Thoughts To Help You On Your Recovery Path

[MajestyJo]

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I Will Try

I will Try no matter How hard I have to.

I will Try even if Life crushes me down.

I will not Give up & Try N Try to rise high.

I will Try to Fly & Touch the Sky, even if the world says U don't have the wings & you cant fly.

I will Try to win, even if am Losing.

I will Try to have Hope, even if there is None.

I will Try always to Smile, even if I m Crying.

I will Try to Sing, even if my Voice is dying.

I will Try to be Positive , even if I m surrounded in Negatives.

I will Try to reach for the Heaven, even if I m in Hell.

I will Try to Love , even if I have a Broken Heart.

Even if my Fate defies me and my Luck betrays, In the darkest days with no Sunrays, I will Try and do nothing else till I've achieved my dreams & won't give up.
As winner I wish to live , who fights till the last breath...

And I will Try to Live even If I'm about to Die.

- unknown

From my site The Angel of Health

[MajestyJo]

"Words of Wisdom..."

1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.

2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.

3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.

4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.

5. Success stops when you do.

6. When your ship comes in.... make sure you are willing to unload it.

7. You will never "have it all together."

8. Life is a journey...not a destination. Enjoy the trip!

9. The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want I will be happy."

10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.

11. I've learned that ultimately , 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.

12. Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.

13. If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.

14. We often fear the thing we want the most.

15. Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you have to say. Best friends listen to what
you don't say!

16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.

17. Look for opportunities...not guarantees.

18. Life is what's coming....not what was.

19. Success is getting up one more time.

20. Now is the most interesting time of all.

21. When things go wrong.....don't go with them.

22. Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

23. God can mend all broken hearts. You just have to give him all the pieces.

24. A person who asks a question might be a fool for five minutes, but a person who doesn't ask, is a
fool forever...

25. A best friend is like a four leaf clover... hard to find, and lucky to have.

26. A friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart.

27. A coincidence is when God performs a miracle, and decides to remain anonymous.

28. I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

29. Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace... and your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.

30. Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back.

[MajestyJo]

My favorite slogan is "Let it begin with me."

It reminds me that my recoveryis about me and not about the other person. No matter what someone says or does, it is about me, my thoughts and my actions.

The slogan that has probably helped me the most and has helped me to change my old habits and behaviors is "Hesitate and Meditate." Stop before I think and react.

With it goes the slogan "Listen to Learn, Learn to Listen." It was always about me and what I needed. I had to learn to stop and listent to others and to what they had to say. Sometimes the best way you can help somone is to just listen to them.

But for the Grace of God - I would not be here. My name in real life means God's Gracious Gift. I did not think it was so for many years. I used and abused myself and allowed others to do so. I had to come to realize that I was loved, that this second chance at life was given to me, it was up to me to give back to others, the special gift that I had been given.

We can`t compare this Christmas with Christmas past if we stay clean and sober. We have a Higher Power, hopefully new friends and acquaintances. We can go to meetings and connect with others, we are no longer alone.

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[MajestyJo]

Noah's Ark Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark .

ONE: Don't miss the boat.

TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat!

THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

SIX: Build your future on high ground.

SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage.. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile.

TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

My instructions were to send this to the people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. Please pass this on to people you want to be blessed.

(Give it!! Don't just get it.)

Most people walk in and out of your life.......but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart

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[MajestyJo]

Have seen this many times but I am always blessed when I re-read it, original source unknown:


Cake

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Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve
this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here
is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is
going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend
broke up with her and her best friend is moving
away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks
her daughter if she would like a snack, and the
daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."

Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother
offers. "Yuck" says her daughter.

"How about a couple raw eggs?"

"Gross, Mom!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking
soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those
things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are
put together in the right way, they make
wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why
He would let us go through such bad and difficult
times. But God knows that when He puts these things
all in His order, they always work for good! We just
have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all
make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers
every spring and a sunrise every morning.

Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can
live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your
heart.

If you like this, send this on to the people you
really care about. I did.

I hope your day is a "piece of cake!"

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but
while we are here we might as well dance.

[MajestyJo]

My favorite slogan is "Let it begin with me."

It reminds me that my recovery is about me and not about the other person. No matter what someone says or does, it is about me, my thoughts and my actions.

The slogan that has probably helped me the most and is "Hesitate and Meditate." Stop before I think and react.
has helped me to change my old habits and behaviours
With it goes the slogan "Listen to Learn, Learn to Listen." It was always about me and what I needed. I had to learn to stop and listen to others and to what they had to say. Sometimes the best way you can help someone is to just listen to them.

But for the Grace of God - I would not be here. My name in real life means God's Gracious Gift. I did not think it was so for many years. I used and abused myself and allowed others to do so. I had to come to realize that I was loved, that this second chance at life was given to me, it was up to me to give back to others, the special gift that I had been given.

A slogan that I have problems with is "Easy Does It...but do it!" I seem to always go gung-ho at anything I do (except dishes), and I put all my energy into it, and then after go, go, going, I crash and go boom.

Today I took the bus downtown and back. I didn't do a lot more than what I needed to do and didn't even check out the whole market, only went to where I needed to go. I was grateful that the elevator was working and I didn't have to take the ramp. Yet for all of that, I came home and just had to go and have a lay down. My son called and woke me up, tried to stay up but just couldn't. Today I did after having a reasonable night sleep. I went the other day with just a couple of hours sleep and yet I had the same results.

So it is easy does it, do what you need to do when you need to do it! Many times, I would go so easy, I wouldn't get it done! I have never been good at doing things a little at a time. I don't even like to put a book down after I start reading it.

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it!"

I was broke and needed fixin' and my God and I are still working on it!

You can learn two things at a meeting. How to work your program and how NOT to work your program! Just because someone is in the rooms of recovery doesn't mean have it all together. A long-timer can hurt just as much as a newcomer. This is a 'One Day At A Time' program.

There are many slogans, I always looked at them as mini-steps. There are many of them besides the original one from AA and many have been added to the list by alcoholics and addicts.

Live and let live.
But for the grace of God...
Keep It Simple
Let go and let God
One day at a time
First Things First
Think, Think, Think
Easy Does It...but do it!
Just For Today
Use it or lose it
Utilize NOT criticize
Each day is a new beginning
and the list goes on and on...

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[MajestyJo]

Today, I will try to become ready for the help and change I most need in my life.

From Touchstone

This reminds me of the five As of change. I have to be aware of the problem, then I need to admit to myself, to God, and to another of that awareness, then I have to follow up with acceptance of what is in the moment. It is what it is and knowing that it is subject to change if I am willing to follow through with the action to change my attitude that has blocked me in the past from dealing with the issue. In can be an attitude of denial, indifference, not worthy, not important, or what ever else within me, blocked me from taking the action to change. The action can take many forms, prayer, giving it over to my Higher Power, It is important that I do the footwork and leave the results up to Him. Sometimes it involves an amend, for my part in the situation. It generally always means forgiveness, especially of myself.


Posted on JoAnne's Recovery Road

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[MajestyJo]

Changing destructive habits is what changes lives.

People grow accustomed to habits even when they are self-destructive. We who have sought the help of Twelve Step programs were often caught in patterns of behavior that injured us or other people. We want help to change these habits or we wouldn't be here now.

We learn at our first meeting that Twelve Step programs are both for the present day and for a lifetime. We are comforted and surprised by that. The comfort is in knowing help will always be available to us. The surprise is in having erroneously thought that we'd get "fixed" and not need the meetings forever.

It doesn't take us long to realize the benefits of utilizing Twelve Step recovery in our daily lives. For years we repeated the same behaviours, expecting different outcomes, but that didn't happen. Now we have a plan for living that includes Steps, slogans, friends, and support meetings - a host of new options for handling every detail of our journey. And we can see, even in a short time that our lives are changing at last.

I can change my life if I have the willingness to use what the program is teaching me.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

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[MajestyJo]

Today's Reminder from Courage to Change:

My thoughts are my teachers. Are they teaching me to love and appreciate myself and others, or are they teaching me to practice isolation? Today I will choose my teachers with great care.

"Live and let live" sets us free from the compulsion to criticize, judge, condemn and retaliate...[which] can damage us far more than those against whom we use such weapons. Al-Anon helps us to learn tolerance rooted in love.

- This Is Al-Anon

This was today's reading and gave me pause for thought. My thoughts are energy and what I think, I put out to the Universe. What I put out comes back to me.

So much of it calls for good motive and intent. Do I have good intentions towards myself and others. What is my motive for saying and doing what I do (did)?

All pause for thought!

When I re-read the quote, the thought that came to mind was, "Just because I had a feeling or a thought, didn't mean I had to act on it. That was something I had done wrong all of my life. I would see or hear and would immediately presume you were looking or talking about me and often in defense, I felt like I had to retaliate.

There was very little stop before you speak. I would hear things and perceive them as derogatory and hurtful, and would either want to pay you back or would burst out in tears and role play to the hilt. All in response to "It is your fault, look at what you made me do, if you hadn't done that, I wouldn't have...."

I took everything personal. I used my thoughts to beat myself up royally and I used your words as I perceived them to be, which were never validated, to put myself down, or I would hit back and put you down to make me feel better.

An ugly world, an unkind place, and I am glad I don't have to go there any more. I don't have to buy into other people's game and I don't have to role play and be someone I am not.

I had to heal those thoughts. I had to change the thinking. I had to allow myself to heal and forgive myself. Often it was my disease acting out. Many times it was all I knew and what I heard growing up and didn't know my thoughts were outdated.

I had to learn to allow others to have their thoughts. I just had to learn not to buy into them and give them power over me. It was important to not give up my own power. Empowerment that I didn't know I had.

ave found over the years that I have learned to hesitate and meditate before I speak. That is a real departure from the old me, even in recovery, I wanted to tell people, who it should be done!

For me to walk away and not react was and is a big step for me. I still may come back and share my own experience, strength, and hope. It just won't be done with resentment and anger. I have always been a person who has believed in standing up for what she believes in. For too many years, mum was the word and it all festered inside, only to explode in anger and hate. I am a firm believer in it isn't about what you say, it is about how you say it. When you let go of the anger and always having to be right, things can be stated in truth. Agreeing to disagree was a wonderful tool in recovery.

Put your thoughts, dreams, and ideas out to the Universe and see what you get back.

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[MajestyJo]

Today's Reminder - November 21, 2010

In handling my difficulties, what's important isn't how much time I have in Al-Anon but how willing I am in implement the tools of recovery. While Al-Anon doesn't grant immunity from problems, it does offer a healthy way to deal with them.

"Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things." H. W. Beecher

From Courage to Change (Al-Anon)

90 TOOLS FOR SOBRIETY

1 ) Stay away from that first drink, taking the 1st step daily.
2 ) Attend AA regularly and get involved.
3 ) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME.
4 ) Use the 24 Hour plan.
5 ) Turn your "dis-ease" to a sense of ease. Picture yourself as "recovered."
6 ) Do first things first.
7 ) Don't become too tired.
8 ) Eat at regular hours.
9 ) Use the telephone. (not just after the fact but during too.).
10) Be active - don't just sit around. Idle time will kill you.
11) Use the Serenity Prayer.
12) Change old routines and patterns.
13) Don't become too hungry.
14) Avoid loneliness.
15) Practice control of your anger.
16) Air your resentments.
17) Be willing to help whenever needed.
18) Be good to yourself, you deserve it.
19) Easy does it.
20) Get out of the "IF ONLY" trap.
21) Remind yourself HOW IT WAS. Your last drunk, the feelings etc. Picture better alternatives.
22) Be aware of your emotions. Reason about them.
23) Help another in his/her recovery, extend your hand, listen.
24) Try to turn your life and your will over to your Higher Power.
25) Avoid all mood-altering drugs, read labels on all medicines.
26) Turn loose of old ideas.
27) Avoid drinking situations/occasions.
28) Replace old drinking buddies with new AA buddies.
29) Read the Big Book.
30) Try not to be dependent on another (sick relationships). Be independent or inter-dependent.
31) Be grateful, and when you're not, make a GRATITUDE list.
32) Get off the "Pity Pot"...the only thing you'll get is a ring
around your bottom if you don't.
33) Seek knowledgeable help when troubled and or otherwise.
34) Face it! You are in control of your destiny.
35) Try the 12 and 12, not just 1 and 12 or 1, 12 and 13!
36) Let go and Let God.
37) Use the "God box." (Write down your worries and problems. Put them in the God box. Once you've done so, you can no longer think about them for that day. Use God's answers: yes, no, or wait, I have something better in store for you. Don't forget to say thanks.
38) Find courage to change through the example of others who have.
39) Don't try to test your will power. When in doubt, DON'T. (Or don't, yet.)
40) Live TODAY, not YESTERDAY, not TOMORROW - projection is planning
the results before anything even happens.
41) Avoid emotional involvements the first year - you end up putting
the other person first and lose sight of "your" program.
42) Remember, YOU ARE NOT YOUR DIS-EASE. So, take it easy on yourself.
43) Rejoice in the manageability of your new life.
44) Be humble--Humility is not in thinking of yourself more, but in
thinking more of yourself less often. Watch the ego.
45) Share your experience, strength and hope as much as possible and as creatively as possible.
46) Cherish your recovery.
47) Dump your garbage regularly - GIGO = Garbage In Garbage Out.
48) Get plenty of "restful" sleep.
49) Stay sober for you - not someone else - otherwise it won't work.
50) Practice rigorous honesty with yourself and others.
51) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME, not 10 years in one day!
55) Make no major decisions the first year.
56) Get a sponsor and use him/her.
57) Know that no matter what your problems, someone's had them before.
Don't be afraid to share, as a problem shared is one 1/2 solved.
58) Strive for progress not perfection.
59) When in doubt ask questions. The only stupid question is the one
not asked.
60) Use prayer and meditation.
61) Maintain a balance: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental.
62) Don't use other substances as a maintenance program.
63) Learn to take spot check inventories.
64) Watch out for the RED FLAGS ... things that give excuses for poor
behavior and inevitable relapse.
65) Know that its okay to be human ... just don't drink over it.
66) Be kind to yourself; it's about time, don't you think?
67) Don't take yourself so seriously - take the dis-ease seriously!
68) Know that whatever it is that's causing pain - it shall pass.
69) Stay as far away from the DRY DRUNK SYNDROME as humanly possible.
70) Don't give away more than you can afford oo, your sobriety comes
first and must be the number 1 priority. Protect it at all costs.
71) Take down those bricks from the wall around you; you'll be able to
see the daylight better. Let people know who you are.
72) Get a home group and attend it regularly.
73) Know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming
train, but actually a ray of hope. Drop the negativity.
74) Know that you are not alone, that's why the "We" is in the steps.
75) Be willing to go to any lengths to stay and be sober.
76) Know that no matter how bleak and dark your past may be, your
future is clean, bright and clear if you don't drink today.
77) Stay out of your own way.
78) Don't be in a hurry--remember "TIME = Things I Must Earn".
79) Watch the EGO. "EGO = Ease God Out".
80) Protect your sobriety at all costs. Keep the light on you.
81) Learn to listen, not just hear. Be open-minded and nonjudgmental.
82) Know that if your insides match your outsides, everyone looks good.
83) If the rest of the world looks bad, check yourself out first.
84) Gratitude is in the attitude.
85) When all else fails ... punt! Up the number of meetings!!!
86) Remember FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL!
87) If they knew better, they'd do better. Think about letting things go.
88) Handle what you can and leave the rest, don't overtax yourself.
You can only accomplish so much in a given 24 hours.
89) Honesty and consistency are key factors in recovery.
90) Let the little kid in you out - learn how to laugh from the gut.

-adapted from ideas by Bob

Sometimes when I am caught up in life, it is sometimes difficult to realize what is happening and takes a while to recognize something for what it is like self-pity and resentment because they are familiar feelings and places I have found myself in far too many times. The nice thing is I recognize them much quicker and don't stay stuck in the feelings. Even nicer is the fact that I can feel the feelings so that I can let them go instead of stuffing them.

Even in today, after several 24 hours of recovery, I still need to pick up the phone and call my sponsor. The special person that allows me to share and be myself.

What I needed to recognize was that things are different in today. Today I take my Higher Power with me into situations and I no longer walk with fear, I don't have to figure things out by myself. I am granted freedom of choice. The greatest choice is to change my mind and choose again.

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[MajestyJo]

But if any of you lacketh wisdom, let him ask of God, who giveth to all liberally and unbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing doubting; for he that doubteth is like the surge of the sea driven by the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord; a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

- James I: 5-8

The only way to find true help and support is to take things to my Higher Power.

Turn things over and leave them there, walk in faith.


I was so fragmented and broken when I came into recovery. Slowly but surely, I changed and became whole. What it took in early recovery is not what I need in today. What I need to do in today is maintain my sobriety. At the beginning I was search for it and looking for what I need. Yet having said that, "I also need to look at what I need in today. What I thought I needed, may have changed. Just because it is something that served me for several years, doesn't mean it is still what I need in today. As you say, "I may have gotten comfortable, maybe something has worn out, not only it's welcome but it's use and needs to be replaced."

If I have a fear in today, it is that I won't notice. If I find a fear, like I faced three days ago, I know to take it to my God. I know that whatever happens will happen, fear or no fear. Best I think of goodness and draw it to me that to think the worst and attract it to me. I am a firm believer in the Power of Prayer.

Fearing change....

I love the acronym: F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real

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[MajestyJo]

Acceptance for me is the key to recovery. If I can't accept my disease, I will surely relapse. If I can't accept my dis-ease, I will continually look outside of myself to make me feel better instead of going within and accepting what I find there, in the moment.

Acceptance for me is always about in the moment, in today. Accepting what is, knowing it is subject to change.

I had someone tell me that acceptance had no part of recovery because it wasn't mentioned in the first 164 pages of the Big Book. To me this is total HOG WASH! For me, acceptance is a necessary attitude I must find in order to take Step One - 100%.

Acceptance is one of the principles of the First Step. It is also part of the grieving process. So whenever we go through change, which is a grieving process, we need to find that acceptance.

So much of what is in today is a result of choices made. I need to accept that what I put out, I get back, unfortunately, sometimes it is 10 fold. Which is good if I make a good choice but not so good when I don't make healthy ones.

I also need to accept the fact that when I see something negative in someone else, it is a reflection from something within myself. Step Ten keeps me honest. With that honesty, comes acceptance and surrender to a Higher Power.

The Serenity Prayer says it all for me. I am so glad I can't wear it out. It is the wisdom to know the difference that takes practice, practice, practice.

When I can accept me, I can live in faith instead of fear.

