NA Just for Today - June 2014

[MajestyJo]

June 1

Keep Coming Back

"We don't have to be clean when we get here but, after the first meeting, we suggest that newcomers keep coming back and come back clean. We don't have to wait for an overdose or a jail sentence to get help from Narcotics."

Basic Text, p. 10

Very few of us arrive in NA brimming with willingness. Some of us are here because we are court-ordered to attend. Some have come to save our families. Some come in an effort to salvage a career teetering on the brink of ruin. It doesn't matter why we are here. It only matters that we are.

We have heard it said that "if we bring the body, the mind will follow." We may come to meetings with a chip on our shoulders. We may be one of those who sits in the back of the rooms with our arms folded across our chest, glaring threateningly at anyone who approaches us. Perhaps we leave before the final prayer.

But if we keep coming back, we find that our minds begin to open up. We start to drop our guard, and begin to really listen when others share. We may even hear someone talking with whom we can relate. We begin the process of change.

After some time in NA, we find that more than our minds have arrived in our meeting rooms. More importantly, our hearts have arrived, too. After that happens, the miracles really begin.

Just for today: I will strive to listen with an open mind to what I hear shared.

Heard in the rooms of recovery, "Keep coming so you don't have to come back." So many take it as permission to go back out and come when they are ready, unfortunately, many don't live to make it back.

[MajestyJo]

June 2

Sick And Tired

"We wanted an easy way out.... When we did seek help we were only looking for the absence of pain."

Basic Text, p. 5

Something's not working. In fact, something's been wrong for a long time, causing us pain and complicating our lives. The problem is that, at any given moment, it always appears easier to continue bearing the pain of our defects than to submit to the total upheaval involved in changing the way we live. We may long to be free of pain, but only rarely are we willing to do what's truly necessary to remove the source of pain from our lives.

Most of us didn't begin seeking recovery from addiction until we were "sick and tired of being tired and sick." The same is true of the lingering character defects we've carried through our lives. Only when we can't bear our shortcomings one moment longer, only when we know that the pain of change can't be as bad as the pain we're in today, are most of us willing to try something different.

Thankfully, the steps are always there, no matter what we're sick and tired of. The irony is that, as soon as we make the decision to begin the Twelve Step process, we realize our fears of change were groundless. The steps offer a gentle program of change, one step at a time. No single step is so frightening that we can't work it, by itself. As we apply the steps to our lives, we experience a change that frees us.

Just for today: No matter what prevents me from living a full, happy life, I know the program can help me change, a step at a time. I need not be afraid of the Twelve Steps.

That is how I felt when I came into recovery. I have been feeling the same feelings recently because of my pain that doesn't seem to let up, and yet when I get those feelings, I know I need to turn to my program.

[MajestyJo]

June 3

Direct And Indirect Amends

"We make our amends to the best of our ability."

Basic Text, p. 40

The Ninth Step tells us to make direct amends wherever possible. Our experience tells us to follow up those direct amends with long - lasting changes in our attitudes and our behavior - that is, with indirect amends. For example, say we've broken someone's window because we were angry. Looking soulfully into the eyes of the person whose window we've broken and apologizing would not be sufficient. We directly amend the wrong we've done by admitting it and replacing the window - we mend what we have damaged.

Then, we follow up our direct amends with indirect amends. If we've acted out on our anger, breaking someone's window, we examine the patterns of our behavior and our attitudes. After we repair the broken window, we seek to repair our broken attitudes as well - we try to "mend our ways." We modify our behavior, and make a daily effort not to act out on our anger.

We make direct amends by repairing the damage we do. We make indirect amends by repairing the attitudes that cause us to do damage in the first place, helping insure we won't cause further damage in the future.

Just for today: I will make direct amends, wherever possible. I will also make indirect amends, "mending my ways," changing my attitudes, and altering my behavior.

Amends were so important, especially about the part of not hurting others. That also included hurting me and making an amend to my God.

Indirect amends was getting involved in service. There were too many people long gone, or were in my life for a short time and their names were forgotten, so what I could do or say to them, I got involved with service, at the local jail, detox, recovery houses, community service, sharing my story at meetings, and just going to a meeting and sharing my experience, strength, and hope. I first got started at my home group in the kitchen and setting up the meetings and taking them down, secretary, literature, hospitals and institutions, General Service Rep and Inter-Group Rep. I also got involved with the Help Line and sponsored or was a temporary sponsor until they found someone who could give them the time they needed.

I truly don't think I would be clean and sober in today if it wasn't for service.

[MajestyJo]

June 4

Build, Don't Destroy

"Our negative sense of self has been replaced by a positive concern for others."

Basic Text, p. 16

Spreading gossip feeds a dark hunger in us. Sometimes we think the only way we can feel good about ourselves is to make someone else look bad by comparison. But the kind of self-esteem that can be purchased at another's expense is hollow and not worth the price.

