A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!” :169:

A Publicist for Moses

Moses: “How are we going to get across the sea? The Egyptians
are close behind us!”

General of the army: “Normally, I’d recommend that we build our
own bridge to carry us across. But there’s not enough time for
that.”

Admiral of the navy: “Normally, I’d recommend that we build
barges to carry us across. But time is too short.”

Public relations officer: “I don’t have a solution, but I can
promise you this: If you can find a way out of here, I’ll get
you two or three pages in the Old Testament!” :11:

Just 2 2 funny, politics has been around for a long time!

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/i...mdRVkpWvXkSNVA

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she came to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied. . . . “They will in a minute.” :169:

The God drawing was posted on my now distinct web sites. Have always loved it, yet in truth, we all have our own image, and yet many use the pictures of others, because they can't build that relationship with their God and learn what and who their God is to them.

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

“Next Sunday,” she said, “we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark.”

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, “Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room.”

About half the class rose and came forward.

“The rest of you may leave,” said the teacher. “These students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter in the Book of Mark.” :11:

The God drawing was posted on my now distinct web sites. Have always loved it, yet in truth, we all have our own image, and yet many use the pictures of others, because they can't build that relationship with their God and learn what and who their God is to them.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-24...flies/0229.gif

The last one, reminds me of my people pleasing days and my aim to please no matter what. When we tell a lie we either learn to believe it, or we forget, and get found out.

http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-24...flies/0022.gif

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. Someone had written a note and placed it next to the apples. It read, “Take only one, God is watching.”

Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

One little boy wrote his own note and snuck it next to the cookies, “Take all you want, God is watching the apples.” :11:

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.” How do you know what to say?” he asked.

“Why, God tells me.”

“Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?” :169:

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose in the other members’ private lives. Church members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.

She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny; he said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house… and left it there all night! :11:

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud during the service. Finally, his big sister had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked indignantly.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers!" :18:

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked… “doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”
Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him “What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”
Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God’s right hand!” :43:

A Christian middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.

To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched.

The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror.

From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated. :11:

During the children’s sermon on Easter Sunday morning at his new church, the pastor decided to see how much the children understood about Easter. As the group gathered together, he asked them to tell him just what Easter means.

One little girl bravely raised her hand, and then told the pastor that Easter is when a giant bunny brings candy for children. The pastor smiled, trying to hide his disappointment with the answer.

“Okay, how about another?” he asked. Little Billy then added his thoughts, saying “Easter is when all the children color eggs and the adults hide the Easter eggs and let the children participate in an egg hunt.” The pastor’s smile began to fade.

But then, all the way in the back, little Sara humbly raised her hand. “Yes, Sara?” the pastor said. And Sara began describing how Jesus carried the cross and then was crucified and then his body was put in a cave with a rock at the entrance.

“Good so far,” thought the pastor, but then Sara continued.

“Then on Easter Sunday, the boulder magically rolled away from the cave, Jesus was resurrected and stepped out of the cave and saw his shadow. He then knew there would be six more weeks of winter.” :169:

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.

And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.

Now, said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”

A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. “To make the gravy.” :169: