When I came into recovery, if I talked no one could hear me. They got me talking and they couldn't shut me up.

Even here, when I sometimes feel like I am talking to myself, I can still carry on a conversation. ;) I am talking to you the visitors, not to myself.

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August 15

LOVE

“Love conquers all things.
Let us, too, surrender to love.”
Virgil



Learning to love myself has been one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn. I had to discover my capacity for self-care. I had to listen to the way I talked to myself and to learn to speak in more affirming ways. Learning to smile -- and then laugh -- when I made a mistake helped me to be less self-centered and more able to just have fun.

Life is a great experience when I surrender myself to the love around me. Expressing my love to others increases its quantity and quality inside of me. We all need to know that someone loves us and that we are lovable. Everyone needs to know that they are sufficient. I've discovered that as I give love to others, it is returned to me many times over.

One day at a time...
I will work at expressing unconditional love.


~ YAL

August 16

Twelve Steps ~ Twelve Beautiful Gifts

“Each day provides its own gifts.”
Marcus Aurelius



For each step there is a principle. I believe that with each step I received a gift.

STEP ONE: We admitted we were powerless over food ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.
(I received a silver mirror that revealed reality and truth when I looked into it.)

STEP TWO: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
(I received a stone to put in my pocket. It had the word "hope" engraved on its face and was comforting in my hand when I held it.)

STEP THREE: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
(I received a pair of wings for my soul.)

STEP FOUR: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
(I received a candle to search out my hidden shame.)

STEP FIVE: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
(I received a beautiful note that said, "Welcome to the human race. We are so glad to have you back.")

STEP SIX: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
(I received a dove to put my burdens upon and set it free.)

STEP SEVEN: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
(I received a small box engraved with the words, "I will place my problems here.")

STEP EIGHT: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
(I received a map that led to the future.)

STEP NINE: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
(I received an eraser to correct the mistakes I had made.)

STEP TEN: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
(I received a scale to weigh and balance my actions ~ and to measure my growth.)

STEP ELEVEN: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
(I received a communication device able to span all doubt and prejudice.)

STEP TWELVE: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

One day at a time ...
The fountain I received bubbles eternal hope and new ideas. I will daily sooth my soul with gratitude.

~ Judy

August 17

TRUST

" 'Come to the edge',"he said.
They said, 'We are afraid.'
'Come to the edge,' he said.
They came. He pushed them.
....and they flew."
Guillaume Apollinaire



Whenever things look bleak I remember how dark and dismal my life was before my Higher Power led me to this Twelve Step program. Before program I was afraid to reach for recovery. I was afraid to try to be an over-comer and I was afraid to come to the edge. But slowly I inched my way over to that edge and my Higher Power gave me a gentle nudge. I was flying! I wasn't chained by my disease anymore. I wasn't trapped in the darkness. I'd come into the light. That day I received a gift from my Higher Power ... I received a taste of recovery.

One day at a time ...
I come to the edge and trust my
Higher Power to give me wings to fly.

~ Jeff R.

August 18

FEAR

“Some of your griefs you have cured
And the sharpest you still have survived ~
But what torments of pain you endured
From evils that never arrived.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson




As a compulsive overeater I have lived my life in fear. I feared the apparent cruelty of the surrounding world. I feared to challenge the unknown and chose instead to seek safety in familiar "surroundings." I was afraid to have ambition and dreams.

My whole life I've battled an increasing waistline. I realized that I was stagnate in a world of pain and darkness because my fears of responsibility as a "slim" person sabotaged my efforts to lose weight.

I’ve learned that worrying about a situation doesn't change the outcome! My fears simply prevented me from moving forward. They clouded the real issues and hid the answers to my problems. Instead of expending so much energy into worrying and fearing an event, I could put it to much better use by dealing with the present realities in my life.

Surviving a situation provides added armor for the next battle. Overcoming a fearful predicament puts confidence in my stride towards my next goal. Faith is the opposite of fear. Having faith in my choices, abilities and ambitions will provide the steadfast pathway ahead.

One Day at a Time . . .
I try to remember that fear and worry only serve to chain me to the present. Faith can break the shackles and enable me to walk on to where I was heading.

~ Nancy

August 19

ANGER

“Anger is only one letter short of danger.”
Eleanor Roosevelt



Before I began to work the program anger was a dangerous emotion for me. Anger was my excuse to react negatively without thinking. I let anger cause me to judge others, say or do hurtful things, turn away from my Higher Power, and to overeat.

I came to realize that I felt angry even when there were other emotions brewing on a deeper level. I felt angry when I was actually feeling afraid, embarrassed, hurt, tired, forgetful, or stressed out. As I work the Twelve Steps, I welcome my Higher Power's guidance in feeling my true feelings; in accepting myself and the situations in my life; in acting on life -- rather than reacting; and in having the compassion to understand myself and others. By doing this I no longer fear anger and I no longer find it a danger in my life.

