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MajestyJo
11-15-2013, 09:16 AM
STAY POSITIVE, DON'T ACT OUT IN OLD PATTERNS AND BEHAVIOURS!

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Steps Six and Seven are about changing and truly looking at myself and getting honest.

Why should I not continue the Steps? Why should I skip over a certain step because we don't like looking in the mirror. Most people see us before we can see ourselves. People knew about me before I knew myself, they could see the changes and I didn't have a clue. Be it a change for the better or worse, I am empowered to change things when I surrender to the program, and work it a day at a time.

Not taking time to talk to my God on a daily bases is an old behaviour. Telling God what I think He should do in my life and that of others, is bad no matter what way I look at it.

For me defects of character are a part of my DNA and thinking, clean or sober. Short comings are acting out those thoughts and reacting to events around me. No more hissy fits, no more pity pots, no more cussing and cursing, myself or others, no more putting on the blanket of denial and hiding from reality.

HUGS FROM ME TO YOU!

MajestyJo
11-15-2013, 09:25 AM
Recognizing Defects of Character


When situations arise which destroy my serenity, pain often motivates me to ask God for clarity in seeing my part in the situation. Admitting my powerlessness, I humbly pray for acceptance. I try to see how my character defects contribute to the situation.
Don't have a lot of clarity at the moment. Having slept my day away, it didn't leave much time for my character defects to make themselves known.

When I did the chip this morning, I had very little acceptance of what was going on with me. I know my doctor is trying to help me. He took me off of one medication and put me on another. This one isn't covered by my drug plan and I had to pay for it.

There is a part of me that says, "This has to work because I paid for it." It worked. I slept, but sleeping the day away is not good. Staying awake last night after taking it wasn't good either. Part of that was my fault, because I wasn't yawning, or feeling tired, I didn't go to bed. Perhaps what I need is a change in attitude and instead of waiting for it to tell me to go to bed I should surrender and go to bed and then perhaps I would go to sleep easier.

When I become aware of a defect of character, I immediately take it to my Higher Power. There is no way I want to continue to act out in my disease. I often pray for the willingness for the willingness to know what I need to do for my health and well being. I ask for my own knowingness and my own truth so that I can be honest about what is going on in my life.

My sponsor told me that if I was ever in doubt about my character defects, look at who I was pointing a finger at because it was a reflection of myself. A sure fired way of keeping me honest even if I don't like it.

Today, I am reminded of what a long-timer (25 years sober when I had a year) said, "He had 13 barrels containing each defect of character but only had 12 lids. One defect kept popping up and when he got a lid on it, a new one popped up.

Posted in 2010

Chips referred here are character defects with a positive/negative defect on a poker chip, you put them in a bag, and you pull one out, and that is what you work on in today.

The list to follow!

MajestyJo
11-15-2013, 09:26 AM
Taken from Al-Anon's Blueprint to Progress - Fourth Step Inventory

Aware of others/Self-centered

Helpful to others/Self-indulgent

Generous/Selfish

Thoughtful/Self-pitying

Open-minded, gracious/Smug, stubborn

Perceptive/Judgmental

Respectful/Disrespectful

Patient/Impatient

Tolerant/Intolerant

Realistic/Unrealistic

Reasonable/Unreasonable

Assertive/Submissive

Cooperative/Domineering

Outgoing/Withdrawn

Forgiving/Resentful

Trusting/Suspicious

Trustworthy/Prone to gossip

Content/Envious

Agreeable/Disagreeable

Cheerful/Discourteous

Kind/Unkind

Loving,caring/Indifferent

Discreet/Lacking discretion

Stable/Panicky, violent

Consistent/Inconsistent

Sincere/Insincere

Honest/Dishonest

Willing to admit faults/Self-righteous

Humble/Arrogant

Calm/Worrisome

Relaxed/Tense

Confident, having faith/Fearful, apprehensive

Hopeful/Despondent

Optimistic/Pessimistic

Living for today/Living in the past, worrying about the future

Industrious/Lazy

Prompt/Procrastinating

Purposeful/Aimless

Responsible/Irresponsible

Using talents and abilities/Disinterested in self

Thankful/Ungrateful

Willing to continue to seek emotional and spiritual balance/Smug, complacent
__________________

MajestyJo
11-15-2013, 09:27 AM
Quote:
. . . when we have taken a square look at some of these defects, have discussed them with another, and have become willing to have them removed, our thinking about humility commences to have a wider meaning. 12 & 12, p.74

When situations arise which destroy my serenity, pain often
motivates me to ask God for clarity in seeing my part in the
situation. Admitting my powerlessness, I humbly pray for
acceptance. I try to see how my character defects contribute
to the situation.
Could I have been more patient?
Was I intolerant?
Did I insist on having my own way?
Was I afraid?
As my defects are revealed, I put self-reliance aside and
humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings. The situation
may not change, but as I practice exercising humility, I enjoy
the peace and serenity which are the natural benefits of
placing my reliance in a power greater than myself.

What has always helped me is the slogan, "Let it begin with me." It doesn't matter what the other person said or did, it is about me and how I react and how I respond to others and take responsibility for my own side of the street.

Defects of character are part of my humanness to my way of thinking, and something I have to work on daily, not ignore them and hope they will go away. I need to turn them over daily to my Higher Power.

MajestyJo
11-30-2013, 06:44 AM
Today's Defect of Character to work on:

Trust is a something that I had to earn. For the most part, I am quite trusting of others until they prove themselves as untrustworthy. When that happens, I have trouble with the forgiveness and the letting go of the disappointment and disillusionment of having been betrayed.

Trust in my Higher Power has grown over the years. Sometimes I think He has more trust in me than I have in myself.


Psalm 31:14
But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God."

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

MajestyJo
12-03-2013, 11:25 PM
Honesty with others/Alibis and excuses

How can I be honest with you if I can't be honest with myself. Rationalization and justification were big defects of mine and found myself yesterday, not excusing my behavior but acknowledging that I did wrong. I had set something up and then when I got there, forgot what I was suppose to do and lost the contract. It was there to be made. I got caught up with one thought and didn't take time to look at the whole picture.

How many times have I said, "Well I did this because I thought..." when in reality, I didn't think or didn't hesitate and meditate by following thought with more thought instead of action.

If there was one thing I hated, it was my humanness. I would people say, "What do you expect, I am only human?" I would think, "I expect you to try and not blame your human nature, for your bad behaviour." The program is one of change.

That doesn't mean we don't make mistakes. What it does mean is we try our best, whatever our best is in today.

For many years, I was too honest and it was important to speak my truth and that was that without much thought of others. Often it isn't what you say, so much as how you say it. The attitude and tone can make a big difference.

I justified things to myself more than I did others and yet having gone through two abusive marriage, I felt like I had to justify my existance and my reason for being. I was told I didn't matter and who cared what I thought and what I wanted didn't matter. It became a habit. If you said, "No!" You had better have a darn good reason, especially if it was opposing the thoughts of my partner.

I was resentful and angry at them and at myself for doing it. I rationalized and felt like I had to explain my actions and why I did something. It was not a very nice way to live. Recovery has given me so many gifts. The greatest being the freedom to be me.

For me, it was a lot of justification and rationalization that kept me from being honest with myself. All my life I felt like I had to have a reason for doing, saying, and being me. Very low self-esteem, self-worth, and a low sense of self kept me sick and like my disease, it got lower instead of going away, until I found recovery.

Like all things, I had to turn it over to my Higher Power and ask for help.

Psalm 30:2
O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.

MajestyJo
12-08-2013, 01:57 AM
Thoughtful/Thoughtless

For so many years, in my disease, I was selfish and self-centered yet all through this, I gave no thought of my health and my well being. I never gave me a great deal of thought and care. Yes it was what was in it for me, but it was about my addiction, and nothing to do with my health and well being.

I never thought, is this good for me. Is this for my Higher Good. Is this for the good of the whole. I was completely thoughtless of those around me and thinking I was hurting no one but myself, not realizing that people cared even if I didn't. Not caring about myself and being indifferent about what happens to me is part of my disease, not part of my recovery.

I realized this yesterday, when I thought of not putting on something different to wear downstairs to the store. I found myself saying, "I don't care" I followed it up with, "That is the problem, you are suppose to care about yourself."

Not with the old attitude, "If I don't look out for #1 who will." I had to change it to "You are worthy and deserve recovery and be kind and love yourself" I had to change my thought patterns.

Growing up, I was told I was responsible. As a result, I took on things that were not mine. It wasn't that I didn't care, but I did get resentful of having the burden put onto me, not knowing it wasn't job. I know that it isn't right to have my happiness at the expense of others. I know that I have a right to happiness, no matter what someone else does, thinks or says. I use to think I was less than, because I was told all my life it was my job. Look what you made me do. If you hadn't done that, I wouldn't have.... It is all your fault.

I lived my life through others, I was a people pleaser, I found my value and acceptance through others, I had to let go of expectations, I had to remember progress not perfection. It is a one day at a time program.

http://angelwinks.net/images/kidpod/kidpod1079.jpg

MajestyJo
12-13-2013, 04:04 AM
Perceptive/Judgmental

Years ago when I went to the meeting of my Women's group, after I had left it and joined another, was a real joy. I also found myself with a bit of an inflated ego and a pat on the back for looking good and I found myself comparing favourably with other women of the group. We all have aged, widened, greyed, and wrinkled and it was good to see so many long time recovery women and it was sad to see so many missing that were a part of the group over the years.

There was a woman there that told me once that she would never darken the doors of the women's group if it was the last group in the city. How our perception can change.

I have a much more open mind and found that I wasn't as judgmental as I have been in the past. I use to think, they have all those years of sobriety, why are they still doing that, why haven't they grown or changed. Since then I have found that in my own case that I have slid back a step or two, become complacent, and other times made great strides. It is nice to be able to look at the whole picture and be grateful.

Posted in 2009

In today, it is good to recognize where people are coming from, most times I have been there and done it, or they carry me a message to be ever watchful or I could find myself in the same position.

I found myself through the women in the group, they were a great reflection of my inner self that I had kept hidden for years. I hated it when the lady came out, seeing as I spend years trying to prove I wasn't one. A big resentment, one that had to go, toward myself and other women. I joined the Women's Group to learn how to get along with women, because I had been living in a man's world, either with work or I drank with them.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/meteo-snowmen-animals/0002.gif

MajestyJo
12-13-2013, 04:04 AM
Reasonable/Unreasonable

For the most part, I feel that I am a pretty reasonable person. When I tend to be unreasonable, is when I am given the whole picture and I am dealing with people with tunnel vision or those who are choosing to turn a blind eye.

This morning when I woke up I was approach by a girl on messenger. Her first statement was "I wish you did...." Instead of just saying what was wrong and asking if I could help, I found myself with a little resentment. I said a prayer, asked her what her problem was and was able to help her find a solution.

It is difficult to help someone who isn't willing to help themselves. I know I am fighting depression at the moment. What I know is that I am not fighting it alone and that I don't need a pill to make it all better.

Sometimes I need to be reasonable with myself. I can talk myself out of anything, especially if I don't share it with others. When I become aware of my problem, acknowledge it, and accept it for what it is, I can take the Steps I need to change the attitude, or in my case, change the attitude in order to take the action.

God is Good.

Posted in 2004

It is unreasonable to expect perfection. The say progress not perfection, which was a good thing, because I thought I had to do it right. This was according to my mother who said, "Do it right or don't do it at all." Often I didn't or I wasted a lot of time trying to do things her way.

What seemed reasonable in the past, doesn't always appear so in today thank to recovery and looking at things from a new perspective.

http://angelwinks.net/images/nostalgicpod/nostalgicpod75.jpg

MajestyJo
12-15-2013, 01:44 AM
Acceptance/Defiance

Acceptance is the key to my recovery today. When I am not accepting, I am hurting - physically, mentally and emotionally.

As long as I defy looking at or owning something I am putting up a barrier to healing and change, and blocking me from the Spirit of my God.

When I accept each day at it comes, it generally unfolds in a timely manner. I don't always end up where I expect to be, and I don't often end up where I want to be, and I may not even like where I am at, but it is where I am suppose to be.

Accepting my disease came hard, because I kept pointing my finger at my dad, my ex-husband, and friends. They had the problem, I was a functional drunk although I didn't like to accept that word. I didn't get drunk! I walked a straight line. I drove my car on the right side of the road and the police didn't pull me over, although many times, if they had, they would have locked me up and thrown away the key.

For most of my life, it was don't tell me, watch me! One line, I still find myself saying is, "Since when did I do what was good for me since you knew me." It was like the defiance was instilled in me, because I found myself not accepting rules, regulations, and authority.

Things are better in today, but there are days that God and I still need to work on this issue.

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MajestyJo
01-03-2014, 05:39 PM
PROCRASTINATE - DO IT!

Merriam Webster says that to procrastinate is "to put off
intentionally and habitually."

This has always been a biggie for me. I tell myself, "I just don't feel like doing it, and most times, I don't. I can talk myself out of anything and everything especially if it is housework.

I ended up cancelling my mammogram today and postponing it until Monday. The last time I had to wait at the doctor and this was the second time I had been to see this new doctor, so wasn't sure what is happening. I realized after I cancelled that I had taken time into my hands instead of trusting it to Gods. I must be doing something right because all the levels that were tested were good except one. Some hadn't come back yet, not sure which ones. Ended up my kidney's are not functioning 100%. I have an enlarged one, so not sure if that is the cause.

I ended up I probably could have made it on the bus but it would have been really iffy. If the buses didn't connect, I would have been late.

I know that when I hear that voice if I ignore it, I generally regret it after ward.

They say, "Why put off until tomorrow, what you can do today." My motto was, "It is not going any where, so it will keep until tomorrow." It seemed as though, if I made the decision to run away from home in today, it was there when I came home. So I might as well enjoy myself in today, and let the rest take care of itself. They will get done when the time is right. In reality, it is when I get off my a$$, they will get done.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-bears-leisure/0027.gif

MajestyJo
01-06-2014, 02:16 AM
It is a good day when we are on the same page as our God. I found that some days I tend to speed read or skip a page.

:grin:

Grateful that my God has a sense of humour. I think He prays for me more than I pray to Him some days.

:195:

MajestyJo
01-09-2014, 10:22 PM
Accepting Faults/Blaming Others

In early recovery, I didn't think I had any faults after I quit using. After all, I was raised to be a good Christian girl.

It took me awhile to recognize that to err is human. I didn't want to admit to being human let alone the error. When I heard people say, "Well I am only human you know," I would get a resentment. I felt as though they used the saying as a cop out. They use their humanness to not change.

In today, I tell it as it is. What you see is what you get. As a friend said to me on Messenger the other night, "g/f you are just 2 2 funny. I never know what is going to come out of your mouth next."

Before recovery, it was all about the blame game. It was every one elses fault and the world owed me a favor as I was so hard done by.

Today I embrace change. I don't want to be that person any more. She was not very likeable. She still has a lot of work to do on herself. God and I work on it one day at a time.

Before recovery, I thought I was the best. I thought I was being the best me I could be. I also learned that you can't know what you were never taught. I was very isolated on the farm growing up and didn't have a lot of people skills. I didn't have a best friend until I was 17. When I met her, I was the follower. As my disease progressed, I became the leading authority.

So glad that it is progress not perfection.

I didn't find recovery until I was 49. I thought it was always about others and thought I was the way I was because of the people in my life. I firmly believe we are products of our environment and I had to come to believe, it was me that put me there. I was there often because I chose to, and most times I wasn't invited. Most of my life I wanted to be in the "In" group, yet when I got there, I never measured up, in my own eyes and yet I couldn't take the blame, it was their fault real or imagined.

Even though I was in denial about being an alcoholic, I felt like I had come home. I could identify, but stayed sick because I compared. It wasn't until I could honestly say to myself, I used alcohol like I did other drugs. I am an addict, I could accept that. When I got really honest and looked at the thinking behind the drinking, I knew I was an alcoholic.

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MajestyJo
01-11-2014, 02:55 PM
Reality/Wishful Thinking

"So much of my life had been wishful thinking and projecting onto others what I wanted things to be, like rather than what they really were."

How can you be in 'reality' when you continue to use people, places and things to take you out of it?

I don't like how I feel. I don't want to eat right now and I would grab a cigarette." I really can't handle all these emotions right now and I scarf down a KFC dinner. I can't stand all this pain, let me take a pill and make it go away. I don't like my life and how it is going let me smoke a joint and mellow out. I have just too much stress, let's have a double!

I want life to be smooth with no ripples and I just want to sail along on life's journey without a care or worry in the world. If I just turn a blind eye and pretend that it isn't there, perhaps it will all go away.

As someone once said to me, "Why shouldn't it happen to you?" It happens to others, why should you be exempt? What gives you the right to be different?

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things...

Life doesn't get better, I do. I have recovery tools to handle life on life's terms, not always as I think they should be.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/insects-bees/0113.gif

MajestyJo
01-14-2014, 04:29 PM
Self-condemnation/self valuation

Well then--I as about to say self valuation until someone asked me going out the door to be nicer to ME. Huh?!

I can be pretty self critical--not in a condemning way, cuz I'm clear that my worth and value isn't contingent upon 'doing'. But I DO have a tendency to be inventorying all the time and putting a lable on it that apparently makes some folks think I'm putting myself down.

I get how they see it, and I'm thinking I need to be more on the sharing side on how what I do doesn't define my value.
"Oh--THAT was dumb"
"WAY to go, ya dork"
"I'm such a dweeb"
"SOMEday this WILL be gone from my defects list---REALLY!"
And "I'm a liar cheat and a thief--" even said tongue in cheek can give folks the impression that I'm devaluing me.
Me and my sense of humour...

It's not that I'm down on me--and I have no shame about the places I've been and the things I've done. They all brought me to where I am today. They don't define ME. But when I don't give people the whole picture their perception is thwarted and conclussions are drawn.

