More Recovery Readings - September

[bluidkiti]

September 1

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. --Sir Rabindranath Tagore
In the darkness of early morning, the bird outside the window begins to sing. Soon the eastern sky turns pink. The bird continues singing until the first yellow rays warm its soft wings. Then it flies away, not returning to the window until the next morning.
We can learn from the small bird how to have faith. We don't need to wait for something we want before having faith we'll get it. We can begin to show our faith by celebrating the things we usually take for granted. After all, when we take something for granted, isn't that a selfish form of faith? We can start by singing a song to celebrate the new day. A day that will warm our hearts and shed light on our actions. Like the bird's faith in the sunrise, we need only to have faith that God meant each day to enrich our lives.
What faith can I celebrate right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe. --Carl Sagan
Everything is given to us. Our lives came forth with no plan on our part. We have no lease on life and no control, ultimately, over any possession. In the addictive and codependent families most of us came from, we learned something else. We learned a lonely arrogance that said, "I should be self sufficient. I have earned everything that ever came to me." Deep down we probably knew how untrue that was, and we felt great self-doubt.
The cure we learn in this program for our lonely arrogance is a miracle and a blessing. We accept that we are part of a larger whole. Now it dawns on us - all of our friends and relatives share this basic powerlessness. We are all pilgrims. We are all guests. We are all stewards of creation. We can be close, and we must help one another because everyone is equally vulnerable.
I am grateful to my Higher Power today for the life, which has been given me. I pray for greater understanding of my responsibilities.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Success can only be measured in terms of distance traveled. --Mavis Gallant
We are forever moving from one experience to another, one challenge to another, and one relationship to another. Our ability to handle confidently all encounters is a gift of the program, and one that accompanies us throughout every day, providing we humbly express gratitude for it. Success is ours when we are grateful.
We are not standing still. No matter how uneventful our lives may seem, we are traveling toward our destiny, and all the thrills and tears, joys and sorrows, are contributing to the success of our trip. Every day, every step, we are succeeding.
We can reflect on yesterday, better yet, on last week or even last year. What were our problems? It's doubtful we can even remember them. We have put distance between them and us. They were handled in some manner. We have succeeded in getting free of them. We have succeeded in moving beyond them.
How far we have come! And we will keep right on traveling forward. As long as we rely on the program, we are assured of success.
I can do whatever I need to do, today, with success, when I humbly accept the program's gifts.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Patience
Sometimes we get what we want right away. At other times, we wonder if our desires will ever be fulfilled.
We will be fulfilled in the best way possible and as quickly as possible. But some things take time. Sometimes, we have lessons to learn first, lessons that prepare us so we can accept the good we deserve. Things are being worked out in us, and in others. Blocks in us are being removed. A solid foundation is being laid.
Be patient, Relax and trust. Let go. Then, let go some more. Good things are planned for us. We will receive them at the first available moment. We will have all our heart longs for. Relax and trust.
Today, I will identify what I want and need; then, I'll be willing to let go of it. I will devote my energy to living my life today, so I may master my lessons as quickly as possible. I will trust that what I want and need is coming to me. I will let go of my need to control the details.

Today I know I am worthy of having success in my life. I am listening what I tell myself with gentleness and love, putting a stop to any self-talk that does not make me feel good about myself. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Make It a Labor of Love

The mirror was framed with a ceramic octopus. It had the sweetest, most peaceful energy. It made me smile when I saw it. “Do you like it?’ my friend asked. “Arnold made it.” That’s when I knew why it was so delightful. It’s energy– delightful, joyous, and sweet– was Arnold’s energy.

The things we create have energy. A meal we cook. A task we perform, no matter how big or small. What we do contains our energy– the emotional energy and attitude we put into it. Have you ever cooked a meal when you felt angry and disrupted, hurried and harried? Have you noticed the difference when you cooked that meal in a loving frame of mind? Merely doing the job isn’t always enough. We need to do the job with our best energy, our most positive emotional and mental attitude.

Take time before you begin a task to become conscious of the energy you want to put into it, the energy you want that task to have and reflect to yourself and others. Make conscious, deliberate choices. The larger the task, the more time you may want to spend developing your ideas about it. On particularly significant projects, you may want to spend time visualizing and writing down your ideas, so you can focus that energy into your work. Experiment with this idea. See how it comes to life as you do your daily tasks. See how much better the people around you feel when you do your tasks in love. See how much more joy and pleasure work brings to you.

There is honor in all work, in all tasks, but take it one step further. Make what you do a labor of love. Then your work will truly touch and change the world in the way you desire. The work you do, whatever your chosen field, will be work that heals.

*****

more language of letting go for September
Learn to say I am

We hear a lot about becoming whole. "Become a complete human being." "Start on the pathway to becoming whole." "You won't find romantic love until you know you're complete." Frankly, these kinds of comments often confused me. But then I decided that wholeness relates directly to the process of detaching and letting go.

It's admirable to go after our dreams and know what we want to accomplish. But after we identify what it is we're after, we need to let it go. We need to know in our hearts and souls that we're okay whether we ever get what we're after or not.

Another friend described it this way. "It's the old Zen Buddhist thing," he said. "When you're one with yourself, life becomes magical. You can get whatever you want."

The most powerful and magical words we can say in the language of letting go are these: I am.

Then we step it up one notch by learning to say, I am complete just as I am.

God, help me know the power of the words I am.

*****

Sending Yourself Sunshine
Good Thoughts for the Day

The more we accept our darkness as one part of the picture, the more easily we can also allow and accept our light.


When things go wrong, it is easy to get into a bad mood, and that bad mood has a way of spiraling out and affecting our life for days to come. In the same way, when we feel badly about ourselves, we tend to act in ways that have repercussions, again creating a negative vibe that can negatively influence the next several days. While it is important that we allow ourselves to feel what we feel, and to be genuine, we do not have to completely surrender to a dark mood or feelings of self-doubt. In fact, the more we simply allow and accept our darkness as one part of the picture, the more easily we can also allow and accept our light. In this vein, we can temper our grey moods with an injection of sunshine in the form of sending good wishes to ourselves for the next 24 hours.

If you feel a bad mood coming on or find yourself plagued with negative feelings, take a moment to acknowledge that. At the same time, recognize that things can and will change, and that you can still have a good day, or a good week, especially if you take the time to visualize that for yourself. This is a great way to support yourself when you are working through tough times and hard feelings. When you visualize good things for yourself, you are sending yourself love and warmth, as well as encouraging yourself to keep going.

Before you even get out of bed in the morning, you can take the time to send good wishes to yourself all the way through to the next morning. As you picture your day, take the time to fill in the details—where you are going, who you will see, what you will do—and send love and good wishes ahead to yourself, as well as everyone you encounter. It will be like arriving in a new place and finding that an old friend has sent a bouquet of flowers from back home to welcome you and remind you that you are loved. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 1

Reflection For The Day

Based on their collective experience, The Program’s founders suggested a prayer to be said when taking the Third Step – and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. “God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy Love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always!” Have I abandoned myself to God as I understood Him?

Today I pray

I praise my Higher Power for my freedom to find my own understanding of God. May my life be God’s whether i think of Him as a Father whose hand and spirit I can touch with an upward reach of my own, or as a universal Spirit that I can merge with as the hard outlines of my “self”begin to melt, or as a core of Divine and absolute goodness inside myself. May I know Him well, whether I find Him within me, without me or in all things everywhere.

Today I Will Remember

I thank God, as I understand Him, for my understanding of Him.

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One More Day
September 1

Spirituality is like a bird: if you hold on to it tightly, it chokes, and if you hold it loosely, it escapes.
– Israel Salanter Lipkin

Being spiritual does not necessarily mean being religious. Instead, it can be an awakening of our deepest personal sense of caring about other people, as well as an awakening of our appreciation of the joy, symmetry, and balance of nature.

The spirituality we strive for and which comforts us best is based on our finding a similar balance within ourselves. When we possessively clutch our faith and expect all that we demand, our spirituality is weakened. Yet, if we expect nothing of it, it might seem to disappear. Our spiritual lives are strengthened as we find that precious balance between expectant trust in our Higher Power and responsible reliance on ourselves.

I am striving to find fullness and balance in my days. Certain experiences change the balance, but I can find it again.

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Food For Thought

Twenty-Four Hours a Day

We practice the OA principles in all our affairs, twenty-four hours a day. Ours is not a diet program but a way of life. When we were eating compulsively, food occupied the central place in our lives every day. Abstinence replaces food as our prime concern, and maintaining abstinence means working the program.

When we do this, we are amazed at how well the day goes. Our work is easier and more productive. We spend less time and energy hassling with ourselves and other people. Best of all, we do not always have to be right. Being able to admit mistakes delivers us from egocentricity.

Being straight with ourselves enables us to be straight with others, and they in turn respond more positively. We are less concerned that everyone likes us and more concerned about growth in the program. By placing principles before personalities, we get less snarled up in confused, game playing relationships.

May You be foremost in my mind, twenty-four hours a day.

[bluidkiti]

September 2

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind. --Bob Dylan
A family is like a windchime; each member hangs in delicate balance with the others. When a problem develops for one family member, the rest of us often take on roles to try and deal with the situation. But what happens to our windchime when we're all pulling and pushing in different directions? Our balance is lost and we either all clash together or none of our chimes connect at all and there is only painful silence.
If we let go and trust in that spiritual force beyond ourselves, we discover that it is like the wind. It moves our windchime gently with a soothing breeze that allows us to relax in our places or move together as the force directs us. It brings out the beautiful harmonious notes we weren't able to produce ourselves.
How can I help us make better music together today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. --Geoffrey Norman
Exercise changes our thought patterns in beneficial ways. Often we may feel irritable or blue and see nothing we can do about the situation. Then we are amazed at what simply going for a half hour walk will do. Although our situations don't change, we are changed in how we respond to them. Exercise - whether going for a walk, working in the garden, playing ball, or scrubbing a floor - clears our minds. After some physical movement we find our thoughts getting clearer. Ideas come to mind that help us cope, and our spirit is energized.
Science has demonstrated that many serious cases of depression respond just as well to a program of vigorous daily exercise as to traditional treatment. In a sense, our Higher Power speaks to us through our muscles and bones when we move them. This spiritual experience, like many others, never comes from thinking about it, only from doing it.
Today, I will make time for physical activity.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
If I had to describe something as divine it would be what happens between people when they really get it together. There is a kind of spark that makes it all worthwhile. When you feel that spark, you get a good feeling deep in your gut. --June L. Tapp
How lucky we are, that we can experience that divine spark with one another, and with all recovering women. The program offers us the chance, every moment of our lives from this day forward, to experience divinity. All we are asked to do is be there, for one another, to share fully who we are. Vulnerability gets easier as we learn that we can trust each other, that we can share pain, that it's okay to pull and prod and follow, first you and then me and then her.
What a thrill it is to leave our competition behind! The program bonds us together, and the bond will strengthen each of us, but it can elude us, too. It often does when we forget to be there, in one another's presence, when the opportunity comes.
I need these sparks to nurture my growth, singly and collectively. I will be part of a divine experience today.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Detaching with Love with Children
It's one thing to let go of my husband and let him suffer the consequences. But how do I let go of my children? Isn't it different with children? Don't we have responsibilities as parents?
We do have different responsibilities to our children than to other adults. We are financially responsible for our children; we are responsible for providing for their material and physical needs.
Our children need to be taught how to help themselves - from tying their shoes to making social plans. They need our love and guidance. They need consistent enforcement of boundaries, once we've established limits. They need a supportive, nurturing environment in which to grow. They need help learning values.
But we are not responsible for controlling our children. Contrary to popular belief, controlling doesn't work. Discipline and nurturing do - if combined. Shame and guilt interfere with our children's learning and our parenting. We need to respond to our children in a responsible way and hold them accountable for their actions at an age appropriate level. We need only do our best.
We can let our children have their own process of living; we can have our own process. And, we can take care of ourselves during that process. Seek balance. Seek wisdom, Seek not to have control, but to own our power as people who are parents.
Today, God, help me find an appropriate balance of responsibility to my children. Help me parent through nurturing and discipline, instead of control.

All my needs are being met easily and effortlessly today. I simply turn them over to my Higher Power and do the footwork. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Listen to the Voice of the Soul

Listen to your soul. It speaks quietly, yet clearly, about what it wants, what it needs, what it’s learning, what it yearns for. It speaks of its fears and dreams, its hopes and needs.

Learn to listen to the souls of others,too. Listen not only to the way people chatter and exchange ideas. Learn to listen to what they’re really saying.

“My son is nineteen. He’s moved away from home. He talks all the time about wanting to be grown up, wanting his independence. So my husband and I have really tried to give him his freedom,” one woman said. “Yet recently, when he had a crisis, I heard for the first time what he was really saying. Don’t go too far. Call me often. Be there for me. Let me know you’re there.Let me know you still care. Now I try to call him every day, just to tell him I love him and to let him know I’m close by. The crisis he had wasn’t the issue. Not really. What he was really saying was he needed us.”

Go beyond what you hear with your ears. Learn to hear what you’re really saying, and what others are really saying to you.

Souls do talk. Listen quietly. Listen to your own. Learn to hear the voice of others. A little soul talk goes a long way.

*****

more language of letting go
Coping devices

We may do less-than-logical things to cope with tragic events. We don't do these things because we're silly. We do them because it's the only way we know to survive.

One of the silliest things we do to cope with life is devaluing ourselves when bad things happen to us.

We might have experienced a lot of pain while we were growing up. So as a child we looked around and said, "Yup. This must be my fault. There's something wrong with me." Or, "I know if I would have kept my room cleaner, my daddy wouldn't have gone away."

Low self-esteem-- and all the ways it manifests-- becomes a way of coping with painful events. We look around and see all the people who don't appear to have our level of problems, so we may conclude. "There's something wrong with me." Although adapting a posture of low self-esteem might have been a way of surviving pain, that time has passed. It's time to replace low self-esteem with new perspectives.

Stop coping with events bt devaluing yourself. Instead, respond to life by loving and taking care of yourself.

Love yourself just as you are.


God, help me love myself for who I am now.

Activity: Do a review of your self-esteem. Go back over past events from your childhood, teenage, and adult years. What painful events occurred? Did you give away your self-esteem to certain people? Now is a time to claim your self-esteem and take it back. Write down positive areas of your life. Write down what you friends and family members appreciate about you.

*****

Let Your Confidence Shine
Our Insecurities

We all have insecurities, what we think we see about another person is usually what they want us to notice.


At some point in our life there may come a time when we feel insecure about ourselves. We might judge our ability to do something or feel self-conscious about the way we look. It does not matter how this feeling manifests in our life, but it is important to be aware of our thoughts and how they impact our view of ourselves. Once we remember that insecurities are a normal part of life for everyone—even those who appear to be extremely self-assured—we may find it easier to step back from the uncertainty that lies within and take a more realistic look at ourselves.

The desire to improve or better ourselves is a natural response that arises when we begin to compare our lives to those of other people. It might seem, for example, that we do not have nearly as much going for us as our neighbor, best friend, or coworker. In truth, what we think we see about another person is usually what they want us to notice. They may be putting on a mask, trying to make things in their lives seem better than they are. If we were to look at their lives a little more closely, we would also realize that they are human, full of glorious imperfections that make them who they are. Recognizing this may take some time at first. Should we, however, feel our uncertainties begin to surface, taking deep breaths while at the same time acknowledging each one of our gifts will help us become more centered. Doing this allows us to see the wonders that lie within and lets our inner beauty shine forth into the world all the more brightly.

When we hold up such a detailed mirror to our lives and weigh ourselves against others, we are not able to see the things that make us truly unique. Giving ourselves permission to appreciate all the universe has given us, however, will make us feel more secure about ourselves and more able to use our gifts to their fullest. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

When I wake up, I’ll think quietly about the twenty-four hours ahead. I’ll ask God to direct my thinking, especially asking that it be free from self-pity and from dishonest or self seeking motives. If I have to determine which of several courses to take, I’ll ask God for inspiration, for an intuitive thought, or a decision. Then I’ll relax and take it easy, confident that all will be well. Can I believe that when I give up my “rights” of expectations, I’ll know freedom?

Today I Pray

I praise God for being able to praise God, to choose the times when I will seek Him, to find my own words when I talk to Him, to address Him in the way that seems most right to me. May I expect that He in turn must be free of my expectations, to affect my life as He sees fit.

Today I Will Remember

Who am I to try to tell God what to do?

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One More Day

My coat and I live comfortably together. It has assumed all my wrinkles, does not hurt me anywhere, has molded itself on my deformities, and is complacent to all my movements. I only feel its presence because it keeps me warm.
– Victor Hugo

The anticipation of school beginning each fall is fueled by youngsters’ love of newness – new clothes, new shoes, new books, new teachers. We still enjoy newness, but we also find comfort in what is old and reliable. No afghan comforts quite as well as the one that was knitted with loving hands many years ago. We may have a favorite mug or chair. Over years we have developed trusting and dependable relationships. While we remain open to change, we also feel comfortable with what is old and familiar.

I’m glad I can find comfort in the old and familiar, and excitement in the new and unfamiliar.

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Food For Thought

Stop Overeating, Start Living

Physical abstinence is just the beginning of the new life OA offers to us. When our Higher Power controls our life, we become free of the mental obsession with food. Then we are able to get down to the business of living, which we avoided with our illness.

Rather than reaching out with both hands to grab and hold on to all we can get, we begin to think in terms of giving and serving. We may start by sharing what OA has done for us with newcomers to the program. It is the newcomer who is our reminder of who we were and where we came from.

We find that though we can never eat spontaneously, we can live much more spontaneously than before. Because we feel less guilt and fear, we can experience the joy of acting from the center of our being. Knowing that our Higher Power is in control, we have trust and faith that the results of our actions will be okay. Each day becomes less of a trial and more of an opportunity.

Today, may I experience the spontaneity that comes with Your control.

[bluidkiti]

September 3

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Into each life some rain must fall. Some days must be dark and dreary. --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Coping with problems and weathering troubled times - is part of life. Those of us who have survived painful experiences have a duty to help younger ones prepare to face bad times by sharing the solutions we found.
When stormy weather comes, we need to feel we are like other people. It's not that misery loves company, but that we don't want to feel we're in this alone.
We will never have perfect living conditions. The only place where every day is a sunny one is in the desert. When pain comes, we can walk through our problems and settle things quickly, rather than prolonging the hurt by battling our way around the obstacles in an effort to avoid them.
What problem can I confront and eliminate today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It is clear the future holds opportunities - it also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to seize the opportunities, avoid the pitfalls, and get back home by 6:00. --Woody Allen
Sometimes we take ourselves far too seriously. We draw our lives in the absolutes of black and white, with no shadings of gray. We believe our whole lives depend on every decision we make. When a problem comes along, we see it as a crisis rather than another of the ongoing issues that confront all people. If we are displeased with someone, or if a person is upset with us, we amplify the feelings until we rupture the whole relationship.
It would be helpful to look at today's tasks and problems as a game. Yes, we would like to play the game well, but we could have a good time while doing it. If we don't take our problems or ourselves too seriously, maybe we'll have some fun.
Help me learn that daily living needs the light of humor.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
... satisfaction is a lowly thing, how pure a thing is joy. --Marianne Moore
Our perfectionism generally dashes all hopes of self-satisfaction. But the program is here to show us that we can make progress. We can learn to believe that we are doing any task as well as we need to do it, at this time. Our job is the effort. The outcome is part of a larger plan, one that involves more than ourselves.
We'll find joy when we find acceptance of ourselves and our efforts and the belief that we are spiritual beings whose lives do have purpose and direction.
The wisdom that accompanies spiritual growth offers us security, that which we have sought along many avenues. And when we feel secure, we can trust that the challenges confronting us are purposeful and to our advantage.
One day at a time, one small prayer at a time, moves us even closer to spiritual security. We can look with glad anticipation at our many responsibilities and activities today. They are our opportunities for spiritual security. We can trust our growing inner resources by simply asking for guidance and waiting patiently. It will find us.
I must exercise my prayers if I want the spiritual security where I can find joy. I will ask for guidance with every activity today.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Word Power
I know I'm controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew I'd respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so. --Anonymous
Some of us are so vulnerable to words.
A well timed "I love you." A chosen moment for "I'm sorry." An excuse delivered in the right tone of voice. A pat on the head. A dozen roses. A kiss. A greeting card. A few words that promise love that has yet to be delivered can spin us into denial. Sometimes, it can keep us denying that we are being lied to, mistreated, or abused.
There are those who deliberately set out to sway us, to control and manipulate us through cheap talk! They know, they fully understand our vulnerability to a few well-timed words! Break through your naivete. They know what they're doing. They understand their impact on us!
We do not have to give such power to words, even though the words may be just what we want and need to hear, even though they sound so good, even though the words seem to stop the pain.
Sooner or later, we will come to realize that if behavior doesn't match a person's words, we are allowing ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, and deceived. Sooner or later, we will come to realize that talk is cheap, unless the person's behavior matches it.
We can come to demand congruency in the behavior and the words of those around us. We can learn to not be manipulated, or swayed, by cheap talk.
We cannot control what others do, but we can choose our own behaviors and our own course of action. We do not have to let cheap, well-timed talk control us--even if the words we hear are exactly what we want to hear to stop our pain.
Today, I will let go of my vulnerability to words. God, help me trust myself to know the truth, even when I am being deceived. Help me cherish those relationships where there is congruity. Help me believe I deserve congruity and truth in the behavior and the words of those I care about.


Today I will experience each moment to the fullest. I will do all have to do to let go of everything that is blocking me from being fully alive in this moment. Each moment is unique, within itself and the less I carry with me from the previous moment, the freer I am to experience the joy of the now. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Things Are Working Out

Right now, this moment, things are working out. We natter away, trying to control, shape, and form. Trying to figure things out. We back off, then come closer. We worry and wonder. But things are working out. Things are working out as beautifully and Divinely as possible. The dance of life is taking place in sync with the rhythm of the universe.

Everything is working out, moving forward, evolving. There is a rhythm, an energy, a life force that continues, that shapes, that grows. You do not have to fight, resist, control, or even understand it. All you need to do is be– be present for your life, your love, yourself.

Your soul will lead you on. Your inner voice, your heart, is leading you on. Quiet your mind and trust that where you are and where you’re being led is perfect.

You don’t have to try to get it all together. You don’t have to strive to “have it all.” You already do have all that you need.

How many times have you been through an experience, fretting and fearful about the shape things were taking, only later to exclaim, Oh, I see now. Things were working out all along! Learn to say and believe that now.

Let your mind see what your soul already knows: things are working out perfectly.

*****

more language of letting go
Let go of low self-esteem

"Self-esteem is so illusive," said Amanda. "I've been working on my self-esteem for years. The harder I work at it, the less I seem to have."

I believe we can let go of low self-esteem. We can turn around lack of belief in ourselves. We can become willing to forgive ourselves. We can stop tolerating treatment that doesn't feel good to us. We can look at the dangers of defining ourselves by money, power, or prestige, or by whom we know and what we have. Ultimately, we can become willing to take care of ourselves and nurture ourselves through whatever experiences life may bring.

Twelve Step programs offer two Steps that can help us build self-esteem, acceptance, and self-love. Step Six says we become entirely ready to have God take our defects of character. Step Seven says we humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings. The work isn't easy, but it is worthwhile.

For now it's enough to become willing to let go of our low self-esteem and all the ways that low self-esteem manifests in our lives.


God, please replace my low self-esteem with self-acceptance.

Activity: Sometimes, we can have healthy self-esteem functioning in one area of our lives, but not in another. For instance, we may feel good about our work skills, but we may feel poorly about our personal relationships. We may have great confidence in our athletic skills, but feel bad about our finances. Decide if there are areas where you may be manifesting low self-esteem. What areas do you feel good about? Also, look at dreams you have not pursued because of your lack of self-confidence.

*****

Being Your Own Voice of Reason
Meaning

by Madisyn Taylor

How we attach meaning to events in our lives has a large influence on the quality of our life.

The meaning we assign to our experiences–whether pleasant or distressing, is a very powerful factor in determining the quality of our lives. What we imagine events to mean will color the way we feel about ourselves, about the people in our lives, and about the world at large. If we want to encourage a positive outlook, well-being, and a sense of self-confidence and even trust in the universe, we can begin by assigning more peaceful, loving meanings to what we experience.

Imagine, for example, that a friend fails to show up to a lunch date. You have choices as to what you will make this experience mean for you. You could allow being “stood up” to reinforce your feelings of unworthiness, you could begin to mentally attack your friend’s character, or you could assume that something big must have happened to cause them to miss the date—then, you might open yourself up to enjoying some relaxing time alone.

If you were recently laid off and are having difficulty finding a new job, consider that you might have hidden gifts or passions that were untapped in your regular career that you are now available to explore. The universe might simply be moving you in a more fulfilling direction. If you have recently lost a loved one, gained weight, lost money, or gotten in a fight with your partner, see if you can infuse the experience with meaning that feels loving and empowering and opens a door for you to embrace life and the world a bit more.

When we begin to bring consciousness to what we are making things mean, we may be shocked at the messages we have been feeding ourselves all these years. Try taking the reigns and begin assigning a kinder meaning to the events in your life and you will likely find yourself on a much more pleasant ride. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 3

Refection For The Day

Sometimes, even when friends in and outside of The Program tell us how well we’re doing, we know deep down that we’re really not doing well enough. We still have trouble handling life and facing reality on reality’s terms. We suspect, at those times, that there must be a serious flaw in our spiritual practice and development. Chances are strong that our trouble lies in either misunderstanding or neglect of Step Eleven — prayer, meditation, and the guidance of God. The other Steps can keep most of us clean and sober, free from other addictions, and functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing — so long as we try hard and work at it continuously. Do I trust infinite God rather than my finite self?

Today I Pray

I pray for a deepness of my spiritual awareness, for a stronger faith in the Unseen, for a closer communion with God. May I realize that my growth in The Program depends on my spiritual development. May I give over more of my trust to God’s eternal wisdom.

Today I Will Remember

I will not give in or give up, but give over to the power of God.

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One More Day
September 3

My message is peace of mind, not curing cancer, blindness, or paraplegia…. Anyone who is willing to work at it can achieve it.
– Bernie S. Siegel

Too often, we think we can regain our peace of mind only after our health problems are resolved. But peace of mind is what we need right now, not later. We can do a few things in our medical treatment, but we can actively develop our spiritual and emotional strengths.

We can look at life not in terms of success or failure, but in terms of attitudes and beliefs and self-acceptance. We can reprioritize our life goals to emphasize what can be done. Gradually, we experience a sense of peace as we separate those things which we can change and control from those which we can not. Making our choices and acting upon them brings us the peace we need in difficult times.

I will consider only the choices that are truly mine to make.

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Food For Thought

Friends and Enemies

Sometimes our friends or members of our family urge us to eat food that is not part of our plan. If we allow ourselves to be manipulated into eating something to please someone else, we are in danger of losing the most important thing in our life – abstinence. Anyone who tries to make us feel uncomfortable because of our illness is acting as an enemy, rather than a friend.

To some people close to us, an explanation of our food plan may be helpful. Repeated discussions, however, are usually unnecessary and unproductive. We alone are responsible for what we put into our mouths. If those around us cannot or will not understand, then that is their problem, not ours.

When confronted with food, which we know is harmful to us, the simplest response is a firm “No, thank you.” When we ourselves are determined to maintain abstinence, no one else, whether friend or enemy, can prevent us from following our plan.

Protect me, Lord, from my friends and enemies.

[bluidkiti]

September 4

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. --Abraham Lincoln
Our negative thoughts can be like pebbles rolling down the mountainside. One pebble bumps into another one. The second begins rolling and slams into a third. On and on it goes until thousands of pebbles, rocks, and even giant boulders are hurtling down the mountain.
When we find ourselves stuck in a rut thinking a negative thought, we can decide to stop and replace it with a positive thought. At first our single positive thought may not dislodge another one. We may have to think of several and start them rolling down the mountainside. If we practice, we will find it becomes easier for that first good thought to shake loose others. We will see our lives change when we begin to look at the positive side of things.
How can I begin to shape my outlook today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It is as important to cultivate your silence power, as it is your word power. --William James
We bless ourselves with renewal and healing when we retreat from the world for a few private moments of silence. The power we cultivate in silence isn't generated by us; that power comes to us. We can do this by deliberately withdrawing from all distractions. Then we quiet our inner selves by concentrating on deep relaxation, thinking about a brief reading, or by praying.
Most of us already have a personal island of renewal that we have turned to many times in the past for serenity and strength. We can use it and turn to it daily. This natural pattern is necessary for a strong and healthy life. It builds our relationship with our Higher Power and ourselves. In our problems with self-esteem, we often label as worthless the quiet, subtle things we do, but these very things are essential to build our strength and self esteem.
I will take time for silence to receive the power it gives in my life.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
For all the sadness of closure, there is a new and joyful unfolding in the process of becoming. --Mary Casey
We must let go of people, places, memories, and move on to new experiences. The doors of the past must be closed before we can enter those that are opening to us today. However, no experience is gone forever. All of our experiences are threaded together, each one contributing to the events that claim our attention now.
Recovery has offered us a chance to be aware of our process of becoming. With each day, each experience, each new understanding, we are advancing along the path of personal growth. Let us remember that each of us has a particular path, like no other. Thus, our experiences are ours alone. We need not envy what comes to someone else.
Life is unfolding for us. The pain of the present may be necessary for the pleasure of tomorrow. We can accept the unfolding. Our inner selves have a goal; experiences of the past must be left in the past; experiences at hand will lead us to our destination today.
I am moving and changing and growing, at the right pace. The process can be trusted. What is right for me will come to me. I will let the joy of becoming warm me.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Finding Direction
I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life. --Anonymous
We each have a life to live, one that has purpose and meaning. We can help our Higher Power give direction and purpose to our life by setting goals.
We can set goals annually, monthly, or daily in times of crisis. Goals create direction and pace; goals help us achieve a manageable life that is directed in the course we choose for ourselves.
We can help give our lives direction by setting goals.
Today, I will pay attention to setting a course of action for my life, rather than letting others control my life and affairs.


I have all the strength that I need today to accept the realities of my life. I am on a path of learning and growth and healing. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Stay Connected to Yourself

The woman was describing her reaction to an area she had visited, a place poisoned by toxic chemicals, a piece of earth maimed and harmed by humankind. “It’s not that I didn’t feel connected there,” she said thoughtfully. “I felt connected, but feeling connected meant feeling connected to pain.”

The woman was describing more than a piece of land. She was describing a place many of us visit at times on our journey. We feel connected, but we’re connected to pain and sadness. We may be reacting to an incident from our past or to something taking place right now.

We don’t have to run anymore. We don’t have to hide. We don’t have to leave our bodies, or wonder what’s wrong. We simply need to feel what’s there, even if it hurts for a bit. Sometimes we’re healing from our toxic beliefs, feelings, and attitudes we’ve accumulated. Sometimes there’s a message, a lesson to learn, an action to take. That will follow naturally if we’re connected.

Open up to your connection. The price of being connected may mean that we occasionally feel pain, but the reward for staying connected will be consciousness, guided action, and an open heart.

*****

more language of letting go
Look at your attachments

A friend called me one day. His shiny new car was in the garage for repairs again. "I should have gotten a truck, something practical, that would start ever day and get me to work," he said. "If ever, ever I start screaming that I have to have something and can't live without it, start screaming back to me until I stop."

What's attached to your self-esteem?

Some people attach their cars to their worth. Other people can feel good about themselves only if they're involved in a romantic relationship. Some people need a home in a certain neighborhood. Some people tie their self-esteem to future events. If I could only achieve this, then I'd be complete.

Take a moment. Look at your life. Is your self-worth attached to certain conditions?

We say we want others to love us unconditionally, but the problem is, that's not often the way we love ourselves. We say we need money in the bank, a Mercedes, or a Gucci bag first.

Is there a certain level of success you've been striving to attain? Are you telling yourself you have to have it to be complete? Maybe it's someone's approval that you're holding out for.

There's an easy way to see what we've become overly attached to. We can ask ourselves this: What is the thing in my life that I can't let go of and release? What makes me craziest?

Don't be hard on yourself. We all want and need daily necessities, such as cars, jobs, and money. And having someone to love is a delightful part of being human.

But that's a different issue than telling ourselves we can't be happy without these persons or things. Help yourself to a healthy dose of completeness and letting go. Tell yourself that you're complete and can be happy, just as you are. Let go of your attachment to whatever you're clinging to. It may or may not come back to you. But if it does, you can more happily enjoy it knowing you don't need it to be complete.


God, help me let go of my unhealthy attachments.

Activity: What are you holding on to, telling yourself you can't live without it? Is there a person who you fear will go away? Is there a job or a particular level of success you've attached yourself to? Is there a level of finances that you're waiting to have before you let yourself feel complete? Do an inventory of your life. Discern what you've convinced yourself you need to be complete. Now, transfer these people or things to a list in your journal. Make the title of that list "people and things I need to release and detach from my self-esteem." You can still have these people or things in your life, but your goal here is to get clear on your motives for wanting them in your life.

*****

Working from Center
In the Thick of It

When we are "in the thick of it," overwhelmed by too many things that need our attention, it’s important to remember that we are never given more than we can handle. When life’s challenges make us question this, our best coping mechanism is to follow the reliable and well-known course to our calm center and anchor ourselves there. It is for these times that we have been practicing regularly, so that our mind, body, and spirit will know how to find the peace within. Even in the midst of seeming chaos, a deep breath can help us turn within to find the space to work from, the calm at the center of the storm.

Tapping into our inner resources we begin again, bringing our focus to the needs of the present moment. Asking "why?" shifts our energy away from the task at hand. We can seek answers to those questions once we get to the other side of the present challenge. For now, we accept what is. Once we have collected scattered energy and created space, inspiration will strike, help will arrive, and what seemed impossible will either become possible or we will find it has become unnecessary. The flow of the universe and its perfect order has room to move in our lives when we get ourselves and our extraneous thoughts out of the way.