Turning to my Higher Power, I use the Serenity Prayer and the Twelve Steps to process anger in healthy ways. When I feel angry at myself, I give myself a break! I treat myself with kindness, acceptance and forgiveness.

One Day at a Time . . .
When I feel angry, I wait before I act.

~ Lynne

August 20

AMENDS

“If you have behaved badly, repent;
make what amends you can and address yourself to the task
of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your
wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best
way of getting clean.”

Aldous Huxley



I grew up with high expectations of perfection and a constant feeling of failure. I seldom recognized truly bad behavior in myself, but instead I apologized for the things I had taken on as my responsibility that were not under my control. I apologized when the weather spoiled plans. I apologized for an adult family member’s poor behavior. I felt intense shame when I accidentally slipped and fell, sure that I'd embarrassed the people with me. Yet I was oblivious to how I snapped at people simply because I was in a HALTS (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Sick) place. My temper was quick to rise and explode, but I always told myself I had a “good” excuse or cause.

On the other hand, I could feel so mortified over my behavior that it haunted me night and day for weeks, and even months, after the incident; long after any witness could recall it. Years later a phrase would bring the memory back to the forefront and shame me all over again as though it had happened mere minutes before.

I couldn’t seem to find a truthful middle ground until I began working the Twelve Steps. In studying the Steps I learned how to uncover and acknowledge the wrongs for which I am sincerely responsible, how to make proper amends, and how to let go and move on.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will remember that I am responsible only for my own behavior and actions. With the help of my Higher Power, I will acknowledge my wrongdoings quickly and make loving amends.

~ Rhonda H.

August 21

~ I AM ~

"I yam what I yam."

Popeye, the Sailor Man



When did I start believing that being myself was bad? Was it the first time I did something 'wrong' in the eyes of an adult? Do I remember the day I went from being a bright-eyed child to a shadow of a being? Whenever it occurred, as time progressed, I began to trust that being myself was somehow shameful.

It's hardly a wonder that I turned to food and other addictions. After all, food never spoke badly of me, yet it did darken my spirit. Every compulsive bite dampened my light.

Thank God for this program! It has taught me that those people of my past, however well-meaning, were wrong. Being me is good. In fact, it's better than good. It's wonderful! Without me, this world would be a little darker, a little more lost. That is why I am here, why God created me, to be a light for the world.

One Day at a Time . . .
I realize that it is through God and this fellowship that I am able to shine.

~Debbie~

August 22

PREPARING

"Failing to prepare is preparing to fail."
John Wooden


Every morning I make a decision. I decide to prepare for a day of recovery, or I decide to not prepare for a day of recovery. It comes as no surprise that on the days I prepare I do better.

I have to take responsibility for my decisions, even my indecision. If I do nothing to help myself today, I have no one to blame but myself. If nothing else, I can take five minutes in the morning to invite my Higher Power into my life.

One day at a time...
I will prepare for a good day today. I will take responsibility for my recovery.


~ Q

Like the post for August 21, it has been 23 years of living one day at a time. It isn't my thoughts, it may be my interpretation of what I heard, it may be my perception of what I heard, and I have been known to bend things a little bit so they fit me. It is the people in the many meetings that I went to, the people I have shared with, and having a little talk to my God, often several times a day.

You are one of those special people my friend, thanks for being a part of my recovery. I am glad that we share the same recovery date.

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MJ,

I'm glad that we share the same date!! I don't think I knew that before now. This recovery journey has definitely been an adventure!! Thanks for being here.


August 23

FAILURE

“Accept that all of us can be hurt,
that all of us can – and surely will at times – fail.
Other vulnerabilities, like being embarrassed
or risking love, can be terrifying, too.”
Dr. Joyce Brothers


The prospect of failing ~ or worse yet, “ Being A Failure” ~ was a crippling monster which held me in its cold and unforgiving stranglehold. If I thought I could not do a thing perfectly, I would not do it at all. If I didn’t know the “Right” way to act or to be, I was paralyzed. One day my therapist shocked me by suggesting I make a mistake on purpose. She wanted me to practice giving myself permission to make mistakes and to survive the experience.

I vividly recall intentionally dropping a gum wrapper on the ground and leaving it there. The Fearful Perfectionist inside of me screamed, “Pick it up! You never litter! This is wrong!” Yet I also heard a whisper welling up from within: “It will be alright. Just let it go.”

As part of my Recovery, I am exploring with brutal honesty the mistakes I’ve made in my life: the ways and the people that I’ve failed. Though doing so is embarrassing, humbling, and frightening, I am surprised to find a budding sense of relief. My attempts to avoid Failure never made me Perfect; rather, they caused me to be more entrenched in my pride, insecurities, fears, and stunted growth. A young girl I know is an expert skater. I asked her how she learned, and her answer stopped me in my tracks: “Mostly by falling down.”

