Wisdom For Today - October

[bluidkiti]

October 1

Wisdom for Today

When I wake up to a bright new morning and jump out of bed, I can be grateful that I am happy and not sick or disgusted with myself. Sobriety has given me many gifts, but none is more precious than peace of mind. I can get up in the morning confident that I haven’t screwed up again. I can be sure that what I did last night won’t get me in trouble today. I no longer look in the rear view mirror to see if I am being followed. When I was drinking and using, I always was looking back and trying to cover my tracks. Today because of recovery I don’t have to do that anymore.

Yes, I still make mistakes and find that I am still wrong. But I no longer have to run from the past. I can own my mistakes and admit my wrongs. I make amends when needed and know that I now learn from my mistakes. I don’t have to keep repeating my mistakes and trying to hide. Life is about progress now, not living in the past. Am I willing to admit when I am wrong?

Meditations for the Heart

I must rely on the guidance of my Higher Power. I must wait patiently, trusting and hoping for God to show me the way. God reveals His will in many different ways. Sometimes it is in the words that I hear spoken around the table at Twelve Step meetings. Other times I read words in books that reveal God’s will. And still other times it is the words I hear “spoken” in my conscience. I just need to listen, and God will show me the way to a better life. Do I listen for the will of my Higher Power to be revealed?
Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

This is a new day; let me be glad in it. Let me give humble thanks for the way in which You constantly help me. Even when I feel lost, You let me know You are near. Increase in me the desire to listen for Your will for my life. Give me the courage to follow where You lead.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 2

Wisdom for Today

Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries always seemed to be a time when I would get carried away. I didn't mean to get out of control; I just wanted to have a good time. It was a special day, and I deserved it. Invariably I would drink and use too much, and the special day was ruined. Even if I didn't embarrass myself too badly, I would have problems remembering the next day. The things that I could recall weren't always pretty. You would think that my behavior would have been the opposite. You would think I would have been on good behavior because these were special days. Yet this just was not the case.

Even in early recovery, I found that special days and holidays were sometimes difficult. I would once again get caught up in the euphoria that drugs and alcohol would promise. It became important for me to plan how I would deal with these special days ahead of time. Spending time with family that supported my recovery and spending time with my friends around the tables became an important component in my plans. Now I have learned how to really celebrate these special times in recovery, and am I grateful! Do I plan to take care of my recovery on special days?

Meditations for the Heart

Today I celebrate new anniversaries -- Anniversaries of Recovery! There is something truly amazing about speaking up at a meeting and saying, "Yes, I have three months." It is more incredible to say one year, two years, ten years or more. I've been to some conventions and seen people celebrate 20, 30, 40, 50 or more years of being clean and sober. When you talk with these people and ask them how they did it, all of them tell you it is the program and a solid relationship with their Higher Power. What are you doing to make these special days happen in your life?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Every day is special when it is lived clean and sober. Each day I receive is truly a gift from You. Let me treat this day as something special and enjoy the gift that it is. Help me daily recommit myself to the Twelve Steps and to a stronger relationship with You.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 3

Wisdom for Today

Each day I face new choices. Some of these choices are easy, and others are more difficult. I used to do a simple cost-benefit analysis to make my decisions. For the most part this worked fine. I simply needed to determine what a particular choice would cost me physically, emotionally, financially or socially. Next I would figure what the benefits would be and then do that which made more sense. I began to realize that this process did not always accomplish what I wanted it to achieve. Even when I thought the choices I made were good, I found out that they did not produce the desired results. Something was missing.

Too often I was leaving my Higher Power out of the equation. I was not evaluating the choices I faced in light of my values. When I started to make a conscious effort to include my values and the will of my Higher Power in my decision-making, then I found that I was at peace. I could live with my decisions and know that I had done what was best for me in each situation. I’m not saying this made choice making any easier, but it did make the choices clear. Do I pray for “knowledge of His will” and the power to carry that out?

Meditations for the Heart

Learning to accept the struggles in life and realizing that God will walk with me in every struggle has made my life better. It is a matter of faith and reliance on my Higher Power. Trusting God to be there for me has not always been easy, nor has it always resulted in the outcome I would expect. Frequently I am surprised by the fact that the outcome was not at all what I had hoped for, but I have clear evidence that God gave me the strength and courage to deal with the struggle. I have found that often times I gain strength by simply admitting I am weak and need help. I guess that is why my sponsor kept telling me to, “turn it over.” Am I learning to “practice these principles in all my affairs?”

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Each day brings new challenges and new triumphs. Help me to admit when I need help and to turn to those people that You lead me to for help. Give me a humble heart and mind, so that I may be grateful for the small and large triumphs I experience in my day. When I face new choices in life, let me turn to You first for help in making my decisions.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 4

Wisdom for Today

Last night I had a dream. It was not a very pleasant dream because it took me back to my drinking and using. Today, I know that I am not alone and that there have been many others just like me who have had these dreams. Even years into recovery I still find that on some level I still think like an addict and alcoholic. I don't know why I would expect it to be any different. For years and years I poured alcohol into my gut. I spent day after day thinking and behaving like an addict. With all this conditioning, I doubt my mind will ever be free of addict thoughts. They come to the surface from time to time still. Sometimes in dreams and other times in conscious thoughts, the addict and alcoholic inside me still come out to play.

The program has taught me that this is normal, but more importantly it has taught me to think clean and sober thoughts. I need these thoughts to counteract the unproductive and destructive thoughts that the addict inside me still has. I have learned over time that my clean and sober thoughts need to be much stronger and more convincing than the addicted thoughts I still get. Yes, it has gotten easier over time. In fact my clean and sober thoughts have become a very powerful weapon in my recovery. These healthy and wise thoughts keep me motivated to keep what I have gained and seek out what is still to come from learning to live again - clean and sober. Do I have healthy thinking to combat the addicted voice still inside?

Meditations for the Heart

When I hear people at meetings talking, I listen for that voice of addiction that still talks. If I hear that voice, I find myself knowing that I too have the same voice inside. I used to feel fearful when I would hear this voice. No longer, for I find a greater need to be responsible and speak up. I needed people to point out my crazy thinking. Now I feel a need to give back. So I speak up and expose the voice for what it is. I do not know where the courage to do this initially came from, but I know that being responsible and helping others has helped me greatly. Now I can look back and recognize that the courage was a gift from my Higher Power. Do I pray for courage to help others, just as I was once helped?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

This day I do not know where my thoughts will take me. Let me stand strong in my clean and sober thinking. Give me courage to speak out strongly against my own addictive thinking. Let me also be responsible and speak out when I hear addiction speaking in others.
Amen

[bluidkiti]

October 5

Wisdom for Today

There is an inner dialog that goes on in the mind of every addict and alcoholic. This inner dialog goes on between the “sober self” and the “addicted self.” Much of this inner dialog occurs at a subconscious level, and other parts of this dialog occur on a conscious level. Sometimes I am not even aware that this conversation is going on, and at other times it is right in my face. I can be sitting at a meeting and someone will share something that unconsciously triggers the addict's voice inside of me. I hear this voice telling me that the story that the other person shared, "doesn't apply to me." Or maybe it will say that, "He can't help me."