After the thick has become thin again, we have the opportunity to learn from the situation with a better idea of our true capabilities. We can now ask ourselves the "why" questions with the goal of fine-tuning our lives. Perhaps we have taken on more than is ours to do or made commitments out of obligation rather than insight. It could just be the ebb and flow and life, or we may be receiving life lessons on a fast track in preparation for something wonderful to come. But when we have a chance to make new choices, we know the best ones are made when we work from center. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day At A Time

Reflection for the Day
Thought I have prayed at various times in my life, I realized after several months in the Program that I'd never really prayed properly. I'd always tried to make deals with God, much like a foxhole atheist; I'd always pleaded, "Grant me my wishes," instead of "Thy will--not mine--be done." The result was that I remained self-deceived and was thus incapable of receiving enough grace to restore me to sanity. Do I see that in the past, when I prayed to God, I usually asked that two and two not make four?

Today I Pray
May I look back and review how I have prayed before, for specific solutions that I from my earthly vantage felt were best, May I question, in the longer view of time, whether those solutions would have been right, had God chosen to do things my way. In retrospect, may I see that my pleas were not always so wise. May I be content to trust God.

Today I Will Remember
God may not do it my way.

****************************************

Food for Thought.

Too Thin?

After losing weight, we may find ourselves being told that we are getting too thin. Often, the people who tell us this are not particularly thin themselves. Their comments are ostensibly made out of concern for our health, but it is more likely that they arise out of envy. Another reason could be their own personal fear of losing weight. Then, too, a thin person will sometimes feel threatened when we, who were formerly fat, come down to normal weight.

Whatever the reason, it is not the responsibility of anyone else to tell us how much we should or should not weigh. We alone are responsible for our own body.

When we turn our will and our life over to the care of our Higher Power, our body is included. The God who creates us will show us how He intends our body to look. We do not need to be concerned or swayed by the remarks of those who may not have our best interests at heart.
I trust You to take care of my body.

[bluidkiti]

September 5

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Take care of yourself my darling
And I'll take care of me
Live your loneliness knowing
That we can both be free.
--Mary Lee George
Loneliness is something inside us. It's not caused by other people's behavior, though what others do may let us know we are feeling lonely. We have all experienced being alone and really enjoying it--walking by the river or singing a song we like. Feeling lonely is when we feel like nobody cares about us or wants to be with us.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to feel lonely and know that we are okay no matter what we are feeling. Other times it may be wise to check with others if our feelings are true. We can ask our mother if she cares about us or ask a friend if he wants to play, and be open to the answer. When we feel lonely, we often ignore what others do or say that doesn't agree with what we believe to be true. The important thing to remember is that we are okay no matter what choice we make.
When I feel lonely, what can I do about it?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
He brought me out into an open place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. --Psalms 18:19
We know in this program that our recovery was not an accident. We may be mystified by it or surprised to be feeling better. Some of us call it a miracle. We have worked hard in our recovery. We have suffered through some difficulties. Yet, our recovery is not an achievement or an accomplishment. It is a gift from our Higher Power. We were powerless to help ourselves. All we could do was ask for help.
As we live an improved life and enjoy the benefits of our growth, we may ask why we were given this gift. As we seek to know the will of God, the ancient passage quoted today offers an answer. "He rescued me because He delighted in me." Can we let that in?
Thanks to God for all the rescued moments and for all the times I have been saved from my excesses.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Pity is the deadliest feeling that can be offered to a woman. --Vicki Baum
We must move forward with confidence, trusting that the strength we need will be given us, having faith in our visions to guide us. Problems need not daunt us. Rather, they can spur us on to more creative activity. They challenge our capabilities. They insist that we not stand still.
Pity from others fosters inaction, and passivity invites death of the soul. Instead, our will to live is quickened through others' encouragement. All else dampens the will. Pity feeds the self-pity that rings the death knell.
We can give strokes wherever we are today and know that we are helping someone live. And each time we reach out to encourage another, we are breathing new life into ourselves, new life that holds at bay the self-pity that may appear at any moment.
We can serve one another best, never by commiserating with sadnesses, but by celebrating life's challenges. They offer the opportunities necessary to our continued growth.
Someone needs a word of encouragement from me. I will brighten her vision of the future.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Step Ten
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. --Step Ten of Al Anon
Once we have worked our way to this Step, we can maintain and increase our self-esteem by regularly working Step Ten.
This Step incorporates the process we have gone through in Steps Four through Nine. We do not work this Step to punish ourselves or to hold ourselves under a constantly critical and demeaning microscope. We do it to maintain self-esteem and harmony in our relationship with others and ourselves. We do it to stay on track.
When an issue or problem emerges and needs our attention, identify it and openly discuss it with at least one safe person and God. Accept it. Become willing to let go of it. Ask God to take it from us. Have a change of heart by the willingness to make whatever amend is called for - to do what is necessary to take care of ourselves. Take an appropriate action to resolve the matter. Then let go of the guilt and shame.
This is a simple formula for taking care of ourselves. This is how we change. This is how we become changed. This is the process for healing and health. This is the process for achieving self-responsibility and self esteem.
The next time we do something that bothers us, the next time we feel off track or off course, we don't have to waste our time or energy feeling ashamed. We can take a Tenth Step. Let the process happen. And move on with our life.
God, help me make this Step and other Steps a habitual way of responding to life and my issues. Help me know that I am free to live, to allow myself to fully experiment with and experience life. If I get off course, or if an issue arises that demands my attention, help me deal with it by using the Tenth Step.

I am a terrific human being, I deserve wonderful things to happen to me... and they are. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

The Path Is One of Joy

I attended a church service at the Sanctuario de Chimayo in New Mexico. The church and its sacred healing ground had touched and healed me before. Today I came looking not for a miracle, but just a touch of its healing power to help me on my way. Instead, I found another miracle. The miracle of joy.When I entered the church, I noticed how glum and somber I became. I noticed how seriously, almost sadly, I approached much of spiritual growth. I believed that spirituality asked– required– this of me. If I was doing it properly, I would be demonstrating what a grim affair it was.

After the service, I stopped at the church’s gift shop and purchased some mementos to bring the energy of this holy place home with me– items to remind me of the spiritual powers available to us in everyday life, no matter where we are. I also visited another gift shop near the church. There I bought a string of chili peppers called holy chills. Then I brought all my gifts back to the priest to bless: a wooden cross for the wall, a rosary for my daughter, one that glows in the dark so she’ll know God’s there, a small bag of sacred earth from the church grounds to remind me of the healing powers in this universe, a small jar of holy water to remind me that all of the journey is sacred, and a string of holy chilis to help me remember to smile.

The path does not have to be such a grim affair. Let go of the heaviness in your heart and soul. Sometimes the best way to demonstrate your faith is by learning to enjoy life.

*****

more language of letting go
Love yourself for who you are

"I'm tired of working so hard to be skinny, wearing the latest clothes, and trying to get my makeup just right," Gina, a beautiful woman, said to me one day. "I just want to be loved for me, for what's in my heart."

It's healthy to look our best, but some of us substitute self-esteem for what we wear, how much money we make, and the things we possess.

One day, I met a woman who had long hair, bright eyes, and she played beautiful Irish folk music. She loved to sing and dance. Her eyes lit up when she talked about her music. I could see how passionate and alive she was. Her band performed for people, but usually for a nominal fee or for free, she explained.

"But we want to get better," she said. "I really want to be somebody some day."

"You are somebody now," I said.

Pursue your dreams. Drive that car. Wear nice clothes. Have your hair done up, just right. But don't forget to love yourself without those things.

You are somebody now.

God, help me see beyond all the exterior trappings I surround myself with. Help me see the real beauty in myself and the people in my life.

*****

Common Fears
Choosing a New Response

by Madisyn Taylor

Our minds are powerful and moving into fear is a common experience that we can each look at and change.


Everyone has fears—it is a natural part of being human. Fear can protect us from harm by sending a rush of adrenaline to help us physically deal with potential danger. But there are times when fear may keep us from participating fully in life. Once we realize that fear is a state of mind, we can choose to face our fears, change our minds, and create the life we want to live.

Our minds are powerful tools to be used by our higher selves; like computers, storing and using data to make certain connections between thought and response. We have the ability to observe these and choose differently. No matter where the fear came from, we can create new connections by choosing new thoughts. When our souls and minds are in alignment, we create a new experience of reality. This journey requires many small steps, as well as patience and courage through the process. Here’s an example: You decide to overcome your fear of driving on the freeway. Your plan of action starts with examining your thoughts and finding a new way of seeing the situation. When you’re ready, you enlist a calm companion to support you as you take the first step of merging into the slow lane and using the first exit. Your heart may be racing, but your confidence will be boosted by the accomplishment. Repeat this until you are comfortable, with or without help, and then drive one exit furth! er. When you are ready, you can try driving in the middle lane, for longer periods each time, until you find yourself going where you want to go. This gradual process is similar for conquering any fear, but if you find it overwhelming, you can always seek the help of a professional.

You may think that you are the only one with a particular fear, that nobody else could possibly be scared of ordinary things such as water, heights, public speaking, or flying. These types of fears are very common, and you can have great success overcoming them. Remember, it is not the absence of the fear but the courage to take action anyway that determines success. When we learn to face our fears, we learn to observe our thoughts and feelings but not be ruled by them. Instead we choose how to shape the lives we want. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 5

Reflection For The Day

We’re often told that alcoholics and other addictive persons are perfectionists, impatient about any shortcomings — especially our own. We tend to set impossible goals for ourselves, struggling fiercely to reach our unattainable ideals. Then, of course — since no person could possibly meet the extremely high standards we demand of ourselves — we find ourselves falling short. Discouragement and depression set in; we angrily punish ourselves for being less than superhuman. The next time around, rather than setting more realistic goals, we set them even higher. And we fall farther, then punish ourselves more severely. Isn’t it about time I stopped setting unattainable goals for myself?

Today I Pray

May God temper my own image of myself as a super-person. May I settle for less than perfection from myself, as well as from others. For only God is perfect, and I am limited by being human.

Today I Will Remember

I am not God; I am only human.

**************************************************

Food For Thought

Sponsors

Most of us never outgrow our need for a sponsor. Someone who has had similar experiences can give us the understanding, which we require in order to continue to grow in the program. A sponsor who maintains current, clean abstinence and who seriously works the program is someone who inspires us to follow. We could not control our disease by ourselves. As we recover, we continue to need help.

With a food sponsor, we can discuss our particular menus and problems. When we make a mistake, we need to share it with another person in order to profit from it and put it behind us. A program sponsor gives us encouragement and insight as we work the steps. When we are maintaining our desired weight, a maintenance sponsor helps us make any necessary adjustments. Sponsorship is one of the most important OA tools, and we are foolish if we do not take advantage of it. Alone, we are powerless over food.

Thank You for sponsors.

[bluidkiti]

September 6

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun. --Katharine Hepburn
The first good news each day is that we wake up. We are breathing. Our heats are beating, our minds working. The adventure of living begins. What does the day hold in store? We have no way of knowing what surprises lie in wait for us today.
We may look forward, not just to the expected, but to the unexpected. Whom shall we meet? What will we see? What will we learn? How will we be entertained? What changes to help others will come our way? What chances to love and be loved?
Now that our eyes are opened to today's beauty, let us remain alert for new sights. Let us cry when sad, smile when touched, and laugh at what is funny in a whole new lifetime before us.
What can I be thankful for today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
I learned to listen to my body with an inner concentration like meditation, to get guidance as to when to exercise and when to rest. I learned that healing and cure are active processes in which I myself needed to participate. --Rollo May
In our spiritual growth, one of our movements is from passive to active, from helpless to responsive. For example, we are passive if we don't take responsibility for our bodies and don't care for our wellness and conditioning. Do we passively leave our health in the doctor's hands?
Do we take responsibility for our relationships? Are we active in nurturing them? We could add our own interests and positive energy to enrich them.
Our Higher Power speaks to us in a quiet, subtle voice, which can easily be ignored until we learn to listen. It takes courage to listen to this inner voice. When we listen, we develop a relationship that is a strong force moving us into recovery. We are still powerless over many things, but we can make active choices in how we will grow and how we will respond.
I will be guided in my choices by my inner voice.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
We can build upon foundations anywhere if they are well and firmly laid. --Ivy Compton-Burnett
Recovery is a process, one that rebuilds our lives. And the Twelve Steps provide the foundation to support our growth as healthy, productive women. But each Step must be carefully and honestly worked, or the whole foundation will be weakened.
How lucky we are to have found this program and the structure it offers. We looked for structure in our past. We searched, maybe for years, running from one panacea to another, hoping to find ourselves. Booze--pills--food--lovers--causes; none gave us the security we longed for. We couldn't find ourselves because we hadn't defined ourselves. At last we've come home. Self-definition is the program's guarantee. Not only can we discover who we are, now, but also we can change, nurture those traits that we favor, diminish those that attract trouble.
My actions today are the key. They tell who I am at this moment. Who I become is up to me. I will pick a Step and reflect before I move ahead. The strength of my foundation depends on it.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
The Good in Step Ten
Step Ten says: "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." It does not suggest that we ignore what is right in our life. It says we continue to take a personal inventory and keep a focus on ourselves.
When we take an inventory, we will want to look for many things. We can search out feelings that need our attention. We can look for low self-esteem creeping back in. We can look for old ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. We can look for mistakes that need correcting.
But a critical part of our inventory can focus on what we're doing right and on all that is good around us.
Part of our codependency is an obsessive focus on what's wrong and what we might be doing wrong - real or imagined. In recovery we're learning to focus on what's right.
Look fearlessly, with a loving, positive eye. What did you do right today? Did you behave differently today than you would have a year ago? Did you reach out to someone and allow yourself to be vulnerable? You can compliment yourself for that.
Did you have a bad day but dealt effectively with it? Did you practice gratitude or acceptance? Did you take a risk, own your power, or set a boundary? Did you take responsibility for yourself in a way that you might not have before?
Did you take time for prayer or meditation? Did you trust God? Did you let someone do something for you?
Even on our worst days, we can find one thing we did right. We can find something to feel hopeful about. We can find something to look forward to. We can focus realistically on visions of what can be.
God, help me let go of my need to stay immersed in negativity. I can change the energy in my environment and myself from negative to positive. I will affirm the good until it sinks in and feels real. I will also strive to find one quality that I like about someone else who's important to me, and I will take the risk of telling him or her that.

Today I'm listening to my self-talk with a non-judgemental ear. It is okay to make mistakes today. I'm giving myself positive messages with permission to accept both my victories and defeats. --Ruth Fishel

******************************

Journey To The Heart

Imagine All the Possibilities

Think of all the possibilities for your life– for love, for work, for growth. Think of all the possibilities for adventure, for fun, and for service. This day, this week, this month, this year abounds with possibilities. Each task you have to do, each problem you encounter and need to solve abounds with possibilities. Your life abounds with possibilities.

For a long time, we only saw some of the possibilities life held. We’d look at a situation and see the possibilities for guilt, victimization, sadness, and despair. We’d tell ourselves there was only one choice, or no choice, or that something had to be done in a particular way– the hardest and dreariest way possible. We’d neglect to envision the other option– the choices for joy, for making my event more fun, more pleasant, more enjoyable.

You don’t need to limit yourself anymore. You’ve opened your heart. Now open your mind. Look around. See all the possibilities. The universe is teaming with them. It will lead and guide you into this abundance if you ask it for help and them allow that to happen.

Open to life’s abundance. Open to all its possibilities. The more open you become, the more creative you’ll be– in work, in play, in love, in life. The more creative you are, the more possibilities you’ll see.

*****

more language of letting go
Stand up to your fear of abandonment

"I'm in a relationship with someone who isn't good for me," a woman said to me one day. "My boyfriend manipulates me, and he often doesn't tell me the truth. But every time I get ready to kick him to the curb, my fear of abandonment sets in."

Many of us have a fear of abandonment. Some of us let it rule our lives. We'll do anything just so that person doesn't walk out and leave us alone.

I spent many years letting fear of abandonment control me. After a while, I finally wore out that belief. I just got sick and tired of worrying about whether I was good enough for that person.

Then a new thought set me free. If you don't want to be my friend or my lover, or my employer, I don't want you in my life.

No more emotional blackmail. No more stress. No more having to second-guess what that other person is feeling.

Are you spending your time worried about someone leaving you? Does your fear of being abandoned leave you feeling like an underdog in your relationship? Let it go. Stand fast. And listen to what I'm about to tell you. If that person doesn't want to be in your life, just let him or her leave. Do you want someone in your life who really doesn't want to be there? Of course not. Let him or her go.

Once you adopt this belief, it's easy to send the bad relationships packing, and the good people want to stay.

God, help me believe that I deserve only the best of relationships.

*****

A Matter of Significance
Recognizing Your Value

by Madisyn Taylor

Change your thinking to knowing that your life matters and that you are important.


It can be easy sometimes to buy into the illusion of our own insignificance. We may see large corporations or institutions, celebrities or successful people in our community, and compare ourselves to them, thinking that their fame or material power affirm how little our own lives amount to. But nothing could be further from the truth. Every single one of us matters—tremendously. Our very existence affects countless people in countless ways. And because we are each essentially a microcosm of the larger universe, our internal experiences affect the whole of life more than we could ever imagine. The world simply could not exist as it does now if you, or any one of us, were not in it.

Perhaps you are aware that on some level you believe your life does not matter. If this thought resonates within you, maybe it is time to explore why you feel this way. You may have formed self-rejecting or belittling beliefs as a child to keep yourself safe or to help you make sense of confusing situations. You may have felt unseen or unheard and decided that there was something wrong with you, rather than with the attention span of the people around you. Spend some time looking into where these feelings of insignificance first took root, and see what changes you might be able to make in your life and in your heart.

This one belief in your own unimportance could be limiting you and impacting your life in enormous ways. When you shift your perceptions around your own ability to affect your life and impact the world, you may discover wonderful parts of yourself that you had long ago forgotten. There may even be exciting new parts that you never even knew existed. When you gain awareness of how much your life really does matter, new sources of energy can emerge and your sense of connection with the world is renewed. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 6

Reflection For The Day

“During acute depression,” wrote A.A. co-founder Bill W., “avoid trying to set your whole life in order at once. If you take on assignments so heavy that you are sure to fail in them at the moment, then you are allowing yourself to be tricked by your unconscious. Thus you will continue to make sure of yo8ur failure, and when it comes you will have another alibi for still more retreat into depression. In short, the ‘all or nothing’ attitude is a most destructive one. It is best to begin with whatever the irreducible minimums of activity are. Then work for an enlargement of these — day by day”. When I’m discouraged by setbacks, am I willing to start over?

Today I Pray

When I am immobilized by depression, may I set small, reasonable goals — as miniature perhaps as saying hello to a child, washing my own coffee cup, neatening my desk, offering a short prayer. May I scrap my own script for failure, which sets me up for deeper depression.

Today I Will Remember

Goals set too high set me back.

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One More Day
September 6

Lie down and listen to the crabgrass grow, the faucet leak, and learn to leave them so.
– Marya Mannes

Sometimes we are driven by a need to get everything done. We have an inner sense of what we should be, and we work toward meeting that expectation. But we may strive beyond those goals because of what we believe our friends, our coworkers, and even the advertising media expect of us.

Only we decide which expectations to satisfy. But first, we must be sure that the things we strive for are really our needs and goals. If an alphabetized spice rack or an organized workbench gives us no satisfaction, why should we alphabetize or organize? If an imperfect lawn doesn’t bother us, we can let go of our concern and let the crabgrass grow.

Today, I will hold on only to my goals and expectations. I will let go of those which give me no joy.

************************************************** *******************

Food For Thought

The Pause that Refreshes

For strength, we are learning to lean on our Higher Power instead of food. We have undoubtedly taken many “breaks” which involved ingesting one or another addictive substance. Instead of making us stronger, those substances eventually made us weaker. Thanks to OA, we are finding a dependable source of refreshment.

Starting the day with a few minutes of contact with God enables us to draw from His strength that which we need. Throughout the day, when we become weary or perplexed or pressured, we can pause to renew that contact. It is a constant source of Power whenever we open ourselves to it.

Allowing ourselves to become too busy is asking for trouble. We can concentrate actively for only so long without a period of rest and relaxation. Frequent time out each day to consult with our Higher Power makes our work more effective and our leisure more creative.

I seek Your presence, Lord.

[bluidkiti]

September 7

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The sun's the life giver. . . I talk to it like you would to a god. --Peter Firth
Having a Power greater than ourselves to believe in is like knowing the sun is in the sky. There are days when the sun shines with a brilliance that lights up everything around us--tree branches, snowflakes, the faces of our friends. When a seed is planted, it is the sun's warmth that invites it out of the ground to grow into a fruit or flower. The sun is the center the earth rotates around. The sun gives warmth and light to the earth, sometimes in ways we don't always notice.
There are days we do not see the sun--it is obscured by thick clouds. Yet even on these days, we know the sun's rays still reach the earth and nourish her.
God nourishes and warms our lives the same way the sun does the earth. Some days we easily see the presence of such a power in our lives, and other days we cannot see past the clouds. But God gives our lives a light-filled center and nourishes us even on quiet cloudy days.
How is God present in my life right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Friendship and community are, first of all, inner qualities. --Henri J. M. Nouwen
Many of us mistakenly search outside ourselves for answers. We feel small inside and not very powerful. Many of us men have tried to change our lives by affecting the people around us. Naturally, when we think of making friends, we assume we would start by getting a friend. But such beginnings often don't lead very far.
Friendship begins as an inward attitude or feeling before it is expressed outwardly. Perhaps we could first notice whom we feel friendly toward. Whom do we admire? Whom do we feel an affinity with? Let that friendliness exist within, and it will begin to express itself. Are we grasping for acceptance or response? Let us remain with our own goodwill and not return to old attempts to get someone else to change. Friendship exists as a feeling of admiration, of love, of fellowship, without demand. And when we are another man's friends, let us accept his friendship and enjoy it without trying to change it or him.
Today, I will simply notice my friendly feelings toward others.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Remember your good memories, but live for today and keep the memories behind you. --Jodi K. Elliott
The stuff of our memories comprises who we have become. Each recollection is akin to an ingredient in a simmering pot of stew. The full flavor of our lives is enhanced by each additional experience, whether it is painful or joyful.
Our experiences have a way of dovetailing, of grouping themselves, perhaps even tailoring themselves, to provide us the best advantage. So human is our tendency to linger in thought on past times that we fail to take advantage, to be fully present in the moment, which is assuredly making a necessary contribution to the total panorama of our lives.
Who are we to judge the value of any single experience? It's how all experiences have mingled, that we must trust. We can be certain in retrospect, that those situations that created the most inner turmoil also offered us the most as growing, developing women.
The experiences offered today, in the 24 hours ahead, are significant because they are unique. I will cherish them for the addition they are making to my total person.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Powerless over Others
Stop making excuses for other people.
Stop making excuses for ourselves.
While it is our goal to develop compassion and achieve forgiveness, acceptance, and love, it is also our goal to accept reality and hold people accountable for their behavior. We can also hold ourselves accountable for our own behavior and, at the same time, have compassion and understanding for ourselves.
When we claim powerlessness, we are not claiming irresponsibility. We have no power to control others, what they do, what they did, or what they might do. We're stating that we are willing to end an ineffective life based on willpower and control. And we're beginning a spiritual, mental, and emotional journey in which we take responsibility for ourselves.
We are not victims. We are not helpless. Accepting powerlessness when that is appropriate enables us to begin owning our true power to take care of ourselves.
Today, I will avoid making excuses for my own or someone else's behavior. I will let consequences and responsibility fall where they belong.


Today I'm getting all the guidance I need to take care of myself. I need not keep pushing beyond my limitations. I am learning to listen to my body and my mind, and rest when I get the message. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Let Your Creativity Blossom

Allow your creativity to blossom. For too long you have held back. For too long you have limited your natural creative leanings and talents. Maybe someone told you you couldn’t create or being creative wasn’t worthwhile. Maybe you started telling yourself that.

You are creative. You have a creative self within that wants to play, wants to be let loose, wants to create. Set that part of you free! Let yourself play– with life, with work, with projects.

Make a list of all the negative things you believe about your creative abilities– what you think, what you’ve been told, and what you tell yourself. Then burn it. Now make a new list of all the things that are true, or that you believe could be true, or that you want to be true. Let go of all the blocks. Write down that you are creative, that you can create, and that you’re connected to the creative force of the universe.

When you find your connection to creativity, the entire universe will come alive for you. It will help you, guide you, inspire you. You will find yourself imagining something, then being lead right down a path that will help you create it. When you don’t know what to do next, you can listen to your heart and let God and the universe guide you.

Creativity is the inherent nature of the world, the universe. The universe creates. And the universe needs your help in creating. Creating brings you into harmony with the universe, God, yourself, and the rhythm of life.

*****

more language of letting go
Appreciate who you are

Scott was sixty-nine when he took up skydiving for the second time in his life. He had jumped in the British military in World War 11. When the opportunity arose to make a demonstration jump into one of the old military bases, he came to California to learn how to skydive.

His body was old and stiff. But his heart was full of youth and fun. As he worked his way slowly through the levels, repeating many of the jumps until he got the skills dialed in, each jump took a little more out of his body. Despite his resolve, the training was more than he could handle and he had to stop short of his goal. As he left, he vowed to begin strength-training exercises and to return later to complete his training. "I'll be there, it'll just take longer than I thought," he said.

At the same time Scott started training, Tim started his skydiving training,too. Tim had never jumped before, though he had been skiing, mountain biking, and sailing. Tim was terrified. He was fearful that he would fail, afraid that he wouldn't respond well in an emergency, afraid that he would forget how to land, afraid to get out of a plane nearly two miles above the earth.

Scott talked to Tim. Scott laughed at him and laughed with him. And Tim kept getting back on the plane and passing his levels. He graduated. "I would have quit after the first jump," Tim said. "But if Scott can do it, so can I. I'm glad he was here. He gave me the faith to do something I believed was impossible."

We are each to walk our own path regardless of the fears and desires of those around us. Maybe you are like Scott, trying something new, something that may be a little beyond you. Great! Maybe you'll succeed; maybe you'll fail. Only you can decide what you'll do with the results. Scott could have taken his setbacks bitterly and dragged Tim down with him. Instead he built Tim up, enabling him to achieve something that he might not have done on his own.

Maybe you're like Tim, wanting to grow, but afraid of what you might lose in the trying. Follow your heart, and if you can find a mentor to help you on your way, thank that person for lifting you up.

Keep walking the path.

Some paths may lead to fame and recognition, others to quiet support of our fellow travelers. Walk your own path. Learn your own lessons.

God, thank you for my life.

*****

One Day at a Time
Stepping Stones

by Madisyn Taylor

Taking one step at a time makes life much easier to navigate rather than always looking at the big picture.


The years of our life do not arrive all at once; they greet us day by day. With the descent of each setting sun, we are able to rest our heads and let the world take care of itself for a while. We may rest assured throughout the night, knowing that the dawn will bring with it a chance to meet our lives anew, donning fresh perspectives and dream-inspired hopes. The hours that follow, before we return to sleep once more, are for us to decide how we want to live and learn, laugh and grow. Our lives are sweeter and more manageable because we must experience them this way: one day at a time.

Imagine the future stretching out before you and try to notice if you feel any tension or overwhelm at the prospect of the journey still to come. Perhaps you have recently made a lifestyle change, like beginning a new diet or quitting smoking, and the idea of continuing this healthy new behavior for years seems daunting. Maybe you have started a new job or are newly married and can feel an undercurrent of anxiety about your ability to succeed. If you can shift your focus from what may happen years down the line and return it to the day that is before you right now, you may find a measure of calm and renewed confidence in your capabilities. You may also discover an inner faith that the future will take care of itself.

The way we show up for our lives today and tomorrow has an enormous affect on who we will be and what we will be experiencing years from now. If we can remain fully engaged in the day at hand, enjoying all it has to offer and putting our energy into making the most of it, we will find that we are perfectly ready and capable to handle any future when it arrives. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

“If you’re not alright the way you are,” it’s been said, “it takes a lot of effort to get better. Realize you’re alright the way you are, and you’ll get better naturally.” Sometimes we find ourselves in a siuation so difficult that it seems insoluble. The more we think about it, the more we get on our own backs for our imagined inadequacy to overcome the situation — and we sink into depression. That’s the moment to recall a single phrase, slogan, or bit of philosophy, saying it over and over until it replaces thoughts of the tormenting problem — which , in the final analysis will take care of itself. Do I sometimes forget that the thorns have roses?

Today I Pray

May I see that God gives us patterns so that we can take comfort in opposites — day follows night; silence follows din; s love follows loneliness; release follows suffering. If I am ineffectual, may I realize it and try to do something constructive. If I am insensitive, may my friends confront me into greater sensitivity.

Today I Will Remember

Clouds have linings. Problems have endings.

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Food For Thought

I Am a Compulsive Overeater

The one fact, which I need to remember constantly, is that I am a compulsive overeater. If I forget it, I will eventually break my abstinence. There is no way that I can eat “normally,” like most other people. I either eat according to my OA plan or I eat very abnormally, according to my compulsion.

Because I am a compulsive overeater, I do not take tastes of this or that, and I do not have snacks. I have found from sad experience that this kind of uncontrolled eating is impossible for me to handle. I know that I need to plan every day the three measured meals, which I will eat.

Because of the new life that OA has given to me, I am grateful for my disease. Without it, I would not have found the measure of peace and serenity, which comes to me every day as I work the program.

May I remember I am a compulsive overeater.

[bluidkiti]

September 8

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
One must lose one's life in order to find it. --Anne Morrow Lindbergh
We are often so busy trying to control the outcome of the happenings in our daily lives, so intent on projecting our tomorrows that we let life slip by. Life is today. This is all we have for sure--the moments in our lives we cannot hold. Sometimes it feels as if those moments are beyond time and place, gifts from God to receive and give up at the same time. Like a dragonfly that lights on our hand and will either be crushed or will fly away if we try to close our fingers over it.
Life is a series of things to let go of--our friends and loved ones, our children as they grow, our dreams, or our youth. Only we ourselves, our inner selves, are a constant to be found and learned about every day, in the present moment.
How well can I enjoy each moment today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It's hard for me to keep my emotions inside. I want to express them now. That's what a team is all about. --Earvin "Magic" Johnson
We become part of a team in this program. That's why all the Steps are written with the word we rather than I. We cannot fully surrender to renewal simply by reading about it, hearing about it, or thinking about it. We become participants, members, and peers. We go to meetings and express the details of our lives, and we learn from the stories of others. In our relationships we learn to let our emotions out.
When we say, "He's hard to get to know," we are talking about someone who doesn't show feelings. Team members express their feelings to build a bond between themselves and gain a familiarity with each other. A man may say, "I'm the sort of guy who doesn't do well in groups," or "I'm not the type to express my feelings." But for the sake of recovery, we must endure the awkwardness of learning new things. On this recovery team it is all right to come just the way we are, awkwardness and all.
Today, I will not hold back my emotions. I will let people know me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
It's astonishing in this world how things don't turn out at all the way you expect them to! --Agatha Christie
Probably every day of our lives, a plan goes awry. Often we have counted heavily on a particular outcome. We generally assume we have all things under control and know exactly what's best for us, and everyone else as well. But such is not the case. There is a bigger picture than the one we see. The outcome of that picture is out of our hands.
Our vision is limited, and again divinely so. However, we are able to see all that we need to see, today. And more important, if we can trust our inner guidance regarding the events of today, we'll begin to see how each day fills in a shade more of the bigger picture of our lives. In retrospect we can see how all events have contributed, in important ways, to the women we are becoming. Where today's events are leading we can't know, for certain, but we can trust the divine plan.
I will anticipate with faith what lies ahead today. All experiences carry me forward to fulfill my goal in life. I will be alert for the nudge.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Stopping Our Pain
Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn. --Beyond Codependency
There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings, sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.
There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.
There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.
There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.
We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain - temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.
We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.
We may use religion to avoid our feelings.
We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.
We may stay so busy that we don't have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.
We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band Aids - temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.
In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power's help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move forward - into a new decision, a better life.
We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that's appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.
If we are being pelted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.
It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.
It will only hurts for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.
Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.
Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.

I am exactly where I'm supposed to be today. Everything about this day, this place, this moment is perfect. Everything about me is perfect in this moment. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Get Out from Under the Gun

How often in life, in the busy world around us, we begin to feel as though we’re “under the gun.” Daily pressures can mount until our body feels as though someone is actually pointing a gun at us saying. Hurry. Finish. Do this or else. That feeling is not conducive to joy, creativity, or doing our best. That attitude creates stress, sometimes unbearable stress.

Some of us have lived under the gun so long we’re not even aware of it. But our bodies are. We feel tense, stressed, frightened, on edge. Many of us have felt that way so long we’ve gotten used to it. That’s just how it is, we say with resignation.

But that’s not how it needs to be. Gently take the gun away from whoever is pointing it at you. Lay it on the table. Tell that person the task will get done, the situation will come about much better, much more creatively, much more timely without the gun. Most importantly, tell yourself that,too.

Acknowledge commitments. Acknowledge the necessity of timely accomplishments of tasks. Then acknowledge the way and wisdom of the heart with joy. It will see you through to get everything done, and you won’t have to be under the gun.

*****

more language of letting go
Be a team player

You may have heard this saying: "Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes."

Not everyone is the lead dog. Not everyone is the CEO or leading man. Better to be a working actor than an out-of-work star. At least you're in the play.

Every person who has accomplished anything of value in this world and is honest, recognizes that he or she hasn't done it alone. They're part of a team. Even Christ had a group of Apostles.

If you're in a supporting role, accept it. Not everyone is a leader every time. By being part of the cast, you can make the entire production stronger. You can do your part to make it work. And you'll learn the humility and team spirit that will be so important if you do get that lead.

Take a look at your life. Are you living as fully as you can where you are right now? Or are you waiting until someone recognizes your true talent to really give it your all? If you're in a supporting rather than a starring role, maybe it's because the cast needs the strength and talents that you can provide. Maybe the team needs a blocker. Life is not so much about the greatness of the role we're given as it is the heart with which we play it.

It's great to strive for the lead-dog position, but give yourself permission to enjoy and contribute from the level that you're at right now.

God, help me to accept the role that I have been given and to play it with dignity and to the best of my ability.

*****

A Softer Touch
Apply Gentleness to Everything

Throughout life we must cope with blockages that impede our forward momentum. Whether these obstacles are of a personal, professional, or societal nature, our first instinct may be to push against the obstruction. But the simplest way to alleviate resistance is to approach it gently, with a soft manner and kind intentions. Struggle and strife can find no foothold when confronted with mildness because conflict can only exist when fed by two opposing forces. So many areas of our lives can benefit from the application of gentleness. The beauty of gentleness lies in its multifaceted nature. It is part love, part compassion, part patience, part understanding, and part respect for others. When we move through life gently as a matter of course, we naturally attract these wonderful elements into our lives.