How, then, do we deal with our negative sense of self? Simple. We replace it with a positive concern for others. Rather than dwell on our low self-esteem, we turn to those around us and seek to be of service to them. This may seem to be a way of avoiding the issue, but it's not. There's nothing we can do by dwelling on our low sense of self except work ourselves into a stew of self-pity. But by replacing our self-pity with active, loving concern for others, we become the kind of people we can respect.

The way to build our self-esteem is not to tear others down, but to build them up through love and positive concern. To help us with this, we can ask ourselves if we are contributing to the problem or to the solution. Today, we can choose to build instead of destroy.

Just for today: Though I may be feeling low, I don't need to tear someone down to build myself up. Today, I will replace my negative sense of self with a positive concern for others. I will build, not destroy.

Almost left the fellowship(s), because of gossip. As my sponsor use to say, "Jealousy and envy are deadly things." You have put a lot of work into your recovery, they can't have what you have unless they work for it." I didn't see it as work, it was about being willing to live and not die. Most didn't want to do 90 in 90, and I went to two meetings a day for two years, and at 10 years sober, until my health changed, I was doing 7-10 meetings a day because of service.

When I look at how often I come here and share, I am still going to lots of meetings. I laughed, I talked to my Al-Anon sponsor the other day. I said, "I probably talk and think recovery more than anyone going to a meeting a day."

I was told if you don't have a relationship, best I get involved in service. Service gave purpose to my life, whether people talked about me, shunned me, or talked behind my back. I wasn't there for them. It was what I needed to do for my recovery. I thought it was rather ironic, I didn't want a man in my life and wasn't looking for one and they found me. I had a lot of male friends, because I went to meetings all over the city. I wasn't looking for romance, after all I had been married twice and had been in several abusive relationships, why would I want to do that again. I would get friends with someone and behaviours reminded me of old ones that I had lived through before, and I would end it.

Don't feed the gossip, it will die down without fuel. Talk to the source, don't listen to hear say. Even in today, I don't go down to the common room or sit out on the benches out front of my building, it is all gossip. I don't have time for that.

[MajestyJo]

June 5

Honest Prayer

"Although honesty is difficult to practice, it is most rewarding."

Basic Text, p. 92

How difficult we find it to be honest! Many of us come to NA so confused about what really happened in our lives that it sometimes takes months and years to sort it all out. The truth of our history is not always as we have told it. How can we begin to be more truthful?

Many of us find it the easiest to be honest in prayer. With our fellow addicts, we sometimes find that we have a hard time telling the whole truth. We feel certain that we won't be accepted if we let others know us as we really are. It's hard to live up to the "terminally hip and fatally cool" image so many of us portrayed! In prayer, we find an acceptance from our Higher Power that allows us to open our hearts with honesty.

As we practice this honesty with the God of our understanding, we often find that it has a ripple effect in our communications with others. We get in the habit of being honest. We begin to practice honesty when we share at meetings and work with others. In return, we find our lives enriched by deepening friendships. We even find that we can be more honest with ourselves, the most important person to be truthful with!

Honesty is a quality that is developed through practice. It isn't always easy to be totally truthful, but when we begin with our Higher Power, we find it easier to extend our honesty to others.

Just for today: I will be honest with God, myself, and others.

A good reading, so true. It is why I need to get honest with me, with my God, before I can truly be honest with others.

So many times, when in a hurry, my prayers are said in rote, and sometimes they are okay, depending on the circumstances, as long as they are said with faith and an honest desire to not go back to old ways of being. Sometimes in a rush we say a prayer, but it is much better to take time, pray and remember that God answers knee mail.

[MajestyJo]

June 6

Recovery Doesn't Happen Overnight

"The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous are a progressive recovery process established in our daily living."

Basic Text, p. 96

After some time in recovery, we may find we are faced with what seem like overwhelming personal problems, angry feelings, and despair. When we realize what's going on, we may wail, "But I've been working so hard. I thought I was..." Recovered, maybe? Not hardly. Over and over, we hear that recovery is an ongoing process and that we are never cured. Yet we sometimes believe that if we just work our steps enough, pray enough, or go to enough meetings, we'll eventually... Well, maybe not be cured, but be something!

And we are "something." We're recovering-recovering from active addiction. No matter what we've dealt with through the process of the steps, there will always be more. What we didn't remember or didn't think was important in our first inventory will surely present itself later on. Again and again, we'll turn to the process of the steps to deal with what's bothering us. The more we use this process the more we'll trust it, for we can see the results. We go from anger and resentment to forgiveness, from denial to honesty and acceptance, and from pain to serenity.

Recovery doesn't happen overnight, and ours will never be complete. But each day brings new healing and the hope for more tomorrow.

Just for today: I will do what I can for my recovery today and maintain hope in the ongoing process of recovery.

I didn't get sick overnight, I don't recover quickly. Just for today, I choose not to use and apply the program to my life to the best of my ability. Through my God, all things are possible. Doesn't always happen in my time, but in today, I choose to wait on His will not mine.

Recovery isn't a band aid or a quick fix. It is a work in progress.

[MajestyJo]

June 7

Someone Who Believes In Me

"Just for today I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery."