You see this addict alcoholic voice does not always get me thinking about drinking or using. Sometimes it gets me thinking about how the program can't help me. These are thoughts I can not harbor for long. This is where the "sober voice" must speak up and speak up loudly. I need to have a strong sober voice inside that convinces me not to listen to that other voice. Here, too, I need to not only listen to the sober voice inside of me, but I also need to listen to others in the program and I also need to listen to my Higher Power. This is perhaps the most powerful voice I can listen to. Do I recognize the inner dialog I have going on inside? Do I listen to the strong sober voices? Do I also heed the voice of my Higher Power?

Meditations for the Day

Change is not always quick. Sometimes it is painfully slow. Today I know that it is necessary for me to endure the slow pace that change sometimes takes. By learning patience and endurance, I grow. And the change I experience has always been worth it. Sometimes I have had a difficult time seeing this. Sometimes the voice of addiction can make it harder for me to see change as a good thing. But I know that if I hang in there, the promises of change that the program offers are a good thing. Am I willing to learn patience and endurance?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Let me sit quietly this morning and listen for Your voice in my life. Strengthen the inner voice of my "sober self." Let me learn to listen to others in meeting and draw on their strength and wisdom as I fight the good fight against the inner voice of addiction. Help me this day to do the next right thing and to follow You on the path You lay before me.

Amen

[bluidkiti]

October 6

Wisdom for Today

On a dark and gloomy night, the lights of our old haunts can look very inviting. It is easy to get caught up in the memories of the good times we had. I would party until the wee hours of the morning. Drinking with friends, the camaraderie seemed so wonderful. It was my fantasies come true. But that was exactly the problem; it was fantasy and not reality. The night would end, and there was always the morning after. My wallet would be empty, and my head would be too full. Most of us have never seen the tavern the morning after with the smell of stale beer and cigarettes. There are a few of us who would frequent these establishments early in the day to stop the shakes in the morning.

When I was actively drinking and using drugs, I never thought about the next morning. I only focused on the night of partying ahead. I never thought about the consequences that might be awaiting me. This is what I must think about now. I must teach myself to think about the long view. When the lights of the tavern or the lights of my old using friends’ houses seem to shine brightly, I must think about the morning after. I can’t afford to think about the glitz and glamour of the fantasy life. I need to stay in reality - the reality that I can’t drink or use. Have I stopped the “magical thinking” about the fantasy life?

Meditations for the Heart

One of the questions I used to ask myself a lot was, “Why me?” I didn’t understand why I couldn’t drink and use like other people. I couldn’t understand why I kept putting others and myself at risk. I couldn’t understand why I was different. As I began my recovery, I continued to ask myself this question, “Why me?” Then one day things changed for me. Rather than asking, “Why me, why can’t I be like other people?” I began to ask, “Why me, why have I been given this opportunity for recovery?” Many addicts and alcoholics die of their disease. Why have I been selected to have another chance at life? My outlook changed as the question changed. I don’t have the answer, but I believe that God must have a plan for me. God wants me to be useful for His purpose. Am I willing to believe that there is a purpose for me in recovery?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Sometimes I still wonder and even question where You are leading me. Help me to trust and have faith that Your plans for me are good. Keep me willing to follow where You lead. Help me to keep a long-term view of drinking and drugging so that I don’t ever forget the morning after.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 7

Wisdom for Today

Man, I loved to party! I loved going out with my drinking buddies and buying them a round. I loved turning other people on. It made me feel important. But I wasn’t doing any of them a favor. Most of the people I hung out with probably were alcoholic or addicted people just like me. Buying them a drink just helped them get drunk. Getting them high just enabled their addiction to progress. I wasn’t really even doing it for them; I was doing it for my own selfish reasons. I needed people around me who would support and endorse my behavior.

When I joined the program, things changed. People genuinely cared and supported me in the changes I needed to make. As I put a few more twenty-four hours under my belt, I was able to return the favor. I was able to share my experience, strength and hope in order to help others. Sometimes I was doing this without even being aware that I was helping. Friends would come up to me after a meeting and say, “I could really relate to what you shared tonight.” As time passed, I was able to become a sponsor to others in the program and could act as a guide through the steps. I was helping others in a genuine, unselfish way, just as I had been helped. Am I willing to help others in the program in an unselfish way? Do I give away what I have been given? This is the fellowship of the Twelve Step program.

Meditations for the Heart

You can’t teach a child to learn how to really ride a bike if they refuse to take the training wheels off. It is a clear indication that they do not trust. Similarly, God cannot teach us if we do not trust. We have to let go of our fears and learn to trust our Higher Power. There are two blocks to trusting in our Higher Power. The first one is that we do not trust ourselves. We say, “I can’t do that.” We convince ourselves that we are not capable of accomplishing anything. The second block happens when we say, “God won’t be there for us when we need Him.” Learning to trust that God cares for us is not always easy. But recovery can’t happen if we hang onto our stubborn, self-defeating beliefs. It can’t really happen if we refuse “to take the training wheels off.” Do I trust that God will be by my side each step of the way in this new life I’ve been given?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today let me accept the help that is offered to me, and let me reach out to others by sharing my experience, strength and hope. When I get stubborn, remind me to trust. Teach me to use the steps in my life as a guide to solving my problems.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 8

Wisdom for Today

All addicts and alcoholics in recovery will face times when cravings or urges to drink or use will come into our life. For most of us this tends to happen early on in our recovery attempts. This is when that “voice of addiction” screams the loudest. But, even if we make it through these times, we are not immune from having cravings or urges to use come back into our lives. There is little we can do to change our physical response to abstinence. Our brains simply tell us that we are hungry or thirsty. When we experience drug hunger or get thirsty for a drink, we must act wisely and use the tools we are given in the program. We have to tell on our disease; we need to reach out and call someone who understands and talk it through. It will pass. However, when we get caught up in magical thinking and euphoric recall, it is easy to set ourselves up to fail. When I think about drinking or using, that “voice of addiction” reminds me of the good times. The fun I used to have and the camaraderie of my drinking buddies is what I want to focus on. This is dangerous.

I must train myself to remember the hard times and the consequences of my use. Rather than romancing the high, I must focus on the harm. I have to train myself to do that which seems unnatural to me. It is much easier to think about the good times rather than the bad times. Yet, I have learned that this must be my first defense. I must stop my “stinking thinking” and take action to protect myself from the voice of addiction that whispers in my ear. I need to see that the program can offer me everything that addiction did. I can find friends and laughter at meetings. I can find relief and real answers to my problems. I can find everything I need around the tables and on the phone, talking with people who understand. Do I have a concrete plan in place to deal with cravings or urges?