This does not mean that gentle people are by nature passive or meek. Rather, their copious inner power is manifested in their gentleness and their choice to move with the flow of the universe instead of against it. You can make use of gentleness in your own life by applying it in situations where you feel challenged by your circumstances or by people in your environment. As you move forward gently, the energy pervading your life will likely shift and, consequently, the blockages before you will vanish. Cooperation progresses smoothly when approached gently because all parties involved feel confident that their needs will be met. And quarrels are easily quelled with gentleness because the dualistic concepts of losing and winning are made moot by our willingness to exercise infinite patience with those whose values differ from our own.

Gentleness must be practiced, as we are inadvertently encouraged to act competitive in certain phases of our lives. At first, your established habits may make being truly gentle challenging. Yet after a time, if you commit to consciously applying gentleness to all areas of your life, whether by collaborating rather than competing or yielding graciously to the impassable roadblocks in your path in order to seek a new road, you will find that you begin to act gently habitually. Your patterns of thought and behavior become ever more peaceful, and you will discover that you encounter far less impassable resistance on your individual journey. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

We are told in The Program that no situation is hopeless. At first, of course, we find this hard to believe. The opposites — hope and despair — are human emotional attitudes. It is we who are hopeless, not the condition of our lives. When we give up hope and become depressed, it’s because we’re unable, for now, to believe in the possibility of a change for the better. Can I accept this: “not everything that is faced can be changed; but nothing can be changed until it is faced…”?

Today I Pray

May I remember that, because I am human and can make choices, I am never “hopeless.” Only the situation I find myself in may seem hopeless, which may reduce me to a state of helpless depression as I see my choices being blocked off. May I remember, too, that even when I see no solution, I can choose to ask God’s help.

Today I Will Remember

I can choose not to be hopeless.

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One More Day
September 8
Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied.
– Pearl S. Buck

We’ve all made decisions we’ve regretted. Regret doesn’t change things, but we can learn to make better decisions in the future. Often there are moments in our decision-making process — especially in relationships — when we can still change our minds. At those times, we can reconsider what we want to say or do. is it important enough to jeopardize a friendship? Sometimes it is, and that can’t be helped.

But usually we discover we do want to preserve the relationship. We owe it to ourselves and our friends to look again, to think again, about what is being discussed or argued or decided. Sometimes, winning or being right isn’t as important as the relationship.

I will take time to decide what is important and what isn’t.

************************************************** *****************

Food For Thought

Amends to Ourselves

By our compulsive overeating, we ourselves have usually been hurt more than anyone else. Because we could not trust ourselves, we had little self-respect or self-confidence. In many cases, we actually hated ourselves for what we thought was weakness and now know to be a disease.

By ourselves, we cannot control the illness, but through OA and our Higher Power, we are able to recover. With recovery comes a new attitude toward self. We see that we find happiness by abstaining from compulsive overeating and seeking every day to do God’s will. New power and order enter into our daily activities, and we begin to approve of ourselves.

The best way that we can make amends to ourselves for self-hate and failure to develop our abilities is by maintaining our abstinence each day. We then gain the confidence to say no to those things which are not in our best interest. Instead of destroying ourselves with too much food and the wrong kind of activities, we are building a new life fed with the nourishment from our Higher Power.

Thank You for new opportunities to grow.

[bluidkiti]

September 9

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
A terrace nine stories high begins with a pile of earth. --Lao-tzu
Imagine yourself with a pile of dirt in front of you and building plans for a one-story structure. It would be easy to think, "Oh, this is impossible--it will never get done."
But the architect hires people to help. A foundation is built, and then the frame. From there, step-by-step, the rest is filled in. We have all watched a building take shape and become a finished product.
Building plans are like the goals we all have. We want to be a better person or friend, a better artist or athlete. Reaching a goal is like putting up a building. Once we have a goal, we need a strong foundation to support us. All of us need the help of others to reach our goals.
What small step can I take toward a goal today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was. --R. L. Evans
Feelings of discouragement are to be expected as part of life. We will have our times of greater energy and hope and our times of feeling depleted and lost. As we mature we learn to see many peaks and valleys across the landscape.
Giving ourselves over to feelings of discouragement is self-indulgent and saps our strength. We cannot see into the future. The dailiness of our lives isn't always dramatic and doesn't usually offer great changes. But we are part of an unfolding process. Looking back over just a week or a month, we can recall troubled times that now seem insignificant. We see other' people and their progress, and we know they too grew just one day at a time and couldn't see what the future would bring them. So we continue - knowing that our process is hopeful - even though we cannot foresee the details of our future.
I have the strength to live through the peaks and valleys and to stay faithful to my recovery.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
I do not want to die . . . until I have faithfully made the most of my talent and cultivated the seed that was placed in me until the last small twig has grown. --Kathe Kollwitz
There's so much to do before we rest . . . so much to do. We each are gifted with talents, similar in some respects to others' talents, but unique in how we'll be able to use them. Do we realize our talents? We need only to dare to dream, and there they'll be.
It's so easy to fall into the trap of self-pity, thinking we have no purpose, fearing we'll take life nowhere, dreading others' expectations of us. But we can turn our thinking around at any moment. The choice is ours. We can simply decide to discover our talents, and nurture them and enrich the lives of others. The benefits will be many. So will the joys.
We have a very important part to play, today, in the lives we touch. We can expect adventure, and we'll find it. We can look for our purpose; it's at hand. We can remember, we aren't alone. We are in partnership every moment. Our talents are God-given, and guidance for their full use is part of the gift.
I will have a dream today. In my dream is my direction.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Perspective
Too often, we try to gain a clear perspective before it is time.
That will make us crazy.
We do not always know why things are happening the way they are. We do not always know how a particular relationship will work out. We do not always understand the source of our feelings, why we've been led down a particular path, what is being worked out in us, what we are learning, why we needed to recycle, why we had to wait, why we needed to go through a time of discipline, or why a door closed. How our present circumstances will work into the larger scheme of events is not always clear to us. That is how it needs to be.
Perspective will come in retrospect.
We could strain for hours today for the meaning of something that may come in an instant next year.
Let it go. We can let go of our need to figure things out, to feel in control.
Now is the time to be. To feel. To go through it. To allow things to happen. To learn. To let whatever is being worked out in us take its course.
In hindsight, we will know. It will become clear. For today, being is enough. We have been told that all things shall work out for good in our life. We can trust that to happen, even if we cannot see the place today's events will hold in the larger picture.
Today, I will let things happen without trying to figure everything out. If clarity is not available to me today, I will trust it to come later, in retrospect. I will put simple trust in the truth that all is well, events are unfolding as they should, and all will work out for good in my life - better than I can imagine.

It feels so comfortable when I trust my own truth. It is both powerful and peaceful to know that we are all at choice. Each and everyone of us is being led on a path to peace and love. --Ruth Fishel

******************************

Journey To The Heart

Take Time to Be Pleased

Take time to be pleased with all the beauty in this world. Do more than drive by and casually notice a particularly beautiful stretch of scenery. Stop the car. Get out. Take it in. See it, smell it, touch it if possible. Absorb and feel the beauty you see. Then thank the universe for giving this moment to you.

Take time to be pleased with your creations too- your work, your life, yourself. Look around. Then look again. Take time to see the beauty in your own life. Take time to absorb and be pleased with the beauty you see.

Then take this gift to others,too. Take time to notice and really see all that is beautiful in the people you know. Then tell them about what they mean to you, and how beautiful you think they are.

Opening up to ourselves and the world means learning to recognize and absorb its beauty. Allow yourself to grow, to define and redefine what true beauty means and feels like to you. You may have deprived yourself of noticing beautiful sights too long. It’s time to take those dark glasses off. Appreciate the beauty around you.

Our soul is nurtured and fed by taking pleasure in the beauty in this world.

*****

more language of letting go
Discover what works for you

"Enroll in this weight loss program and you'll lose thirty pounds in five days!" "Come to this free seminar and after spending one hundred dollars on books you'll be a millionaire!"

There is no quick fix, no panacea that will work for every person. Success rarely happens overnight or in five days. Even the Twelve Steps are only suggestions. Although proven to work, the details and decisions about how we apply those Steps in our lives are left to each one of us.

And few things happen overnight, except the beginning of a new day.

Listen to your mentors. Examine what's been tried and true, and has worked and helped countless others along their paths. The Twelve Steps are one of those approaches. But don't be taken in by false claims of overnight success and instant enlightenment along your path.

True change takes time and effort, especially when we're changing and tackling big issues. We can often get exactly the help we need at times from a therapist, book, or seminar-- the best things in life really are free and available to each one of us.The Twelve Steps, again, qualify in this area.

Discover what works for you.

Trust that you'll be guided along your path and receive exactly the help and guidance you need. Then give it time.

There really isn't an easier, softer way.

God, give me perseverance to tackle my problems.

*****

An Incomplete Understanding
Feeling Lonely

We all have days when we feel lonely, but the idea comes from the false notion that we are separate from each other.


We all have days when we feel lonely, but the very idea of loneliness comes from the false notion that we are separate and isolated parts in a world filled with other separate, isolated parts. In truth, we can no more be separate from our world than a fish can be separate from the water in which it swims. When we really begin to look at the boundaries we see as so solid, they prove to be, in fact, quite porous. For example, it is not clear exactly where our skin ends and the air begins when we consider how our skin is affected by changes in the quality of the air. When it is dry, our skin becomes dry, and when it is humid, our skin becomes moist and supple.

By the same token, it is difficult sometimes to distinguish the boundary between one person and another, especially when our actions tie us together so inextricably. Every move we make has an effect that touches all the people around us. On an even more subtle level, when we share space with another person, we often pick up on their energy, feeling how they feel and attuning to them, whether we mean to or not. This is what we mean when we say a mood or a feeling is contagious. We cannot help but be part of the realities of the people around us because we take form from the same energetic force, and this force unifies all life. This force is the light that all the great mystics and gurus encourage us to move toward, and it is the light we will dissolve into when we move beyond our individual egos.

If loneliness is a temporary condition based on an incomplete understanding of what we are made of, we can think of its presence as a catalyst for exploring our ideas about reality. We can respond by testing the boundaries we believe separate us from the life within and all around us. If we test them, we will discover that they are not so solid after all and that we can never really be alone. Published with permission from Daily OM

******************************

A Day At A Time
September 9

Reflection For The Day

The longer I’m in The Program and the longer I try to practice its principles in all my affairs, the less frequently I become morose and depressed. Perhaps, too, there’s something to that cynical old saying, “Blessed is he that expect nothing, for he shall not be disappointment.” If such a person is in The Program, he or she shall not be disappointed, but instead will be delighted daily by new and fresh evidence of the love of God and the friendliness of men and women. Does someone, somewhere,need me today? Will I look for that person and try to share what I’ve been given in The Program?

Today I Pray

May I be utterly grateful for God for lifting my depression. May I know that my depression will always lighten if I do not expect too much. May I know that the warmth of friends can fill the cold hollow of despair. May I give my warmth to someone else.

Today I Will Remember

To look for someone to share with.

******************************

One More Day
September 9

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
– The Serenity Prayer

The Serenity Prayer has comforted millions of people who strive to cope with change, disappointments, chemical dependency, and all sorts of other problems. This prayer can comfort us as we deal with the realities of chronic illness.

When we’re overcome with pain or disappointed about slow or little progress, this prayer can help us put our lives into focus. It helps us see if we’re wasting time and energy on things we can’t change, such as the chronic conditions we live with, how others feel, and the past. And just as important, this prayer points us toward the things that we can control — our attitude, our willingness to change, and the outcome of this day.

I pray for the wisdom to recognize the difference between things I can and cannot change.

************************************************** *******************

Food For Thought

Amends to Others

The people most affected by our disease were undoubtedly the members of our own family. Then came our closest friends, if we had any when we were overeating. These people were directly affected by our negative moods and by our withdrawal away from them into overeating. They also may have been affected by not getting food which should have been theirs, but which we had eaten. Some of us stole money to buy food that we did not need but had to have. Some of us stole food.

Making amends is sometimes embarrassing and often difficult. It involves much pride swallowing. A simple, sincere apology may be all that is necessary. There may be concrete acts, which we can perform. As with making amends to ourselves, the best way we can make up for the hurt we have caused to family and friends is by abstaining from compulsive overeating. As we abstain, we reach out to those around us instead of withdrawing. Our own sanity is the best gift we can give to others.

May I have the courage to make amends.

[bluidkiti]

September 10

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you. --Madeline Bridges
Sometimes we feel lazy or bored, and then we don't do our best work. Maybe our writing becomes hard to read, or we miss a porch when delivering newspapers. Perhaps we are daydreaming instead of listening closely to what a friend is trying to tell us. When we are not really paying attention to our activities or the people around us, we'll likely miss out on something important because we do receive in equal measure what we give. And this truth works in every aspect of our lives.
When we treat our friends, our families, even people we don't know well with kindness, we'll experience kindness in return. Our own actions and attitudes toward others are what we can expect from others as well.
How can I increase the kindness in the world today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It is not a question of how a husband and wife can be equal and alike. But rather, it is a problem of how a couple can be equal and different. --Pierre Mornell
In seeking closeness with loved ones, we have often made the mistake of looking only for similarities. Although common ground helps understanding, we must learn how to get close to others by "borrowing their eyes and ears." We expand our understanding of others by accepting that what we see, hear, think, and feel will not be exactly what anyone else does. We can deepen our relationships by exchanging our experiences with others.
We don't have to agree on everything. Simply learning about each other's differences and letting each other know that we hear and understand will create a feeling of intimacy.
I will be receptive and appreciate differences in those I love.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
It isn't for the moment you are struck that you need courage, but for the long uphill climb back to sanity and faith and security. --Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Most of us are on a long uphill climb at this moment. It is a climb we are making together, and yet a climb we can't do for each other. I can reach out my hand to you, and you can grasp my hand in return. But my steps are my own, just as you, too, can only take one-step at a time.
For brief periods we skip, even run, along the uphill path. The rocks and the occasional boulder momentarily trip us up. We need patience and trust that the summit is still achievable. We can help one another have patience. We can remind one another to trust.
We look back at the periods that devastated us so long ago. And now we are here. We have climbed this far. We are stronger, saner, and more secure. Each step makes easier the next step--each step puts us on more solid ground.
I may run into some rocks or even a boulder today. I have stepped around them in the past. I will do so again.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Self-approval
Most of us want to be liked. We want other people to think of us as nice, friendly, kind, and loving. Most of us want the approval of others.
Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly of us. We may be afraid people will leave us if they disapprove of our actions. We may look for approval from people who have none to give. We may not know that we're lovable now and can learn to approve of ourselves.
In order to live happily, to live consistently with the way our Higher Power wants us to live, and to tap into a way of life that is in harmony with the universe, we need to let go of our extreme need for approval. These unmet needs for approval and love from our past give others control over us today. These needs can prevent us from acting in our best interest and being true to ourselves.
We can approve of ourselves. In the end, that's the only approval that counts.
Today, I will let go of my need for approval and my need to be liked. I will replace them with a need to like and approve of myself. I will enjoy the surprise I find when I do this. The people who count, including myself, will respect me when I am true to myself.

Peace is flowing through me everywhere today, pouring all over my mind and my body... releasing all my tensions and anxiety... emptying me of all my negativity and fear.... I am being filled with peace and love and serenity. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey to the Heart
Laugh Often

"When I woke up the other morning, the blahs were back," a friend said. "I switched on the television. An old movie, a comedy, was on. At first I thought it was a waste of time to get involved in it. Within half an hour, I was laughing out loud. By the time the movie was over, I felt good."

Remember to laugh. No matter what our circumstance, where we are, what's going on, laughter is important. It's essential. Laughter changes our face. It changes our outlook. Some even suggest it changes our biochemistry.

Lighten up. Joke a little. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at life. The truth need not always be grim, serious business. Often, the truth we've been so serious about finding can only be found when we laugh.

Learn the power of humor. It will take you a long way. And it will help the road you travel be more fun.

*****

more language of letting go
Be who and where you are

One day when I was new to recovery from chemical dependency, I looked around at my living situation, my job, my relationships. Nothing felt right. A chronic sense of being in the wrong place at the right time was overriding everything I did. My life felt like an ongoing series of errors.

I had heard talk about a brilliant therapist, one who was particularly effective in getting to core issues. Whatever was going on in my core, I wanted it to be resolved.

The problem was that this therapist lived way out in a rural area. I didn't have a car. I'd need to take the bus. He saw people only during the week. I worked nine-to-five, Monday to Friday. And his fees, althought well-deserved, were high for my budget.

I saved enough money to pay for a session. Then I made an appointment. I was so excited.

The big day arrived. I started my series of bus rides (I had to transfer three times) at 5:00 PM, when I finished work. By 7:30 that evening. I arrived at the estate where this therapist lived and worked. I was exhausted but elated when I finally sat down across from this teddy bear of a man who had helped so many people progress in their lives.

In elaborate detail, I began spilling out what was going on in my life. I explained that I was recovering, trying to do the right things, going to my support groups, making my amends to people I had hurt-- but nothing felt right. A chronic sense of uneasiness plagued my life, no matter what I did.

He listened to what I said. Then he leaned back in his chair.

"Melody," he said calmly, confidently.

"Yes?"

" You're right where you need to be."

Session ended.

I gathered my things, walked the two blocks to the bus stop, and rode the several buses back to my small cubicle of an apartment in South Minneapolis. The lesson stayed with me for life. When nothing in our lives feels right, sometimes the answer isn't doing more or searching frantically for the miracle we need. The miracle comes when we accept, believe, and trust that who we are right now is who we need to be.

Save yourself the time, the money, and the trip.

Be your own guru.

God, thank you for where I am today. Help me trust that when I need to be someplace else, you'll naturally move me to that place.

*****

A World in Confusion
Cultivating Inner Clarity

by Madisyn Taylor

When the world is in chaos, we can still have our own inner peace and maintain a sense of calm in sea of unrest.


People who maintain their sense of calm when things around them are in a state of flux and confusion are always wonderful to be around. We feel calmer just being near them, as if they have activated our own sense of inner peace. From them we learn that we can be calm, even when everything around us is in turmoil, because we know that no matter what happens, this inner sense of calm will help us to function well. Often, times of confusion are the times that enable us to find that part of ourselves that knows how to cope, and how to be a light to others in the storm.

If we allow ourselves to be thrown off balance by every piece of disturbing news that comes our way, we may be relying too much on our emotions. On the other hand, our thoughts may also be unreliable at times like these, as they chatter on endlessly about what might happen next. If our feelings and thoughts activate one another in a hectic way, then we become caught up in the confusion that surrounds us. However, if we can locate the stillness at the center of our hearts, we can find composure in almost any situation. In addition, we provide a safe place for our friends and family, who are also prone to taking on the confusion of a world in flux.

It helps to remember that we don’t need to completely understand what’s happening right now, nor do we need to be able to predict the future. Most of us just want to find our way to being at peace with whatever happens, and we can find this peace inside. Cultivating our inner clarity with meditation, journaling, and reading words that inspire us, will lead us to that place inside us that’s already there, just waiting. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time
September 10

Reflection for the Day
Years ago, Dr. Alfred Adler prescribed this remedy for depression to a patient: “You can be healed if every day you begin the first thing in the morning to consider how you can bring a real joy to someone else. If you can stick to this for two weeks, you will no longer need therapy.” Adler’s “prescription,” of course, is not much different than the suggestion that we work more intensively The Program’s Twelve Steps to rid ourselves of depression.

When I am depressed, do I keep my feelings to myself? Or do I do what friends in The Program have suggested that I do?

Today I Pray
May I turn myself inside out, air out the depression which has been closeted inside me, replace it with the comfortable feeling that I am cared about by real friends, then pass along that comfort to others caught in the same despair.

Today I Will Remember
The only real despair is loneliness

************************************************** ********************

Food For Thought

Listening

As we learn to listen to our Higher Power, we also learn to listen with more awareness to others and ourselves. Being willing to spend time alone, in quiet, is essential to listening. We often fear silence and being alone, and we escape into distractions and busy work.

Prayer is not so much telling and asking as it is listening. Prayer in this sense may be practiced continually during the day. By taking Step Three, we are giving up our will and becoming receptive to the will of our Higher Power. We focus less on our egotistical concerns and more on God, as we understand Him. That understanding grows through listening.

By listening, we become aware of needs, feelings, and responses within ourselves, which we had previously ignored. Knowing ourselves better, we are more direct and honest with others and more responsive to them. The communication which develops with our Higher Power is on a level deep enough to relate us more meaningfully to everyone around us.

I will listen today to Your voice.

[bluidkiti]

September 11

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Good friendships are fragile things and require as much care as any other fragile and precious things. --Randolph Bourne
A good friendship is like a flower garden. It needs attention and care. We start by preparing the soil and then planting our tiny seeds. Our friendships have foundations like the soil, and in them we plant seeds of trust and understanding.
Like a garden, friendships need care and love in order to thrive. We nourish friendships with visits, thoughtful favors, and trust. When we are feeling down or in need of help, a friendship can offer us more than just beauty.
When we work at our friendships, they are not seasonal but bloom in any weather, and they surround us with comfort and the knowledge that we have, and deserve, love.
How can I nurture a friendship today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself. --Axel Munthe
Sometimes we're mistaken about the source of our unhappiness. We walk around with a short fuse, ready to explode if anyone crosses our path. Then, when we do explode, we think it is the other person's fault. At other times we have frightening physical reactions and worry that something is wrong with our bodies. But we are not aware that a deeper feeling of not being able to stand ourselves causes the problem.
Most of us have problems accepting ourselves. When we make peace with our consciences, some of our problems vanish. Other problems may never disappear, but our pain is eased because our inner battle has ceased and we have the energy we need to cope.
I am grateful for the gift of self-respect this program gives me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
I used to think I'd never know the difference between serenity and depression because depression subdued me. --S.H.
Depression is familiar to us all, and less incapacitating than it used to be. We have made progress, we can be assured. "This too shall pass" is not an empty slogan.
Each of us can recall, with ease probably, a period we thought we'd never survive. Maybe our problem was family-related, or a tough on-the-job situation. Or maybe we felt inadequate and lacking in strength to cope with all situations. But we managed. Here we are today, taking charge of our lives and moving forward in search of serenity.
Serenity no doubt eludes us, again and again, throughout the day. But we can let our minds rest. We can give our thoughts to the wind, and serenity will find us. Serenity's peace nurtures us, strengthens us to withstand the turmoil ahead. There is always turmoil ahead. Life's lessons are found there. The irony is that a life with no problems doesn't offer the opportunities we must have if we are to grow.
I will let the serene moments wash over me. I will cherish them. They soften me. And the blows of today's tumultuous storm will be lessened.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Conflict and Detachment
In a relationship, there are those wonderful times when things go smoothly for both people, and neither person needs to focus too heavily on the concept of detachment. But there are those challenging times when one person is in crisis or changing - and we need to detach.
Then there are stressful cycles when both people in a relationship are in the midst of dealing with intense issues. Both are needy and neither has anything to give.
These are times when detachment and taking care of ourselves are difficult.
It is helpful, in these moments, to identify the problem. Both people are in the midst of dealing and healing. Neither has much to give, at least at the moment. And both are feeling particularly needy.
That is the problem.
What's the solution?
There may not be a perfect solution. Detachment is still the key, but that can be difficult when we need support ourselves. In fact, the other person may be asking for support rather than offering it.
We can still work toward detachment. We can still work through our feelings. We can accept this as a temporary cycle in the relationship, and stop looking to the other person for something he or she cannot give at the moment.
We can stop expecting ourselves to give at the moment as well.
Communication helps. Identifying the problem and talking about it without blame or shame is a start. Figuring out alternative support systems, or ways to get our needs met, helps.
We are still responsible for taking care of ourselves - even when we are in the best of relationships. We can reasonably expect conflicts of need and the clashing of issues to occur in the most loving, healthy relationships.
It is one of the cycles of love, friendship, and family.
If it is a healthy relationship, the crisis will not go on endlessly. We will regain our balance. The other person will too. We can stop making ourselves so crazy by looking for the other person to be balanced when he or she isn't.
Talk things out. Work things out. Keep our expectations of other people, our relationships, and ourselves healthy and reasonable.
A good relationship will be able to sustain and survive low points. Sometimes we need them, so we can both grow and learn separately.
Sometimes, people who are usually there for us cannot be there for us. We can find another way to take care of ourselves.
Today, I will remember that my best relationships have low points. If the low point is the norm, I may want to consider the desirability of the relationship. If the low point is a temporary cycle, I will practice understanding for myself and the other person. God, help me remember that the help and support I want and need does not come in the form of only one person. Help me be open to healthy options for taking care of myself, if any normal support system is not available.

I am letting go of all that is holding me back from spiritual progress today. My path is becoming easier as I open myself up to faith and trust. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey To The Heart

Heal Your Fear of Abandonment

Some say the fear of abandonment is a universal fear. It’s common to most people in most places. It is that anguishing, heartbreaking moment when we believe someone is going to leave us. For many of us, the fear began when some important person did leave or abandon us– physically or emotionally. Now the very thought of it happening again terrifies us.

Although the fear may be universal, if we have it, it still belongs to us. It needs to be faced, felt, acknowledged, and released– it needs to be healed– or else it may control our lives and harm our relationships.

Sometimes we may fear being abandoned so much that we don’t want anyone to leave us– even people we don’t like– because it triggers that old familiar feeling. If we don’t deal with it, however, people can use it against us. All they have to do is threaten to leave and we crumble, acquiesce at the mere thought of feeling that way again.

Underneath the fear of abandonment another fear may lurk too, a deeper fear, the fear that somehow we’ve made the people we love go away. Sometimes in our lives, certain people have had to go away, because that is where their path led them. But if they felt confused, guilty, or uncertain about the leaving, they may have lied to us. They may have told us we did something wrong, we caused the separation, it was our fault they were leaving. And their lie became embedded in us.

Did someone tell that lie to you? Tell yourself something different. Tell yourself the truth. You don’t make people go away. You weren’t the cause. If someone needed to leave you, that was his or her choice.

Heal your fear of abandonment. Set yourself and others free.

*****

more language of letting go
Listen to yourself

In the Bible, God tells us, "Be still and know that I am God." Learn to silence the chattering of your ego, whether through prayer, meditation, or a long walk in the park. Find that place where you can detach from the pressures of the world. Find that place where your body and spirit work together in harmony.

Being aware of your true self is the best way to free yourself from the controlling, manipulative behaviors of others. You don't need the right car, the right shoes, the right girlfriend to be complete. All you really need is to be yourself.

Your spirit is the real you. Let it guide you.

Be still. Listen to your spirit say, I am, and I am enough.

In the silence, you'll hear God.

God, help me be quiet so I can hear you.

*****

Underneath the Noise
Hearing the Whisper

by Madisyn Taylor

There is beauty and power when we listen to the whisper.


You may have noticed that if you want to speak to someone in a noisy, crowded room, the best thing to do is lean close and whisper. Yelling in an attempt to be louder than the room’s noise generally only hurts your throat and adds to the chaos. Similarly, that still, small voice within each of us does not try to compete with the mental chatter on the surface of our minds, nor does it attempt to overpower the volume of the raucous world outside. If we want to hear it, no matter what is going on around us or even inside us, we can always tune in to that soft voice underneath the surrounding noise.

It is generally true that the more insistent voices in our heads delivering messages that make us feel panicky or afraid are of questionable authority. They may be voices we internalized from childhood or from the culture, and as such they possess only half-truths. Their urgency stems from their disconnectedness from the center of our being, and their urgency is what catches our attention. The other voice that whispers reassurances that everything is fundamentally okay simply delivers its message with quiet confidence. Once we hear it, we know it speaks the truth. Generally, once we have heard what it has to say, a powerful sense of calm settles over our entire being, and the other voices and sounds, once so dominant, fade into the background, suddenly seeming small and far away.

We may find that our own communications in the world begin to be influenced by the quiet certainty of this voice. We may be less inclined to indulge in idle chatter as we become more interested in maintaining our connection to the whisper of truth that broadcasts its message like the sound of the wind shaking the leaves of a tree. As we align ourselves more with this quiet confidence, we become an extension of the whisper, penetrating the noise of the world and creating more peace, trust, and confidence. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time
September 11

Reflection for the Day
The one thing, more than anything else, that can relieve my occasional feeling of depression is love. I have to keep myself “lovable” in the sense of being able to love others, rather than being concerned with whether others love me. In somehow losing myself in others, emotionally or spiritually, I usually find myself. Today I understand what they meant at those first blurry meetings of The Program when they told me that I was the most important person in the room.

Do I say the same thing to other new members today, and mean it?

Today I Pray
May I know that if I can love others, without expecting to be loved back, chances are that I will receive a share of love in return. It is only my expectation of approval which cancels out the value of my love.

Today I Will Remember
Love is not an investment, but a charitable contribution.

************************************************** *****************

Food For Thought

Praying Only…

In Step Eleven, we are “praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” How that simplifies our prayer! We do not have to worry about asking for the right things in the right way. We simply pray that we may know God’s will and be given the power to do it.

This Step is closely related to Step Three, since we are leaving the decisions up to God. He knows better than we what is best for us to have and to do. We make ourselves available to His direction without attaching conditions and clauses about what we will and will not do.

This kind of prayer frees us from much worry and anxiety. We accept abstinence as God’s will for us, since without abstinence we are powerless to do much of anything. Beyond that, we are prepared to live each day as our Higher Power gives it to us, trusting that He will show us His will and supply us with the power that we need.

This is my prayer, Lord.

[bluidkiti]

September 12

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves today. --Brendan Francis
We often find ourselves yearning for tomorrow. We get carried away thinking about the next day's big game or camping trip. We find ourselves daydreaming about how much fun we'll have with friends or what animals we'll see in the park.
The next day comes and perhaps the excitement about the game diminishes because our friends can't make it or the camping trip is canceled because of bad weather. We feel cheated and begin regretting the missed opportunities of yesterday.
When we find ourselves concentrating only on tomorrow, we need to stop and look around. We'll begin to notice the joke a friend is telling, or the bird flying overhead. We will begin appreciating the joys of the moment.
When we live in the moment, we have no expectations about the next moment, and without expectations, we can't be disappointed, only surprised.
What is delightful about this moment right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Not all fights are bad; in fact they are preferable to disciplined serenity. --William Atwood.
A good relationship includes some disagreement. Anger and disagreement, when we express them respectfully, are important ways of renewing communication and breaking through the walls that sometimes built up. No relationship can tolerate constant fighting. But, when we don't agree with someone, we owe it to that person to speak up and follow through to resolution. We can promise ourselves and the other person that we will stay in the relationship through the disagreement. It is because we care that we fight.
In any relationship we care about, there will be differences. When we avoid all confrontations, our relationships go stale because all emotional issues are avoided. Carefulness and over control undermine love because they don't give it room to breathe, but disagreement and anger expressed in honest and respectful ways will help love grow.
Today, I pray for the courage to acknowledge my disagreements and angry feelings with others and to deal with their feelings toward me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
No person is your enemy, no person is your friend, and every person is your teacher. --Florence Scovel Shinn
We can open ourselves to opportunities today. They abound in our lives. No circumstance we find ourselves in is detrimental to our progress. No relationship with someone at work or at home is superfluous to our development. Teachers are everywhere. And as we become ready for a new lesson, one will appear.
We can marvel at the wonder of our lives today. We can reflect on our yesterdays and be grateful for the lessons they taught. We can look with hopeful anticipation at the days ahead--gifts, all of them. We are on a special journey, serving a special purpose, uniquely our own. No barrier, no difficult person, no tumultuous time is designed to interrupt our progress. All experiences are simply to teach us what we have yet to learn.
Trusting in the goodness of all people, all situations, all paths to progress will release whatever our fears, freeing us to go forth with a quicker step and an assurance that eases all moments.
The Twelve Steps help us to recognize the teachers in our lives. They help us clear away the baggage of the past and free us to accept and trust the will of God, made known to us by the teachers as they appear.
I am a student of life. I can learn only if I open my mind to my teachers.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Healing
We should learn not to grow impatient with the slow healing process of time. We should discipline ourselves to recognize that there are many steps to be taken along the highway leading from sorrow to renewed serenity... We should anticipate these stages in our emotional convalescence: unbearable pain, poignant grief, empty days, resistance to consolation, disinterestedness in life, gradually giving way . . . to the new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life.
--Joshua Loth Liebman
Recovery is a process. It is a gradual process, a healing process, and a spiritual process - a journey rather than a destination.
Just as codependency takes on a life of its own and is progressive, so recovery progresses. One thing leads to another and things - as well as us - get better.
We can relax, do our part, and let the rest happen.
Today, I will trust this process and this journey that I have undertaken.


Each step I take today makes me feel better and better. Today I know that I have all that I need to do exactly what must be done and go exactly where I need to go. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Energize Yourself

Don’t tell yourself you have no energy. You are energy. Learn to energize yourself.

Get up. Move around. Play some invigorating music. Stretch your arms, stretch your legs. Move your body around. Get out and walk.

Watch children play. They seem to have an unlimited supply of energy. Remember what it was like to be a child. You had an unlimited supply of energy then. Most of us still do.

Yes, we do get tired from time to time, particularly with the schedules many of us have. And there are time in our life when less energy is available to us, such as during times of deep grief or during illness when our body is using its energy to heal a physical problem. And sometimes other people and their problems drain us. But sometimes we drain ourselves,too.

If you don’t feel your energy, perhaps something is blocking it. You may be experiecing some resistance to what you’re trying to do. Maybe an old emotion or belief is clogging your circuits. Maybe you’ve been sitting too long crunched up in your chair, blocking your own circuits. Maybe you’re telling yourself you have no energy so loudly that you’ve begun to believe it.

Clear your circuits. Push through whatever’s blocking you. Then get up, move around, connect to life. Learn to energize yourself.

*****

more language of letting go
Look at the roles you play

In his book Ethics for a New Millenium, the Dalai Lama spoke of the idea that most of us aren't a static personality. There isn't just one side to us; we play many roles in life.