Early in recovery, I asked my spiritual advisor what I had to change and his response was "Everything!"

This was hard to accept. I thought I was a pretty good person once I no longer had the drugs in my system. I no longer drank so what was my problem?

What I had to learn to accept was that the problem was not the pills, the alcohol, or the men in my life, the problem was me?

What I had to change was my way of thinking. I had to accept that it had become warped by this dis-ease and I had to find a new way of living.

I had to accept that I could no longer look out of myself for people, places and things to make me feel better. I had to go within and I had to connect with a Higher Power.

I had to accept a Higher Power. It meant I had to accept a God as I saw Him, this God that I had been so angry with. This God who I thought all my life was going to never accept me because I had done all the things that the 'church' said I should do.

I had to learn to accept the people around me. Accept where they were at and recognize that either they didn't have a program or they did and were not using it, at least not to my way of thinking.

But the hardest to accept was me and what I found on that journey inward. When I got honest, I had to learn to surrender it all to my Higher Power and accept what I found there in order to recover.

It has been a process. I has taken practice, practice, practice. I had to accept on a daily basis that I can't take this journey alone, that just because I worked on something once before, it will come back again, and hardest of all was to accept was my humanness. The workaholic, the perfectionist, the know-it-all, the caretaker, screaming shrew, the shopaholic, overeater, the codependent, the gambler, and the addict, had to change. I was one of the 'really' sick ones.

I had to accept that I am still a work in progress.

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[MajestyJo]

Principles For Better Living

Keep it simple.
Stop trying to please everybody.
Start pleasing yourself.
Cultivate gratitude.
Carve out an hour a day for solitude.
Don't be afraid of your passion.
Cherish your dreams.
Express love every day.
Keep your house picked up.
Don't over schedule.
Strive for realistic deadlines.
Never make a promise you can't keep.
Allow an extra half hour for everything you do.
Create quiet surroundings at home and at work.
Go to bed at nine o'clock twice a week.
Always carry something interesting to read.
Breathe -deeply and often.
Move -walk, dance, run, find a sport you enjoy.
Drink pure spring water. Lots of it.
Eat only when you are hungry.
It it's not delicious, don't eat it.
Be instead of do.
Set aside one day a week for rest and renewal.
Laugh more often.
Luxuriate in your senses.
Always opt for comfort.
Let Mother Nature nurture.
Don't answer the telephone during dinner.
Stay away from negative people.
Don't squander precious resources: time, creative energy, emotion.
Nurture friendships.
Approach problems as challenges.
Honor your aspirations.
Set achievable goals.
Surrender expectations.
Savor beauty.
Create boundaries.
Don't worry, be happy.
Remember: happiness is a living emotion.
Care for your soul.
Search for your authentic self until you find him/her.
Begin and end each day with prayer, meditation, or reflection.

Author Unknown

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[MajestyJo]

An act of overindulging; indulgence in too much; pleasure or consumption taken in excess of what is satisfying or necessary.

Wiktionary


Had this thought when I was posting in the OA and realized how much it applies to all addictions.

I had no knowledge of the fact that I didn't metabolize alcohol like normal people do. I didn't know that when I had that first drink, it stuck around and was there when I had my second and third and what I got was compounded interest.

The first time I drank socially, I went to the Trinidad Club in Toronto and had eight rum and coke. I was happy-go-lucky. Danced down the walkway to my friend's house, walked a straight line and if I remember rightly, I was singing. I was 21 years old. When I came into recovery, I was told that eight drinks wasn't social drinking. That social drinking was only one or two! I had no concept of this. Over the years, it took more and more to bring me up to where and what I thought I need to function. It was my coping tool. It was my best friend, only to become my enemy and my worst nightmare.

In the end, my social drinking became, "If you are going to have a drink, so shall I! In fact, most times I didn't wait for you to indulge, I was quite happy to start without you.

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[MajestyJo]

Will you walk with me?

My friend could you always be?

Will you take my hand ?

When times are tough,can you take command?


Will you laugh with me,

And share in my glee?

Will you be at my side at every turn,

Teaching me the things I need to learn?


Summer, Winter, Spring, and Fall,

Will you be with me to share it all?

As we walk together year after year,

Our friendship only will grow more dear!

Author unknown

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/christmas-animals-6/0003.gif

Drugs were my best friend, or so I thought. They helped me to cope with life. Then they became my enemy, I got to a place where I no longer wanted to live.

Today I have a life. Just for today I choose not to use people, place and things. Just for today, I choose to utilize the people, place and things that my God puts in my path to show me the way to stay clean.

[MajestyJo]

Words to Live By

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. just get up and dance.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

Have an awesome day, and know that someone has thought about you today.

Think this is a rerun but definitely a good reminder...

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/christmas-balls-3/0002.gif

[dwmoeller]

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[MajestyJo]

Live With Integrity

Live with integrity and you'll deal with a lot less stress in
your life. Because dishonesty, deception, cheating --
aside from their obvious moral implications -- require
constant, nerve-wracking upkeep...covering your tracks,
deluding others, living with the spectre of getting caught.

However small our dishonesties (and who among us is
guiltless?), they will exact a costly toll in undermining
our sense of security, well-being and self-respect. Which
may explain why some of the most honest people we
know -- regardless of their circumstances -- are also the
happiest.

When we come clean, and live clean, a huge burden is lifted.

~unknown~

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[MajestyJo]

Time for Joy - Book - Quote

I trust God's plan for me today. I know that I am being guided at all times. I know all I need to know in any given moment.

Sometimes I tend to forget this. I find myself asking my God, "Can't you give me a little hint so we both will know?

I looked at my horoscope in the paper today and it said go to dinner and take the evening as it comes. I went to bridge, had a buffet supper, and came third and won more silver points. It was the first time playing with my partner and she figured we did so, so and left before the scores were calculated.

It seems like a small things, but those small things add up to peace and contentment.

Resentments are the number one thing that takes us back out, followed by guilt. So grateful that I have learned over the years to listen to that voice coming from within, yet I can still discount it because I am caught up in busy and I go along my merry way, then I generally it a wall, a block and I don't know how to handle it or I realize I just don't want to go there. So glad a day can start any time. I can go back to Step One and get honest, surrender and accept, not just what is, but my God's Will for me, instead of running off at the mouth, running away from home, running to something that will allow me to stuff a feeling, a thought, or something that will distract me, because I don't want to be where I am at.

I had to learn to stay in the moment, turn it all over to my God, and let go and let my God, lead me in the way He would have me go.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-christmas/0366.gif

[MajestyJo]

Positive Self Esteem by Increased Self Acceptance

I am a person of value and worth. I was born with this value. My worth does not decline throughout my life; it remains the same. Only my feelings about my worth can change. My value and worth is the same as anyone else s's.

I am not my behavior. If I fail at something, it does not mean that I am a failure. I will always make mistakes because I am just a person. I can try to do better but I will sometimes make wrong or selfish decisions. I need not feel guilty about old past failures. I accept myself even though I make mistakes.

I cannot control or change the past. It does not help me to worry about my past and it certainly does not help me to punish myself by dwelling on past mistakes, making myself feel guilty or calling myself names. I acted in the past only in light of my knowledge and state of mind at the time. Circumstances may also have affected my behavior. My worth is not based on how many or how few mistakes I have made.

I cannot control other people. They may not treat me as I would like but that may have little to do with who I am. Other people do not have to meet my expectations. My self worth is not based on how other people feel about me. There will always be some people who reject me or dislike me but my value remains the same. I will focus on those people who do like and respect me. Other people's feelings do not control my feelings.

It is okay for me to like myself. It does not hurt anyone else for me to have improved self-esteem. Liking myself does not make me arrogant or conceited. In fact, if my self-esteem is better, I will be more calm and pleasant with others. I give myself permission to like myself just the way that I am.

It is okay for me to make and effort to fulfill my own needs. My needs are as real and legitimate as anyone's. It is alright for me to sometimes: indulge, make mistakes, wast time, not fulfill other's expectations, be lazy, change my mind, dream, be inadequate and present a poor image. I give myself permission to be just a person with all of the weaknesses, failures and moments of selfishness that go along with being human.

I feel warm and loving toward myself. I approve of myself. I am allowed to be less then perfect. I recognize that no one is exactly like me. I can always try to improve myself, but for now, I accept myself for who I am today.

Original Source Unknown

Suggested as a daily reading

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[MajestyJo]

Sleeping is a sign of depression. Depression is also a part of grief. Being in early recovery, you go through a stage of depression, and as you go through more changes in recovery, letting go of people, places and things, you will experience more.

The knowingness and awareness of it will help you adjust in your new life. So many people go to a doctor and say, "I am depressed!" They are given a pill with no thought of the root cause. A chemical imbalance needs medication, and depression brought on my grief does not. The only medication it needs is a Twelve Step Program and some MEDITATION with your Higher Power.

I think that is why people fight "change" in their life because they don't like the process, yet when you get to the other side, the time and effort has always been worth it for me, especially when I accept what "is" in the moment.

I am continually going through grief as a result of my fibromyalgia, some of that is my trouble accepting that I cannot do what I want to do, when I want to do it! Which means I need to take it to my Higher Power for an attitude adjustment. I am going through the loss of my aunt who just passed away. Not just my aunt herself, but the things I use to do with her. i.e. picking up the phone and asking how you bake this or that, having lunch with her, etc.

Written in 2004

Sleeping is a sign of depression. Depression is also a part of grief. Being in early recovery, you go through a stage of depression, and as you go through more changes in recovery, letting go of people, places and things, you will experience more.

The knowingness and awareness of it will help you adjust in your new life. So many people go to a doctor and say, "I am depressed!" They are given a pill with no thought of the root cause. A chemical imbalance needs medication, and depression brought on my grief does not. The only medication it needs is a Twelve Step Program and some MEDITATION with your Higher Power.

I think that is why people fight "change" in their life because they don't like the process, yet when you get to the other side, the time and effort has always been worth it for me, especially when I accept what "is" in the moment.

I am continually going through grief as a result of my fibromyalgia, some of that is my trouble accepting that I cannot do what I want to do, when I want to do it! Which means I need to take it to my Higher Power for an attitude adjustment. I am going through the loss of my aunt who just passed away. Not just my aunt herself, but the things I use to do with her. i.e. picking up the phone and asking how you bake this or that, having luch with her, etc.

I have a friend who relapsed as a result of his pain and now he is back in the program grieving the loss of his drug of choice, which took away the pain, but so much more from his life. In today, he is grieving the loss of his leg which was amputated three days ago as a result of not taking care of his diabetes. We abuse our bodies for years and often when we sober up, we find out the results of that neglect. He has had heart and leg surgery several times over the last few years.

Frog means cleansing and Dog means loyal friend, so I will say, "Keep up the good work my clean and sober friends, keep doing the do things, one day at a time!"

They say don't make any major decisions in your first year. i.e. If you want to move that is okay, just remember you take you with you. Geographical cures are a part of recovery, often they don't work, it depends on the motive and intent behind them.

I have a friend who relapsed as a result of his pain and now he is back in the program grieving the loss of his drug of choice, which took away the pain, but so much more from his life. In today, he is grieving the loss of his leg which was amputated three days ago as a result of not taking care of his diabetes. We abuse our bodies for years and often when we sober up, we find out the results of that neglect. He has had heart and leg surgery several times over the last few years.

Frog means cleansing and Dog means loyal friend, so I will say, "Keep up the good work my clean and sober friend, keep doing the do things, one day at a time!"

If you want to move that is okay, just remember you take you with you. Geographical cures are a part of recovery, often they don't work, it depends on the motive and intent behind them.

Depression can keep us in our disease and the 12 Steps are applicable because we have so many losses and change in our life. It is normal. Better to work the steps than popping a pill, unless it is clinical depression. Even if you need medication for your depression, the program helps you to live with it.

[MajestyJo]

Do you belong or do you just take up some space on a chair and just come before the meeting starts and leave when it ends. (There is nothing wrong with that if that is all you can do, but there is no much more) For me to belong to a group, it means extending your hand to another member, to member from another group, and to a newcomer. To belong is helping setting up the group by helping making coffee, putting up the chairs and taking them down, putting out literature and putting it away, standing at the door and greeting people as they come and saying goodbye as they leave. One of my favourite is asking, "Do you do hugs?"

Service is done by rotation of leadership. No service position should last more than two years. Do you volunteer? Do you unvolunteer and allow someone else to have an opportunity to do service too, to get the experience that helped you. Are you willing to share what was so freely given to you?

The meeting starts when you get there and ends when you leave. Are you missing out on the meeting before the meeting and the meeting after the meeting?

They say there is no such thing as a dumb question, only those not asked. How can you know what you haven't been taught. Ask a long-timer, they will guide you as to what you need to do to belong to a group and become a true member of the fellowship.

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[MajestyJo]

Too often, we look only for friends who are much like ourselves, and we tend to avoid those who are not. This kind of narrow-mindedness isn't fair to others or ourselves. We are each unique, like the pieces of a puzzle. We are each necessary to the whole picture.

Today's Gift

When we come into recovery, things can be very overwhelming and it is so important to stay in today, and just live in the moment. I had to learn about the short and long view of things. It is strange I often had short view and couldn't see the end result or the whole picture and yet there were times I couldn't see what was right in front of my face.

I could often see the long view, but didn't know how to get there. Because things seemed unattainable, I would do nothing not knowing that it takes small steps and that I had to learn to crawl before I could walk.

For me, it is good that I can see both sides of the street. Having been raised in an alcoholic home, lived an abusive alcoholic marriage, and having the disease of alcoholism myself, even though I have been in recovery for a few 24-hours, I have been there, done it, wore the T-shirt and don't want to go back there. I don't want to look back, although it is sometimes necessary to heal in today, I need to live in the moment and not project into the future or lament over my past.

I didn't get this way overnight, and the program isn't a quick fix. All I am asked to do is try to do the best I can for this 24 hours. The support is there. I had to surround myself with sober friends, detach from (in my case family and friends), until I could get a firm foundation and allow myself to detox, get a grip of the program and how it works, got myself a sponsor to call, and friends who could be there for support. It wasn't about next week, a month away, next year, it was about today. Just for today, I choose to stay clean and sober.

The whole picture, making my space clean and safe for me. A safe place to put me in and my belongs in. A place to go, where I was safe to heal, change and grow. That was the picture that I wanted to see, someone free from the bondage of addiction.

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[MajestyJo]

Fact

from: "A Vision for You"

"Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us."


© 2001, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 164

For me, this says it all. This is a spiritual program. Each day I get up I invite my God into my day, I ask for help and He puts people, places and things in my path to show me how to live in today clean and sober. He will guide my thoughts, direct my path and it is up to me to build a working relationship with the God of my understanding.

I used people, places, and things all of my life. I looked outside of myself for something to make me feel better, when in fact all I had to do was look within, and the answers were revealed to me, a day at a time.

The sad thing is, that sometimes I didn't always trust that person, vision, thought, or guidance, and I discounted it forgetting that it was God given and it was for my Higher Good. If I doubt myself, I am doubting my God.

http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Inspirational-Images/2-Samuel_22-33.jpg

[MajestyJo]

LIVE AND LET LIVE

This is a reminder that most of us need- often.
We need to make ourselves realize that we are
not equipped to judge or criticize others for what
they are or do.

My only concern should be my own conduct, my
own improvement, my own life. Each of us are
entitled to his own view of things, but we have
no right to inflict it on anyone else.

An important slogan to apply to my life to maintain my sobriety (soundness of mind). The first word is the key, "Live" my own life and allow other to live their lives. For so many years I lived my life through others, put my life on hold for others, and I just existed instead of living. I was just marking time, not realing livig my life to the fullest.

Some one asked me what made me happy and I didn't know. I thought what they wanted made me happy. I told myself, if they where happy, I was happy.

I think I posted something like this somewhere else not to long ago. It is surprising how much denial we can live in when we don't want to face the truth.

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[MajestyJo]

Our masculine side is our survivor side. I didn't know I could set boundaries and let alone expect them to be respected and adhered to. I didn't know I could reset them when they got trampled on.

My recovery is about me. There is no right way or wrong way to work my program. It is doing what is good for me and when the time is right. I don't have to be pushed into something that I am not ready for. I came, I came to, and I came to believe that the program will work for me. Until I can take those steps honestly, I am not ready to move forward. Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness are the keys to recovery and without them, I can not able to work the rest of the Steps to the best of my ability, to bring about the change in attituded necessary to aid recovery.

I found that when I had doubt, I was continually looking for that way out, that excuse, and go back into the blame and shame game because it was easier to look at what you did than what I did.

When people step over my boundaries and get into my 'face' I allow them control and give up my power to them.

In regard to a Touchstone quote posted in 2010

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[MajestyJo]

There is no right way or wrong way to work my program. It is doing what is good for me and when the time is right. I don't have to be pushed into something that I am not ready for.

Like this, it is an old reading and the link will take you to a new link for today, but that is okay too.

www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view?catId=1902

I needed to read the old one. Things happen as they should, it isn't good for me to try to make them happen for the time is right. Just because I want them to be, doesn't make them right. It is God's time, not mine.

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[MajestyJo]

Food for Thought
Overeating is Hell

When we fall into the trap of compulsive overeating, it is as though we are driven by some malevolent, diabolical force against which we are powerless. We know with our minds that we should stop eating, but by ourselves we cannot. A binge may start out pleasantly enough - just a taste here and there - but it eventually becomes torture.

Because we know what we are doing to ourselves, we feel guilty while we are bingeing. We hate ourselves because we cannot stop. The more we eat, the more uncomfortable we become physically and mentally. Clothes constrict and we are stuffed and bloated. Our minds begin to race along old, negative, and irrational tracks. Anyone who gets in our way can be the object of our anger. We lose control, we are separated from our Higher Power, and we are in Hell.

Let us not forget every day that the first compulsive bite opens the gates of Hell.

Certainly can identify with the feelings. I am guilty of thinking, "Oh what is the use!" Then I tend to give up on myself at which a time, God and I have to have a little talk. I have a difficult time with swelling, not just in my feet, but all over. Right now I can't put on my boots to go out even if it wasn't storming. With the swelling, I think and see fat and it can put my in a hellish mind frame. I don't want to eat because I am fat. Bloat and swelling aren't fat. I have to remind myself it is part of my fibromyalgia.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-bears-food/0013.gif

A post from 2009 on another site

It is good to go back and hear myself. When I was at the doctor's the other day I was disappointed to find that I was 10 lbs. over where I had it in my mind that I was. I thought I had lost weight, and then immediately got angry and said, "It is all this swelling!!!" Which in truth, was true because it was one of my better days.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/insects-butterflies/0201.gif

It is my eating that can take my thinking to hell and back!