Basic Text, p. 96

Not all of us arrive in NA and automatically stay clean. But if we keep coming back, we find in Narcotics Anonymous the support we need for our recovery. Staying clean is easier when we have someone who believes in us even when we don't believe in ourselves.

Even the most frequent relapser in NA usually has one staunch supporter who is always there, no matter what. It is imperative that we find that one person or group of people who believes in us. When we ask them if we will ever get clean, they will always reply, "Yes, you can and you will. Just keep coming back!"

We all need someone who believes in us, especially when we can't believe in ourselves. When we relapse, we undermine our already shattered self-confidence, sometimes so badly that we begin to feel utterly hopeless. At such times, we need the support of our loyal NA friends. They tell us that this can be our last relapse. They know from experience that if we keep coming to meetings, we will eventually get clean and stay clean.

It's hard for many of us to believe in ourselves. But when someone loves us unconditionally, offering support no matter how many times we've relapsed, recovery in NA becomes a little more real for us.

Just for today: I will find someone who believes in me. I will believe in them.

In the NA Basic Text I think it says, "I will find someone who believes me and will help me in my recovery." For me that is how the program works. We can do what I can't do alone.

[MajestyJo]

June 8

The Only Requirement

"This program offers hope. All you have to bring with you is the desire to stop using and the willingness to try this new way of life."

IP No. 16, "For the Newcomer"

From time to time we wonder if we're "doing it right" in Narcotics Anonymous. Are we attending enough meetings? Are we using our sponsor, or working the steps, or speaking, or reading, or living the "right" way? We value the fellowship of recovering addicts - we don't know what we'd do without it. What if the way we're practicing our program is "wrong?" Does that make us "bad" NA members?

We can settle our insecurities by reviewing our Third Tradition, which assures us that "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using." There aren't any rules that say we've got to attend this many meetings or these particular meetings, or work the "steps" this way at this pace, or live our lives to suit these people in order to remain NA members in good standing.

It's true that, if we want the kind of recovery we see in members we respect, well want to practice the kind of program that's made their recovery possible. But NA is a fellowship of freedom; we work the program the best way for us, not for someone else. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using.

Just for today: I will look at the program I'm working in light of my own recovery. I will practice that program to the best of my ability.

Always liked the phrase "A desire to stop using and a willingness to work the program." Don't look at quitting for ever and ever. Remember it is just for today. Just for today, I choose not to abuse myself or others.

[MajestyJo]

June 9

Old Dreams Needn't Die

"Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise."

Basic Text, p. 88

Most of us had dreams when we were young. Whether we dreamed of a dynamic career, a large and loving family, or travels abroad, our dreams died when our addiction took hold. Anything we ever wanted for ourselves was cast away in our pursuit of drugs. Our dreams didn't go beyond the next drug and the euphoria we hoped it would bring.

Now in recovery, we find a reason to hope that our lost dreams could still come true. No matter how old we are, how much our addiction has taken from us, or how unlikely it may seem, our freedom from active addiction gives us the freedom to pursue our ambitions. We may discover that we're very talented at something, or find a hobby we love, or learn that continuing our education can bring remarkable rewards.

We used to put most of our energy into spinning excuses and rationalizations for our failures. Today, we go forward and make use of the many opportunities life presents to us. We may be amazed at what we're capable of. With our foundation of recovery, success, fulfillment, and satisfaction are within our reach at last.

Just for today: Starting today, I'll do whatever I can to realize my dreams.

Each day is a new beginning, which give me sober. As long as I stay clean and sober, I have hope for a better tomorrow. If I don't dream big, I am limiting my God as to how He can work in my life. With God, if it is meant to be, it will be.

[MajestyJo]

June 10

Changing Motives

"When we finally get our own selfish motives out of the way, we begin to find a peace that we never imagined possible."

Basic Text, p. 44

As we examine our beliefs, our actions, and our motives in recovery, we'll find that sometimes we do things for the wrong reasons. In our early recovery, we may have spent a great deal of money and time on people, wanting only for them to like us. Later on, we may find that we still spend money on people, but our motives have changed. We do it because we like them. Or perhaps we used to get romantically involved because we felt hollow inside and were seeking fulfillment through another person. Now our reasons for romantic involvement are based in a desire to share our already rewarding lives with an equal partner. Maybe we used to work the steps because we were afraid we'd relapse if we didn't. Today we work the steps because we want to grow spiritually.

We have a new purpose in life today, and our changing motives reflect that. We have so much more to offer than our neediness and insecurities. We have developed a wholesomeness of spirit and a peace of mind that moves our recovery into a new realm. We extend our love and share our recovery with complete generosity, and the difference we make is the legacy we leave to those who have yet to join us.

Just for today: In recovery, my motives have changed. I want to do things for the right reason, not just for my personal benefit. Today, I will examine my motives.

As we grow in recovery, we become more aware, and we can see what served us in early recovery, no longer serves us in today. It was what we needed then, but as we change, we find self-honesty, we re-examine ourselves and look at our motives and our intent.

[MajestyJo]

June 11

Living Clean

"As we recover; we gain a new outlook on being clean.... Life can become a new adventure for us."

