Still Struggling with Sexual Fantasies

[leehop71]

Hey all,

Brand new here. I'm 60 and have only been a Christian for 13 years. I've struggled with pornography ever since I was a child and my online role playing and cyber-sex came crashing down on my in April of 2001!

I thought my family life was over and that I'd end up alone, divorced, and my only child (son now 21) never speaking to me again, so I hit my knees and asked God into my life!

It has been a tremendous journey ever since. My wife honored her vows and forgave me and stuck with me, and my son did the same as well!

I will eventually post my testimony here, but now I'm looking for some common ground to deal with an issue I've struggled with all my life.

Through 12 steps and Christ in my life, I was able to walk away from pornography and 99% of all sexual immorality. Praise God!!

There is only one area of my life that I still struggle with and it is two specific fantasies that haunt me from time to time.

My mother gave birth to me when she was 17 and she has a sister who is only 14 months old than me.

Every since I was a child, I've had sexual fantasies about both mom and my aunt, particularly my aunt.

I assumed they would dissipate with age and especially becoming a Christian, but they have not!!

It's very frustrating and I really would like to overcome this somehow.

Yes I've prayed and prayed and it has helped some, but I even often have dreams about my aunt even though the dreams and fantasies always depict us as young adults, not the ages we are now!

Trying to play psychologist, I've often wondered if maybe the reason they seem to have hung on with me all this time, is because they are fantasies that I know would never ever come true, today, or even back when we were all younger and more susceptible. Somehow I feel safe having those because they could never become real???

If anyone struggles with anything similar, please PM me. Also anyone who would be willing to put on a 'therapist' hat and help me down the road to recovery, I'd be eternally grateful.

It's really the only deliberate sin that I struggle with as a Christ follower and would really like to put it behind me!

Thanks and God bless,

Lee

[MajestyJo]

Thank you for sharing. Have you ever considered going to Sex Anonymous. When I had my AA group, the SA group approached me about using my space for their meeting. I went to a meeting and was told I didn't qualify. They didn't stay there too long because it wasn't private enough.

The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. I had to go for outside issues for myself. I went to counselling for sexual assault at 15 years sober.

The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of our life. What has always helped me, was going to my God and asking for the obsession to be lifted. It works, sometimes it isn't in my time, sometimes I want a quick fix, but in truth, there is healing, awareness, and lessons to be learned.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRGLECq_Vz9NaqU8B3xtmtdMwgSV7H7y tSLkcvrZ5Zz3hU7HuzSHg

[leehop71]

Thank you for sharing. Have you ever considered going to Sex Anonymous. When I had my AA group, the SA group approached me about using my space for their meeting. I went to a meeting and was told I didn't qualify. They didn't stay there too long because it wasn't private enough.

The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. I had to go for outside issues for myself. I went to counselling for sexual assault at 15 years sober.

The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of our life. What has always helped me, was going to my God and asking for the obsession to be lifted. It works, sometimes it isn't in my time, sometimes I want a quick fix, but in truth, there is healing, awareness, and lessons to be learned.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRGLECq_Vz9NaqU8B3xtmtdMwgSV7H7y tSLkcvrZ5Zz3hU7HuzSHg

I have been in recovery for ponography for 13 years. 13 years sober 11 years free!

This fantasy/dream is very embarrassing and hard to talk to folks that don't or never have struggled with.

[MajestyJo]

Thank you for sharing, by sharing you lessen your load, and others will identify.

Personally, I see it is a human thing, and when it crosses the line, then only God can take it from us.

My computer was an addiction, and never wanted to get off line, built 15 site. I was more addicted to building them than maintaining them. They became an issue when it affect my relationship and life and they became the priority in my life. I resented the phone when it interrupted me.

I was grateful for the awareness when I heard, "Just because I have a feeling, doesn't mean I have to act on it."

You are not alone, others have walked where you have been and where you are at now.

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRQ-WYGHWrXTaWMNg3_bubrDZTasbUvad1xGBrgu8BU4_aUu0VKeQ

[leehop71]

Thank you for sharing, by sharing you lessen your load, and others will identify.

Personally, I see it is a human thing, and when it crosses the line, then only God can take it from us.

My computer was an addiction, and never wanted to get off line, built 15 site. I was more addicted to building them than maintaining them. They became an issue when it affect my relationship and life and they became the priority in my life. I resented the phone when it interrupted me.

I was grateful for the awareness when I heard, "Just because I have a feeling, doesn't mean I have to act on it."

You are not alone, others have walked where you have been and where you are at now.

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRQ-WYGHWrXTaWMNg3_bubrDZTasbUvad1xGBrgu8BU4_aUu0VKeQ

I've overcome just about every other deliberate known sin, but this thing has haunted me for 50 years!

I have had a response in one of the other forums.

I shared the details of my journey to a member who seemed willing to act as a therapist. This person is the ONLY one I've ever shared the details of my fantasies! It felt good by just sharing but I need to find someone with common ground willing to work with me.

It's frustrating because I know it's sin and do not like the fact that I still struggle with it!

It's not just as simple as trusting God and praying, which has been done for years! I need 12 step sponsor or therapist, but I would never feel comfortable sharing, let alone, paying someone to do this in person.

I feel comfortable with anonymity here!

[leehop71]

Also anyone who would be willing to put on a 'therapist' hat and help me down the road to recovery, I'd be eternally grateful.

[MajestyJo]

When I looked at SIN, I see soul in need. Is there something in your life that is missing, or you feel is missing.

We use "other" things to fill a void or cover up a pain or hurt. That is how addiction works. The drug is but a symptom of our disease, it is the dis-ease within us that has us reaching out for something outside of ourselves to make us feel better.

I am not a therapist by any means, all I try to do is share my experience, strength and hope. If you don't identify with me, that is okay. You helped me with your post. In today, I have been struggling with double chocolate donuts. It is the same mind set, and a lot of it is stuffing anger for me. My son is in active addiction, and sometimes as much as he tries to help me sometimes, he can be very verbally and mentally abusive. I can't take it on and take it personal, and I can't use other things, to stuff the feelings, but I have to take it to my God and let it go. I am diabetic and two donuts, two days in a row, is not good! I know it, but I ate them anyway. It is my thinking behind the substance that needs to change.