May 16

Trust in a Higher Power

A man approached me. I am Evelyn's husband, he said. I remembered Evelyn. Many admissions to detox, three rehabs, six months in a halfway house, all followed by relapse. The last time I spoke to you, the man said, it was from the emergency room. That was her last detox, and she has been sober since. After so many relapses, my judgment would have been to stop enabling by rescuing her again. Somehow a Higher Power directed me to authorize the admission. It is wonderful that the Higher Power often steps in when our own judgment, which may seem so infallible, is inadequate.

May 17

Depression

There is a kind of depression that results from chemical changes in the body, which can occur in addicts and nonaddicts alike. This can be treated with safe, nonaddictive antidepressants. The failure to treat such depression can result in prolonged dysfunction, severe suffering, and even suicide. While addicts are prone to take medication indiscriminately, they should not be deprived of nonaddictive medication that can be life saving. Recovering people who need medical treatment for depression should not be excluded from the program and deprived of the support the fellowship can provide when that need is greatest.

May 18

A Dialogue With God

Okay God, said an addict, my life is a mess. I'm not drinking or drugging any more. What else do you want me to do? Make a list of everything you have done, says God, then get someone to help you discover what parts of your behavior are constructive and which are destructive. Compensate others for any harm you have done and ask forgiveness. Then come back to Me and I will help. We can arrive at what is truly God's will only if we eliminate the personal interests that are the products of our character defects.

The Dialogue Continues

The dialogue between the addict and God: But God, I'm in trouble, the addict pleads. I can't wait for Your help until I correct my character defects. Responds the Divine One: 'Wanting a quick fix is a character defect you must get rid of. Your efforts at self-improvement must be sincere. But what's in it for me, God? God responds: You should ask, what is it that God wants? What is it that God asks of you, but to do justice, love benevolence, and walk humbly with your God.'' I thought it was more complicated. No, my child, it is not at all complicated. Keep it simple.

May 20

There Are No Short Cuts to Recovery

Patience helps us develop real goals. Someone said a shortcut is often the quickest way to some place you don't want to be. While chemicals certainly do not fix anything, there is no denying they are quick. Some people risk their lives by reckless speeding. We may become so infatuated with speed we lose sight of the fact we have no ultimate goal. The recovery program teaches that time takes time. When we rid ourselves of an obsession with speed, we can focus on where we are going. Only then can we discover our goals as well as the means of achieving them.

May 21

Sharing the Wisdom of the Program

Some say the proliferation of addictive diseases and treatment programs has made the term addiction meaningless. If we find we are doing something self-destructive, and we would rather not do this thing yet are unable to stop, then this is addiction. The Twelve Step program begins with the realization that, if we are unable to control a destructive behavior, we must enlist some source of strength to help us. The rest of the steps are an effective method to accomplish this. Finally, we share a statement of responsibility that we have found a successful method to save our lives.

May 22

When Fear Is Legitimate

Not all fears are bad. Unhealthy fear is anxiety resulting from anticipating something is going to go wrong, and nothing can be done to avoid it. This fear has no basis in reality and is alleviated by working the Twelve Steps. There is also a healthy fear we may drink or use chemicals again, which has a logical basis because we were once a victim of such compulsion. The fear keeps us from becoming overconfident and drifting from the program. We may never be completely safe from relapse, but we can do something to help avoid it: stay in contact with the program.

May 23

The Rewards of Meditation

To meditate means to eliminate all other thoughts and concentrate on a single subject. Once we have decided to turn our life over to the will of God as we understand Him, we must truly set aside time to think seriously about what the will of God is. It takes a concerted effort to bring ourselves to meditating. That is because meditation can be uncomfortable. It means committing ourselves to do what God wants instead of what we want. If we wish to fully develop our character, we must make that commitment. Take a few minutes out of your busy schedule to meditate. You will find it most rewarding.

May 24

A Model for Life

In the addicted family, the addict acts and the codependent only reacts. We have control over our serves, but not how the other responds. In the addicted family, some people think that they control not only what they do but also the other person's response, and they are frustrated when the other person does not react the way they wish. In real life we need to analyze whether we are serving or returning the serve. We need to be aware that, regardless of how we hit the ball, we can never control how the other person is going to return it.

May 25

Accept Yourself and You'll Accept Others

If we condemn ourselves for every fault, we are likely to be hypercritical of others. If we think poorly of ourselves, we expect people to reject us, and we will avoid this rejection by isolating ourselves. Or if we believe rejection is inevitable, we avoid the suspense by precipitating the rejection. These are just a few examples of how we can be hostile and behave badly toward others because we don't like ourselves. By improving our self-esteem we discover that we not only like ourselves more but that we like other people much more than we had thought.

May 26

Growing with Pain

Pain and suffering are part of reality. One positive aspect of pain is that it can bind us together. If we hurt, we understand that others hurt and empathize. We know our pain can be eased when someone gives us a helping hand. And we can extend help to others. Pain sensitizes us to other people; this is what makes humanity a family instead of a herd. We pray to God to spare us from pain, but if it should occur, let us not waste the precious experience. We learn from it, seek help, accept help, and give help. That is how we grow.

May 27

Secrets Can Be a Burden

Unloading secrets can be a relief. We are only as sick as the secrets we keep. Help from a therapist may be necessary if the secrets are hidden even from ourselves. But there are secrets we do know about, which do not require a therapist. Sometimes, however, we are so ashamed of them that we are reluctant to reveal them to anyone. When we attend meetings, we hear someone share secrets we thought were unique to us. We find people who listen and identify with us. We can unburden ourselves. We have more energy, since we no longer waste energy keeping secrets bottled up inside us.

May 28

Barriers to Intimacy

The love of one person for another is a union of two lonelinesses. Those based on sexual infatuation were never love relationships to begin with. Your loneliness cannot be relieved by another person, no matter how much you try, unless you let that other person into your life. The most common reason for not letting another person get to know us is the fear that this will repel them. It is only when we are at peace with ourselves that we allow the closeness that can relieve our loneliness. If we feel a lack of reciprocity, we may not be allowing the other person to love us.

May 29

Self-Esteem is a Powerful Force

How we react to criticism depends on our self-image. An alumnus from our treatment center called hysterically one day because her husband had been verbally abusive, berating her as a failed wife and mother. The reason she reacted so intensely when her husband made a derogatory comment was because she believed his comments to be true. Had she thought of herself as a good wife and mother, her reaction would have been, I don't know what in the world you are talking about. If we think well of ourselves, even insulting comments, while not pleasant, can be shrugged off.

May 30

God Does Not Abandon Us

We are most likely to find things only when we look for them. I once attended an AA meeting when I was depressed. The last person who spoke said, I have been sober for four years. I have lost my job, my wife, my car, and my house. But I don't think God brought me all this way only to walk out on me now. This person said what I needed to hear in my state of mind. No matter how difficult things get, it is foolish to assume that, after helping us along so far, God is going to abandon us.