I am a recovering alcoholic and a recovering codependent. I am a mother. I am a writer. I am someone's girlfriend. I am a sky diver. I am a business person, a negotiator, a woman. In each of these roles, my personality expresses itself differently. I use different talents and traits.

What are all the different roles you play in your life? Most of us are aware that we're one person at work, somewhat different at home, and sometimes a lot different when we play. Some of us tend to feel guilty about this. "Oh, if they only knew what I was like at home, they'd never respect me as a boss," one man said.

Take the time to get to know all the different parts of yourself. Honor and respect each one. Each has an important role to play in your life. When we're trying to move forward, take a moment. Make certain that all of your I am's are working together for your best.

You don't have to behave the same at home as you do at work. You get to be a mother, and a wife,too. Honor and respect all the different roles you play in life, understanding that each one has its own important place.

Then remember to practice the principles we're striving to live by in everything we do.

Our roles might change, but the ideals and values we live by don't.


God, help me honor and accept all my past and present I am's. Help me leave enough room to create new sides or parts of myself,too.

Activity: Take some time to write in your journal about all the different roles you play in your life right now. Describe each role as accurately as you can. The next time you get stuck, consult each one of these personalities. For instance, the worker in you may want to make a particular decision about moving forward in your career, but the parent self may have some objections. Understand every part of your personality and learn to make decisions that benefit the whole.

*****

Walking With Awareness
Mindful Walking

Many of us take the benefits of walking for granted. Each day we limit the steps we take by driving or sitting for long periods of time. But walking even a few blocks a day has unlimited benefits – not only for our health, but our spirit as well, for as we walk, we connect with the earth.

Even when walking on concrete, the earth is still beneath us, supporting us. Walking lets our body remember simpler times, when life was less complicated. This helps us slow down to the speed of our body and take the time to integrate the natural flow of life into our cellular tissue. Instead of running from place to place or thinking about how much more we can fit into our day, walking allows us to exist in the moment.

Each step we take can lead us to becoming more mindful of ourselves and our feelings. Walking slows us down enough not only to pay attention to where we are in our body, but also to our breath. Taking time to simply notice our breath while we walk, through the length of our inhales and exhales, and becoming attuned to the way in which we breathe is taking a step towards mindfulness. When we become more mindful, we gradually increase our awareness of the environment around us and start to recognize that the normal flow of our thoughts and feelings are not always related to where we are in the present moment. Gradually we realize that the connection we have with the earth and the ground beneath our feet is all that is. By walking and practicing breathing mindfully we gain a sense of calm and tranquility -- the problems and troubles of the day slowly fade away because we are in the ‘now’.

The simplicity and ease of a walking practice allows us to create time, space and awareness of our surroundings and of the wonders that lie within. Taking a few moments to walk each day and become more aware of our breath will in turn open the door for the beauty of the world around us to filter in. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 12

Reflection For The Day

“At certain moments.” wrote Coleridge, ” a single almost insignificant sorrow may, by association, bring together all the little epics of pain and discomfort, bodily and mental, that we have endured even from infancy.” The Program doesn’t teach us to pretend that hardships and sorrow are meaningless. Grief really hurts, and so do other kinds of pain. But now that we’re free of our addictions, we have much greater control over our thinking. And the thoughts we choose to spend time on during any given day can strongly influence the complexion of our feelings for that day. Am I finding different and better ways of using my mind?

Today I Pray

May I thank God for the pain — however insignificant -0- that magnetizes my succession of old hurts into one large one that I can take out and look at, and then discard to make room for new and present concerns. May I thank God for restoring my sensitivity to pain after the numbness of addiction.

Today I Will Remember

I can thank God for restoring my feelings.

******************************

One More Day
September 12

There is no more certain sign of a narrow mind, or stupidity, and of arrogance, then to stand aloof from those who think differently from us.
– Walter Savage Landor

We all carry some opinions and beliefs formed long ago, with no thought as to how they continue to affect us. We may be inflexible to beliefs or ideas that differ from ours. Because of this we might be intolerant of other people, especially those who seem different from us.

Our beliefs and actions toward other people may come from fear — a fear of the unexpected, of the unknown, or of being wrong. Wee may resist examining the rules and beliefs governing our lives because we’re not totally sure of them. Opening ourselves to new ideas is easier if we remain ourselves that we don’t have to accept the ideas, just the people.

I can fearlessly open myself to new ideas and new people.

************************************************** ******************

Food For Thought

Carrying the Message

We do not keep our program unless we give it away. Our participation in meetings is a means of sharing with others what OA has given us. We are genuinely interested in newcomers, because they remind us of where we came from and because they give us an opportunity to strengthen our own program by sharing what we have received.

Sometimes we carry the message by providing transportation for someone who otherwise would not get to a meeting. Sometimes we give of ourselves by simply listening when a newcomer needs to talk. Practicing the OA principles in all areas of our life is carrying the message, even to those who are not compulsive overeaters.

Abstinence and the OA program now occupy the central place in our lives, the place which was once held by food. Following the will of our Higher Power means that we carry the message as He directs us. We are willing to be used in whatever way God moves us to give away our program.

May I serve You by carrying the message.

[bluidkiti]

September 13

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Love, a thousand, thousand voices,
From night to dawn,
from dawn to night,
Have cried the passion
of their choices
To orb your name and keep it bright.
--William Rose Benet
We are each in the midst of unique lives, and our choices are based on our own experiences, so it's only natural that they all be different. One of us may choose to go to jail for protesting nuclear weapons; another may choose to pray for peace. Both are working for the same goal.
It is a sign of our love to respect others' right to choose for themselves, even to make choices we may not agree with. Perhaps a brother or sister likes music we hate, or a son or daughter wants to wear an unusual style of clothing. How often do we, in the name of love, try to force our choices on others? When we give the gift of letting loved ones choose what is right for them, it strengthens our ability to choose what is right for us.
Whose choices can I honor today, even if I disagree?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Mothers give sons permission to be a prince but the father must show him how.... Fathers give daughters permission to be princesses. And mothers must show them how. Otherwise, both boys and girls will grow up and always see themselves as frogs. --Eric Berne
Relationships with our fathers have been central in shaping our characters. We catch ourselves saying what we heard our fathers say, or doing something we know they did. Many of us have had pain and resentments in these relationships. We wanted more time than they gave us, or we longed for praise but got criticism, or we were never sure we measured up to them.
Some of us can change our relationships with our fathers. We can do it, not by asking them to be different, but by being our full adult selves with them. This new experience is the doorway to a new aspect of our selves. Many of us cannot change our relationships with our fathers, but being with our sons and daughters in ways that nurture their growth is another chance to redo for ourselves what we missed.
My father's importance to me is a fact I must surrender to. I will take what he has given me and grow with it.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Nobody told me how hard and lonely change is. --Joan Gilbertson
Pain, repeatedly experienced, indicates a need for self-assessment, an inventory of our behavior. Honest self-appraisal may well call for change, a change in attitude perhaps, a change in specific behavior in some instances, or maybe a change in direction. We get off the right path occasionally, but go merrily on our way until barriers surface, doors close, and experiences become painful.
Most of us willingly wallow in our pain a while, not because we like it, but because its familiarity offers security. We find some comfort in our pain because at least it holds no surprises.
When our trust in God is high, we are more willing to change. And we open ourselves to the indications for movement in a new direction. Each of us must find our own willingness. Each of us must develop attentiveness to the signs that repeatedly invite changes in our behavior. But most of all, each of us has to travel the road to change, singly. Changes we must find the courage to make will never be exactly like someone else's changes.
Courage to change accompanies faith. My fears are telling me to look within to the spiritual source of strength, ever present but often forgotten.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Times of Reprogramming
Recovery is not all-tiresome, unrewarded work. There are times of joy and rest, times when we comfortably practice what we have learned. There are times of change, times when we struggle to learn something new or overcome a particular problem.
These are the times when what we've been practicing in recovery begins to show in our life. These times of change are intense, but purposeful.
There are also times when, at a deep level, we are being "reprogrammed." We start letting go of beliefs and behaviors. We may feel frightened or confused during these times. Our old behaviors or patterns may not have worked for us, but they were comfortable and familiar.
During these times we may feel vulnerable, lonely, and needy - like we are on a journey without a road map or a flashlight, and we feel as if no one has traveled this ground before.
We may not understand what is being worked out in us. We may not know where or if we are being led.
We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is working His finest and best to bring true change in us. Others have traveled this road to. We will be led to someone who can help us, someone who can provide the markers we need.
We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love as our heart can hold.
Recovery is a healing process. We can trust it, even when we don't understand it. We are right where we need to be in this process; we're going through exactly what we need to experience. And where we're going is better than any place we've been.
Today, God, help me believe that the changes I'm going through are for the good. Help me believe that the road I'm traveling will lead to a place of light, love, and joy.


Today I'm taking all the steps that I can for my recovery. My Higher Power is giving me all the guidance I need, and I am full of joy and gratitude that I am growing and healing today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Surrender to Your Feelings

Sometimes we think being strong means not giving in to our emotions. But that’s not strength, that’s denial and resistance. Real power comes from being vulnerable enough to feel whatever you feel.

Keep going, we tell ourselves. Don’t give in, This will pass… But the only way to pass through these times is by feeling what we feel. The longer we fight and resist our emotions, the longer the situation will continue that is triggering them.

We may not see the lesson until we feel the feeling. We may not see the issue, the next step, the way out or the way through until we give in, feel our emotions, then release them. It’s not enough to talk about them, although that will help bring them into consciousness, into the light of day. But talking about our feelings is different from surrendering to and feeling the emotional energy.

Feel the feeling, then release it. Now your soul and the universe can move you forward into new circumstances, into growth. An issue to work on– such as freedom, forgiveness, acceptance, love, or valuing some part of ourselves or our lives– may naturally and automatically emerge. If we pay attention to the process by which we grow, we will clearly see that each step of the way– feeling our feeling, accepting it, and then releasing it– triggered the next step of growth. Soon we will see that we are learning a new lesson. We are on our way again.

There is magic in allowing our feelings to pass through us, magic in giving in. There is power, more than we think in being vulnerable enough to feel what we feel.

*****

more language of letting go
Who do you say you are?

I was driving out to the skydiving center one day, mulling things over in my head. Before long, I'd be on the plane and it would be my time to walk to that door and jump out. The fears started brewing and building up. I don't know if I can do this, I thought. I don't even know if I want to become a sky diver or if this path is right for me.

"You already are a sky diver," a quiet voice said.

That's right, I thought.

When I first began recovering from my chemical dependency, I preferred to identify myself as a drug addict. "My name is Melody, and I am a drug addict," I'd say quietly at the group. One member of the group started harping at me after hearing me identify this way. "You're an alcoholic,too," he said. "And you should label yourself as that."

I resisted what he said for a while, and then I decided to give it a try. Finally at one meeting, I said the words aloud. "My name is Melody, and I am an alcoholic."

Now, I understand why it was so important-- not to him but to me-- to label myself as an alcoholic. Number one, it was important because it was the truth. In order to focus on my recovery, I needed to abstain from using both alcohol and drugs. Number two, whether this friend knew it or not, he knew the power of the Great I Am.

He wasn't asking me to degrade or limit myself. All he was asking me to do was identify who I really was and am. And by saying and acknowledging this, I helped create a new role, a new personality. I am now, at the time of this writing, by the grace of God, a recovering alcoholic and addict.

Most of us aren't one single thing. We're a parent, a student, maybe a recovering person, and a grown child. We form many new I am's as we go through life.

Watch each time you say the words I am in a conversation or thought. Pay attention to the times you say I'm not, as well. Then spend some time reflecting not only on who you are, but who you want to become.

Discover the power in your life from saying I am.

Who do you say you are and you aren't.

Give yourself a chance to become someone new.

God, help me understand and use correctly, to the best possible benefit of my growth, the power of the Great I Am.

*****

A Reason to Smile
Five Minutes to Happiness

by Madisyn Taylor

If you aren't a naturally happy person, take time each day to cultivate that which brings you happiness.


It can be so easy to get caught up in the rigors of modern life that we tend to forget that happiness need not come with stipulations. Happiness becomes something we must schedule and strive for—a hard-won emotion—and then only when we have no worries to occupy our thoughts. In reality, overwhelming joy is not the exclusive province of those with unlimited time and no troubles to speak of. Many of the happiest people on earth are also those coping with the most serious challenges. They have learned to make time for those simple yet superb pleasures that can be enjoyed quickly and easily. Cultivating a happy heart takes no more than five minutes. The resultant delight will be neither complex nor complicated, but it will be profound and will serve as a reminder that there is always a reason to smile.

So much that is ecstasy-inducing can be accomplished in five minutes. Alone, we can enjoy an aromatic cup of our favorite tea, take a stroll through the garden we have created, write about the day's events in a journal, doodle while daydreaming, or breathe deeply while we listen to the silence around us. In the company of a good friend or treasured relative, we can share a few silly jokes, enjoy a waltz around the room, play a fast-paced hand of cards, or reconnect through lighthearted conversation. The key is to first identify what makes us dizzyingly happy. If we do only what we believe should bring us contentment, our five minutes will not be particularly satisfying. When we allow ourselves the freedom to do whatever brings us pleasure, five minutes out of 14 wakeful hours can brighten our lives immeasurably.

It is often when we have the least free time or energy to devote to joy that we need to unwind and enjoy ourselves the most. Making happiness a priority will help you find five minutes every day to indulge in the things that inspire elation within you. Eventually, your happiness breaks will become an established part of your routine. If you start by pursuing activities you already enjoy and then gradually think up new and different ways to fill your daily five minutes of happiness, you will never be without something to smile about.

******************************

A Day At A Time
September 13

Reflection For The Day

We hear often in The Program that pain is the touchstone of spiritual progress. We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism has to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. We no longer commiserate with all people who suffer, but only with those who suffer in ignorance — those who don’t understand the purpose of ultimate utility of pain. In Proust’s words, “To goodness and wisdom we make only promises; pain we obey.” Do I believe that pain is God’s way of trying to get my attention?

Today I Pray

May I understand that value of pain in my life, especially if I am headed breakneck down a track of self-destruction. May I know that pain is God’s way of flagging down the train I’m on before it gets to a bridge wash-oot. May I be thankful that pain forced me to throw the switch in time.

Today I Will Remember

Pain saves lives.

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One More Day
September 13

What next? Why ask? Next will come a demand about which you already know all you need to know: that it measures is your own strength.
– Dag Hammarskyjol

Life is full of demands; we know and expect that. Most of us wish we knew about them ahead of time, but it’s just not possible to prepare in advance for stress. Negative stressors like a flat tire of a severe illness and positive stressors like a family reunion are typical of the demands placed on us throughout our lives.

Somehow, when these things happen, we manage to rise to the occasion. We may need to sue all our resources — physical and spiritual — to cope, but we usually find within ourselves the strength and enth7usiasm for the demands we face.

By knowing that I will be able to handle life’s crises with deep inner strength, I need not ask myself “What’s Next?
Anonymous

************************************************** ******************

Food For Thought

Hungering

Deep within us is a hunger, which is not satisfied by food. We hunger for love and fellowship with each other and we hunger for communion with our Higher Power. We were not made to be alone and isolated. Withdrawing into compulsive overeating makes the deep hunger even worse.

As long as we are alive, we will never be fully satisfied. There will always be more love to give and receive and more steps to take on our spiritual journey. In this sense, we will always be hungry. Spiritual hunger is a good thing, as long as we recognize it for what it is and do not try to appease it with material substitutes.

Our Higher Power has created us with a hunger, which He alone can satisfy. As our progress through the Twelve Steps brings us closer to Him and closer to each other, we experience a fulfillment, which we had not known before. We are learning to hunger for spirituality.

Bless our hunger, we pray.

[bluidkiti]

September 14

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Something can't happen every day. You get up, go to work, come back, eat again, enjoy some leisure, go back to bed. Now that's plenty for most folks. --Ntozake Shange
When we were all little kids, before we started school, the days felt so long it seemed like we had time for everything.
But when we started school, we had to start living by the clock, and in this way, we became very grown up. Sometimes we feel angry about living by the clock, all of us who are first grade and older! But there are things we can do to help us live with these limits.
First, we can learn to set a goal for each day, and once we have reached that goal--whether it's doing spelling homework, mopping the floor, or writing three business letters--we can announce to whoever happens to be around, "Now that I've completed that, I don't have to worry about one more thing to feel worthwhile."
Second, we can believe what we said! We can relax, do something fun, enjoy the pleasures that the day offers.
What is my goal for today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
When a person drowns himself in negative thinking he is committing an unspeakable crime against himself. --Maxwell Maltz
Negative thoughts can rule our lives as compulsively as an addiction. The feelings of power we get from holding a dismal and gloomy outlook deprive us of the positive and pleasant parts of life. Some of us have said, "If I expect the worst, I won't be disappointed. If I think the worst about myself, no one else can cut me down." It is like taking a driving trip and looking only for trash and garbage in the ditches, ignoring the beauty beyond. Indeed, what we see may be real, but it is a very limited piece of the picture.
When we have relied on negative thinking, it feels risky to give it up. We cannot do it in one day. We can begin by imagining ourselves with a more open attitude toward the world and ourselves. Then we can try it out as an experiment in little ways, with no commitment. Finally we reach the point where we can take a risk and entrust our Higher Power with the outcome.
Today, I will experiment with hopeful and positive thoughts about what happens.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
What a strange pattern the shuttle of life can weave. --Frances Marion
How shortsighted is our judgment about today's experiences! We'll see with clarity where they may lead us only after we've reached our destination. Of one thing we can be certain: Today's experiences, in concert with yesterday's and all that's gone before, are combining to weave an intricate life design, unique, purposeful, and for our ultimate good.
We need not feel remorse over lost chances or unproductive behavior in the past. Our destination remains the same, and our arrival is guaranteed. Our actions and decisions are never wrong. We may veer off course for a time, but the design for our lives will pull us back on the track.
The program is part of the design for our lives. It's helping us to stay on course. In fact, when we're working the Steps, we're at ease with our direction, and we trust the outcome of our efforts to the power of the program. We will add to the richness of our design, today, just as we have every day of our lives. We can anticipate today's experiences with an excited heart.
There is something special going on in my life today. I will give everybody and every event my full attention.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
What's Good for Me?
When we are soul searching, be it for the smaller or larger decisions we face during the day, we can learn to ask, is this good for me?... Is this what I really want?... Is this what I need?...Does this direction feel right for me?...or am I succumbing to the control and influence that I sometimes allow others to have over me?
It is not unhealthy selfishness to question if something is good for us. That is an old way of thinking. To ask if something is good for us is a healthy behavior, not to be ashamed of, and will probably work out in the other person's best interests too.
We shall not wander down a selfish path of self-indulgence by asking if a thing is good for us. We shall not stray from God's intended plan, God's highest good, by asking if a thing is good for us. By asking ourselves this simple question, we participate in directing our life toward the highest good and purpose; we own our power to hold ourselves in self-esteem.
Today, I will begin acting in my best interests. I will do this with the understanding that, on occasion, my choices will not please everyone around me. I will do this with the understanding that asking if a thing is good for me will ultimately help me take true responsibility for my life and my choices.


I am most grateful for the guidance I am receiving in my recovery. The more I open myself up to admitting I can't do it alone, the more I realize help is always there. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

There Is Power in Powerlessness

Sometimes we can’t help ourselves. No matter how hard we try, no matter how deeply we feel we should be doing things differently, no matter how committed we are to personal responsibility, free will, self-actualization, and self-determination, sometimes we simply cannot help ourselves.

We keep on doing the same old things. We can’t seem to change, even though we wish we could. It doesn’t mean we aren’t responsible, doesn’t mean we aren’t accountable. It means simply that for the present moment, we can’t change, can’t help ourselves, can’t do it differently.

Many of us have discovered a truth in these moments. There is power even in powerlessness. There is power in admitting powerlessness. By voicing the problem, by accepting the powerlessness, you are bringing– attracting– help. Ask for the help you need. Admit and accept your powerlessness.

Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone in your problem, your powerlessness, or your search for a solution. Let love lead the way to the answer you seek.

*****

more language of letting go
Affirm yourself

When I began flying and skydiving, I found myself fumbling inadequately with new roles or parts of myself. When I began writing, I found myself fumbling with that part of myself. I want to be a writer, I'd think, but I'm not, at least not yet. I have to get this number of books published and this number of good reviews first.

It can take years and many successes in any new area in our lives before we can confidently say to ourselves and others, I am. I am a sky diver. I am a pilot. I am a writer. Oh, the power of those words I am.

You may not have much parenting experience if your first child was just born last week, but you are a mother. I didn't have my ten-year medallion yet, but on the first day of my recovery I could honestly say, "I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic."

Who or what do you want to become? A good parent? A sober, recovering person? A good girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse? Do you want to become happy, peaceful, tolerant? Don't wait until you're successful to tell yourself you're that. Start now by saying you are what you want to become instead of reinforcing the words I'm not. Yes, you have much to learn. Yes, there's a way to go on that path. And you may not be proficient at it, or an expert, yet. But you don't have to be to say those little words I am.

Help create the new part of your personality by using and affirming those powerful words I am. Then watch as a new part of yourself emerges.

God, help me use my creative powers to create a better, more fulfilling life. Help me use the words I am to create who you and I want me to be.

Activity: Create your own affirmations. We each have our own path to follow, we each have different needs at different times. Pick out one area of your life that you're working on. Then give yourself one affirmation that helps you create the new reality you're working hard to create. The first two words of the affirmation need to be I am. Say this affirmation out loud seven times while looking in the mirror. Do this three times a day, once in the morning, once midday, and once before retiring at night. Do this for twenty-one consecutive days, without missing one day-- or until you don't need to say it aloud anymore because you believe it.

*****

Like a Small Town
In a Hurry

In the effort to keep up we are so busy rushing from point A to point B that we forget to enjoy the ride.


Our lives have become increasingly fast-paced, and the effort to keep up often occupies all our time and attention. We are so busy rushing from point A to point B that we forget to enjoy the ride. We race to the store without noticing the leaves on the trees or the clouds in the sky. We go through the checkout line feeling too pressed to converse with the cashier or the other people in line. At the end of a day filled with this kind of frantic pace, we may begin to wonder what it is we do all these things for, if we don’t even have the time to occasionally stop and just take it all in.

Always being rushed and in a hurry doesn’t allow time for the soul to enjoy life, which is composed of small, ordinary moments, like watching snow fall from the sky, having a spontaneous conversation with a stranger, or lingering over a meal for several hours. Small towns and the people who live in them can teach us all a thing or two about living life to the fullest as a daily matter. City people have a tendency to think that their lives are full because they are doing so many different things, but in a small town, there tends to be more time left open to be spontaneous or take an extended moment of rest. This certainly doesn’t mean that we can’t live in a city and enjoy life fully—we can and do; it just takes a little more awareness.

One thing we can do, wherever we live, is bring awareness breaks into our day and take 10 minutes to simply look out the window and observe what’s happening outside. We might also choose to cultivate a relationship with someone we see regularly, such as a clerk at the convenience mart, a neighbor, or someone we see in the elevator at work. Taking time to have a conversation that is not necessary is a true luxury in this day and age, as is staring out the window. Participating in these acts of timelessness makes the biggest city in the world start to feel a little bit more like a small town. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 14

Reflection For The Day

Until we came to The Program, our lives had been spent running from pain and problems. Escape by way of alcohol or other chemicals was always our temporary solution. Then we started going to meetings. We looked and listened, often with amazement. Everywhere around us, we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. To those who’ve made progress in The Program, humility is simply a clear recognition of what and who we really are — followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. Is The Program showing me what I could be?

Today I Pray

I pray for humility, which is another word for perspective, a level look at the real me and where I stand in relation to God and other people. May I be grateful to humility; it is the processing plant through which my raw hurts and ragged delusions are refined into new courage and sensitivities.

Today I Will Remember

Humility restores my “sight”.

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One More Day
September 14

I loaf and invite my soul, I lean and loaf at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.
–Walt Whitman

Sometimes we may have wished we could be like Aladdin and have three wishes. We might have even made mental lists of the things we could ask for.

We know that just having material possessions is not a guarantee for happiness. We know there has to be a purpose to life beyond wealth, a reason to get out of bed each morning. Whatever our walk of life, whatever our state of health, we all need to feel worthwhile.

We can’t rub magic lanterns, but we can create important reasons for living, such as a paid job, volunteer work, gardening or another hobby, or just plain relaxing. Idleness is sometimes good for improving our attitude.

The power of relaxation is a strong reason to keep me from becoming stressed.

************************************************** *****************

Food For Thought

Emptiness

When we were overeating, we felt empty inside no matter how much we ate. Now that we are abstaining, we may still experience periods of feeling empty. This emptiness is especially likely to occur after an occasion to which we have looked forward with much anticipation.

Perhaps we expect too much from a person or an event and feel let down when reality falls short of our anticipation. Perhaps we find ourselves with a group of people whose conversation is superficial and relationships are phony. Putting on a mask and keeping it in place for any length of time leaves us feeling drained and empty.

Without honest, meaningful contact with other people, we are emotionally undernourished. In order to have the mutually nurturing relationships we need, our false fronts have to be abandoned. Through this program, we learn to seek out the kinds of people and activities that fill us and to avoid those that leave us empty

Fill my emptiness, Lord.

[bluidkiti]

September 15

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
He felt frightened at being different from his brothers and sisters. It scared him to be different. --E. B. White
How ugly and wrong it makes us feel to be different: to be tall when others are short, slow when others are fast, black when others are white.
The miracle, and paradox, is that everyone is different--and that is what makes us all the same.
When we think honestly about the people we admire--friends, sports heros, actors, musicians, parents, teachers, employers--we know that all of them, as human beings, not heroes, have felt out of place in their lives, probably many times.
Believing we are alone or different cuts us off from others. Climbing over that protective wall of "differentness" is scary, but it is guaranteed to set us free.
How can I let go of my "differentness" today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
When people are loving, brave, truthful, charitable, God is present. --Harold Kushner
For many of us, our spiritual awakening began when we first heard our Higher Power might be our group. We learned that God may exist in the connections between people in our group just as well as within each individual. As we members exchange care and help with each other, as each struggles to achieve complete honesty and wrestles bravely with old temptations, God is truly in our midst. Closeness flourishes because we felt so alone but then found friends who suffered in similar ways. It is an expression of a spirit beyond our rational control,
When we ask another member to listen to us, we contribute to the strength of this spirit. When we give someone a ride to a meeting or spread the word about this program to other suffering men and women, we make a contribution and receive its benefits. Even now, if we need a renewal of confidence in God's presence in our lives, we can telephone another member and just talk. We will quickly sense the spirit.
Today, I am grateful to feel God's presence in my life and within the people around me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
When our myths, dreams, and ideals are shattered, our world topples. --Kathleen Casey Thiesen
The act of "becoming" topples our world, and rightly so. We outgrow yesterday's ideals, and we have begun realizing, in our unfolding, the dreams of last year. Now new dreams call us. Recovery has toppled our world. Hallelujah!
In our abstinence, each day offers us fresh opportunities to "create" new realities to replace the outworn, outgrown myths of the using days. But letting go of the old takes patience, persistence, and strength. The old comforted us, when there was little else.
Perhaps we need reminding that were it not for the shattered myths of last year or last week, we'd not be progressing, unfolding, as the bigger picture calls us. We have a part to play in this life, as do our sisters, our friends, our children. New dreams and ideals will lead us on our way. Old dreams served us yesterday, and the past is gone. They can't direct our present.
I will look with excitement at my toppling world. It signifies growth - intellectual, emotional and spiritual. Old ideals will bind me--I will dare to dream new dreams and go where they lead with confidence.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Getting Through Hard Times
We are sturdy beings. But in many ways, we are fragile. We can accept change and loss, but this comes at our own pace and in our own way. And only God and we can determine the timing. --Codependent No More
Hard times, stressful times, are not all there is to life, but they are part of life, growth, and moving forward.
What we do with hard times, or hard energy, is our choice.
We can use the energy of hard times to work out, and work through, our issues. We can use it to fine-tune our skills and our spirituality. Or we can go through these situations suffering, storing up bitterness, and refusing to grow or change.
Hard times can motivate and mold us to bring out our best. We can use these times to move forward and upward to higher levels of living, loving, and growth.
The choice is ours. Will we let ourselves feel? Will we take a spiritual approach, including gratitude, toward the event? Will we question life and our Higher Power by asking what we're supposed to be learning and doing? Or will we use the incident to prove old, negative beliefs? Will we say, "Nothing good ever happens to me... I'm just a victim... People can't be trusted... Life isn't worth living"?
We do not always require hard energy, or stress, to motivate us to grow and change. We do not have to create stress, seek it, or attract it. But if it's there, we can learn to channel it into growth and use it for achieving what's good in life.
God, let my hard times be healing times.


Today I'm willing to take responsibility for my own life. I am willing to grow up and let go of my parents. I am filled with the sense of my own power and I choose not to give it away. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Heal Your Broken Heart

I lay on the cot in the bathhouse at the mineral springs. I was wrapped from head to toe in a woolen blanket. As I lay there, the blanket covering my face. I could almost feel each break line in my heart. I could feel the fractures in a way I hadn’t before. I knew then that healing my heart was one of the purposes of this journey.

Your heart may have been broken many times. Some breaks hurt more than others, but each break caused a fracture, a weakness in your ability and willingness to love, trust, and heal.

Don’t shut down. Don’t go away. Don’t tell yourself, My pain is not important. I’m stronger than that. That’s just the way life is. Those are all lies we tell ourselves, lies to hide the pain of the break. The smallest betrayal unexpressed, at least to ourselves, can cause damage to our hearts. Willingness is the key– willingness to feel all we need to feel, willingness to heal, to love again.

As you go deeper into your journey, deeper into your joy, go deeper into your heart. Mend and heal all those tiny breaks lines, all the fractures, all the cracks. As you go deeper into joy, you will go deeper into your pain, your grief, your losses. Don’t be afraid. That doesn’t mean you’ll return to despair or that you will live forever in grief and anguish.

Take the time now to mend the break lines. Go deep within your heart to help it heal. Bury the broken dreams. Release the hurts. Acknowledge the betrayals. And then lightly, gently, with love, rub a golden layer of forgiveness and love around your heart.

There comes a time in the journey to the heart when it is time to let it heal. The deeper we go into the healing, the freer we will be, the more we will know what we feel, and the more we will feel joy.

*****

more language of letting go
You are a work of art

All the arts we practice are apprenticeship. The big art is our life.
--M.C. Richards

What you do is not who you are.

You are more, much more, than that.

It's easy to get so caught up in what we do that we're only identifying ourselves through our daily tasks. I am a mechanic. I am a parking lot attendant. I am a doctor. I am a dishwasher. When we link ourselves too closely to our jobs, we deny ourselves the chance to ever be anything else. We limit ourselves by believing that's all we are and all we'll ever be.

Our concept of who we are is one of the hardest, but most rewarding ideas we can change. If you have been brought up believing that you are clumsy, you will probably demonstrate this belief in your actions-- until you identify that idea, let go of it, and let yourself be something else.

Don't limit yourself by saying you are just what you do. Stop seeing yourself as a static being. If I am "just" a parking lot attendant, then how can I hope to ever influence someone through my words, my art, my music, my life? But if I am a vital, living, growing, soul who happens to be parking people's cars, then everything I do can become a symphony. I can have an influence for good in the lives of everyone I touch. I can learn from them, and they from me. I can learn the lessons that I am supposed to learn at this place in my life, and I can move on to other lessons.

God gave us the power to change. You're more than what you do. You're a vital vibrant soul that came here to experience, grow, and change. Make a masterpiece out of your life.

God, help me realize the glory of my soul. Thank you for my mortality and for the ability to learn and grow.

*****

Healthful Slumber
The Importance of Sleep

When life gets busy, sleep is often the first activity that we sacrifice. Considered a luxury by many busy people, sleep is actually as vital to sustaining a balanced life as are breathing, eating, and drinking. Getting sufficient sleep can be a potent energizer, just as not getting enough sleep can leave you feeling drained and sluggish. While eight hours is the average amount of sleep most adults should generally aim for, the right amount of sleep varies for each person. Some people may thrive on just four hours, while others don’t feel well rested unless they’ve slept for ten hours. How much we sleep also varies, depending upon where we are in life. Young people often need more sleep, while older people may need less. But the benefits of sleep always stay the same. Regular and consistent periods of wakefulness and sleep are key ingredients to fostering a healthy body and a clear mind. It is during sleep that your body renews itself.

Often, the ability to forgo sleep is considered by some to be an asset. But while it may seem that the nighttime hours can be better used for more productive activities, sleep in itself is extremely productive. During sleep, your body and psyche are both regaining their strength for the coming day. You may have the unique opportunity to explore the hidden recesses of your personality while you are dreaming. Meanwhile, your long-term memories are reinforced. Many cultures engage in an afternoon siesta. Taking a nap is refreshing and can increase both productivity and creativity.

Many famous writers and artists have looked toward their dreams as a source of inspiration. Lewis Carroll is said to have conceived his idea for Alice in Wonderland while dreaming. The expression “sleeping on it” is more than just a saying. Answers to problems can come in your sleep and present themselves to your wide-awake self in the morning. The ancient Greeks valued sleep so significantly, they believed it was a gift from the gods. When you sleep well, you will awaken feeling alert, refreshed, and ready for life’s challenges. Getting enough sleep will ensure that you are centered, thoughtful, and aware throughout the day so you can live your full potential. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 15

Reflection For The Day

No one welcomes pain with open arms, but it does have its uses. Just as physical pain serves as a warning that we may be suffering a bodily illness, so can emotional pain be a useful sign that something is wrong — as well as a warning that we need to make a change. When we can meet pain with the cause of the hurt, rather than running away as we did when we were actively addicted. Can I bear some emotional discomfort? Am I less fragile than I once had believed?

Today I Pray

I pray I may be better able to face hurt or pain, now that I am getting to know reality — good and bad. I sincerely pray that the super-sensitivity of my addictive days will disappear, that people will not feel they must treat me like blown glass, which could shatter at a puff of criticism.

Today I Will Remember

Throw away my stamp: “Fragile Handle With Care.”

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One More Day
September 15

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
– Winston Churchill

Nearly everyone who has ever under gone a time of high stress has an intense need to talk about it. A person who has lost someone close may talk almost constantly about it. People who are admitting that they must deal with chronic pain often feel the same need.