Basic Text, p. 88

The using life is not a clean one-no one knows this better than we do. Some of us lived in physical squalor, caring neither for our surroundings nor ourselves. Worse, though, than any external filth was the way most of us felt inside. The things we did to get our drugs, the way we treated other people, and the way we treated ourselves had us feeling dirty. Many of us recall waking too many mornings just wishing that, for once, we could feel clean about ourselves and our lives.

Today, we have a chance to feel clean by living clean. For us addicts, living clean starts with not using - after all, that's our primary use for the word "clean" in Narcotics Anonymous. But as we stay "clean" and work the Twelve Steps, we discover another kind of clean. It's the clean that comes from admitting the truth about our addiction rather than hiding or denying our disease. It's the freshness that comes from owning up to our wrongs and making amends for them. It's the vitality that comes from the new set of values we develop as we seek a Higher Power's will for us. When we practice the principles of our program in all our affairs, we have no reason to feel dirty about our lives or our lifestyles - we're living clean, and grateful to be doing so at last.

"Clean living" used to be just for the "squares." Today, living clean is the only way we'd have it.

Just for today: I feel clean because I'm living clean - and that's the way I want to keep it.

Living clean for me isn't just about not picking up my drug of choice, but not substituting it with something else. It all leads to the same soul sickness. Being clean, means cleansing the body, mind, and spirit and becoming whole. At one with myself and my God.

[MajestyJo]

June 12

A Vision Of Hope

"Yes, we are a vision of hope..."

Basic Text, p. 51

By the time we reached the end of our road, many of us had lost all hope for a life without the use of drugs. We believed we were destined to die from our disease. What an inspiration it was, then, coming to our first meeting and seeing a room full of addicts who were staying clean! A clean addict is, indeed, a vision of hope.

Today, we give that same hope to others. The newcomers see the joyful light in our eyes, notice how we carry ourselves, listen to us speak in meetings, and often want what we have found. They believe in us until they learn to believe in themselves.

Newcomers hear us carry a message of hope to them. They tend to see us through "rose-colored glasses," They don't always recognize our struggle with a particular character defect or our difficulties with improving our conscious contact with our Higher Power. It takes them time to realize that we, the "old-timers" with three or six or ten years clean, often place personalities before principles or suffer from some other unsightly character defects. Yes, the newcomer sometimes places us on a pedestal. It is good, though, to openly admit the nature of our struggles in recovery for, in time, the newcomer will be walking through those same trials. And that newcomer will remember that others walked through that difficulty and stayed clean.

Just for today: I will remember that I am a beacon to all who follow in my path, a vision of hope.

Threatened thunder storms all day and I had hoped it was going to pass us back, but it is just starting to happen. For me in recovery,it is about being safe, so turning off my TV and computer, and going to my bed.

[MajestyJo]

June 13

A Full Life

"The program works a miracle in our lives....We become free to live."

Basic Text, p. 11

Most of us-if we've been in recovery for any length of time at all-have heard some member complaining in a meeting about being terribly overworked, too busy for meetings or sponsorship or other activities. In fact, we may have been the complaining member. The days seem so full: job, family and friends, meetings, activities, sponsorship, step work. "There just aren't enough hours in the day;" the member complains, "to get everything done and meet everyone's demands on my time!"

When this happens, usually there's soft laughter from some of the other members-probably members who had planned to grumble about the same sort of thing. The laughter stems from our recognition that we are complaining about the miracle of the life that is ours today. Not so long ago, few of us were capable of having any of these "problems" in our life. We devoted all of our energy to maintaining our active addiction. Today we have full lives, complete with all the feelings and problems that go with living in reality.

Just for today: I will remember that my life is a miracle. Instead of resenting how busy I am, I will be thankful my life is so full.

Know the program worked for me, the woman that came into recovery is no more.

[MajestyJo]

June 14

Maintaining Our Faith

"If we maintain our spiritual condition daily, we find it easier to deal with the pain and confusion."

Basic Text, p. 92

When we first began searching for a Power greater than ourselves, many of us got stuck in old beliefs or ideas. These ranged from the fear of a punishing or vengeful God to no belief at all. Some of us felt we had done such terrible things that a loving Power would never have anything to do with us. Others were convinced that the "bad" things that happened to us would not have occurred if a loving Power had actually existed. It took time, effort, open-mindedness, and faith to acquire a working belief in a loving Higher Power that would guide us through life's challenges.

Even after we come to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, our old ideas can come back to haunt us. Major setbacks in our lives and the insecurity such events can trigger may give rise to the return of our old, inadequate ideas about God. When this happens, we need to assure ourselves that our Higher Power has not abandoned us but is waiting to help us make it through the hard times in our recovery. No matter how painful our loss may be, we will survive our setback and continue to grow if we maintain the faith our program has given us.

Just for today: I have worked hard to build my faith in a loving, caring Higher Power that will guide me through life's challenges. Today, I will trust that Power.

Faith grows the more you use it.