I don't devalue myself--cuz as a child of G-d my value just IS. But I do contribute to making it look LIKE I don't value me. And this, I need to do something about.

~~~True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of G-d.~~~

Posted on another site by graced used with permission. It is awesome to be given that permission and told, anything that I post that will help another, you are free to pass it on.

It is amazing how those old tapes can still come back and haunt the psychic. When I find one running, I try to remember that I may do stupid things, but that doesn't mean I am stupid. I may be a bit crazy, zany, and a bit eccentric, but that is okay today. At least it isn't the insanity of active addiction.

I am grateful that I can validate myself today and not have to go outside of myself for it. I am also glad that when I find myself abusing me I can make amends and give myself some much needed TLC!

No one was more critical and self-abusing than I was. If it wasn't perfect, to my way of thinking, it was wrong. As it says in the Big Book, we need a change in attitude in order to bring about recovery.

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MajestyJo
01-14-2014, 04:36 PM
Criticizing/look for the good

I used to spend time looking for validation of my beliefs about life and people--not a whole lot of those beliefs were very positive. I pretty well reeked of pessimism and spent a whole lot of time questioning anything remotely 'good', knowing it came with strings attached and that other 'shoe' was going to fall. G-d was capricious and I knew it.

I like this other side of the coin and trust that all things truly do happen for the good, even if I don't understand it. That doesn't mean I'm always HAPPY about the circumstances, but I'm clear they're simply the circumstances and not my destiny.
I will admit that my 'looking for the good' can sometimes leave people rolling their eyes....LOL Mostly cuz they're looking for validation of their feelings about the circumstances in their life and I'm going on about trusting the greater plan and looking for some good in those circumstances. I GOTTA remember to do that FIRST....maybe the eye rolling will get less? LOL

Graced

Good stuff! I was big on validation, needed it from outside because I could find none within myself. I have always been my own worst task master. I validated the self-abuse by saying, "I don't do or say anything that I wouldn't do for myself!" I do ask for feedback once in a while, I do think it is needed because often my perception can be off. It isn't an ego thing like it was before, but a look at where I am at, and do I need to change the direction I am heading. As much as I would like to think so, I am not always right. I don't always like criticism, but I think when it is given, it is up to me to decide whether it is good or bad. Everyone has their opinion, including me.

What I have a problem with are those who say, "You can't feel this or that" or "You shouldn't feel .....", they are my feelings, but again it is my responsibility to take ownership and put the right label on them. Many times we feel anger and forget that there are other contributing factors such as insecurity, fear, and grief behind it.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/avatars-100x100-insects/0041.gif

MajestyJo
01-14-2014, 04:42 PM
When people share in NA, take part in the readings and the putting on of the meetings, everyone thanks them for participating.

For many years I didn't participlate in life, for many years I wasn't able to do the 'ordinary' things, for many years, and even in today, little things can overwhelm me and I often have to put them off until such a time as I can handle and deal with them. Part of it is because of my fibromyalgai, yet for the most part, it is daily conditioning and old tapes playing. A little goodness goes a long way yet too much can be kind of sickening. My aunt had a friend who use to say "Too sweet to be wholesome!"

I don't expect praise, don't handle it well, but it sure is nice to receive. Giving a well done, reminds me that Jesus/God said, "Well done my good and faithful servant."

Written in 2005

I was my own worst enemy, in today, I try to be my own best friend.

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MajestyJo
01-16-2014, 03:51 AM
Open Minded/Stubborn

Early in recovery, I kept hearing the phrase "Keep an open mind." I don't hear it as often in today. A lot of things are this is what you should do and you need to do this. There are suggestions, but there are some darn well betters or you lapse back into old patterns or end up relapsing and picking up your drug of choice.

The stubborn part of me things, "Don't tell me what to do!" Which can be an attitude that sabotages my recovery and it is the attitude that needs to change to find spirituality. My father use to say I was more contrary than stubborn. I argued for arguments sake. It wasn`t so much stubborn in my belief, but not agreeing with you, because it meant I was wrong.

As it says in the Big Book, "...that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery...."

I stubbornly refused to go back to where I came from. I saw so many relapsing, I had a healthy fear; until such a time I could turn it into trust in the program and know it would work for me.

My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery, so it seemed reasonable to open my mind to other concepts and ideas.

My life has been very much enriched as a result of opening my mind, remaining teachable, and willing to listen to others as to how the program worked for them.

:62:

The eagle means spirit. It also means freedom to me. Open mindedness is what brought that to me.

http://www.angelwinks.net/images/bowser/bowser24.jpg

MajestyJo
01-16-2014, 04:08 AM
Thoughtful of others vs Self-Pity

Not too sure if these go together to my way of thinking today.

I always try to be thoughtful of others even if I am having a pity party.

Feel like one of those coming on. Sick and tired of not getting answers and my mind is focused on myself and often think the worst. That happened recently when I went for blood work, only to find that everything was very good, except for my bone density.

It helped to be with or sharing with others on the phone, because I end up feeling that there are others a lot worse off physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally than I am. It sure helps to get out of self and be there for someone else.

The opposite of self-pity for me is being grateful. Not only saying it, but showing it. I think some people think I am in self-pity, but in truth, I look at it as no matter what happens in my life, I don`t have to pick up. I no longer abuse myself and others. Taking my pain out on others is not an option. Taking my pain to my God is a good option. When you share, it lessens the load, real or imagined.

This is a disease of perception. What I feel and what others perceive, is not always the same thing, so it only stands to reason, that I shouldn`t judge others and accept them for who and where they are in today.

When I am alone, there is no one to disagree with me. Sometimes you need a little push to get off the pot. Sometimes you don`t even know you are there.

Get off the pot and enjoy life as it is meant to be, happy, joyous, and free.

http://www.angelwinks.net/images/bowser/bowser7.jpg

MajestyJo
01-16-2014, 04:17 AM
Generous/Selfish

Have always been a generous person although what I gave away wasn't always my own! My father reminded me a few times over the years that it was 'his' stuff! I think my motto was, "What is yours is mine and what's mine is mine." I certainly needed a spiritual healing on this one.

Often it was paved with good intentions, but the motive and purpose wasn't always for the good of all.

I had to learn to find the difference between self-care and being selfish. I had to fill me up in order to have something to give. The difference was, not keeping it all to myself and sharing with others.

Before it was "What is in it for me and was often centered in money." Whether it was to get my drug of choice in the moment or just to satisfy my personal need for attention, validation, acceptance, etc. it all needed to be revised and touched by the Hand of my God.

www.support-native-american-art.com/Native-American-Animal-Symbols.html

To Native people, the Creator is in everything that breathes, hears, tastes, smells, senses and sees, and all have lessons to be shared. The lessons that nature teaches set a pattern, and each person must find a way to fit into this pattern to ensure happiness and harmony with self and nature. All creatures and plants are equal, each performing its talents according to its abilities.

Animal symbols and their totems represent the physical form of one's spirit helper - his or her guardian or guide.

It is my understanding that the Native American belief is that the Turkey is the symbol of giving away. Turkey (Earth Eagle): Sacrifice of self for a higher purpose.

Perhaps that is why it has been a symbol at Thanksgiving and generally served at holiday feasts.

http://www.angelwinks.net/images/bowser/bowser12.jpg

MajestyJo
01-19-2014, 04:06 PM
Patient/Impatient

My life felt like I had to be put hold, and I am waiting for things to happen. I really have to guard against this, and just stay in today and not get impatient for things to come.

I have minor surgery in March and my doctor's office is phoning to let me know when I go to the sleep disorder clinic. I have been with bad results as I didn't sleep when I was suppose to, so going again. I mentioned this before, but now he feels like I need the machine for sleep apnea.

Patience has never been one of my strong points. Always wanted things yesterday, if not sooner. A friend did comment the other day that I was much more patient than I use to have. I think I was more hyper than impatient, and it is probably old age that has settled in and slowed me down.

Today, I try to wait on God's will. I can still whisper in His ear once in a while and say, "Can You give me a little hint so We both will know what is going on?"

I am reminded that I should pray and ask for patience. When I do, I get things put into my life to tolerate, so I can practice my patience.

In early recovery, when they asked for a topic for discussion, and I would always say one of the following: patience, tolerance, and acceptance. If you have the acceptance, you generally don't become impatient or intolerant.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-elephants-2/0001.gif

MajestyJo
01-21-2014, 04:16 PM
"When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers,
"Try it one more time." - - Unknown

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-animals/0132.gif


SOME DAYS FEEL LIKE WE DON'T GET VERY FAR. THAT IS OKAY, ALL WE ARE ASKED TO DO IS 'TRY' ONE DAY AT A TIME.

When I looked at the picture and quote above, I was reminded about how often I have felt like I wasn't getting any where. I can remember wanting to get a quick fix and make everything OK, right now. Not realizing that I didn't get this way over night and I sure won't get better over night.

It is a one day at a time program. All I can do is the best I can on each given day. Sometimes I fall short and don't put too much effort into things. Other day, I get tired thinking about what I did.

I might not get out to meetings very often, I do have a sponsor I call when she is here. At the moment she is either in California or Arizona. I talk recovery each day for 3-5 hours posting on sites on the internet and answer mail although I have been very lax in that area lately.

Every time I mention getting a scooter, my doctor(s) say, "Keep mobile as long as you can. Try to get exercise every day." I realized that if I didn't keep going, if I stopped, one day, I might not get going again. Like my body, my mind needs exercise. My spirit needs little gems over the course of the say to stay content and at peace.

Food for the body, mind and spirit. I try to be the best me I can be in today. I will never quit recovery and staying clean and sober, unfortunately, there are days I quit on me.

MajestyJo
01-25-2014, 04:39 AM
Honest/Dishonest

Honestly, at the moment, I am having problems getting motivated.

With my sleeping disorder, Sometimes I wake up to sunlight and other times, I am going to bed and miss a lot of it, which is why the motivation is lacking. I find myself saying, "I can't do this because.... It is very negative, and what I put out comes back to me.

Honesty is the best policy. How many times have we said that and thought, "Yahdy, Yahdy, Dah! I needed that self-honest to heal and get better. It isn't about other people, places, and things, it is about me and how I react to the situation in the moment.

Often make a list, so I wouldn't forget the things I need to discuss with my doctor, sponsor, son, etc. It isn't that I don't want to tell, I often forget. Then I forget my list, and then I feel dejected. How can I get my needs met,if he/she doesn't see the whole picture.

So often in the past, I only told people what I thought they wanted to hear. Who am I to judge? Who am I to make the decision for someone else? Then I have to ask, "Who am I to hurt someone by telling them the truth. They need to find their own answers." My sponsor always said, "Go within, you have all the answers." I would reply, "Yes but I don't always know what the question is." That is why we have sponsors! :D

I know my tongue use to be a weapon, today I try to use it to put people back together. That means being honest, speaking my truth. It is my truth and I came to realize that my truth isn't always that of others. I have a right to my own, yet in turn, to have my truth respected, I needed to respect that of others. I didn't have to agree. They didn't have to agree. We could agree to disagree.

Honesty is the best policy. Self-honesty helps me to heal and grow.

http://angelwinks.net/images/iq/qcangeltroublebear.jpg

MajestyJo
01-27-2014, 06:44 PM
Aware of others/Self-centered

When I am in pain, I can be on both sides of this chip. For the most part though, when in pain, I know it is best to get out of self and help others. It is a good thing that I now post on recovery sites, as I suffer from chronic pain and fatigue, I am grateful for my computer.

When I was using, it was about me with little thought of others. In today, I am much more aware and not only care, try to follow things up with action. There is feeling behind the thought.

When I haven't heard from my sister, I pick up the phone. For me, it is not good to go without contact with family for long periods of time. Unfortunately, for the most part, my family doesn't always feel the same way. Generally there is a want or a need to vent behind the call.

I try to be there for others although one night, even though I set a boundary, it was ignored and I had to reinforce it at 3 a.m. in the morning. I later felt bad, because I had to end a conversation, but the heat was getting to me and my apartment was like a sauna. If they had wanted to talk recovery, I would have made more of an effort to talk. They just wanted to talk and it sounded like they were on a pity party. If someone wants help to change,I am there, if they aren't willing, there is nothing I can do for them. When I was on the AA Help Line, I was told to not to talk to someone who was drunk. They wouldn't remember the next day, and there is just no way you can have a two sided conversation with someone who is drunk or has been using. I made exceptions some times, but only if I was in a place where I could afford to be dumped on.

I am very much guilty of not having patience and tolerance with someone who has asked for help, not taken any steps to change, and are in the same position several months and years later. When that happens, I have to say a prayer for them and for myself.

http://i667.photobucket.com/albums/vv36/MajestyJo/0007.gif

"Loving is the only sure road out of darkness, the only
serum known that cures self-centeredness." — Rod McKuen

MajestyJo
02-01-2014, 03:11 PM
Forgiving/Resentful

"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is
not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget
creates a new way to remember". We change the memory of our
past into a hope for our future". - - Lewis B. Smedes

Need a whole lot of work on this chip at the best of times, they say it is an Aires nature to be unforgiving. I know it is true when it comes to myself and that I can quite often get mini-resentment and have to use the tools of the program to let them go.

After Thanksgiving last Monday, I am still harbouring a whopper that doesn't seem to want to go. I think I need to reinforce the prayers because I am not too sure that I have been really willing to let them go.

I am certainly not willing to let by gones be by gones. I am not sure I want to have this person in my life any more as the incident was not the first time she promised something and never called to cancel and was a no show. Guess I trust people too much and always expect the best from them, hoping this time will be different. My biggest fault through all this was issuing the invitation in the first place and expecting different results.

Written in 2010

Realized a long time ago that I don't have to pay forever and ever about what I did in the past. It is done, I can't change it, and all I can do is try to be the best me I can be in today. No more "You owe me!" or "That's your job" or "That's your role." I don't allow others to define who I am or who I should be. When I feel like that, I know to pack the bags, and get out of there. Thank God for the program!

They say if you have a resentment against someone to pray for them for three weeks. That includes me, asking my God to heal me.

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSfhwKcuK-nTc-rvf8Zl9YzyBMGNIf7dJ1OkoM00r-MbcIDRnAp

schell81208
02-01-2014, 11:53 PM
Thanks Jo....that is a great way of putting it....I have come to a point in recovery where that mirror that others show of me..is so different from what I see in me...The past is a distant memory...I am grateful for it today since it does help others identify but I no longer hold it as a club over my head or play victim or that I deserve to be punished and put down because of "what i did" ...today I practice patience, tolerance and lots of self care...self care helps me to appreciate the person I am becoming each day..and the place I am in recovery...I am so grateful for now being able to accept compliments from others...and living in that saying on our coins..."to thine own self be true" It is hard to really look at myself sometimes...but I find more and more I am not afraid of who i am today and yes, when I am pin pointed or dragged through the past i can accept it but turn it over and yes the option to just go away is there...we have so many tools in this journey of recovery...learning to use them may take courage and patience with myself...but it does work...Peace, Schell

MajestyJo
02-02-2014, 04:39 PM
IDENTIFY/COMPARISON

All my life it seems that I have been in competition. I always wanted to be number one, I wanted to be the center of attention, and my whole attitude was "Feast your eyes upon me, I'm here, I'm here, it's too good to be true, but I'm here, I'm here!" It was a name of a song way back when, and I took it as my theme song.

When I came into recovery, there wasn't much of that bravado left. I was an empty shell. I looked at everyone and I compared instead of identify and I stayed sick. I had to stay away from open speaker meetings because I would walk away and say I didn't do that, or I would shut down and I wouldn't listen, and I wouldn't be open to anything the speaker said.

Today thanks to recovery that is no longer true. I use to look around the rooms and say, "I want what they have!" Today, I go into the rooms, and there are few people who have what I haven't already been given or made aware of. That is not bragging, it is fact. I have worked very, very hard on my recovery for the past twelve years. I have had people come up to me and say, "I want what you have!" I respond with, "Well unless you are prepared to work really really hard and do lots and lot of service, you won't get it." They generally end up walking away.

Many times in recovery it has been lonely, because I have joined groups and women have left. Ironically, I am not in competition. I am not out to run a race. I don't want anyone's man. For most of my recovery, I wouldn't have taken him in a lucky bag, I had a lot of anger issues around men and my past. I had some with women too and that is why I joined a Woman's Group for the first three years of my recovery, and why I am in a CA Women's Group today.

The fellowship is small, it need support, and I have been give many gifts in recovery, much awareness, and a spiritual connection with my God, who has granted me a lot of blessings. I believe those blessing were a result of service, nothing more, nothing less.

I am not bad looking for an old lady, and I find it rather humorous to have women draw their men away from talking to me, I have had women leave the room when I started to share, and I never had a black out when I was drinking but I have in sobriety. I have had at least four relationships that I don't remember feeling a thing.

I was anxious last night when I went to detox that the newcomers may not identify and would shut down and shut off because I was there for CA and I have never used Cocaine or Crack in my life. But the substance doesn't matter, and thankfully I was able to put that message across. The problem is me, and the Twelve Steps are to fix me not my addiction because I have a thinking problem, not a drinking and drug problem, the man one God and I are still working on, although the new relationship is coming up to one year.

Alcohol and drug cause a soul sickness. It is a family disease and affects not just the addict and alcoholic, it affects those around them.

I have been given so much, that at two years I wanted to tell the world. At twelve years, I have been given the opportunity. At three years I questioned my existence, my reason for being. I went to two meetings a day for two years and at least once a day I heard, "Give back what was given to you!"

My tongue was a weapon for many years, I tore strips off of people, I took them apart and forgot to put them back together again. My way of making amends to these people is to share the knowledge that has been given to me, that comes my way from great spiritual teachers, from the newest of newcomers, to the oldest long-timer. Up until two years ago when I took sick, I was still doing seven to 10 face to face meetings a week because of service.

I was told if you aren't in a relationship, get involved in service. If you are having difficulty in your own life, get out of yourself by helping others. If you want to keep it, you have to give it away, but the key is, you have to have it to give.

My spiritual adviser told me that I can learn two things in recovery. How to work it and how not to work it. Take what you need and put the rest on the shelf, although for the first few years it was 'forget' the rest.

Please, don't compare identify. I don't want your recovery and I hope you don't want mine because you may get drunk or go out and use if you do. Please find your own.

Written on another site in June 2004

As long as I compared I stayed sick. When I identified parts of myself in others, I healed.

Our feet may have walked a different path to find recovery, but our minds often told us the same things, and our dis-ease manifested itself in many ways.

