August 5, 2013

Quote of the Week

"Find someone you can tell the truth to; we don't do this alone."

Over the 12 months when my life crashed around me, I shut myself off more and more from the people I knew. On those rare occasions when people who knew me asked how I was, I lied and told them I was fine. The truth was that I was isolated, desperate and utterly without hope. I knew the end was near, and I didn't care; in fact, when it came I was actually relieved.

When I entered the program, my life became the antithesis of what it had been before. Rather than isolating, I went to meetings; instead of eating alone, I went out with groups of people afterwards; and instead of lying about things being fine, I learned to speak my truth and tell people what was really going on with me.

Today I know that the only way I can stay comfortable in my own skin is by letting other people into my life and sharing with them what I'm going through. Alone, my head will still lie to me, but when I reach out to others and tell them honestly what I'm thinking, feeling or doing, that's when the miracle of recovery takes place.

Today I know the importance of finding someone you can tell the truth to, because we can't, and don't, do this alone.

August 12, 2013

Quote of the Week

"God has only three answers to your prayers:
Yes
Yes, but not now
No, because I have something better for you."

While the 11th step teaches us to pray only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out, there will invariably be times when we are sure we know what's best and will pray for a desired result or circumstance.

This is the moment that self will has crept back in. Having momentarily forgotten that we had rarely been truly happy when we got what WE wanted, what we need is a way to get back to the wisdom of the 11th step. And this quote provides that.

By keeping these three answers in mind, we're able to release expectations from our prayers and truly surrender ourselves to God's will. Through surrender we find faith and faith leads us to the sure knowledge that God's will for us is always better than our own.

August 19

Quote of the Week

"Am I interfering in the experience God wants them to have?"

Before recovery in Al-Anon, I always thought I knew what was best for everyone. I spent a lot of time working behind the scenes trying to control and manipulate situations and people, sure that if only I could get you to do what was right, then I could help you avoid getting hurt and both your life and mine would be better.

After years of this exhausting strategy, I dragged myself into the program and admitted defeat. Not only were you not taking my advice, but I was growing even more miserable than I was making you. When I asked my sponsor what was wrong with trying to protect those I loved, he told me that denying people the dignity of learning and growing from their own experience never helped anyone, and that all I was really doing was interfering in the experience God wanted them to have.

It took me many years to understand the truth and wisdom in these words. Today though, I know that we each have our own path and our own Higher Power, and I realize that my job is to try to improve my own life, to set a healthy example, and to love you unconditionally.

Today I've learned that all experiences are teachers and that it's up to each of us to learn our own lessons.

August 26

Quote of the Week

"The ONLY thing that can ever make me drink again is untreated alcoholism."

There is a lot in this quote. First, it reminds me that no matter how much time I have, I also still have the disease of alcoholism. Like someone once said, after each day I stay sober, at night alcoholism is in the closet doing pushups and by morning it has grown stronger.

This is why, each day, I have to do something to strengthen my recovery and treat my alcoholism. I can go to a meeting, talk to another alcoholic, work the steps or be of service in some other way. Each of these activities help to keep me spiritually fit, and only by developing, maintaining or growing my spiritual life can I effectively treat my alcoholism.

This quote also reminds me that other people's untreated alcoholism is a danger to me as well. If I'm not spiritually fit, then I'm vulnerable to the influence, the resentment, the lure and the romance of others alcoholism. In these, and many other ways, alcohol truly is cunning baffling and powerful.

Only by constant vigilance and treatment of my alcoholism can I remain sober and recovered.

September 2

Quote of the Week

"It's OK to look back, just don't stare."

A few weeks ago my brother published a memoir about the early years of our family's life in this country (we emigrated from England in the late 50's). It tells the story of the rapid and painful breakup of our family due to my father's alcoholism, and there are some harrowing scenes that were painful for me to read. When I finished the book, I was pretty shaken up, but after a few days I felt myself again. I was grateful for this and remembered that it wasn't always this way.

Before recovery I was lost in the resentment, fear and misunderstanding of my upbringing. I spent many years secretly wishing it had been different, and many more hating what had happened and what had been done to me. When I looked back on it I would dwell on the wrongs that had been done, and the loathing I had for "them" soon turned into the self-loathing of my own alcoholism. Without recovery, it surely would have destroyed me as it had my family.

Through recovery, I have learned to sift through my past to find the lessons and even the gifts it has to offer. I know now that my upbringing and my experiences allow me to help others in a way that no one else can. This is one of the miracles of recovery. Today I don't have to relive my past, but I don't have to shut the door on it either.

Today I know that it's OK to look back, as long as I don't stare.

September 9

Quote of the Week

"The key to my serenity today is directly linked to my ability to stay in the moment--to be in the present."