[MajestyJo]

June 15

Resistance To Change

"Many of us cling to our fears, doubts, self-loathing, or hatred because there is a certain distorted security in familiar pain. It seems safer to embrace what we know than to let go of it for the unknown."

Basic Text, p.33

We have often heard it said that "when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of changing, we will change" Our fear can keep us from growing, afraid to end relationships, change careers, attend new meetings, begin new friendships, or attempt anything out of the ordinary. We stay in situations that are no longer working far longer than we have to simply because what is familiar feels safer than the unknown. Any change involves overcoming fear. "What if I'm alone forever?" we might think if we consider leaving our lover. "What if I find out I'm incompetent?" we may wonder when we contemplate changing careers. We may balk at attending new meetings because we will have to reach out. Our minds manufacture a hundred excuses for remaining right where we are, afraid to try something new.

We find that most of our pain comes not from change but from resistance to change. In NA, we learn that change is how we move forward in our lives. New friends, new relationships, new interests and challenges will replace the old. With these new things in our lives, we find new joys and loves.

Just for today: I will release the old, embrace the new, and grow.

My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery. Why should I fight what is and want to stay in what was, and not take a second chance at living with gratitude for my sobriety (soundness of mind). It isn't a word that belongs to that OTHER fellowship, who heard tell of an addict having a sound mind. He may think he knows it all, but then there is the reality check and getting honest with oneself.

[MajestyJo]

June 16

Accepting Life

"Some things we must accept, others we can change. The wisdom to know the difference comes with growth in our spiritual program."

Basic Text, p.92

It's relatively easy to accept the things we like-it's the things we don't like that are hard to accept. But remaking the world and everyone in it to suit our tastes would solve nothing. After all, the idea that the world was to blame for all our problems was the attitude that kept us using-and that attitude nearly killed us.

In the course of working the steps, we begin to ask ourselves hard questions about the roles we ourselves have played in creating the unacceptable lives we've lived. In most cases, we've found that what needed changing was our own attitude and our own actions, not the people, places, and things around us.

In recovery, we pray for wisdom to know the difference between what can and can't be changed. Then, once we see the truth of our situation, we pray for the willingness to change ourselves.

Just for today: Higher Power, grant me the wisdom to know the difference between what can be changed and what I must accept. Please help me gratefully accept the life I've been given.

Acceptance has been the key to life. I was sharing with the nurse practiioner who came today to bandage my feet. With my arthritis and all the extra issues going on in today, it is important to accept what is. I ask myself what I need to do, how I can do it, and if I shouldn't do and leave it all up to my God.

Some days the pain feels not acceptable, but it is often what I did or didn't do, that got me to where I am in today. It doesn't have to be prior to recovery, I am still human and can get in the way of my health and well being. I sometimes ifnd myself just sitting in it, accepting what it is, but accepting that there are things I can do to make it better.

[MajestyJo]

June 17

Walls

"Reaching out is the beginning of the struggle that will set us free. It will break down the walls that imprison us."

Basic Text, p.80

Many of us came to NA emotionally shattered. Years of using people and allowing them to use us had taken their toll on our ability to trust anyone, ourselves included. But the love and acceptance we found in Narcotics Anonymous encouraged us to reach out and get close to others.

The longer we stayed clean, the more we began to long for greater intimacy with our loved ones. We began reaching out in deeper, more meaningful ways, even though we might get hurt. Despite our fears of rejection, we decided to risk revealing ourselves, our beliefs, and our needs. We decided to let down our defensive walls.

The freedom we've found has been worth the risk involved. We know there is still work to do before we will be completely free of the barriers built by years of active addiction. But by reaching out to other addicts and allowing them to reach out to us, despite our human failings, we have come to know that we have a great capacity for love and intimacy. When set free of their restraining walls, our hearts hold great power.

Just for today: I will let down my personal walls and reach out to others. I will allow my heart the freedom to love and be loved.

This was a big thing in my recovery. The walls were tall and thick and had to be taken down, one brick at a time. Sometimes I sabotaged myself,and would build a few bricks back, only to have to take it down again. One of the scariest things for me in recovery was to allow myself to be vulnerable.

[MajestyJo]

June 18

Indirect Amends

"Indirect amends may be necessary where direct ones would be unsafe or endanger other people."

Basic Text, p.40

When we used, we allowed nothing to stand in the way of that next high. As a result, many of us didn't always know precisely whom we had injured, either financially or emotionally. When it came time to make amends through our Ninth Step, we found that there were so many people we had victimized that we might never remember them all.

With the help of our sponsor and other recovering members of NA, we found a solution to this obstacle. We vowed to complete these nameless amends by making restitution to our communities. We focused our service efforts on helping the still-suffering addict. In this manner, we found a way to give back to society.

Today, with the love and guidance of members in NA, we are giving back to the world around us rather than taking. We are making our communities better places to live by carrying the message of recovery to those we encounter in our daily lives.

Just for today: I will make indirect amends by reaching out to an addict who may need help. I will strive in some small way to make my community a better place in which to live.