I had a little chuckle when I read about people not having what I had. Tsk! Tsk! I need people to remind me where I came from. With my memory, it is good but short. It is always good to have a reminder of where you have been and where you are in today. It is hard to believe it was written ten years ago.

http://www.angelwinks.net/images/bowser/bowser11.jpg

MajestyJo
02-06-2014, 01:46 PM
Satisfied/Greedy

Gluttony, greed - Wanting and taking too much: food, sex, time, money, comfort, leisure, material possessions, attention, security. Acquiring things (material things, relationships, attention) at the expense of others.

Yep, that was me in active addiction. God and I have been working on this in recovery. I know that when I become needy, I become greedy.

It is important that I don't allow myself to become 'needy' and recognize that my God meets my needs, anything over and above that is my wants and desires. They are okay in their place but not when it is at the expense of another.

It is nice to give myself some TLC and yet I know that I can spoil myself rotten, and that is not always good. It is not always good to be in a comfortable zone, it generally means time to change. If I get too comfortable, I become complacent. I must remember that it is a one day at a time program, and what I did 10 years ago, or even 10 days ago, doesn't help me in today, except perhaps, if I have already gone through it, a little bit smarter in how to handle things but not always. :(

Being satisfied and finding acceptance, makes me so grateful when those extra little gifts come my way.

Osho says, "Greed simply means you are feeling a deep emptiness and you want to fill it with anything possible. So drop greed, and don't be bothered about the results. Sometimes it happens that because of your impatience, you miss many things.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-dogs/0036.gif

MajestyJo
02-27-2014, 03:52 AM
Acceptance/Control

"Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with Resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary it means accepting it as it comes. . . . To accept is to say yes to life in its entirety." - - Paul Tournier


- controlling attitude toward people, places and things – Trying to control others by manipulation, bribery, punishment, withholding things or tricking them into acting as we wish, even when we believe it is in their best interest to do so. Failing to be equal partners with others and to consider their knowledge and opinions.

Not sure what the correct opposite is, was searching for a word and ended getting phrases.

When I read the preface to Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, I read the preface and ran to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. It was the word control and the issues surrounding it that really stuck out. It painted a too vivid picture and one I didn't like and needed to change.

It has been a process. It is not easy to accept people, places and things for who and what they are and where they are at. The words that came to mind were, "Mind my own business."

If you have to control it, it is already out of control. :sad:

Acceptance is the key, without it I can't get beyond where I am in today. :grin:

http://angelwinks.net/images/iq/qcangrywetcat1.jpg

MajestyJo
02-27-2014, 04:03 AM
Patient/Impatient

This is something I have to practice daily but even more vigilant when things don't seem to be 'going' my way. I found myself out and about at the mall today and not having too much patience for the people around me. Everyone seemed to want to walk through me and it was like I was invisible even though I am pushing a walker. Everyone seems to be in such a rush to go from point A to point B and not interested in looking at the scenery or meeting the people along the way.

It reminded me of my life prior to recovery where I had tunnel vision and looked at life through rose-coloured glasses and life was all about me with no thought of anyone else.

I am careful about praying for patience as it seems my God has a sense of humour and sends things along that I have to learn to tolerate and to practice on.

Something I wrote in 2010 about trying to apply the program to my life:

Had a real test of patience today while waiting for my friend at the hospital. When I see a line up and people waiting and then hear and see staff talking and not 'getting with it' and have little conflabs, I wanted to go up and say, "People we are in a hurry. My friend has a two hour bus ride home. She needs to be out of here!"

I didn't say anything, just thought it but shared the feeling with her. I had to look back at my own work ethics and how often I didn't focus on my own job. Pay back can be a real b*tch.

I went with her to the bus terminal, ususally we go into the mall but we were both tired. The bus I could have taken to the mall to pick up my library book left just as hers pulled in so I made the decision to go home instead of waiting.

It was nice to just sit on my walker in the sun. There was a time I wouldn't have been able to do that. To just sit there and just be and do nothing was impossible. Today I forgot my book and had nothing to read while I was waiting. I looked at a couple of magazines but for the most part I did a little meditating, centered myself, and tried to relax and let go of my pain.

One day at a time, we do get better. Other days, we can be right back there, wondering what happened but thankfully, there are tools to bring us back into the moment and the day. Just because I have a feeling, I don't have to act it out.


http://angelwinks.net/images/greetingspod/greetingspod88.jpg

MajestyJo
03-07-2014, 10:08 AM
*closed mindedness – Contempt prior to investigation. Disregarding things and ideas just because they are new and unknown. Being unwilling to try things or follow suggestions. Failing to remain teachable. Having a mind firmly unreceptive to new ideas or arguments.

This describes a lot of what I was brought up with and thought myself to be very liberal minded. What I was in, was rebellion.

I thought myself a free spirit and what I was a stoned spook/spoof for want of a better word(s), to describe someone who didn't have a clue.

When I was told that HOW the program worked was Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness, the mind was the first thing I did. I thought I had honesty, but I was cash register honest, but I didn't have true self-honest, and that came last.

Using was no longer an option. For me to use was to die, so I had to find a new way of living. I went to lots of meetings to listen to everyone, and I got so mixed up with this pile of knowledge, with not to knowledge about how to sort it and to put what where.

I heard people sharing about a Higher Power, got so confused, that I didn't recognize my own God and realized I didn't know who He was. I went on a spiritual Quest, opening my mind to all possibilities. In the past, my mind would have slammed shut. Instead I became intrigued and kept on looking and I am still looking today. God is as He reveals Himself to me today. If I stop looking, I might forget to start looking again.

God is who I need Him to be in today. He wears many hats and has broad shoulders. He is loving and caring and I am sure sometimes exasperated and frustrated, yet is Love is unconditional and His promises do come true.

With each new day, is a new experience, a new awareness, and a new connection. He is always there I know. Yet for me, it is me that has to make the conscious effort to reach out to Him.

MajestyJo
03-07-2014, 10:09 AM
When it comes to many things, because of my upbringing, I thought that life didn't have very many options. I didn't know I had choices. I didn't know that if it wasn't done the way I was taught, it could be acceptable too. I thought everything was dyed in stone, and my outlook was very narrow, and if things didn't seem acceptable, my mind, snapped shut.

To know that there is no right way or wrong way of working the program. To know that there is no race, no order that things had to be done although it was suggested that the Steps be taken in order. I wasn't too open to that. I can seeing going over them with your sponsor in order, but when it comes to living, they are applicable in the moment as needed. For example: I can't deal with this defect of character yet because I am not on Step 6, I am on Step 2. I went to a lot of Step meetings. It was important to open my mind and listen to how other members worked the Steps and what they did for their lives.

Recovery is important to me. Each day is a new beginning, a new experience, a new awakening, and I am open to anything spiritual in nature.

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS5tNuy832BzmgN5zhGlNMvBCA4nmY-VRrUr4asT86lFk56ih16

MajestyJo
03-14-2014, 05:35 AM
"Acceptance says, True, this is my situation at the moment.

I'll look unblinkingly at the reality of it. But I'll also open my
hands to accept willingly whatever a loving Father sends me."

- - Catherine Marshall

"Anxiety – Not as a clinical diagnosis, but as a general way of viewing things with an eye toward what is wrong, what might be wrong, what has been wrong or what is going to be wrong. Excessive worry, especially about things I cannot change

- Realitistic Recovery

Well this is where I am at and what I need to change. Sending prayers and asking for help to stay in today and not project into next week.

Accepting the things I cannot change is difficult and not always easy, accepting the unknown is even more difficult for me. I like to be in the know. Not that I have any more control, just want to know what is happening, probably because I am curious and just plain snoopy, because if I knew, there is no saying I would do anything about it.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/avatars-100x100-pigs/0061.gif

I like the fact that I don't have to like it in order to accept it. I know I will not like it, and I can accept the situation is at hand, just not sure what form the situation will take.

I have a feeling that the Serenity Prayer will be said many times, and grateful that I can't wear it out.

Like all things, no matter what I go through, I know that I have to get to a place of acceptance. The nice thing about is is the awareness, that you are there or you are not and you can work towards it.

Just have to leave it all in my God Hands. It is a good thing that He has large Hands.

MajestyJo
03-14-2014, 05:50 AM
"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…" (James 1:19, NIV)


The slogan Hesitate and Meditate helped me. Stop and think before you speak. I often walk away, think about something, process it, and then share on it.

One time I lost it in the AA office when they said that the Women's Discussion group couldn't be a part of Inter-group and I had to return my papers. I returned my papers, after responding to a poor guy who was on telephone answering service who just said good morning. He was not the person I was angry at but he got the brunt of the outburst. I later thought, just think of what I would have said if I hadn't said the Serenity Prayer for the three blocks it took me to get there.

I made an amend to the person later. And the man who made the statement, came to the group and made an amend.

That was when I was about 3 years sober. Seldom do I think and say it these day. It is generally an accumulation of things that cause me to react.

I do myself and the others an injustice when I am not kind. Quite often it is the sins of someone else or a compound of issues from my past that affect me in today. It also helps me to remember Hugs not Drugs. Drugs come in many forms. Anything that stands between me and who my God would have me be in today.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-bears-flowers/0028.gif

MajestyJo
03-14-2014, 05:55 AM
Have always had an open mind since coming into recovery, especially when it comes to a Higher Power that works for everyone. Especially needed it, to get over the resentment and anger that I felt yesterday.

It is His Grace that brought me here so it is only right I extend grace to others. I tend to be a bit stubborn when it comes to what I believe in. I have trouble letting it go. I can even admit to being a bit smug and have told a few people, "I told you so." It doesn't happen very often in today.

My boss use to say, "I hate it when you are right." He was always out to prove me wrong.

My father use to say I was more contrary than stubborn. This was true in my marriage. I always picked a different team and seldom cheered or the same team as my ex. I cheered for the Saskatchewan Rough Riders because their uniforms were green.

Bridge has helped me to be more gracious to my partner. As I have posted before, the director and owner of the club says, "If you want to find a good partner, be one." Her words stuck with me. She is not program. She is a spiritual lady at heart and a complete agnostic.

When ever I hear open-mind, I think of that other quote I have posted many times, "Don't have such an open mind that everything falls out of it.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/avatars-100x100-cats/0092.gif

An open mind, means that I allow others to speak their truth, that doesn't mean I have to accept it as mine, but allowing them the space to speak and share.

If I look hard enough, I am sure I will find something I need to hear and if I listen hard enough, identify instead of compare, I will see that it is a reflection from within me, something I don't want to deal with. I think of it as their stuff, not mine; when in fact, it takes one to know one.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-bears-flowers/0027.gif

MajestyJo
03-21-2014, 02:28 PM
Outgoing - Withdrawn

I look at it as introverted and extroverted, I was both.

On the whole, for most of my life I was out going. Before it was bolster courage, because I always wanted to fit in and be a part of what ever was the it thing in the moment. A lot was a brave front to hide my low self-esteem and I had little confidence. I wasn't shy, just unsure of myself.

Over the years I have mellowed. Not so out there as I use to be.

In today, I am more withdrawn but thanks to the internet I can connect to others in recovery.

Hoping when the good weather comes, I can get out to meetings. Meetings have always been a healing tool for me, so glad that I can have this connection with all of you. When I am withdrawn, I can isolate my soul and God`s messages don`t always get through all the barriers I put up.

Like all things there is balance.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-elephants-3/miniatures/0006.gifhttp://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-elephants-3/miniatures/0007.gif

MajestyJo
03-27-2014, 10:33 PM
“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind
of person who can live at peace with others.” - - unknown

Tolerant/Intolerant

Most days I am, unless I am intolerant of myself.

As they say in the program, if you ask for patience, you get things to tolerate to practice on, quite often that is myself.

As the Al-Anon slogan says, "Let it begin with me." Recovery isn't about the other person, it is about me. Often that other person is a reflection, and more often than not, they have a lesson to teach me. Not just tolerance, but what I see in them, is something within myself that I need to address.

"Intolerance is the most socially acceptable form of
egotism, for it permits us to assume superiority without personal boasting." - - Sydney J. Harris

Most times I am intolerant of myself for being less than, for not measuring up to what I feel I can do or have done in the past. I had to learn to take it easy on myself and not be such a hard task master. Comparison always left me feeling less than or better than, and recovery reminds me that we walk this road together. We each have our own cross to bear, our own idiosyncrasies and our own issues to deal with.

A lot boils down to lower expectations and much more acceptance. I had to remember that some people are just not capable or able to meet my expectations and I really have no right to place them on them.

The insanity of our disease, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-animals/0410.gif

MajestyJo
04-02-2014, 10:11 PM
Humble/Arrogant

Arrogance, conceit- Offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride. An excessively favourable opinion of one’s own ability, importance, wit, etc. Being a know-it-all. Telling others how I am better than someone else, or thinking those thoughts to myself.

Lydia at Don't Drink and Die

Don't like to think I am like this. I try to share my experience, strength and hope. Fess up to my foibles and admit to those little things that get in the way in my daily life.

I know that left on my own, I would not be clean and sober today. So many people have been put in my path, great teachers, many who I met on this site.

I tried my way for many years. I am so grateful that I had the 10 years of meetings as a foundation on which to build on in today, I may post a lot on the site. I made a commitment to do certain readings and post which I try to do daily. If something speaks to me, I try to share it with the hope that it will help others.

I love recovery. I love the program. I wouldn't have recovery without the program, the 12 Steps and the 12 Traditions. If I am feeling as though I am being arrogant, then I need to look at where I came from.

Each day truly is a new beginning. God is as He reveals Himself to me in today.

http://angelwinks.net/images/animated/animated19.gif

MajestyJo
04-02-2014, 10:16 PM
“The truest characters of ignorance are vanity, and pride
and arrogance.” - - Samuel Butler


Heard two things about humility in early recovery. One long-timer said it meant to be remain teachable.

The other long-timer was speaking at a meeting and introduced himself as, Hi, I am Len, I am a humble recovering alcoholic. If you ever hear anyone say they have humility, you know they haven't got it, which broke up the room. He carried a great message to me that night. We can do what I can't do alone. When I think I am running the show, I am running toward a relapse.

First and foremost, come God. My God utilizes people, places and things to show me a better way of life. It is up to me to be humble enough to accept that help and in return pay it forward.

http://angelwinks.net/images/animated/animated98.gif

MajestyJo
04-02-2014, 10:18 PM
"Be willing to be a beginner every single morning."
— Meister Eckhart


I was told the difference is admitting you don't know it all and willing to learn and be teachable vs thinking you know it all and your way is the only way.

I will always remember a long-timer speaking and saying, "If you hear someone say that they are humble and have humility, you know that the don't." He then turned around and said, "I am a humble man." Of coarse, everyone had a big laugh. It was a known fact to those who knew him that he tended to be quite arrogant at times.

I heard at a meeting, "Humble means to become teachable." I had a guy ask me out for coffee a few years into recovery. He asked, "Do all you do is talk recovery?" I said, "Yes, it is a way of life." I am still talking recovery. I still work the program. I am still a student of recovery. I am on this journey for the long haul. As I have said many times before, "I don't want to know what my Higher Power looks like. If I knew then I might stop looking for Him." I just try to remember to take my Higher Power with me on each day's journey. Sometimes I get lost, make a wrong turn or get side tracked. When I do, I search until I find Him and find my way back home.

posted on another site in 2011

http://angelwinks.net/images/animated/animated126.gif

MajestyJo
04-02-2014, 10:25 PM
“The truest characters of ignorance are vanity,
and pride and arrogance.” — Samuel Butler

Had to quit posting this morning because I still had my head ache. Ironically, I did look at the word arrogant and thought, the opposite is humility. God must be at work here!

For most of my life, I realized that I was very arrogant. I thought I knew everything and if I didn't, then I made sure I went out and did learn. My boss use to say, "God! I hate it when you are right." It wasn't only the knowing, it was me making sure that you knew I was right too.

Humility was accepting that of myself, I am nothing. It is to remain teachable and open to other ideas other than my own. It is being aware of my faults as well as my strengths and accepting them and knowing that through my God, they can be changed. It is also know that I am loved in spite of them.

Being humble doesn't mean being humiliated. Humble is just saying, "I don't know and being comfortable with the fact." To not know, to not be able to do, was failure, shame and total humiliating. Today, I acknowledge my human nature. Before it was an embarrassment.

http://angelwinks.net/images/animated/animated176.gif

MajestyJo
04-07-2014, 11:58 PM
Willing/Contrary

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.” - - unknown

When I got to recovery, I saw everyone doing what I had tried doing for eight years before I got here. They stopped using and stayed stopped. I was sick and tired of being tired and sick, using was no longer an option, it was do or die. I was willing to do whatever it took to stay clean and sober. I use to go around and say, "If they told me to climb a telephone pole once a day and sit for several hours, I would have done it.

I have always had the willingness to stay sober. I have, for the most part, been willing to go to any length to do it. I kept coming and did the do things, because I had a healthy fear of going back out if I did not. I had a lot of people who went back out and did the research for me.

I learned not to trust the people, just because they were in the rooms of recovery, didn't mean they had sobriety. What I did learn to trust was the program. I saw that it worked. Through that trust, I learn to trust a Higher Power, which lead me to be willing to look at myself.

Before I had always been looking outward. I no longer played the blame game, and was willing to look at me. The problem wasn't the substance (pills, alcohol, men, food, work, etc.), it was but a symptom of my disease. The problem was me.


"Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and act anyway".
- - Robert Anthony


For most of my life I was more willfull than willing. I want what I want and I want it now.

By the time I got to the doors of recovery, I became willing to do what ever it took, not to go back to where I came from. Using was no longer an option, so I was willing to do what was suggested to me. They say they are only suggestions, but I also found them to be, enlightening, if I didn't do, I wouldn't be able to stay sober. My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery.

For the most part, I have kept that willingness. Willing to change, willing to make changes, willing to learn and grow.

I didn't have my won't power! I had problems saying "No" and yet when I should, I couldn't say "No" to the wrong things. Recovery was learning to say no to drugs and abuse. Abuse from myself and others was no longer an option, I was willing to learn to care for myself and learn to live a healthy way of life.

My father told me many years ago that I was contrary, more than I was stubborn. It seemed like I like arguing for argument sake. I wasn't willing to give in and agree, I went kicking and fighting all the way. As they say, "I had to change my attitude in order to recover."

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/avatars-100x100-pigs/0047.gif