[MajestyJo]

I wish to live without hate, whim, jealousy, envy, and fear. I wish to be simple, honest, frank, natural, clean in mind and clean in body. . . to face any obstacle and meet every difficulty unabashed and unafraid.

--Elbert Hubbard

Growing up, we learned there were many places to make wishes: the first star, a well, candles on a birthday cake. We saw Dorothy return from Oz after she wished she were back home. Fairy tales taught us wishes can come true.

We don't have to stop wishing, even though many of our wishes never came true. We may have wished for the impossible when we said "I wish things would get better at home." But we may have gotten our way when we said, "I wish this pain would end." Our dreams came true with the program.

Our best wishes can be about ourselves and the lives we want to have. We can wish for riches and find friends with hearts of gold. We can wish for comfort and health, and get a night of uninterrupted sleep. Whatever we wish for, we can receive.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

"If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?"

-- Erma Bombeck

When I saw this, I thought it read, "What am I doing with the pits?"

Both are worth thought and require action on my part. The 12 Steps are applicable to both.

Am I practicing the principles in all my affairs? Do I work the Steps into my daily life? Do I just think program in meetings and leave my program at the door when I go home, to work, or out into the community?

Do I think, oh woe is me? I am an alcoholic. I am so hard done by, forgetting that I should be grateful that I have found this new way of living. If I wasn't an alcoholic, I wouldn't have known that there was a chance at recovery.

Do I sometimes need to eat my words? Do I give others a second thought? Am I so caught up in self that I don't have time for others?

https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=HN.608005419178524757&pid=15.1&P=0

Sorry if some of these are repeats. I post on three sites and in different sections, and have senior moments and forget what is where.

[MajestyJo]

WE CAN HANDLE ALL THAT COMES TO US

We are never divorced from our past - we are in company with it forever, and it acquaints us with the present. Our responses today reflect our experiences yesterday. And these roots lie in the past. We look at the past, check that which appears to be negative and mentally correct it by handling it in our mind as we would now. Then release it and begin again fresh and new. Everyday is offering us preparation for the future, for lessons to come, without which we'd not offer our full measures to the design which contains the development of all of us. Our experiences, past and present are not coincidental. We will be introduced to those experiences that are consistent with our talents and the right lessons designated for the part we are requested to play in life. We can remember that no experiences will attract us that are beyond our capabilities to handle.

PEARL S. BUCK wrote, "One faces the future with one's past."

Are you able to recognize situations in your past and mentally correct them now?

- Antestian Newsletter

As The Promises in AA say, "We will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it."

[MajestyJo]

Really like this, if I don't think or I am not aware of my past, I just might continue to act out in my disease. Like the Five As, I need to be aware I have a problem, I have to admit to it, I have to accept it so I can take action to change my attitude, and/or change my attitude so I can take action.

Another thing I found was that I can't base my future on my past, that person isn't any more. In today, I take my God with me.

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[MajestyJo]

We never know what is going to happen each day, we never know what is coming our way, and what we need to handle. Life on life's terms, means stay clean and sober, using the Steps and going to our Higher Power for Good Orderly Direction.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-240x320-babies/0034.gif

[MajestyJo]

This past week to ten days, has been a prime example of this. So grateful my God is Comforter, Creator, Master, Teacher, Counsellor, and all things that I need in today.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-dogs/0214.gif

[MajestyJo]

The only difference between stumbling blocks
and stepping stones is how we use them.

Founds this link, an interesting and informative read.

http://positiveattitude.entireyellowpages.com/51586.php

http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/m/mice/graphics-mice-600419.gif

[MajestyJo]

Hooks which keep you boundary-less in relationships

1. Lack of Individual Identity

Maybe you are hooked by the irrational belief that: "I am a nobody without a somebody in my life." If you are, you maintain no boundaries with your relationship partners because you are very dependent in getting your identity from being with your partners. You are willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationships happen, even if you have to give up your health, money, security, identity, intelligence, spiritual beliefs, family, country, job, community, friends, values, honor and self-respect. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "I am a somebody, just by being who I am. I am OK just the way I am, even if I do not have my relationship partners in my life. My value and worth as a person is not dependent on having one or more significant others in my life. It is better for me to be on my own and healthy than to be with my relationship partners and be sick intellectually, emotionally and/or physically. I will work diligently with my relationship partners to correct this faulty thinking which has made me too dependent. By being more my own person, my relationships will flourish and grow healthier."



2. Scarcity Principle

Maybe you are hooked by the scarcity principle of feeling happiness: "because the current status of our relationship is better than anything we have ever had before." This is a common problem for people recovering from low self-esteem who have faced trials and challenges in relationships in the past. The problem is that the current status of your relationships might be better than what you have experienced in the past, but they might not really be as healthy and intimate as the intimate relationship described earlier. You may be so happy with your relationships' current functioning that you are willing to give all of yourself intellectually, emotionally and physically with no regard for what you need to retain for yourself so that you do not lose your identity in these relationships. You may be in a recovery program like AA, Alanon, NA, CODA, ACOA etc. You may be in a Bible Study Group or some other form of spiritual renewal self-help group. You may have a support system and a plan of recovery for personal and spiritual growth. You may find that in your relationships you have no time to do the "recovery or growth activities" of maintaining contact with your support system, going to 12 Step or other group meetings, or reading recovery literature or scripture. You may find it hard to maintain your new behavioral and emotional commitment to personal and spiritual growth in your relationships. If this is true, then your relationships may not be supportive for your personal and spiritual growth. Your relationshps may not be healthy for you no matter how good they look or how happy you are in them. If in your relationships you have no time to spend with your spouse, children, family or long term friends then it is not healthy no matter how happy you are in it. If in your relationships you have no time, energy or resources to put into your career, education or current job then they are not healthy for you no matter how happy you are in them. If in your relationships you are finding it difficult to maintain your own spirituality and connection with God then they are not healthy no matter how happy you feel in them. Relationships which require that you sacrifice all of you for the sake of the happiness you feel, in them, are not healthy intimate relationships. Healthy intimate relationships allow you to make time, space and allowance for you to focus on yourself, your own needs, your spouse, your children, your family, your friends, your recovery program, your support system, your career, your education, your spiritual beliefs and your personal integrity, individuality and identity. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "I will focus on my needs, my identity, my individuality and my personal integrity in my relationships. I will set aside my time, resources and energy to give to my spouse, my children, my family, my friends, my support system, my recovery program, my spirituality, my career, my education and my community involvement while maintaining healthy intimate relationships with my relationship partners. I will insist that I have the time, resources and energy to focus on all aspects of my life in my relationships. I will not become complacent in my relationships just because there are no conflicts or crisis in them at the time. I will work with my relationship partners to insure that the health of our relationships is ever growing and increasing."



3. Guilt

Maybe you are hooked by irrational guilt that you must think, feel and act in ways to insure that your relationships are preserved, secured and nurtured no matter what personal expense it takes out of you. You feel guilty if the your relationship partners are not succeeding or thriving without your personal resources, energy, money, time and effort going in to making such success happen. You have a problem of feeling over-responsible for the welfare of your relationship partners and cannot allow your partners to accept personal responsibility, to make choices and live with the consequences of these choices. This irrational guilt is a driving motivation to keep you tearing down your boundaries so that you will always be available to your relationship partners at any time, in any place, for whatever reason your relationship partners "need" you. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "My relationship partners and I are responsible for accepting personal responsibility for our own lives and to accept the consequences for the choices we make in taking care of our own lives. I am not responsible for the outcomes which result from the choices and decisions which my relationship partners make. My relationship partners and I are free to make our own decisions with no one forcing us to make bad ones which will result in negative consequences to ourselves if they should occur."



4. Inability to Differentiate Love from Sympathy

Maybe you are hooked by the inability to differentiate the difference between love and sympathy or compassion for your relationship partners. You find yourself feeling sorry for your relationship partners and the warm feelings which this generates makes you think that you are in love with them. The bigger the problems your relationship partners have, the bigger the "love" seems to you. Because the problems can get bigger and more complex, they succeed in hooking you to lower your boundaries so that you begin to give more and more of yourself to your "pitiable" relationship partners out of the "love" you feel. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "It is OK to have sympathy and compassion for my relationship partners, but that does not mean that I have to sacrifice my life to "save" or "rescue" my partners. Sympathy and compassion are emotions I know well and I will work hard to differentiate them from what love is. When I feel sympathy and compassion for my relationship partners, I will remind myself that it is not the same as loving them. The ability to feel sympathy and compassion for another human being is a nice quality of mine and I will be sure to use it in a healthy and non-emotionally hooked way in the future in my relationships."



5. Helplessness and Neediness of Relationship Partners

Maybe you get hooked by the neediness and helplessness of your relationship partners. You find yourself hooked when your partners get into self-pity, "poor me" and "how tough life has been." You find yourself weak when your relationship partners demonstrates an inability to solve personal problems. You find yourself wanting to teach and instruct, when your relationship partners demonstrate or admit ignorance of how to solve problems. You find yourself hooked by verbal and non-verbal cues which cry out to you to "help" your relationship partners even though your partners have the competence to solve the problem on their own. You find yourself feeling warmth, caring and nurturing feelings which help you tear down any shred of boundaries you once had. These sad, weak, distraught, lost, confused and befuddled waifs are so needy that you lose all concept of space and time as you begin to give and give and give. It feels so good. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "No one is helpless without first learning the advantages of being helpless. Helplessness is a learned behavior which is used to manipulate me to give of my resources, energy, time, effort and money to fix. I am a good person if I do not try to fix and take care of my relationship partners when my partners are acting helpless. I cannot establish healthy intimate relationships with my relationship partners if I am trying to fix or take care of them all of the time. I need to put more energy into fixing and taking care of myself if I find myself being hooked by my relationship partners' helplessness."
Continued>>>







11-26-2005, 04:01 AM #2
bluidkiti
Guest


Posts: n/a Re: Hooks which keep you boundary-less in relationships

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6. Need to be Needed

Maybe you get hooked by the sense of being depended upon or needed by your relationship partners. There is no reason to feel responsible for your relationship partners if they let you know that they are dependent upon and need you for their life to be successful and fulfilled. This is over‑dependency and is unhealthy. It is impossible to have healthy intimacy with overdependent people because there is no give and take. Your relationship partners could be parasites sucking you dry of everything you have intellectually, emotionally and physically. You get nothing in return except the "good feelings" of doing something for your relationship partners. You get no real healthy nurturing, rather you feel the weight of your relationship partners on your shoulders, neck and back. You give and give of yourself to address the needs of your relationship partners and you have nothing left to give to yourself. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "It is unhealthy for me to be so overly depended upon by my relationship partners who are adults. There is a need for me to be clear what I am willing and not willing to do for my relationship partners. There is a need for my relationship partners to become more independent from me so that I can maintain my own sense of identity, worth and personhood. It would be better for me to let go of the need to be needed than to allow my relationship partners to continue to have such dependency on me. I am only responsible for taking care of myself. Human adults are responsible to accept personal responsibility for their own lives. Supporting my relationship partners intellectually, emotionally and physically where I have nothing left to give to myself is unhealthy and not required in healthy relationships and I will be ALERT to when I am doing this and try to stop it immediately."



7. Belief that Time will Make it Better

Maybe you get hooked by the belief that: "If I give it enough time things will change to be the way I want them to be." You have waited a long time to have healthy intimate relationships, you rationalize: "Don't give up on them too soon." Since you are not sure how to have them or how they feel, you rationalize that maybe what the relationships need is more time to become more healthy and intimate. You find yourself giving more and more of yourself and waiting longer and longer for something good to happen and yet things never get better. You find that your wait goes from being counted by days, weeks or months to years. Time passes and things really never get better. What keeps hooking you are those fleeting moments when the relationships approximate what you would like them to be. These fleeting moments feel like centuries and they are sufficient to keep you holding on. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "It is unhealthy for me to sacrifice large portions of my life, invested in relationships which are not going anywhere. It is unhealthy for me to hold on to the belief that things will change if they have not in 1 or more years. It is OK to set time limits in my relationships such as: if in 3 months or 6 months things do not get to be intimately healthier then I am getting out of them or we will need to seek professional help to work it out. It is OK to put time demands on my relationships so that I do not waste away my life waiting for something which in all probability will never happen. It is not OK for me to blow out of proportion those fleeting moments in my relationships which make me believe that there is anything more in them than there really is."



8. Belief that It Must be All of My Fault that there are Problems in the Relationships

Maybe you get hooked by the belief that: "If I change myself more things will change to become more like I want them to be in my relationships." You rationalize that maybe the reason things are not getting healthier and more intimate is because you need to change more to be the person your relationship partners wants you to be. You feel blamed and pointed out by your relationship partners as the reason why things are not healthier or more intimate in your relationships. You find yourself having to defend yourself from attacks from your relationship partners for "not being good enough" or "doing enough" to make the relationships work. You find yourself with a mounting list of expectations, duties or responsibilities, given you by your partners, which must be accomplished if the relationships are ever to become what you want them to be. You find yourself needing to change the ways you think, feel, act, dress, talk, look, eat, work, cook, entertain, have fun, socialize, etc before you will be "good enough" for your relationships to work. You find that you will have to basically give up "who you are" for "who your partners want you to be" if the relationships are ever to work. You find yourself hooked by the challenge to change and you find yourself working harder and harder to effect the change. What keeps you hooked is the affirmation and reinforcement you get from your relationship partners when you effect a small change. The only problem is that there is always something else identified which needs to be changed after the last change has been accomplished. You are in a never ending loop of needing to change and unfortunately there never seems to be an end to it. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries for this hook is: "I have to be real to myself and be the person I am rather than to be the person my relationship partners want me to be. It is not healthy for me to give up my personhood and identity to please my partners just to maintain our relationships. I have a right to my own tastes, likes and dislikes, personal style, beliefs, values, attitudes etc. I am in control of my own thinking, feelings and actions. I will not allow my relationship partners to take control of my basic rights."

9. Fear of Negative Outcomes for Relationship Partners

Maybe you get hooked by the fear of the possible negative future outcome if you are not deeply involved in taking care of and fixing your relationship partners. You may be aware of the hooks which keep you boundary-less with your partners. Yet you are afraid to LET GO of the control you have with your relationship partners for fear something very negative might happen to them. Maybe you fear that your relationship partners would become: homeless, hungry, jobless, poor, lonely, scared, go to jail or worse yet die if you do not continue to fix and take care of their needs. This fear of the possible negative future outcomes is so debilitating, that it feels better being sucked dry intellectually, emotionally and physically than to LET GO and watch your relationship partners suffer these feared awful negative outcomes. You find yourself powerless to keep from doing the healthy thing because of the intensity of this fear. You have become a prisoner in the prison of these relationships. You have become a hostage of very powerful, needy, helpless, manipulative "hostage takers." You are a possession of your relationship partners. You find yourself doing all you are asked to insure that these possible negative dreaded outcomes do not happen. You are being emotionally blackmailed and may even have heard threats of suicide if you say you want to change or get out of the relationships the way they are. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "I am only responsible for my life. No one can make me responsible for my relationship partners' lives. I can choose to feel responsible for my relationship partners' lives, but I cannot control or determine the outcome of their lives no matter how hard I try. I am powerless to control other people, places, things and conditions. The only thing I can control is my own thinking, feeling and actions. I need to hand my relationship partners' problems and needs and the outcomes of their lives over to God. I cannot carry my relationship partners' possible negative future outcomes on my body or I will experience failed emotional and physical health. It is OK for me to expect my relationship partners to accept personal responsibility for their own lives. It is OK to require my relationship partners to accept the consequences for their own actions, choices and decisions."



10. Idealism or Fantasy Thinking

Maybe you are hooked by the fantasy or ideal about how it is supposed to be. You have an ideal, dream or image in your mind of how relationships are supposed to be or how they should be and you have a difficult time accepting them the way they really are. You work hard at making your relationships approximate your idealized fantasy. You put a great deal of time, energy and resources into making them become a reality. Unfortunately the more you give and give, the fantasy never becomes the reality you are wishing for. The pull to make the fantasy become real is very powerful. You seem brainwashed into believing that it is possible even though all of your efforts have not made it happen, after years and years of effort on your part. You get hooked by the delusion of the fulfillment of the fantasy and live as if the fantasy has become reality. You are sometimes so out of touch with reality that you appear to be psychotic to others when you discuss your relationships. They know they are not real and in some cases do not even closely approximate what you are saying. You keep pouring your resources, energy and time into empty pits which seem to never get filled. You become obsessed into acting and looking like the fantasy is real. You get hooked into waiting for the "big pay off" down the road if you just stick with your relationships. You remain loyal to the belief that it will happen one day. "Wake up and get off the fantasy train before it runs off the track!" you hear people saying but ignore their warnings and keep blindly on, in search of your quest. The rational message needed to establish healthy boundaries from this hook is: "I must accept reality the way it is rather than how I want it to be. I will give my support system, in my recovery or spiritual renewal program, permission to call me on it if I am hooked into fantasy relationships and lose myself in them. I will work hard to stay reality based and keep myself from losing my objectivity and contact with the way things really are. I will make every effort to accept my relationships the way they are rather than how I want them to be. I am a human and subject to making mistakes and failing and I will forgive myself if I make a mistake in my efforts to establish healthy intimate relationships with my relationship partners. Once I give up the delusion that things are the way they are supposed to be, I will work with my partners to try to correct the problems in our relationships."

Original Source Unknown To Me

===========================

The topic at my meeting today was "Live and let live." I can't live my own life if I don't have boundaries. They get blurred, stepped on, stepped over, and I have to continually reinforce, set, and reinstate them.

Found this on another site, which I had snagged from Tammy's old site.

[MajestyJo]

Each Day a New Beginning

Even though I can't solve your problems, I will be there as your sounding board whenever you need me. --Sandra K. Lamberson

The prize we each have been given is our ability to offer full and interested attention to people seeking our counsel. And seldom does a day pass, that we aren't given the opportunity to listen, to nurture, to offer hope where it's been dashed.

We are not separate, one from another. Interdependence is our blessing; however, we fail to recognize it at our crucial crossroads. Alone we ponder. Around us, others, too, are often suffering in silence. These Steps that guide our lives push us to break the silence. The secrets we keep, keep us from the health we deserve.

Our emotional well-being is enhanced each time we share ourselves - our stories or our attentive ears. We need to be a part of someone else's pain and growth in order to make use of the pain that we have grown beyond. Pain has its purpose in our lives. And in the lives of our friends, too. It's our connection to one another, the bridge that closes the gap.