Because I did most of my using up north of where I am in today, a had a lot of indirect amends. My son wasn't open to any talk about the program or anything about my life in active addiction. He couldn't get by the anger, so it helped me to help the young people who came into recoovery, male and female. I allowed the guys to be themselves and they looked at me as someone who was safe and were able to talk to me.

It says to make an amend, except when to do so would hurt others. I also figured I figured into that equation.

[MajestyJo]

June 19

A Sense Of Humor

"We find that when we lose self-obsession, we are able to understand what it means to be happy, joyous, and free."

Basic Text, p.103

The laughter in our meetings often surprises the newcomer. As a group, we appreciate the healing that healthy laughter brings. Even if we are deeply troubled, the joy that often fills the meeting rooms allows us, for a time, to have some fun with our recovery. Through humor, we can be temporarily relieved of our obsession with self.

Life on life's terms is often anything but funny. But if we can keep a sense of humor about us, things that might overwhelm us can be made bearable. How often have we allowed ourselves to be upset by incidents that, taken with a bit of humor, are not all that intolerable? When we become annoyed with people and events, a search for the humor in the situation can put things in a brighter perspective. An ability to find humor in a difficult situation is a gift to develop.

Just for today: I will look to find the humor in adversity. When I make mistakes, I will find a way to laugh at the humor of my imperfections.

Mine hasn't made itself known too often the last few days. Said to the Property Manager the other day, if I didn't laugh, I would cry. The last couple of days pain has won out and masked it. It was enough is enough already. As they say, "This too shall pass."

[MajestyJo]

June 20

Meditation For Beginners

"For some, prayer is asking for God's help; meditation is listening for God's answer. Quieting the mind through meditation brings an inner peace that brings us into contact with the God within us."

Basic Text, pp.44-45

"Be patient when you're learning to meditate," many of us were told. "It takes practice to know what to ‘listen’ for."

We're glad someone told us that, or many of us would have quit after a week or two of meditating. For the first few weeks, we may have sat each morning, stilled our thoughts, and "listened", just as the Basic Text said-but "heard" nothing. It may have taken a few more weeks before anything really happened. Even then, what happened was often barely noticeable. We were rising from our morning meditations feeling just a little better about our lives, a little more empathy for those we encountered during the day, and a little more in touch with our Higher Power.

For most of us, there was nothing dramatic in that awareness - no bolts of lightning or claps of thunder. Instead, it was something quietly powerful. We were taking time to get our egos and our ideas out of the way. In that clear space, we were improving our conscious contact with the source of our daily recovery, the God of our understanding. Meditation was new, and it took time and practice. But, like all the steps, it worked - when we worked it.

Just for today: I will practice "listening" for knowledge of God's will for me, even if I don't know what to "listen" for yet.

Learning to quiet the mind so that you can hear Good Orderly Direction.

[MajestyJo]

June 21
New Levels Of Honesty

"We have been experts at self-deception and rationalization."

Basic Text, p. 27
When we come to our first meeting and hear that we must be honest, we may think, "Well now, that shouldn't be too difficult. All I have to do is stop lying." To some of us, this comes easily. We no longer have to lie to our employers about our absence from work. We no longer have to lie to our families about where we were the night before. By not using drugs anymore, we find we have less to lie about. Some of us may have difficulty even with this kind of honesty, but at least learning not to lie is simple - you just don't do it, no matter what. With courage, determined practice, the support of our fellow NA members, and the help of our Higher Power, most of us eventually succeed at this kind of honesty.

Honesty, though, means more than just not lying. The kind of honesty that is truly indispensable in recovery is self-honesty, which is neither easy nor simple to achieve. In our addiction, we created a storm of self-deception and rationalization, a whirlwind of lies in which the small, quiet voice of self-honesty could not be heard. To become honest with ourselves, we first must stop lying to ourselves. In our Eleventh Step meditations, we must become quiet. Then, in the resulting stillness, we must listen for truth. When we become silent, self-honesty will be there for us to find.

Just for today: I will be quiet and still, listening for the voice of truth within myself. I will honor the truth I find.

Like this, true self-honest takes a lot of healing and awareness.

Step Three in the AA Big Book, asked us to listen for the quiet and in the stillness say the Serenity Prayer.

Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to begin the practice of Step Three. In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done."

This may be from that 'other' fellowship, but the words are the same even though the substance may not be your drug of choice.

[MajestyJo]

July 22

Spiritual Death

"For us, to use is to die, often in more ways than one."

Basic Text, p.78

As newcomers, many of us came to our first meeting with only a small spark of life remaining. That spark, our spirit, wants to survive. Narcotics Anonymous nurtures that spirit. The love of the fellowship quickly fans that spark into a flame. With the Twelve Steps and the love of other recovering addicts, we begin to blossom into that whole, vital human being our Higher Power intended us to be. We begin to enjoy life, finding purpose in our existence. Each day we choose to stay clean, our spirit is revitalized and our relationship with our God grows. Our spirit becomes stronger each day we choose life by staying clean.