Meditations for the Heart

I can start each day new. I no longer have to carry the past with me wherever I go. Each new breath I take is a gift from God. For this I must be grateful. I can choose to keep walking in shame, or I can accept the forgiveness that God offers. If God only gave forgiveness to “good” people, where is the need for it? I believe that my Higher Power gives me forgiveness when I ask for it. It is His grace that provides this gift. I also need to respect the gift that is offered through my genuine desire to change the things I can. Recovery does not demand perfection, only progress. I must look carefully at each of the choices I make and ask myself, “What does God want me to do?” I must choose wisely. I know I will never get it perfect, but I can improve each day and with each breath. Do I recognize that God can and will forgive me?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today I need to be reminded of Your will for me. With each breath I take and each choice I face today, remind me of Your presence. Give me the courage and wisdom to make healthy choices each step of the way. Help me to both ask for and accept Your forgiveness in my life.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 9

Wisdom for Today

Somewhere along the way, I started to develop commonsense. This was not something I had when I was actively using alcohol and drugs. But in recovery I began to learn that if I drank or used drugs, it ended in trouble. More importantly, commonsense told me that if I could no longer drink or use drugs, then the only alternative was sobriety. I found out that I could not simply switch from one drug to another. It was not a matter of stopping the liquor and only drinking beer. I simply had to stop everything. I wasn’t addicted to just one and not the other. I was addicted to changing my reality in ways that destroyed me. Commonsense said I had to stop it all.

I learned other commonsense things as well in recovery. In order to stop my insanity, I had to do more than just stay clean and sober; I had to change my lifestyle. I had to be open to doing things differently. I had to be willing to change. I had to rely on a Power greater than I. My way didn’t work. I had to find a new way of living. This is where the Twelve Steps came into play. These steps taught me how to live. Am I willing to learn commonsense?

Meditations for the Heart

Today as I look out my window, I see that the leaves are starting to change color. The air is crisp, and I am reminded of an important lesson. Soon the leaves will be gone, and the chill of winter will arrive. But now I have much to do if the trees are to bear fruit next year. Branches must be cut, and limbs pruned. The dead wood must be cut away, so that next spring new buds will bear fruit. Recovery is like this. If we are to have strong growth in the new spring of our life, we must prune away the dead wood. I had no idea how to do this effectively. I had to ask for help; I needed someone to show me how to do it properly, or I risked killing the tree completely. If I did nothing at all to the tree, there was a good chance that it would not bear any fruit in the coming year. Am I willing to cut away the dead wood in my life to bear fruit in the spring of my recovery? Am I willing to ask for help and to be shown how to do the job right? Do I realize I have to do this, not just once, but each year in order to keep growing?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

You walk with me in each season of my life. Help me to be willing to let You prune away the parts of my behavior that get in the way of new growth. Lead me to the people that can teach me commonsense. Help me to bear good fruit in the renewal of my life.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 10

Wisdom for Today

Trouble and more trouble were all I was getting from my alcohol and drug use. Yes, there were those brief moments when I would experience some relief from the insanity of my use; but trouble invariably followed. When I was using alcohol or drugs, problems would occur. When I wasn’t using, I didn’t feel right. I had to use just to feel normal. In spite of all the consequences and problems, I held onto the belief that somehow, someway, drugs and alcohol could bring me happiness.

I started to go to Twelve Step meetings. At first I looked at how I was different from everyone else. I wanted to find a reason that made me different from all “those” people. What I found was that I was different in only one way. They were happy, and I wasn’t. I listened as person after person told of the problems they had experienced because of using. I listened as they told of how the program had helped them to resolve their problems. I watched them laugh, and I watched them speak of the triumphs they had in recovery. Do I want what the program offers? Do I believe that alcohol and drugs are poison for me?

Meditations for the Heart

“Throw me a rope, God. Get me out of this hole, and I promise I will be different.” This kind of prayer never worked for me, because I always wanted a different kind of rope. I didn’t want to accept the help that God was so freely willing to provide. In recovery I have learned that there are two ends to that rope. On one end is my willingness and faith to grab onto the rope and hold on for dear life. On the other end of the rope is God’s power. I can come up with all kinds of reasons not to grab the rope or even let go of the rope, but it is only when I learn to trust that God indeed has the power to help me and wants to help me that rescue seems possible. Am I still trying to get out of that hole all by myself?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today I want to learn to trust in Your power to help me in my struggles. Teach me to trust and rely on Your power. Show me that I can’t do this without Your help. Give me the strength I need to hold on to recovery today.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 11

Wisdom for Today

Sometimes life just isn’t fair. When one problem after another seems to be piled on each other, it is easy to get frustrated, depressed or overwhelmed. It is easy to get caught up in the furious pace of trying to “fix” things or react in a way that makes you just want to give up. The road of recovery is not always an easy one. It’s easy to go to meetings and complain that the program isn’t working. This has happened to me on more than one occasion. When there are a lot of bumps and curves in the road, I can start to complain to my sponsor, or other recovering people, or friends and even God that it just isn’t fair.

Fortunately, these people who care about me remind me that no one promised that life would be fair. No one says it has to be fair. I am reminded that in difficult times I will not always experience the outcome that I want, but I will always be given the strength to deal with whatever happens. I am reminded to look at my expectations. I am reminded to ask for God’s will to be done in my life. Yes, I still need to do the footwork; but I also need to ask for help and direction. I am repeatedly amazed at what happens when I “let go and let God.” Do I still want to control life? Do I still try to manipulate to get what I want?

Meditations for the Heart

Sometimes the emotions in response to life’s struggles can get overwhelming. I can get wrapped up in sadness, self-pity, resentment and fear. When these powerful emotions rise to the surface and begin to determine how I respond to events in my life, I need to get out of my “gut” and get into my head. One of the slogans in the program is, “ Think! Think! Think!” Yes, thinking can be dangerous for addicts and alcoholics, particularly when it becomes “stinking thinking.” But this slogan reminds me to be wise. In the Serenity Prayer, we say the words, “the wisdom to know the difference.” When emotions become crazy, it is vital for my existence to think wisely. It is the only way to make decisions that are healthy. I can’t afford to let rage, or depression, or fear or self-pity make decisions for me. Do I know when and how to think wisely?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
As I walk through this day, keep me on the path of recovery. Help me to be wise in the decisions I face. Give me the strength I need to deal with the problems that come into my life. Give me wisdom to avoid making problems worse by reacting emotionally rather than responding intelligently.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 12

Wisdom for Today

There was no way that I ever would have learned how to stay clean and sober on my own. All I wanted to do was get wasted. I wanted to drink and use more than anything else. If I ever was going to get into recovery and stay there, I had to learn to want something else more than I wanted to get high. I had no idea what it would be like to live life without drugs and alcohol. I thought it would be boring. I thought it would be painful. I thought it would be lonely. At first I know that it simply was faith that kept me clean and sober -- faith that there could be a better way to live my life. I don't think I really believed that I could be happy, but it had to be better than the self-destructive insanity that I was living in.