We dread our pain. We hate the suffering our friends must withstand. But each of us gains when we accept these challenges as our invitations for growth and closeness to others.

Secrets keep us sick. I will listen and share and be well.

We can be there for others. We can't do it for them, we can't fix them, we can't enable them, but we can share our own experience, strength, and hope. We can share what worked for us. That doesn't mean it will work for them, but it breaks the ice or any barrier and allows them to open up and give them the courage to share and recognize the fact that they are not alone. A burden shared is a burden lessened. A secret hidden is a one that festers and grows.

We can only help those who are willing to change. We can't shove the program down their throat, but we can walk our talk and hopefully, they will be attracted to what we have and want it for themselves.

http://s14052.storage.proboards.com/374052/t/9wRUnNhgMmrEz0j2nfqU.gif

[MajestyJo]

Today's thoughts from Hazelden are:

Stop Fixing Others

Dear Higher Power,

When I am overly dependent on others, I try to fix them. I have a real talent in pinpointing what is wrong with other people. But the very thing that enables me to see their defects most often blinds me to the same, sometimes even worse, shortcomings in myself.

Help me stop fretting about others and instead focus on correcting my own character defects.

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

A good reminder, my spiritual adviser said that it was okay to be a caretaker as long as I remembered to take care of me first. I always focused on others so I didn't have to focus on me, although I didn't consciously realize that is what I was doing.

To my way of thinking, they had the problem not me. On close inspection, I was just as sick, if not sicker than the "A" in my life. I was just as addicted to my controlling ways and I used my "A" to escape 'life' the way he used alcohol and drugs. I am powerless over people, places, and things.

[MajestyJo]

GET OUT OF YOURSELF

I've always been a runner trying to run away from life,

Running away from challenges, and any pain or strife.

I'd end up in a brand new town, but wouldn't be there long,

My problems would start up again, because I'd brought myself along.

I'd pack my bags and wander, always searching but never free,

Until one day I realized- the problem was with me.

After all those years of running, with alcohol and pain,

I'd finally hit my bottom, and I KNEW I was insane.

I began to go to meetings; my mind was in a daze,

It didn't really make much sense, but I listened anyway.

So I saved up mental scraps of advice, and put them on a shelf,

Until one day I pulled one out: It read," GET OUT OF YOURSELF"

I thought, "If I keep on thinking about me, I'm going to end up dead.

Maybe for once, what I'll try doing, is think of you instead!

They told me I had to give it away, it's better to give than receive.

You can't keep sobriety all for yourself, and so I began to believe.

So I joined a group and helped set up and stayed around late at the end,

And whenever a newcomer walked through the door, I just tried to be a friend.

This happened a number of years ago, and I hope that I'm here to stay.

And I keep on praying for the grace of God, so that SELF doesn't get in the way.

I'll always be grateful for the scrap of advice at the back of a dusty shelf,

And I'll always remember what the Old Timer said:

"Ye must get out of yourself!"

- from The Five As

[MajestyJo]

November 10, 2005
Smoothing Transitions
10 Steps To Making Change Easier
1. Begin by making small changes or break up large-scale changes into more manageable increments. This can make you feel better about handling the changes you are about to make while making you more comfortable with change in general.

2. Mentally link changes to established daily rituals. This can make changes like taking on a new habit, starting a new job, or adapting to a new home happen much more smoothly. For example, if you want to begin meditating at home, try weaving it into your morning routine.

3. Going with the flow can help you accept change instead of resisting it. If you stay flexible, you will be able to ride out change without too much turbulence.

4. When a change feels most stressful, relief can often be found in finding the good that it brings. An illness, a financial loss, or a broken relationship can seem like the end of the world, yet they also can be blessings in disguise.

5. Remember that all change involves a degree of learning. If you find change particularly stressful, try to keep in mind that after this period of transformation has passed, you will be a wiser person for it.

6. Remember that upheaval and confusion are often natural parts of change. While we can anticipate certain elements that a change might bring, it is impossible to know everything that will happen in advance. Be prepared for unexpected surprises, and the winds of change won't easily knock you over.

7. Don't feel like you have to cope with changing circumstances or the stress of making a change on your own. Talk about what's going on for you with a friend or write about it in a journal. Sharing your feelings can give you a sense of relief while helping you find the strength to carry on.

8. Give yourself time to accept any changes that you face. And as change happens, recognize that you may need time to adjust to your new situation. Allow yourself a period of time to reconcile your feelings. This can make big changes feel less extreme.

9. No matter how large or difficult a change is, you will eventually adapt to these new circumstances. Remember that regardless of how great the change, all the new that it brings will eventually weave itself into the right places in your life.

10. If you're trying to change a pattern of behavior or navigate your way through a life change, don't assume that it has to be easy. Wanting to cry or being moody during a period of change is natural. Then again, don't assume that making a change needs to be hard. Sometimes, changes are meant to be that easy.


What do you think?

Discuss this article and share your opinion

I embrace change in today. I have gone through several transitions in my life. I looked back on my life in recovery, and look at the cycles prior to recovery and what happened at that time. They say we are on a 7 year cycle.

i.e. I had issues at school, 14 was one of the biggest and most difficult times in my life. At 21 I was married, and at 27, I started on my party time and my father said, "You were such a quiet young thing, now you are making up for lost time. I was divorced at 25, and at 26 started dating. At 34, I remarried again to a guy who was more abusive than my first husband was, yet I stayed in that marriage for 7 years. At 41, I was divorced again and made the decision I needed to quit drinking. I didn't know about AA and I ended up substituting with pills. At 48, I was at my rock bottom, moved into the YWCA, what I call the transition, people are coming and going looking for a safe place and a new start. I came into recovery in 49, and worked with the social worker who introduced me to a recovery house and I found AA.

At 7 years sober, I found a new spiritual outlook and found that my God had many plans and good things in mind for me. I got more in touch with myself and it was a real growth period. At 21 years sober, I had to deal with a lot of health issues and found that no matter what, I don't have to use. I had a lot of web sites and I had to over come an addiction to building them. I liked making them but had trouble maintaining them. I ended up deleting them all. They were a great help spiritually for me as recovery friend sent me a lot of material, which I have posted on other people's sites. I had to have a place to put things. I went through a real big grieving process when I deleted them, because MSN closed down their sites and I posted them on another site.

So I am on my third cycle, and I know that my God still has plans for me. I am 73 years old, but as they say, it is only a number and most day I don't feel that old.

My God has been very good to me. He has seen me through a lot of pain. I went back to school and got involved in a lot of service over the years. I have been truly blessed. I am so glad I have this site to come to.

[MajestyJo]

If you are in the center of AA, you won't fall off the edge.

http://www.angelwinks.net/images/friends/friends5.jpg

Directions to AA: Just go straight to hell and make a U-turn.

AA: Being a part of something is more important than being the center of attention.

AA is the only place whre you can walk into a room full of strangers and reminisce.
A.A. Romance......The odds are good......but the goods are odd.

AA: Look for a way in; not for a way out.

AA: We are not reformed drunks, but informed alcoholics.

AA has no fixed address--you can take it with you.

AA: We're here for a reason, not for the season.

AA Groups: An AA group will be judged by the worst behavior of its members.

AA Groups: When you clean up after your group, you leave the signature of AA behind you.

AA is a check-up from the neck up.

Before I came into AA I was dead, but I did not know enough to lie down.

AA is not a sentence, it is a reprieve.

A.A. is a self-help program but you can't do it by yourself.

AA won't keep you from going to hell nor is it a ticket to heaven but it will keep you sober long enough for you to make up your mind which way you want to go!

AA won't open the gates of heaven to let you in, but it will open the gates of hell to let you out.

In AA, there are no losers--just slow winners.

Alcoholic (as defined by self): A piece of crap the universe revolves around.

Alcoholic: Someone who refuses to give up a life of failure without a fight.

Alcoholic: A person who, when s/he goes to a wedding, wants to be the bride; when s/he goes to a funeral, wants to be the corpse.

Alcoholic: An alcoholic is someone who wants to be held while isolating.

Alcoholic: I may not be much, but I'm all I think about.

Alcoholic: If I could drink like a normal drinker, I'd drink all the time!

Alcoholic: If you drank enough to get to AA, you drank enough.

Alcohol: It provokes the desire but takes away the performance.

Only an alcoholic would believe that the solution to loneliness was isolation.

Alcoholics burn their bridges in front of them.

Alcohol: An alcoholic is someone who finds something that works and then stops doing it.

Alcohol: It's not what or how much you drank, it's what it did to you.

Alcohol: What you thought was the solution became the problem.

Alcoholic: Terminal uniqueness!

Alcoholic: They didn't make a glass big enough for me to have one drink.

Alcohol: You will be rich when you know you have enough.

Alcoholic drinking's three stages: impulsive ... compulsive ... repulsive.

Each and every alcoholic ---sober or not--- teaches us some valuable lessons about ourselves and recovery.

An alcoholic alone is slumming.

An alcoholic is not a guy who thinks he's had one too many.

He's usually the guy who thinks he's had one too few.

Every alcoholic's favorite brand: More!

If you think you are an alcoholic, chances are, you are.

Alcoholics heal from the outside in...but feel from the inside out.

The destiny of every alcoholic is to be locked up ... covered up ... or ... sobered up.

An alcoholic is a man with two feet firmly planted in mid-air.

You can carry the message, but not the alcoholic.

You're probably an alcoholic if: You think spilling beer is alcohol abuse.

Alcoholics are in a class by themselves. Everyone else has graduated.

Alcoholics are life-long loners who cannot stand to be alone.

Non-alcoholics change their behavior to meet their goals and alcoholics change their goals to meet their behavior.

Alcoholics aren't afraid to die. They're afraid to live.

Alcoholism: Alcohol went from being my best friend to my worst enemy.

Alcoholism: An alcoholic can be in the gutter, yet still look down on people.

Alcoholism: Guilt of yesterday, fear of tomorrow, shame of today.

Alcoholism: High bottoms have trap doors.

Alcoholism: If the cure works, chances are, you have the disease.

Alcoholism: If you drank long enough to get to an A.A. meeting, you drank long enough.

Alcoholism: Name it, Claim it, Tame it!!!

Alcoholism: Once you are a pickle, you can't be a cucumber. But once you are a pickle, you can be a newcomer.

Alcoholism is an equal opportunity destroyer.

Remember that alcoholism is .. incurable, progressive, and fatal.

Alcoholism: The three most dangerous words for an alcoholic -"I've been thinking"

Alcoholism: We are not bad people becoming good, but sick people becoming well.

Alcoholism: Your bottom just may be six feet under.

Alcoholism: Your disease progresses even when you are not drinking.

Alcoholism doesn't come in bottles; it comes in people.

Alcoholism is a self-diagnosed disease.

Some people think alcoholism is a two-fold disease -- more and right now.

Original source unknown

http://angelwinks.ca/images/singlecard/singlecard64.jpg

Have posted so many, don't know what's where!

[MajestyJo]

90 TOOLS FOR SOBRIETY

1 ) Stay away from that first drink, taking the 1st step daily.
2 ) Attend AA regularly and get involved.
3 ) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME.
4 ) Use the 24 Hour plan.
5 ) Turn your "dis-ease" to a sense of ease. Picture yourself as "recovered."
6 ) Do first things first.
7 ) Don't become too tired.
8 ) Eat at regular hours.
9 ) Use the telephone. (not just after the fact but during too.).
10) Be active - don't just sit around. Idle time will kill you.
11) Use the Serenity Prayer.
12) Change old routines and patterns.
13) Don't become too hungry.
14) Avoid loneliness.
15) Practice control of your anger.
16) Air your resentments.
17) Be willing to help whenever needed.
18) Be good to yourself, you deserve it.
19) Easy does it.
20) Get out of the "IF ONLY" trap.
21) Remind yourself HOW IT WAS. Your last drunk, the feelings etc. Picture better alternatives.
22) Be aware of your emotions. Reason about them.
23) Help another in his/her recovery, extend your hand, listen.
24) Try to turn your life and your will over to your Higher Power.
25) Avoid all mood-altering drugs, read labels on all medicines.
26) Turn loose of old ideas.
27) Avoid drinking situations/occasions.
28) Replace old drinking buddies with new AA buddies.
29) Read the Big Book.
30) Try not to be dependent on another (sick relationships). Be independent or inter-dependent.
31) Be grateful, and when you're not, make a GRATITUDE list.
32) Get off the "Pity Pot"...the only thing you'll get is a ring
around your bottom if you don't.
33) Seek knowledgeable help when troubled and or otherwise.
34) Face it! You are in control of your destiny.
35) Try the 12 and 12, not just 1 and 12 or 1, 12 and 13!
36) Let go and Let God.
37) Use the "God box." (Write down your worries and problems. Put them in the God box. Once you've done so, you can no longer think about them for that day. Use God's answers: yes, no, or wait, I have something better in store for you. Don't forget to say thanks.
38) Find courage to change through the example of others who have.
39) Don't try to test your will power. When in doubt, DON'T. (Or don't, yet.)
40) Live TODAY, not YESTERDAY, not TOMORROW - projection is planning
the results before anything even happens.
41) Avoid emotional involvements the first year - you end up putting
the other person first and lose sight of "your" program.
42) Remember, YOU ARE NOT YOUR DIS-EASE. So, take it easy on yourself.
43) Rejoice in the manageability of your new life.
44) Be humble--Humility is not in thinking of yourself more, but in
thinking more of yourself less often. Watch the ego.
45) Share your experience, strength and hope as much as possible and as creatively as possible.
46) Cherish your recovery.
47) Dump your garbage regularly - GIGO = Garbage In Garbage Out.
48) Get plenty of "restful" sleep.
49) Stay sober for you - not someone else - otherwise it won't work.
50) Practice rigorous honesty with yourself and others.
51) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME, not 10 years in one day!
55) Make no major decisions the first year.
56) Get a sponsor and use him/her.
57) Know that no matter what your problems, someone's had them before.
Don't be afraid to share, as a problem shared is one 1/2 solved.
58) Strive for progress not perfection.
59) When in doubt ask questions. The only stupid question is the one
not asked.
60) Use prayer and meditation.
61) Maintain a balance: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental.
62) Don't use other substances as a maintenance program.
63) Learn to take spot check inventories.
64) Watch out for the RED FLAGS ... things that give excuses for poor
behavior and inevitable relapse.
65) Know that its okay to be human ... just don't drink over it.
66) Be kind to yourself; it's about time, don't you think?
67) Don't take yourself so seriously - take the dis-ease seriously!
68) Know that whatever it is that's causing pain - it shall pass.
69) Stay as far away from the DRY DRUNK SYNDROME as humanly possible.
70) Don't give away more than you can afford oo, your sobriety comes
first and must be the number 1 priority. Protect it at all costs.
71) Take down those bricks from the wall around you; you'll be able to
see the daylight better. Let people know who you are.
72) Get a home group and attend it regularly.
73) Know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming
train, but actually a ray of hope. Drop the negativity.
74) Know that you are not alone, that's why the "We" is in the steps.
75) Be willing to go to any lengths to stay and be sober.
76) Know that no matter how bleak and dark your past may be, your
future is clean, bright and clear if you don't drink today.
77) Stay out of your own way.
78) Don't be in a hurry--remember "TIME = Things I Must Earn".
79) Watch the EGO. "EGO = Ease God Out".
80) Protect your sobriety at all costs. Keep the light on you.
81) Learn to listen, not just hear. Be open-minded and nonjudgmental.
82) Know that if your insides match your outsides, everyone looks good.
83) If the rest of the world looks bad, check yourself out first.
84) Gratitude is in the attitude.
85) When all else fails ... punt! Up the number of meetings!!!
86) Remember FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL!
87) If they knew better, they'd do better. Think about letting things go.
88) Handle what you can and leave the rest, don't overtax yourself.
You can only accomplish so much in a given 24 hours.
89) Honesty and consistency are key factors in recovery.
90) Let the little kid in you out - learn how to laugh from the gut.

-adapted from ideas by Bob

This is posted in another section, but just in case you missed it!

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[MajestyJo]

Relapse Checklist

The following is a checklist of symptoms leading to relapse
(taken from a Hazeldon Foundation pamphlet called, "A Look at Relapse"

1. EXHAUSTION - Allowing yourself to become overly tired
or in poor health. Some Alcoholics are also prone to work
addictions - perhaps in a hurry to make up for lost time.
Good health and enough rest are important. If you feel well you
are more apt to think well. Feel poorly and your thinking
is apt to deteriorate. Feel bad enough and you might begin
thinking a drink couldn't make it any worse.

2. DISHONESTY - This begins with a pattern of unnecessary
little lies and deceits with fellow workers, friends, and
family. Then come important lies to yourself. This is
called "rationalizing" - making excuses for not doing what you
don't want to do, or for doing what you know you should not do.

3. IMPATIENCE - Things are not happening fast enough. Or,
others are not doing what they should or what you want them to
do.

4. ARGUMENTATIVENESS - Arguing small and ridiculous
points of view indicates a need to always be right. "Why
don't you be reasonable and agree with me?" Looking for an
excuse to drink?

5. DEPRESSION - Unreasonable and unaccountable despair may
occur in cycles and should be dealt with - talked about.

6. FRUSTRATION - At people and also because things may not be
going your way. Remember -- everything is not going to be just the
way you want it to be.

7. SELF-PITY - "Why do these things happen to me?" "Why
must I be an alcoholic?" Nobody appreciates all I am
doing - for them?

8. thingyINESS - Got it made - no longer fear alcoholism -
going into drinking situations to prove to others you have no
problem. Do this often enough and it will wear down your
defenses.

9. COMPLACENCY - "Drinking was the furthest thing from my
mind." Not drinking was no longer a conscious thought,
either. It is dangerous to let up on disciplines just because
everything is going well. Always to have a little fear is a good thing.
More relapses occur when things are going well than otherwise.

10. EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM OTHERS - "I've changed; why
hasn't everyone else?" It's a plus if they do, but it is still
your problem if they do not. They may not trust you yet, may
still be looking for further proof. You cannot expect others
to change their style of life just because you have.

11. LETTING UP ON DISCIPLINES - Prayer, meditation, daily
inventory, AA attendance. This can stem either from complacency or
boredom. You cannot afford to be bored with your program. The cost of
relapse is always too great.

12. USE OF MOOD-ALTERING CHEMICALS - You may feel the
need to ease things with a pill, and your doctor may go
along with you. You may never have had a problem with chemicals
other than alcohol, but you can easily lose sobriety starting
this way - about the most subtle way of having a relapse.
Remember you will be cheating! The reverse of his is true for
drug-dependent persons who start to drink.