Despite the fact that our new life in recovery is rewarding, the urge to use can sometimes be overwhelming. When everything in our lives seems to go wrong, a return to using can seem like the only way out. But we know what the consequence will be if we use - the loss of our carefully nurtured spirituality. We have traveled too far along the spiritual path to dishonor our spirit by using. Snuffing the spiritual flame we have worked so hard to restore in our recovery is too dear a price to pay for getting high.

Just for today: I am grateful that my spirit is strong and vital. Today, I will honor that spirit by staying clean.

Using was never an option, when I use, I block the healing Spirit from reaching me.

Tonight I am too tired and in too much pain to post.

[MajestyJo]

June 23

Surrender

"We didn't stumble into this fellowship brimming with love, honesty, open-mindedness, or willingness....When we were beaten, we became willing."

Basic Text, p. 20

Surrender may be the necessary foundation for recovery, but sometimes we fight it. Most of us look back after some clean time and wonder why on earth we fought so hard to deny our powerlessness when surrender is what finally saved our lives.

As we recover, new opportunities to surrender present themselves. We can either struggle with everyone and everything we encounter or we can recall the benefits of our first surrender and stop fighting.

Most of the pain we experience comes from fighting, not surrendering. In fact, when we surrender, the pain ends and hope takes its place. We begin to believe that all will be well and, after some time, realize that our lives are much better as a result. We feel the same way we did when we gave up the illusion that we could control our using-relieved, free, and filled with fresh hope.

Just for today: Is there a surrender I need to make today? I will remember my first surrender and remind myself that I don't need to fight anymore.

When I surrender I am empowered to do what I need to do to stay clean and sober. Just for today, I choose not to use, no matter what.

[MajestyJo]

June 24

Tolerance

"...ever reminding us to place principles before personalities."

Tradition Twelve

Sometimes it's hard to accept others' character defects. As we recover together, we not only listen to others talk in meetings, we also watch how they walk through their recovery. The more we get to know other members, the more we become aware of how they live their lives. We may form opinions about how they "work their program." We may find that certain members upset us, or we may even hear ourselves say, "If I worked their program, I would surely use."

We have found tolerance to be a principle that not only strengthens our own recovery but also our relationships with individuals who are a source of irritation to us. It becomes easier to accept other members' frailties when we remember that we ourselves rarely turn over our own character defects until we become painfully aware of them.

Just for today: I will strive to accept others as they are. I will try not to judge others. I will focus on the principles of love and acceptance.

A newcomer asked me at a NA meeting one night, "Why do they always say 'Principles before personalities' over and over again?" I said, "Because we have short term memory loss!" They say it so we won't forget.

When I see the word "tolerance" I remember what I was told, "Be careful of what you pray for, you just might get it. If you pray for patience and tolerance, you get things to tolerate to test your patience on.

We are all sick, me I was one of the really sick ones, and it took me a long time to recover from the insanity of this dis-ease we have.

[MajestyJo]

June 25

Not Just Lucky

"The process of coming to believe restores us to sanity. The strength to move into action comes from this belief."

Basic Text p. 24

Coming to believe is a process that stems from personal experience. Each of us has this experience; all addicts who find recovery in NA have solid evidence of a benevolent Power acting for good in their lives. Those of us who are recovering today, after all, are the fortunate ones. Many, many addicts die from our disease, never to experience what we have found in Narcotics Anonymous.

The process of coming to believe involves a willingness to recognize miracles for what they are. We share the miracle of being here clean, and each of us has other miracles that await only our acknowledgment. How many car accidents or overdoses or other near-catastrophes have we survived? Can we look back at our lives and see that we were not just "lucky"? Our experience in recovery, too, gives us examples of a Higher Power working for our good.

When we can look back at the evidence of a loving Higher Power acting on our behalf, it becomes possible to trust that this Higher Power will continue to help us in the future. And trust offers us the strength to move forward.

Just for today: My recovery is more than coincidence. My strength comes from the knowledge that my Higher Power has never let me down and will continue to guide me.

Don't like the word lucky. I grew up believing "something that is God given." If there is luck, it is often of our making because we did the do things, followed the guidance and thoughts we were given to bring things about. But then there is 'dumb' luck, which often brings people to think they can do things without the God of their understanding or the misunderstood their God and followed their own will, which let them to what they wanted, rather than waiting on His/Her will.

[MajestyJo]

June 26

Surrendering Self-Will

"Our fears are lessened and faith begins to grow as we learn the true meaning of surrender. We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt, self-pity, or depression."

Basic Text p. 26

Surrender is the beginning of a new way of life. When driven primarily by self-will, we constantly wondered whether we'd covered all the bases, whether we'd manipulated that person in just the right way to achieve our ends, whether we'd missed a critical detail in our efforts to control and manage the world.

We either felt afraid, fearing our schemes would fail; angry or self-pitying when they fell through; or guilty when we pulled them off. It was hard, living on self-will, but we didn't know any other way.

Not that surrender is always easy. On the contrary, surrender can be difficult, especially in the beginning. Still, it's easier to trust God, a Power capable of managing our lives, than to trust only ourselves, whose lives are unmanageable. And the more we surrender, the easier it gets.

