November 13

Quote of the Week

“Be kind, be loving, be quiet.”

I used to have a lot to say. At parties or gatherings, I had to make sure everyone was listening to the stories or jokes or opinions I had, because, don’t you know, I knew everything. And after a few drinks, I became the obnoxious attention seeker people avoided. I was so self-absorbed, that I didn’t even notice I was not getting invited to things, and by the end of my drinking, I didn’t care anymore.

In early sobriety, I couldn’t wait to give my opinions. When I was called on to share, I’m sure many people rolled their eyes as I told them why alcoholism wasn’t really a disease, and why I was there to just dry out and learn how to drink normally again. “Keep coming back,” was a phrase I heard often. Finally, my sponsor suggested I listen more and share my thoughts with him one on one after meetings. After many inventories, much Step work, and a lot of time, I understood the wisdom of this advice.

I’m a completely changed man today. I am sincerely interested in other people’s journey and experiences, and today I look to be of service whenever I can. I understand the value of kindness, and I look for opportunities to practice love and tolerance. I also appreciate the gift of remaining quiet and letting others express themselves. I love to listen to their stories and learn from their unique points of view.

Today, I’d rather listen than share, and as such, both myself and others enjoy the interaction more.

November 20

Quote of the Week

“You’ll never have it all together. That’s like eating once and for all."

I’ve wasted a lot of time and energy waiting for everything to be just right. But it’s never turned out that way. I felt like if only I could get that perfect job and make a certain amount of money, then I’d finally stop worrying. I did get the job, and I made even more money, yet I still had financial insecurity. I hoped that when I met the right woman, then I’d be complete. Turned out that was a complete mess. Finally, I knew that if I could only control and enjoy my drinking, then everything would be okay. Instead, I ended up in A.A.

As I sat in meetings for the first few months, I was sure that if I could only get 90 days, then I’d be okay. Then, at the nine month mark, I hoped I’d feel a lot better at a year. Then I waited to complete my Steps – for the second time! My experience has been that lots of my life gets better, but there are always other areas that need work. And sometimes, areas that I thought were fixed need some attention again. As I struggled to accept this, my sponsor reminded me of today’s quote.

When I remember that I’ll never have it all together, I can finally let go of the illusion of control. What a relief I feel as I turn my will and my life, once again, over to a God of my understanding. As soon as I empty myself of MY demands for the way I think things should be, I am able to accept and appreciate the way things are. As I set to work on a current gratitude list, I’m able to reflect on everything I’ve already been given. And that’s when I realize:

By not having it all together, I can remain open to the unexpected gifts yet to come.

November 27

Quote of the Week

“Willingness is the key.”

I was one big Gordian knot of self-will when I got to the program. I bristled at your suggestions to attend meetings every day, and took offense at many of my sponsor’s directions. I was too good to sweep the floors, and had no interest in shaking people’s hands as a greeter. I was going to do the program my way, and when I did, I was drunk a short time later.

When I took Step One again, my sponsor asked me if I was willing to try things the A.A. way. I grudgingly admitted that I was. Secretly, however, I didn’t think I could do Step Three – you know, the “God” Step. As I vacillated between avoidance and outright resistance, my sponsor asked me if I was willing to believe in a Power Greater than myself. I said I was, and that was all it took. As the Big Book says, with the door to faith opened only slightly, God would help me open it more and more.

As I made my way through the Steps, I repeatedly had to call upon the tool of willingness. At Steps Six and Seven, there were some character defects I was not going to let go of. Gently, my sponsor listened to my resistance then asked me, “Are you at least willing to be willing?” I admitted I was. “Then simply pray for that.” As I prayed, I felt the door open just slightly, and as it did, my Higher Power opened it some more. Eventually, I walked through those open doors to freedom and to a new life.

Willingness was the key to my recovery, and it remains the key to my happiness today.

December 4

Quote of the Week

“Alcoholism is an equal opportunity destroyer.”

I never thought of myself as an alcoholic. My idea of an alcoholic was a bum living in the gutter downtown, or someone wearing a dirty raincoat drinking from a paper bag. I owned a home, had a retirement account, and dined at fancy restaurants. I just drank too much sometimes – it could happen to anyone. After years of what I’ve now discovered to be the slow progression of the disease of alcoholism, my life hit a bottom, and I started attending A.A. meetings.