13. WANTING TOO MUCH - Do not set goals you cannot reach with
normal effort. Do not expect too much. It's always great when good
things you were not expecting happen. You will get what you are entitled
to as long as you do your best, but maybe not as soon as you think you
should. "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you
have."

14. FORGETTING GRATITUDE - You may be looking negatively on your
life, concentrating on problems that still are not totally corrected. Nobody
wants to be a Pollyanna - but it is good to remember where you started
from, and how much better life is now.

15. "IT CAN'T HAPPEN TO ME" - This is dangerous thinking.
Almost anything can happen to you if you get careless.
Remember you have a progressive disease, and you will be in
worse shape if you relapse.

16. OMNIPOTENCE - This is a feeling that results from a
combination of many of the above. You now have all the
answers for yourself and others. No one can tell you anything.
You ignore suggestions or advice from others. Relapse is
probably imminent unless drastic change takes place.

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[MajestyJo]

~ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ~

I came to a meeting, all sad and alone,
So sick and tired, of the life I had known,

...Aching and dying, deep down inside,...
And feeling the pain, from the things i must hide.

They told me they loved me, and were glad I was there,
Who are these people, and why should they care?

But the more that I listened, the more I could see,
This room full of addicts, were just like me.

I started to share, trying hard not to cry,
and I no longer felt like I wanted to die.

I wanted to live, but hadn't a clue,
Of what to say, feel, or do.

These people were clean, and would show me the way,
So i listened some more, to what they had to say,

They spoke of a God, and "just for one day"
So I thought, "What the hell," and I started to pray.

They said "get a sponsor," and "keep coming back".
they said a program was all I did lack.

They said "Work the steps, or your going to die".
So I got me a sponsor and i started to try.

I shared with my sponsor who I had become,
The people I had hurt, the things I had done,

He told me he loved me, and then shared with me,
The things he had done, and who he used to be.

That's when i knew, and could finally see,
That if i worked the steps, that I too could be free.

Free from drugs, and feeling that way,
Free from obsession, just for today

So I listen to what you have to share,
Tell you I love You, let you know that i care,

Let you know I have found, a much better way,
Its working a program, we call N.A.

It's sharing my experience, strength, and hope as I trudge,
Its living a life, and not holding a grudge.

It's sharing with newcomers, as they wonder in,
And as they start to listen, they know they can win.

If we all really listen, to what's being said,
The thing's that they shared, the book that is read.

If we listen and learn, we will surely see,
How truly delightful recovery can be.

Anonymous

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[MajestyJo]

HOW TO JEOPRODIZE YOUR RECOVERY:

ARGUMENTATIVENESS:
Arguing small, ridiculous points of view, looking for excuses to get angry.

CHEMICALS:
Using pills to ease tension.

thingyINESS:
Think you have it made, forgetting to guard against the things that lead to emotional problems.

COMPLACENCY:
Letting up on disciplines, getting lazy on recovery.

DEPRESSION:
Unreasonable despair, staying stuck, giving up.

DISHONESTY:
Little lies, deceits and making excuses.

EXHAUSTION:
Becoming overly tired, being a workaholic. If you don't feel well physically, your thinking is apt to deteriorate.

EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM OTHERS:
Expecting others to follow your script and to change because you have changed.

FORGETTING GRATITUDE:
Forgetting how things have improved since you first started.

FRUSTRATION:
When things are not going your way.

IMPATIENCE:
Things are not happening fast enough, others not doing what you think they should do when you think they should do it.

SELF PITY:
Why do these things happen to me? Why do I have these problems?

SKIPPING THE BASICS:
Meetings, Fellowship, Meditation, Prayer, Personal Inventory.

OMNIPOTENCE:
Thinking you are all powerful, that you have everything under "CONTROL" ignoring suggestions and advice, having all the answers.

WANTING TOO MUCH:
Expecting recovery overnight, over-emphasizing the material things, concentrating on not having what you want rather than concentrating on wanting what you have.

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[MajestyJo]

THINGS THAT CAN STAND IN THE WAY OF YOUR RECOVERY

D.E.N.I.A.L. - Don't Even Notice I Am Lying

Lips are moving, we're off and running.
Ever told a story, joke or lie so many times that even you believe it's true?

H.O.W. - Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness
This ones for you, Dad! Hope you like it.

S.L.I.P. - Sobriety Lost It's Priority / So Long, I'm Perfect
If you don't want to slip, stay out of slippery places!

B.I.B.L.E. - Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth
Take it as you will.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.
My Way - No, My Way! - No My Way!

You're as sick as your secrets.
Most of the time, folks see it, know it, or feel it in some way or another, anyway. Get it?

S.O.B.E.R. - Son Of a !!!!!, Everything's Real
WOW! Life happens at the funniest times!

F.I.N.E.
[I'm] Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional

F.E.A.R.
Face Everything And Recover

N.U.T.S.
Not Using The Steps

E.G.O.
Edging God Out

D.E.N.I.A.L.
Don't Even Notice I Am Lying

H.A.L.T.
[Don't get too] Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

H.O.P.E.
Happy Our Program Exists

H.O.W.
Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness

G.O.D.
Good Orderly Direction

B.I.G. B.O.O.K.
Believing In God Beats Our Old Knowledge

S.L.I.P.
Sobriety Losing Its Priority

A.C.T.I.O.N.
Any Change To Improve Our Nature

P.R.O.G.R.A.M.
People Relying On God Relaying A Message

S.T.E.P.S.
Solutions To Every Problem Sober

K.I.S.S.
Keep It Simple, Sweetheart

Seven missed meetings makes one weak.

HALT: Don't get
too Hungry,
too Angry,
too Lonely, or
too Tired!!

If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got.
or
If you keep doin' what your doin'
you'll keep gettin' what your gettin'

A.B.C. - Acceptance, Belief, Change

A.C.T.I.O.N. - Any Change Toward Improving One’s Nature

E.G.O. - Edging God Out

F.A.I.L.U.R.E. - Fearful, Arrogant, Insecure, Lonely, Unsure, Resentful, Empty

F.E.A.R. - Face Everything & Recover /False Expectations Appearing Real

G.O.D. - Good Orderly Direction

H.A.L.T. - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

H.E.L.P. - Hope, Encouragement, Love, Patience

T.I.M.E. - Things I Must Learn

Progress not perfection.

Change the things I can.

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[MajestyJo]

AA slogans, sayings, and assorted inspirations

The steps keep us from suicide; the traditions keep us from homicide.

The only thing alcoholics do in moderation is the 12 steps!

The elevator is broken - take the steps!

Step 13: My life is unmanageable, and I want to share it with you.

It's alcohol-ism, not -wasm.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Gossip hurts - and sometimes kills.

Pain is necessary, suffering is optional!

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got.

Some things have to be believed to be seen.

Feelings aren't facts!!!

In AA, first we remove the anesthesia, then we operate.

Fellowship is the meeting after the meeting.

Let us love you until you learn to love yourself.

Isolation is the dark room where we develop our 'negatives'.

Compare and despair.

Don't compare you insides to other people's outsides.

Let go or get dragged.

If your spinning your wheels, try getting out of the driver's seat.

If your a$$ falls off, pick it up, put it in a paper bag, and carry it to a meeting.

Remember the cost of your last drink or drug when observing the 7th tradition.

Take an action, then let go of the results.

Carry the message, not the mess.

Don't tease your disease.

It's the first car of a train that kills you, not the caboose.

Relapse is NOT a requirement.

Relapse begins long before you pick up the drink/drug.

If you hang around a barbershop long enough, eventually you'll get a haircut.

Those who matter, don't mind; those who mind, don't matter.

Expectations are preconceived resentments.

Serenity isn't freedom from the storm; it is peace within the storm.

Don't speak unless you can improve on silence.

You don't need to "find God"; He isn't lost.

Tell it to your sponsor, or you will be telling it to a bartender.

Surrendering means you don't have to fight any more.

Surrender Dorothy!

I didn't use drugs, drugs used me.

You can be just a crazy sober as you were drunk, you'll just remember it the next day.

AA Sayings - The Complete? List - "Easy Does It", "Keep it Simple Stupid", and many more.

SPONSOR: Sober Person Offering Newcomers Suggestions On Recovery

Original Source Unknown

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[MajestyJo]

These may be posted in other sections of the site. Putting them all together and posting them as they are good things to remember during the holidays.

The Twelve Steps and Traditions, which originated with AA, is applicable to all areas of our life.

I do have a disease, an allergy. I don't metabolize alcohol and drugs the way normal people do. I have a obsessive/compulsive disorder.

www.anxietybc.com/resources/ocd.php

http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org...-a-disease.htm

blogs.plos.org/mindthebrain/2...brain-disease/

All of my life, I looked out side of myself for some person, place or thing to make me feel better. I had to find that happiness and love from within myself.

Many people can't see addiction as a disease. It is a mental obsession and a physical allergy, and we don't metabolize things as others do. We can't do it ourselves, people can't figure out why you just can't stop and say "No!"

I was at dis-ease within myself, and I looked out of myself for many years. What I had to do was go within and find my true self and connect with the God of my understanding.
Step Three asks us to listen for the quiet and in the stillness hear the direction our Higher Power has for us today. When we pray, we need to find that quiet to hear the answers. When my mind is busy, all I can hear is my own chatter and endless obsessing about what I want and what I think I need. I need to get out of my own way so the voice of reason can shine through.

Conscious contact can be as simple as doing the do things you need to do in today.

Meditating with God and Creation is a sure way for me to be balanced, grounded and connected to the God of my understanding.

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[MajestyJo]

In God's Care

Do not be unnaturally humble. The thought of your mind, perchance, is the thought of God. To refuse to follow that may be to disown God. -Frederick William Robertson

How often has a thought that was strangely appealing entered our mind, but we dismissed it? It might have been an impulse to compliment someone. Or, spotting a glum - looking friend, we may have wanted to ask if we could help. How often have we stifled such thoughts for fear our words might be taken amiss? After all, we remind ourselves, we aren't God.

But we don't have to be God to have Godly thoughts. When we won't believe that we are in tune with our Higher Power, aren't we saying that God can't communicate with us? Aren't we putting a limit on God's power? Whenever we ask for God's help, our mind is at one with God. And whenever we feel out of sync with God, we need only change our mind. We know when we are not thinking Godly thoughts. And we know when we are.

My mind can be at one with God. Today I will give my thoughts to God.


In have this book, but have misplaced it. I think it is packed somewhere in a box, I must dig it out.

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[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book
Each Day a New Beginning.

Many of us achieve only the semblance of communication with others; what we say is often not contingent on what the other has just said, and neither of us is aware that we are not communicating.
--Desy Safn-Gerard

When we don't listen fully to each other, when we don't revere the Spirit within others that's trying to talk to us, we destroy the connection that wants to be made between our Spirits. Our inner selves have messages to give and messages to receive for the good of all. Our ego selves often keep us from hearing the very words that would unravel a problem in our lives.

How hard it is, how often, to be still and to fully listen to the words, rather than the person. How much more familiar it is to filter the message with our own ongoing inner dialogue--our own ongoing continual assessment of another's personhood at the very time our higher power is trying to reach us through them.

There really are no wasted words. Messages are everywhere. We can learn to listen.

I will hear just what I need to hear today. I will open myself fully to the words.

So many people get caught up and just because they are use to slogans or sayings, I think they turn them out as being old news, not realizing that in today, they can take on all new meaning in the context shared.

I use to get so annoyed when this one fellow shared because he always repeated the same thing. "Take the cotton batten out of your ears and put it in your mouth!" It was this same man who made the statement, "If you have to control it, it is out of control." This was the phrase that gave me a big spiritual awareness, and if I had tuned him out, I would not have stayed sick in my blindness.

We keep thinking we have heard it all, but in reality, how much have we actually 'heard' and more importantly how much did we take to heart and apply to our lives. Words mean nothing if they aren't taken from the pages and transferred to our thoughts in today.

As the reading says, our ego gets in the way and we 'think' we have heard it all before, yet all we do is go through the motions, shut down, shut off, and wonder why we stay sick and don't grow in the Fellowship of the Spirit.

As I like to say, take the words off the pages of your book and your screen, what ever source it might be, and apply them to your life. To know them is one thing, to live them is another.

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[MajestyJo]

The paradox of life's journey

"It is only when we realize that life is taking us nowhere that it begins to have meaning."

-- P.D. Ouspensky

"All major mystical traditions have recognized that there is a paradox at the heart of the journey of return to Origin. ...Put simply, this is that we are already what we seek, and that what we are looking for on the Path with such an intensity of striving and passion and discipline is already within and around us at all moments. The journey and all its different ordeals are all emanations of the One Spirit that is manifesting everything in all dimensions; every rung of the ladder we climb toward final awareness is made of the divine stuff of awareness itself; Divine Consciousness is at once creating and manifesting all things and acting in and as all things in various states of self-disguise throughout all the different levels and dimensions of the universe."

-- Andrew Harvey

"Look at you, you madman, Screaming you are thirsty And are dying in a desert When all around you there is nothing but water!"

-- Kabir

"After changes upon changes, we are more or less the same."

--Paul Simon

Higher Awareness - used with permission

Many times, I think we fight this program. As the saying goes, "It is a simple program for people who like to complicate the heck out of it.

For me it is this, "Quit looking outward, take the journey inward."

We make changes in our life. Yet in truth those changes bring us back to our true essence.

For so many years, I was focused on others and I took on their 'stuff' and in recovery, it is about letting it go and finding me. As Melody Beattie puts it in one of her books, "Finding My Way Home."

We can't see the forest for the trees as they say. How can we know what we haven't been taught. How can we learn to press the delete button instead of replay on those old tapes. How can we learn to make new tapes to replace the old ones. I had to learn that it was my finger on the 'play' button, so it was up to me to change.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/iq/qcchickspatience.jpg

[MajestyJo]

LOVE YOURSELF

If you don't believe that you are wonderful in every way, you are living a lie. If you have let people talk you into thinking you're inadequate, less than perfect, unworthy, stupid, weak or ugly, or if you have talked yourself into this then you are living a lie. When we find ourselves thinking in terms of lack, limitation or disease, lets look and see where that came from and reject the lies about us. The ability to love someone else starts with ourselves. We must have a high enough level of self esteem so that we automatically love others. When we get mental and emotional barriers out of the way, we see that love is already inside of us.

Negativity like fear, guilt, shame, criticism, sarcasm and judgment may be blocking us from loving completely. Rumi said, "You were born with potential, you were born with goodness and truth, you were born with ideals and dreams."

- author unknown to me

It was a process. The people in the rooms of recovery loved me back to good health. It took a lot of work and the application of the program to learn to like myself, let alone love myself.

I went to a lot of meetings and in Al-Anon they said, "Love yourself as we already love you." I went to AA, NA, Al-Anon, CA, and ACoA meetings in recovery. I never did Cocaine and Crack, but my son has. My "C" words were Computer, Caffeine, Control, and Calories.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/iq/qc2bears272.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Learn the Power of Respect

I watched as my journey unfolded this spring. Each place I visited gave me a lesson. People would show up at the right time and place with exactly the words I needed to hear. Sometimes the lesson would be announced loudly, clearly. Sometimes an awareness would surface softly when I least expected it, when I was beginning to wonder if any lesson or purpose was there at all. Everything I saw and experienced ultimately reinforced my trust in God, the universe, and the power of my heart to lead me on. After all, I had taken this trip on just a moment's notice with no itinerary, and a magical adventure had unfolded. By the time the journey ended and I pulled into the driveway at home, I had learned more than just to trust the process, I had learned to respect it.

Do more than trust the process, the journey you're on. Become so awestruck by it that you respect it,too. Respect your feelings and the timely manner in which they surface, heal, and lead you into new discoveries. Respect your experiences, the places you've been, the scenarios you've been through. Respect the way you've gained gold and jewels, the treasures of the soul, from each one.

Respect the darker moments, the more difficult times when you're uncertain and don't know what to do next. Respect the timing as your life and journey unfolds. Don't murmur about why such and such has to be the way it is. Don't limit how your growth can happen.

Learn to respect the path of others. Learn to respect your own.

- Journey to the Heart

Posted on another site in June 2011

One thing I have learned on my recovery journey, is that it has to begin with me. If I want respect, I have to respect myself. It is important also to respect myself for who I am. I am not my disease.

The selfish, self-centeredness of my disease tells me it is all about me. Yet this program say, I have to give it away in order to keep it. I had to change the old ways of thinking and attitude to in order to give to someone else, I had to find it within myself in order to give it away.

Respect things as they are not as I would have them be. There is positive and negative in all situations. Focusing on one and ignoring the other, doesn't allow for the healing process to begin.

Respect yourself. Know that you are worthy of recovery.

[MajestyJo]

I have to respect others for where they are in their recovery. This isn't a race ro run. It is not something that has to be done in order, although it is best to work the Steps in order, there is no order to our defects and the process of putting our life back in order.

I got really angry when I found out that two sisters from my group read Codependent No More and didn't tell me about it. I didn't find the book until I was 5 years sober. I came to realize that I was probably not ready then and if it was meant to be, it would have happened. When I finally did find it, I ran to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. I hadn't been for a while.

I also have to respect the word of those who went before me. I may not always agree with it. I sure am grateful for it though.

Posted by me on another site in 2011

So grateful for the lessons learned along the way and for the people who shared their recovery with me.

How can I expect others to respect me, if I don't respect myself.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/iq/qcsmilingflowers1.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Taken from the "Hazelden Collection" of the Author of "Each Day a New Begining"

November 3rd:

I honor every woman who has strength enough to step out of the beaten path when she feels that her walk lies in another, strength enough to stand up and be laughed at, if necessary.

It’s never been easy for women to dare to be different . The messages that surround us seldom encourage us to pursue unconventional passions. Fortunately, we who are on this recovery journey get personal guidance from our Higher Power and our sponsors as we pursue the opportunities that beckon to us along new paths. We know, perhaps better than most, that we’ll be protected and directed each step of the way.

We gathered to make this journey together. We have needed each other all along; now we have each other every step of the way. We will find the strength we need from one another. We will joyfully follow our passions and find the happiness we deserve.

I am on my way to fulfillment. Even when my path veers away from others, I’m in the company of my Higher Power and my friends.

We can do what I can't do alone. For so many years, thought I was that all powerful woman who could do it all. I suffered burnout, fatigue and wore myself out trying to be the be all and end all of everyone's life and missing out on my own.

I didn't know that I had to surrender to win. When I surrendered, I was empowered to do what I needed to do each day.