We can and should expect our friends to allow us the comfort of talking about our feelings and experiences. As people who are suffering from pain and who are often driven to recount an illness’ history, we need to realize there is a point at which people no longer want to listen — they may want to leave instead. We must work — harder than we ever have before — to build a well-balanced life that has some happy or humorous stories to share.

I will leave room in my conversations for stories that make me and my friends feel good.

************************************************** ******************

Food For Thought

Peace

Our mental obsession with food gave us little peace. The refined sugars and carbohydrates, which we craved, left us jangled and over stimulated. Our guilt and self-hate kept us in a state of fear and turmoil. We raced about frantically in our minds trying to think of a way out of our misery.

Abstaining from refined sugar and carbohydrates gives us physical peace. Our body is no longer in an uproar; it is functioning calmly and efficiently. The Twelve Steps of recovery free us from the mental obsession with food and bring about emotional and spiritual peace. The more control we relinquish to our Higher Power, the more peace He gives us.

The peace, which comes through working our program, is not stagnant – it is rich and creative. It is the peace, which results from an ordered life and confidence in God. Instead of going in circles, both physically and mentally, we move in measured progress along the path, which our Higher Power shows us step by step each day.

Thank You for peace.

[bluidkiti]

September 16

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The sign must come like dawn. You cannot see its arrival, but know when it is there. --Diane Wakoski
Let us take a break, sit by the river, and watch the current quietly flow. Let's just think, for a moment, about where the current is going, the shores it will brush on its way, the clouds reflected on its surface, the animals that come to drink from it, the bobbers it gently nudges downstream.
Our lives sometimes seem like the river, wandering to the west, the south, back toward the east, seemingly without direction at all. Yet we can take comfort in this thought, for, like the river, we are always headed in the direction we are meant to go. Without trying, without knowing, we are part of the larger pattern of things, and we nourish many others just by passing through their lives.
What shores will my life touch today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Sit loosely in the saddle of life. --Robert Louis Stevenson
Sitting loosely in the saddle is an image of detachment for us. Detachment doesn't mean we stop caring. It means we have an inner wisdom telling us what we can control and what we cannot. When we go to meetings and hear fellow members struggling with temptations to return to old behaviors, we need to detach. When family members or friends are engaged in an addiction, we need to sit loosely in the saddle by caring, but not protecting them from the results of their behavior. Sometimes close friends will be "off base" in the way they talk to us. We practice detachment by not being reactive to the person but being responsive to the inner message of what kind of men we wish to be.
We can't control another person's behavior toward us. Our inner security will never come from how someone else behaves. The most helpful thing we can do for someone is to listen and care; then we need to be ready to let go of the outcome.
I will accept the limits of my control over others. I will care and let go.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
I long to speak out the intense inspiration that comes to me from lives of strong women. --Ruth Benedict
Each day that we thoughtfully make choices about our behavior and our attitudes, we offer ourselves as examples to others--examples of strength.
As women on recovery paths, we find encouragement from one another's successes. No one of us met our experiences very successfully before discovering this program. In most cases we lacked the structure that comes with the Steps. Direction was missing from our lives. Too often we passively bounced from man to man, job to job, drunk to drunk.
When working the Steps, we are never in doubt about the manner for 'proceeding in any situation. The Steps provide the parameters that secure our growth. They help us to see where we've been and push us toward the goals, which crowd our dreams.
We have changed. We will continue to grow. The past need haunt us no more. The future can be faced with confidence. Whatever strength is needed to fulfill our destinies will find us. And our forward steps will make the way easier for the women who follow.
What a blessing these Steps are! They answer my every question. They fulfill my every need.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Revenge
No matter how long we've been recovering, no matter how solid our spiritual ground, we may still feel an overwhelming desire at times to punish, or get even, with another person.
We want revenge.
We want to see the other person hurt the way he or she has hurt us. We want to see life deal that person just rewards. In fact, we would like to help life out.
Those are normal feelings, but we do not have to act on them. These feelings are part of our anger but it's not our job to deal justice.
We can allow ourselves to feel the anger. It is helpful to go one step deeper and let ourselves feel the other feelings - the hurt, the pain, the anguish. But our goal is to release the feelings, and be finished with them.
We can hold the other person accountable. We can hold the other person responsible. But it is not our responsibility to be judge and jury. Actively seeking revenge will not help us. It will block us and hold us back.
Walk away. Stop playing the game. Unhook. Learn your lesson. Thank the other person for having taught you something valuable. And be finished with it. Put it behind, with the lesson intact.
Acceptance helps. So does forgiveness - not the kind that invites that person to use us again, but a forgiveness that releases the other person and sets him or her free to walk a separate path, while releasing our anger and resentments. That sets us free to walk our own path.
Today, I will be as angry as I need to be, with a goal of finishing my business with others. Once I have released my hurt and anger, I will strive for healthy forgiveness - forgiveness with boundaries. I understand that boundaries, coupled with forgiveness and compassion, will move me forward.


Light is shining on my path today as I face in the direction of love and goodness. One step at a time is leading me exactly where I need to be. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

The Real Magic Is About to Begin

At some point in the journey, we may become tired, weary, and confused. Homesick. All the mountains, the scenery, the food, the people, the experiences just don’t do it for us anymore. We want to go home. What am I doing here? we wonder. Nothing worthwhile is happening. Yet another part of us knows the truth and whispers, Yes, something is happening, something worthwhile.

Feeling homesick is part of the journey. It can mean we’ve reached a turning point. “When we get to that place,” a friend said, “it means the journey has really begun.”

Stay present for yourself and all your emotions. You’ve worked through so much. Don’t stop now. Getting through this place, this point, will turn your life around. You’ve learned and grown, you’ve worked so hard healing your heart and cleansing your soul. Your spiritual growth has been profound. But until now, all the work you’ve done has been to prepare you for where you’re going.

You’ve seen only a little of what life has to offer. You’re about to walk through a door. Now that your heart is open, you’ll see, touch, and know even more of life’s wonders. It’s the reward for where you’ve been. Keep feeling your feelings and trusting your guidance.

Let the magic begin.

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more language of letting go
Let your creative self flow

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.
--Joseph Chilton Pearce

Creativity isn't just something we do.

Being creative doesn't mean just drawing pictures, writing books, or sculpting statues out of clay. There's not a limited pot of creativity available only to the artists.

Creativity is a vital living force in the universe that is available to each of us, to assist us in living our lives. All we need to do to align ourselves with that force is let go of our fears.

Need a new idea on how to fix that room, that thesis, that relationshio? Need an idea about how to fix your life? Let yourself be creative. Encourage your ideas to flow. Listen to your intuition, to your spirit.

Listen to that small idea you have, the one you have so much passion for. Let go of your rational thought process just for a moment. Let creativity help you live your life. Ask the Creator for help.

God, show me how creative I am and can be. Give me the courage to be willing to make mistakes as I create my path with heart.

*****

Making Life Yours
Perception

There is no secret recipe for happiness and contentment. The individuals who move through life joyously have not necessarily been blessed with lives of abundance, love, success, and prosperity. Such people have, however, been blessed with the ability to take the circumstances they’ve been handed and make them into something great. Our individual realities are colored by perception—delight and despair come from within rather than without. Situations we regard as fortuitous please us while situations we judge inauspicious cause us no end of grief. Yet if we can look at all we have accomplished without dwelling on our perceived misfortune and make each new circumstance our own, the world as a whole becomes a brighter place. A simple shift in attitude can help us recognize and unearth the hidden potential for personal and outer world fulfillment in every event, every relationship, every duty, and every setback.

The universe is often an unpredictable and chaotic place, and the human tendency is to focus on the negative and assume the positive will care for itself. But life can be no more or no less than what you make of it. If you are working in a job you dislike, you can concentrate on the positive aspects of the position and approach your work with gusto. What can you do with this job that can turn it around so you do love it. When faced with the prospect of undertaking a task you fear, you can view it as an opportunity to discover what you are truly capable of doing. Similarly, unexpected events, when viewed as surprises, can add flavor to your existence. By choosing to love life no matter what crosses your path, you can create an atmosphere of jubilance that is wonderfully infectious. A change in perspective is all it takes to change your world, but you must be willing to adopt an optimistic, hopeful mind-set.

To make a conscious decision to be happy is not enough. You must learn to observe life’s complexities through the eyes of a child seeing everything for the first time. You must furthermore divest yourself of preconceived notions of what is good and what is bad so that you can appreciate the rich insights concealed in each stage of your life’s journey. And you must strive to discover the dual joys of wanting what you have. As you gradually shift your perspective, your existence will be imbued with happiness and contentment that will remain with you forever. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 16

Reflection For The Day

We learn from others in The Program that the best way to deal with painful situations is to meet them head-on, to deal with them honestly and realistically, and to try to learn from them and use them as springboards for growth. Through The Program and our contact with a Higher Power, we can find the courage to use pain for triumphant growth. Will I believe that whatever pain I experience is a small price to pay for the joy of becoming the person I was always meant to be?

Today I Pray

May my Higher Power give me the courage I need to stop running away from painful situations. The chemical was my escape hatch, the trap door I counted on to swallow me when life became too monstrous or villainous to bear. Now that I have locked that door, may I face pain and learn from it.

Today I Will Remember

My compulsion: a trap-door and a trap.

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One More Day
September 16

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will to strive, to seek, to find and not to yield.
– Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Some privacy is given up when we develop a chronic illness, for doctors and nurses need to know details of our medical histories. We can develop new strengths to offset this loss–pride that we are taking care of ourselves, and knowledge about our medical condition.

Many of the private battles we fight concern our feelings about having a chronic health problem. We may have to yield on some points — privacy, dependence, time, and energy — but we can continue to make personal gains in spite of our health.

Just because my health has changed does not mean I need to yield on points which matter to my well-being.

************************************************** ******************

Food For Thought

Understanding

The understanding, which we gain through the OA program, is a source of constant amazement and gratitude. First, we begin to understand our illness. Then, we grow in understanding of others and ourselves. Finally, our eyes are opened more and more to the spiritual aspects of our existence.

Hearing someone else’s story gives us insight into our own behavior. We act as mirrors, reflecting each other’s problems and solutions. As we act, we are given greater understanding of why we do what we do and how we may function better. In order to gain more understanding, we must first act on the knowledge we have. Intellectual awareness alone will not enable us to control our disease.

The empathy and understanding, which we receive from fellow OA members, give us the strength and hope to recover. We begin to see where our attitudes were wrong and how to go about correcting them. As we acknowledge the Power greater than ourselves and give our lives over to Him, we open a new channel of spiritual insight and understanding.

May I understand.

[bluidkiti]

September 17

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.
--Emily Dickinson
We often hum and sing to ourselves because it makes us feel content. It is the melody itself that makes us feel good--words and thoughts do not matter.
Having hope for ourselves and for our universe is like having a melody always moving inside us. The melody may be calm or exciting, but most of all it brings with it beauty and a sense of peace. Hope can overcome the need for words and thoughts and promises. Hope is the melody that keeps us going, the hum that continues even when there are no words to the song. Hope is not a melody we think about--it must come when we believe in the goodness of our world. If we have faith in a power greater than ourselves, we will be able to find the melody of hope inside us at all times.
What is my hope for today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting. --William Shakespeare
An important part of our lives is simply tending to our basic needs --sitting down daily to share a meal with loved ones, getting enough sleep, setting time aside for haircuts and polishing shoes, spending leisure time with friends. Paying attention to these things only when they become crises makes our lives unbalanced and crisis oriented. Many men have neglected themselves because they felt it was the mark of a tough guy. Others have been so lost in an addiction or so codependent that a respectful self-caring life was not possible.
As we regain our sanity, we find balance in the basics. Self-love allows us to be responsible for our care, and it puts us in a stronger position to help others, to be creative, and to assert our right to recovery.
Today, I will look after the essentials of my personal care and my family's care before I take on other things.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Desire and longing are the whips of God. --Anna Wickham
Our dreams and desires inspire us to reach beyond our present stopping-place. That which we can achieve will draw our attention, and with certainty, a partner is on hand to help us chart the steps for realizing the goal.
Before our introduction to the Twelve Steps, we experienced desires and set many goals. Some we attained. What we often lacked was confidence, and then our commitment wavered. The program is helping us realize that all pure desires are attainable when we invite the program's structure into our daily planning.
Our lives are purposeful. Each of us is fulfilling a necessary role. The longings that tug at us, longings that bring no harm to others, or ourselves push us to realize our full potential.
Courage and strength, ability and resourcefulness are never lacking when we follow the guidance within and trust in its direction. All the wisdom necessary for succeeding at any task, completing any goal, charting any desire, is as close as our attention is to God.
I will pay heed to my desires today. I will pray for the wisdom to fulfill them. All doors will open and my steps will be guided, when the desire is spiritually sound.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
New Relationship Behaviors
We talk much about new relationship behaviors in recovery: allowing others to be themselves without over reacting and taking it personally, and owning our power to take care of ourselves. We talk about letting go of our need to control, focusing on self-responsibility, and not setting ourselves up to be victims by focusing on the other person while neglecting ourselves. We talk about having and setting healthy boundaries, talking directly, and taking responsibility for what we want and need.
While these behaviors certainly help us deal with addicted people, these are not behaviors intended only for use in what we call "dysfunctional relationships."
These behaviors are our new relationship behaviors. They help us in stressful relationships. They can help us get through times of stress in healthy relationships.
The recovery behaviors we are learning are tools - healthy relationship skills - that help us improve the quality of all our relationships.
Recovery means self-care - learning to take care of ourselves and love ourselves - with people. The healthier we become, the healthier our relationships will become. And we'll never outgrow our need for healthy behaviors.
Today, I will remember to apply my recovery behaviors in all my relationships - with friends and co-workers, as well as in any special love relationship. I will work hard at taking care of myself in the troublesome relationships, figuring out which skill might best apply. I will also consider ways that my healthy relationships might benefit from my new relationship skills.


Today I continue to find people who are positive, healthy and nurturing. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Don’t Hurry

Don’t worry and fuss about what you’re going to do tomorrow, or how tomorrow’s answers will come. The way to get through a task, a day, a life is to stay in the present moment.

Racing, pushing, trying to force things forward doesn’t work. Not anymore. Hurrying will not speed up the process, or the journey. In fact, if you race ahead of yourself, you may find you need to go back, return to the parts you skipped over, and go through it again fully present.

Yes, there are times we need to press on, times we need tp push a bit more. But hurrying won’t speed up the process. It will just keep us tense, out of step. To speed up the process, we need to fully immerse ourselves in the moment and then focus our energy, our presence, our emotions, our thoughts, and our heart.

Stay in the present moment. Listen to your heart right now. Be gentle and loving with yourself right now. Be open to the guidance around you right now, guidance that will make the present moment come alive.

If you stay in your heart, stay with yourself, stay in the present, tomorrow’s answers will come just as today’s did– naturally, gently, and on time.

*****

more language of letting go
Refresh yourself

There's a "refresh" button you can click on the computer when you're on line. It makes the computer operate more efficiently.

Sometimes we get a little sluggush,too. We've been pushing too hard. Mulling the same thoughts over and over. Doing the same things over and over. Sometimes we need a change of scenery. Sometimes we need to refresh our thoughts with prayer, meditation, a few words from a friend, or spending some time with a good book.

Maybe it's our bodies that need refreshing. We need a cold beverage, a brisk walk, a nap, or a hot shower.

Maybe we need a bigger refreshment: a weekend at a spa, a vacation. Even if our budget is low, we can pitch a tent in a park and take in the refreshing beauty of the world around us.

Look around. The world abounds with refreshments. The next time you get bogged down, stop pushing so hard. Do what you need to do to become efficient and operate with ease.

Refresh yourself.

God, help me understand the power of taking the time to refresh myself. Then help me stop thinking about it and actually do it.

*****

Gifts from the Universe

by Madisyn Taylor

Our families help us see where we have come from so that we may more clearly decide where we’d like to go.


Families can contain a fascinating grouping of personalities. Despite the potential for so many to have similar traits, there are many different ways to express them. As people marry into families and have children, even more personalities enter the picture. There may be some people that we would not choose to be related to, but that’s what friends are for.

If we trust in a universe that has a higher purpose for everything, then we must believe that family members are in our lives for a good reason. These reasons may be easy to see and appreciate with some, but others may offer us a challenge. With those, we can look for something we can learn or perhaps teach. In the modern world where everyone seeks to be individuals, many move far away from their families in an attempt to escape them. But when we’ve successfully built a world around us that requires no one’s help, our families are the people who are still attached to us. We can still choose whether or not to honor the family ties, and how to treat each other, but the fact remains that we are energetically tied to our families.

Our families help us see where we have come from so that we may more clearly decide where we’d like to go. If we can learn to accept our families for who they are, then we go out into the world armed with the ability to deal with anyone. Some families are better than others at preparing us for the world. What we learn from our families, even if they are simply blank spots on our family trees, becomes the basis of our identities as individuals. Rather than denying our connections, we can choose to accept their presence in our lives. Acceptance does not mean we have to like them; we simply acknowledge that we are connected to them and honor that connection for like it or not, there is a reason. When we can embrace all that they bring into our experience, we may be grateful for all we have learned from them and have to learn, while we experience everything that comes with family fully and completely. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 17

Reflection For The Day

In a letter to a friend, AA co-founder Bill W. wrote, “I don’t think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge? In my view, we of this owrld are pupils in a great school of life. It is intended that we try to grow, and that we try to help our fellow travelers to grow in the kind of love that makes no demands…When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.” Can I accept both pain and happiness willingly?

Today I Pray

God, please help me remember that everything that happens to me has its worth, including the misery of addiction. May I believe that even my dependency was part of God’s Grand Scheme to bring me to Him.

Today I Will Remember

All that I am is all that has happened to me.

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One More Day
September 17

Fight one more round. When your feet are so tired you have to shuffle back to the center of the ring, fight one more round.
– James J. Corbett

One of the problems we most frequently hear about when a person is ill, whether it be mentally or physically, is exhaustion. We tell our doctors, our friends, anyone who will lend a willing ear, “I’m just so very tired.”

To live in the fullest sense of the word, we have to, first of all, take care of ourselves. If what we feel is physical exhaustion, then we must allow ourselves the needed rest. We don’t have to take on additional projects or commitments to prove ourselves. If, however, our tiredness has an emotional base, we may have to push ourselves — for just one more hour, for just one more day — trusting that the energy will come.

I will take care of myself this day. I am getting stronger, emotionally and spiritually.

************************************************** *******************

Food For Thought

God Is Here

The Power, which restores us to sanity, is not something remote and abstract, which we must search for by reading books and performing great feats. Our Higher Power is with us constantly and is involved in the minute details of every day. We do not have to wait and work to become acceptable to God. He accepts us now, just as we are.

What gets in the way of our awareness of God is self. If we are narrowly focused on the concerns of ego and self-will, we ignore the presence of a Higher Power. Then we become weak and confused in our aloneness.

To be aware of the presence of God in our lives every day, all we need is the willingness to be open to Him. We find that He is indeed “closer than breathing and nearer than hands and feet.” What we may have spent years searching for or denying turns out to be the ground of our existence and the Power that sustains us every minute.

Increase my awareness of You, I pray.

[bluidkiti]

September 18

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I will, I will accept myself
With hope and fear and wonder
And what I have joined together
Let no man put asunder.
--Dory Preven
There is a wonderful freedom in acceptance. When we accept ourselves, with all our imperfections, we can then begin to accept others just as they are. This is especially exciting when we apply this discovery to our own families. A family is like a bouquet of flowers arranged in a common vase. Each flower is different. One might be blue, one white, one a rose, one a chrysanthemum. But each adds to the beauty of the whole bouquet and enhances the vase that holds it.
It isn't important that we know why one flower is blue and one white. We don't have to understand how a rose becomes a rose to appreciate the arrangement. We just accept it for what it is. Acceptance of others does not mean agreement or approval. How boring if we only accepted those who reflected our own ideas and opinions! How dull to look upon a bouquet of exactly the same flowers.
Today, will I accept the differences between us as part of our beauty together?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life. --Paul Tillich
We are men who know the consequences of alcoholism, codependency, and addiction. We have walked dark valleys. We have felt meaningless and empty in our lives. Each of us has a story. The harder we worked to overcome those feelings by our individual efforts, the worse the feelings got. This program suggested we try something radically new --something we couldn't think up on our own.
Grace is the love and generosity of God, which comes through no effort of our own. Not until we felt defeated would we open ourselves to this gift of help from our Higher Power. Grace comes in many forms. It is in the hope we feel in the morning after a night of rest, and it's in the good feeling we get attending our meetings. Before this program, most of us were trying so hard to control our lives we couldn't notice any gifts that came from outside our efforts. These Twelve Steps train us for becoming receptive to the healing grace of God.
The grace of God surrounds me - even in difficult times. Returning to that message renews my strength.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
The future is made of the same stuff as the present. --Simone Weil
The moment is eternal. It is unending. When we move with the moment, we experience all that life can offer. Being fully awake to right now, guarantees rapture even when there's pain, because we know we are evolving, and we thrill with the knowledge. We are one with all that's going on around us. Our existence is purposeful and part of the whole of creation, and we can sense our purpose.
Nothing is--but now. And when we dwell on what was, or what may be, we are cut off from life--essentially dead. The only reality is the present, and it's only in the present that we are invited to make our special contribution to life; perhaps at this moment our special contribution is to reach out to another person, an act that will change two lives, ours and hers.
We must cling to the present, or we'll miss its invitation to grow, to help a friend perhaps, to be part of the only reality there is. The present holds all we need and all we'll ever need to fulfill our lives. It provides every opportunity for our happiness--the only happiness there is.
Abstinence offers me the gift of the present. I will cherish it, be grateful, and relish it.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Letting the Good Stuff Happen
Before recovery, my relationships were lousy. I didn't do very well on my job. I was enmeshed in my dysfunctional family. But at least I knew what to expect! --Anonymous
I want the second half of my life to be as good as the first half was miserable. Sometimes, I'm afraid it won't be. Sometimes, I'm frightened it might be.
The good stuff can scare us. Change, even good change, can be frightening. In some ways, good changes can be more frightening than the hard times.
The past, particularly before recovery, may have become comfortably familiar. We knew what to expect in our relationships. They were predictable. They were repeats of the same pattern - the same behaviors, the same pain, over and over again. They may not have been what we wanted, but we knew what was going to happen.
This is not so when we change patterns and begins recovering.
We may have been fairly good at predicting events in most areas of our life. Relationships would be painful. We'd be deprived.
Each year would be almost a repeat of the last. Sometimes it got a little worse, sometimes a little better, but the change wasn't drastic. Not until the moment when we began recovery.
Then things changed. And the further we progress in this miraculous program, the more we and or circumstances change. We begin to explore uncharted territory.
Things get good. They do get better all the time. We begin to become successful in love, in work, in life. One day at a time, the good stuff begins to happen and the misery dissipates.
We no longer want to be a victim of life. We've learned to avoid unnecessary crisis and trauma.
Life gets good.
"How do I handle the good stuff?" asked one woman. It's harder and more foreign than the pain and tragedy."
"The same way we handled the difficult and the painful experiences," I replied. "One day at a time."
Today, God, help me let go of my need to be in pain and crisis. Help me move as swiftly as possible through sad feelings and problems. Help me find my base and balance in peace, joy, and gratitude. Help me work as hard at accepting what's good, as I have worked in the past at accepting the painful and the difficult.


If something isn't working for me today, I am willing to let go of the struggle. I trust that God has something better in store for me. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Open Up to New Energy

As you change, what works for you may change.

The purpose of the journey is to open up. But with it comes the responsibility of watching how we feel, how our bodies feel in certain circumstances. With it comes the responsibility of knowing that certain things that used to work for us, certain things we used to be able to handle, may not work as well any longer.

As we change, we will want and need the energy around us to change,too. We’ll want it to feel better, energize us, be good for us. At first we may say, This never bothered me before. I don’t know why I’m so sensitive now. Then we may wait for our bodies and lives to return to normal, to return to how they used to be.

You are becoming more sensitive, more open than you’ve ever been. When you were closed, you didn’t feel as much, didn’t respond as much. Sometimes you weren’t aware of what you were feeling or how your body reacted. Now that you are more open, your body, mind, spirit, and soul will be far more effected by what you take in– whether it is food, drink, or the energy of a person or situation. You will feel more intensely. You may want different foods, different people, different places, different clothing, different activities. As your energy changes, you will likely want different energy around you.

Listen to your body and emotions when they tell you something no longer works for you. Let the old fall away. Listen to your inner guidance as your heart leads you to someplace new.

*****

more language of letting go
Rise to the occasion

"You should have seen me when I was younger. I was something else then."

"Just wait until I'm older and bigger. Then I'll show you what I can do."

If all we do is remember the strength of our past, then we're denying ourselves the wisdom and abilities we carry with us in the present. And we deny the lessons that age teaches us about slowing down, being still, and letting things be the way they are. If we're waiting for the future to be happy, we're robbing ourselves of the vitality and joy in our lives right now.

Stop reminiscing about the past and anticipating the joys of the future-- that time when you become all powerful, bigger, and better than you are now.

You're as good as you need to be today. Let yourself be who you are, then enjoy being exactly that.

Rise to the occasion of today.

God, help me be the best me that I can be.

*****

A Dynamic Choice-Maker
Accepting Yourself

by Madisyn Taylor

Sometimes we choose or do something that takes us in the opposite direction of the reality we want to create.


There is no such thing as a good person or a bad person. There are choices and actions that lead us in different directions, and it is through those choices and actions that we create our realities. Sometimes we choose or do something that takes us in the opposite direction of the reality we want to create for ourselves. When we do this, we feel bad—uneasy, unhappy, unsure. We might go so far as to label ourselves “bad” when a situation like this arises. Instead of labeling ourselves, though, we could simply acknowledge that we made a choice that lead us down a particular path, and then let it go, forgiving ourselves and preparing for our next opportunity to choose, and act, in ways that support our best intentions.

Many of us experienced childhoods in which the words good and bad were used as weapons to control us—you were good if you did what you were told and bad if you didn’t. This kind of discipline undermines a person’s ability to find their own moral center and to trust and be guided by their own inner self. If you were raised this way, you may find yourself feeling shockwaves of badness when you do something you were taught was wrong, even if now you don’t agree that it’s bad. Conversely, you may feel good when you do what you learned was right. Notice how this puts you in something of a straitjacket. An important part of our spiritual unfolding requires that we grow beyond what we learned and take responsibility for our own liberation in our own terms.

You are a human being with every right to be here, learning and exploring. To label yourself good or bad is to think too small. What you are is a decision-maker and every moment provides you the opportunity to move in the direction of your higher self or in the direction of stagnation or degradation. In the end, only you know the difference. If you find yourself going into self-judgment, try to stop yourself as soon as you can and come back to center. Know that you are not good or bad, you are simply you. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 18

Reflection For The Day

In every story we hear from others in The Program, pain has been the price of admission into a new life. But our admission price purchased far more than we expected. It led us to a degree of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. And, in time, we began to fear pain less — and desire humility more than ever. Am I learning to “sit loosely in the saddle” — making the most of what comes and the least of what goes?

Today I Pray

If God’s plan for us is spiritual growth, a closer alliance with His principles of what is good and what is true, then may I believe that all my experiences have added up to a new and improved me. May I not fear the lessons of pain. May I know, that I must continue to grow through pain, as well as joy.

Today I Will Remember

I hurt; therefore, I am.

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One More Day
September 18

Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so that the world [will] be at least a little bit different for our having passed through.
– Harold Kushner

Even when we are no longer well, many of us continue to hunger for learning. We reach out to connect with other people and with book learning.

We continue to search on a deeper level as well. Not surprisingly, spirituality often takes a back seat, for a while, to the rigors of getting used to a changed medical condition. Ultimately, our souls cry out for growth as our minds do, and we turn to our Higher Power for comfort and understanding.

My diminished health does not affect my drive for meaning and for learning. I want and need to learn.

************************************************** *******************

Food For Thought

Bad Days

There are some days when we wake up in the morning knowing with a sixth sense that the day is going to be a hard one. These are the days when it is difficult to get out of bed, when we would prefer not to face whatever awaits us. There is no way around these days; we must get through them the best way we can.

Our most useful tool for coping with a bad day is abstinence. Nothing is impossible when we are abstaining from compulsive overeating. Often our problem lies not in the external events of the day but in recognizing a part of ourselves that has been hidden and repressed. We resist facing honestly what our Higher Power is revealing to us about our inner life.

When we are determined not to escape into food, we will come out of a bad day stronger than we were before. We reinforce our new way of living, which is to turn difficult situations over to our Higher Power and then act as He guides us, step by step.

May I be closer to You during the bad days.

[bluidkiti]

September 19

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. --Oliver Wendell Holmes
Sometimes, in our families, we try to get parents or brothers or sisters to treat us the way we want them to, to do things we want them to. When they're upset or angry with us, we try to get them to stop, rather than allow them to be angry.
But our feelings are ours alone, and we are responsible only for how we feel. Those around us are not the cause of our feelings. We are.
This knowledge is a big responsibility, because we know we cannot blame others for our bad moods. But it is a fact. And this fact is also a wonderful freedom for us, for it means that we also have the power to make ourselves happy, no matter what goes on around us.
How can I make myself happy today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Who's not sat tense before his own heart's curtain? --Rainer Maria Rilke
Meeting our Higher Power and ourselves is the universal spiritual process. Sitting before the curtain of our hearts may feel as awesome to us or as frightening as anything we will ever do. When we first admit to ourselves a deeper truth, we feel these overpowering tensions. For some of us, this is a necessary step, which leads to self-knowledge and inner peace. We feel unique, different, alone, and maybe even crazy. For the first time, we are listening to our inner truth rather than outside messages.
Let's think for a moment about today's tensions and strains. Are we really aware of their source? Perhaps they are created by the disturbing honesty of our hearts? We may find our spiritual growth in yielding to the truth. When we are cynical about spiritual experience or when we minimize the importance of our soft-spoken inner wisdom, we are avoiding the truth from our hearts. And we miss the possibility of becoming strong from within.
Today, I will live through the tension and fear of my honesty to reach the point of peace with myself.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
...concern should drive us into action and not into depression. --Karen Horney
The role of victim is all too familiar to many of us. Life did us injustices--we thought. And we passively waited for circumstances to change. With the bottle we waited, or maybe the little white pills. Nothing was our fault. That we were willing participants to victimization is an awareness not easily accepted, but true nonetheless.
Victims no more, we are actors, now. And since committing ourselves to this program, we have readily available a willing and very able director for our role in life. Every event invites an action, and we have opted for the responsible life.
Depression may be on the fringes of our consciousness today. But it need not become our state of mind. The antidote is and always will be action, responsible action. Every concern, every experience wants our attention, our active attention.
Today stretches before me, an unknown quantity. Concerns will crowd upon me, but guidance regarding the best action to take is always available to me.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Apologies
Sometimes, we act in a manner with which we are less than comfortable. That's human. That's why we have the words: "I'm sorry." They heal and bridge the gap. But we don't have to say, "I'm sorry" if we didn't do anything wrong. A sense of shame can keep us apologizing for everything we do, every word we say, for being alive and being who we are.
We don't have to apologize for taking care of ourselves, dealing with feelings, seeking boundaries, having fun, or getting healthy.
We never have to change our course, if it is in our best interest, but sometimes a general apology acknowledges other feelings and can be useful when the issues of a circumstance or relationship are not clear. We might say: "I'm sorry for the fuss we had. I'm sorry if what I needed to do to take care of myself hurt you; it was not intended that way."
Once we make an apology, we don't have to keep repeating it. If someone wants to keep on extricating an apology from us for the same incident, that is the person's issue, and we don't have to get hooked.
We can learn to take our apologies seriously and not hand them out when they're not valid. When we feel good about ourselves, we know when it's time to say we're sorry and when it's not.
Today, I will try to be clear and healthy in my apologies, taking responsibility for my actions and nobody else's. God, help me figure out what I need to apologize for and what is not my responsibility.


I grow and learn from everything that happens. Today I am keeping my eyes open and my head clear so that I don't have to make the same mistake twice. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
September 19, 2012
Weather the Storm

Storms come. The lightning flashes. Thunder rolls. Sometimes the hail pounds so loudly and incessantly it becomes frightening. Sometimes storms do damage. But storms are not forever.

Just as nature plays out her storms, sometimes with violence, sometimes with gray days, sometimes with a gentle cleansing rain, we have storms in our lives, storms in our souls. Storms are part of life, part of growth, part of the journey.

Light a candle. Wrap up in warmth. Make yourself safe and secure. Then wait for the storm to pass, knowing it will.

Let peace return. Let security return. Let joy and meaning come back, the certain faith that you have purpose and your life is on track.

*****

more language of letting go
What do you expect?

The key to life and power is simple. It's knowing who we are. It's knowing what we think, what we feel, what we believe, what we know, and even what we sense. It's understanding where we've been, where we are, and where we want to go. That's often different from who we think we should be, from whom others want us to be, tell us to be, and sometimes even tell us we are.
--Melody Beattie, Stop Being Mean To Yourself

It's get to get hooked into other people's expectations of us. Sometimes, it's even easier to get hooked into what we think they expect of us.

One of the biggest traps is locking ourselves into a preconceived notion of ourselves. We can keep ourselves so busy living up to an image of ourselves that we forget who we really are. It's tough enough to break free of the expectations, spoken and unspoken, that others put on us. It's more insidious when we start telling ourselves to be what we think other people are expecting us to be-- whether they are or not.

Look in the mirror. If you see a person who has been confined with a limiting image that doesn't fit or feel right anymore, set yourself free.


God, help me let go of ego. Help me stop living up to self-imposed caricatures of who I think I'm supposed to be.

Activity: This week, do two things you want to do that you think other people wouldn't normally expect of you. Don't do anything that hurts yourself or maliciously causes pain to another. You might surprise yourself with how easy and fun it is to be you.

*****

Recognizing Our Own Abundance
Planting The Seeds Of Generosity

The most difficult time to be generous is when we ourselves are feeling poor. While some of us have experienced actually being in the red financially, there are those of us who would feel broke even if we had a million dollars in the bank. Either way, as the old adage goes, it is always in giving that we receive. Meaning that when we are living in a state of lack, the very gesture we may least want to give is the very act that could help us create the abundance that we seek. One way to practice generosity is to give energy where it is needed. Giving money to a cause or person in need is one way to give energy. Giving attention, love, or a smile to another person are other acts of giving that we can offer. After all, there are people all over the world that are hungry for love.