When we turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power, all we have to do is our part, as responsibly and conscientiously as we can. Then we can leave the results up to our Higher Power. By surrendering, acting on faith, and living our lives according to the simple spiritual principles of this program, we can stop worrying and start living.

Just for today: I will surrender self-will. I will seek knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry it out. I will leave the results in my Higher Power's hands.

My sister said to me a few months ago, "You were never known for your will power." What I had was a lot of wilfulness and attitude.

What I didn't have was a lot of won't power.

[MajestyJo]

June 27

Change And Growth

"When someone points out a shortcoming, our first reaction may be defensive. There will always be room for growth."

Basic Text, p. 35

Recovery is a process that brings about change in our lives. We need that change if we are to continue our growth toward freedom. It's important that we remain open-minded when others point out our shortcomings, for they are bringing to light opportunities for us to change and grow. Reacting defensively limits our ability to receive the help they are offering us; letting go of our defenses opens the door to change, growth, and new freedom.

Each day in the recovery process will bring an opportunity for further change and growth. The more we learn to greet change with an open mind and heart, the more we will grow and the more comfortable we will become with our recovery.

Just for today: I will greet each opportunity for growth with an open mind.

If there isn't a willingness to change, there is no growth.

Even my son, who is a self-admitted addict, who has been in treatment several times, quoted to me yesterday, "Nothing changes, if nothing changes."

[MajestyJo]

June 28, 2014

Group conscience

Page 186

"Working with others is only the beginning of service work."

Basic Text, p. 59

Service work calls for a selfless devotion to carrying the message to the still-suffering addict. But our attitude of service cannot stop there. Service also requires that we look at ourselves and our motives. Our efforts at service make us highly visible to the fellowship. In NA, it is easy to become a "big fish in a little pond." Our controlling attitude can easily drive away the newcomer.

Group conscience is one of the most important principles in service. It is vital to remember that the group conscience is what counts, not just our individual beliefs and desires. We lend our thoughts and beliefs to the development of a group conscience. Then when that conscience arises, we accept its guidance. The key is working with others, not against them. If we remember that we strive together to develop a collective conscience, we will see that all sides have equal merit. When all the discussions are over, all sides will come back together to carry a unified message.

It is often tempting to think that we know what is best for the group. If we remember that it doesn't matter if we get our way, then it is easier to allow service to be the vehicle it is intended to be - a way to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.

Just for Today: I will take part in the development of group conscience. I will remember that the world won't end just because I don't get my way. I will think about our primary purpose in all my service efforts. I will reach out to a newcomer.

If your group isn't getting newcomers, may I suggest a group conscience meeting.

[MajestyJo]

June 29

Keeping Recovery Fresh

"Complacency is the enemy of members with substantial clean time. If we remain complacent for long, the recovery process ceases."

Basic Text, p.80

After the first couple of years in recovery, most of us start to feel like there are no more big deals. If we've been diligent in working the steps, the past is largely resolved and we have a solid foundation on which to build our future. We've learned to take life pretty much as it comes. Familiarity with the steps allows us to resolve problems almost as quickly as they arise.

Once we discover this level of comfort, we may tend to treat it as a "rest stop" on the recovery path. Doing so, however, discounts the nature of our disease. Addiction is patient, subtle, progressive, and incurable. It's also fatal-we can die from this disease, unless we continue to treat it. And the treatment for addiction is a vital, ongoing program of recovery.

The Twelve Steps are a process, a path we take to stay a step ahead of our disease. Meetings, sponsorship, service, and the steps always remain essential to ongoing recovery. Though we may practice our program somewhat differently with five years clean than with five months, this doesn't mean the program has changed or become less important, only that our practical understanding has changed and grown. To keep our recovery fresh and vital, we need to stay alert for opportunities to practice our program.

Just for today: As I keep growing in my recovery, I will search for new ways to practice my program.

When in doubt, go to a meetings. If you can't get to a meeting, pick up the phone. If you don't have phone numbers, it is best you get them. They were a big part of my recovery. I lost my phone book once and I filled up with fear, because I felt that withoui those numbers, I would relapse. I was fortunate, I didn't lose them all. I was living with my friend and she had copied most of them to the directory on her phone.

When I need to freshen my recovery, I go back to basics.

[MajestyJo]

June 30

Maintaining The Foundation

"Our newly found faith serves as a firm foundation for courage in the future."

Basic Text p. 93

The foundation of our lives is what the rest of our lives is built upon. When we were using, that foundation affected everything we did. When we decided that recovery was important, that's where we began to put our energy. As a result, our whole lives changed. In order to maintain those new lives, we must maintain the foundation of those lives: our recovery program.

As we stay clean and our lifestyles change, our priorities will also change. Work and school may become important because they improve the quality of our lives. And new relationships may bring excitement and mutual support. But we need to remember that our recovery program is the foundation upon which our new lives are built. Each day, we must renew our commitment to recovery, maintaining that as our top priority.

Just for today: I want to continue enjoying the life I've found in recovery. Today, I will take steps to maintain my foundation.

A good topic, all structures need maintenance. Steps 10,11, and 12 are for that purpose.