As I started to go to meetings, I saw over and over that the people there were happy. Yes, many of them still had problems; but they were happy. Slowly I began to want what they had. I wanted to find that inner peace, and I wanted to find out how they got it. I began to want recovery more than I wanted to get high. I began to want to go to meetings more than I wanted to go to the tavern. Soon I found that my life was going better. I no longer dreaded waking up in the morning. I actually began to look forward to the day. I looked forward to going to meetings. I began to enjoy the camaraderie of the fellowship. I felt like I belonged. I felt like people really cared about me. I also began to feel like God really cared about me. I began to really like what was happening to me, and I wanted to keep it more than I wanted to drink or use. Do I want recovery more than I want my addiction?

Meditations for the Heart

Impatience was something that followed me into recovery. I had walked though life in a very self-centered manner. My attitude was, "I want what I want, and I want it right now." Learning to wait was hard for me. I never liked standing in line, unless I was first in line. I never could wait till my next party-time. I always wanted it now. My sponsor encouraged me to begin to pray for patience. Then one day it seemed as if everything that could go wrong did. Family problems, car problems and work problems all in the same day! That night I went to a meeting and told everyone there about the miserable day I had. I wanted my friends to feel sorry for me. As people around the tables began to comment, each of them talked about similar bad days and how the program helped them. Then this old-timer, sitting across from me, said, "It sounds like God gave you many opportunities today to practice patience." Not what I wanted to hear, but it was what I needed to hear! My impatience through the day made me miserable. It was me that had made things so bad, not the events of the day. Have I learned to be quietly patient?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Some days I just want to throw in the towel. I feel like giving up. On the days that I struggle, remind me that You have a plan for me. Teach me to be patient and wait for Your will to be done in my life. Strengthen my faith each day that life in recovery will indeed make my life better. Give me that inner peace I seek.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 13

Wisdom for Today

When I look back at my life when I was actively drinking and using drugs, I really have to wonder what I really wanted. What was it about my slavery to addiction that kept me coming back? It certainly wasn't the hospitals, or jail or the pain. I wonder sometimes why I even wanted that life at all. But when you are a slave, you do what your master commands. I turned my will and my life over to the care of alcohol and drugs. It was pure insanity. As a slave to addiction I had no power; I simply did what I had to do - get wasted. There was no other choice; at least I didn't think so.

Then one day I walked into a meeting. I expected to find more slaves who had been beaten by the disease. But to my surprise what I found were people just like me who had come to know freedom. They were free of the chains of addiction. It no longer had a hold on them. I couldn't understand how this could be. I kept going to meetings and seeing these people. Their freedom continued. I wanted to be free of the bondage as well. Finally in a moment of courageous fear, I asked, "How did you get free?" The answer was a real surprise: "I am only free for one day - one day at a time." Today I understand this answer, and each and every day I have to remember if I want to keep my freedom, I must be responsible for my recovery. Am I willing to be responsible for my freedom one day at a time?

Meditations for the Heart

My spiritual life must be centered on God. I must remain conscious of my desire to gain a closer relationship with my Higher Power and seek His will. I need to realize that this is my responsibility. Today I believe that God has always been there for me. He is always by my side. Yet even when He is so close, I can shut my eyes and not know He is there. I have to work at improving my conscious contact with God. It is a part of what recovery is about. Recovery does not simply happen; it must be worked for. In the program you hear the slogan, "It works if you work it." Am I being responsible and working my program?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today I must be responsible for my recovery. I am glad that I only need to do this one day at a time. What I am most grateful for is knowing that I do not have to do this alone. I have You by my side, and I have many people in the program who will help me. Let me remember that it was You who loosed the bonds of addiction from me. Help me each day that I walk this path.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 14

Wisdom for Today

Once in a while I can't help but think that I should be able to go back and drink or use again. After all, I have been clean and sober for a long time, and I know all about addiction and what to watch out for. But this kind of crazy thinking will only get me in trouble. I must remember that I am an alcoholic and an addict. It is important that I remind myself that I have a disease each day. I must remember all the times I tried to control my use but failed. I must remember that I can still fall back into the trap of denial.

Somewhere along the way I went too far. I went past the point of no return. I am not really sure when that happened, but I am convinced that I not only passed it but went far past it. I cannot ever go back. I need to remind myself that I already had enough and then some. I know that I cannot go back. My only choice is to move forward in recovery. Have I stopped looking back?

Meditations for the Heart

Somewhere along the line I read the story called, "Footprints in the Sand." I was very impressed with this story because I suddenly realized the number of times that God carried me. By all rights I should have been dead. The number of close calls I had was astounding. But by the grace of God I walk though life today. Even in recovery I am amazed at how many times my Higher Power carries me through the difficult times and struggles I still face. Sometimes I forget just how close my Higher Power is. I need to remember that God is always near and freely gives me what I need. My job is only to improve my conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out. Do I believe that a Higher Power will help me along the way?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Sometimes I can still get mixed up with crazy thinking. Help me to recognize when I stray from the path of healthy thinking, and redirect me so I can continue on this path of recovery. Help me to recognize all the times that I am helped by Your power. Walk with me this day, for I never know when I will need Your help.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 15

Wisdom for Today

It was like I had a one-track mind, like a speeding train that was always heading in the direction of self-destruction. Yes, I did a lot of things right -- I went to work, I played with the kids, I helped out around the house, but always in the back of my mind was getting wasted. Everything I did was solely for the purpose of being able to drink or drug. I became obsessed with altering my reality. I continued down the track until my train derailed. Each time my train crashed, it was not pretty; and each time it got worse. Still I would patch things back together and get right back on the same track. This was the insanity of my addiction -- doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.
In recovery I have learned that I do not need to get back on that train today. I do not have to be obsessed with changing my reality. I do not have to get wasted or destroy my life. The program has truly given me new choices. Yes, I can still try to use my old ways to solve problems; or I can use the steps and the principles of the program. I have learned that there is really very little in life that I do control, but I do control how I respond to life's situations and struggles. I can choose to respond with wisdom, or I can choose to respond with insanity. I do have a choice. Do I seek out wisdom in responding to life's struggles?

Meditations for the Heart

Each morning I try to start my day apart from the busy hustle and bustle of the day and spend time with God. It really is not so much the prayers I say that has created change in my life as much as simply spending time with God. It is this relationship that has led me down a path to wisdom. Simply put, seeking after God's will for me forces me to find wisdom. I used to think that following God's will was hard. What I have found out is that following God's will actually makes life easier. I do not do this perfectly, and I still make plenty of mistakes, but I know in my heart that I have made tremendous progress over time. Am I taking quiet time to walk with my Higher Power each day?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today I seek Your will for my life. Help me to be quiet and listen for the wisdom that You will provide. Help me to think through life's struggles and see the choices I have. Give me the courage to choose to be healthy today.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 16

Wisdom for Today

How is it that we discover that we are alcoholics or addicts? Sometimes I wish it had been easier for me to figure that out for myself. It really would have been nice if I simply could have taken a simple blood test or something. But addiction is not that simple; it is more than physical. A blood test would only test for physical aspects of a disease. Addiction has psychological and social aspects, not to mention the spiritual deterioration. It took a while, but eventually I began to recognize just how mentally and socially impaired I had become. It took even longer to realize how spiritually bankrupt I was.