Sometimes when we practice generosity, we practice it conditionally. We might be expecting to “receive back” from the person to whom we gave. We might even become angry or resentful if that person doesn’t reciprocate. However, trust in the natural flow of energy, and you will find yourself practicing generosity with no strings attached. This is the purest form of giving. Remember that what you send out will always come back you. Selflessly help a friend in need without expecting them to return the same favor in the same way, and know that you, too, will receive that support from the universe when you need it. Besides, while giving conditionally creates stress (because we are waiting with an invisible balance sheet to receive our due), giving unconditionally creates and generates abundance. We give freely, because we trust that there is always an unlimited supply.

Being aware of how much we are always supported by the universe is one of the keys to abundance and generosity. Consciously remember the times you’ve received support from expected and unexpected sources. Remember anyone who has helped you when you’ve needed it most, and bless all situations that come into your life for the lessons and gifts they bring you. Remember that all things given and received emanate from generosity. Giving is an act of gratitude. Plant the seeds of generosity through your acts of giving, and you will grow the fruits of abundance for yourself and those around you.

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A Day At A Time
September 19

Reflection For The Day

It’s still not exactly a “piece of cake” for me to accept today’s occasional pain and anxiety with any great degree of serenity, but I’m increasingly able to be thankful for a certain amount of pain. In The Program, we find the willingness to do this by going over the lessons learned from past sufferings — lessons which have led to the blessings we now enjoy. We can remember how the agonies of addiction — and the pain of rebellion and bruised pride — have often led us to God’s grace, and thus to new freedom. Have I thanked my Higher Power for the miracle of my life this day?

Today I Pray

When I was helpless, I asked God for help. When I was hopeless, I reached out for hope. When I was powerless over my addiction, I asked to share His power. Now I can honestly thank God that I was helpless, hopeless, and powerless, because I have seen a miracle.

Today I Will Remember

From powerless highs to a Higher Power.

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One More Day
September 19

Of a truth, men are mystically united; a mystic bond of brotherhood makes all men one.
Thomas Carlyle

At our parent’s knee we listened, enraptured, as we heard tales of how life used to be. We could hardly believe that they had lived soooo long. As we moved into our teens, perhaps our parents became pathetically inept in our eyes, not to regain their intelligence until we were older.

Now we see that our folks were able to learn from their mistakes and move forward — just as we move forward now. We have learned “what goes around comes around,” and history repeats itself. Our parents imparted their greatest knowledge to us, and lovingly shared with us their mistakes so we could benefit.

I will listen with respect to the ones I love. I learn from them.

************************************************** ******************

Food For Thought

Know Yourself

The OA program fosters self-knowledge on a practical, physical level as well as on the more abstract emotional and intellectual levels. We come to know what foods we can handle comfortably, how we can arrange our day so that we do not get exhausted, and which people we need to avoid if we are to maintain our serenity.

We had so little self-confidence when we were overeating that we were inclined to accept other people’s ideas of who we were and what we should do. By trying to be and do what others expected, we may have lost sight of our inner selves. The emptiness caused by not knowing and respecting ourselves led in turn to more overeating as we tried to fill the inner void with food.

Self-knowledge requires courage and honesty. It involves admitting our weaknesses and mistakes, rather than pretending to be perfect. As we come to know ourselves – our preferences, needs, and goals – we gain strength and integrity. The Power greater than ourselves gives us the insight to know who we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Thank You for self-knowledge.

[bluidkiti]

September 20

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Education should be the process of helping everyone to discover his uniqueness. --Leo Buscaglia
We are each special, which means there is not another person just like ourselves. Nobody looks just like us. Nobody's voice sounds quite like our own. And nobody thinks through a story just like we do.
Each of us has been created for a special purpose. Maybe it's for what we'll teach a friend, or the way we'll help a sister or a brother. Every day will give us chances to offer our special talents to others. Our being alive is God's way of proving that we're important to the family, the neighborhood, and the world.
What important task lies before me today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Sexuality expresses God's intention that people find authentic humanness not in isolation but in relationship. --James B. Nelson
We men have regarded our sex lives and our spiritual lives as two different worlds. This attitude has caused many crises -- anger and frustration with our partners, power struggles, accusations and hurt feelings, shame and guilt about our own behavior.
We can join our spirituality with our sexual selves by taking responsibility for being sexual. Being responsible means we take the risk of being vulnerable, of giving and receiving affection and sexual expression in our relationships. We cannot expect satisfaction of our desires simply because we feel them. In sexuality, as in all parts of our lives, our Higher Power is our guide. We can also say no to sexual expression if we wish.
God guide my sexual awareness today. Open me to experience sexuality as a creative gift for relationships.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
What difference does it make how I am treated by life? My real life is within. --Angela L. Wozniak
It is said that we teach people how to treat us. How we treat others invites similar treatment. Our response to the external conditions of our lives can be greatly altered by our perceptions of those conditions. And we have control of that perception. No experience has to demoralize us. Each situation can be appreciated for its long-term contribution to our growth as happy, secure women.
No outside circumstances will offer us full time and forever the security we all long for. And in like manner, none will adversely interfere with our well being, except briefly and on occasion.
The program offers us the awareness that our security, happiness, and well being reside within. The uplifting moments of our lives may enhance our security, but they can't guarantee that it will last. Only the relationship we have with ourselves and God within can promise the gift of security.
The ripples in my day are reminders to me to go within.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Spontaneity
In recovery, we're learning to let ourselves go! We're learning to be spontaneous.
Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good; be right; be perfect; be strong; don't have fun; and always be in control.
We may associate spontaneity with acting out in an addictive, compulsive, self destructive, or irresponsible manner.
That's not what we're talking about in recovery. Positive spontaneity involves freely expressing who we are - in a way that is fun, healthy, doesn't hurt us, and doesn't infringe on the right of others.
We learn to be spontaneous and free as we grow in self-awareness and self esteem. Spontaneity emerges as our confidence and trust in ourselves increase, and we become more secure in our ability to maintain healthy boundaries.
Being spontaneous is connected to our ability to play and achieve intimacy. For all those desirable acts, we need to be able to let go of our need to control others and ourselves and fully and freely enter into the present moment.
Let go of your tight rein on yourself. So what if you make a mistake? So what if you're wrong? Relish your imperfections. Let yourself be a little needy, a little vulnerable. Take a risk!
We can be spontaneous without hurting ourselves, or others. In fact, everyone will benefit by our spontaneity.
Today, I will throw out the rulebook and enjoy being who I am. I will have some fun with the gift of life, others, and myself.


I am very grateful for this day. I am grateful for all the love and inspiration that I receive from my Higher Power wherever I ask. I just stop and tune in to this universal energy and am transformed to the level of my willingness. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Discover What Interests You

There are many magical things to learn in our world and many people happy to teach us how to do them.

Are there things or activities you’ve been interested in, but you’ve talked yourself out of? Is there something new you’d like to learn how to do or at least explore? What sounds like fun to you?

What interests you? You have a right to be creative. You deserve to learn and grow. Find activities that stimulate you, teach you, help you learn more about yourself and life. Do the things your heart leads you to do.

How easy it is to talk ourselves out of trying something new. Let yourself enjoy life. Let yourself do the things you want to do.

Begin a journey of discovery. Find out what interests you. Listen to yourself for a few days, for a few weeks. Discover what stimulates your creative juices. Then follow that idea through.

*****

more language of letting go
Experience your life

As soon as you say, "I want to change"-- make a program-- a counter force is created that prevents you from change. Changes are taking place by themselves. If you go deeper into what you are, if you accept what is there, then a change automatically occurs by itself. This is the paradox of change.
--Frederick S. Perls

Dr. Frederick S. Perls, founder of Gestalt therapy, profoundly influenced my life. When I worked in therapeutic communities, to "Gestalt" a feeling meant to go fully into that feeling, to become one with the feeling, to totally and completely accept the feeling and the experience as a means of transcending, healing, or dealing with it.

How do we change? Don't force yourself. Let yourself change. Let yourself be. Go as fully into the experience of your life, your feelings, and being you that you can.

When you come out, you'll be different.

Accept who you are then,too.

Don't intellectualize your life. Experience it.

God, help me accept who and where I am, and how I feel today. Then tomorrow, help me do the same.

*****

An Exercise in Self
Seeking Advice from Yourself

by Madisyn Taylor

A helpful exercise is to set up an advisory panel of your past, present, and future selves.


Since we probably know ourselves better than anyone else does, then we may very well be the best person to ask for advice when we are in a quandary. One interesting exercise is to try asking for advice from your past and future selves. There is the younger self that you used to be and the older, more mature self that you will become. You can gain a different perspective when you view present situations through your younger self’s eyes or your mature self’s more experienced point of view. Perhaps, your younger self would view a current dilemma in a more innocent, less cynical way. Likewise, your older, hopefully wiser, self may offer advice from a more compassionate, experienced perspective.

Think back to how you viewed the world when you were younger. What were your thoughts on happiness, love, and injustice? Think about how you would have reacted to a dilemma you are currently facing. The perspective may shed a different light on relationships, money matters, or life decisions. Likewise, think about the person you will become. A more mature version of you might mull a problem or conflict over carefully before taking action right away… or perhaps not. Maybe your older self would be more willing to take risks, care less about what other people think, and want to enjoy life more.

You can even set up an advisory panel of your past, present, and future selves. You might even want to try to have a written dialogue with your selves to record the thoughts, feelings, and advice that your younger and older selves might have for your present self regarding a current situation. Your different selves can give you some invaluable answers. After all, no one can know you better than your selves. You are your wisest guide. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 20

Reflection For The Day

“When a man has reached a condition in which he believed that a thing must happen when he does not wish it, and that which he wishes to happen can never be, this is really the state called desperation.” Schopenhauer.

The very real pain of emotional difficulties is sometimes very hard to take while we’re trying to maintain sobriety. Yet we learn, in time, that overcoming such problems is the real test of The Program’s way of living. Do I believe that adversity gives me more opportunity to grow than does comfort or success?

Today I Pray

May I believe firmly that God, in His infinite wisdom, does not send me those occasional moments of emotional stress in order to tease my sobriety, but to challenge me to grow in my control and my conviction. May I learn not to be afraid of emotional summits and canyons for The Program has outfitted me for all kinds of terrain.

Today I Will Remember

Strength through adversity.

******************************

One More Day
September 20

The natural wish of every human being, the weakest as well as the wisest, seems to be, to leave some memorial of themselves to posterity.
– Susan Edmonstone Ferrier

Each of us wants to leave evidence of our having lived. To perpetuate our names, we may work and play hard all our lives, or we may attempt to fine-tune sports skills or handcrafts.

We become gradually aware that material records of our lives will merely note our names and dates; they will not record who we are and what we value. The essence of each of us is found in each day, each moment. It is in living each day fully that we proclaim our worth and reflect it to our loved ones. What really matters, we realize, is how we spend our present, not how we try to manipulate the future. Living richly today is our memorial.

I will use today as a complete gift unto itself, not as a small brick for a future monument.

************************************************** ***************

Food For Thought

A New Self-Image

As we lose weight, our self-image needs to change along with our body. We may have had a mental image of our self as a thin person, but this image probably did not go beyond the physical. If we continue to think of our self as the same confused, compulsive, childish person we once were, we are not facilitating our emotional and spiritual growth.

The OA program gives us the power to become a new person. If we see ourselves as daily growing saner, more serene, more confident, reality will reflect our inner vision.

Perhaps the most important change in our self-image involves our relationship to our Higher Power. Before, we probably saw ourselves as the center of our world and devoted our energies to protecting and building up our fragile ego. We were all alone in an unfriendly world. Now, we see ourselves as God’s creation, subject to His purpose and plan. As we yield to His authority and accept His love, we find strength, security, and peace. By losing ourselves, we find ourselves.

Create in me a new self-image.

[bluidkiti]

September 21

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Silently one by one
in the infinite meadows of heaven
Blossomed the lovely stars,
the forget-me-nots of angels.
--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Tales told about the stars reflect a lot about the people who tell them. The constellation now called Orion was once called Hippolyta. Hippolyta was one of the Amazon queens. The Amazons were women warriors who had four leaders instead of one: two older women and two younger women. Everyone could benefit from the experience and wisdom of the older and the strength and vigor of the younger.
After Hippolyta died, they named this constellation for her to honor her and remind themselves of her wisdom and bravery.
We can draw a good lesson from the value the Amazons placed on the contribution each one could make, no matter how young or old. When we remain alert to the possibility of learning from people we hadn't seriously considered as teachers, we are reminded of our often forgotten value to others.
What can I offer in wisdom or strength to others today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
He underwent a nine and a half hour operation. On the eighth day his wife picked him up from the hospital and said, "You want to go home?" to which he replied, "No, I want to go to the office." --Herb Goldberg
What is it that drives us men to such extremes in our work? Are we afraid of the intimacy we could develop with those who love us and whom we love? Are we driven to prove over and over that some old painful self-doubt is untrue? Is this how we feel masculine? Or are we trying to control our addictive problems by constant work? Perhaps we still have more to learn about surrender and powerlessness.
It is especially common to recovering men that the excesses of work unconsciously replace the excesses of addiction and codependency. This too is an unhealthy escape. We must confront our relationship to work if we are to continue on our path of spiritual awakening. It is good to have some unplanned, unstructured time in each day.
Today, help me remember that being good at my work is only one of my qualities.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Praise and an attitude of gratitude are unbeatable stimulators . . . we increase whatever we extol. --Sylvia Stitt Edwards
What outlook are we carrying forth into the day ahead? Are we feeling fearful about the circumstances confronting us? Do we dread a planned meeting? Are we worried about the welfare of a friend or lover? Whatever our present outlook, its power over the outcome of our day is profound. Our attitude in regard to any situation attracting our attention influences the outcome. Sometimes to our favor, often to our disfavor if our attitude is negative.
Thankfulness toward life guarantees the rewards we desire, the rewards we seek too often from an ungrateful stance. The feeling of gratitude is foreign to many of us. We came to this program feeling worthless, sometimes rejected, frequently depressed. It seemed life had heaped problems in our laps, and so it had. The more we lamented what life "gave us," the more reasons we were given to lament. We got just what we expected. We still get just what we expect. The difference is that the program has offered us the key to higher expectations. Gratitude for the good in our lives increases the good.
I have the personal power to influence my day; I will make it a good one.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Letting Go of Urgency
One thing at a time.
That's all we have to do. Not two things at once, but one thing done in peace.
One task at a time. One feeling at a time. One day at a time. One problem at a time. One step at a time.
One pleasure at a time.
Relax. Let go of urgency. Begin calmly now. Take one thing at a time.
See how everything works out?
Today, I will peacefully approach one thing at a time. When in doubt, I will take first things first.


Today I am taking whatever comes in my stride. Today I know I can handle any change, any surprise, anything as long as I remember that my Higher Power is with me and I am never alone. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Appreciate Your Sensuality

Learn to appreciate and enjoy your sensuality.

Caress the petals of a gentle magnolia blossom. Inhale its scent. Touch the stem of a rose and carefully feel its thorns. Put our finger on a cactus. Sit down and feel the grass. Touch a tree, put your hand on the craggy rough bark and hold it there for a while. Cradle a rock in your hands, hold it close until you feel its temperature, its texture. Then place the rock next to your cheek and see what it feels like there. Feel the difference between a cotton sheet and a soft woolen blanket. Feel how water feels on your skin, or how the warm night air caresses your face. Touch a baby’s foot.

Learn to appreciate your sensuality. It will open you up to the energy of the world around you. It will open you to the life, passion, creativity, and textures within yourself.

*****

more language of letting go
Revere your connections

Things derive their being and nature from mutual dependence and are nothing by themselves.
--Nagarjuna

We are dependent on much around us, not just for our survival, but for our joy. We need food, water, and the company of our fellow travelers on this great journey.

We can be self-sufficient in our attitude to take care of ourselves, yet we need the world around us in order to live and to be fully alive.

We are one part of a whole. We are a complete part, but nonetheless, a part. We need the other parts. The other parts need us.

Just as we're influenced and impacted by those who touch us, we influence and impact them with our thoughts, words, and behaviors. We cannot control others. Look at the difference in our relationships when we speak gently and lovingly, and when we scream.

While it is great to revel in the blessing of existence, the world becomes more interesting and alive when we recognize everyone and everything else in it,too. This body cannot be without the sustenance of food, and our soul's experience here would be greatly reduced were it not for the company of other spirits we have met.

While we do not need to live up to anyone's expectations of us, we need to remember that our actions will impact those around us. Yes, we have the liberty to think, feel, and behave however we choose. But what we do will touch the lives of others.

We are not responsible for other people. But we have responsibilities to them.

Revel in your freedom. But revere and honor your connection to the world around you. Take responsibility for how you touch and connect with everything and everyone in your life today.

Live reverently, compassionately, and respectfully toward yourself and all else in the world.

God, give me reverence and respect for all life.

*****

Opening the Channels of Communication
Dealing with Difficult People

by Madisyn Taylor

When dealing with a difficult person, try not to be judgmental or defensive in your conversation with them.


We encounter a wide variety of people throughout our lives. Many of them touch us in some positive way. Occasionally, however, we encounter those individuals who, for whatever reason, can be difficult to deal with. Perhaps this person is a colleague or close friend that you feel is deliberately being obtuse, inviting in trouble, or doing foolish things that you find annoying. Sometimes, it may be possible to appease or avoid those people short term. Dealing with them in the long term, however, can be exhausting. The behavior of difficult people can even make you feel like losing your temper, but keep your cool. Staying calm is the first step, especially when you are ready to confront them.

Avoiding a difficult person can improve impossible and not in your best interest, especially if you live or work together. Likewise, attempts to steer clear of them can become a source of stress and anxiety when they are a part of your social circle. When this is the case, it is best to kindly address the problem. Try not to let their actions or mood affect you. You also may want to try expressing your feelings directly. Tell to the person how their actions make you feel and encourage them toward a more positive course of action. Speak assertively, but respectfully, and don’t portray yourself as a victim. Another approach for dealing with a difficult individual is to gain a deeper understanding of who that person is. Ask them why they do or say certain things. If you disagree with their motives, question them further so you can try and discover the root of their behaviors. In doing so, you may be able to gently shift their perceptions, or at least help them understand your ! point of view.

You may want to think about what you want to say to a difficult person before you actually talk to them. If you can, avoid being judgmental or defensive, and try to approach the conversation objectively. If the person is open to the idea, try coming to an agreement. If approaching them fails, let it go and move on. There is no reason to let a difficult person or situation have power over your state of being. Remember that a lot can be accomplished when you take the time to listen and offer up alternative perspectives. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 21

Reflection For The Day

I’ve heard it said that when God closes a door, He opens a window. Since I started working the Twelve Steps, much of the fear and pain that haunted my life is gone. Some of my defects have been lifted from me, though I’m still wrestling with others. I believe that if I continue to work the Twelve Steps over and over again, my life will continue to improve — physically, mentally, and spiritually. Am I more willing and better able to help others by working the Steps myself?

Today I Pray

I give thanks to God for showing me that the Twelve Steps are a stairway to a saner life. As I re-work them conscientiously, my life does get better, healthier and nearer to my Higher Power. As I continue to live them, may I feel the same gratitude and exaltation of spirit as those who are just now discovering them.

Today I Will Remember

Step by Step, day by day.

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One More Day
September 21

….Summer coming to an end. So we all try to keep it awake and stretch it out by squeezing in all the boating, picnicking, swimming. Sun, I crave all year.
– Sister Mary Kraemer

As the days begin to shorten and become cooler, we may suddenly be struck by the realization that the summer is over. With that thought might come the need to fill the last warm days with many activities we postponed or, perhaps, forgot. At times like these, we may sense the need to hang on a little longer to the summer.

We do the same thing in other areas of our lives. At the moment we realize we are about to lose something very precious, that is when we value it most. Just before a dear friend moves away, we try to fill our days with togetherness. Knowing this can help us use our time more wisely and remind us to see the value in everyone and everything around us.

I will let others know I value them, and why.

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Food For Thought

Trusting Gut Reactions

Since we could not trust ourselves where food was concerned, we had trouble trusting ourselves in all aspects of life. We became divided internally and unsure of what we thought or how we felt or how we should act. We may have depended on other people to tell us what we liked, what to do, and how to do it.

It is with a great sense of joy that we become aware of our own individuality and preferences. If we experience a negative gut reaction to a certain person or activity, then we need to examine our reasons for continuing the relationship or activity. We do not have to like everyone, nor do we have to do everything. The sooner we become selective, the more we develop as individuals and the more integrity we possess. If we continually force ourselves to do things, which violate our inner integrity, then we are frustrated and growth is slow.

Gut reactions need to be examined calmly and intelligently. They are there to tell us something about ourselves.

Give me a healthy respect for my gut reactions.

[bluidkiti]

September 22

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Kindness and intelligence don't always deliver us from the pitfalls and traps. --Barbara Grizzuti Harrison
Being human means we'll have hard times along with pleasant ones. Whether with friends, at school, or at home, we'll find reasons for sadness or anger as easily as for laughter. In every part of our lives, we're offered just what we need for growth.
Being the best we know how to be doesn't mean we'll escape confusion or pain. Through the troubling times we learn to trust in a Higher Power; we learn patience; we learn to let go and let God decide outcomes. The troubling times offer us growth and serenity, our keys to happiness.
What hidden gifts will I find in today's troubles?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Time never challenged the Indian or worked against him. Time was for silently marking the passing of the seasons. It was a thing to be enjoyed. --Tim Giago
We have a choice as to how we view the passage of time. We can look at it as a gift to be enjoyed, marking the transitions and cycles of life. Or we can think of time as a long, thin string of pressures and frustrations - specific minutes and hours that we try to speed up or slow down. Our relationship to time is a very important part of our recovery.
We are learning to live in the present, one day at a time. We are letting go of the past. The future we place in trust to our Higher Power. Time doesn't work against us or challenge us, it just flows. This day need not be painless or close to paradise for us to live in the present moment. Being aware of our lives without struggling against time makes the day rich and full of meaning.
Today, rather than wrestling with time, I will be aware of my experiences and let time flow.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Anger conquers when unresolved. --Anonymous
Emotions need recognition. But not only attention; they also need acceptance as powerful dimensions of who we are. Their influence over who we are capable of becoming is mighty.
Respectful attention and willing acceptance of our emotions, whether fear or anger or hateful jealousy, takes away their sting. We can prevent them from growing larger than they are. Like a child who screams and misbehaves more and more fiercely until attention is won, our emotions grow larger and more intense the longer we deny their existence.
Our emotions bless us, in reality. They enrich our experiences. They serve as guideposts on the road we're traveling. How we "feel" at any single moment flags the level of our security, how close we are to our higher power, the level of our commitment to the program. They serve us well when acknowledged. On the other hand, when ignored or denied, they can immobilize us, even defeat us.
My feelings frequent my being, always. They steer my behavior. They reflect my attitudes. They hint at my closeness to God.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Trusting Ourselves
Many of us believed that heeding the words of God or our Higher Power meant following rigid rules, an instruction booklet for life.
Many of us now believe differently. The rigid rules, the endless instructions, the exhortation to perfection, are not the words our Higher Power whispers.
The words of God are often those still, small words we call intuition or instinct, leading and guiding us forward.
We are free to be whom we are, to listen to and trust ourselves. We are free to listen to the gentle, loving words of a Higher Power, words whispered to and through each of us.
Today, help me, God; to let go of shame based rigid rules. I will choose the freedom of loving, listening, and trusting.


Today I will find someone who needs my love. Today I will share my strength, hope and experience so that someone else can be reborn. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey to the Heart
Embrace Change

You don't have to fear change. What you need to fear, a friend once told me, is things remaining the same. When that happens, life has stopped.

Life is an evolution. Your life is constantly, quietly evolving each moment into something new, something different, something that adds gracefully, beautifully, and perfectly to what was. You can trust that process with all its insights, clarity, confusion, and emotions. You can trust that process with its peace, joy, laughter, and its side trips.

Learn to honor and love the process of continual evolution and transformation. It's how things grow. It's how you grow. It's how life is.

Learn to embrace change.

*****

more language of letting go
Be uniquely you

We will discover the nature of our particular genius when we stop trying to conform to our own or to other peoples' models, learn to be ourselves, and allow our natural channels to open.
--Shakti Gawain

We have much in common with each other. And recovery, growth, and change are strengthened by honoring these similarities. But each of us is unique. We each have our own strengths, weaknesses, gifts, vulnerabilities-- our own personalities.

The purpose of spiritual growth is not to eliminate the personality. It is to refine and enhance it, and allow each of us to express ourselves creatively.

We are not meant to be just like anyone else. Comparison will leave us uncomfortable, either on the side of pride or of inadequacy.

You are you. The wonder of life comes in finding your own rhythm to the dance, your own way of seeing the world, your own brush stroke, phrase, or special combination.

There is an old story about a writer who goes to his teacher and says, "Teacher, all the stories have already been told. There is no need for me to write. Everything that needs to be said has already been written."

"It's true that there are no new stories," the teacher said. "The universal lessons have been taking place for a long, long time. And the same themes have influenced humanity since time began. But no one sees that story through your eyes. And no one else in the world will tell that story exactly the way you will. Now return to your desk, pick up your pen, and tell the world what you see."

The beauty of the world lies both in our differences and in our similarities. Allow the beauty that is channeled through you to be flavored with your own special perspective on the world.

There's a difference between ego and personality. Drop the ego. Let your personality, in all its glories and foibles and eccentricities, come shining through.

Respect how much you have in common with other people.

Then be uniquely you.

God, thank you for making me unique.

*****

Cultivating Safety
From the Overcoming Fear On-line Course

by Debbie Ford

The following is an excerpt from the "Overcoming Fear" on-line course. If you would like to take the entire course, click here.

We can control the quality of our lives if we are willing to face our fears rather than burying, suppressing or avoiding them. Confronting our deepest fears, our terror, is a way out of the agony of our ongoing stories and into the glorious world of empowerment. Almost all of us were terrorized in some way when we were young. For you, maybe it was when you were bullied in school or when one of your siblings locked you in the closet. Something happened to activate the feeling of fear, of sheer terror, and at some point you rejected your fear and made a decision that this was a bad way to feel because you associated it with some negative event.

Now it is time for you to be the adult and take charge of your internal world. You have to be the one to take back your power, even if you're scared. When you are in fear, it's because you believe in that darkness more than you believe in the light. You might believe that if you do enough, read enough, pray enough or chat enough, you can obliterate your fear, but I am here to tell you that it's impossible to make the fear happy. You might think that if you listen to it long enough, it will go away. But it won't. You must confront it. You must take back your power. You say, "Yes Debbie but how?" Well here is the antidote for your fear: LOVE IT. Don't try to discard or rid yourself of your fear, because you probably aren't strong enough. But what you can do is bring the light to the darkness. That light is love. When faced with your fear, you can ask yourself, "How can I love myself even when I'm in the middle of my fear? You can turn around and face your fear. You can stop te! rrorizing yourself further for being scared and instead find out how old that fear is. You can ask yourself, "How many years, months, weeks, days and minutes have I been terrorized by the same thing?" Count it out and write it down. And then find some sweet compassion for the kid in you that is scared to death.

The greatest way to take on your fear is to create safety for yourself. Safety is the key to courage. And action is your way of showing yourself that you are safe and that you can take care of yourself.. For example, if you hold a secret fear that you could become a bag lady but have no financial plan, then you're going to be continuously terrorized. Get a money mentor. Find out how much money you need to put away and then start on that path. If you're afraid that someone is going to attack you, get trained in self-defense. If you're afraid your business partner is going to extort you, have an agreement drawn up that protects you. If you're fearful that your partner is going to leave you, find out what you would need to do to know that, even if they did leave, you're a desirable and extraordinary person? If you're scared that you're going to pass your limiting beliefs and issues on to your kids, what transformational class would you have to attend or what coaching could you ! participate in to ensure that you're giving them your highest? If you're scared you're going to get sick, what measures could you take right now to nurture your well-being? Add tai chi or yoga classes to your weekly schedule and seek out an integrative healthcare practitioner (such as an acupuncturist or body worker) to mitigate stress and keep your body in balance.

Since ultimately you are the one that can make you feel safe, what environment do you need to create around you? What support structures could you put in place? Ask yourself where in your life are you not protecting yourself - not taking care of yourself. What subtle adjustment or quantum step can you take this week to put in a measure of safety somewhere in your life where you are fearful? Whether it's adding antioxidants to your daily regimen, putting money in savings, having an alarm system installed, getting insurance, or praying to the divine, do what it takes to ease your heart and mind. Make a commitment this week. Find an area where you have fear and take it on! Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day At A Time
September 22

Reflection For The Day

For a considerable period of time after I reached The Program, I let things I couldn’t do keep me from doing the things I could. If I was bothered by what a speaker or other people said, I retreated, sulking, into my shell. Now, instead of being annoyed or defensive when someone strikes a raw nerve, I try to welcome it — because it allows me to work on my attitudes and perceptions of God, self, other people, and my life situation. We may no longer have active addiction, but we all certainly have an active thinking problem. Am I willing to grow — and grow up?

Today I Pray

May God give me courage to test my new wings — even a feather at a time. May I not wait to be entirely whole before I re-enter the world of everyday opportunity, for recovery is ongoing and growth comes through challenges. May I no longer make desperate stabs at perfection, but keep my aims in sight and develop as I live — a day at a time.

Today I Will Remember

Things I can’t do should not get in the way of things I can.

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Food For Thought

Scales

During our dieting days, we probably spent much time getting on and off the scales. In OA, we are advised not to weigh more than once a month. Though we want to get rid of excess weight, we do not want to be obsessed with pounds and ounces. This program involves much more than weight control, and to make the scales our ultimate judge is to miss the mark.

If we are honestly abstaining from compulsive overeating and working our program, we will lose weight. The rate of loss will vary from person to person and from week to week. Even, and especially, when the scale registers what we want it to register, we continue to honestly abstain and work the OA program.

In OA, we are more concerned with the progress we make in controlling our disease than we are with our specific weight on any particular day. If our illness is under control, weight control will follow. Scales are useful for measuring physical progress, but they are not a god.

May I use the scales wisely?

[bluidkiti]

September 23

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or the life of another. --Helen Keller
It is a great loss when we underestimate the importance of our efforts in the life of another. One man, who had to spend some time in a hospital, waited day after day to receive a card or a telephone call from those who cared. Some people, who he expected to call or write, did not. Others, who the man had not felt close to, and whom he did not expect to hear from, surprised him with their concern. He came to place greater value on those who had cared enough to call or send a card.
A little act, the best we have at that moment, makes a big difference to the person on the other end. Knowing this helps us make sure that all our acts, even the smallest, are as good as we can make them, because they all make a difference.
What small acts of those around me have made a difference to me?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Granted that I must die, how shall I live? --Michael Novak
On our recovery path we sometimes fall into a hole. As we get more in touch with ourselves and with reality, we might be overwhelmed, frightened, or depressed. Many men have asked, "How can it be that I live life with such struggle and hard work only to die in the end?" In recovery we no longer have our anesthetic, our drug of choice, our excesses and controlling behaviors to dull this painful awareness.
Growing as a human being means becoming more aware of these dark truths and not being paralyzed by them. We accept death and choose life. That means we live fully in the present. We choose relationships with others. We appreciate the beauty of creation and seek to know the will of God. In recovery, we choose to live this day fully, in contact with friends and loved ones, appreciating the beauty around us, and helping those we can.
God, help me to tune in to your truth, and to be a living part of your constant creative process.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Who will I be today? The "Cosmopolitan" woman, the little girl, the scholar, the mother? Who will I be to answer the needs of others, and yet answer the needs of me? --Deidra Sarault
We wear many hats. One aspect of our maturity is our ability to balance our roles. It's often quite difficult to do so; however, the program offers us many tools for balancing our lives.
Fulfilling some of the needs of significant others in our lives brings us joy. Our own needs must be given priority, though. We cannot give away what we don't have, and we have nothing unless we give sincere attention and love to ourselves.
In years gone by, we may have taken too little care of others, or we overdid it. In either case, we probably neglected ourselves. Most of us starved ourselves spiritually, many of us emotionally, a few physically. We were all too often "all-or-nothing" women.
Today we're aware of our choices. We've been making a number of good ones lately: We're abstinent. We're living the Steps. And we're choosing how to spend our time, and what to do with our lives. But no choice will turn out very well if we haven't taken care of ourselves.
I will center on myself. I will nurture the maturing woman within and then reach out.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Tolerance
Practice tolerance.
Tolerate our quirks, our feelings, our reactions, our peculiarities, and our humanness. Tolerate our ups and downs, our resistance to change, and our struggling and sometimes awkward nature.
Tolerate our fears, our mistakes, our natural tendency to duck from problems, and pain. Tolerate our hesitancy to get close, expose ourselves, and be vulnerable.
Tolerate our need to occasionally feel superior, to sometimes feel ashamed, and to occasionally share love as an equal. Tolerate the way we progress - a few steps forward, and a couple back.
Tolerate our instinctive desire to control and how we reluctantly learn to practice detachment. Tolerate the way we say we want love, and then sometimes push others away. Tolerate our tendency to get obsessive, forget to trust God, and occasionally get stuck.
Some things we do not tolerate. Do not tolerate abusive or destructive behaviors toward others or ourselves.
Practice healthy, loving tolerance of ourselves, said one man. When we do, we'll learn tolerance for others. Then, take it one step further. learn that all the humanness we're tolerating is what makes ourselves and others beautiful.
Today, I will be tolerant of myself. From that, I will learn appropriate tolerance of others.


Today I am really listening to the messages that I tell myself. Today I want to feel good. Today I'm changing on my negative messages for positive ones. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
September 23

Listen to Your Body

Listen to Your Body

The call to exercise doesn't come from gyms, health clubs, physical education directors, or diet books. The call to exercise comes from our bodies, from our souls.

I fought exercise for a long, long time. During the 1980s, when it became popular, I managed to resist. It's boring, hard, and unpleasant, I thought. It won't work for me.