The following came from one of my sites Star Choices.

www.cryofthespirit.com/Purpose.swf

[MajestyJo]

So often I had this emptyness and didn`t know what was wrong. I didn`t know that I had to fill up on spiritual things. I had a fear of quitting smoking and gaining weight. Instead of eating food and sweets, I used crystals and went to NA, because there was no Nicotine Anonymous. I ended up losing 3 lbs. instead of gaining 30. If I had eaten every time I had an emotion when I quit smoking, I would have been as big as a house. I wouldn`t have liked myself and would have started smoking again.

I could quit smoking for health reasons, I did it because I wanted to be a clean, clear channel to carry the message of recovery.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_H1S59SDrlYQ/S8g9nQpPobI/AAAAAAAAMgY/yrlP5fOQ23E/s400/Eeyore_play_with_tail_good_morning.gif

[MajestyJo]

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May 29, 2005 at 1:52pm QuotelikePost Options Post by on May 29, 2005 at 1:52pm
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.


Powerlessness and Unmanageability

Willpower is not the key to the way of life we are seeking. Surrender is.

I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something they arent, dont want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process, said one recovering woman.

I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didnt love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to make him stop drinking.

I have spent years trying to make emotionally unavailable people be emotionally present for me.

I have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy. What Im saying is this: Ive spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when I couldnt. Its been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. Wont work!

By surrendering to powerlessness, I gain the presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which I cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible: being who I am, loving myself, feeling what I feel, and doing what I want to do with my life.

In recovery, we learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.

Today, I will accept powerlessness where I have no power to change things, and Ill allow my life to become manageable.

From 2005 on another site.

I had to substitute the word control for power. Control is an illusion. I don't have the power to change unless I surrender to a Higher Power, who empowers me.

When I try to manage my life, it becomes unmanageable. All the bargaining I did, robbing Peter to pay Paul, moving from one place to another, and the list goes on and on.
http://www.e-monsite.com/michellehautmont/pour-poeme-teddy-3vd6z.gif

[MajestyJo]

"First Things First"

This slogan, “First Things First” helps us to set reasonable
priorities and to keep a realistic perspective. This slogan
helps us to make choices we are comfortable with, and to
act with balance rather than react to crises.

Many of our confusions and frustrations are due to our
failure to deal with tasks and problems in the order of
their importance. It does take discipline to put aside the
things we'd rather do, and attend to those of first
importance FIRST. But the rewards are great: we get
things done, we enjoy a sense of accomplishment, and
we learn to face issues with a real sense of value and
purpose.

One Day At A Time

The slogan, “One Day At A Time” provides a practical approach
to challenges and fears. We focus our energies on dealing
productively with today, and we give up worrying about a future
we can not predict or control and about a past we cannot change.
It helps us break overwhelming tasks into manageable steps.

I will keep always in mind that today is my sole concern, and that
I will make it as good a day as I can. This one small span of time
is mine, and I will use it to do the things that need doing, and
have a little time over for enjoyment and reflection.

Keep An Open Mind

The slogan, “Keep An Open Mind” helps us to be open to ideas from
sources that we might not have imagined could be helpful. It helps us
to take advantage of all opportunities. As I grow, I continue to learn
and to unlearn, replacing old ideas with new ones and reclaiming
others that had been cast aside. If I don't get too attached to any
one way to approach life, I adjust to change with a lot less stress
and strain.

Keep An Open Mind

The slogan, “Keep An Open Mind” helps us to be open to ideas from
sources that we might not have imagined could be helpful. It helps us
to take advantage of all opportunities. As I grow, I continue to learn
and to unlearn, replacing old ideas with new ones and reclaiming
others that had been cast aside. If I don't get too attached to any
one way to approach life, I adjust to change with a lot less stress
and strain.

Slogans, I look at as "Mini-Steps" words that lead me on the path to recovery. Words that stick in my mind and when I come to a rough patch, they carry me through.

For me lately, "First things first." Without my sobriety, I have nothing.

Remember when, not only the time before recovery, but the time in early recovery.

One day at a time. One day's feelings, thoughts, actions, ideas, trauma, etc., just for today, I choose not to use. A day can start any tim

[MajestyJo]

"This Too Shall Pass"

Have you ever felt like things just aren’t going your way?
Sometimes just moments. Other times, maybe days……
And you have to somehow deal with these moments before
your life can move on. Whatever the crisis is at the moment,
eventually it will go away, time heals all things. This saying
reminds me of another, “God Never Gives Us More Than
We Can Handle.”…..

Easy Does It But Do It

We can't rush recovery. Insights and serenity come in their
own due time. The Steps make sense when we work them
carefully and methodically. Easy does it, reminds us to be gentle
with ourselves and not take on more than we can handle. We
need to try to approach life in a relaxed manner while taking
responsibility for living in the solution. Things if life have a way
of unfolding slowly when we are willing and patient.

But For The Grace Of God

“But For The Grace Of God” is one of my favorite slogans.
It helps to remind me to be more compassionate with my
addicted loved ones. This slogan can help all of us avoid
getting so impatient, criticizing, resentful and vindictive,
which would hurt us as well as to others.

But for the Grace of God, we might have been
afflicted by this sickness. But for the Grace of God
is a slogan about gratitude and being thankful.

God cares, but cannot move through a hardened heart. ...

Keep It Simple

The slogan, “Keep It Simple” helps to remind us that simple
solutions are often the most effective ones. This slogan can
help us look at what really is happening rather than what we
imagine may happen, and to take a reasonable, step by step
approach rather than act out of fear or panic.

LIVE AND LET LIVE

The slogan "Live And Let Live", speaks of our relationships
not only with our addicted loved one's but others as well.
This is a reminder that most of us need--often. Our only
concern should be our own conduct, our own improvement,
our own lives. We are entitled to our own view of things,
but we have no right to inflict it on anyone else. Tolerance
can add to the quality of our daily lives, resentments and
self-pity diminishes our capacity to live a happy life.

Let Go And Let God

The slogan, “Let Go And Let God” helps us to let go of trying to
control things we can not control. When our attempts at control
are not working, when we feel we have run out of options, when
we don’t know what we can do, this slogan helps us trust that a
Power greater than ourselves will help us when the time is right.

I can't, God can! Always something I need to remember.

Just For Today

The slogan, “Just For Today” tells us that things are more
manageable when we deal with and live in the present.
Things that seem way too difficult to manage long term
may seem more manageable if we deal with them just for
today. We can move forward in small steps rather than be
overwhelmed by trying to change everything at one time.

"Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be
afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I
give to the world, so the world will give to me." __Al-Anon

HESITATE AND MEDITATE! A long time ago I was told this was a Canadian thing and a friend had never heard it in the states.

This was a slogan that helped me to take my foot out of my mouth and prevented me from putting the other one in!

All my life it seemed like I was on defensive mode and when I was angry or felt threatened, I hit out and pushed everyone away. Before I acted on those old feelings and acted out those old behaviours, the program gave me the tools to stop and think about what I was doing and ask myself whether I wanted to change or continue doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

This went along with STOP, LOOK, AND LISTEN!

[MajestyJo]

God would give me just enough light for the step I am on...that I would learn to walk by faith.


I read this quote on another site. I had never heard it put this way before. I found it to be very empowering. When I am stuck, I know I can surrender in the moment, accept what is in the moment, and ask for help and it will be given to me.

It is my personal belief that the Light comes in at the point of surrender. I can't, God can, and I have to ask for His help. I have to follow it up with action.

Surrender is a Principle of Step One for me. God brought me here, and gives me the tools to stay here, one day at a time.

It goes hand in hand with honesty and acceptance.


"Step One is the base of the pyramid of the rest of the alcoholic's life" - unknown


Surrender doesn't mean giving up and failure. It is giving over to our Higher Power and working and applying the spiritual principles of the Steps, Traditions, and Concept into our lives. A good reminder that this is a spiritual program, not a religious one. The program makes room for ALL religions to recover.

Principles of the Twelve Steps
1. Honesty2. Hope3. Faith4. Courage5. Integrity6. Willingness7. Humility8. Brotherly Love9. Self Discipline10. Perseverance11. Ever Presence of God12. Service to Fellowman,
Principles of the Twelve Traditions
1. Unity2. Direction3. Recovery4. Understanding5. Sharing6. Simplicity7. Independence8. Selflessness9. Service10. Survival11. Self Reliance12. Humility
Principles of the Twelve Concepts
1. Responsibility2. Reliance3. Trust4. Participation5. Democracy6. Accountability7. Balance8. Consistency9. Vision10. Clarity11. Respect12. Spirituality

[MajestyJo]

"Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

- Veronica A. Shoffstall

For so many years, I lived my life through others. I always put my son first, even in recovery, most times I did things with him in mind.

I remember being asked "What makes you happy?" the first week of treatment in November 1991. I didn't have a clue? I later achieved things that I thought I wanted or needed, only to find that they were not me, but projections from others that I had taken on.

That has been part of my recovery journey, what makes me happy? What do I need for my health and well being in today. In order to give, I had to learn to receive. I had never been open, to accepting and it was difficult to take out the "I" and turn it into a "We" and remember to always be grateful for what I had.

I didn't like myself let alone love myself. It has been an up and down path over the last 20+ years.

When we put our life on hold waiting for others, nothing changes for myself or the other person. I believe in miracles, I am one.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/animatedpod/animatedpod1125.gif

[dwmoeller]

I remember being asked, " List positive things about yourself" in the first week of my treatment. I broke down and cried because I could think of one positive thing. I've come a long ways from that day...I'm still a work in progress. I started to plant my garden and decorate my soul. I have to get in there and continually do some weeding in order for my garden to grow.

[MajestyJo]

Thanks for sharing, can so identify. I had a list of all negative things in my inventory and then my sponsor said, "Now go and balance it out by finding the positive things about yourself.

We are works in progress. I know that some days, I work my program a little better than I did the day before and then the next day, no so much.

http://i1068.photobucket.com/albums/u457/searchq7/youareamiracle.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Fear is a big one. My whole life seemed to be fear based and I didn't know that I could do anything about it. Fearful of others, fear of others, fearful for myself, fear of myself, which ever way you looked at it, it kept me a prisoner of my own mind for many years. I didn't need steel bars, my fears and phobias kept me locked into a world that was very dark and at times there didn't seem to be much light.

I need to remember that fear and faith can't occupy the same space and that faith unlocks the door. There is a hymn call that and I remember the Blackwood Brothers singing it.

https://www.chess.com/blog/Evenstaroflight/prayer-is-the-key-to-heaven-faith-unlocks-the-door-lyrics

Through faith in the program, I learned to have faith in those who had gone before me and had found sobriety. Through them I found a new relationship with my God and with myself.

We can do what I can't do alone.

http://angelwinks.ca/iq/qcdogs514.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Sixteen relapse symptoms to watch out for:

1. Exhaustion - Allowing oneself to become overly tired; usually associated with work addiction as an excuse for not facing personal frustrations.

2. Dishonesty - Begins with pattern of little lies; escalated to self-delusion and making excuses for not doing what's called for.

3. Impatience - I want what I want NOW. Others aren't doing what I think they should or living the way I know is right.

4. Argumentative - No point is too small or insignificant not to be debated to the point of anger and submission.

5. Depression - All unreasonable, unaccountable despair should be exposed and discussed, not repressed: what is the "exact nature" of those feelings?

6. Frustration - Controlled anger/resentment when things don't go according to our plans. Lack of acceptance. See #3.

7. Self-pity - Feeling victimized, put-upon, used, unappreciated: convinced we are being singled out for bad luck.

8. thingyiness - Got it made. Know all there is to know. Can go anywhere, including frequent visits just to hang-out at bars, boozy parties.

9. Complacency - Like #8, no longer sees value of daily program, meetings, contact with other alcoholics, (especially sponsor!), feels healthy, on top of the world, things are going well. Heck may even be cured!

10. Expecting too much of others - Why can't they read my mind? I've changed, what's holding them up? If they just do what I know is best for them? Leads to feeling misunderstood, unappreciated. See #6.

11. Letting up on disciplines - Allowing established habits of recovery - meditations, prayer, spiritual reading, AA contact, daily inventory, meetings - - to slip out of our routines; allowing recovery to get boring and no longer stimulating for growth. Why bother?!

12. Using mood-altering chemicals - May have a valid medical reason, but misused to help avoid the real problems of impending alcoholic relapse.

13. Wanting too much - Setting unrealistic goals: not providing for short-term successes; placing too much value on material success, not enough on value of spiritual growth.

14. Forgetting gratitude - Because of several listed above, may lose sight of the abundant blessings in our everyday lives: too focused on # 13.

15. "It can't happen to me." - Feeling immune; forgetting what we know about the disease of alcoholism and its progressive nature.

16. Omnipotence - A combination of several attitudes listed above; leads to ignoring danger signs, disregarding warnings and advice from fellow members.


-- Akron Intergroup News, December 1998

Had "One Day At A Time" put on the back of my medallion today. That is all I have, one day, just this 24 hours, and I have to give thanks for that day every night. Without you, there is no me.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/faithpod/faithpod7.jpg

[MajestyJo]

This is a disease of perception. Each day I ask my God for the inner knowing I need for each day. It is important that I am living in reality not as I would have it be.

Judge not, less you be judged. At the moment, I am watching Bill Gaither's Homecoming concert. I was thinking it was a new show, but have seen it once before. It doesn't matter if it is old or new, the story is always the same. It is especially good that it is about Gratitude.

For many years, I judged, compared and pulled apart ideas, concepts and people. Thanks to the program, I learned to identify, put back together and encourage others.

A post I made on another site in 2010.

In today, I get to record the Gaither Show. Didn't have the tools when I posted this.

It is good to do a reality check or pick up the phone and call your sponsor, spiritual adviser, or a good friend and they will do it for you.

I may be perceptive, but the key is the 'depth' of that perception. Am I only looking at the surface of things or am I going to my center and feeling with my heart, instead of glancing with my eyes.

http://img.picturequotes.com/2/18/17202/have-a-good-day-quote-1.jpg

[MajestyJo]

"It's impossible-I can't do it!" We have all said that at some time or another. Next time you are tempted to do so, remember the pendulum...that it was waiting to be fixed in place, and it began to calculate for how long it would be expected to tick-day and night-60 seconds in a minute, 60 seconds in the hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year. That amounted to millions of ticks! It would never be able to manage it, decided the pendulum.

"Do just one tick at a time," the clockmaker advised. "That's all that's expected of you."

So the pendulum began, just one tick at a time, and it is still ticking to this day. As the Chinese prover says, a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

- Francis Gay


We don't have to quit using for ever and ever, all we have to do is make a decision, just for today to stay clean.

One day at a time, I don't pick up.

Each day is a new beginning, all I have to do is to remember to take the first step.

I like this, it is one day at a time, often a minute at a time, and often a second at a time. No matter what, I can't pick up. It isn't just about my drug of choice, any drug can become a drug of choice if I don't apply the program and put that defense up about that first one.

I need to do the 1, 2, 3 Waltz every morning. I can't, God can, just for today, I choose to let Him.

http://i958.photobucket.com/albums/ae67/Galactica1980/tuesday326221.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Relapse prevention the Alcoholics Anonymous way is proactive action....

One form of these strategies is The AA Six Pack, which says;

•Don’t Drink
•Go to meetings
•Ask for help
•Get a sponsor
•Join a home group
•Get active (in the program)

These are practiced so as to ensure immunity, an insurance policy against the first drink.

What ever you do my friend, "Don't Quit Before The Miracle Happens"...

http://angelwinks.ca/images/kayomi/kayomi33.jpg

Really like this. They say, this is a program of suggestions, but there are some darn well betters, or you will find yourself back out there wondering what happened. What brought you to the doors of recovery will take you back out if you don't deal with why you picked up and used in the first place.

[MajestyJo]

In Al-Anon, they have just one Think. Think before you open your mouth and question whether your words are honest, best left undsaid, and ask yourself, "How important is it?" In AA, it is Think, Think, Think. Give little thought to your past, don' project into the futute, and think in today. I like the slogan, "Hesitate and Meditate. Give thought to your day, ask for your God's Will for your day instead of taking your life back into your own hands.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/animatedpod/animatedpod1147.gif

[MajestyJo]

This is something that I have had to do and become very aware of, mainly meditation and prayer.

Back to basics for me are quite simple:

1) Ask for help in the morning, turn the day over to my HP.

2) Read my daily meditaitons, look at how they apply to my life in today.

3) Make plans for the day but don't put expectations on the outcome or myself.

4) Eat and drink healthy food for the body, mind and spirit.

5) Exercise the body, mind and spirit.

6) Connect with my sponsor and other members in recovery.

7) Go to a meeting.

8) Process my day and give thanks at night.

9) It is important to have a hobby, an outside interest. I use to play bridge but had to stop playing for several reasons, my tremon disorder, my medication didn't always allow me to be clear minded enough to concentrate (had to stop anything that I found to be mood altering even though it wasn't a narcotic. I am grateful I can go on line and talk recovery. I have always been an avid reader. I just had to learn to have balance. I could hide myself away and isolate from the world.

10) Do something that you enjoy and makes you laugh. It is could to exercise your mind and stimulate your body and spirit. I have to work on my emotional sobriety daily.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/kayomi/kayomi28.jpg

[MajestyJo]

http://angelwinks.ca/images/iq/qc2ilyteddies.jpg

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging..

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful.
But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their
hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.

I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever,
but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day(if I feel like it).

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!


MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER! FRIENDS FOREVER!

[MajestyJo]

Don't Complicate Things

The simple, clear answer for life's situations can be easily found in the heart. Don't limit its wisdom to just one or two areas, let it guide you through all of your life.

Are you struggling with finances? Feeling overwhelmed by taxes? Not certain what to do to help someone you love? Do you have a problem with a friend? Has a business relationship gotten sticky, maybe hopelessly adversarial? Are you at war with the person you love? Problems with children? Problems with parents? A landlord who just won't get the job done? All of these areas, and more, can be brought to your heart.

Do you need to find a new hobby? Are you stuck on a project? Do you need an idea, some creative inspiration? Do you need a new place to live, or a way to fix your current home? Take it all back to your heart.

Calm your mind. Let go. Get quiet. You don't have to know the plan. Just put out the question, then listen to your inner voice. It will guide you through any maze you've been lost in.

Don't complicate things or try to figure it all out. The answer is simple: look in your heart.

From Journey to the Heart

Originally posted on my site Soundness of Mind in December 2011, and yet the questions are still good in today.

It is a simple program that we tend to complicate. Don't use mind altering substances, no matter what. Even kite flying can be an addiction if we allow it to, instead of looking at it as a spiritual thing. It is a state of mind and I need to replace the physical with the spiritual.