MajestyJo
04-11-2014, 08:34 PM
Consistent/Inconsistent

This isn't a chip I do well. Because of my sleeping patterns, I don't get here on a regular basis, but I do try to get here. I do know that when I come here and post, I feel better. My only problem is whether I can think through the pain. It is one thing to copy and paste, the challenge is reading and taking the words off the pages and applying them to my life.

There has to be a solution. Although after typing that, the thought came, perhaps a change in attitude too. :)

I do like constant in my life. I have always had a lot of insecurity in my life. Like everything else, it is something God and I are working on.

I am consistent in prayer, I am not consistent in praying at the same time every day. As a result, I pray often, when needed, and when I want to ask for healing for others.

Sometimes I slip and fall, and that is okay, because I know my God is consistent and is always there to help me back up.

I don't have to physically pick up, but I can slip mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-bears/0128.gif

MajestyJo
04-17-2014, 09:07 PM
Forgiving/Resentful

Forgiveness is healing not of just my past, but my life in today. It is ironic how God gives me what I need, often gently but more often than not by a 2 x 4.

I just got off the phone after whining about why I didn't go to a certain meeting because I found so many personalities at the group that I have trouble finding the principles. I got off the phone, read the reading from the Daily Guru today and it was about forgiveness. It reminded me that God has a big eraser.

Instead of being resentful about other people's actions and words, I needed to let go and find forgiveness, consider the source and often look at where they are coming from. It isn't always about me, yet it needs to begin with me.

I don't do it for them, I do it for my own recovery. Looking out keeps me sick.


Last night I found myself shutting off and not listening to my friend called. She stayed overnight at my place on Wednesday and left for a 10 a.m. appointment. She cooked a lot of food and only ate about 1/3 of what she cooked. Made a whole pot of coffee and only drank 1/4 of it. It was so strong I couldn't drink it.

After I got off the phone, I thought, "How important is it?" Is it worth finishing an eight year relationship over some wasted food. Of course, it wasn't. Being the hostess, I should have cooked the rice and let her tell me what she wanted done to it. The reason I didn't was because I was in major pain, but then I always have pain and it was no reason to take it out on her. I went to a computer class with her. I had vowed I wasn't going to go, but did anyway. I did learn something though. It was a class on Outlook Express and was free.

It is alright to be angry. It isn't right to hang on to it. It not only hurts me, but her as well. How often I forget that when my thoughts are projected they are harmful, especially when they come back at me.

Posted in 2006

Was thinking of this person today, almost got the bus to go to her place this afternoon. Then I think and remember, she smokes and has birds that fly around in her house, and even if the were in the cage, they would bother my asthma and my C.O.P.D., so I followed up with a phone call when I got home and there was no answer.

Forgiveness is a big part of recovery. I have found that prayer is the healing solution, for me and the other person.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-cats/0369.gif

MajestyJo
04-21-2014, 12:23 PM
Faith/Fear

Confident - having faith/Apprehensive - having fear

Don't like the label fear any more, I keep saying, I shouldn't feel that way, let go and let God and have faith. Having a little problem with it, because I keep forgetting that my son has his own Higher Power and it is up to him to turn to Him. All I can do is ask my God to intermediate.

If my son refuses to reach out and ask for help, there is nothing I can do.

My lesson the last few days has been, if you don't like where you are at, then turn it over, ask for help to change. Have faith that God knows what is Good for you and He will direct your path.

I am not sure if I haven't had a lot of Good Orderly Direction and I am suppose to just be or if I am just not listening and ignoring what I need to hear. So just trying to walk in faith, and what will be will be as long as I get out of the way and keep the faith.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/easter-animals/0013.gif

MajestyJo
04-21-2014, 12:23 PM
"Faith supplies staying power. Anyone can keep going when the
going is good, but some extra ingredient is needed to keep you
fighting when it seems that everything is against you"

-Norman Vincent Peale


Never realized how much of my life was fear based. It was there in different ways, and lots of times was overcome by bravado and with an defensive attitude, not wanting others to know.

I would not be alive or clean and sober today if I allowed fear to run my life. I think the most difficult part is recognizing it for what it is when it comes creeping in. The biggest difference in today is that in today, I know that my God has my back.

The biggest challenge is my short term memory because I sometimes misplace Him or forget to take Him with me on my travels and have to go back for Him.

As they say, fear and faith can't occupy the same space. I have heard a lot of people disagree with this. I know I have felt fear, and held on tight and not wanting to let go. The fear of the unknown is my biggest obstacle, I have always wanted to be 'in the know' and often hold onto the old because I don't know what is going to replace it.

In today I prefer "Face everything and recovery" to the old way of "Fear everything and run."

Fear -or- Faith

"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is." - -German Proverb

I know that when I came into recovery, I learned to have faith in the program and know it would work for me. Through the program, I regained a faith and trust in my Higher Power which led to having trust and faith in myself as a woman.


"As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no
longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will
flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your
great delight and benefit". — Emmanuel

Control is an illusion. Sometimes I think it is faith, but on perusal, it is still fear based and conditional. A part of me is still saying, "Don't tell me, show me."

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/easter-animals/miniatures/0019.gif

MajestyJo
04-27-2014, 02:51 PM
“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”

Oscar Wilde

When it comes from the heart, it is always sincere. Sometimes when it comes from the head, it can be also with the right intention and motive.

“To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; credible we must be truthful.”

~ Edward R. Murrow

"Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless
contribution experience life's deepest joy: true fulfillment."

— Anthony Robbins

If I am not sincere, I am not being honest. Often actions speak louder than words.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-dogs/0340.gif

MajestyJo
05-04-2014, 01:08 AM
Hopeful/Despondent

This is where I have been the last few days. My son has been talking about going into detox and then going back into recovery. That gave me hope, that finally, he was willing to do for himself.

The hope was followed by despondence, because like before, it has been talk and no action.

Today I spoke to him and asked if he had called detox. He said, "I can't smoke there." I am not going there until I have smoked my last cigarette, and I have no cigarettes to come back to.

Hope is there, because I didn't find recovery until I was 49. He will be 48 next month.

It is much easier listening than hearing him talk suicidal.

With my own pain, plus the stuff I was taking on that wasn't mine, not being able to detach completely, I was back thinking of stop the world, I want to get off. I was losing hope for myself, because if it wasn't one thing it was another. I am aware that alot of it is emotional and me having problems letting go and accepting that one more thing that seems to be added to the load.

As they say, never fear, God is near. Let go of my son and his issues. Let go of my own pain, turn it over to my Higher Power, and pray for healing, awareness, acceptance, and the removal of all blocks and barriers.

How can I have hope, if I don't go to my God, I am powerless over my own dis-ease and that of my sons. How can I have hope if I don't trust.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-mice/0093.gif

MajestyJo
05-11-2014, 04:16 AM
Peace/Chaotic

n the past, if things were not chaotic, I thought something was wrong. I was use to that chaos. If it wasn't chaotic, I generally was the one who stirred things up.

The gift of recovery is the fact that I can go within and find peace within the chaos, be it mine or someone else's. The first time I felt serenity, I called my sponsor and was told, do you think you just might have found a little bit of peace and serenity. I said, "Is that what it is? It feels strange."

A nice kind of chaotic. I call it "Everyone wanting to be heard over everyone else and you can sit back and detach and watch the scenario unfold"

I don't have to feed into or buy into other people's games.

That doesn't mean I am an angel, just a Child of God, who is a spiritual being, trying to live on this Earth.

http://angelwinks.net/images/animated/animated81.gif

MajestyJo
05-11-2014, 12:53 PM
People - Pleasing

"...approval-seeking behavior carried us further into our addiction..."

NA Basic Text p. 14

When others approve of what we do or say, we feel good; when they disapprove, we feel bad. Their opinions of us, and how those opinions make us feel, can have positive value. By making us feel good about steering a straight course, they encourage us to continue doing so. "People-pleasing" is something else entirely. We "people-please" when we do things, right or wrong, solely to gain another person's approval.

Low self-esteem can make us think we need someone else's approval to feel okay about ourselves. We do whatever we think it will take to make them tell us we're okay We feel good for awhile. Then we start hurting. In trying to please another person, we've diminished ourselves and our values. We realize that the approval of others will not fill the emptiness inside us.

The inner satisfaction we seek can be found in doing the right things for the right reasons. We break the people-pleasing cycle when we stop acting merely to gain others' approval and start acting on our Higher Power's will for us. When we do, we may be pleasantly surprised to find that the people who really count in our lives will approve all the more of our behavior. Most importantly, though, we will approve of ourselves.

Just for today: Higher Power, help me live in accordance with spiritual principles. Only then can I approve of myself.

pg. 107

This was one of my biggest defects of character. I lived my life through others. I was out to please you so you would love me because I didn't love myself.

My addiction was Other People. The more I had in my life, the more people I had who loved me.

I gave up a piece of me, every time I picked up a drug. People were part of my drug, getting new people to accept and love me. I needed you to validate me because I could never find it within myself.

Thanks to this program, I no longer have to do that. It is okay to be me. I have a Higher Power who loves me the way I am, warts and all. I had to learn to accept myself, so I didn't keep looking outside of myself to make me feel better.

:62:

MajestyJo
05-18-2014, 02:30 PM
Some times we don't realize that we have a defect of character, either we have had it for a long time or it seems normal, because we grew up with it and they match our old tapes.

http://realisticrecovery.wordpress.com/2009/02/21/list-of-character-defects/

http://texandave.blogspot.ca/2005/08/character-defects.html

Sometimes we have trouble getting honest and pull on the blanket of denial or turn a blind eye and have selective hearing, sight, and feel like if we don't acknowledge it, it isn't there, or just maybe, it will go away.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-dogs/0073.gif

MajestyJo
06-06-2014, 03:50 AM
What are your thoughts on "Behavioral Addictions", are they
addictions, or bad habits that we enjoy?

Please share your thoughts.....

A good question! My first thought was they were behaviors that developed as a result of my addiction(s). My love for attention, for validation and approval, my people pleasing, my looking for someone to love me and willing to go to any length to receive that love. A lot stemmed from my need to get comfort or a high and what I needed to do to attain it and maintain it.

Behaviors can be changed. Behaviors can be modified. Behaviors can no longer stand me in good stead and have to be revised to fit my life in today. Behaviors are often as a result of my action to others, which becomes my issue not theirs.

Again, when I see the contol word, I think "if I have to control it, it is out of control." For me, the only way it can be controld is by surrendering it and asking my Higher Power for help. Control for me is an illusion. An example of this is me buying myself a treat. I tell myself I will have it a piece at a time. I have it a piece at a time but the problem is, it generally ends up being two pieces. As much as I give myself a talking to and tell myself I shouldn't eat it all at once or I shouldn't buy it at all, it ends up in my fridge. Until I find the willingness, to turn it completely over and ask my HP to take away the craving and the need, it isn't going to happen if I am truly honest with myself. I am telling tales on myself so perhaps, this will be the beginning of the first step on this matter.

I went today to check my Lottario ticket, I thought it was last night and it told me results were not available. The ticket is for tonight. A woman came to stand beside my and said, "I like those, I spend $20, sometimes I win but most times I lose." She was referring to Nevada Tickets. I told her that I allowed myself $3. and if I win I win, if I don't I don't. She said, "Lucky you!" There really isn't a difference, no matter what we spend, we still have the desire to buy. My $3. is a result of asking my Higher Power for help because they were out of control. I no longer buy every day and there are days that I can walk by them and not buy any, that in itself is a miracle from where I was before.

I choose not to spend any more than I can afford to lose.

Is it an addiction, a bad habit, a behaviour pattern, or all of the above?

Again, it isn't the substance that is the problem. An addiction is a mental obsession and an allergy to the body, mind and spirit, we do not metabolize or think the way, most people do. The chemical imbalance is different between different people, but it isn't the substance that causes it, I firmly believe a lot of it is in our genes and we are more often than not, products of our environment. We don't have to take on other people's stuff, but we often do without realizing it. Just another aspect of our dis-ease.

Originally posted on another site on 2010.

I was told that anything that I put between me, and who my God would have me be in today. Anything that will take me out of a space I don't want to be in. What I use to shut down and shut off. It may start as "just this time" and yet, when I start thinking more, I see it as part of my dis-ease. My addiction is the thinking behind the substance. What is my motive and intent. I had to learn to give myself permission to have a nap when my body needed it. In the past, my bed was my place of escape for life and what was around me. I didn't want to eat, even though I was hungry. I was thinking fat, so would pick up a cigarette. I would want to go to a certain event, but kept telling myself it was alright to run away from home. The only problem is that wherever I go, I take me with me.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-pandas-9/0008.gif

MajestyJo
06-16-2014, 07:10 PM
Cooperative -or- Domineering

It has been my experience that we all bring different gifts. As the saying goes, "If you only have one thought in a room, only one person is doing the thinking.

So many people don't do because they compare instead of identifying. If we all did our small part, and contribute what we can, we become part of the whole.

When I was posting the daily quotes from the Eporium, I was accused of copying and pasting too much, so I have tried to cut back and only post a couple a day. When something speaks to me, I share on it. I have found that all things don't speak to all people and as a group we are varied in our origin, addiction, and our journeys to the doors of recovery. Rather than post too much at one time, I try to spread my posts out over the course of the day.

My primary purpose is to carry the message to the addict/alcoholic who still suffers. When i couldn't come here to this site and the others I attend, because I was in the hospital, I found a big change in my attitude.

I personally, need the help of one addict, sharing with another, to stay clean and sober.

These are certainly part of my disease. Even when I am co-operating, am
people please, looking for attention, wanting to be part of the crowd that fit isn, or am I my own personality. I always feel like I have a right to express my opinion, when others do not agree, that is okay. I can agree to disagree.

I figure the best way to test group conscience, is to look to see if you have newcomers walking in your door. Are they coming back, are members taking a part in service, or all the faithful few doing all the work. Are they faithful, or are they controlling. Do they have singleness of mind, do they want what is for the Higher Good or for their own personal Gain and Goodness. Look at me people, look at what I do, am I not wonderful.

This is what people thought I was doing, and yet I was working with the new people, and when they went to another group they were told to stay away. They thought I was holding the meeting in my apartment. I didnèt even live in the building. It took about 3 years before members with some sobriety starting coming out and supporting the group.

There were 7 meeting in 6 years, and we held them for 7 years. I started them at 3 years sober, they worked for me. I went back to school and passed the group onto two others, one who got sober in the group.
I took a course to learn how to operate a computer and ended up with a certificate for business administration on computers. I learned that I did not want to go back to that kind of work, had done it for 22 years. All I wanted to do is go to meetings and carry the message. The course opened the door for me to come and share on line when I was not well enough to go to meetings.

I do not have the power to control others, unless they give up their power. I can not lose my power, unless I give it over to others. It is not my power, when I surrendered to the program, I was empowered to do what I needed to do one day at a time, to stay clean and sober.

All I can do is sew the seed, what others do with it is not up to me. All I can do is share my experience, strength, and hope. I was made to think, become aware, experience and enjoy life in a new way.

The program works, when I work it. When I do not work it, I go back into the illusion of control. In today, I choose to co-operate with others, but not at the expense of my recovery and my own personal self awareness. I can allow others to be themselves. They may not have gotten to where I am, or they are in a place, I have been to, or I have been and decided on a different journey or have been led elsewhere.

Through my God, I am guided and directed, led and given freedom of choice. I choose sobriety and my God Will. Without Him, I have nothing.

We can do what I can not do alone. I tried my way for 8 years, my way did not work. I do not want to be that person again.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-cats/0278.gif

MajestyJo
06-19-2014, 04:16 AM
DISCIPLINE/UNDISCIPLINED


This is something I am trying to work on to put some structure back into my life, so I can let go of some of the clutter of things I need to let go of, things I need to detach from, habits that need to be reformed. I am sure that this is something God and I will be continuing work on this.

I have always been a person who tends to bend if not break rules to fit the occasion and tend to ignore and hope things will go away if I ignore them or put them on a shelf until such a time as I feel up to 'dealing' with them. The shelves need dusting, the piles are too big too ignore, and some of my habits are keeping me from living a responsible life.


http://www.angelwinks.net/images/mot6.jpg

Organized I am not, although I can do things in my head, putting them into reality is another matter.
Thanks for letting me share.

MajestyJo
07-04-2014, 09:52 PM
In early recovery, I didn't think I had any faults after I quit using. After all, I was raised to be a good Christian girl.

It took me awhile to recognize that to err is human. I didn't want to admit to being human let alone the error. When I heard people say, "Well I am only human you know," I would get a resentment. I felt as though they used the saying as a cop out. They use their humanness to not change.

In today, I tell it as it is. What you see is what you get. As a friend said to me on Messenger the other night, "g/f you are just 2 2 funny. I never know what is going to come out of your mouth next."

Before recovery, it was all about the blame game. It was every one elses fault and the world owed me a favor as I was so hard done by.

Today I embrace change. I don't want to be that person any more. She was not very likeable. She still has a lot of work to do on herself. God and I work on it one day at a time.


"When you blame others, you give up your power to change."
- - Unknown


Before recovery, I thought I was the best. I thought I was being the best me I could be. I also learned that you can't know what you were never taught. I was very isolated on the farm growing up and didn't have a lot of people skills. I didn't have a best friend until I was 17. When I met her, I was the follower. As my disease progressed, I became the leading authority.

So glad that it is progress not perfection.

Posted in 2011

Caught myself the other day blaming my son. I know that when I do that, it is about me and my attitude and it is time to take my own inventory.

Liken this little angel, I am not in tune with my God. When you find yourself talking just to hear yourself, talking to be the leading authority, talking to project your stuff onto others, talking to manipulate and change someone else, for the most part it is a lot of hot air.

I know if I find myself there, I know it is time to have a little talk with my God. If it is all of the above, then I have to have a BIG talk and then make sure I stop talking and listen.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-cherubs/0013.gif

Hope I don`t come across like that, it is not my motive and intent. I am just trying to share my experience, strength and hope with others.

MajestyJo
08-03-2014, 03:07 AM
Willing to admit faults/self-righteous:


https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTQwRBEyZHvkGyYjIWE5uci3QcLABBk5 Q7oFfAUYFBC6gL1Ujxm

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"If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?"