And this is because God is only here with me now. As soon as my thoughts take me away from the present, and I begin to either dwell on the past and think of what could have been or regret what I did or didn't do, or when I begin to obsess on the future and worry about what will or won't happen, I have abandoned God and I'm all alone.

And by myself, I am powerless and quickly become overwhelmed by fear and worry or by anger and resentment.
Today, my serenity is directly linked to my relationship with my higher power, and I strengthen this relationship throughout the day by returning to the present.

One of my favorite ways of doing this is to follow the advice on page 87 of the Big Book: "As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day 'Thy will be done.'"

As soon as I bring myself back to the present, and get connected to my Higher Power, serenity returns and I know that I'm going to be OK.

September 16

Quote of the Week

"Once you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

I've always heard that alcoholism is a disease of perception. For example, when I first got sober I kept hearing that it was a disease, but I never really saw it that way. Once I started to work my program and learned more about it though, I began to look at it differently, and sure enough it changed! I now see it as the disease it is.

As I continued to work my steps and recovery, I began changing the way I looked at a lot of things and they, too, began to change. For example, my past used to be a source of shame and regret, but when I looked at it as a source of experience, strength and hope that I could use to help another, my feelings about it changed as well. Looking at it this way, I gained a new appreciation for it and my very past seemed to change as well.

Today I know that every situation in life is open to interpretation depending on how I choose to look at it. To help me gain perspective, I sometimes pretend I'm part of a debating club and have been assigned the task of building a case for the opposite point of view. Forcing myself to look at something differently changes my opinion and, seemingly, the thing itself.

It always comes back to how I look at things. Once I change that, everything else changes as well.

September 23

Quote of the Week

"The less full of ourselves we are, the more room there is for others."

During my first year of recovery I worked as a municipal bond broker, and I hated every minute of it and barely made enough money to survive. As I drove to a meeting one night I was obsessed over a big deal I had just talked someone into, and I was worried sick that the prospect might cancel the order. As I drove along consumed with self-centered fear, I had a moment of clarity.

From out of nowhere my thinking shifted to today's quote - I had heard it a few weeks before - and I suddenly knew exactly what it meant. I realized that if I arrived at the meeting obsessed with this deal then I wouldn't be present for the people at the meeting who needed my time and attention. In that instant I had my first God shot, and I've remembered that lesson to this day.

Today I realize that thinking less about myself not only helps me to feel better, but it does something even more important - it allows me to be present for others and so enables the miracle of God and the program to work through me. I also know that my only hope for long term recovery and happiness depends on my continued ability to be of service to others.

That's why today I try to make more room for others by being less full of myself!

September 30

Quote of the Week

"The minute I take control, that's when I lose control."

I used to try to control my drinking and using all the time. I'd give myself a limit as to how many drinks I would have; I'd practice drinking a glass of water between cocktails; I would use only on the weekend (that didn't work because soon Friday and then Thursday became part of the weekend), and on and on. What I found was that as soon as I tried to control it, I lost control.

When I entered recovery I learned about the concept of powerlessness. Even though I had countless examples of how I was powerless over drugs and alcohol, I secretly hoped that one day I would be able to control and enjoy it. After countless inventories and step work, I learned that I lost that dubious luxury long ago, and that whenever I tried to control my drinking I didn't enjoy it, and when I enjoyed it, I couldn't control it.

Just as I was coming to accept my powerlessness over alcohol, I faced an even more daunting idea - that I was powerless over just about everything else in my life as well. The way I've come to accept this is to take responsibility for my part (my thoughts and my actions) and to leave the rest up to God. This always works, when I remember to work it.

And the minute I don't, the minute I take control, that's the minute I lose control once again.

October 7

Quote of the Week

"You need to spend some time with God this morning and then let your day go."

I can start my day two different ways: the way I usually do which means rushing through my morning preparing for work and thinking (or worrying) about how I'm going to control everything to get what I want, or by sitting quietly in meditation and prayer and turning my will and life over to my Higher Power.

You can imagine how the first way goes. I fight my way through traffic, enter work defensive and resentful and am at odds with others and myself throughout the day. After work I fight my way through traffic again and arrive home exhausted and on edge. If I don't go to a meeting, I take these feelings to bed with me and wake up in an uneasy mood. This is what living in self-will is like.

The second way is definitely the easier, softer way and how different the same day goes when I begin it with God. By starting with prayer and meditation, I connect to God and turn my will, life and day over to His will and care. Relieved of the bondage of self, I now go about my day from the perspective of service, and suddenly my day (and life) takes on a deeper meaning. The result of this is fulfillment, serenity and true purpose. And it all begins with God. And it begins every morning by making the right choice.

October 14

Quote of the Week

"The answer is not in the problem; the answer is in the solution."

Before recovery, I lived in the problem. If things weren't going right, or if something went wrong, that's all I thought about. I'd dwell on it, talk to my friends about it, and think about all the ways it could get worse. It was as if I was addicted to the dark outcomes of my problems, and soon I couldn't see - and didn't even want - a way out.