I have problems and issues with my son who is in active addiction, although he has given me some hope, has started talking about going to detox.

I started back playing bridge and hope to keep playing in the future.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/greetingspod/greetingspod55.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Standing Alone

https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M04df0ab63b6be54733c46efe7ebcd421o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300

Standing alone, the darkness surrounds
Pain echoes inside me, thunderous sounds.
Beaten and battered, all alone so it seemed.
Where had my life gone, where were my dreams?
I'd lost all ambition, I'd lost so so much.
Solutions not working, no golden touch.
I wasn't like others, but where did I fit?
Would I be lonely, if I truly quit?
A point of surrender, the end of the road..
Who could I turn to lighten the load?
I opened my mouth, the words just came out...
Please help me find answers, solutions I doubt.
Yet there were the people, bright shiny and clean..
Their faces most smiling, their eyes had a gleen.
Why would they help me, what would they say?
They told me to follow, they'd show me the way.
One day at a time, one hour or less
That's all I'd need.. and I'd pass the test.
But why were they giving, so caring for me?
It struck me strangely, they told me I'd see.
As I followed suggestions, changes had come..
Keep working the steps, you're never done.
Yet as I recover, my life's been renewed..
The future looks brighter, no longer skewed.
The promises happen, the dreams will come true..
Now that I live them, I offer to you..
A chance to be happy, a chance to be free.
Together it's working other addicts and me.
Give it a chance, hold tight if you must
Recovery's out there, in that you can trust.
When days feel all crazy, and some of them do.
My answer's are found, with people like you.
It might be your first day, it might be 10 years
No matter duration, we share the same tears.
Yet together there's laughter... smiles once thought lost..
Miracles truly... for all that we've lived through, at such a high cost.
I step forward each morning, given new day.
Thank God and you, having shown me the way.

Written by: Tom R.
Racine, WI.

A beautiful remember when, so true.

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book Food for Thought

Cutting Cords

Often we are bound in unhealthy ways to parents, husbands, wives, children, and friends. When dependency and manipulation are masked as love, it is difficult to cut the cords that bind us. By ourselves we are unable to break free.

Listening to other compulsive overeaters helps us to see our own situation and ourselves more objectively. Working the steps builds emotional and spiritual maturity. Abstaining from compulsive overeating gives us the perception we need to see unhealthy relationships for what they are. Our growing self-respect motivates us to make changes.

We ate because we were too weak to face our problems. Now that we see where we have been manipulated and where we have manipulated others, we need the strength to cut the cords of unhealthy dependency. This strength comes from our Higher Power. Since we recognize our complete dependency on Him, we are no longer weakened by pseudo dependencies on those close to us. We learn to relate to them positively, out of God's strength rather than our own weakness.

By Your power, may I cut the cords that bind me.

You may think, this is about food, this doesn't apply to me. Food is a drug.

This reading made me realize that I had cords connecting me to food, relationships and keeping busy so I didn't have to spend time with myself.

When we fill up with other things, we have no room for anything else. We become lethargic and dismiss everything else as unimportant. We ask ourselves, "How Important Is It?" Our answer is generally, "Nothing!" We hide behind our addiction, no matter what it may be.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/12/22/video-undefined-2438B17900000578-23_636x358.jpg

[MajestyJo]

So many times, we miss out on life by not being there. We focus on the loved ones in our lives or on being busy, that we don't stop and be present in the moment.

We let moments pass us by. We are so busy 'doing' that moments slipped by and we think, "What was that?" We never have a clear picture of what is, because our minds are going in many directions all at once.

We think we have peace and serenity when in fact, it is a whirl-wind that is going so fast, no one emotions settles in and we are unaware.

If I don't feel, doesn't mean I have peace and serenity. It means I am shut off and shut down. When I shut off what I don't want to acknowledge, feel or confess, then I shut off the Light of the Spirit. God can't get in because we have closed ourselves off.

This is my life. This is my moment. I will be aware of my body, mnd and spirit. I will be open to experience life on life's terms.

Wrote this in 2010.

Need this very much in today as my son has been thinking and talking detox for most of the month, even this morning after he came here to get his stuff to go to work after being into 'something' yesterday afternoon and evening. He completely disregards the boundary I set year ago, if you have been using, don't come back here. I look at him and see his disease and it is hard to watch. He told me many years ago, look at me your son, not the addiction. I love him, but don't like or love his choices and actions.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/82/b7/44/82b744683e9de1b64ae22659ec952bf6.gif

[MajestyJo]

Pocket Sponsor - Book - Quote

Honesty without kindness is cruel and kindness without honesty is co-dependence.
It is important to be honest, with ourselves as well as with others. We need to stop beating ourselves up for not being able to do what we feel we need to do. Often we are people pleasing and want to do what we think others want us to do. I had to find my own truth. I had to call a spade a spade, but I didn't need to use it to bury myself in self-pity and low self-worth. I need to use it to build a strong foundation on which to build my program on.

https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M2193d04b72c1d56179a71829c2b9feffH0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300

[MajestyJo]

"Live and Let Live"

When we live and let live, we don't need to criticize, judge, or
condemn others. We have no need to control them or try and
make them conform to our way of thinking. We let others live
their own lives and we live ours.

Love this slogan ever since my sponsor told me the key word was the first one. Live my own life, no longer put it on hold for someone else, no longer looking at the other person to see what they would do, no longer sitting home worrying about what they were doing, but going out and doing for myself.

No longer putting my life on hold, waiting for the other person's wants and desires. So many times I would work myself in to a frazzle and I would be paralyzed and unable to do for myself. All I would do is sit and stew. What is he doing? What is he up to? Was that siren for him? Should I call the hospital? Should I call the police. Went through the same thing with my ex-husband. I am glad that today I have program. It was a hell I don't want to repeat. It helps me to remember when and know that I have a choice, an option to stay in it or get myself out.


Live and let live is one of the keys to bring peace into our lives. When we practice tolerance in our lives we are liberated to work on our own issues. When we use this slogan we end many of the conflicts in our lives and gain the ability to stop new ones before they build into big ones.

How often I know the words but get caught up in the moment and how quickly I can forget. That is why I like sharing here. The words come out and put order to my thoughts and I can see where I am at and if I don't others will point it out! That is good. It is so much easier to see it in others and know what is good for them. How easy it is to forget that this is a program of reflection.

Love "Letting Go and Letting God." My problem is keeping it with Him and not taking it back.

[MajestyJo]

This may be a rerun, but it is a good thought anyway.


Alkiespeak - Book - Quote

My sponsor says 'Mark the places where you find God and go there often.' AA meetings are a place where I find God - I think that the power of God is in the group. - Chris C.

Really like this, and although I have called a meeting a God Village for many years, this is a new perspective.

Have also realized as a result of my own personal quest, that every where I went, looking for Him, I found Him. He didn't follow me, I wasn't following Him, He was with me. Everywhere I went, He was there. It was up to me to acknowleldge Him and build a working relationship with Him.

Ironically, the place I often talk to Him the most is in the bathroom. The door is closed on the world, no distractons, just me and my God. When I let go and let God, I get rid of a lot of crap!

Posted on another site in 2012


May God grant you always-
A sunbeam to warm you,
A moonbeam to charm you,
A sheltering angel
So nothing can harm you.
Laughter to cheer you,
Faithful friends near you,
And whenever you pray
Heaven to hear you.

- Author Unknown

[MajestyJo]

"There's a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use," said one recovering woman. "The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing."

It's imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.

Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.

Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people's best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.

We don't have to let others count on the fact that we'll always feel guilty. We don't have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt - earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another's issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.

Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.

- Source unknown to me

This was like looking into a mirror and had to make sure I didn't write it. It was posted by a friend on another site. Not sure if she wrote it or copied and pasted it from some unknown source.

A long-timer told me that next to resentments, guilt is right up there at the top of the list as to why some people relapse. In my case, it sure can be a mental relapse and thankfully, hasn't been a physical one although last night I had a drinking dream which is a good indicator for me. I have had thoughts of going to a meeting but don't feel safe going at night with my walker. I am going to have to find a solution.

I often feel guilty about not getting out to more meetings.

When it comes to my son and his addiction, I use to feel guilty. It isn't something that was easy to let go of, knowing that he is a product of his environment and he was raised in a dysfunctional family with a grandfather, a mother and a step-father who were all alcoholics. Like me, he didn't learn the best coping skills. I know I did the best I could and in a lot of ways, he was just as much of a focus in my life as my disease. Wanting for him what I never had for myself. Some of it was false guilt, but for the most part it wasn't. Guilt is a feeling like everything else and had to ask for the healing of it.

[MajestyJo]

The first step to forgiveness

"To get to forgiveness, we first have to work through the painful experiences that require it."

-- Christiane Northrup

To forgive, we do not have to say that whatever happened was okay. In fact, before we can forgive, we need to allow ourselves to really feel the pain of the experience. If we don’t fully acknowledge our hurts, we will continue to carry them subconsciously and they will drain our energy.

To forgive, we need to decide that we won’t allow the memories of the event to poison us any longer. We’re ready to heal this wound from the past and open to a fresh new beginning.

The blessing is that when we’re really ready to experience our pain and we open to it, it usually fades away. By honouring our pain, we release it.

"We must let ourselves feel all the painful destruction we want to forgive rather than swallow it in denial. If we do not face it, we cannot choose to forgive it."

-- Kenneth McNoll

We forgive for our own health and well being. This affirms the belief, "If you don't recognize it and feel it, you can't let it go."

[MajestyJo]

Higher Power

"Most of us have no trouble admitting that addiction had become a destructive force in our lives. Our best efforts resulted in ever greater destruction and despair. At some point, we realized that we needed the help of some Power greater than our addiction."

Basic Text p. 24

Most of us know without a doubt that our lives have been filled with destruction. Learning that we have a disease called addiction helps us understand the source or cause of this destruction. We can recognize addiction as a power that has worked devastation in our lives. When we take the First Step, we admit that the destructive force of addiction is bigger than we are. We are powerless over it.

At this point, our only hope is to find some Power greater than the force of our addiction—a Power bent on preserving life, not ending it. We don't have to understand it or even name it; we only have to believe that there could be such a Higher Power. The belief that a benevolent Power greater than our addiction just might exist gives us enough hope to stay clean, a day at a time.

Just for today: I believe in the possibility of some Power that's bigger than my addiction.

pg. 82

At a year sober, after believing I thought I knew who God was, I went on a spiritual journey, a spiritual quest, to find out who God was to me and to make Him/Her personal. I am still looking. I feel as though if think I KNOW who God is, then I may stop looking for Him. One of the biggest sources I found was in meetings. I call them God Villages. Every soul in that meeting has a Higher Power, whether they know Him/Her or not. I found Him/Her in nature and as the Native American people say, "Mother Earth and Father Sky." I found Him/her in the different religions of the world. I love Osho and Zen. I looked for the Goddess within. I went back to church twice. Even though I finally left, I still read my Bible on occasion.

The biggest source is finding the quiet, say a prayer, going within and listening for the answer. The source is there. The answers are there even though sometimes I don't know what the question is.

This was written in 2011. It never ceases to amaze me how the story is still the same in today. I still need to find the quiet and do a meditation to listen for my God's Good Orderly Direction in today.

[MajestyJo]

Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health.

- Carl Jung

In early recovery, due to a much needed 'attitude' adjustment, I remember scoffing at the phrase "If you didn't have difficult moments, you wouldn't be able to enjoy or recognize the good ones when they came."

Of course, I wanted everything yesterday. I wanted the quick fix, and the "now I have quit drinking" syndrome made me think that everything should be going my way and how dare anything or anyone rain on my parade.

We tend to forget that we didn't get sick overnight and we don't heal and get better overnight, especially if we are not willing to do any work on changing our lives, our attitude and the people, place and things that were apart of our journey to get here.

Why should I get cravings just because I choose to go visit my old 'buddies' in the bar? Why shouldn't I feel like I want to substitute my drug of choice for a little weed when I go and visit my best friend, who I met the last time I was in jail. Why shouldn't I be happy, joyous and free even though I am acting out in my old ways and still being mentally, emotionally and physically abusive to those around me. There is nothing wrong with me anymore, I don't drink. It is everyone else's fault. Life would be so better if people would just do what I .......


The great "I" am the Ego, the Self, if I don't lose it (attitude), I will lose it (Sobriety that is!)

[MajestyJo]

A SPIRITUAL SOLUTION

“Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry.

Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 152

The solution for giving up an addiction is a spiritual one. When I came to recovery to get off my meds and to quit drinking, I went to meetings, meetings and more meetings. When I quit smoking, I went to meetings, picked up key tags and chips the same as I did for the drugs and alcohol. I didn’t substitute with food, I lost three pounds instead of gaining thirty pounds. There was a spiritual solution. Also, for me, when I quit smoking I held a crystal in my hand, which helped ground me, but it gave me that “something” to hold, and for me it is a piece of the Universe and very healing.

It also reminds me I am no less than no better than a piece of stone, I am a part of the whole, and we can all work together for good and become healthy and clean of all substances be they mental, emotional or physical in nature. Behind every scar there is trauma on all levels, and we need to look at the whole to heal.

As it says in the Big Book, half measures availed us nothing, we need to be willing to go to any length to stay clean and we need to find a spiritual solution.

WHO’S ON THE THRONE

This could be a duplicate and posted elsewhere. Or I got it here and posted it elsewhere. ;)

http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/h/hugs/graphics-hugs-641861.gif

[MajestyJo]

Habits

Our drinking was connected to many habits — big and little.
Some of them were thinking habits, or things we felt inside ourselves.
Others were doing habits — things we did, actions we took.
In getting used to not drinking, we found that we needed new habits to take the place of the old ones.
- Living Sober, p. 1

In order to change, I had to change those habits and old behaviors. I had to recognize all those old ways. I was told that I had to make new tapes to replace the new one. I had to recognize that it was me that pushed the play button. That meant I could press stop and rewind and reject.

[MajestyJo]

Alkiespeak - Book - Quote

Take heart; it came to pass, it didn't come to stay.

- Unknown origin.

Whenever I see or am reminded of this slogan, I think, it isn't always about the negative and hurtful things, but the positive and joyful things too.

Life is feeling. All we have is today. It seems sometimes like our trials and tribulations last forever and ever, but they do not. It passes much quicker when I stop and realize that often they are of own making or they are still there because i haven't wanted to let go of them.

Time is fleeting. It never ceases to amaze me how it can just disappear, whether I am having fun or not.

This is a one day at a time program. One day's feelings, thoughts, cares, woes, actions, situations, etc. that is all I have to do, is stay clean and sober, and when I do, life is so much easier because I am better equiped to handle things. Life doesn't get better, I do.

[MajestyJo]

This too shall pass...Like a gallstone. - Anon.

- Alkiespeaks

It is nice when you can see things changing for the better. It was a good feeling to receive affirmation that my choices were for my Higher Good.

Feelings, good or bad, pass on and a new set and a new day moves in.

[MajestyJo]

DAILY OM

Awakening The Inner Warrior
Stoking The Fire Within

There are certain personality archetypes that we all carry within us, such as the inner child, the lover, and the mother. Some of these archetypes present themselves strongly, while others lay fallow. For example, there is an inner warrior in each one of us, but in some of us this warrior is underdeveloped to the point that we are unable to stand up for ourselves, even when necessary. There can be many reasons for this. We may have grown up with a parent whose warrior aspect was overdeveloped, and we responded by repressing ours completely. On the other hand, we may have grown up with parents in whom this aspect was dormant, so we never learned to awaken it in ourselves.

A warrior is someone with the strength to stand up for what he or she believes; someone who perseveres in the face of challenges and obstacles; someone who speaks and acts in the service of an ideal; someone who protects those who are too weak to fight for themselves. Regardless of the reasons for an underdeveloped inner warrior, you may begin to notice the lack of its fiery, protective presence and wish to awaken it. You may need to stand up for yourself in a certain relationship or situation, or you may have a vision you want to realize, and you know you will need the courage, energy, and strength of a warrior to succeed. Similarly, if you find that you often feel scared, anxious, or powerless, rousing this sleeping ally may be just the antidote you need.

One excellent way to cultivate the presence of your inner warrior is to choose a role model who embodies the qualities of bravery, strength, and vitality. This person could be a character in a myth, movie, or book, or a historical or living person you admire. Simply close your eyes each day and contemplate the quality of energy that attracts you to this person, knowing that the same potential lives within you. Confirm for yourself that you are capable of handling this energy responsibly, and stoke the fire of your own inner courage.

What do you think?

I really liked this. It reminds me of the Rune, Spiritual Warrior (represents the sun and taking control of your life). Fighting for what you believe in. More importantly, standing for your own truth. I had to find something to believe in. By trusting that Spirit within, I was able to trust myself. That courage, strength, and direction comes from within, through the inner knowingness I receive from my Higher Power or what I sometimes refer to as my Higher Self.

[MajestyJo]

When I don't have the strength to carry on, it is there for the asking. When I have no hope and I am sick and tired of being tired and sick, that Inner Warrior can boost me up and give me a reason for being.

My purpose in today is to carry the message to the alcoholic and addict who still suffer. You don`t have to be new. You just need to connect with someone and let them know that they are no longer alone.

https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M23a0f36771554a259b4c0279880e9333o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=210&h=152

[MajestyJo]

Life is precious. I have been given a second chance at life and each day is a blessing.

One day's thoughts, actions, joys, sorrows, etc. are all made easier by living in the moment, living in today, and with the help of my HP, I can get through it without having to pick up.

http://angelwinks.ca/images/faithpod/faithpod1.jpg

[MajestyJo]

Keep It Simple:
The slogan, “Keep It Simple” helps to remind us that simple solutions are often the most effective ones. This slogan can help us look at what really is happening rather than what we imagine may happen, and to take a reasonable, step by step approach rather than act out of fear or panic.

So often we base today on our past and forget that it is a new day. We have a God of our understanding directing our path if we make the decision to turn or will and our life into His Care.

It is simple. I can't, my God can. Why not let Him?

[MajestyJo]

Was sharing today how we sabatoge ourselves when things are good or not so good in our life.

For me it was about self worth. I deserve recovery.

Each day I need to get up in the morning, ask for help through out the day, and give thanks at night. As you say an attitude of gratitude will get me through. A grateful alcoholic will never pick up as my sponsor told me many years ago.

In today, I apply Step 10. If something from my past come up, then I need to do Steps 4-9. Many things that happened in today still had roots that were grounded in my past and I had to uproot them and sever them.

Each day is a new beginning. We can change the old ways of thinking and uproot those old tapes, behaviors, and habits, and learn to live anew in today.