One day at a time...
I will practice accepting my failures as necessary steps towards my healing. I will remember that the word “practice” honors the fact that we gain our progress by making attempts, failing, and learning from our mistakes.


~ Lisa V.

August 24

~ HAPPINESS ~

The greatest happiness you can have
is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness.

William Saroyan



How many times during my life have I said that all I want is "just to be happy." We are told early on that our legacy is "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Did you notice that our forefathers used the word "pursuit?" How very wise they were.

Happiness is not automatic. Life is difficult and it's supposed to be that way. If we expect happiness and we expect life to be easy, at some point in time we are going to be very disappointed. I thought eating food made me happy and it did ... for a short time. There were other temporary compulsions in my life that made me think I was happy ~ but again for only a short time.

As I began to work the Steps, I began to desire something other than happiness. I found myself yearning for serenity ... and I found it. The way I found it was by not expecting the world and everyone in it to make me happy. I learned that life was more of an adventure than a bowl of cherries. I learned that the more I expected from people, places and things, the more disappointed I was ... and the more disappointed I became, the less happy I was.


One Day at a Time . . .
I will not require happiness. But when I least expect it .... happiness will find me.

~ Mari ~

August 25

~ Patience ~

There is no fruit which is not bitter
before it is ripe.

Publilius Syrus



There are some things in life you simply cannot rush. In the early stages of my disease, I went through life like a steam roller ... impatiently starting one project after another. If there was something in my life that depended on the actions of another for resolution, it was excruciating while waiting on the decision. As a result, sometimes decisions were forced. I have made many bad decisions because of lack of patience.


I have learned that sometimes we have to turn decisions over to others ... we have to let go and let others take control. We must wait it out and hope that our decision to let go was a good one. Many times it is. Sometimes it isn't.


I have become a very patient person ... and sometimes that is to my detriment. It can be hard to find a middle ground in the decision making process. Snap decisions aren't good. Neither are those we sit on forever.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will patiently wait on my Higher Power
to direct me ... to guide me ...
and to help me with the decisions I must make.

~ Mari ~

August 26

LOVE

"When you love you should not say,
"God is in my heart," but rather,
"I am in the heart of God."
Kahlil Gibran




What is love? And what does it mean to love myself? I’ve found from my experience that it is easier to describe what love is not. Through many failures -- and with my Higher Power’s help -- I have discovered that to love myself means choosing to not hurt myself by overeating. Self-love means choosing to no longer ignore my inner-child who sometimes screams to be heard and must have a tantrum to get my attention. Self-love means not isolating or allowing the hurtful, grieving, angry, fearful thoughts to possess my mind to the degree that the disease overtakes any sanity I may have. This list could go on -- focusing on the failures and the negative -- but my Higher Power has given me the desire, strength and power to feel, express and give love. Our Higher Power offers the freedom and joy of self-love to each of us who are willing to receive and practice it.

The more I am able to receive the love of others, the more I am able to love myself. And conversely, the more I love myself, the more I am able to receive love from others. As I work this Twelve Step program to the best of my ability each 24 hours, I am shown love through meetings, my sponsor, meditating, journaling, spending time with my Higher Power, and sharing my experience, strength and hope with another person. Some days, “the best of my ability” may be to just get out of bed and say the Third Step prayer. Other days, “the best of my ability” will seem like I'm working the program close to perfection. Regardless of my ability on any particular day, I’ve found that love can be gleaned from each day.

As the quote above states, "I am in the heart of God." I experience this when I am willing to surrender daily to the will of my Higher Power and to be completely and absolutely surrounded and protected by the heart of God.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will seek to see love in as many moments as possible by looking to my Higher Power and then reaching out to others.

~ Ohitika

August 27

PERFECTION

“People throw away what they could have
by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have,
and looking for it where they will never find it.”

Edith Schaeffer



Time and time again I have felt like I was suspended from two ropes, being flogged for my imperfections. The tragic fact of that vision was that I was the person wielding the whip!

Before my heart and mind were opened by the Twelve Steps and Traditions, I sought perfection in everything I attempted. A simple letter would be written and rewritten until I was satisfied that perfection had been achieved and the letter could be sent. Frequently the goal was not reached and I would abandon the project in frustration and bitter disappointment with myself. Events that I organized had to be executed with the utmost precision. If, God forbid, a mistake was made, I would berate myself for days until sheer mental and emotional exhaustion prevailed.


Ironically, I never sought perfection in others and accepted that it was okay for them to be human. However, seeking perfection from myself became an obsession tangled with the search for self-acceptance. Needless to say, a rainbow cannot be seen through closed eyes, and I never found that which I sought. Through the teachings of the Twelve Steps I have come to appreciate that the beauty within myself is that I am not perfect. I can grow through my mistakes, and in my imperfections I can find serenity and release from the struggle.

One Day at a Time ...
I will accept that I am perfectly imperfect.

~ Sue G.