-- Erma Bombeck

When I saw this, I thought it read, "What am I doing with the pits?"

Both are worth thought and require action on my part. The 12 Steps are applicable to both.

Am I practicing the principles in all my affairs? Do I work the Steps into my daily life? Do I just think program in meetings and leave my program at the door when I go home, to work, or out into the community?

Do I think, oh woe is me? I am an alcoholic. I am so hard done by, forgetting that I should be grateful that I have found this new way of living. If I wasn't an alcoholic, I wouldn't have known that there was a chance at recovery.

Do I sometimes need to eat my words? Do I give others a second thought? Am I so caught up in self that I don't have time for others?


Originally posted in 2011, it takes self-honesty in today to find that you can still go there in today, that is why it is a one day at a time program. That is why I have the tools of recovery, the 12 Steps to fall back on, which helps me to get honest.

Silent Gratitude is not much good to anyone! I am grateful for the rooms of recovery that showed me a better way of life.

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MajestyJo
08-03-2014, 03:18 AM
TRUST -or- SUSPICIOUS

“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions,
then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.” - - unknown

Tend to trust until it is broken, regaining it can be a real issue. I try for others, because people had to learn to trust me. Wasn't aware of how much I stretched the truth or lied by omission. I told people what I thought they wanted to hear and didn't tell them things that I thought would 'upset' them.

At the moment, going through with my son. I take every thng he says with a grain of salt, and then generally end up throwing it out as being not being the truth. I have found that the truth doesn't matter, it is not his reality at the moment.

I trust my Higher Power. At first I thought that everything that I was lead to was good and never thought of it being for my Higher Good and I have a lesson to learn. Often it looked good and I had to discern if it truly was good for me. I don't think God tests me, I know that I have tested God, not always consciously, but in all honesty, my attitude is generally, "Fix this!" or " Fix this if you can." I think there is sometimes there is a belief it won't turn out the way I want it to and I am challenging Him to see how He does it!" :(

I try to walk in my truth today. Learning to trust my instincts took me through a lot of trials and tribulations.


Wrote this in 2011

Had to remember that my truth may not be someone elses. If you want to get me upset, call me a liar. It was a great relief when I learned that I could agree to disagree. I think we all try to be as honest and as trust worthy as we can be in today. Some days we fall short and other days, we exceed ourselves and we are surprised.

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MajestyJo
08-07-2014, 09:16 AM
The following link tells the difference between defects of character and short comings. For me, one is thought and the other is putting the thought into action.

http://www.texasdistrict5.com/defects---shortcomings.htm

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MajestyJo
08-10-2014, 05:04 PM
"Cultivating patience helps us tremendously with our program.

We grow in patience when we give God control of our lives and decide to live according to His timetable."
- - Food for Thought

Most times I am patient! NOT!!! This is something I have to practice daily and have had to do so for all my years in recovery. I do admit to it getting better and as much as I hate the saying, "Progress not Perfection" on this I am willing to apply it to because I am not sure I will ever master this.

With my health issues and sleeping patterns, they would surely test the power of Job.

Eating dinner at midnight. Waking up at 5 p.m. All things that are not good for my recovery. True, I am not on a timetable and I don't have anyone else to please or be there for but myself. Yet these hours, don't really give me the time I need to do for me.

It is not healthy to sleep the sunny hours away. I know people do it when they work nights but I am a person who needs sun. Yet having said that, I have never wanted to go to bed at night and I never wanted to get up in the morning. No wonder my body is mixed up, I can't even make up my own mind! LOL!

I am quite patient with others, especially if I see them trying. It is when they don't try and even less patience if I see that they want me to do the work for them.

As I have posted before, I use to push the automatic doors and try not to push them open, but to stand their and wait for them to open. This was at 3 years sober. Today, I have to wait for them with my walker. People are nice and hold door open and I always say thank you, yet I always seem to have problem accepting it, and tell them, "That is fine, I am use to opening and handling doors." It will be a great day when I can just say "Thank You" and leave it there. I am not saying I don't, I am learning, but the old me can still creep back in. I no longer have to justify my existence. It is okay to be me. It is at times like those mentioned and many others, that I lose patience with myself.

Posted originally on another site in 2010

This may seem like old news, but this is one day at a time program. It is better, but I can still go there.

Just because you work on a defect of character, it does come back. I think this is because we happen to be human.

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MajestyJo
08-14-2014, 06:50 AM
Perceptive/Judgmental

Certainly didn't have perception when I was using. It was always about the other person, never about me. In today, I know it is all about me, it isn't about what the other person is doing. It is a program of reflection, and if I am ever in doubt about who I am judgmental about, I just have to look at where I am pointing the finger, be it at myself or another.

The times I find that I am lacking in judgment is when someone, especially someone with many years in the program, being judgmental of others and are putting them down. I know we are all human and can go there, but hopefully, don't stay there.

Today I heard someone doing that, and the difference was today, I didn't react to it, I listened to her and said, "Sounds like you need a meeting." She is going through a difficult time and not getting enough sleep. She needed a friend not someone who was going to attack her and reminder her to work her program.

I know for me, when I get like that, I need a meeting too.

Posted in 2011 on another site.

Perception and asking for it's healing for today, was part of my daily routine, and I realized I got away from it, I have been asking for clarity, but need to stretch my recovery to cover more.

Perception is not a recovery tool, but part of our disease, and I need to ask for cleansing and an open mind.

Was very judgmental in the beginning of recovery, if you disagreed with what my sponsor told me, you were wrong. Unfortunately, I was quick to inform you. If you judge me, I will judge you. Glad I don't have to go there in today. If I find myself there, I know to turn it over to my God and ask for it to be healed and removed.

May me eyes be cleansed, my vision broadened, and acceptance of others. If I am told "It is alright, you are right where you are suppose to be," then the same is good for others. It is alright, if I have been working my program, cleaning my side of the street, and walking with my God. If I doubt myself, I am doubting and not trusting God.

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MajestyJo
08-14-2014, 07:12 AM
Moral/Immoral


"Coming to believe in a Higher Power gives us a new, broader
perspective. We learn the security of trusting eternal values
and moral principles. - - "Food for Thought"


For me it was about self-honesty that made the difference. I had cloaked myself in denial for so long that it was important to truly look at myself and stop comparing myself with others and take a good look at who I really was. It was important to look at the positive as well as the negative and use the Steps to change.

Posted in 2010. I used the word compare here, but it wasn't the right word to use. I had to identify, not compare. When I compared, I stayed sick.

Self-honesty didn't come easy, especially when aided by my judgmental attitude.

Those rose-coloured glasses can be deceiving. They can lighten up a blighten up a scenery, especially if in our mind we don't want to go there.

Recover takes work, and as we go through the Steps, we become enlightened and more honest.

For example: I was raised to be a good Christian girl, who went to church 3 times on Sunday. I was dressed 'up' in prissy clothes, frills (ugh), gloves, nylons and garter belts. I know, I am old. I was born in 1942, the year the war was ending.

That same girl became very outgoing, very social, and loved attention, especially if you are going to buy me a drink. I had a mouth that was totally garbage, and I the abused became the abuser,not only of others but to herself. As a girl in recovery said, when she saw my old dart team picture, "I don't think I would have liked to have been your friend back then."

I acted out in my disease and it changed me. That person isn't here any more, neither is the upright self-righteous Christian girl that I was raised to be.

The program is about change. Why would I want to remain in my disease? As my sponsor said, "You have been transformed like a butterfly." Thank God for the freedom of recovery.

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MajestyJo
09-03-2014, 09:26 PM
PROCRASTINATE/DO IT

“If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard,
just keep putting off doing it.” —Olin Miller

Well I do admit to being a procrastinator. I always procrastinate when it comes to housework. I just know it isn't going to go away even if I do decide to run away from home.

I got ready to go downtown, tired myself out and never got out the door. My hip was just paining too much, so it looks like an easy, lazy day for me. I may try to do a few of those odds and ends that I haven't taken time for lately.

I bought colouring books and crayons for a change up and something to do different, with the hope of getting back into oils. They are still in the package I brought them home in.

It looks like today will be a day of golf, both British and Canadian. I will take a peek in to see what is happening and watch the finals tomorrow.

So many times, I have to tell myself "Just do it!" That is how I got up, washed, dressed, and ready to get out the door. I had my hands on the handle bars of my walker, reaching for the door and decided, I just wasn't up to it. That is a big concession for me. I do need to go to the library. I do need to go to the market. Yet going there will be more harmful than helpful, I am not procrastinating, I am just not well enough to do it and I need to accept the fact and quit pushing myself.

The sad thing is it took more pain to get to that stage. It started as a twinge and a leg that kept giving out to a leg that hurts from the waist to the tip of my toes in the space of an hour and a half. I generally listen to my body and yet there are times when I totally ignore it and push through the pain and do it by heck or by golly. This is not right. It is going back into old patterns and it is self-abuse and lack of acceptance.

"Every vice has its excuse ready." —Publilius Syrus

"Don't make excuses, make good." —Elbert Hubbard

"An excuse is worse than a lie, for an excuse is a lie, guarded." — Alexander Pope

One of my challenges is that there is just me, and too many clothes and things and I can 'put things off' before I have to give them my full attention.

Procrastination gives me an excuse to run away from home and myself.

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MajestyJo
09-05-2014, 03:06 AM
envy/generosity

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/envy

Saw these on a list and really didn't associate the two together.

I can see being envious of the person who has to give. We can all give, it doesn't have to be money.

We can all make time to give in many different ways. Sometimes it is just an ear to listen or a shoulder to be cried on.

As an Aries, it said, and I found it was true, that we are good starters and good leaders, but not good finishers. I lose interest and I am onto look at the next thing and want to hand things over to someone else, because if I didn't, I would have too many irons in the fire.

I think I have also been told that I have adult attention deficit disorder. ;)

Wanting what someone else has is a waste of time and energy. Be thankful for what the Good Lord has given you.

http://angelwinks.net/images/peanuts/peanuts3.jpg

MajestyJo
09-05-2014, 03:22 AM
jealousy/trust

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jealous

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy

I couldn't see these two together either until I saw the first link, I saw it more as the second one.

My attitude was "Your not woman enough to steel my man and if you are, you can have him." After having a cheating husband, didn't want any more like that so if he would leave me for you, you can have him. Ironically, everyone thought I was after their man, and I wouldn't have taken them in a lucky bag, I wasn't looking, but for some reason, I kept finding them or tripping over them. That is not an ego thing, I had a lot of male friends. They felt comfortable with me because I allowed them to be themselves and I didn't put on a prissy act to get there attention, I was just myself and told things as I saw it. Another reason was that the women didn't travel from group to group, but I did, so I met the men from all the groups and therefor I was well known. It was do or die for me, and I chose to live.

Gossip and jealousy almost drove me out of the rooms. If I didn't trust the program and my God, I would have died. I thought it was ironic, all my life I thought I was ugly. My Native American Co-Sponsor sat me down one day and said, accept it Jo, you are a very beautiful woman, inside and out. I looked at her shocked and didn't believe her. Took me many years to come to believe.

MajestyJo
09-13-2014, 11:14 PM
Aware of others -or- Self-centered

This has been an issue the last few weeks, probably because I have been so upset about what is going on with my landlord, my son, and a lot of my health issues. A lot of what I call compounded interest, I would work away at the surface, but never seemed to get to the bottom of things or get an answer or the results I needed to resolve things.

Here is a post I made in 2011:

Looked at this earlier but ran out of time. I was thinking of it on the way home. I try to be aware of the people around me and it always amazes me how people seem to just rush around, turn a blind eye to everything and everyone around them.

Pushing my walker to the bus stop, I had to stop and let several people go by me, had to go around a couple of obstacles. A woman sat in the handicapped section when I got on the bus, she didn't have a walker just a shopping cart. I asked if she could move it to let me buy but she couldn't so I lifted it up for her. I didn't ask her to move because she was elderly, much older than I am.

I watched a woman take two kids across the street on a Don't Walk and thought, is that what you are teaching them to do, what are they going to do when you aren't with them?

Even in my addiction, I had manners although on certain occasions they went out the window because I didn't care. In today I care and every time I see someone uptown, especially someone who I have seen in the rooms, begging, panhandling and drunk on the street, I thank them for carrying the message to me.

If they are using, I am the last person in the world they want to see. I don't acknowledge them, unless they say hello to me first.

In today, it is about the newcomer and carrying the message of recovery. I know my first sponsor had what I wanted. I looked at her and she oozed peace and serenity. I didn't think I would ever get there. I phoned my NA sponsor and spiritual adviser because I told him my day was 'off' and I didn't know what was wrong. I proceeded to share my day and he finally said, "Do you think it is possible that you just might have found some serenity?" I was floored. I know it in today and cherish it.

continued...

MajestyJo
09-13-2014, 11:21 PM
When I am in pain, I can be on both sides of this chip. For the most part though, when in pain, I know it is best to get out of self and help others. It is a good thing that I now post on six sites besides this one, as I have been in a lot of pain lately.

When I was using, it was about me with little thought of others. In today, I am much more aware and not only care, try to follow things up with action. There is feeling behind the thought.

When I haven't heard from my sister, I pick up the phone. For me, it is not good to go without contact with family for long periods of time. Unfortunately, for the most part, my family doesn't always feel the same way. Generally there is a want or a need to vent behind the call.

I try to be there for others although last night, even though I set a boundary, it was ignored and I had to reinforce it at 3 a.m. this morning. I later felt bad, because I had to end a conversation, but the heat was getting to me and my apartment was like a sauna. If they had wanted to talk recovery, I would have made more of an effort to talk.

More from 2011

The nice thing is that people give in different ways. We all have our niche, a place we can identify with, while at other places we would be totally lost. We give the way we can.

Today was a good example. In the elevator today, on my way home from downtown, I spoke to a lady who lives in my building. She had been waiting for the bus with me, and got off the bus a stop before I did. We ended going up in the elevator together. She never spoke or acknowledged me, often in the past, she wouldn't respond even if I said hello. She always seems to have this sour, grumpy look on her face, and I feel bad and sad for her. She didn't smile but she did respond when I talked to her.

How awful to go through life and be unaware of the people around you. Even worse, not caring about them and shutting yourself off from them. I had those walls up for far too many years. I know it gives me a lift when someone says hello when they pass me on the street.

For me, recovery belongs inside and outside of the meeting rooms and needs to be practiced in my home, at work, and in the community.

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MajestyJo
09-17-2014, 11:42 PM
Acceptance/Anger

“Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement
of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're
going to do about it.” - - Kathleen Casey Theisen

Acceptance is the key. Anger is danger. Just have to accept what is.

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As the saying goes, I don't have to like it to accept it. Most times I don't although, I know once I find it, I can move forward.

Have to accept that I wouldn't have to edit so much if I quit and post later when I am feeling better. ;)

MajestyJo
09-17-2014, 11:51 PM
Acceptance/Perfectionism

Perfectionism – Expecting or demanding too much from ourselves or others. Treating things that aren’t perfect as not good enough. Not recognizing a good try or progress.

- Realistic Recovery

Not sure if these are the correct opposites. To my way of thinking, at least this morning, if I am accepting, than it doesn't matter if it is perfect or not. It is about accepting my best efforts for what they are rather than what I feel they should be.

That old tape can still play, "If you can't do it right, don't do it at all." It often caused me to give up and not even try, let alone trying and not meeting my expectations.

Perfectionism is part of my disease. It does not belong in my recovery.

As a rule, I look at acceptance/expectations. Not sure what is the opposite of perfectionism, just went with what came to mind. What was on my mind was the desire to do things right. Yet when it comes to some things, I just can't be bothered and don't seem to have the energy and I don't care. What I need is a happy balance.

The Big Book says to lower our expectations to make them attainable. I always expected to much of myself and I projected them onto other people, who I realized were not capable of meeting them. I had to accept that fact and accept that it was an abusive act on my part.

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MajestyJo
10-16-2014, 07:20 PM
As years have gone by, I have gotten more perceptive. I have gotten to know more about where people have come from by going to meeting and hearing people share in the rooms of recovery. I no longer have a narrow outlook and realize that there is a lot of things out there that I have no awareness of, no inkling of, and although a drug is a drug, I can't identify with a lot of the feelings and a lot of the fear of what it took to get that drug and the life style around the using of it.

I know the feelings of why people use, and often the background of why people picked up in the first place, but the world has changed, but people are people, and don't be blaming God for your actions. God doesn't go away, we do. Some people have found ways to found ways to run faster than others.

We can judge and we can say, "Well I didn't do that!" The reality is, a drug is a drug!" Alcohol is a drug. They may make that stuff, what every they choose to call it, but what every way you look at it, it is a drug!

If that is being judgmental, I guess I am judgmental! I use to think the wrath of God was going to come down and strike me dead! I am so glad I found a loving God in the rooms of recovery.

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MajestyJo
10-17-2014, 11:18 AM
The other night I was talking to my friend about the dark circle under my eyes and wanting to know how to remove them. I always blamed them on having to wear glasses since I was 14 years old. I hated them, and I realized a lot of it was associated with anger.

She said, "She said tenatively, "I get that it has a lot to do with vanity." I replied, "Of course it is!" what else would it be? LOL!

Even in my old age, in can creep in, that old vanity and pride, wanting to look good and fearing what others will say or think when they see me.

I spent most of my life growing up looking for validation and affirmation, and yet there was a part of me that wanted strokes and praise for what I thought were my good points, like my dark brown talking eyes and great legs! ;) Then sum of the parts never seemed to make up a complete package that I was happy with, or I was too pleased with myself (which didn't happen too often), unless I got a lot of that attention to validate something, I could seldom find within myself.

As they say pride goeth before a fall. Sometimes it was the little things, like the zit at the end of your nose when things just had to be just so! It seems like the whole world was out to get you. It was the end of the world.

Colouring my hair auburn, going into the pool at the YWCA, going to school and having a girl telling me she really liked the shade of my hair, and she sounded sarky and me thinking "b*tch!" Only later to run into her and having her say, "Did I tell you I really like that shale of plum, and going into the bathroom, to find my hair was coloured plum. The chlorine had changed the colour of my hair. My sister tried to change the colour and it came out wine. I didn't have the attitude back then to carry it off, I felt very insecure, shame, introverted, yet wanted to put on a mask and play the aggressor and put on the bravado and not let on how hurt I was.