Once I began working my steps, though, I became aware of my negative thinking and I learned the way out. My therapist taught me that I couldn't solve my problems using the same mind that created them. She told me that I had to source deeper and turn to my Higher Power. And sure enough, as soon as I stopped thinking about the problem and started thinking about God, the solutions began to appear.

Today I live in the solution much more than in the problem. Even though I can occasionally still go to the dark side, my program, my sponsor, and my friends in the fellowship are all focused on finding solutions and are quick to help me find the answers I need. I'm also quick to rely on my Higher Power, asking many times each day for inspiration and a new perspectives.

Today I know the answer is not in the problem, the answer is in the solution.

October 21

Quote of the Week

"Worry is a terrible waste of the imagination"

Before recovery, I was addicted to so many things - alcohol, drugs, food, sex - anything that I could use to escape I abused as I sought a way out of the impending doom I always felt. When I entered the program and began putting these vices and distractions down, I found I had been addicted to something else as well - worry.

It took a long time for my emotions to become stable and for my thoughts to become clear, but once they did, I was amazed by how much time and energy I spent worrying. I worried about my health, my job, my relationships, my future and even my past. When I shared this with my sponsor, he explained that worry was caused by excessive self-will and that I hadn't fully surrendered to my Higher Power.

After years of working the steps, turning my will and life over to God, and spending more and more time looking for and trying to follow His will, I find that I worry less and less. Today my mind is focused on what God would have me do and be, and from that place I've learned to take the next indicated action and to turn the results over to Him.

Today I use my imagination to envision my life and world as God would have it be, rather than worry that it might not turn out the way I would have it.

October 28

Quote of the Week

"God doesn't care what you think about Him, only that you think about Him."

I've spend a lot of my life struggling with the concept of God. For many years my God was on a throne judging my thoughts and actions, and I did my best to keep on His good side. When I sinned, I'd try doubly hard to be good again and all the while I was trying to keep track of my good/bad ledger. "If I die tonight, where will I end up?" I thought regularly before going to sleep. By the time I got sober, I was pretty sure where I was going...

In early recovery I was terrified of the thought of turning my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. I was sure God didn't care much for me, and I was afraid that if I abandoned myself to Him then he would exact His just reward. I secretly resented God, and when I finally admitted this to my sponsor, he gave me the solution.

"Talk to God and tell Him exactly how you feel," he suggested. "But I'm really pissed off about a lot of things, and He's not going to like it," I warned him. "Believe me, He's big enough to take whatever you've got," he said. When I finally began an open and honest dialogue with God - telling Him of my anger, resentments, fears and disappointments in Him - that's when my connection and faith in a Higher Power began. And that's when my real recovery began as well.

Today I've learned that God doesn't care what you think about Him, only that you think about Him.

November 5

Quote of the Week

"Act as though until it becomes so"

What a wonderful lesson this was for me to learn early on in recovery. At first I didn't think I could make it through the day or week sober and my sponsor would tell me to "act as if" I were going to make it. He told me to go to meetings, take commitments and to share honestly about what was going on. He also told me not to drink between meetings, and to suit up and show up.

And I did. And soon my actions became reality and I got 60 days, 90 days, then 6 months and a year. It had become so. As my life got better, I began to want other things and other areas of my life to change as well. "Act as if," my sponsor told me again. If I wanted a job in an office, he instructed me to wake up and put on a suit as I looked for work. Soon, I was wearing that suit in the new office I worked in.

As I continue to grow in awareness in recovery, I realize that "acting as though until it becomes so" is one of the great universal spiritual truths of humanity. Books like "The Secret" and others on positive attraction explain why this is, and I know through experience that it is true. Today if I want my reality to change, I simply begin acting as if. It always works.

November 11

Quote of the Week

"God cannot do for you what he cannot do through you."

Before recovery, I had the God thing all mixed up. My conception of God was that if I was good and behaved myself, and then good things would happen for me. When I prayed, I prayed for the things I wanted, and then I waited for God to deliver. Towards the end of my using, I was usually praying to get out of one mess or another, and then promising to be better the next time. It rarely worked.

When I first heard this saying, I was several years in the program and I already understood the power of action. I knew from years of sober experience that I couldn't just pray to have my life get better, but rather I had to add action and right thought to my prayers. The old saying, "When you pray, move your feet" took on a whole new meaning for me, and I became much more efficient and my life starting getting better.

As the years go by and I live even more in the 11th step, I have discovered the deeper wisdom in this quote. Today I now understand and embrace God's will for me which is to be of maximum service to others. In this way, God can do for me what I could never do alone - and that is to heal and enrich both my life and yours.

Today I truly know that God cannot do for you what he cannot do through you.