Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - October

[bluidkiti]

October 1

Why Deaden Your Feelings?

Some addicted people feel more intensely, and this holds true for all feelings pain, love, envy, hate, joy, pride, or compassion. When the addict recovers and abstains, what happens to those feelings? The person learns to handle them without recourse to chemicals, but the intensity does not change. So if you are a recovering person, you have paid a price for your heightened emotional sensitivity. You probably are hurt more easily and feel pain more intensely. However, these feelings make you so much more human, more interesting, and more lovable.

[bluidkiti]

October 2

The Price of Self-Knowledge

I often say to the newcomer, today you think being an addict is terrible, but after a year of sobriety, you will discover it is not so terrible. Perhaps after two years you will say you are a grateful addict, meaning you are grateful for your recovery. Later you will mean you are grateful for being an addict. Because by then you will have realized your growth in personality and spirituality could never have been attained without going through addiction and recovery. Being an addict is a high price to pay for self-awareness, but things that are truly precious and valuable do not come cheap.

[bluidkiti]

October 3

Learn From Your Mistakes

'I God created humans, but human beings continue to create themselves. People are complex organisms, composed of genes that constitute the past; impressions of the environment which include our parents, teachers, and friends; and our own actions. There may not be much we can do about the first two components, but our actions are within our domain-to do or not to do. The writer Oscar Wilde said, 'It is not what one does that is wrong, but what one becomes as a consequence of it.' Anything we do does not remain external to us, but becomes part of our character. A good deed makes us better, and a bad deed makes us worse. The changes that our actions make in ourselves are not cast in stone and can be undone. This is why amends work and why they are necessary .Unless we make amends, we allow the effects that a wrong act had on our personality to remain. Even though we would not repeat these wrong acts, it is as though we served delicious food with dirty hands. Making amends is a cleansing process.Whatever we were created is the raw material of which we are made. With our actions we fashion ourselves into the ultimate object.

[bluidkiti]

October 4

Pray for the Courage to Change

While mind involvement is crucial for recovery, it frequently is not there at the beginning. We still show denial and resistance to considering ourselves addicted, we fear giving up chemicals and we fear change. Sobriety requires not only abstinence, but changes in attitude, behavior, priorities, and friends. It is easy to become complacent after several years of abstinence, and to think we have made all essential changes. This is not true. Why else do we say the Serenity Prayer? Why else do we pray for the courage to change?

[bluidkiti]

October 5

Move Beyond Self-Pity

If we indulge in self-pity, we are not likely to stop chemical use. If we have abstained and begin to feel sorry for ourselves, we are likely to relapse. Self-pity is the result of feeling shortchanged. However, no one owes us anything. It is we who are obligated, and we owe the world. Seeking to do God's will is the realization that we are here to do are here to do the bidding of the Higher Power rather than to enjoy ourselves. We are not deprived of anything. This idea helps avoid self-pity. Sobriety requires an attitude that we are to be givers rather than takers.

[bluidkiti]

October 6

Helping Others Understand Our Changes

Recovery is not a quick process. The person who will emerge from this process is totally unknown. To people who knew the active addict, this may be bewildering. But they can get help and insight by participating in family therapy and in Al-Anon family groups. Should they decide not to reestablish the relationship, the experience and personal growth of participating in these programs is extremely valuable. The addict has no option but to change and grow, because his very life depends on it. Participation in the family program can provide the opportunity to understand the recovering person.

[bluidkiti]

October 7

Be Receptive to the Truth

A man admitted for his fourth detox was still intoxicated. I told him, Jim, go and sleep it off. I'll talk to you later. After two years of sobriety, Jim told me he thought to himself that morning, I am so drunk, Abe can't even talk to me. He fell to his knees and for the first time said, God, help me now. My comment impacted him because he was receptive to hearing what he had not been able to hear before. We can only pray we are able to see and hear the truth. We also must overcome stubbornness and consider that other's observations might be right.

[bluidkiti]

October 8

Wisdom and Experience

Ethel was 34 on her eighth admission for withdrawal from heroin prior to the time of treatment centers and NA. She confronted me angrily, How can you believe in God? If there was a just God, would be allow you to do something when you're not old enough to know better and be cursed because of it for the rest of your life? We may question why we have our greatest wisdom when we are at retirement age and need it least. The Divine plan is for energetic youth to be guided by its wiser elders. Too bad this plan is not widely implemented.