The games we play. The games we can still play. The roles we play. The roles and masks we can still play, if we don't apply the program, take an inventory, find our true selves, and allow ourselves the freedom of recovery. It is okay to be me.

Every once in a while, I keep thinking of going back to being that blonde. I have a box still stored away. It was done at the suggestion of my son, and I think it would be nice for a change. I did it at first because my hair was about 4 different shades. When I was smoking, the nicotine made my hair an ugly colour and there was a lot of self-justification. When I first done it, it made me feel beautiful, and that was good. In today, that isn't necessary, I feel more beautiful with my white hair, that is as long as I am not having a bad hair day! :grin:

Oh what a tangled web we can weave when we practice to deceive, especially ourselves.

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MajestyJo
10-27-2014, 04:03 AM
The thought of losing my sense of humour is scary, it was pretty sick for a long time and some days, it can still use a little healing. I think I inherited it from my dad, his was very, very dry.

My son told me one day, `Mom I wish I inherited your sense of humour instead of Dad`s, which can be close to being non existent.``

How sad to go through life and not see the funny side of it. For so many years, if I hadn`t been able to laugh, I would have cried my life away. The greatest lesson though was learning to laugh at myself. Not make fun of myself, but laugh at my own antics. Not put myself down, but just accept myself for who I am in today.

My humour was very sarcastic and often not very nice, in other words, down right hurtful when I was using, often directed at others, but most often directed at myself, more often than not at my ex-husband. My tongue was a weapon and in today, I try to use that tongue as a tool to help heal and put people back together again instead of tearing strips off them, tearing them apart and forgetting to put them back together again. That alone, is an amend I will never be able to pay in full.

It took a lot of prayer asking for forgiveness and it took a long time to find the willingness to forgive myself, for hurting others and to find a willingness to even ask for forgiveness for myself.

So many times things are not a laughing matter, but we flub them off as they were. So many people, the jesters are the ones that are the ones that are hurting the most. Worked with a girl like that and dated a guy like that, he was the life of the party. Laughter can cover up a multitude of sins or it can heal and take them away.

MajestyJo
11-21-2014, 12:26 AM
Have been very lax in keeping up in this section, yet my defects of character have been very much 'glaringly apparent.' Maybe it is because I have tried to bite off more than I can chew, but I was sharing with a friend today as to how grateful I am for this site, and how if it wasn't for this site and sites like this over the years, I don't think I would be alive let alone clean and sober in today.

My reasons for coming and posting are still for the same reasons, Traditions Three and Five.

With winter coming on, I tend to be even more isolated. I needed to have a place share with other alcoholics and addicts. They say, I can't keep my sobriety unless I share it. I hope you will continue to allow me to share my recovery with you.

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MajestyJo
11-30-2014, 06:25 AM
Willing to admit faults/Self-righteous

Well I have lots of them, and I have often shared them. Personally, I think there is nothing worse than a self-righteous sinner. I get taken as one, because of my allergy to smoke, all kinds of smoke, not just cigarette smoke.

Most times for me, it is "Been there done it, wore the t-shirt." Just for today, I choose not to go there in today."

I do have freedom of choice. I have had three sponsors (Al-Anon, services, and AA) say they have never met anyone who has done as much work on themselves as I have. Using was never an option for me, as seeing as I had several issues: alcohol, prescription pills, food, relationships, work, computer, sex, etc. to deal with over the years, it has brought a lot of enlightenment and awareness.

As I said to the guy at the Holistic Center last week, I don't know if I just have a problem with letting go or I am just FULL OF SH*T!

It ended up to be a wonderful spiritual healing session. I just prayed and ask for what I needed and asked that any barriers and blocks be taken away.

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MajestyJo
12-15-2014, 12:37 AM
TRY/QUIT

I remember in early recovery, how I ofteb felt like I wasn't getting any where. I can remember wanting to get a quick fix and wanting to make everything OK, right now. Not realizing that I didn't get this way over night and realizing I sure won't going to get better over night.

It is a one day at a time program. All I can do is the best I can on each given day. Sometimes I fall short and don't put too much effort into things. Other day, I get tired thinking about what I did.

I might not get out to meetings very often, and my sponsor leaves tomorrow for Georgia, and then onto California and Arizona. I talk recovery each day for 3-5 hours posting on sites on the internet, which is a lot less than what I use to do. With winter coming on, I will not be able to get out as much as I use to.

Every time I mention getting a scooter, my doctor(s) say, "Keep mobile as long as you can. Try to get exercise every day." Since I had the problem with my feet, I do daily exercises, with my bean bath and physiotherapy exercises, and I realized that if I didn't keep going, if I stopped, one day, I might not get going again. Like my body, my mind needs exercise. My spirit needs little gems over the course of the day to stay content and at peace.

Food for the body, mind and spirit. I try to be the best me I can be in today. I will never quit recovery and staying clean and sober, unfortunately, there are days I quit on me.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-mice/0049.gif

MajestyJo
12-15-2014, 01:38 AM
Trust -or- Suspicious

"Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.
Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything
is possible." - - Cherie-Carter Scotts

Have a lot of trust in my Higher Power, although lately, I have been suspicious of some of His choices. Which means, look at yourself and look see where you screwed up.

Over the years I had trouble trusting doctors. My doctor was my supplier for years. I had to switch doctors. I also had to get honest with my doctor, it wasn't always about him.

It is ironic how one doctor can see how in touch with my body that I am while the other one completely ignores me and says, "Pain doesn't matter, it tells you nothing, take a pill."

I do trust my instincts on most days. When I was in so much pain, and as it got worse, I started doubting myself. When that happened, I had to go and spend more time with my God.

On the whole, I am a very trusting person. Probably because I trusted too easy, that I got hurt often. I set myself up, wanting to believe the best in people, instead of looking for the bad, I try to see and find the good.

Once I have been knocked down a time or two, I tend to be a little more suspicious of the person's motives and intent.

I need to trust myself to be patient and tolerant of others. I need to trust myself. If I don't trust myself, I am not trusting my God. If I invite my God into my day and ask Him to direct my day, how can I go wrong? Do I say, "Are You sure about this?" Or perhaps, I should say, "Do you remember the last time I tried this?" He would probably reply, "Yes, but you didn't listen then either!"

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-mice/0093.gif

MajestyJo
12-24-2014, 05:26 PM
Agreeable/Disagreeable

Well I am agreeable, unless you disagree with me. All kidding aside, I think on the whole, I am pretty easy to get along with. As an Aries, I tend to have leadership tendencies, so people often look to me for direction and help, and I had to learn to reach out and ask for help myself.

I have noticed a few people the last few weeks with the most horrible, grumpy, nasty looks and dispositions and I am so glad that I don't have to walk in their shoes. A woman in my building isn't agreeable at the best of times, and she seldom talks to me and the only time I have seen her smile is when she looks at a man. She sits next to my friend Bert when he plays Bingo and I thought of phoning him today and telling him that he has been sitting next to her too long because he is beginning to look and act like her.

I know that is taking his inventory, but it is very sad, but the last few times I have seen him, he has been like a bear with a sore paw. I want to go up to him and say, "Get with the program, but not sure if it is my place to say so." I did phone him the other day when I went up the mountain to see if he wanted to go with me, to get him out but he had been down to the mall to do his round of scratch tickets and I was going to try to get him to get him out of himself. To me it was a intervention, but to someone else, it might have been sticking my nose into what was none of my business.

I am not as disagreeable as I use to be. Today I can agree to disagree. Everyone has a right to their opinion. As they say, everyone has one. I try to take mine to my God and make things right with Him, get honest, and shine the Light on the situation. It isn't always about the now, but looking at the whole, not judging by the past, fear of the future, but looking at the other people concerned, it isn't all about me as much as I would like to think so at times. Just because I want it doesn't make it right, and it doesn't make it wrong either. It is what it is and always subject to change.

What was yesterday is no longer true in today, sad to say. That is why I like the slogan, "Each day is a new beginning."

Thanks for letting me share.

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MajestyJo
12-24-2014, 05:41 PM
"To disagree, one doesn't have to be disagreeable."
- - Barry M. Goldwater

Thoughts shared on another site on this topic:


On the whole, pretty agreeable and easy to get along with. When I am disagreeable it is generally when I am in pain, haven't had much sleep and not eating right. That is why I always tried to apply the Steps to my pain. I had no right to take my pain out on others.

I found today that everything went wrong, little things like dropping my purse, running my grocery cart into a display, missing a bus, and then not being able to get the answer we wanted from housing. It isn't going to be a quick fix, it is a process, so patience is called for.

It is generally the last little thing, added to the other little things, which has become a mountain, that started as a mole hill.

It is great when you can agree to disagree.

Sept. 2011

Agreeable -or- Disagreeable

"If you have learned how to disagree without being
disagreeable, then you have discovered the secrete
of getting along -- whether it be business, family
relations, or life itself." - - Bernard Meltzer



A good one today, although not feeling very disagreeable today.

I read last night, take a time out. Breathe postive in and breathe negative out.

It isn't normal for me to walk away, I use to be in there like a dirty shirt. If chaos wasn't happening, I often caused it to spice life up. Same old was always boring and got tired of the same thing over and over again. Even on my job, I was a file clerk when I started work at 17. I had an inquiring mind. Wanting to know and ended up working in every department in an office. On my last job, my boss called me Office Manager. To me, I was just a Girl Friday, someone who did everything, mainly because he was too cheap to hire someone else and wanted me to do the work of three people.

He use to say, "I hate it when you are right." He looked to find something to prove me wrong. Not sure if it was all me and my attitude or we were just two peas in a pod.

When I went to work for him he had 2 shops. He had 5 when I left because he bounced my pay cheque for the 3rd time. Within 3 years he was bankrupt. When I went to work for him, he said you have to where many hats. Which I found out later to mean, I rob Peter to pay Paul and my creditors are after me. I had to learn to be agreeable to people on the phone who were feeling very disagreeable.

When I come across someone who is disagreeable, I try to find out what their motive and intent are with the hope that we can meet on common ground.

August 2011

MajestyJo
12-24-2014, 05:51 PM
One of the cards I got when I did my meditation today was about listening. The other was in God's time, not mine. The key card was "There's something out of balance in your life, so do whatever you need to do to correct it." I feel like I have two issues, my sleeping and my eating disorder. I just put on my soup and forgot that it was on and it has been bubbling away for about 20 minutes! Who am I to argue with the Universe? I wanted to go out to eat, wanted to order in, and then made the decision to eat what I had on hand.

I was sharing with two different friends yesterday and today about how our expression and body language often speaks volumes. I don't always have to open my mouth to be disagreeable.

If I am accepting of what is, then I have no reason to be disagreeable.

April 2011

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/avatars-100x100-pigs/0039.gif

There was a time in my life, I disagreed just to keep the pot stirred up and often to make my ex-husband miserable! It got to a stage in my marriage, that to agree with him was absolutely unthinkable! I would always cheer for the opposing team just to make life interesting, or so I thought! Nothing like a lively debate.

I am so grateful that this program heals. I am so grateful to have learned that is it okay to disagree and not get hit if I was of a different opinion.

I am so grateful that it is okay to agree to disagree!
I feel we need to be responsible for our own stuff and look at it as what is good for the whole. Having someone else doing my work, isn't being a team player.

I often have to remind myself that not everyone has a program. Some may think they don't qualify, but 12 Steps are a way of life that can help everyone to a better way of living.

February 2011


It took me awhile to grasp the concept of agreeing to disagree. For so many years, my way was the only way. Recovery was learning that there were shades of gray and everything wasn't black or white, either or, there was such a thing as compromise.

I can be very agreeable when things are going my way, when they aren't, I no longer shout or pout, don't stamp my feet and have a hissy fit, can still get resentful and angry, but I have the tools in today to deal with them.

I learned I could be manipulative and a few other not so nice traits that I needed to turn over to my God. The picture isn't always nice or pretty at times when I look into the mirror and so in away, our two posts are much the same in content. I went to one of the new links for mine.

January 2011

MajestyJo
12-24-2014, 06:06 PM
What triggered this thought was the link I posted which said, "Need to be right." That was oh so me, and can still go there in today.

I really don't like being proven wrong about something. I can accept that I make a mistake, I can accept doing something stupid, but to find that my inner knowing, my truth isn't right, really bothers me. What I came to realize was that it was my truth in the moment. It didn't mean it was wrong, just wrong for the present circumstances and often wrong, according to other people's thoughts, perception, and concepts.

Most people don't like being told the truth. They don't want to hear the words that their habits, customs, and tapes are old, outdated, and no longer necessary and are totally redundant. What worked for me for years no longer serves it's purpose.

It is nice in today to be able to agree to disagree.

November 2010

Agreeable: Ready to consent or submit

Disagreeable: Having a quarrelsome, bad-tempered manner


Very much on the negative side of this chip today. Went to take my medication for my tremon disorder in my left hand and found out I had only one left. Went to renew the prescription and found out from the pharmacy that the doctor had changed the dosage, with no discussion with me, although there is a repeat I can't get it until December. This tremon is now more noticeable in my right hand now and need them more than ever, not less. Without them, I have problems keeping food on my fork, holding a plate still so my food doesn't go flying all over the kitchen.

I am not happy with myself because I didn't take the medication this morning before I went out. I could have gone into the pharmacy and ordered it and had them fax my doctor or called the doctor this morning and I could have gotten in. Now I have wait until Monday which means I won't be able to go out anywhere this weekend. I am hoping to be able to hold my cards to play bridge tonight.

Not in a very agreeable mood today, not my usual cheerful self!

November 2009

What a sad "Oh woe is me" story that is. I guess it is old hat now, I have had two new doctor's since then. The new doctor is doing the same thing, ordering me medication to help me without discussing with me what he is ordering and when I go to pick it up, I find it is something that they have tried me on in the past or as an addict, I refuse to take.


This morning, I was disagreeable with myself. No sleep again last night and this morning, so wasn't in the best of moods. Thankfully, no one else was around!

Since coming into recovery, I am more agreeable because I can see where other people are coming from. My mother taught me many years ago, "It is my way or the highway." Thanks to the program, I have an open mind. As they say, "Just because you have an opinion, doesn't mean you have to express it." That was a real challenge for me and one God and I have to work on daily.

MajestyJo
12-24-2014, 06:19 PM
Quotes on Agreeing/Disagreeing from another site:


Today is my volunteer day. I try to be an agreeable hostess. The only time I have to be disagreeable is when people abuse the service and try to download things that are not compatible to the computers or go to porn sites.

Again it is about how you do it and the words you use. I don't center someone out in front of the whole room, I have a private conversation with them.

Last night my partner took me to task on how I play my hands. He prefaced his statement, "I notice that you don't take time to plan out the play and think before you play a card." My response was "I am an intuitive person. If I stop to think, I often out think or over think a situation and do go with my gut feeling and generally end up messing myself up." It isn't that I don't plan or think, it is generally a process and it takes take me a long time to evaluate what is there and sometimes you just have to try to make something happen and how you can play the hand so you lose as few tricks as possible. If you get lucky and a finesse works, you make your contract. If it doesn't, changes are you are out of luck. Sometimes you have a choice, this or that, and choose wrong. Sometimes you can tell by the bidding, but for some reason the person you think has the card, doesn't.

This is so true in life. Sometimes I can out think things, discount myself, don't listen to that inner voice, and end up in a place I don't want to be. The thing is if I stop and ponder, try to 'figure' things out, I am late, I keep other people waiting, and I miss out on a lot because I am caught up in the "intellect" which doesn't work in this program. I can't think my way into good living.

My sponsor said, "Are you still intellectualizing? Stop it! It doesn't work. Don't question how the program works, just do it!"

If we all thought the same way and didn't disagree what a boring place this would be. I have been known to disagree just to see the outcome. Especially with my ex-husband, it was just a matter of principle. He just wouldn't be right!

As I said, "He had a drinking problem. I had the thinking problem."

In today I can concede, often it is only a point or two. Compromise is a good thing, communication is even a bigger one, and compassion is a true gift. Especially when you can apply it to yourself.

I can often see their side and know where they are coming from, but that doesn't mean I expect them to agree with me. It often helps to know where a person is coming from and the experience they have gone through to reach their decision. I have often found that we come from two different places and often we react or reacted differently. Some internalize, some hit out, some confront, that old passive/aggressive thing, we all handle life differently. I took a class on being assertive in the mid '80s.
May 2009


Although some may think otherwise, I am generally on the agreeable side of this chip. I am pretty easy going and unless I think that my sobriety or that of other's is threatened, I tend to go with the flow. The 12 Traditions helped me to live a more peaceful and agreeable life and showed me the way to live with others.

My friend is visiting from out of town and I am open to anything she wants to do. There are limitations due to my health, and yet if possible, I will try to comply with what she wants. She has been away fro a long time so we are going to her favorite restaurant 'The Black Forest' and I admit, I like it too. We both went for Chinese food on our birthdays, she is an Aires too, so we decided to pass on that.

She wants to go to a NA meeting. The meeting she chose would not have been my choice, but it is her visit and I am open to doing what she wants. I have a meeting from 4-5 p.m. for the volunteers of CAP, and she is willing to wait to go out for dinner until after it is over, although I was willing to forgo the meeting if she wanted to go shopping. I told them that I might not be available for the meeting because her visit is a priority to me.

She is disappointed that the market is closed for renovations, this was a big love for both of us and we often shopped there together. We have a mall we liked to visit too but in today, we both have to conserve our energy and accept our limitations. If she had arrived tomorrow and hadn't made plans with someone else for that day, I wouldn't have been able to see her because of my own commitments.

She was the one who taught me it was okay to agree to disagree. If I hadn't learned that through this program and my sponsor, our friendship would never have survived.

April 2009

There has been a lot of growth in this area for me. I would argue, just for arguments sake. Had to have the last word. My way was the right way. Certainly couldn't let my husband think he was right, heaven forbid! Would choose a team opposite from my husband just to keep the argument going. He cheered for Toronto Argonauts. I cheered for Hamilton Tiger Cats. He would cheer for Calgary Stampeders and I would cheer for Saskatchewan Rough Riders because I liked their green uniforms.