In recovery I began to realize how obsessed my thinking was and how self-absorbed I was. I had to begin to stop my preoccupation with drinking and drugging. I had to let my mind clear up and get out of the fog I was in. I had to learn to make changes in my life and begin to make new friends at meetings. Once my body and mind and social life started to straighten out, I then realized how important it would be for me to foster a relationship with a Higher Power. It was only in development of this relationship with "God, as I understand Him," that I began to be freed from fear. Do I realize that recovery is much more than physical?

Meditations for the Heart

If I am to really open myself to the Spiritual Realm, then I must rid myself of selfish ambition. I must open myself to being an instrument of God. God can and does work in and through people. I have seen this in the lives of people who have helped me the most along this path of recovery. What has really amazed me is that God works in and through me when I open myself up to His will. There have been many times when I am talking to others struggling to recover, and I am surprised to hear the words that come out of my mouth. These words are not what I probably would have said, but they are the words that God would want me to say. God never ceases to show that He really does care about addicts and alcoholics. The evidence is the incredible number of people who are clean and sober today because of the grace of God. Do I open myself to be an instrument of God's work? Do I give back to the program?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today I ask that You remove any self-centeredness I have. Help me be open to Your will for my life, and give me the power to carry out Your will for me. Help me to be open to helping others and giving back to the program. Continue to amaze me each and every day.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 17

Wisdom for Today

“You can’t keep it, unless you give it away.” This is a statement I have heard repeatedly at meetings, and yet it is something that all too often we forget. It is easy to get caught up in our own issues and forget that unless we help others we will not gain what the program offers. I have found over and over again that when I reach out to a newcomer or someone who is in need that my difficulties seem much smaller. It is easier to establish and maintain an attitude of gratitude. It seems paradoxical that by helping others, I am really helping myself; but that is how it works.

When I get caught up in myself, I become more and more self-centered. I can become more angry and irritated. I can get into the self-pity trip. My pain and my fears seem bigger. However, when I reach out to others and share my experiences in recovery and using the steps, I am surprised to find that my life is easier. Often times I find that I am better able to self-assess and can choose wisely how best to proceed with my own problems simply because I tell others about my disease and my recovery. Do I take enough time to really reach out to others in the program?

Meditations for the Heart

Offering our experience to others is only half of the story. The other half is my willingness to reach out and ask for help when I need it. Probably the best definition of recovery I have ever heard goes like this, “You take your current set of problems and trade them in for a better set of problems; then you trade that set of problems in for a better set of problems.” No one said that recovery would ever mean I would be totally problem free, but I must admit that the problems I face now are certainly better than the ones I used to have. One thing is for sure, the steps can help me with whatever problem I face. I guess that is why Step Twelve ends with, “and practice these principles in all our affairs.” Do I ask for help from others in the program when I need it?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
I really don’t know what this day will bring my way. If this day provides me an opportunity to share my experiences with those in need, let me speak openly. If this day brings new problems, let me willingly ask for help.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 18

Wisdom for Today

If I ingest poison, it will make me sick and may even kill me. This is exactly what alcohol and drugs did to me. Drinking and using made me sick, and it almost killed me. In many ways I look back amazed that I made it through my active illness. Today I look at drugs and alcohol as a poison for me. It makes me sick. This is not to say that all drugs are bad, or even that alcohol is poison for everyone. I just know they are poison for me. This does not mean that I won’t take a drug if my doctor prescribes it. It just means that I will be honest with my doctor about my addiction, so that I am not tempted to play games. I know for myself that I must tell on my disease; I can’t hide it anymore. Addiction does not like being exposed.

As I stop and think about it, the same is true with each of the problems I have in my life. And this is what the steps teach us. We must tell on our disease and expose it to the light of the steps. This is why we do a Fourth and Fifth Step, to shed light on the exact nature of our wrongs. This is why we make amends and why we seek to improve our conscious contact with God. We need to shed light into our lives. Am I still stumbling in the dark?

Meditations for the Heart

Somehow I need to find a way to be closer to my Higher Power. The closer I get to the true Bread of Life, the more I am filled with an inner peace. The more I am in communion with my Higher Power, the stronger the relationship becomes. It was no different with my drugs. The more time I spent getting drunk or wasted, the stronger the relationship became. The bondage of addiction had me, and I couldn’t escape. The program has changed all that for me. Now I want to be closer and closer to my Higher Power. I want that freedom. Do I seek to improve my relationship with God daily?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today let me draw nearer to You. Give me the wisdom and willingness to seek You out in all that I do. Give me the courage to keep the light of the Twelve Steps burning brightly in my life. Help me to do the next right thing.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 19

Wisdom for Today

Taking responsibility for my actions or my feelings, I seldom did this in my addiction. Generally I tried to find someone or something else to blame. “I wouldn’t be this way if…” or “It’s all her fault…” I just couldn’t seem to accept responsibility for anything. I would lie, or hide, or avoid or do just about anything to avoid saying that it was my responsibility. I certainly did not want to blame my problems on my addiction because then I might have to give it up. One relationship I was interested in protecting was my relationship with drugs and alcohol.

In recovery I have learned that I must take responsibility for my actions, behavior and feelings. There are still days when it would be much easier to blame someone else, but I can’t afford to do this. I have to take responsibility, first and foremost, for my recovery. I am not staying clean and sober for anyone else other than me. I also must take responsibility for my actions and my feelings. Yes, I still get angry or afraid; but it is what I do with those feelings that is important. I can strike out at others or even get self-destructive. I can sit and pout or get into self-pity, or I can choose to deal with my feelings in healthier ways. I can blame or I can admit that I am human and make mistakes. Am I being responsible for my behavior and feelings today? Am I being responsible for my recovery?

Meditations for the Heart

Sometimes I just don’t understand where the fear suddenly comes from; but I open my eyes, and it feels like monsters surround me. Those monsters all have names: worry, anxiety, judgment, condemnation and many others. Each of us has our own set of monsters, those things or people or situations we just dread dealing with. Life would be so much simpler if we did not have these monsters. Life is not like that; everyone has these issues. When my heart starts pounding and I get that lump in my throat, it is important for me to take a deep breath and remember that I am not alone. There are all those addicts and alcoholics that went before me and had to face the same monsters. There is my Higher Power who truly is my best friend. When I am surrounded by fear, I must remember I am not alone. I also must remember to think so that I do not act foolishly or impulsively. Do I know I am not alone?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today brings new challenges and even new rewards. Help me to make responsible choices for my recovery and myself. Remind me that I am not alone. Help me to trust that You will indeed help me in every situation I face. Keep me growing in my recovery, and let me bear good fruit.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 20

Wisdom for Today

Sometimes when people ask me what my drug of choice was, I respond, “More!” The reality was that one was never enough; I always wanted more. One drink, one joint, one pile of white powder, one hit was never enough. One simply started the obsession for more. When I first tried to quit using, I thought that simply detoxing myself was all that I needed to do. If I could get through the physical craving, I would have it licked. I was wrong. The reality was that I quit hundreds of times, but I could never stay quit. That led me to my next mistake, a belief that if I just had enough willpower I could end the insanity. But even those times that I was really committed and wanted to stop using, I could not. The quick fix did not work.