When my daughter finally dragged me to the local health club, I felt like I was in a foreign country. I rode a bike for a few minutes, then wobbled to the water fountain looking like a penguin, legs numb, heart pounding, muscles aching, sweat pouring down my back. My daughter looked at me and firmly said, "You let yourself get in this shape. Now it's time to get out."

It took a while to understand that when I did some simple workouts, I felt better, not worse. The cycle happened naturally, over many months. But my body had said loudly, It's time.

The world is full of ways to move around, work our bodies, and exercise. Park the car in the space furthest from the store and walk. Carry groceries one bag at a time from the car to the house. Carry your own luggage. Go for a walk. Go for a run. Do sit-ups. Learn yoga. Take up line dancing.

Find some way to move your body that feels good for you. Start doing it, even if it doesn't feel good at first. Do it until you can hear your body, hear what it wants, hear what it needs, hear what feels good to it. Do it until you can hear your body tell you how and when it wants to move.

The better you can hear your body, the more clearly you will hear your soul.

*****

more language of letting go
You have the power

If you see Buddha, kill him.
--Zen koan

For the first several hundred years after the Buddha died, there were no images of him. Only his dharma, or teachings, were passed on from generation to generation. Eventually, however, the people wanted an image to remind them of their ideal, and that's when and how Buddha statues came to be.

The good thing about having statues of Buddha is they remind followers of the ideals they're striving for in their lives. The difficult thing about Buddha statues is that people may be tempted to idolize the statue, and forget to seek the state of consciousness the Buddha represented.

It's easy for us to idolize our mentors and teachers, the people who encourage and help us to grow. It can be easy to look around us and think others have the key to enlightenment, success, joy.

Stop idolizing other people.

Look in the mirror.

You have everything you need to learn your lessons, grow, achieve success. You have all the courage you need to fail, then try again. You have everything you need, within you, to live and follow your own path with heart.

Not only are you right where you need to be, but you can get wherever you want to go from here. And you and I have all the power we need to learn the lessons we came here to learn.

God, teach me that all I need is within me.

******

Accepting and Releasing Emotions
Denying Your Feelings

Dealing with powerful emotions can be challenging, especially when we are going through chaotic, sad, or cruel experiences in our lives. Often, it can seem like we have only two options for dealing with our feelings so they don’t become too overwhelming. We may let our feelings out in an immediate and visceral way, or we may bottle them up by suppressing our emotions inside our bodies. Most people make the second choice, repressing their feelings in an attempt to deny them. The truth is that there are many positive ways to deal with emotions, and experiencing your negative feelings doesn’t have to constitute a negative experience. Denying your feelings is not only unhealthy for the mind and the body, but it may also rob you of valuable information you could be learning about yourself and your life. Suppressing your emotions can even impede your short-term memory. Acknowledging your feelings can help you better understand them and help you recover naturally from change, stres! s, and grief.

If you find that facing your feelings head on is proving too difficult during times of emotional distress, you may want to explore alternative ways of expressing them. Otherwise, the emotions you deny could morph into unconscious anger or self-hatred. Expressing your thoughts to friends or family can be helpful. If you don’t feel ready to share them, try giving them words by writing down what you are feeling. Give whatever you are feeling simple words like “livid” or “angry” or “excited” You can also funnel your feelings into a creative outlet, physical exercise, or chores. Even just accepting and speaking your feelings out loud to yourself can be a healing release. In releasing intense emotions, it is most beneficial to acknowledge the feelings, allow yourself to feel them, and let the feelings go. Those who are willing to experience and release their feelings without judgment also find that their lives become less stressful. Breathing deeply, going for a long walk, or doi! ng a constructive task can help you respond to your feelings in a healthy way.

While burying negative or uncomfortable feelings can numb the pain, it also may inevitably dull your ability to experience your more positive and pleasurable feelings. You may find yourself afraid to open up in the future for fear of getting hurt. The feelings we deny aren’t limited to anger and sadness. Suppressing our happiness or excitement can be just as unhealthy. In learning how to express your intense emotions in a healthy way, you are giving yourself the freedom to fully experience the more joyful emotions that come with being alive. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 23

Reflection For The Day

On studying the Twelve Steps, many of the first members of The Program exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” “Do not be discouraged,” we’re told at the meeting after meeting. “No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.” Can I believe, in the words of Browning, that my business is not to remake myself, but to make the absolute best of what God made…?

Today I Pray

Even if I am an old hand at The Program, may I not forget that the Twelve Steps do not represent an achievement that can be checked off my “things to do” list. Instead, they are a striving for an ideal, a guide to getting there. May I keep my mind open to deepening interpretations of these principles.

Today I Will Remember

Progress rather than perfection.

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One More Day
September 23

Physical courage, which despises all danger, will make brave in one way; and moral courage, which despises all opinion, will make a man brave in another. The former would seem most necessary for the camp; the latter for the council; but to constitute a great man, both are necessary.
– C. C. Colton

We are blessed to have many kinds of courage. We just never expected to have them all tested during a course of several years! Our physical courage increases every time we face a new situation or a different medical problem. Although we’re not grateful for the illness itself, it has provided the challenges which have prompted greater courage in us. We’ve also had to look more closely at our values and had to become stronger in protecting them. We’re more conscious of the choices we make and how we make them, and we’re grateful for that awareness.

I will continue to make healthy, moral choices.

************************************************** ****************

Food For Thought

Positive Leads

As our serenity grows, the clamor and confusion inside our heads die down. Instead of being pulled in many different directions and uncertain of which way to turn, we gradually discern the positive voice that leads us forward. Rather than trying to analyze all possible alternatives intellectually, we gain the confidence to choose the positive way without agonizing indecision.

To worry and speculate about the roads not taken is counter productive and wasteful of our energies. We pray that we may know the will of our Higher Power for us, and then we act according to the best of our knowledge. The more we practice listening to the still, small voice within, the more positive direction we will receive.

The mental calmness which we experience as we abstain from compulsive overeating clears away our former confusion. We may make mistakes, but as long as we can admit them and stay in contact with our Higher Power, we will continue to follow His positive leads.

Keep me on Your positive path.

[bluidkiti]

September 24

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, I have failed three times, and what happens when he says, I'm a failure. --S. I. Hayakawa
What happens to us when we call ourselves names like "failure" or "dummy"? We feel we're no good and never will be. We want to stop trying because we think we'll flub up again.
But what if we begin to use different words to describe the same results? It won't change the results, but it will change us. And it will change the way we see our actions and ourselves.
Just by changing the words we use we can feel better about ourselves. Saying, "I've failed three times," means we'll try again and again and again until we succeed. It means we know God doesn't make any failures or dummies. It means God is always with us, loving us and helping us, even when trying seems difficult.
What can I change my thinking about today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum. --Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
As we go about our activities, we will have a richer day when we think of ourselves as painting a picture instead of keeping score. Rather than woodenly completing a task, we might approach it as something that can be made interesting. Instead of driving to work or riding the bus only to reach our destination, we might think of this routine as part of the picture we paint today. When a friend makes a comment, we might think of it as another brush stroke in our painting and join in with him, rather than making a game or contest, which we must try to win.
Many of us men were taught that success means having the highest score. So we have become compulsively competitive - always trying to be right, always striving for more financial security, or always pushing ourselves for some new achievement. Success may not be coming out on top. When our lives are lived as rich and interesting pictures, we find our rewards are far deeper and more lasting.
May the picture I paint today be one I will carry with me and appreciate.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Woman must not be awed by that which has been built up around her; she must reverence that woman in her which struggles for expression. --Margaret Sanger
Let us not stifle ourselves any longer. Let us dare to dream and realize those dreams. Let us dare to take risks, having faith that to advance in any respect implies taking risks. Fortunately, we have the support of the program and one another to cushion the fall, if it should come. But more important, we have one another's example to inspire us as we contemplate our own agenda for self-expression.
Many of us for far too long passively watched others move forward. No longer need we be passive observers, but the familiarity of no action, no choice making, and irresponsibility, makes passivity attractive at times. We must remember responsible choices, for only those make possible our very special contributions.
Not every day do we awaken with the strength needed to "do our part." But the strength will be available just as quickly as we call for it. Alone, we are strugglers; however, we have a ready partnership, and it guarantees us guidance, wisdom, and strength when we ask for it.
I have so much to offer other women. And I need another's example. Every expression of my strength will boost another woman's strength. I will give.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Allowing Ourselves to be Needy
We can accept ourselves as people who have needs - the need for comfort, love, understanding, friendship, and healthy touch. We need positive reinforcement, someone to listen to us, someone to give to us. We are not weak for needing these things. These needs make us human and healthy. Getting our needs met - believing we deserve to have them met - makes us happy.
There are times, too, when in addition to our regular needs, we become particularly needy. At these times, we need more than we have to give out. That is okay too.
We can accept and incorporate our needs, and our needy side, into the whole of us. We can take responsibility for our needs. That doesn't make us weak or deficient. It doesn't mean we are not properly recovering, nor does it mean we're being dependent in an unhealthy way. It makes our needs, and our needy side, manageable. Our needs stop controlling us, and we gain control.
And, our needs begin to get met.
Today, I will accept my needs and my needy side. I believe I deserve to get my needs met, and I will allow that to happen.


Today I choose to do things for me that make me feel good about myself. Today is a perfect day to do something that I have been putting off. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Your Healers Will Come to You

The people, the ideas, the resources you need to heal will come. They’ll appear on your path. Sometimes you’ll think it’s almost magical. Sometimes you’ll resist, saying, That can’t be right. It’s too easy. But your healers will come when you need them, when you’re ready.

You can trust the universe to send healers to you, but also trust yourself. Some of the healers and resources you encounter may not be right for you. Trust yourself to know what’s right. And remember, healers aren’t your source of power, they merely assist you in claiming your power. They come to help, to bring their gifts to you so that you can find yours.

Just as your healers will come to you, the people you are to bring healing to will appear in your path when it’s time, when it’s right. Trust yourself to make decisions regarding those with whom you share your gifts. Your heart will guide you if you listen.

Let yourself receive the healing you need. Let yourself share your healing gift with others. Find the balance that’s right for you. Trust yourself and the wisdom of your body, mind, and heart about what feels right, who feels right, and when it works for you.

*****

more language of letting go
Make conscious contact

God must become an activity in our consciousness.
--Joel S. Goldsmith

God is not separate from this beautiful world that he created. He is the creative force behind everything we do. He is the sunrise, the moonrise, the tides, and the eclipse. He created us from nothing, and we are special for no other reason than that we are.

When we let go of our separateness and welcome the fact that we are part of the universe, an amazing thing happens: we see we are part of the glory of the universe.

God is more than a great father standing judgementally above looking down with a mix of love and anger at his creation. We were created in God's image. We are a part of God, and a part of God's spirit resides in each of us.

We are a part of universal consciousness.

Today, whether you are feeling down and sad or joyous and free, take a moment and get in touch with the part of God that resides within you. You're a part of something bigger than all the petty victories and losses in your life. Enjoy your uniqueness; embrace your universality,too. Find comfort and humility in all that is.

See God in your life and in the world. Pray. Meditate.

Make conscious contact with your God.

God, help me make conscious contact with you today.

*****

Spreading Your Light
How You Affect Others Daily

by Madisyn Taylor

We have the potential to affect others through all of our actions during our day whether we are aware of it or not.


As the pace and fullness of modern life serve to isolate us from one another, the contact we do share becomes vastly more significant. We unconsciously absorb each other’s energy, adopting the temperament of those with whom we share close quarters, and find ourselves changed after the briefest encounters. Everything we do or say has the potential to affect not only the individuals we live, work, and play with but also those we’ve just met. Though we may never know the impact we have had or the scope of our influence, accepting and understanding that our attitudes and choices will affect others can help us remember to conduct ourselves with grace at all times. When we seek always to be friendly, helpful, and responsive, we effortlessly create an atmosphere around ourselves that is both uplifting and inspiring.

Most people rarely give thought to the effect they have had or will have on others. When we take a few moments to contemplate how our individual modes of being affect the people we spend time with each day, we come one step closer to seeing ourselves through the eyes of others. By asking ourselves whether those we encounter walk away feeling appreciated, respected, and liked, we can heighten our awareness of the effect we ultimately have. Something as simple as a smile given freely can temporarily brighten a person’s entire world. Our value-driven conduct may inspire others to consider whether their own lives are reflective of their values. A word of advice can help others see life in an entirely new fashion. And small gestures of kindness can even prove to those embittered by the world that goodness still exists. By simply being ourselves, we influence other’s lives in both subtle and life-altering ways.

To ensure that the effect we have is positive, we must strive to stay true to ourselves while realizing that it is the demeanor we project and not the quality of our wondrous inner landscapes that people see. Thus, as we interact with others, how we behave can be as important as who we are. If we project our passion for life, our warmth, and our tolerance in our facial features, voice, and choice of words, every person who enters our circle of influence will leave our presence feeling at peace with themselves and with us. You never know whose life you are affecting, big or small. Try to remember this as you go out into the world each day. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 24

Reflection For The Day

Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow.” Goethe.

I ask myself sometimes, as we all do; “Who am I?” “Where am I?” “Where am I going?” “What’s it all about?” The learning and growing process is usually slow. But eventually our seeking always brings a finding. What seem like great mysteries often turn out to be enshrined in complete simplicity. Have I accepted the fact that my willingness to grow is the essence of my spiritual development?

Today I Pray

God give me patience and the perseverance to keep on hoeing the long row, even when the end of it is out of sight. The principles of The Program are my almanac for growing, even more than the harvesting. The harvest will come, abundant enough to share, if I can stick to my gardentending.

Today I Will Remember

Getting there, not being there.

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One More Day
September 24

To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming is the only end of life.
– Robert Louis Stevenson

Mountain climbers, riverr rafters, and marathon racers all face the “challenge of a lifetime.” We have heard that phrase before, but may not have realized that our challenge of a lifetime would take a different form.

We all face challenges as we move through adulthood. In some instances — pain or illness, for example — we must face the obstacles placed in our way. We cannot choose to ignore or avoid them. One of our biggest challenges is that struggle to maintain a positive mental attitude. This is easier said than done when altered health patterns change lifestyles, but we can be on guard to thhink about “wellness” before “illness” and to remember we have been facing challenges all along.

I face challenges every day — some public, but many private. I Will try to do my personal best.

************************************************** ****************

Food For Thought

Accepting Where We Are

Wherever we are when we come to this program is where we begin. Some of us have further to go along the road to self-actualization than others. No one of us ever arrives in this life. There is always more work to be done.

Believing that our Higher Power has a plan for each of us, we accept the place where He has put us right now. We do not expect to stay in this place, but it is a necessary part of our growth and development. We cannot move on until we understand where we are now and how we got here.

Our Fourth Step inventory gives us an opportunity to examine past actions, which have led to our current situation. We may not like what we discover, but an honest appraisal of our weaknesses and faults as well as our strengths is preparation for constructive change. Accepting where we are frees us from morbid obsession with the past and enables us to move on into the future.

May I accept where I am as the best place for me to be today.

[bluidkiti]

September 25

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Things don't turn up in this world until somebody turns them up. --James A. Garfield
We could learn from the bears in the woods how to turn up opportunities. To nourish themselves, they turn over logs and stumps to get insects. When they smell honey, they will climb a tree after it, and when they see berries they will move branches aside to get at them.
Like the bears, we need to turn up things for ourselves. Perhaps we can enter a drawing or writing contest. Maybe we can try out for a team sport or the orchestra. By doing this, we take risks, which foster our growth and build confidence, and we turn our lives into fulfilling adventures.
Why wait for opportunity to knock when we can knock at opportunity's door. Whatever our interests, finding ways to enjoy them can make the most out of the opportunities around us.
What opportunities are available to me today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Be thine own palace, or the world's thy jail. --John Donne
All of us have some difficult circumstances to face today. Some among us find ourselves in the hospital or in jail. Others are worried about pressures and frustrations at work. Tensions and concerns about war and the future of the world affect us all. We have many uncontrollable circumstances in our lives, but we don't have to give ourselves over to them. A man's body may be in jail while in his heart he is free.
We build a palace for our spirits by maintaining contact with our Higher Power. We are always within the circle of God's love. Always! Knowing that helps us make peace with the limits on what we can do about our situations. Then we can go forth working to make peace in our relationships, accomplish what is possible in our lives, and make a contribution to others.
Today, I will remember that the frustrations around me are not all of who I am. When I am at peace within, I live among spiritual riches.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
...we do not always like what is good for us in this world. --Eleanor Roosevelt
Most of us can look back and recall how we fought a particular change. How certain we were that we wouldn't survive the upheaval! Perhaps we lost a love or were forced to leave a home or a job. Retrospect allows us to see the good of the change, and we can see the necessary part each change has played in our development as recovering women. We've had to change to cover the distances we've traveled. And we'll have to continue changing.
The program and its structure, and our faith in that structure, can ease the harsh consequences of change. Our higher power wants only the best for us, of that we can be sure. However, the best may not always "fit" when first we try it. Patience, trust, and prayer are a winning combination when the time comes for us to accept a change. We'll know when it's coming. Our present circumstances will begin to pinch.
Change means growth. It's a time for celebration, not dread. It means I am ready to move ahead--that I have "passed" the current test.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Peace with the Past
Even God cannot change the past. --Agathon
Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy - energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.
"I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.
"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me - even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.
"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I'd try to absolutely forget about my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow.
I've been recovering now for years, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I'm learning I can't forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel and let go of any feelings I still have, especially anger.
"I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule, and truly all is okay. I've learned to stop regretting, and to start being grateful.
"When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I've learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that my Higher Power was in control, even then.
"I've healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I've made peace with myself about these issues, and I've learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I'm able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.
"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.
"What I've learned has been acceptance - without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I've even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming."
We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for others and ourselves. I know, because that woman is me.
Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.


Today I choose to build a pathway to freedom from the bondage of self. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Discover Life’s Rhythm

Step into the natural rhythm for your life.

You don’t have to push through anymore. You don’t have to push yourself, life, or the energy flow.

If you get tired, take a break. Take a walk. Take in the healing energy of the world around you. Listen to the birds sing. Hear the laughter of a child. Feel the warm smile of a friend, or smile at a stranger passing by. If you get stuck or tangled up, stop trying force the solution. Back off, until the answer emerges naturally from that place of peace and natural instinct within you.

Step out of your tension, out of your fear. Laugh. Lighten up. Loosen up. Change your energy. Relax until you find the flow. Relax until you find your rhythm, until you feel life’s rhythm again.

Step into the rhythm of love.

*****

more language of letting go
Fill in the blanks

The magic of a story lies in the spaces between the words.

When we read a novel, we often find that the writer gives us only the barest elements of a scene, and yet our imagination fills in all the balnk spaces from our experiences, our hopes, our desires. We don't need the author to give us all of the details.

So it is with life. Often we are given only the barest outline of the path that we are to follow, and yet if we are silent and listen to our hearts, we can hear all of the details of our path spelled out for us, a step at a time. There is no need to have everything laid out for us beforehand. If it were, there would be no need to take the trip. We could simply read about it.

Get up.

Live your path with heart.

Fill in the blanks yourself.

God, give me the strength to find out how the story ends by living until the end of it, instead of wanting it read to me beforehand.

*****

Words of Wisdom
Affirmations

by Madisyn Taylor

Our minds accept as truth the critical statements we tell ourselves, but it can also accept our positive affirmations.



The words we speak and think hold great sway over the kind of life that we create for ourselves. Many people live their lives plagued by negative thoughts and never even realize this. They tell themselves and others that they are doomed to fail, not good enough, or not worthy of love, yet they are amazed when their reality starts reflecting these words. Just as the subconscious mind accepts as truth the critical statements we tell ourselves, however, it is also equipped to instantly accept the veracity of our affirmations.

Affirmations are statements chosen and spoken consciously. Once they enter our realm of consciousness, they also enter our subconscious mind where they have the power to change our lives. The affirmations you create should be specific, not too long, worded positively, formed in complete sentences, and spoken in the present tense as if what you are affirming is already true. It is a good idea to repeat your affirmations daily. You may want to tell yourself that you deserve to be happy or that you are in control of your destiny. Or, you may want to focus on a particular goal, such as attracting new friends. Rather than telling yourself you want to be well-liked, say, “I am well-liked.” Your subconscious mind will pick up on these positive messages, and you will begin to live your life as if what you are affirming already has happened. Soon, your reality will begin to reflect your affirmations. If you find that you are thwarting yourself with negative thinking, try repeating ! your affirmations several times a day. Write your affirmations down and say them aloud or in your mind. Allow your conviction to grow stronger each time you say your affirmations, and your negativity will be overridden by your motivation and positive thoughts.

Affirmations are a powerful tool for creating our desired reality. We consciously and subconsciously invite opportunity into our lives when we say affirmations. Trust in the power of your affirmations, and you will very quickly create what you have already stated to be true. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 25

Reflection For The Day

At the suggestion of a long-timer in The Program, I began taking “recovery inventories” periodically. The results showed me — clearly and unmistakeably — that the promises of The Program have been true for me. I am not the sick person I was in years past; I am no longer bankrupt in all areas; I have a new life and a path to follow, and I’m at peace with myself most of the time. And that’s far way from the time in my life when I dreaded facing each new day. Perhaps we should all write recovery inventories from time to time, showing how The Program is working for each of us. Just for today, will I try to sow faith where there is fear?

Today I Pray

God, let me compare my new life with the old one — just to see how things have changed for me. May I make progress reports for myself now and then — and for those who are newer to The Program. May these reports be — heartrendingly — about “what I am doing” rather than — smug — about “what I have done.”

Today I Will Remember

Has The Program kept its promise? Have I kept mine?

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One More Day
September 25

Fate chooses our relatives. We choose our friends.
– Jacques Bossuet

We had no choice — and still have no choice — as to whether our families are supportive and caring. Those of us who lived in negative or unnurturing families may find that we slip into similar situations as adults. Without realizing it, we may have fostered friendships that allow us to use the same old scripts — the same unhealthy scripts.

One of the things we’ve learned from our illness is we must be willing to nurture ourselves. We need approval and love, and we have it within our power to give that gift to ourselves. We also can enter only into friendships based on these qualities, allowing us to be cared for and to care for others.

I choose today to work toward healthy, loving friendships.

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Food For Thought

Don’t Hang On

As long as we are alive, we will experience times of joy and times of sadness. Trying to hang on to the periods of elation and avoid the inevitable depression which each of us feels from time to time causes us to seek artificial stimulation. Using food to try to stay on cloud nine did not work, and neither does anything else.

By turning over our lives, we become willing to let go and move through the periods of joy and sadness as we come to them. Trying to hang on arrests our progress. Nothing is certain in this life except change, and when we stop overeating we are better able to deal with the variations in our feelings and circumstances.

Whatever our current mood or situation, we can remain abstinent. Abstinence gives our lives stability and order, in spite of changes. Being centered in the Power greater than ourselves keeps us from being overly affected by either elation or depression.

By focusing on You, may I move calmly through the times of joy and the times of sadness.

[bluidkiti]

September 26

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
There is no hope of joy except in human relations. --Antoine de Saint Exupery
It is hard to imagine being really joyful and excited without our family and friends. We can imagine a birthday party with no one but us attending. Even if we got many gifts, we would feel empty if there were no one around to share our excitement with.
Our joy comes from each other. Even the hard times furnish us with wonderful memories for later in life. We share the good and the bad, and the rewards of both. When our lives together seem too difficult, when it's too hard to share, too crowded to think, when there are too many disagreements, we can find comfort by looking at one another once again and seeing all the ways we are truly alike, and what we share every moment that we sometimes take for granted--our food, our thoughts, the very air we breathe.
What are the things we share right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
To try to extinguish the drive for riches with money is like trying to quench afire by pouring butterfat over it. --Hindu proverb
In recovery, we learn what we truly want and what is only a symbol of our desires. Do we truly want to use our energies pursuing success, or are we seeking approval from others? Do we truly want money so much, or are we attempting to escape the basically insecure nature of life? Do we truly enjoy the pleasure of food so much, or are we in search of comfort for our emotions?
Our desires, our wants, and our anxieties are spiritual issues. What at first we think we want may only hide deeper, more vulnerable, and painful feelings. When we admit the deeper fears and desires, we move closer to the spiritual truths of our lives. We can search for acceptance within ourselves and from God. We can learn to have spiritual peace in an insecure world. We can learn to accept the love of others even though we know we're not perfect.
Today, I will ask myself what I want and listen with courage to my answer. It will lead me in my spiritual progress.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Why is life so tragic, so like a little strip of pavement over an abyss? I look down; I feel giddy; I wonder how I am ever to walk to the end. --Virginia Woolf
As we look toward the hours ahead, we can be thankful that we need be concerned with only a single day's worth of hours. No more. What may come tomorrow, a decision that might be necessary next week, a big change in our lives coming next year, all will be handled with ease, when the time is right.
How fortunate we are, those of us who share this program for living! Our worries about the future are over, if we want them to be. We need to take only one step at a time. One day at a time. And always in the care of God. Relief from our lives of worry is immediate when we live the axiom, "Let go and let God."
Life does present us with tragedies, and we learn from them. They need not detour us, however. In fact, they strengthen us and encourage personal growth. And no experience will ever be more than we and our higher power can handle.
I will turn to the program and everything it offers today. Just today, and no more, is my concern.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Feeling Protected
Our task is not a naive one of feeling safe, of living and loving in a utopian world. One woman commented that our task is making ourselves feel safe while learning to live and love in a world that is unsafe.
We do not want to dwell on the dangers, for that gives power to the negative. Neither do we want to ignore them or pretend they don't exist.
If we were going to sunbathe, we would not be naive about the dangers from the sun. We know that harmful rays can burn. We would take steps to protect ourselves, so that we could enjoy the benefits of the sun.
That is our task in recovery.
This is what a woman, a helping professional, told me:
Picture a sunscreen surrounding you. Place it around yourself - not too heavy and thick so no light can penetrate, and not so thin that you are exposed to danger.
See yourself protected by a sunscreen that is effective. Make certain that the screen is open to the good. For a while, your screen was too heavy. It held back what you wanted. Now change it to let the good come through.
This is your screen for life and the world. See it. Imagine it surrounding you always. It wraps you in love, in comfort, in protection. No harm can enter. No negative energy can penetrate the screen.
Go in peace; go in safety;, now, know you are protected. Go anywhere you need to go. The evil has been blocked; the goodwill comes pouring forth. You do not have to work so hard at protecting yourself. You can relax and enjoy life trusting that you are safe. Go without fear, for you are wrapped in love and protection. And you shall always be.
Today, I will envision myself wrapped in a shield that blocks the negative and harmful rays of the world, but it is constructed so that the good can enter.


Today I have the courage I need to take the step forward in my life that I have been putting off. I can manage one step at a time, one change at a time, with ease and confidence. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Trust Even the Dark Moments

While on our journey, life can sometimes get bleak. Dark passages may envelop us.

Expect these moments. Often they come at the deepest period of working things out. It can be a time of despair, frustration, dead ends, anguish, and angst. Sometimes these moments are brief; sometimes they last a long time. But usually they are necessary.

Plan on these moments. They are not the end of the journey. They are the passageway through the tunnel and into the light. In just a little while, you will feel, see, and know the purpose of what you’re going through. Soon it will become clear. You will move out of the darkness and into the light.

*****

more language of letting go
Connect yourself

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot-dog vendor? Can you make me one with everything?

I was buckling my seat belt in the little Cessna one day, getting ready for flight training, when my instructor Rob turned to me.

"I just take a second when I strap myself in and tell myself I'm becoming one with the plane as I do," Rob said. "It really helped me in the beginning when I was nervous and felt so separate from the airplane."

What a great idea, I thought. That day turned into one of my most comfortable flying lessons. It reminded me of a lesson I had learned a while back.

For most of my life, I felt disconnected from things: from myself, from other people, from life. That feeling of separateness haunted me. It explains why I tried so desperately to attach myself codependently to people, places, and things.

Over the years, I began to see that my separateness was an illusion. The same energy, the same life force, that runs through all the universe runs through you and me, too.

We're connected, whether we know it or not.

Nobody has to make you one with everything. You already are.

Let go of your illusion of separateness.

Connect yourself.

God, help me know my oneness with the world. Help me know how connected I really am so I don't have to connect in ways that don't work.

Trust even the bleak times. When you reach the end of the tunnel, then you will know why this all had to be.

*****

Other People’s Agendas
Appreciating Suggestions

by Madisyn Taylor

When other people are always offering suggestions on how we should live our life, there is often a void in their own life.


As children, our parents had dreams for us. They wanted us to do well in school, and to do whatever was necessary to reach our highest potential. Later in life, friends may try to set us up with their idea of the perfect partner or the perfect job. Spouses may have agendas for us, too. People close to us may have ideas about how we should live our lives, ideas that usually come from love and the desire for us to be happy. Other times, they come from a place of need within them—whether it is the parent who wants us to live out his or her dreams or the friend or spouse who wants us to play an already-defined role. Whatever the case, we can appreciate and consider those people’s input, but ultimately we must follow our own inner guidance.

There may come a time when all the suggestions can become overbearing. We may feel that the people we love don’t approve of our judgment, which can hurt our feelings. It can interfere with the choices we make for our lives by making us doubt ourselves, or filling a void with their wishes before we’ve had a chance to decide what we want. It can affect us energetically as well. We may have to deal with feelings of resistance or the need to shut ourselves off from them. But we can take some time to rid ourselves of any unnecessary doubts and go within to become clear on what we desire for ourselves.

We can tell our loved ones how much we appreciate their thoughts and ideas, but that we need to live our own lives and make our own decisions. We can explain that they need to let us learn from our own experiences rather than rob us of wonderful life lessons and the opportunity to fine-tune our own judgment. When they see that we are happy with our lives and the path we are taking to reach our goals, they can rest assured that all we need them to do is to share in our joy. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 26

Reflection For The Day

Is freedom from addiction all that we’re to expect from a spiritual awakening? Not at all. Freedom from addiction is only the bare beginning; it’s only the first gift of our first awakening. Obviously, if more gifts are to come our way, our awakening has to continue. As it does continue we find that slowly but surely we can scrap the old life — the one that didn’t work — for a new life that can and does work under any and all conditions. Am I willing to continue my awakening thorough the practice of the Twelve Steps?

Today I Pray

May I remember how it was when my only goal in life was to be free of my addiction. All the words and phrases I used were stoppers – “giving it up,” “quitting,” cutting myself off.” Once I was free, I began to realize that my freedom had more to do with “beginning” than “stopping.” May I now continue to think in terms of starters — “expanding,” “awakening,” “growing,” “learning,” “becoming.”

Today I Will Remember

My stopping was a starting point.

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One More Day
September 26

The modern sympathy with invalids is morbid. Illness of any kind is hardly a thing to be encouraged in others.
– Oscar Wilde

When chronic illness strikes, there are no rules of social behavior we can fall back on. Nothing prepares us for the harsh reality of illness. There is a very delicate balance here. We want those who love us to understand, and we want them to help, but not to pity us.

We need to face squarely the changes that chronic illness brings, both for our loved ones and for us. By openly talking to each other abo0ut our problems of adjusted and loss, we can become less preoccupied with our losses and think more about the future. We will be less concerned with being “in-valid>’ We can move forth to a meaningful and valid life.

Facing the changes caused by chronic illness can, in the long fun, serve to make me stronger.

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Food For Thought

Character Defects

Beginning the OA program, we are inclined to feel that our problems and difficulties are largely due to circumstances and other people. The enemy seems to be outside. The more we work the Steps, the more we realize that our troubles are within, rather than without. Furthermore, we learn that the only person we can change is our self.

We see that the root of our difficulty lies in being centered on self instead of centered in our Higher Power. Our egos can take us only so far before we reach a point where continued growth demands that we begin to abandon them. What a relief to get rid of the anxiety, frustration, and fear that goes with an ego-centered life!

Our Higher Power removes our character defects as we become willing to let go of them. Honest awareness is our first task, and this is facilitated by maintaining abstinence from compulsive overeating. Abstinence gives us the honesty and the energy to change. As we change, circumstances and relationships improve.

I ask that You remove my character defects according to Your will.

[bluidkiti]

September 27

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Let me fly, says little birdie,
Mother, let me fly away.
--Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Don't we all want to fly away? Isn't there a better place out there away from home? The boy can't fly, but he can climb a tree and ride the wind. The girl, high on imaginary wings, flies to her own land of dreams. Even mothers and fathers, together and alone, need to fly--away from work, house, and the everyday same old things. But we all need to return as well. We need to know that home is the one safe place to land, that there we can rest, recover our strength, tell our tales to family and friends.
Our home is safe and comfortable, but if we never leave, even for a short while, we will never take the action necessary to bring our dreams to life.
What small comfort might I give up for today in order to make a dream come true?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
What I have wanted is consistency, ever since the day back in Wyncote when my mom and dad split. I have wanted to be liked. I have wanted to be loved. I have wanted to be in a family type atmosphere. --Reggie Jackson
How many of us gave ourselves away trying to fix painful childhood longings? We thought if we were good boys, good men, caretakers, we would have the love we wanted. Sadly, our remedies for childhood pain have often been childish solutions. Our need for security may have become a self centered obsession and blocked our ability to hear our loved ones. We may have become so fervent about accepting others that we failed to stand up for ourselves and lost their respect.
Most of us reach adulthood with leftover pain no person could ever fix. We learn grown up responses by accepting our load of pain and by asking others for help. Intimacy and companionship reduce the weight. We tell our friends about our burdens, and we learn what they are carrying. In the process we grow in wisdom and maturity.
Today. I will remember I do not have to be alone with my pain.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
The wisdom of all ages and cultures emphasizes the tremendous power our thoughts have over our character and circumstances. --Liane Cordes
"As we think, so we are." We are gifted with the personal power to make thoughtful choices and thus decide whom we are. Our actions and choices combine to create our character, and our character influences the circumstances of our lives.
Our personal mind power will work to our advantage when we think positively, or it will contribute to our disadvantage. Imagining our good fortunes will prepare us for them. Imagining the successful completion of a task heightens and strengthens the commitment we must make daily to it. Imagining the steps necessary to the successful accomplishment of any goal directs our efforts so we don't falter along the way. Our minds work powerfully for our good. And just as powerfully to our detriment, when fears intrude on all our thoughts.]
The program has given me positive personal power; it lies in the relationship I have with my higher power. My outlook and attitude toward life reveals the strength of my connection to God. I will work with God and imagine my good fortune today.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Temporary Setbacks
Sometimes, after we begin recovery, things in our life seem to get worse for a time. Our finances, our relationships, or our health may seem to deteriorate.
This is temporary; this is a normal part of recovery and healing. It may be the way things will be for a time, but not for long.
Keep working at recovery, and the trend will reverse. Before too long, things, and us, will be better than they were before. This time, the foundation will be solid.
God, help me trust You and recovery, even when I have setbacks. Help me remember that the problems are temporary, and when they are solved, I will be on more solid ground.