I think I am agreeable on the whole. It takes a lot for me to get really angry and when I do at least I can express it in a healthy way. I can walk away or be confrontational. Last night at bridge one of the ladies who moved to our table asked my partner if he was frazzled or upset. Her partner said, "Not with his partner, she is too easy going." I have been called Ms. Serenity, but that is on the outside, it isn't always that way inside.

January 2009

Most times, I agree to disagree. It is easier that way. Don't do pout, have always had problems keeping my mouth shut to do the silent treatment, so I either walk away or say what is on my mind. Thankfully the mind doesn't think like it use to and I have learned to hesitate and meditate on occasion. Not always when I should, and sometimes I speak and then realize it was better left unsaid.

January 2009

MajestyJo
12-30-2014, 04:46 AM
Victorious -or- Victim


"There are no victims, only volunteers - you always have a choice."
- - unknown


Well I know that I am victorious over my disease, through working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, one day at a time. I was often a victim of other people's choices.

I am not always victorious over my defects of character, those I try to leave up to my Higher Power to change, to give me awareness, and knowing as to what I need to do find the acceptance, the right attitude, and action to bring it about.

Not a victim very often, although there are times that I feel as though I am being victimized. That was the story of my life and have no desire to go back there. I choose not to play those roles in today.

https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=HN.608022581881540063&pid=15.1&P=0

MajestyJo
03-11-2015, 10:43 PM
Agreeable -or- Disagreeable

"When you run into someone who is disagreeable to others,
you may be sure he is uncomfortable with himself; the amount
of pain we inflict upon others is directly proportional to the
amount we feel within us." - - Sydney J Harris

So grateful when we can agree to disagree. So often, we come from a different place or have ACdifferent experiences or don't see the whole picture or not willing to do so, or incapable of doing so. That is okay, this is where we are at in the moment.

I remember being at a meeting at 2 years sober having a person disagree with my share. I asked my sponsor, "How can he disagree with me, it was my experience, strength, and hope. He didn't live it and experience it. It was me sharing it." She said, "It is okay dear, that is where you are at in the moment." I later realized that he recognized something that I didn't see, and yet I don't think it was his job to call me on it, but that is okay in today. ;) It was how he perceived my experience and how he perceived the lesson I should have learned.

For one thing, he was a man and I was a woman. I don't know how long he had in recovery, and that too can make a difference. It also makes a difference as to how you have worked on yourself and applied the program to your own personal life and worked on your own issues and allowed yourself to heal. I had a friend who focused on helping on other and did service and did very little work on her own personal issues and as a result, she stayed paranoid, very angry and aggressive.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-mice/0153.gif

MajestyJo
03-14-2015, 11:51 PM
When I had my dart team, it was important to support them and praise them for a job done. We went to Provincial Darts for the Legion and we ended up playing against a team from our own branch made up of the president, the past president, the vice-president, and secretary. We were winning, and they started making fun of me, encouraging my players and we were a mixed lot, one girl had never left the village, and very much out of her league. Another woman was short and weighed about 250 lbs. and another woman could beat us all with a hand tied behind her back, and myself, who could beat each of the other members of the other team on a regular basis. We froze on X1 and ended up losing the game. The young girl said, "We will never live it down if we lose to them." We allowed them to intimidate us. We were down to double out range before they doubled in, and in the long run, we deserved to lose, because we froze and allowed our fear to paralyze us, and we took their criticism and everything they said personally.

Yet these same people, were supposedly our friends. The president wanted me to join the Women's Auxiliary until she found out I wasn't a people pleaser and a follower. I was a helper and willing to work, but not to to her honour and glory if it was detrimental to others and not for the good of the Legion. This was before I got clean and sober. I didn't want her job. I wasn't in competition for job. That is not who I am, it is about trying to do the best job I can do. I am not trying to outdo anyone.

I use to laugh, when I split up with my ex-husband, everyone though I was looking for a man. I wouldn't have taken their husbands in a lucky bag. They didn't know their husbands had propositioned me and I had turned them down. When I left town, I left with no friends, judged and I hadn't done anything but be me. I had even made the decision to quit drinking. I didn't know about AA, but it was the first thought that alcohol was part of the problem.

It seemed like I always had to justify my existence and it wasn't okay to be me. Those old tapes can be killers. I try always try to give credit where credit is due. If I see where something can be improved on, or whether I have found something that has helped me, I like to share it, with the hope that it will help others. That doesn't mean, someone else has to do it. It doesn't mean my word is gospel. What it means that I am old and have been around the block a few times and have learned by trial and error, fell on my face a time or two, and landed on my feet to live and try again.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-cats/0222.gif

honeydumplin
03-15-2015, 12:05 PM
Yesterday after a meeting in which I felt I may have overshared,
fell on the sword, or was quite hard on myself in what I had shared,
I couldn't help but hurt a little inside, and sense a certain vulnerability
for having revealed what was going on. It reminded me of earlier times
in recovery, when such revelations during 12 step meetings, would
shake the core of my being, and also allow a growth in sobriety to occurr.

A few years of recovery has not permitted me the luxury of basking in
the glow of a pedestal, while second-guessing what my peers think of
something stupid that I may have said in a meeting. If that is ever an option,
then I will have taken the chance to experience life beyond my fondest
dreams, and exchanged it for the small bit of uncomfortable satisfaction
I get while sitting silent, in a room full of recovering alcoholics I barely
even know.

Then I would know true pity of a destination, and find it wanting,
in spite of whatever journey I'd convinced myself to be part of.
I believe that our strength of unity comes from a common weakness
of seeking a power greater than ourselves, not in a spew of endless
solutions of how we overcame adversity, in spite of our quest for the
fourth dimension.

I applaud the your humanity, awareness, and depiction of this
dart team that you were on. Stuff like this helps drunks like me.

MajestyJo
03-19-2015, 09:32 PM
Thank you for your kind words. Many times I have found words coming out of my mouth when I have shared my story and thought, now why did I say that, I vowed never to tell a soul, never mind a room full of people. Yet every time I get up to speak, I say the Serenity Prayer, say the Third and Seventh Step Prayers to get out of the way so my Higher Power can speak through me, instead of me getting up there saying what I think I should say and what I think I should say for your Higher Good.

Many times I have had women say, "I thought I was the only one that had felt like that or had that happen to them." Men and women coming up and sharing that they identified with what I shared. I say, "Tell me what I said, so we both know, because I am a channel and once the words are said, they are gone." Many times I think of what I didn't say instead of what I did say, which is ego, knowing what was said was meant to be said and God given and when I start to hum and haw when I am speaking, it is time to shut up, because God is finished, and anything after that is me and coming from the top of my head.

Even when I am typing a post, I have to reread what I wrote and then there are times I don't reread, and then there are times I should! :)

We can get on a pedestal and be a bleeding deacon at times. Sometimes we like an audience, especially if there is no one else talking and you feel like you have to fill up the silence.

What I like is the fact that the story never grows old. It is just the same today as it did 20 years ago when I came in, 70 years ago when it originated, or yesterday.

I have also been put on that pedestal over the years and it is a long way down when you fall off. It is also very sad and lonely, when you find yourself there be it up or down, so try not to allow it to happen. I am not deserving of a pedestal, but I do deserve a boost once in a while. I don't need a boot, but I do need a hand up or a hand down, when I get a step too high or step down too low.

MajestyJo
03-23-2015, 01:56 AM
Loyal/Disloyal

Loyal to a friend, a subject, a vow, a conduct, a country, a cause, etc.

Have always tried to be loyal, haven't always been able to be there for others over the years physically due to health issues, yet try to be there when I can.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-dogs-german/0011.gif

Jamie Sams in her Animal Medicine book uses the Dog as the Spiritual Totem:

Be loyal to yourself
Be true to others
Bolster your integrity.

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/dog-meaning-and-symbolism.html

MajestyJo
01-02-2016, 07:33 PM
Hope all goes well for you. I have no self-control unless I turn things over to my Higher Power and let go and let God. I remember you saying years ago on a post that you often leave scratch marks when you try to let go. That stuck with me and helped me, so I thank you.

Anger is only a danger if I deny it, don't express it, and deal with it in a healthy way. It is something that has been deeply ingrained in me, and it has been hard to let go of. My body memories were really bad, and I just couldn't deal with things on the surface, I had to dig deeper to the root. So often, things were as result of past issues that were triggered or they had strings attached to memories long forgotten.

Journaling is a good way to deal with feelings.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-mice-2/0006.gif

MajestyJo
01-03-2016, 10:56 PM
Just for today, I will try to remember it is one day at a time and not project into the future. It is so important to stay grounded and live in today and not worry, stress and project into tomorrow. I need to celebrate today and remember to be grateful. It is just for today, this days issues, challenges, feelings, etc and this too shall pass.

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MajestyJo
02-11-2016, 05:51 PM
Willingness/Stubborn

So often I have to pray for the willingness to be willing. Right from the first, I was willing to do what ever it took to stay clean and sober. For me to use is to die. As I said to my friend today, "Twice today I felt like a cigarette." For me to pick up a cigarette would put a nail in my coffin for sure, faster than a drink would. I know it is emotions that bring on the feeling. It was really busy and there were a lot of people in the mall. The noise was a high buzz and far above the level that is comfortable for me. Fibromyalgia makes you sensitive to noise and my Fibro has been working overtime lately. I always stubbornly refuse to give into the feeling, I know to pick up is to die. As they say, "Just because you have a feeling, you don't have to act on it."

http://www.graphicsfactory.com/clip-art/image_files/tn_image/7/648147-tn_snowman008_c.jpg

MajestyJo
02-12-2016, 08:08 AM
God-centered/I centered

ISM - I, Self, and Me!

ISMs will get us every time, if we don't deal with them. That means I am Self-centered and not God-centered. When I start thinking "I" can, and I hear too many "I"s in my speech, I know that I am not giving my God the credit.

As you say, a nod in the morning, a prayer at night, and generally a few "Helps" through out the day, along with a few "Thank You, Thank You, Thank You"s.

For me the ISM leads to the alcohol and drug (which can take many forms), it is my stinking thinking that endangers my recovery. As they say, "We can slip mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, before we physically pick up.

It isn't about picking up a cigarette (which would kill me faster than the alcohol), alcohol, food, a pill, or what ever my drug of choice is in the moment, it is my thinking that tells me I NEED it. I must always remember, my God meets all of my needs and He will take that thinking away if I ask Him for help. As they say, "Be careful of what you ask for, you just might get it." What we put out, we get back and I have found that some days, I have to duck.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/iq/qcangel472.jpg

MajestyJo
02-28-2016, 03:31 AM
The moment we say, "No, never!" our minds close against the grace of God.

Delay is dangerous, and rebellion may be fatal. This is the exact point at which we abandon limited objectives, and move toward God's will for us.

AA 12 Steps & Traditions


My thought reading this is that it is a spiritual program, and that one of the principles is willingness. All I am asked to do is try. The failure comes in the not trying, rather than trying and not getting it right or living up to my expectations. Aiming perfection is a good attitude to take but trying to make it perfect doesn't allow for my humanness. I may do it perfect one time, but the next time, I may not be able to living up to my previous performance. That was a good reason for this addict to beat myself up or to see myself as a failure and not trying again. It is about picking myself up and trying to the best of my ability in today.

It says that a spiritual experience is a change in attitude which allows me to change and bring about recovery.

This is part of the study I did on the steps and shared on the site a few years ago. So much about my life, is about changing my attitude. When things seem out of whack, I need to remember the slogan, "Let it begin with me!" It isn't about other people, it is about me and my recovery.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/iq/qcbunny388.jpg

MajestyJo
04-11-2016, 07:57 PM
Just for today, I will tell myself that I am worthy of recovery. It doesn't matter that I am old. I don't look bad for an old broad. I lost weight, but more importantly, I lost inches. I saw a lady on the bus who made me grateful. Even on my fat days, I wasn't as big as her, and yet, it is important to identify not compare. I still have an issue that I need to apply the program to, one day at a time.

MajestyJo
04-12-2016, 08:08 AM
Just for today, I will appreciate the gifts of recovery. One of the greatest gifts for me was the freedom from active addiction. They are too numerous to mention and as it says in the Big Book, we will be amazed before we are half way through working the Steps. The Promises gave me hope even though I was in complete denial. I just didn't want to go back to where I came from, and alcohol was a part of that life style. Tradition Three gave me the right to attend meetings, I did have an honest desire not to drink, even though I didn't think I was an alcoholic. I realized that I used other things like work, food, pills, relationships, and men, and more men.... Looking for attention, acceptance, and love in all the wrong places, and the program gave me the freedom to be me and to change, one step at a time.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/gmpod/gmpod51.jpg

MajestyJo
04-14-2016, 12:06 AM
Just for today, I am grateful that I can start my day over any time. I can pause, give thanks, ask for direction, and start my day anew with a better outlook on the day. Some days I jump up and don't do meditation right away, especially if I have to run out for an appointment and I don't get much sleep the night before. I often find myself standing at the elevator door and saying the Serenity Prayer. When I get home, I generally end up going to bed, and when I wake up, and do a much bigger talk with my God.

My day started 5 hours ago.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/iq/qcteddybears334.jpg

MajestyJo
04-15-2016, 11:21 AM
Just for today, I will be responsible. I will do what I need to do for myself. Just because I don't 'feel' like it, doesn't always work. I know I shouldn't be hard on myself, but I shouldn't spoil myself rotten either. There are gray areas, but I need to look at whether they came from the dark, or whether they came from the white side, and what do I need to do to bring them to the light. As it says in AA literature, "Bring it out of the dark so the light of reason can shine.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/faithpod/faithpod61.jpg

MajestyJo
04-17-2016, 04:23 AM
Just for today, I will pray and ask for my personal truth and what I need for me. What is good for someone else, just may not work for me. I know that in early recovery, many people were not willing to do what I did to stay sober. I went to meetings, meetings, meetings and when I got tired of meetings I went to more meetings. That is why I miss getting out in today. I am glad that I have all those deposits made on my life insurance so that I can draw on them in today. I have reaped a lot of dividends as a result of the people my God put in my path.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/thoughtpod/thoughtpod1160.jpg

MajestyJo
05-11-2016, 04:55 PM
Rejection

I had a lot of rejection in my life, but the sadest part was the fact that I rejected myself and lived mylife through others. I had all these built up emotions, and when I quit smoking at 7 years sober, I had a whole set of feelings that I hadn't felt before because the cigarettes, helped to stuff them. I found anger, resentment, rejection, sadness, hurt, abandonment, and a whole list of things that I had to do another 4th Step on. As they say, you have to feel them before you can let them go. I had to give myself permission to hurt and become vulnerable. Because of the abuse in my life, I had a lot of issues to deal with. As I have stated on the board, I was 15 years sober when I went to sexual assault counselling. We deal with things when we are able. I had shut down at an early age and you can't change or heal anything, if you don't acknowledge that it is there.

MajestyJo
06-12-2016, 09:44 AM
Trust/Suspicious

Try to trust the process, unfortunately others don't always seem to be on my timetable. I know what you mean. I tried turning my thinking, especially my impatience over to my Higher Power. I am lucky though, I have my walker and can sit in line instead of having to stand. The other day I brought my book, but just sat and enjoyed the sunshine while waiting for the bus. I had just missed one and knew that I had 20 minutes to wait. I tried to remember to put some gratitude in my attitude, it was rush hour or I would have had to wait 30 minutes. :)

It isn't all about me, whether I am sick or in a hurry. The world goes around without me and I just try to keep up and do what I can to play my part. I just wish that everyone thought the way I did, but it isn't going to happen. If everyone would just try to make their space the best that it can be in today, what a wonderful world this would be.

http://www.filegenie.net/animated_gifs/pigs/11765.gif

MajestyJo
06-13-2016, 05:30 PM
Just for today, I am grateful. When you think you have things tough, you see someone who is much worse off than you. My sister looked terrible. They are still trying to find some balance and get her body regulated and her medication stabalized.

I can walk around and watch TV. She is tied to the bed, with oxygen and many tubes attached to her. I must remember that I never had it so good. I am walking, breathing, and able to talk, all of which she is unable to do in the moment.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/iq/qcdog494.jpg

MajestyJo
06-14-2016, 07:13 PM
Just for today, I will welcome and embrace change. As the slogan says, "This too shall pass." For me, that means the good times and the not so good times. Just as music and fashion changes, we too change over the years. We develop new outlooks and have new awareness and growth within ourselves.

http://syalalagiio.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/welcome_animation-ok.gif

MajestyJo
06-16-2016, 06:36 PM
Humor/Humorless

A world without out humor is very sick indeed. I had to pray and ask for mine to be healed when I came into recovery because it had become very sarky.

It was a great gift to be able to laugh at myself. I find humor in a lot of things, while others don't always see things my way.

Sometimes laughter can be a great mask. I dated a guy for a while who was Mr. Smiley and the laughter was canned and he was a hurting unit.

I agree, better to laugh than cry. It took me a long time to allow myself to cry. I had to give myself permission to do so as my first husband told me that I used my tears as a women. He threatened me, so I quit crying. That was 50 years ago, and it took a long time in recovery to allow them to flow freely. There have been times when I have done healing meditations and the tears have just run down my face. Not sure the cause at the time, just a healing taking place from past hurts. Things that I never grieved or things that I didn't allow myself to heal, or things I was incapable of letting go of the pain.

http://www.gifss.es/animales/elefantes/Elefante-12.gif

MajestyJo
06-18-2016, 08:31 PM
Today, I was a bit defensive, I walked home because my walker was too heavy to list on the bus. Some drivers don't want to put down the small front ramp and have been told I shouldn't put so much on my walker if I can't lift it. When you buy meat, two containers of juice, butter, etc. it all adds up to heavy. I had 5 bags tied to my walker with a bungee cord. It was quite hot out, 29 deg. C, which is 85 deg. F and it is heavy drudging when it is uphill. I was coming through Hess Village and a lady said, "Would you like to stop and rest in our shade. I said, "No thank you." I didn't tell her it was too noisey because people were started to celebrate their weekend and with Fibromyalgia, I am very sensitive to noise, especially when I am tired. Happy now I can relax now that I am home.

http://img.hi5messages.com/en/have-a-nice-day/82.gif

MajestyJo
06-23-2016, 06:37 PM
ORGANIZED/DISORGANIZED

Glad some people are organized, it isn't something I do well. I am more a fly by the seat of my pants kind of person. God with the flow, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, so be it! I was told many years ago, if it is meant to be, it WILL happen, inspite of me. That doesn't mean I don't have to set my alarm clock, I do, unfortunately, it is only when I remember to. I didn't set the alarm to go to Al-Anon yesterday, but woke in time to go. I set the alarm to go to AA today, because with no sleep, I knew I wouldn't wake up in time to get there as it is in the opposite end of the city from me.

Smiling, seldom figure out what I am wearing the night before as I am sure to change my mind. Nine times out of ten, I will have a fat day and couldn't possibly be seen wearing something that reveals too many place better left covered up.