These failures led me to a place of hopelessness. It never occurred to me to ask for help. Fortunately when I was directed to the program, I saw people who were just like me, only clean and sober. They had found a way to do something I could not do. They found a way to arrest their disease. They found the answer to a problem I needed to solve. I wanted what they had. So I kept going back to find out how they did it. Each of us takes a different path to arrive at the same door. The answers lie beyond that doorway to recovery. Yet each of us must choose whether or not we will walk through that door. Have I given up on trying to find a quick fix and accepted the need to work the steps?

Meditations for the Heart

Early on I found myself getting flustered a lot. It seemed that everything was going wrong, even though I had stopped drinking and using. I was continuing to experience the consequences of my disease. I was disappointed that my family and friends did not automatically trust me again. I was concerned because my finances seemed to get worse, even though I was not buying drugs and alcohol anymore. This is where the steps really started to work for me. I remember reading Step Two over and over. I listened at meetings and heard others talk about how their life did not calm down until they, “let go absolutely.” I had to stop trusting myself to fix the problems and learn to trust in a Power Greater, who could restore me to sanity. As I started to do this, I found a deep inner sense of calm. The problems didn’t automatically disappear, but they no longer bothered me in the same way. Do I believe that I can have that inner calmness even in the face of life’s problems?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
You know that sometimes I slip back into old behavior and rely on myself. Each time I do this, I find that I loose that sense of inner calm. Help me today to simply use what I know works. Take the problems that I face today, and walk with me along this pathway of recovery.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 21

Wisdom for Today

Sometimes this disease just makes me angry. But then I think all addicts and alcoholics have a similar feeling. When I started out, drinking and drug use were my friends. I used to have a really good time with my friends. I would laugh, and I would dance. I thought I could conquer the world. I certainly felt like I was on top of the world most of the time. Then my friends started to betray me. Alcohol and drugs soon became my enemies. I really can't pinpoint the moment this started to happen, but I have a lot of evidence that indeed alcohol and drugs were out to hurt me -- and not just me, but also those around me. Now that I have been convinced that drinking and are my enemy, I have only one choice. I must go about the work of staying clean and sober.

Even in recovery I still find myself at times angry at this disease. As I have walked through the steps, I have been given constant reminders of the betrayal I went through. My Fourth and Fifth Steps gave ample proof of the ravages of this disease. I have other reminders along the way. Character defects, making amends and practicing the principles of the steps in all my affairs - each has its own way of reminding me of the disease. Fortunately the program also teaches me things that help me to let go of my anger and teaches me how to heal from the wounds of betrayal. Am I using the steps to find healing in my life?

Meditations for the Heart

At first learning to rely on "God, as I understand Him," was not easy. Despite extensive religious training growing up, I found it hard to trust that "God could and would if He were sought." Yet when it came right down to it, I had no other choice. My way just did not work. I had to risk trusting in a Higher Power. In some ways this was one of the most difficult things I had to do in recovery. Looking back, I am really glad I did take that risk. I can truly say that my life has not been the same since. It is absolutely wonderful to have a friend who will never betray me and never turn His back on my requests for help. I can say with confidence that God has become my best friend in recovery. Do I see that turning my will and my life to God, as I understand Him, will lead to a great friendship?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today let me not be consumed with anger or resentment. Fill me with gratitude as I walk through this day. Teach me to be open, honest and willing. And thanks for being my friend.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 22

Wisdom for Today

I used to run a business to support my addiction. My business involved telling lots of lies, hiding out, scamming and manipulation. I had to work real hard to keep my business running. But I had to work hard so that I could keep drinking and drugging. I made an awful lot of people miserable running my business, not just myself. As my business progressed right along with my disease, I became willing to do anything to keep my business afloat.

In recovery I have a new business. Staying clean and sober is a full-time job. I go to meetings and talk with my sponsor as a part of my business of staying clean and sober. I work at the steps. I try to help other addicts and alcoholics as a part of my business. I spend time in prayer and meditation. And like any well-run business, I take inventory. I always want to remember what running the other business was like. I never want to forget that alcohol and drugs are my enemy, seeking to poison my life. Am I running my recovery business like I need to?

Meditations for the Heart

Sometimes even in recovery things get shaken up. When situations arise or problems seem to cause my emotions to run wild, it becomes very important for me to steal away and talk with my Higher Power. When my spirit is in a state of unrest, it is vital for me to again seek out that inner calm. There is only one place that I have always found that quietness in my soul - when I am in quiet conversation with God. Conversation means that I not only speak, but I also need to listen. In that quiet place I can again find the strength I need, and I can quiet the unrest in my heart. I can begin to think clearly again. Then when I have found that sense of inner calm, I need to talk with my sponsor or a close friend who can help me sort through what is going on in my life. This process has proven over and over again to help me get through the tough times. If I don't seek inner calm and talk with others, I risk opening the door for my enemies - alcohol and drugs - to come inside and play. Do I know what to do in times of unrest?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today let me walk confidently in the knowledge that the steps work. Let me use the principles of the program to help me when things get crazy and shaken up. When I call out to You in distress, help me to find that inner calm. Quiet my unrest and help me to seek out feedback from those people that I know will help me.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 23

Wisdom for Today

Every once in a while it is important to sit back and think about all the good things that have happened as a result of recovery. At the top of the list has to be staying clean and sober. I am clean and sober today not because of something I did, but because of something that happened in my life. I never could have done this on my own, and it certainly is the most wonderful gift that recovery has given to me. None of the other gains would be possible without this gift. Certainly there are many other gifts that the program provides, but none is more precious than this.

Most of us in recovery have much to be grateful for. Most of us have jobs that we probably would not have if we stayed active in our addiction. Most of us have families in which relationships were broken and rebuilt in the recovery process. Most of us have real friends, people who genuinely care about us. These friends stand ready to offer a helping hand when needed. Most of us have a new sense of self, who we are on the inside and what we value. These are the gifts of the program. Do I realize that I probably would have none of these things if I didn't have sobriety?

Meditations for the Heart

When life seems to be a mess, I find myself feeling like I am wandering in a desert. My first reaction is to try to find a way out of the desert. I want to run until everything around me is green again. I've tried to find my way out of the desert more than once in recovery. I just kept getting lost. What I have learned over time is that finding my way out of the mess is not important. What is important is finding my Higher Power in the mess. It is only when I seek out God that I am reminded of all that He has to offer me. I find peace and strength and answers when I seek out God. I am also reminded of all that I have gained in recovery. When my heart is calm and I have an attitude of gratitude, the desert seems to disappear. The problems I have suddenly feel manageable. Do I seek out God when my life is in distress?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today I see that I have much for which to be grateful. I know that none of this would be possible without Your Divine intervention. Help me to always remember to be grateful for what I have received in recovery. Teach me not to panic when life seems unmanageable. Help me to trust that You are always there to help me.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 24

Wisdom for Today

When I was active in my addiction, I spent a lot of time in preparation. I spent time preoccupied with how I would get the money, with whom I would drink or use and where and when I would get high. It became a ritual to plan my next drunk or party time. I was always thinking ahead and planning out the lies I would need to tell to cover up or hide my addiction. I always had to cover my tracks. Paranoia and fear were my companions.