[bluidkiti]

October 9

Seeing Our Faults in Others

Projection is a psychological maneuver whereby we see our own defects in other people. Projection can be a guideline for self-improvement. Anytime we see a fault in someone else, this should alert us we might be projecting. What we have discovered in others really may not exist in them at all, but rather be in ourselves. How wonderful the world would be if every time we felt like criticizing others we stopped and did a careful self-evaluation. We would at least delay our critical remarks and we would come to a more thorough self-awareness.

[bluidkiti]

October 10

Empathy

Our understanding of what is depends on how deeply we feel. Toward the close of Yom Kippur, a rabbi conducted an appeal for funds for the needy. This was a day on which congregants observed a 24-hour deprivation of food and water. Now that you are hungry, he said, you can better appreciate needs of those who have no food and contribute accordingly. To deal fairly and justly with people, we must empathize with them. It is this empathy that enables one addict to help another. The same empathy should operate among all humans, addicted or non-addicted.

[bluidkiti]

October 11

Legal Drugs Are Just as Lethal

Medical addiction is no less serious than street addiction. When a person uses addictive-type medications for pain, insomnia, or anxiety, the effectiveness of the dose gradually decreases. Eventually symptoms break through even massive doses, so the suffering person now has an addiction. Treatment for medically induced addiction can be more difficult, but once the addiction is identified and the patient makes a commitment to recover, treatment is feasible. The recovery program, which works so well in helping people cope with stress without resorting to chemicals can also help the medication addict cope with discomfort of pain.

[bluidkiti]

October 12

Keep Pain in Perspective

A woman in early recovery complained of having a depressing day, but observation indicated she was less depressed than previously. The reason she felt depressed was she had experienced several good days. A depressing day after several other depressing days is not felt as deeply as a less depressing day that follows good days. Recovery tends to take a zigzag course rather than make a smooth upward progression. When several good days are followed by an off day, do not panic. The fact they feel painful may be because you are at a higher level of recovery. That great discomfort may be a sign of healing.

[bluidkiti]

October 13

Our Purpose In Life

Too often we identify ourselves by what we do rather than by what we are. How can we know what we are? By looking at what we do during our nonworking hours, when we are not engaged in the means for survival. It might be shocking to discover our ultimate purpose in life is to lose ourselves in some diversion. Rest and relaxation are as vital to life as food and water, but after all vital necessities have been met, there should be something for which we live. If we do not have an ultimate goal, we should be occupied in looking for one.

[bluidkiti]

October 14

Avoid the Superficial

Outward appearances may be impressive, but they are not an indication of value. How surprised we would be to discover that those we envy may be envious of us! It has been said if everyone's life were put in a see-through container, and we had the freedom to choose, we would all choose our own life. Roses are prettier than cabbages and much more fragrant, but cabbages make far better soup. If all we want is color and fragrance, we should go for the roses. But then we must be ready to accept pretty, sweet-smelling starvation. The real values in life lie in substance and content, not in appearances.

[bluidkiti]

October 15

Arrogance and Error

It is assumed that error and mistake are synonymous. It was, therefore, enlightening to come across the statement, " An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it." To err is human because no one is perfect. The same leniency cannot be extended to a mistake, because everyone has the capacity to rectify an error, or at least to try. The only obstacle is our ego, which may not allow us to admit having done wrong. Such arrogance is the worst possible character defect. In recovery we learn humility and the need to make amends. If we can admit being in error, we can avoid all mistakes.

[bluidkiti]

October 16

Don't Live Only in the Present

The pointers on a clock's face indicate the present time, but the present and future can be seen as well. A digital clock has no past and no future, only the now. Ours is a digital clock generation. Chemical addiction is just another manifestation of preoccupation with the present. Cherished values of the past are rejected and serious dangers for the future are ignored. The momentary high is all that counts. In recovery we discover how destructive this narrow perspective is, and we change our attitudes. What the world needs is a recovery program to overcome this addictive attention to the present.