Don't know where that all came from today. A guy at my group said, "Gee, I wonder where I should sit. We sit in an oval row around the room. I said, "How about your arse?" He said, "Boy you are in great form today." I surprised myself, him too most likely, although I have known the guy for years, but never really talked to him too much, certainly not on that familiar kind of way.

https://cache.lovethispic.com/uploaded_images/thumbs/204905-Have-A-Great-Thursday-Friend-.jpg

MajestyJo
08-20-2016, 12:44 AM
Anger/Self-control

Don't like the word Self Control, control is an illusion. When I think I am able to do by myself, I am in trouble, and it easy for my disease to come to the surface and my emotions to get out of control.

I can't, my God can, and just for today, I choose to turn them over to Him and ask for help. I need to pick up the tools of recovery, talk to my sponsor, a spiritual adviser, a good close friend that I trust. Any time I put Self into the equation, I am generally acting out in my dis-ease.

Anger is a danger if I don't 'deal' with it in a healthy way. It is a legitimate feeling, just a danger to my sobriety if I feed it instead of acknowledging it, which diffuses it and takes away it's power.

I think it should have read "Anger/Serenity."

Emotions make themselves known physically, and I need to remember that anger is one of the biggest threats to my emotional sobriety. I was told that sobriety meant "Soundness of Mind." I don't have that when I am angry.


http://angelwinks.ca/iq/qckitten519.jpg

MajestyJo
08-20-2016, 06:56 PM
Self-Importance/Humility

Love this chip and the previous shares. I like out you write G-d graced. It reminds me that my God can be all things, and He is as He reveals Himself to me in today.

Prior to recovery, it was "I am a leading authority on anything, just ask me." Heaven forbid that I didn't know, and I would go all out to find an answer. As the song say, "Oh Lord it is hard to be humble when you are perfect in every way." What an illusion!!!

In recovery, I learned the humility didn't mean humiliation. Humility, to become teachable and admitting that I didn't know it all and open to other people's experience, strength, and hope.

When things come up, especially stuff that goes back to my past, it is important to work Steps 4-9 to deal with my part. Humbly ask Him to remove my shortcomings. Looking to find a way to change the things that stands between me and who my God would have me be. Just putting a plug in the jug or popping a pill, isn't sobriety. It was important not to continue acting out in my disease.

We can do what I can't do for myself. My way didn't work.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/nostalgicpod/nostalgicpod65.jpg

MajestyJo
08-27-2016, 04:15 AM
Agreeable/Disagreeable

“If you have learned how to disagree without being disagreeable,
then you have discovered the secrete of getting along -- whether it
be business, family relations, or life itself.” - - Bernard Meltzer

One of the cards I got when I did my meditation today was about listening. The other was in God's time, not mine. The key card was "There's something out of balance in your life, so do whatever you need to do to correct it." I feel like I have two issues, my sleeping and my eating disorder. I just put on my soup and forgot that it was on and it has been bubbling away for about 20 minutes! Who am I to argue with the Universe? I wanted to go out to eat, wanted to order in, and then made the decision to eat what I had on hand.

I was sharing with two different friends yesterday and today about how our expression and body language often speaks volumns. I don't always have to open my mouth to be disagreeable.

If I am accepting of what is, then I have no reason to be disagreeable.


This is something I posted on another site in 2011.

Really like the last line, don't remember being that smart. It looks like I need to work on that. It is one thing to say, "Agree to disagree," but so often our body language does give us away.

For me, recovery meant learning that there were shades of gray between that black/white syndrome of either/or with no compromise.

Like this little guy, he is saying the words, but looks like he is fearful and hiding from what is confronting him.

http://www.lovethispic.com/uploaded_images/193041-Hi-Hope-You-Have-A-Great-Day-.gif

MajestyJo
08-28-2016, 08:08 PM
Sunday Chip---Optimistic/Pessimistic


The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
~Winston Churchill~

I tend to be a bit of both. For myself optimistic for others, I tend to swing the other way.

As the saying goes, the worst day in recovery far exceeds the best day out there when I was practicing.

I do admit to thinking the worst last night. Just when I think I've got it, more is revealed and it is back to the drawing board. Another way of showing that 'control' is an illusion. Those control issues can come along and bite you on the fanny! It corrodes the soul and I am back into my way is the only way. I have to let him be who he is and make his own choices. I know that but not easy to put into practice.

wrote this on another site in 2009

In today, I think I mostly lean toward the latter. I try to look for the positive and if I can't find it, I meditate on it, because for me, everything isn't all negative or all positive. It is about balance, and without the little bit of positive, there is no hope.

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/0e/15/77/0e1577f3295d1f3d67c51a760845cdd9.jpg

MajestyJo
11-02-2016, 07:40 PM
Stubborn/Willing

For me in today, "Stubborn is like sticking my tongue out at my God and saying, "I like my way better than yours." It is really childish and yet, a guy who lives on my floor was coming into the building the other day, and a woman who is an after hour maintenance person, stuck her tongue out at him. She blamed him for slamming his door and she wrote up a notice and put it on his door. At the time of the noise, he wasn't even home and she has had it in for him ever since. I wouldn't have been surprised if it was my door she heard. He lives a long way from her and as far as I can tell, she couldn't have heard him if she tried, unless she had her door open.

In today, I am willing to be willing to allow others their space. I have to realize that a lot of people don't have program. Not everyone is willing to go to any length to stay sober. Some are willing to be sober, but not willing to be clean and sober. For me, substitution doesn't work, whatever the substance, it all leads to the same soul sickness. It is just that some substnces can take you down faster than others.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/thoughtpod/thoughtpod1147.jpg

MajestyJo
11-11-2016, 04:43 AM
Equality/Prejudice

Didn't think I had much prejudice, thought I had an open mind, but the other day I found that I don't have much respect for people who abuse, in my eyes, women. The old way of thinking about keeping women in the kitchen and the bedroom, espeially when I see the men sitting around in malls or on street corners watching other women go by.

I know it is their culture, but I think that they need to change and update their views.

Don't have much tolerance for people who say one thing and do another. That is what I look for in a sponsor, someone who walks her talk.

I wish I had a car, yet I know that it is best that I don't drive. I see a lot of drivers on the road and think that they shouldn't be driving either.

According to this, we can blame our winter blues and snow on the angels.

I need to get out of the blame game. I need to remember that for every finger I point at someone or some thing, I have three coming back at me.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/thoughtpod/thoughtpod1156.jpg

MajestyJo
11-19-2016, 06:06 PM
Polite/Rude

Polite would be good. Sounds like a lessoned learned. I don't do mail order or internet shopping. Just because there is a size on the article, doesn't mean it is made in the same shape as others of the same number. I need to try things on because my body is not normal. Because of my diabetes, I have a pot that I can't get rid of and have to my mind a flat a$$, something I always wanted was a much more curvy one. Acceptance is the key. I have long skinny leg, and the boobs are just not where they use to be.

It may be rude and too much information, but I hate bras and when my body swells, they cause me just too much pain. I generally where a shirt under a shirt. If I wear a bra, it is because it is a courtesy to others other than a vanity thing of mine to put the girls up where they are suppose to be.

Polite is always good, there is no excuse for rudeness. The customer is always right they say, but to my way of thinking, the customer needs to get with the program. The server is a human too, just trying to do their job. The powers that be, the head honchos are the ones who really need a program. Many qualify, but don't make it!

http://angelwinks.ca/images/thoughtpod/thoughtpod1164.jpg

MajestyJo
11-20-2016, 06:53 PM
Just for today, I will affirm myself. It is okay to be me. If someone has a problem with me, it is their problem, and I can't take it personal. I have to accept what is in today knowing it is subject to change. Recovery is a process. Things happen in my God's time, not mine when I surrender and turn things over to Him.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/thoughtpod/thoughtpod1165.jpg

MajestyJo
11-22-2016, 01:09 AM
Just for today, I will not ignore what is going on with my body. For many years, I stuffed my feelings and didn't allow myself to be human. Ms. Perfection is part of my disease, she is not part of recovery. Just shutting down and pretending something isn't there, and it developed into more. Like my love of coca-cola and donuts let me to type 2 diabetes. Just for today, I will not only change my eating, I will change my attitude.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/kidpod/kidpod1182.jpg

MajestyJo
11-22-2016, 06:59 PM
Just for today, I will remember if I am doubting myself, I am doubting my God. I need to put things in His/Her Hands and leave them there.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XzVeYtiHzgc/UpeomI0WHSI/AAAAAAAAARY/LdOELQRmnu8/s1600/Valentine_Cartoon_Elephant-004.png

MajestyJo
11-23-2016, 06:46 AM
Just for today, I will go with the flow instead of trying to make things happen. I will turn my day over to the God of my understanding and trust my God to direct my path. I won't leave home without Him.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_3_2FCxXqZPQ/SNEZjpgHZ2I/AAAAAAAADS0/zW2MXeQ_-00/s400/Animated-Thanksgiving-Gifs.jpg

MajestyJo
11-24-2016, 09:30 AM
Just for today, I will let go of my resentment and preconceived ideas of the senior transportation here in the city, in order to get to my group on a regular basis, come rain or shine.

I will try to keep and open mind and remember the purpose and persevere.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LNjn_N-uTY8/VklVJIPR4sI/AAAAAAAADo0/ii7tYyZo7_I/s1600/unique-animated-happy-thanksgiving-pictures-2.jpg

MajestyJo
12-26-2016, 10:22 PM
Realistic/Unrealistic

Realistically, I had a crappy day. My phone is broken. I am still getting my head aches. It looks like my body has become immune to Echinacea, and I am all stuffed up and have problems breathing.

It would be unrealistic for me to put my happy face on, even though I will try, but feel like it would take too much energy. Why say something if it isn't true.

My throat is sore, so have trouble speaking my truth, so letting my fingers speak for me.

Bah Humbug!

https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M928c7698d08136fb30e13809a61c3f0fo0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=222&h=170

MajestyJo
01-04-2017, 08:11 PM
Generous/Selfish


Have been told that I am selfish. I know it is the nature of my disease, yet through my program, I try not to go there today.

I can remember in my past, my attitude toward my ex-husband was, "God help your soul if you have one more drink than I do, and yet he had the problem with drinking, not I. He was a falling down drunk, I was a functioning alcoholic.

In today, I am willing to share half my pie with my son. Not too willing to let him have some of my half, although there have been a few occasions. Then there are the times when it comes to dishing out the chocolate pudding. The bowls are generally even, although with my eyes, I see he has more. That isn't counting cleaning out the pot and licking the sthingy.

On the positive side, I firmly believe that if you have enough to cook for one, you can cook for two.

https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.Mfb38f707801dc1aec4e897631df4df5cH0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300

MajestyJo
01-04-2017, 08:13 PM
and gracious. I know I am thankful for the people that have been put in my path over the years.

My father told me years ago when I was in my 20s, that I was more contrary than stubborn. I did dig in and say, "Won't when it came to cigarettes for a long time, I just didn't want to give up that last addiction." I used the program to quit, and instead of gaining weight, I lost 3 lbs. and as the saying goes, "Fear kept me sick."

Many thought I was a self-righteous sinner when I did quit. I found out I was allergic to smoke of all kinds, and couldn't hang around people who smoked. I lost a lot of friends. I had been in recovery for 7 years when I made the decision to quit. I wanted to be a clean clear channel to carry the message of recovery. That was 18 years ago, and there are times even in today that I think, a cigarette would be great right now, but I chase that thought with, "Just for today, I choose not to use. The same is applicable to my eating disorder, and I had to turn over my love of Lottery Tickets to my God and apply the program there too.

I don't like to think that I am stubborn and I won't pick up, for me that isn't spiritual. It is about taking my thinkiing to my God and asking for it to be changed. Take those obsessive feelings away, instead of hanging on with gritted teeth and clenched fists.

https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.BwricrucyNk0V5fcgOFX9ABsCM&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300

MajestyJo
01-04-2017, 08:14 PM
Respectful/Disrespectful

So many people feel like they deserve respect. Respect is something that is earned. My past caught up to me many times, so I had to earn respect as a result of decisions made. They say, "We are where we are at in today as a result of decisions made." If I don't respect myself, how can I expect someone else to respect me.

As they say, "What goes around, comes around." If I am disrespectful toward others, I can be sure it will come back to me and grab me on the butt and get my attention and I will find myself saying, "Why is this happening to me?" Duh!!!

We were talking about this today. So many people no longer respect personal space. It is invaded continually, with no thought of the other person. It is today's society, always in a hurry, always wanting their way, and it is like there is no one else in the world but them and their wants and desires.

https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.Mc0b49ab5153029e13d7bc7563c660185o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=235&h=161

MajestyJo
01-05-2017, 07:19 PM
Assertive/Submissive

Well I was assertive today when I called Darts and they said I had no booking for today. I said, "How can you add a passenger to my ride that is not there." She said, "The ride is booked on the 12th." Grrrrrrr.

I said, "This is not acceptable to me. This was booked over 6 weeks ago, and I was told it would take 3 weeks to put in place. I need to be at my appointment today. I said, "Thankfully it isn't snowing, but it is very cold. If you can't accomadate me, then I will have to take a bus. I said, "Riding on a bus, especially the express one, is very painful for me." Please see what you can do, it would be appreciated." They found a ride for me to and from my home group. To top it off, they had the wrong information on the contract they had in place. I just didn't let it go, I set the record straight. It didn't make a difference if they made a mistake today, but to continually make one is unacceptable and I would have had to cancel the service. I am not going to wait for over half an hour for transportation that doesn't come.

They say, "How important is it?" It was important. Important for my health and well being, as well as for my sobriety.

http://rs125.pbsrc.com/albums/p68/alongway99/Christmas%20Animations/BirdRedRobinHollySnows.gif~c200

MajestyJo
01-10-2017, 08:25 PM
Purposeful/Aimless

AA gave me purpose when I read the Third and Fifth Traditions. I thought my life was over, had no reason for living as my son was in active addiction and my life had been lived through him for many years. Between AA and Al-Anon, I was able to bring my life back to focusing on me.

I started to play bridge, something I want to get back to now that the holidays are over and I no longer have to go to the lab to get my blood tested. My medication for my blood thinner is balanced and my blood is where it is suppose to be.

Tradition Five says, "Carry the message to others who still suffer." That is why I come to the site and post daily. It gave me a purpose and a reason for living. When I came into recovery, it was stop the world, I want to get off. Now I have purpose in my life, first it was my blogs and now I help others.

http://angelwinks.ca/iq/qcdogthoughts2.jpg

MajestyJo
01-19-2017, 03:17 PM
Relaxed -or- Defensive + + Secure -or- Insecure

Like the two chips together. That helps to make up for the fact that I didn't post one yesterday. My day started late, and it was everyone's goodnight, while it was my good morning, because I had a long nap that turned into a deep sleep. So I guess you can say I was relaxed.

I don't have to be defensive, I can be myself. In order to do that, I have to be secure within myself. I looked nervous today, because my tremon disorder was bad. I chaired the meeting at my home group today, and I was secure about what I was doing and insecure on the other hand, because when I did it before, I forgot the announcements and the introductions around the room. I wanted to make sure today that I never forgot anything. I am so glad the meeting starts with a moment of silence and the Serenity Prayer.

Love the quote "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
- - Eleanor Roosevelt

This is something that came to mind while sharing with a friend today. I need those personal boundaries.

MajestyJo
01-21-2017, 01:24 AM
Grateful/Ungrateful

Over the years, I have been very grateful for my recovery. Grateful for all the gifts that this program offers. Grateful that I benefit from the AA program as well as the Al-Anon one. In truth, I qualify for just about any room you put me in. So grateful that the 12 Steps are a common denominator amongst them all. The substance is but a symptom of my disease, the problem is me.

I am grateful that I can recognize how my disease makes itself known in my life today. It takes many forms, and I am so grateful that my God is big enough to handle them all. We can do what I can't do.

About the only time I am ungrateful is when the sun doesn't shine. I don't get too angry at my God, because I know that the sun is shining on someone else even if it isn't shining on me.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/suemiller/suemiller3.jpg

MajestyJo
01-27-2017, 10:09 PM
Happy/Sad

Feeling happy in the moment, at least I am not sad, not sure if it extends to happy or not. Certainly, not sure it is a happy-go-lucky kind of day! ;)

I just finished pizza with garlic sauce, so that made me happy. I am watching tennis, and that always makes me tennis.

What makes me more than happy is the waiting to watch the Gaither Gospel Hour, which has just finished recording. There is also Macgyver to look forward to, so no reason to be sad in the moment.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/peanuts/peanuts15.gif

MajestyJo
01-31-2017, 12:34 PM
Willing to admit faults/Self-righteous

Well I have lots of them, and I have often shared them. Personally, I think there is nothing worse than a self-righteous sinner. I get taken as one, because of my allergy to smoke, all kinds of smoke, not just cigarette smoke.

Most times for me, it is "Been there done it, wore the t-shirt." Just for today, I choose not to go there in today."

I do have freedom of choice. I have had three sponsors (Al-Anon, services, and AA) say they have never met anyone who has done as much work on themselves as I have. Using was never an option for me, as seeing as I had several issues: alcohol, prescription pills, food, relationships, work, computer, sex, etc. to deal with over the years, it has brought a lot of enlightenment and awareness.

As I said to the guy at the Holistic Center last week, I don't know if I just have a problem with letting go or I am just FULL OF SH*T!

It ended up to be a wonderful spiritual healing session. I just prayed and ask for what I needed and asked that any barriers and blocks be taken away.

Written by me on another site in 2014

Willing to admit faults/Self-righteous

Nothing is more off putting to me than self-righteous people, especially if they are 'sinners' and have done it before and have a holier-than-thou attitude. The only thing worse is condescension.

I am willing admit faults, sometimes too willing and some of it I could keep to myself. Some may think it is too much information, but I know that I am only as sick as my secrets.

Honesty is one of the spiritual principles of the first Step. I think it is needed for the other 11 too.

I know I have trouble with my eating. Before I didn't want to eat, now I seem to want to eat all the time. There has to be a happy medium. I need to make healthy choices, but I am afraid, some do not measure up.

MajestyJo
02-02-2017, 07:49 PM
PATIENCE-vs- IMPATIENCE

“Patience can’t be acquired overnight. It is just like
building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it.”
- - Eknath Easwaran

A couple acronyms that might help by SG:

QTIP: Quit Taking It Personally

THINK: Is it- Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, Kind

Like these and the quote by SG. Patience is still something I need to work on today, which is almost 3 years later. It just goes to show, that the program is one day at a time. I dealt with patience yesterday, and had to bring it out and address it again today, when I got impatient with others.

As they say, it is generally because I am not getting my own way, or that someone dare to disagree with me. LOL! Maybe I need to do a Step 10 on this, but I just know I was right and waiting for the specialist to affirm my belief so I can say,
"I told you so and you didn't listen to me.!" :(

http://angelwinks.ca/iq/qccats540.jpg

MajestyJo
02-04-2017, 10:33 AM
Responsible/Irresponsible.

My biggest responsibility is making it to this site. Because of my irregular sleep patterns, that can be any time. My morning are not the same as other people's. I am often going to bed when others are getting up. Pain wakes me up and it keeps me from sleeping.

One of the best things about posting is the fact that it helps me to get out of self, and helps me to release the pain. I always feel better after posting.

That is why I started the post, "A Day Can Start Anytime." A day can start any time, so I often have two days in one. ;)

http://s12.favim.com/orig/160214/ecard-gif-love-teddy-bear-Favim.com-3995112.gif