In recovery things are not so different. I still spend time in preparation. Only now I am preparing myself for that critical moment when the thought of drinking or getting high returns to my thinking. This is just part of the reason I go to meetings. It helps me prepare. Recovery has taught me many other rituals, but these rituals are healthy. I spend time each morning preparing for the day by reading my daily meditations. I spend time working on the steps. I talk with others, who like myself, want to stay clean and sober. One thing that is different is that I don’t spend time planning my next lie. I am no longer living in fear. Do I do the things that are needed to stay prepared?

Meditations for the Heart

Sometimes I wonder about all the prayers that are said that go unanswered simply because of impatience. Too often I see people, including myself, growing impatient with God. Our response is to grab the road map out of God’s hands and take back control of the direction our lives should take. Sometimes it is very hard not to grow impatient. However, many times I have found that if I waited a little while longer, God will give me clear direction. I do not always get the answer I expect or the answer I want, but I find that I always get the answer I need. I don’t always get the problem I have solved, but I find that I always get the strength I need to deal with the problem. Today I have learned that my Higher Power will answer my prayers. Do I wait patiently for God’s answers to my prayers?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today let me spend time in preparation so that I am ready when that critical moment comes into my life. Let me be honest as I walk through this day. Help me to be patient and trust that You indeed will answer my prayers. Help me to be confident that You will give me the direction I need.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 25

Wisdom for Today

It seems to me that all of us are faced with three choices when we look at the concept of God, as we understand Him. I do believe there is a significant variation within these three choices, but I have accepted that each of us in recovery really have only these three choices. The first choice is that there is a God. The second choice is there is no god. And the third choice is, I am god. I think these are the choices we all face.

Looking at these choices, it is easy to see that I am not god. While it is true that I have gravitated to behaving this way at times, when I try and control the universe and make things go my way and in my time, I can see that I am not powerful enough to be god. I could choose to believe there is no god, but this would make me believe that the universe has no origin and simply rushes about going nowhere. That’s practically impossible to believe. The last choice is to believe there is a God, who cares about all people. I have no problem believing in a higher power - alcohol and drugs certainly were more powerful than I. I turned my will and my life over to addiction and watched my life being destroyed. I have also seen many miracles at meetings - people who were just as beaten down as I was, who were freed from the bondage to this disease. Who did that? Do I believe there is a Higher Power that can and does restore addicts and alcoholics?

Meditations for the Heart

The spiritual life is filled with choices. Do I believe, am I willing to trust, will I wait, and can I let go are just a few of the choices. Each day brings new spiritual choices. The sad thing is that most of us don’t take the time to see these choices. This refusal to see these choices paradoxically in and of itself is a choice. Every situation that I face in every day that I live, I have spiritual choices. Do I have to control this, or do I have to do this all by myself, or can I ask for help are a part of my days. I can choose to believe, and I can choose to look at life through spiritual eyes. Or I can walk blindly through my days. Do I look for ways to include spirituality in my decision making process?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Too often I walk through my day with blinders on and refuse to see the whole picture that is life. Help me to take these blinders off and see the spiritual side of life as well. Let me find new ways to open my eyes as I walk through this day.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 26

Wisdom for Today

I want to be alcohol and drug free for the rest of my days. For a long time I was not sure this would be possible. I always feared relapse. Somewhere along the road to recovery I discovered that this really was not up to me, and I am glad it is not. What I learned was that if I relied on myself, there would always be a risk for returning to addictive use. However, when I realized that if I left this up to God, I no longer needed to worry about or fear relapse. This did not mean that I could stop working the steps or going to meetings, but it did mean that if I surrendered to my Higher Power's will for me that I could be confident that He would not lead me back into addiction.

Instead I have been led on an incredible journey through the steps. Sometimes the path was rocky and steep, and the climb was hard. Sometimes I found that my life changed in remarkable ways, and I found new freedoms. Each step along the way, God has walked with me. Thus far, by the grace of God, I have not wanted to go back to the insanity. As time passes, I grow more and more confident that God is leading me on a path that does not involve relapse. This is not to say, it has been easy. In fact, I have had some very difficult challenges in recovery. Yet I am always led though these difficult times and find growing evidence that my Higher Power really does care for me. Am I turning over my will and my life to His care?

Meditations for the Heart

In the Big Book is a line that says, "Half measures availed us nothing." There is no place this is truer than with our spiritual lives. I can put hours and hours of effort into working at change in my life. Yet if I ignore my spiritual development or only go halfway in my spiritual effort, all my work can fall apart. I learned this from old-timers in the program. I was told, " Never be afraid to ask God for help or for what you need." In recognizing some of my character defects, I found that they were not easy to let go of. I could work and work at trying to change my behavior, and nothing would change. Then I would talk with my sponsor, and he would ask me if I had prayed for willingness to let go. I, of course, would say that I asked God to remove the defect. My sponsor again would ask if I prayed for willingness. When I finally would stop being stubborn and would listen, I realized that I had been praying for the wrong thing. I needed to be entirely ready to let go of this defect. There was a part of me that always wanted to hang on to my old behavior. Only in spiritual preparation did I become ready to let go. Do I prepare myself spiritually for change?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today help me to be open to spiritual development. Give me courage to use all measures necessary for change. Let me be willing to follow where You lead me. Let me always surrender my will and follow Your will for me.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 27

Wisdom for Today

Perhaps the most important gift we receive from the program is the ability to form or renew our relationship with a Higher Power. We now have a Divine Principle that we can use to guide our life. I have learned again to trust in this leader that I call God. The pathway of recovery is not always easy. Life still has its problems, but I can now turn to this leader and ask for direction.

Some of us struggle with this spiritual concept. We want everything handed to us on a silver platter. We want to put God in the driver’s seat and simply go along for the ride. God does not work like this. We have to walk the walk; He will not walk it for us. It is only when we rely on God for direction and strength but are willing to do the work that this spiritual principle will begin to work for us. Am I willing to do the work and rely on God for guidance and strength?

Meditations for the Heart

As a child, I recall playing a game called follow the leader. The point of the game was simply to follow and do what the leader was doing. I remember laughing out loud and having fun with all the other kids who played the game. Every so often we would change leaders, and there were times I would get a chance to lead. The Twelve Step program is much like this. When we come to the program, we are hungry for someone to show us the way. We spend time doing what we are shown by others who have been successful. We spend time learning and doing the steps. After we have learned how to play the game of recovery, we are given a chance to lead. We spend time with the newcomers. We begin to teach the principles. Whom do I follow on the path of recovery? Do I stick with the winners?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Let me always remember to look to You for direction. Let me see that there are people in the program who can help show me the way. As I become more solid in my recovery, give me opportunities to lead newcomers along the path to recovery. Guide me in all that I do today.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 28

Wisdom for Today

When I first walked into a meeting, there were signs hanging on the wall. I’m not sure why I remember this because I spent most of my time staring at the floor. I was having a difficult time breathing. I was scared. I don’t think I remember much more about the meeting itself. The thoughts in my head were racing, and I couldn’t think straight. I remember a few people coming up to me after the meeting and welcoming me.