When I got to the rooms, the people I met didn’t fit the profile of what I thought of as alcoholics. There were no dirty trench coats, and the guys who had five day old beards wore them carefully cut and shaped. I met people in all lines of work – attorneys, dentists, actors, house wives, etc. They were full of life, laughing, sharing, and giving of themselves freely. As I listened to their experiences and feelings, I identified with them, and I felt like I belonged.

I remember being in a meeting and hearing a newcomer share that he didn’t think he was an alcoholic. Someone else shared that non-alcoholics rarely found themselves in an A.A. meeting on a Saturday night denying they were alcoholics. The suggestion was to keep coming back. As I kept coming to meetings and working the Steps, I discovered that I, too, had the disease. I found that it is an equal opportunity destroyer, and that no one was immune. I also found that we all have a common solution that works every time you work it.

I thank God daily I was willing to try it.

December 11

Quote of the Week

“The worst bottom can become the greatest beginning."

A woman once shared in a meeting that she used to keep a breathalyzer in her house to help her control her drinking. One day she started drinking too early, lost track of time, and her husband caught her using it. She was upset the dogs hadn’t given her a warning he was coming. The husband, naturally, was aghast and it seemed like the end of her marriage and family. Instead, it led to her recovery.

I’ve heard people describe all kinds of bottoms. Some have shared that they came out of a black out in jail, scared and confused, and not knowing if they killed anyone while driving drunk. I’ve known others who lost their businesses, their families, and even their freedom. Bottoms come with demoralization, shame, embarrassment and bewilderment. All of them seem like the end of the world – and they are.

But the world that ends is a dark one, one that was ultimately unsustainable and that led to ruin. The new world that recovery brings is one where hope, love, and faith is restored. Through the Twelve Step program, a God of our own understanding performs the miracle of transformation in our lives. He turns what seems to have been the worst day into the greatest, and so begins our new life. No matter how dark your life seems right now, take our advice:

“Don’t leave before the miracle.”

December 18

Quote of the Week

“If you’re having trouble making a decision, maybe you shouldn’t."

When I got sober, I suddenly found that I had a lot more options and choices in my life. Now that I wasn’t drinking all the time, I could decide to do many other things – go to meetings or fellowship, fix up the house, visit family and friends again... Soon, I decided that I needed to make big changes – move to a new city, change relationships, careers, etc. And that’s when my sponsor suggested that I don’t make any big changes during the first year of recovery.

While this didn’t make any sense to me, he explained that while I may not be the person I was while drinking, I was still not the person I would become yet. What I needed to do was work the Steps, get some clarity, and begin making changes and decisions slowly, and with God’s help. He suggested I pray over things first, and wait to see what God’s will might be for me. This advice has served me well over the years.
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These days, I’ve learned that I no longer have to impulsively act on what I think I want do. In fact, I’ve found that if I’m having trouble making a decision, then that means I need to pray over it more until I get a stronger sense of direction. I’ve also learned to not fear making a mistake, because I know that decisions aren’t forever. Today, I struggle less over making a decision, and know that I’m not alone. God is my partner in my life today, and as long as I am willing to go to Him for advice, and follow the direction I receive, things turn out for the best

December 25

Quote of the Week

“Spirituality is the ability to get our minds off ourselves."

When I was newly sober, all I thought about was myself. How was I going to not drink tonight, or tomorrow; how was I going to work the program if I didn’t believe in God; who was going to pay my bills if I couldn’t find work; what if that bump on my neck turned out to be cancer, etc. Every morning I woke up in a cold sweat as all those thoughts of myself descended on me. I was so heavy with self obsession, it was sometimes hard to get out of bed…

Once I got to a meeting, I felt better. For the hour I spent listening to others, or interacting and helping in some way, I forgot about myself and felt free. I often went to fellowship where I would listen to the experience, strength, and hope of other sober people, and I felt a part of something larger than myself. As I worked through the Steps, I acquired tools for getting outside of myself, things like sponsoring others, being of service at meetings or at work or even at gatherings. And most of all, I learned to turn to God.

I was taught early on that I could not be in fear and faith at the same time. Whenever I find I am in fear, it is usually because I am thinking about myself. The solution is to shift my focus and awareness to God. I begin by repeating all that I know about my Higher Power: that right now, I am surrounded by the loving presence of God; that God has infinite resources at His disposal; that every single time I have turned any situation over to His care, it has always worked out. By thinking about God, I cease thinking about myself.

And by the peace and serenity I experience, I know that I am practicing true spirituality.