[bluidkiti]

October 17

Treat Your Body With Respect

A person is composed of a physical body that houses a divine soul. The body is thus a temple that contains the Divine, and as such should be accorded its due honor. Just as it is forbidden to injure the body of another person, it is forbidden to injure ourselves. It is forbidden to introduce harmful chemicals that ruin or deface the body. The body is a sacred object that must be accorded due reverence. Just as sobriety restores respect for the body so that we no longer deface it, it must also restore the dignity of the body's actions. And our behavior must reflect the sanctity of the human being.

[bluidkiti]

October 18

Concern for the Common Good

We must respect the rights of others, just as we do our own. A man who was clearing his yard threw rocks into the street. A wise man rebuked him, Why do you throw things from someone else's property into your own? The thrower later went bankrupt and lost his property. How wise was the man who rebuked me, he said. It is the street that is my permanent property. We may selfishly think that what we own is ours forever. The only thing that is truly ours is that which we share with the rest of the world. If we injure anything or anyone in the world, we are injuring ourselves.

[bluidkiti]

October 19

Learn From Others' Hindsight

Many get their priorities in order too late. I have had opportunities to be with people during the last few days of their lives. Some said, I regret I did not spend more time with my family. Or I regret I did not come to religious services more often. Never did anyone say, 'I regret I did not spend more time at the office. We can certainly take advantage of the hindsight of others. In recovery we have learned how unwise it is to favor immediate gratification over long-term consequences. If we put these two ideas together, we can live our lives in such a manner that we will have few regrets.

[bluidkiti]

October 20

Distorted Judgment

How can we divest ourselves of resentment? If we think back on things we did during active addiction, we find regrets. We certainly did not intend injuries that occurred. Use of chemicals is not the only way judgment can be distorted. All kinds of ideas and emotions interact to bring about judgment. Many people who provoke us are acting under distortions of judgment. We feel sorry for them, as we do for someone behaving destructively under the influence of chemicals. But if we can't manage to feel sorry for people who suffer from distortion of judgment, at least we can refrain from hating them.

[bluidkiti]

October 21

Stay in Control

Surrender need not be a bad word. Many people have an automatic control in the brain that shuts off the desire for mind-altering chemicals. For example, they will not take more than one or two drinks. But others must use manual control, and trouble invariably results. If automatic controls cannot be repaired, the only solution is to improve the manual. This is what we do when we join a recovery fellowship. We do not give up control; we improve what control is available. Surrender means only that the automatic system is out of commission and we must strengthen the manual control.

[bluidkiti]

October 22

Are You Open to New Ideas?

If we were to reckon what new knowledge we acquired each day, we might discover we learned nothing new. Why? Because we feel we already know enough. But, "a fool is better off than someone who considers himself wise," states Proverbs 26:12. Someone who thinks himself wise will never learn anything. People with years of quality sobriety state, "There has never been a meeting at which I didn't gain something." People who abandon the program say, "There was no point in going. It was the same thing over and over again." The former are open to learning, the latter are not.

[bluidkiti]

October 23

Can You Be Alone With Yourself?

Loneliness is painful. Many have resorted to chemicals to try to escape from loneliness. The difference between solitude and loneliness is that in solitude we have ourselves and are comfortable being with ourselves. The lonely person has no self, or has a self that is despised. The lonely person cannot tolerate being with either a despised self or in a state of nothingness. Recovery and fellowship are effective because they provide the companionship of other people. The recovery program helps us discover the true self: someone who can be not only tolerated but also actually enjoyed.

[bluidkiti]

October 24

Learning From Each Other

We need old friends to help us grow old, and new friends to help us stay young. Not many have the opportunity to befriend people of all ages, but people of all ages attend recovery program meetings. And because it is generally the oldest members who have the most years of sobriety, young people are encouraged to seek their advice or engage them as sponsors. The program is always replenished with newcomers. The old are always needed, and never outgrow their usefulness. Perhaps the program is not the proverbial fountain of youth, but it is a far cry from people who feel that life is behind them.