[MajestyJo]

The Rules For Being Human
Cherie Carter-Scott
.
.
.
.
1)You will receive a body.
.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for
.
the entire period of time around.
.
2)You will learn lessons.
.
You are enrolled in a full-time school called Life.
.
Each day in this school you will have the opportunity
.
to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them
.
irrelevant or stupid.
.
3)There are no mistakes, only lessons.
.
Growth is a process of trial and error: Experimentation.
.
The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process
.
as the experiment that ultimately "works."
.
4)A lesson is repeated until learned.
.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until
.
you have learned it, you can them go on to the next lesson.
.
5)Learning lessons does not end.
.
There is no part of life that does not contain it's lessons.
.
If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
.
6)"There" is no better than "here".
.
When you are "there" has become a "here", you will simply
.
obtain another "there" that will again look better than
.
"here".
.
7)Others are merely mirrors of you.
.
You cannot love or hate something about another person
.
unless it reflects something you love or hate about
.
yourself.
.
8)What you make of your life is up to you.
.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you
.
do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
.
9)Your answers lie inside you.
.
The answers to Life's questions lie inside you.
.
All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
.
10)YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS.

[MajestyJo]

How true! This was something I didn't want to allow myself. People repeatedly seemed to be saying, "Well you are only human you know!" That wasn't acceptable to me. I could not always be perfect and right but I felt that it was my job in recovery to be the best me I could be each day. I didn't always live up to my expectations and I learned not to beat myself up for falling short of who and what I wanted to be, and yet I felt better within me for having tried.

Before recovery, I didn't try. I had given up on life and I got to the stage where I was sick and tired of being tired and sick. I have been back there a few times since then and it is not a good place to be. Thank God for this program.

The frog means cleansing the old to make room for the new. I look at it as a reminder to stay clean and sober. F.R.O.G. (Fully Relying On God).

https://tse3.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.lVrvHZ-DU-vwoXdjuee_zgDlEQ&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300

[dwmoeller]

I really like the FROG acronym Fully Rely on God. That is why I have a frog showing my sobriety journey at the bottom of all of my posts. 6 years and 6 months ago, I was lying on my bed. It was my first night of in-patient treatment at Prairie St. Johns and I prayed to God that I could not do this alone. I need your help, God. I need to fully rely on You.

[MajestyJo]

"Accepting God's Gifts"

"It is necessary for all of us to accept whatever positive gifts we receive with a deep humility, always bearing in mind that our negative attitudes were first necessary as a means of reducing us to such a state that we would be ready for a gift of the positive ones via the conversion experience. Your own alcoholism and the immense deflation that finally resulted are indeed the foundation upon which your spiritual experience rests."

© 1967, As Bill Sees It, page 168

Acceptance is one of the spiritual principles of Step One. I was told that I had to do the first half of this step 100%, and I was warned that the second half was conditional to my spiritual connection, one day at a time.

When I accepted my disease, surrendered my day to my Higher Power, got honest with me, then my life would be manageable. If I didn't have these spiritual principles, and tried to manage my own life, then it certainly would become unmanageable, and would stay so until such a time, as I could find the honest, surrender and acceptance I need to bring myself back to my center and connected to the God of my understanding.

[MajestyJo]

Had this thought in 2004 and ten years later, it is still applicable I today. This is why I love this program, it is one day at a time program. God is as He reveals Himself to me I today. The program is applicable as it unfolds in today.

Posted this on another site in 2004 and responded to it in 2014

It holds true now in 2017. Acceptance is still the key to my recovery.

Know that acceptance is the key, the last week has been a struggle to find it on occasion.

Know it is the answer, and know it is the key, and yet I felt like if I accept what is, I am giving up my power to another person and my space, and not willing to giving up my boundaries. I had to reset them, set some ground rules, make people aware that they were there and that there are consequences to their actions. My new favourite saying is, "Don't give up, give over."

[MajestyJo]

So many times we forget that we have to be willing to give to receive. What is often more important that we need to be open to receiving so we have something to give.

I need to make room for the goodness to come in and l need to let go of the negative so it can be changed into a positive.

As it says in the reading, we have to be aware of what needs to be changed and that is why it is necessary to take not only a daily inventory, but an inventory as to where we are at in our life.

I like that it speaks of time. We don't get better overnight. It is a process.

[MajestyJo]

Thought for the Day
Monday, MAY 29

From the book: The Language of Letting Go

Powerlessness and Unmanageability


Willpower is not the key to the way of life we are seeking. Surrender is.

"I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something they aren't, don't want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process," said one recovering woman.

I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didn't love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to make him stop drinking.

I have spent years trying to make emotionally unavailable people be emotionally present for me. I have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy.

What I'm saying is this: I've spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when I couldn't. It's been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. Won't work!

By surrendering to powerlessness, I gain the presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which I cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible: being who I am, loving myself, feeling what I feel, and doing what I want to do with my life.

In recovery, we learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.

Today, I will accept powerlessness where I have no power to change things, and I'll allow my life to become manageable.

I am powerlesss over my disease and that of my son.

[MajestyJo]

Counting Your Blessings in Recovery

You don’t have to be religious to know that being in recovery from addiction is a good thing. People say “Count your blessings” all the time – and there’s a reason for that. First of all, it’s reinforcement to re-cap the benefits of an achievement, and recovery is a huge achievement. But there’s a lot more to being in recovery to be grateful, and thankful for, than just a summary of your accomplishments. Take it in a religious or spiritual sense – or just common sense – but do acknowledge what positives you’ve received in your recovery.

You’re Alive

For many in recovery, especially after chronic, hard-core alcohol or substance abuse, just the fact that they’re alive is not only a blessing, it’s a near miracle. Physical, psychological and mental consequences of long-term substance abuse often leave addicts with many scars. Not only are there medical conditions to deal with, and perhaps serious ones at that, but the emotional wreckage and psychological damage have also taken a toll.

Look at your own addiction. Maybe you fall into the category of the chronic, long-term abuser who tried multiple times to kick your habit before you finally succeeded. At any point during your abuse of alcohol or drugs, you could have died from a variety of complications. Even if you weren’t an addict for years on end, you may have overdosed and nearly died from drugs and/or alcohol.

In either case, consider yourself lucky to be alive. This is one of the most profound blessings of your recovery, and one that you should be thankful for every day. Without life, there is no future. There is no time left to undo the wrongs you may have committed, or to repair a relationship that needs mending, or follow long-buried dreams. You can’t come back from death – at least, not usually. There are some – and you may be one of them – that have been declared dead, only to be revived. If that’s the case, you’ve got a double miracle to be grateful for.

No More Lost Days (and Nights)

Addicts are very clever at hiding various aspects of their addiction. One of the earliest tricks they use is to fool others into believing that they remember things that occurred while they were under the influence of alcohol or drugs when, in fact, it’s all a blur. Surely you recall the techniques you used to pull the wool over the eyes of your spouse, partner, significant other, family member, friend, co-worker or employer.

At least, you think you did. Chances are that those closest to you began to suspect that you had a blackout when you consistently “forgot” events, actions, words, or lost hours that you couldn’t reasonably account for. It’s actually amazing the amount of time and energy addicts put into trying to remember what they said, did or thought while they were in a blackout. Little bits and pieces may have come back here and there, and maybe they sufficed to help convince others that you were really all “there,” when you really weren’t. Probably not, however, especially after repeated episodes.

The point here is not to dredge up unpleasant reminders of those lost days and nights but to celebrate the fact that those situations are all in the past. Instead, think about how terrific it is to wake up each morning and fully remember all that occurred the previous day, week, month and year. The reinforcement every day that you are in full control of your mental faculties is a genuine blessing.

Life is More Vivid

When you’re no longer spending a great part of your day trying to get over the effects of the night before, you’ve undoubtedly discovered that life is more vivid. What do we mean by that? Think of it. Visually, what you see in terms of color is brighter. It has to be, because you’re not under a cloud or suffering a pounding headache or going through the nausea and other hangover symptoms. Not only sights, but also sounds and smells are more pronounced. Suddenly, you can hear, detect and appreciate things more. This includes music, the sounds and smells of nature, the aroma and taste of food.

Think how much more intensely you feel the attraction to your spouse or significant other – if you are fortunate enough to have this type of relationship currently in your life. Human pheromones notwithstanding, being more in the present is a big boost in your relationship with your loved one.

Open to New Experiences

Now that you’re in recovery, you can look forward to many new experiences. You aren’t stuck in the past. There’s no rule or recommendation that you constantly look back. It’s just the contrary, in fact. Why look back when you have your entire life ahead of you?

You will recall that while you were in treatment your counselor or other treatment professionals gave you valuable tools and helped you create your blueprint for recovery. This roadmap undoubtedly includes short- and long-term goals that you’ve identified for yourself and a step-by-step guide for how to achieve them. But none of these are set in stone. That’s the beauty of an evolving plan for recovery.

As you pursue some of your goals, be they short-term ones that are easily accomplished or long-term goals that involve many months and years, there will be numerous opportunities that will present themselves. It could be an offshoot from something that you are presently pursuing as a life goal, or it could be something entirely new, some activity or job or educational, cultural, entertainment or other pursuit that begins to intrigue you. And the best part of this stage of your recovery is that you are no longer closed off. You are fully capable of embracing new experiences. You have every right to be. After all, you’ve worked hard for your sobriety, and you’ve made it a part of your life – a welcome part, an integral piece of your character.

Getting Stronger Every Day

Sometimes addicts in recovery need longer to recover their health, ravaged during months and years of past abuse. Others may not have suffered as much physical damage, but have lingering psychological and/or emotional pain to overcome. It takes time, but the truth of the matter is that with each passing day, you are getting stronger.

Support is a key element in this acceleration of your healing process. You simply can’t do in on your own. First of all, no one other than another recovering addict knows what it feels like to be in recovery. How can they relate when they’ve never been in your shoes? Just being able to converse and interact with others in recovery is a huge benefit to your continuing sobriety.
You find your support in the 12-step groups that you were introduced to during treatment. And it’s important – critical, really – that you continue your participation in 12-step group meetings for a minimum of two years following treatment. The benefits to you are really almost impossible to overstate. Suffice it to say that you will find a kind of camaraderie with your 12-step sponsor and fellow group members that you won’t find anywhere else. These are individuals who are committed to helping each other in their continuing sobriety.

When you’re down, you know they’ve got your back. They’ll be available with a kind word, an understanding and non-judgmental ear, and ready and willing to support you in your time of need. This is especially true in early recovery, when cravings and doubts and the fear of relapse are most likely to occur.

The good news about getting stronger every day isn’t that you’ll immediately notice it. You may not. But over time, you will one day notice that you’re better able to deal with stresses and situations that used to cause you pain or threaten to derail your sobriety. You’re getting better at utilizing the tools and techniques that you learned during treatment and have picked up during your interaction with fellow 12-step group members.

Putting Your Life in Order

Gone now are the regret, dismay, discouragement and disappointment you felt during your darkest days of addiction. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have things to take care of that are a result of those bleak times. The benefit of being in recovery is that you are now better able to not only see what it is you need to do to repair or mend those situations, but you are better equipped to tackle the challenges.

Putting your life in order is an important blessing in recovery. Moving ahead with your life is an integral part of your continuing sobriety. That said, you may wonder how you get there. Sometimes, it’s difficult. You may need help. Use the resources available to you, whether that’s counseling that’s a part of your aftercare program or other counseling and help that you can get through federal, state or local resources. You may need job training or assistance obtaining funds to go continue or pursue a degree. Perhaps you need guidance on the best way to approach a new employer or a recommendation for a plan to break into a new field that’s of interest to you.

There may be some financial problems that you need to deal with. The cost of your treatment, financial obligations of the household, medical, educational or other expenses for you or other family members, legal costs, etc. may be items that are on your agenda for putting your life in order.

Now that you’re in recovery and are taking responsibility for your actions, you are in a position to begin to take the positive steps necessary to do what you can in this important area of your life.

And, it’s not all about money. It’s also about relationships that may have been strained to the point of breaking – or are beyond repair. Sometimes the best thing to do is to give that person who has rejected you (out of the pain that has been caused) the space he or she needs. You may need to let them go. But that doesn’t mean that you carry the weight of the load forever. Putting your life in order in this respect means that you make your amends by forgiving yourself for your words and actions that have caused so much pain – and move on. At some point, the relationship may be resurrected – if the other party initiates it. You can’t count on that, but it is a possibility. In any event, moving on with your life means that you are finally able to release the burdens of the past. They no longer have a hold on you.

Learning to Love Yourself and Others Again

Addiction carries a lot of self-destruction. Once you cast off your habit and resolve to be clean and sober, you gradually learn to believe in yourself again. This, too, takes time, and it’s different for everyone. There’s no set amount of months before you can say that you’re okay again, that you feel good about yourself, and that you’re a good person. You can say it, and it’s a good affirmation, but it takes time for you to believe it.

You should. In fact, believing in yourself and your intrinsic goodness is a huge benefit of being in recovery. Why is this? Without a belief in yourself, you cannot be open to give and receive love. Letting another person in requires trust, a belief that this person will see you for who you really are, and love you regardless of your past transgressions or station in life, how much money you make or what kind of things you own. It also means that you will be able to reach out to others – first, to help those in need, and then to just give freely of yourself with no thought of receiving anything in return. This is how true love begins.

Love of yourself leads to the ability to love others. It’s a reciprocal process and, in fact, no real feelings of love can occur between two people without this generosity of spirit. Even the bonds of friendship require trust and a willingness to give of yourself. Now that you are in recovery, you are in a great position to open yourself up to others. That’s something you never would have been able to entertain while you were struggling to get through the days of addiction.

Looking Forward to the Future

Now that you’re in recovery, there’s nothing holding you back from pursuing your dreams. Sure, it may take some time to get where you want to go, but creating a plan and working toward your goals gives you increasing self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem. It also means that you are the architect of your own destiny. You have learned perhaps the most important lesson of all – that you are not your addiction. Who you are is who you want to be. Your future is in your hands, to create and shape as you desire.

This isn’t pie in the sky, and it does involve a lot of determination and hard work. But you’ve already discovered that you have it
in you. Having come through treatment and being in recovery, you’re learning new things about yourself each and every day. Tomorrow is full of hope and promise – two more blessings that you now have in recovery.

Are there more blessings that you can identify? There most certainly are, and they are unique to you. Muse about them for a bit, and give yourself kudos for all that you have already achieved in your recovery. Then, go out and embrace the new opportunities that will reveal themselves to you today, tomorrow, and all the days after that.

Author Unknown

Didn't write this, wish I did. It is because of our lack of trust in our fellow man kind and life itself, that keeps us caught up in our addiction. We can't see beyond it and can only fear the unknown and can't see ourselves living life without our drug of choice. Many substitute another only to be addicted to more than one substance.

We don't quit forever. We do this one day at a time. Even after all these years in recovery, it is still just for today, I choose not to use.

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[MajestyJo]

Shortcomings
I have shortcomings and defects of character. I never have been and never can be perfect.

As that realization became a part of me -- and it took time -- it brought me one of the greatest of the many blessings that have come to me from AA.

I learned to accept myself as a fallible human being. I do not have to strive for perfection.

Mistakes are permissible. I have the right to be wrong. And what a comfort that thought is to me, as I make my bemused way through life, one foot in a bucket, pushing on doors marked "Pull."

- The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 2], pp. 167-168


Always look at these as two different things, most people say they are the same. For me, I have both. I can have a defect of character, but I don't have to act out in it. Shortcomings are being less than who my God would have me be in today. He really doesn't have high expectations, but I have always had them on myself. For me, a short coming is acting out in my defect of character.

It is one thing to think it, but quite a different thing to follow thought with action. That can be a good thing or a not so good thing. For me the not so good thing is a shortcoming.

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[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

The Good Feelings

Let yourself feel the good feelings too.

Yes, sometimes-good feelings can be as distracting as the painful, more difficult ones. Yes, good feelings can be anxiety producing to those of us unaccustomed to them. But go ahead and feel the good feelings anyway.
Feel and accept the joy. The love. The warmth. The excitement. The pleasure. The satisfaction. The elation. The tenderness. The comfort.

Let yourself feel the victory, the delight.
Let yourself feel cared for.
Let yourself feel respected, important, and special.

These are only feelings, but they feel good. They are full of positive, upbeat energy - and we deserve to feel that when it comes our way.
We don't have to repress. We don't have to talk ourselves out of feeling good--not for a moment.

If we feel it, it's ours for the moment. Own it. If it's good, enjoy it.

Today, God, help me be open to the joy and good feelings available to me.

They say we have to feel the feelings before we can let them go. If we put up walls and shut down, we miss out on those good feelings.

[MajestyJo]

Some people think the Traditions are just for the groups. I have found them to be helpful tools to take outside of the rooms and apply them to my life. Perhaps a few other people should think that way, but then we can't tell anyone.

Sometimes they just don't get it. Sadly they take others with them.

I am responsible when anyone anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there, and for that, I am responsible.

Sadly they aren't looking for help, although I see it as such. They need the program just as much as the newcomer coming into the room. Many years in recovery can build up a surprising amount of ego and complacency

EGO - Easing God Out!

I have to be ever watchful that I don't slip back into old thinking and behaviors. This is a "WE" program, "We can do, what I can't do alone."

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[MajestyJo]

One More Day

November 11

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.

– Dag Hammarskjold

The first time we go through a festive season without our spouse or a dear friend or beloved child, we may wonder if we can get through it. Pity overwhelms us as we think,. Surely no one has felt as bad as I do right now. Pain increases our loneliness, and we feel crushed by the holiday preparations the rest of the world seems to be making.

We can struggle out of this self-imposed misery by using the strategies that have helped us cope with our chronic illnesses. Patience tells us that this too shall pass. Selflessness shows us others who need compassion more than we do. Spiritually reminds us that our pain and sadness can be entrusted to the loving care of our Higher Power.

I know the holidays can be difficult, and if I take them one day at a time. I will do just fine.

This is a one day at a time program. Holidays are just another 24 hours.

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[MajestyJo]

Service has always been a big part of my recovery. I started out by going to lots of meetings to find a group I felt comfortable in. My sponsor said, "Don't ask what the group can do for you, but what you can do for the group."

Back in my day, smoking was allowed, so it started in the kitchen cleaning coffee cups and ash trays. My favourite spot was at the door being a greeter.

I held several positions in my group, then got involved with other things when I got 2 years clean and sober and went to the local jail, detox, recovery house and sharing my story at different groups.

From there I tried to extend my hand to others and give to others in the community.

It helped me with my self-confidence and gave my life purpose and a reason for being.

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