Today I'm living according to my truth, knowing that freedom and happiness are the result. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Freeze Negative Energy

Police officers often say “Freeze!” when they want someone to stop, when they want to protect themselves. We can do the same thing. We can learn to freeze unwanted energy that comes to us from others.

Health professionals agree there are many causes of stress in our lives, from toxins in the air to problems related to love, money, self-esteem, or work. One subtle problem that can cause undesirable stress– an area we often overlook– is when people direct negative energy at us. We can learn to become aware of, and protect ourselves from, undesirable negative energy that others may unconsciously, or even consciously, be directing toward us– whether they’re feeling angry, resentful, jealous, or downright hateful. We don’t have to absorb the impact of that energy, and let it harm us.

We can freeze negative energy. We can mentally tell it to stop and refuse to take it in and make it ours. If something is really bothering us, try this trick one healer taught me. Draw a picture of the person or write a description of the problem, then stick it in the freezer underneath the bottom tray.

People are energy. Thoughts are energy. Part of loving ourselves is not ingesting toxins. Negative energy is toxic. Don’t stress others.

*****

more language of letting go
Own your life

Are you willing to take responsibility for this mat, to own it? That doesn't mean it isn't everybody else's mat,too. If you're big enough to own the mat as yours, you're big enough to let it be theirs,too.
--George Leonard

In his book The Way of Aikido, George Leonard wrote about the concept of owning the mat. He was talking about aikido. He was referring to an air of ownership, a certain presence he learned to demonstrate both on the mats while practicing martial arts and in his life.

Many subtle attitudes and past conditioning can affect our sense of ownership of our lives and of the world we live in-- guilt, a haunting sense of victimization, laziness, living with repressive, angry, or abusive people may have tamed our sense of ownership of our lives.

One day, I was at my daughter's house. She had recently acquired a new dog, Stanley. Stanley huddled in the corner timidly instead of scampering over to greet me like her other dog did.

"We got Stanley from the pound," Nichole explained. "His previous owners abused him real badly. He's afraid to move around too much. He's afraid he'll get hit. So he sits real quietly, hoping not to make anyone mad."

I thought, That dog reminds me of me.

Let go of negative conditioning. No matter what happened, today is a new day. And it's your lucky day. You've just received an inheritance. You now own your world-- your life, your emotions, your finances, your relationships, your decisions. Walk onto the mat of your life with an air of confidence. Welcome others graciously because it's their world,too. Whether you're walking into your cubicle at work or pushing a shopping cart down the aisle at the grocery store, stand tall, move from your center, and walk with an open heart.

Welcome to your world.


God, teach me what it means to live and let live.

Activity: Review each of these areas of your life: work, relationships, finances, leisure time, emotions, your body, and your spiritual growth. Have you forfeited or given up ownership in any of these areas? If you have, today's a good day to take it back.

*****

Seasons of Beauty
Aging Gracefully

by Madisyn Taylor

As we cultivate our life, our beauty becomes as much about what we are creating and doing as it is about our appearance.


We tend to associate youth with beauty, but the truth is that beauty transcends every age. Just as a deciduous tree is stunning in all its stages—from its full leafy green in the summer to its naked skeleton during winter and everything in between—human beings are beautiful throughout their life spans.

The early years of our lives tend to be about learning and experiencing as much as we possibly can. We move through the world like sponges, absorbing the ideas of other people and the world. Like a tree in spring, we are waking up to the world. In this youthful phase of life, our physical strength, youth, and beauty help open doors and attract attention. Gradually, we begin to use the information we have gathered to form ideas and opinions of our own. As we cultivate our philosophy about life, our beauty becomes as much about what we are saying, doing, and creating as it is about our appearance. Like a tree in summer, we become full, expressive, beautiful, and productive.

When the time comes for us to let go of the creations of our middle lives, we are like a tree in autumn dropping leaves, as we release our past attachments and preparing for a new phase of growth. The children move on, and careers shift or end. The lines on our faces, the stretch marks, and the grey hairs are beautiful testaments to the fullness of our experience. In the winter of our lives, we become stripped down to our essence like a tree. We may become more radiant than ever at this stage, because our inner light shines brighter through our eyes as time passes. Beauty at this age comes from the very core of our being—our essence. This essence is a reminder that there is nothing to fear in growing older and that there is a kind of beauty that comes only after one has spent many years on earth. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 27

Reflection For The Day

In times past, even as adults, many of us childishly insisted that people protect, defend and care for us. We acted as if the world owed us a living. And then, when the people we most loved became fed up, pushing us aside or perhaps abandoning us completely,m we were bewildered. We couldn’t see that our over-dependence on people was unsuccessful because all human beings are fallible; even the best of them will sometimes let us down, especially when our demands are unreasonable. Today, in contrast, we rely upon God, counting on Him rather than on ourselves or other people. Am I trying to do as I think God would have me do, trusting the outcome of His will for me?

Today I Pray

May I know, from the dependencies of my past, that I am a dependent person. I depended on alcohol, mood-altering chemicals, food or other addictive pursuits. I was inclined to “hang” on other people, depending on them for more than they could give. May I, at last, switch from these adolescent dependencies to a mature healthy dependency on my Higher Power.

Today I Pray

I have more than one dependency.

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One More Day
September 27

…We love persons . . . by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.
– Jacques Maritain

There is a freedom in loving and being loved. The love we have for other special people frees us to concentrate on them, and we forget ourselves and our problems. Often, these people — our friends and family members — are loved by us not because we find perfection in them but because we magically seem to blend together, and their faults become unimportant.

In being loved, we discover the same freedom. We don’t have to conceal our defects. We can be open. Certainly, we continue to work to free ourselves of defects, but we do it for ourselves; we don’t have to be perfect to deserve love. Nonjudgmental love is one of the things that frees us to make choices without fear.

I treasure all the living friendships I have. They allow me to choose new directions by accepting me where I am.

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Food For Thought

We Admit

Three of the Twelve Steps have to do with admitting. We admit that we are powerless over food and cannot manage our own lives; we admit our wrongs to God, ourselves, and another person; we continue to take inventory and admit when we are wrong.

Out of honest admission of our weakness comes strength. We are able to see ourselves realistically and with clarity. When we are humble enough to admit our wrongs, we get rid of the false front we had tried to maintain. This frees us to be who we are, without pretense.

When we admit our faults, we are cleansed. We no longer have to try to hide and cover up our weaknesses and mistakes. Instead of pretending to be perfect, we can be human and satisfied with progress.

We admit that we have a progressive disease, and we learn how to control it. We do not pretend to ourselves or others that we can eat like everyone else, because we are compulsive overeaters. We cannot manage our own lives, but there is One who can.

I admit that I am powerless, and I am grateful for Your Power in my life.

[bluidkiti]

September 28

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
One is happy as a result of one's own efforts, tastes, a certain degree of courage, self-denial to a point, love of work, and, above all, a clear conscience. Happiness is no vague dream, of that I now feel certain. --George Sand
"We always go get a hot fudge sundae after the school choir concert," the girl said. Her parents laughed because their daughter said always, and they had only gone to a school choir concert once. Then the parents realized that the girl really had a great idea.
"Yes," the mother said, "we always get a sundae because we like to make up new traditions. We'll have to be sure and do it tonight so we don't let the tradition fall apart before it even gets started!"
They all laughed together and started debating which restaurant had the best hot fudge sundae.
We all need to have special traditions with our families. We need celebrations that have nothing to do with official holidays. Family holidays can mean so much more to us sometimes because they celebrate our shared experiences in life and become the source of happy memories for a lifetime.
What tradition can I start today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Life itself is the proper binge. --Julia Child
The Twelve Steps are a suggested program of recovery, not a cure. We can follow them and live a healed life, but we never develop immunity to our addictions and codependency. We remain vulnerable to slips, binges, and a return to old behaviors. If that has happened to us, our first need is to find a way back to the program. A slip may speak the blatant truth we avoided before. A man's complete honesty following a slip has sometimes been the way to renewed knowledge of his powerlessness. There is no value in feeling more shame and self hate in the aftermath of a slip. We need to accept we are incomplete and imperfect human beings. Recovery will come, not from shame, but from honestly accepting our powerlessness and the help we need.
The promise of recovery in this program, a healed life, is just as available after a slip as it ever was. It takes absolute commitment, a willingness to face the pain and hardship. Then we are freed again to engage fully in the joy and the awe of life.
I ask that my compulsions and my weaknesses be lifted from me. I'm not able to cure myself, but I pray for help.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
I can honestly say that I was never affected by the question of the success of an undertaking. If I felt it was the right thing to do, I was for it regardless of the possible outcome. --Golda Meir
Living a principled life is what the inner self desires. It's what God desires. And it's what the healthier ego desires. Living the program's principles is giving each of us practice in living a principled life, one that is free of guilt for our shortcomings.
Having principles assures direction. We need not ponder long how to proceed in any situation, what decision to make regarding any matter, when we are guided by principles. They offer us completeness. They help us define who we are and who we will be, in any turn of events.
As women, particularly as recovering women, we have struggled with self-definition. Often we were as others defined us, or we merely imitated those close by. Sometimes we may slip into old behavior and lose sight of whom we are and how we want to live. It's then that the program's principles come immediately to our aid.
There is no doubt about how today should be lived. I will do it with confidence and joy.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Prayer
Here are some of my favorite prayers:
Help. Please. Don't.
Show me. Guide me. Change me.
Are you there?
Why'd you do that?
Oh.
Thank you.
Today, I will tell God what I want to tell God, and listen for God's answer. I will remember that I can trust God.


I am learning to trust my intuition and I am willing to act on this inner guidance. I am taking positive and healthy actions today and my life is getting better and better. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Forgiveness Will Complete the Process

“Do visit Bryce canyon,” a man advised. “But do it later, after you’ve driven through the other parts of Utah. It’s like the icing on the cake.” So it is with forgiveness. It’s the icing on this cake.

Forgiveness is a simple word, but a difficult, complicated process. Forgiveness is also essential if we want to find happiness and joy.

To forgive too soon, before we’ve felt all we needed to feel along the way, is incomplete. Forgiveness based on denial won’t work. And not to forgive, after we’ve felt our emotions– our anger, rage, pain, and betrayal– will harden our hearts and keep us closed. We’ll have loose ends to tie up, an unfinished connection to our past. We’ll have unfinished business with others, even though we may not see them, speak to them, or consciously think about them any longer. We won’t be free, and neither will they.

Sometimes we need to seek forgiveness because we’ve tried everything else and nothing works to bring us back to peace. Sometimes forgiveness finds us, unexpectedly transforming our hearts, softening us, opening us, and renewing our hearts and our relationships.

Sometimes forgiveness surprises us because it’s the last thing we thought we would need to feel whole again. Forgiveness is often the completion of the process. It’s the icing on the cake.

*****

more language of letting go
You're responsible for you

You can delegate tasks, but you can't delegate responsibility, if the responsibility is really yours.

Sometimes, it's normal to delegate tasks to other people. We may hire people to do certain things for us. We may engage in contracts with a therapist or a healer to help us work through a certain issue. But the responsibility for which pieces of advice we follow, and the decisions we make in our lives, ultimately belongs to us.

It's easy to get lazy. We can let a friend, an employee, or even a skilled therapist begin making our decisions for us. We can listen to what they say and blindly take their advice. Then we don't have to take responsibility for our lives. If the decision doesn't work out, we can say, "You were wrong. Look at the mess you've gotten me into. I'm a victim again."

Yes you are. But you're a victim of yourself.

We can listen to advice and let other people help us, but if they're helping us do something that is our responsibility, the ultimate responsibility for the decision still belongs to us.

Get help when you need it. Delegate tasks. But don't give away your power. Remember you can think, you can feel, you can take care of yourself, you can figure out your problems.

Don't get lazy. Don't give away responsibility for your life.

God, help me remember that I am responsible for me.

*****

Aging Parents
The Cycle of Life

by Madisyn Taylor

When we begin to deal with parents that are aging, it can be a good time to examine your life together and familial past.


For most of us a natural part of the cycle of life is when our roles as children start to shift from that into caretaking roles where are parents are concerned. This can be as major moving a parent into a retirement facility, or coming to the realization that it’s necessary to check in with them more often than usual. Whatever the case, such a shift is momentous as it signals a time of confronting our own mortality as we confront that of our parents. In addition, it can bring up issues about how well they cared for us when we were young. We may also find ourselves consumed with fear at the thought of losing them, even if we’ve been on our own for a very long time.
Talking to other friends and family who are going through similar experiences can be a large source of support. They can help us look at both the unresolved past and the unfolding present, and we are free to talk only about ourselves. Sometimes we need the kind of undivided attention a friend can offer in order to deal with the material that comes up at this time of our lives.
In many ways, this time of life signals a rebirth as we examine our individual past, as well as our familial past. As our parents’ lives move toward completion, we are able to see what they did with their time on earth, what we have done so far with our time, and what we might want to do with the time we have left. These challenges and blessings are all part of the cycle of life. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 28

Reflection For The Day

Now that we’re free from our addictions, living life one day at a time, we can begin to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. We can show kindness where we had shown none; we can take the time and initiative to be thoughtful, considerate and compassionate. Even with the people we dislike, we can at least try to be courteous, at times literally going out of our way to understand and help them. Just For Today, will I try to understand rather than be understood, being courteous and respectful to all people with whom I’m in contact?

Today I Pray

May I never forget my old sponge-like self, who soaked up every drop of affection and attention my family or friends could give me, until they were sapped dry. May I learn to be a giver, rather than a constant taker. May I practice offering interest, kindness, consideration and compassion until sensitivity to others becomes second nature for me.

Today I Will Remember

Giving is part of being.

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One More Day
September 28

A positive, responsible person does not forget the past harm which may have been done because of earlier ignorance, thoughtlessness, or emotional limitations.
– Lewis F. Presnall

We’ve learned to or give those who we felt had done harm to us. Our pain diminished over time, and we were able to let go of our bad feelings.

We are much less accepting of our own errors. Years later we may continue to mercilessly judge ourselves for past mistakes. We can forgive ourselves by offering ourselves the same understanding we have offered those we love. As we move to a new, gentler way of looking at ourselves, we can accept the mistakes we’ve made in the past and even understand them in context of where we were at the time.

I can remember past mistakes I have made, but I will be gentle with myself when I see how far I have come.

************************************************** *****************

Food For Thought

My Own Body

My body is where I live. Its size and shape is a matter between my Higher Power and me. No one else is responsible for my body. In the past, I may have permitted other people to influence what I ate and how much I weighed, but I now take full responsibility.

Other people may think that I am too fat or too thin, but that is their problem, not mine. I am learning what my body needs in order to operate at peak efficiency. I am learning to avoid the foods, which I do not handle well. What and how much I eat depends on my own preference and the requirements of my metabolism.

My body is a gift to me from my Higher Power. Maintaining it in the best possible condition is my response to God’s gift. No one else can tell me how best to maintain my body, since no one else is living in it or receives its inner signals. If I honestly interpret the signals, which come from my body, I will stay abstinent and healthy.

Thank You for my body.

[bluidkiti]

September 29

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
When people envy me I think, Oh God, don't envy me, I have my own pains. --Barbra Streisand
A forest is full of many different kinds of trees--they are all sizes and shapes and shades of color. It is hard to imagine a pine tree wishing it was an oak. Or a fir tree envying the birch its white bark. Instead, each tree catches raindrops and reflects the sunshine in its own way.
We often find ourselves envying someone else. We think they have more money or more friends. We see them as better looking or luckier in some way than we are.
It is so easy to overlook our own gifts when we do this. We get fooled by what looks good and forget that all human beings have some weaknesses and pain, just like we do. Like the trees in the forest, we each have our own unique beauty and talents to offer. If we believe in ourselves, rather than envy those around us, we will grow green and tall in our own way.
What qualities do I have that someone might envy?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Life without idealism is empty indeed. We must have hope or starve to death. --Pearl Buck
Our ideals, the principles that order our lives, are essential to a healing life. Some of us have lived a pattern in which we did not know what we believed. If someone we liked stated a viewpoint, we might wear it for a while like a new shirt - but with no personal commitment. Others of us have indulged in negativism and hopelessness. Life is more fulfilling when we assert our beliefs and give ourselves to them. As human beings, we are unable to perfectly live out our beliefs, but we become whole men by giving our energies to the attempt.
Is beauty in music, art, and nature a worthwhile ideal for us? Are fairness and justice for all people what we value? Are love and brotherhood ideals we hold dear? When we dare assert these values in our lives, they are life giving to us. They mature us. Reaching for what is worthwhile, rather than cursing what is not, gives us a design for making all our choices, and we have hope.
I will dare to meet my negativism with my ideals. My spiritual health will give me life.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Female friendships that work are relationships in which women help each other to belong to themselves. --Louise Bernikow
To have anything worth giving to a friend, we must belong to ourselves. Are we someone we like? Does our behavior agree with our beliefs? Do our friends share our values, and when we are together do we support one another?
If we don't like our own company, we will try to hide our real selves. The more we hide, the further we are running from wholeness and health. We can assess ourselves, calmly and lovingly, so that we can keep on becoming the women we want to be. The more congruent are our behavior and our beliefs, the more we belong to ourselves. The better we like ourselves, the better friends we can be.
The love and sympathy of my women friends can help me in my spiritual journey toward serenity, and I can help theirs. Today, I will accompany others on their journey, and thus find company for my own.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
The Importance of Money
We cannot afford to allow our focus in life to be money. That will not lead us into the abundance we're seeking. Usually, it will not even lead to financial stability.
Money is important. We deserve to be paid what we're worth. We will be paid what we're worth when we believe we deserve to be. But often your plans fail when our primary consideration is money.
What do we really want to do? What do we feel led to do? What are our instincts telling us? What do we feel guided to do? What are we excited about doing? Seek to find a way to do that, without worrying about the money.
Consider the financial aspects. Set boundaries about what you need to be paid. Be reasonable. Expect to start at the bottom, and work up. But if you feel led toward a job, go for it.
Is there something we truly don't want to do, something that goes against our grain, but we are trying to force ourselves into it "for the money?" Usually, that's a behavior that backfires. It doesn't work. We make ourselves miserable, and the money usually goes wrong too.
I have learned that when I am true to myself about work and what I need to be doing, the money will follow. Sometimes it's not as much as I want; sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised, and it's more. But I'm content, and I have enough.
Money is a consideration, but it cannot be our primary consideration if we are seeking spiritual security and peace of mind.
Today, I will make money a consideration, but I will not allow it to become my primary consideration. God, help me be true to myself and trust that the money will follow.


I love myself and all that I am today. My fears are just one part of all that I am. I am a human being on a progressive path to recovery and every part of me is important in the making up of who I am. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey to the Heart
Do Something Nice for Someone Today

Why wait for Christmas? Do something nice for someone today. Give a gift, even when it isn't someone's birthday. Give a gift of love and joy.

Feeling down? Frustrated? Instead of depriving yourself when you already feel bad enough, do something nice for yourself. Love yourself. Be kind, gentle, and nurturing to yourself. Treat yourself to a new book, a bouquet of flowers, a sweater, or a hat-- something that will bring you joy. Take yourself to a movie. Or give yourself a free gift of love-- a walk, a bath, a relaxing afternoon in the sun. Send a card to yourself. Give yourself comforting, encouraging words. Tell yourself how well you've done and that you've done your best.

Give words of love and encouragement to others,too. Tell them you appreciate them. Tell them you think they're wonderful. Tell them they're perfect. When you give gifts of love to others, you give them to yourself.

Sometimes, the gift people need is words of love. "I pray for you every morning," my friend told me. "I ask God to bless you and help you. Then I talk to your angels. I tell them to take special care of you all day long and bring you lots of joy." That's one of the nicest gifts I've ever received.

You don't have to wait for Christmas to give gifts of love and joy. Give that love to others and yourself. Give it often. Give it freely. Give it all year round.

*****

more language of letting go
Remember to take care of yourself

Jenna started dating a new man. Like many women, she was a little frustrated with all the losers that had come along before. She thought she'd put this one to the test. She wanted to see how good he'd be to her.

So when he called her up and asked her what she wanted to do, she told him she thought he should take her on a little trip.

"Hawaii would be nice," she said. "You get us the tickets. And find someplace nice for us to stay when we get there. I don't want to be in a cheesy hotel."

He had enough money in the bank. The trip, she thought, would be exquisite and luxurious. She envisioned the first-class air travel, the limos, and the home he'd rent complete with maid service and a cook.

When the day of the trip arrived, they took a taxi, not a limo, to the airport. And when she boarded the airplane, he led her back to coach. When the flight attendant came around asking if people wanted to rent movies, her boyfriend shook his head and went back to reading his book. She had to dig out the four dollars to pay for the movie.

She sat scrunched up in her seat, all the way to Hawaii. When they got there, he took her to a time-share condo. Then he drove her in the rental car to the grocery store and said, "Pick out what you want to cook."

Throughout the vacation she spent a lot of time stewing in her head, but when they got home, she decided to give him one more chance.

So when he called her up and asked her what she wanted to do Friday night, she said she thought a movie would be nice. She hung up the phone, then dressed up and did her hair. She thought maybe he'd take her to a nice theater.

He picked her up, then drove to the nearest Blockbuster. "Go in and pick out whatever video you'd like to rent," he said. "Do you want to watch it at your place or mine?

The moral of this story is twofold and simple. The first lesson is if you know exactly what you want, you need to spell it out clearly. The second is that it's better not to expect people to take care of us. Even if they agree to do it, we might not like how they do the job.

While it's nice to have people love us and do things for us, it's better to plan on taking care of ourselves.

God, help me remember that it's my job to take care of myself.

*****

The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Nothing Is Insurmountable

When our next best course of action seems unclear, any dilemmas we face can appear insurmountable. Yet there is nothing we cannot overcome with time, persistence, focused thought, help, and faith. Whatever the situation or problem, there is always a solution. And if you remember to look within, even as you search around you for the “right” course of action, you will be able to center yourself, clear your mind, and see that nothing has to be impossible.

The first step in overcoming any obstacle is to believe that it can be overcome. Doing so will give you the strength and courage to move through any crisis. The second step is to make a resolution that you can prevail over any chaos. Enlist your support network of family and friends if necessary. The more minds there are to consider a problem, the more solutions can be found. Don’t discount ideas just because they seem impractical or “unrealistic,” and don’t keep searching for the “best” alternative. Often there is no “best” choice, there is only a choice to make so we can begin moving beyond whatever is obstructing our path. At the very least, making a choice, even if isn’t the ideal one, can give you a sense of peace before you have to figure out what your next course of action will be.

If you feel overwhelmed by the scope of your troubles, you may want to think of other people who have turned adversity into triumph. We often gain a fresh perspective when we remember others who have overcome larger obstacles. It can be inspiring to hear of their victories, helping us remember that there is always light at the end of every tunnel. It is during our darkest hours that we sometimes need to remind ourselves that we don’t have to feel helpless. You have within and around you the resources to find a solution to any problem. And remember that if a solution or choice you make doesn’t work, you are always free to try another. Believe that you can get through anything, and you will always prevail. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 29

Reflection For The Day

In our first weeks or months in The Program, our shaky emotional condition sometimes affects our feelings toward old friends and family. For many of us, these relationships heal quickly in the initial stages of our recovery. For others, a time of “touchiness” seems to persist; now that we’re no longer drinking or using other chemicals, we have to sort out our feelings about spouse, children, relatives, employer, fellow workers, and even neighbors. Experience in The Program over the years has taught that we should avoid making important decisions early in our recovery — especially emotion-charged decisions about people. Am I becoming better equipped to relate maturely to other people?

Today I Pray

May God help me through the edginess, the confusion of re-feeling and re-thinking my relationships, the “getting-it-all-together” stages of my recovery. May I not rush into new relationships or new situations that demand and investment of my emotions — not yet.

Today I Will Remember

No entangling alliances too soon.

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One More Day
September 29

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our culture encourages a quest for outer beauty, even though we know it is more important to have inner beauty. This is the beauty truly valued by others. We can live joyfully; we can delight in discovering and enjoying beauty. We are surrounded with loveliness in nature and in people’s thoughts, words, and deeds. To accept that beauty, we must carry within ourselves a sensitivity, an appreciation for what is offered, and that sensitivity is a large part of the beauty we carry within us.

Life is full of beauty. I will keep my eyes open to the beauty that is in others, in nature, and in myself.

************************************************** ****************

Food For Thought

The Satisfaction of Work

Using our God-given talents and abilities to do the work He assigns us brings deep satisfaction. Many of us used to eat a lot of “idle bread” which we did not need. Now that we are eating less, we find that we derive satisfaction from working more.

Work is an opportunity to give away the gifts we are given. It is sharing which requires effort and discipline. If we do not work up to our maximum level of ability, our satisfaction is reduced. As we give away our gifts, we are given more.

Maintaining abstinence improves the quality of our work and increases our output. Instead of doing just enough to get by, we are challenged to give the best that we have. Abstaining from compulsive overeating can give us the courage and confidence to change jobs when necessary.

When we are emotionally upset, turning to a task, which absorbs us physically or mentally, or both can have a healing effect. Rather than a curse, work can be a blessing, especially when we realize that ultimately we are working with and for our Higher Power.

We give thanks for the satisfaction of work.

[bluidkiti]

September 30

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The house, the stars, the desert--what gives them their beauty is something that is invisible. --Antoine de Saint Exupery
What makes our home special? Is it the shape of it, or whether or not we have carpeting? Probably not.
More likely, what makes us love a place is how we feel when we are there. Home is the familiarity of pleasant smells, activities, and special people.
And when we are caught by the beauty of the stars, isn't it something that happens inside us--the breathtaking feeling of joy that is so hard to describe? The beauty of a day or a special person in our lives cannot be captured, but it can fill and warm our hearts.
Can I measure beauty today by what I feel inside?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind. --William Blake
We seek the answer. Sometimes we think we have found a central truth and later learn that beneath it is another truth. Or what seemed so crucial as a guiding principle for our lives last year is still true but not as crucial. It is like trying to take a snapshot of a changing world while the camera itself is changing.
Some of us in our hunger for security grab for "absolute" truths, which are not absolute. We must continue forever to be eager learners. In stepping across a stream from one floating log to another, we must resist the temptation to become overcommitted to staying in an especially secure looking place, or we will never reach the opposite shore. Even the Twelve Steps of this program are given to us as a "suggested" program of recovery. It is a program that works because it takes us out of our rigid ways. We are continually made new. That is the vitality of the spiritual life.
God, help me to be open to new opinions - to things I had never thought of on my own.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them? --Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy
We choose the lives we lead. We choose sadness or happiness; success for failure; dread or excited anticipation. Whether or not we are conscious of our choices, we are making them every moment.
Accepting full responsibility for our actions is one of the requirements of maturity. Not always the easiest thing to do, but necessary to our further development. An unexpected benefit of accepting our responsibility is that it heightens our awareness of personal power. Our well being is within our power. Happiness is within our power. Our attitude about any condition, present or future, is within our power, if we take it.
Life is "doing unto us" only what we allow. And it will favor us with whatever we choose. If we look for excitement, we'll find it. We can search out the positive in any experience. All situations present seeds of new understanding, if we are open to them. Our responses to the events around us determine whatever meaning life offers. We are in control of our outlook. And our outlook decides our future.
This day is mine, fully, to delight in--or to dread. The decision is always mine.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Not a Victim
You are not a victim.
How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings of victimization.
Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to us!
Got a new car? Yes, we sigh, but it doesn't run as well as I expected, and after all, it cost so much. . . .
You've got such a nice family! Yes, we sigh, but there are problems. And we've had such hard times. . ..
Well, your career certainly is going well! Ah, we sigh, but there is such a price to pay for success. All that extra paperwork. . . .
I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.
Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life taking our blows.
Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind.
We are not victims. We may have been victimized. We may have allowed ourselves to be victimized. We may have sought out, created, or re created situations that victimized us. But we are not victims.
We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.
We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.
Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!
And learn to enjoy what's good.
Today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak, or act like a victim. Instead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what's good and right in my life.


I am one of the miracles of this universe and I am connected to everything that was ever created. I can pick up the phone or sit in quiet meditation, choosing to make a contact with a friend or with my Higher Power or with both. Today I know that I am never alone. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
September 30
You’re a Healer

The healing you give to the world can happen as gracefully and naturally as the pine trees touch and heal with their life, their presence. Arousing your senses, they fill you with their fragrance. Their presence changes your energy, calms your fears, let you know all is well.

Know you can stand tall, joyfully be who you are, and grow where you are. You have the ability to touch those around you in a way that heals them without hurting or draining you. One of your gifts to yourself and to the world is that of a healer. You don’t have to force it, strive to make it happen. It happens gently and naturally when you love and accept who you are.

Open to your healing powers, your ability to heal yourself and those around you. Receive this gift with joy, share it freely with all you meet. Open to your healing powers and you will cherish your past, all you have gone through and done.

Who you are is love. What love does is heal.

*****

more language of letting go
Own your power

I was in an airplane on the way up. I was doing my fidgeting thing, as usual. Brady Michaels, a stunt man and sky diver I had come to know and respect, was sitting across the aisle from me.

"How are you doing Melody," he asked in a gentle way, like he really wanted to know.

"I'm scared," I said.

"Do you believe in God?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Well then walk to that door, jump, and pull your rip cord when it's time," he said. "And don't forget to have some fun,too,"

Owning our power can be one of the most illusive issues we face in recovery. How much is my part? When do I do it? How much is God's part? Which parts of my life am I responsible for, and which parts are destiny?

You can spend years in therapy talking about feelings, but that isn't the same as releasing your feelings and fears and moving forward in your life. You can go to college and train to do the thing you want to do in life. You can sleep every night with your wish list underneath your pillow. But that's different from stepping up to the plate and doing it, whether that means writing a romance novel, starting your own business, learning to bake a cake, or buying an easel and painting a picture. You can read all the travel books in the library-- but that's different from getting on an airplane and taking a trip to someplace you've always wanted to see.

We can go to a million Twelve Step meetings, but that's different from actually working each of the Steps.

As my favorite skydiving instructor, Andy, told me, there's three things to remember:

Gravity always works. The earth won't move out of your way. And God won't pull your rip cord.

We've surrendered our lives and will to the care of God. Now, it's time to learn what it means to align with and own our power.

God, help me own my power to take care of myself. Help me learn to do the job well.

*****

Letting Yourself Be Seen
Being Witnessed

When we allow ourselves to be witnessed by another, we cannot help but be transformed by the experience. Whether we are sharing a personal experience, standing in front of friends to celebrate a special occasion, or expressing our unbridled joy or sorrow in front of a loved one, we are allowing ourselves to be seen and experienced in a very intimate way. Not only are we baring ourselves to someone else, but we are allowing that person to hold a very specific kind of space with us so this powerful act can take place. To be witnessed is to let ourselves be seen as we truly are in that moment.

Our friends and loved ones can easily be witnesses for us, if only we are brave enough to let them. Your next birthday may be the perfect occasion to experience this sacred act: Invite your friends and loved ones to your special day. During the celebration, stand in front of them and thank them for being there for you. Feel their gratitude, attention, warmth, and support, while noticing the sense of safety you feel as they surround you. If you feel inspired, share your innermost thoughts about the day and your life. You may be surprised at the feelings of peace and validation that arise within you, when you feel safe enough to go deep into your soul and share yourself with those you trust.

Anyone who has ever seen love, admiration, acceptance, or appreciation reflected in a friend or loved one’s eyes knows how transformative that experience can be. When you bare yourself to another, you are giving them the gift of you and showing them that they also matter. In letting yourself be witnessed, you are letting others into your intimate space, stepping in the sacred container they have created for you, and creating a cauldron of positive affirmation, support, love, and goodwill that will stay with you forever. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 30

Reflection For The Day

No matter what other people do or don’t do, we have to remain sober and free from other addictions for ourselves. When our program of recovery becomes contingent on the actions or inaction of another person — especially someone with whom we’re emotionally involved — the results are invariably disastrous. We need to also remember that intense dislike is as much an emotional involvement as new found romantic love. In short, we have to cool any risky emotional involvements in the first few months of our recovery, trying to accept the fact that our feelings could change quickly and dramatically. Our watch word must be “First Things First,” concentrating on our number one problem before anything else. Am I building a firm foundation while steering a firm foundation while steering clear of slippery emotional areas?

Today I Pray

May I always remember that healthy relationships with people are necessary for my recovery. But — that substituting an obsession with either a love or hate object is as dangerous to my well-being as any other addiction.

Today I Will Remember

A dependency is a dependency is a dependency.

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One More Day
September 30

There is no failure except in no longer trying.
– Elbert Hubbard

It would be tragic to live our lives without direction, to never try to fulfill any dreams. Perhaps we have felt we do not have direction in our lives any longer, or that we can’t fulfill the lifelong dreams we had. By setting new goals and priorities in terms of today’s reality, we can still have dreams and see them come true.

We might be tempted to resign ourselves to being failures, to set ourselves no new challenges, and to think of ourselves as victims. If we don’t become fatigued with thoughts of resignation and failure, we will have the necessary energy to pursue new goals.

I am setting new goals that are realistic, and I will invest my energy in them.

************************************************** ******************

Food For Thought

Perspective

When our vision was clouded by self-will, our perspective was narrow and subjective. We saw people and events only as they fostered or frustrated our egotistical concerns. The world was a frightening place, since we thought that our welfare was entirely dependent on our own efforts.

Coming to believe in a Higher Power gives us a new, broader perspective. We learn the security of trusting eternal values and moral principles. When we pray only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out, we begin to see ourselves as serving rather than surviving. Particular acts may or may not be successful from our point of view, but we can move on in confidence, knowing that our past, present, and future is in His hands.

The new perspective, which comes to us as we work the OA program, enables us to accept defeats as well as successes and irritations as well as satisfactions. All experience is for our growth and development.

Create in us a new perspective.