[bluidkiti]

October 25

Dreamers and Doers

The Serenity Prayer is well formulated. It might have read, God grant me the courage to change that which I can and the serenity to accept that which I cannot change. A recovering person remarked, Once I accept things as they are, I can create things as they might be. Great inventors and explorers had dreams that led them to achievements. Yet few daydreamers are inventors or explorers, because people who live in a world of fantasy cannot accomplish anything. It is only if we have a firm basis in reality, accepting it for what it is, that we can make changes. That is how we must approach life.

[bluidkiti]

October 26

The Treasure Within

There is a legend about a man who dreamt repeatedly a treasure was buried at the foot of a bridge. When he began digging, he was stopped by an officer who said, How foolish. Why, I have dreamt there is a hut under which is buried treasure. The man realized this was his own hut, and upon returning home, found the treasure. Our quest for happiness can take us to the four corners of the world, to different relationships, to various occupations -- or to chemicals. Why engage in a fruitless search? We may be so busy looking for a treasure elsewhere we fail to discover it where it really is -- within ourselves.

[bluidkiti]

October 27

The Emptiness of an Unexamined Life

Voltaire said doubt is not a pleasant state, but certainty is a ridiculous one. Voltaire was criticizing the person who refuses to submit to critical analysis. Although I am certain I write with a pen, I have no objection to anyone who wishes to examine whether it really is a pen because I am certain of the fact. However, there are certainties we refuse to examine. We are defensive and fear that analysis will prove our belief to be untrue. The active addict refuses to submit to evaluation. He is certain he is not addicted. It is this kind of certainty that is indeed ridiculous.

[bluidkiti]

October 28

Infantile Amusements

When I grow up, I want to be a child. This statement was made by a grown-up who recalled freedom from worry that characterized childhood. Grown-ups have authority and power, yet crave the carefree spirit of childhood. While our intellect tells us we can never be children again, our hearts long for the fabled fountain of youth. Our entertainment industry is a sophisticated version of childhood play. Our intellect must triumph, however, and we must assume the serious business of life. We can be amused and we can distract ourselves with entertainments, but these activities should not become our goals in life.

[bluidkiti]

October 29

Can an Addict Be Honest?

For many, truth is a virtue; for people in recovery, it is life saving. Addiction is characterized by certain behavior patterns, foremost among which is lying. No one has ever maintained truthfulness while being an addict. Just as the first drink or drug can be the beginning of a full-blown relapse, so can the first lie set the addictive pattern into motion. Dedication to truthfulness yields rich dividends, because it eliminates the need to lie and avoid doing things we might wish to conceal. This is why the recovery program insists on rigorous honesty. The "inability to be honest" is the factor most responsible for a failure to recover.

[bluidkiti]

October 30

Turn Down the Volume

Good arguments do not require many decibels to be heard. The strength of an argument is enough to carry it. It is only when the argument is weak that we yell loudly, trying to impress others with sound what is lacking in content. I have never heard anyone yell, I am an alcoholic. But I have heard very loud protests, I am not an alcoholic. Attention to the loudness of an assertion can help gauge its validity. If you find yourself yelling, at home, at work, with friends, pause and reflect. If what you're saying is really correct, there should be no need for screaming. If you wish to be heard, speak softly.

[bluidkiti]

October 31

Insults and Criticism

Sometimes we point out a mistake to someone, and all we are doing is insulting the person. At other times, the same message is helpful criticism. How can we distinguish between the two? Many in recovery point out what you are doing wrong, but are ready to take time and share knowledge and experience so you can rectify the defect or mistake. These people are offering sincere and constructive criticism and should be heeded. If you find yourself tempted to point out to someone what he or she is doing wrong, stop and reflect. Are you willing to help correct that behavior? If not, hold your peace.

[kelly]

:169:
October 1

Why Deaden Your Feelings?

Some addicted people feel more intensely, and this holds true for all feelings pain, love, envy, hate, joy, pride, or compassion. When the addict recovers and abstains, what happens to those feelings? The person learns to handle them without recourse to chemicals, but the intensity does not change. So if you are a recovering person, you have paid a price for your heightened emotional sensitivity. You probably are hurt more easily and feel pain more intensely. However, these feelings make you so much more human, more interesting, and more lovable.

[glendyess]

Wow Kelly that is perfect description of what I have experienced , thank you for sharing .