On the way out of the building, I remember looking at one of the signs. It said, “But for the Grace of God.” I knew early on that I was alive only because of Divine Intervention. By all rights my drinking and drugging should have killed me. On more than one occasion it almost did. Even though I was till breathing, on the inside I felt dead. Was there a reason I was still breathing? Time has shown me that God has plans for me. I’m not always sure where He is leading me, but I have come to trust that His grace will lead me to a good place. Do I believe that a Power Greater than myself has plans for me?

Meditations for the Heart

One thing that surprised me was how easily everyone shared at meetings. I was not used to sharing anything, unless I had a hidden agenda. And the things that were shared also surprised me. It was not just at the meetings; but I had many people in the program offering to share their time, or to give me a ride or even to buy me dinner. I was surprised by how easy it was for addicts and alcoholics to do this. Now I find that I am doing the same things. It is really amazing what happens when you begin to share with others. Sometimes you see changes, and at other times you do not, but what amazed me was the changes I saw in me. I became different by sharing and helping others.

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today I will be given opportunities to share with others. Help me not to be selfish, but to give freely. I am grateful for all the people You sent my way to share their experience, strength and hope. Let me now give back what has been given to me.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 29

Wisdom for Today

When I first came into the program, I really didn't want to stop drinking or using. What I wanted was to find a way to learn how to control my use. I wanted to find a way to get out of all the trouble I was in. However, as I attended more and more meetings, I slowly began to realize that drinking and drugging were not normal. I began to recognize that I couldn't control my use, because it controlled me. I began to understand that I no longer was able to choose to drink or not. Drinking and drugging were making all my choices for me. As I began to honestly look at my using career, it became evident that I was addicted to alcohol and drugs. I was powerless, and my life was out of my control.

This realization was overwhelming at first. I was scared, because if I couldn't control my life, who could? If I wasn't able to choose, what was I going to do? Yet in admitting that I was powerless, I soon discovered that I had only one choice left. If I couldn't stop on my own, then something or someone outside of myself was my only hope. I had religion shoved down my throat growing up. The thought of asking God for help seemed distasteful to me, but I really didn't have any other choice. So in utter defeat I reached out again to God for help, and am I glad I did. Trusting in a Power Greater than myself was not easy. Yet, over time I was able to believe that God was indeed helping me. Has step two given me new hope?

Meditations for the Heart

Some days I am faced with new problems in recovery. It is easy to want to try to fix these problems all by myself. This invariably gets me back into trouble. I always have to go back to step two and admit that the only way I can deal with life is with the help of a Power Greater. When I get stubborn or prideful or arrogant, I loose perspective; and the solutions seem hidden to me. Yet when I open myself to humbly asking for God's help, I am always pointed in the direction of many possibilities. It becomes much easier to deal with life's problems when I have multiple answers and solutions to choose from. Suddenly, my life becomes restored to sanity. Do I have sanity when I try to fix my life's problems all by myself?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
You know that sometimes I find it difficult to turn to You for direction. Help me to learn from those times when I become stubborn, or prideful or arrogant. Let me see that turning to You for help opens many doors for me and helps me choose solutions that will indeed help me with life's problems. Let me walk humbly with You today.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 30

Wisdom for Today

Telling your story can be a very important part of the recovery process. Each time I am asked to share my experience, strength and hopes, I am tempted to say, "No;" but I open my mouth and the word, "Yes," comes out. I am tempted to say, "No," because I don't think I will be able to help others; but that is not the point. The real reason to tell your story is to help yourself. It is a selfish program. I find as I go through my history, I am surprised to see how far I have come. I am also surprised by how far I still need to go. As I talk, I can still see areas of my life where I need to grow.

As I share my addiction and recovery history, I can see areas of my life where tremendous change has occurred. I can see that God indeed has been doing for me what I could not do for myself. Sometimes I recall some of my past behavior and realize that I still have amends to make, or I see there was a time when I really got off track. After the meeting, I usually have many other addicts or alcoholics come up to me and thank me for sharing. Often times they talk about how they could relate to both my struggles and my triumphs. I always thank them, because if it weren't for people just like them, the program would not exist. Am I grateful to have people like this in my life? Do I willingly share my story when asked?

Meditations for the Heart

The program offers a significant amount of literature that will instruct you about the Twelve Steps and the recovery process. I have found that reading about the program and the steps has been very beneficial for me. Each time I open a book, I find that I learn something new or reinforce something that I already knew. But where the real changes have come for me in my thinking or beliefs has been when I discuss what I have read. Using the Twelve Step program is a "we" process. If all I do is read about the program, it stays an "I" process. It has only been through this discussion that I have learned to challenge my misconceptions and increased my understanding. It is through talking with others that I have learned practical application of the steps and the principles of the program. It is in talking things through with others that I uncover my own denial and blind spots. Do I read program literature and discuss it with others regularly?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Each day You provide me with more opportunities to learn about and apply the principles of the program. Help me to utilize these opportunities to grow in my understanding and application of the steps. Let me be open to hearing others’ opinions and beliefs. Give me wisdom to sort through this information and "take what works and leave the rest."

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

October 31

Wisdom for Today

Surrender is something I need to do each day as I start my day. I cannot afford to start my day saying to myself, "I'm in control." I have to remind myself each day that I am an alcoholic and an addict. I have to remind myself that this is a problem that I have turned over to God. I have to remind myself that I have surrendered to His will. It is important for me to do this because it reminds me that I have given my addiction problem over to God's hands, because it certainly does not belong in my hands.

I have to remind myself that it is in this act of surrender that I have given up the option to return to drinking and drugging. The act of surrender frees me so that I do not have to worry about relapse anymore. As long as I follow the will of my Higher Power, I can be confident that I will not return to my old ways. As I have walked down the path of recovery, I have found that there are many other problems that I have needed to turn over to God. Each time I do this, I find that I am led to a new place in my recovery process. Often times I am surprised by the outcomes my Higher Power leads me to. Do I take the time to surrender anew each day?

Meditations for the Heart

I will try to grow a little each day. For if I am growing in my recovery, I am not wilting. In order to keep growing I have to work the soil. I must keep the weeds of resentment, fear, and arrogance out of my garden. I must water the seeds of hope and honesty. I must seek out the light of openness and willingness. It is only when I work the steps and fertilize my recovery with meetings that I can be assured that my garden will grow. I continue to be amazed by the growth I have seen in myself and in others in the program. Each time I go to a meeting, I try to remind myself that the room is filled with miracles. What astounds me the most is that I can see that I am one of those walking miracles. Today I will look for the miracles that God creates in my life.

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Again this day I fully surrender my will and my life to You. Help me to be confident in the care that You provide. Help not only me this day but all of the addicts and alcoholics who seek You out. Give me the tools I need to work in the garden today.

Amen