December 16

You Cannot Control the Future

Interest rates fluctuate, the stock market zigzags, corporations go under while small businesses blossom. If we act reasonably and realize our limitations, we can at least enjoy the present. If we become preoccupied with the future, we enjoy neither. This is especially important in recovery, where we must shed the delusion of control. We may realize there is no control over chemicals, but retain the delusion we can control our economic future. This is why we must decide to Let go and let God. If we are unable to make this determination, we can ask for help to do so.

December 17

You Are A Beautiful Person

Thinking positively about ourselves is not always easy. Since addiction is a disease, an addict is really a person with a disease. It is the disease that has given rise to most character defects. The inability to say, I am a beautiful person with the disease may betray a lack of conviction in the disease concept of addiction, and a moralistic attitude that an addict is a bad person. It is important to recognize addiction as a disease, and when we are free of the disease, our inherent goodness will be revealed. Knowing in recovery we will be worthy, deserving, and lovable gives us strength and courage to recover.

December 18

Don't Use Others as an Excuse

We should not measure ourselves by others. If we measured ourselves by what we could be, we might discover we are performing far below our optimum. But since we may not be able to see this, it is wise to keep our ears open and be receptive to critical observations from others. In fact, we are wise to invite critique, since even early addictive chemical use can make us oblivious to our relative dysfunction. One woman said, Maybe I wasn't as sick as others, but I was as sick as I wanted to be. That is a constructive observation.

December 19

How We Become What We Despise

We frequently hear, I was repulsed by my father's or mother's drinking. I swore I would never become like that. Or the doctor who saw deteriorated drunks who would go into the DTs, and swore that would never happen to them. Yet these people relate how they went on to become what had been so abhorrent to them. If we know we have the potential for insanity, and we wish to avoid disastrous consequences, we designate friends to be on the alert. This transpires in the recovery fellowship, where a sponsor or friends can look for signs of irrationality, and prevent self-destructive behavior.

December 20

Let the Miracle of Sobriety Occur

Sobriety may sometimes come from a breakthrough. People have within them a core of dignity and self-respect, but in some people this core is buried deep, covered by various happenings in life. Without a sense of dignity, we may behave in a way that is unbecoming. Like lava that slowly works its way to the earth's surface, the dignity that lies at the core of a human being pushes its way up until one day it breaks through. Out of nowhere, we feel I am too good for this. I have no right to be anything less than I can be. The miracle of sobriety can then occur.

December 21

The Danger of Seeking Scapegoats

The purpose of self-help groups and treatment for children of addicted parents is not to place blame, but to learn effective coping techniques, and find ways to eliminate character defects or emotional hang-ups that may have resulted. Some misinterpret this concept and look for scapegoats. They may even create dysfunction where none existed. Refusal to recognize your background as dysfunctional may obstruct recovery. On the other hand, scapegoating your parents as responsible for all your problems in order to justify your behavior instead of modifying it is equally unhealthy.

December 22

Inflexible Opinions Can Drive People Away

Other people have as much right to their opinions as we have to our own. Since humans are neither omniscient nor perfect, we should be amenable to modifying the way we think. Since we are not always right, others may be right. Obstinate insistence on getting our own way will drive people toward others who are more accommodating, and the resulting isolation and loneliness will be costly. We need not change colors like a chameleon, but neither should we be rigid and inflexible in our opinions.

December 23

Beware of the Mind's Distortions

We dream of an ice-cream wagon with clanging bells. After we are aroused, we realize the ringing we heard in the dream was in reality the alarm. That is the incomparable efficiency of our mind when it tries to protect us from disturbance, even at the cost of distorting reality. The mind is probably more efficient when awake. If our waking minds succeed in making us oblivious to reality, it may be even more to our detriment. Touching base with others and having an open mind to their observations can help us avoid the pitfalls of good intentions by our greatest of all enabler -- our own mind.

December 24

Envy Makes Us Ugly

Few feelings are as sick as envy. A man was having difficulty finding a parking space. In a space designated for the handicapped sat a car with a handicapped license plate, whereupon the man remarked, Lucky son-of-a-gun! Lucky? Would that handicapped person not have preferred to park four blocks away if only he were able to walk that distance? We sometimes envy people, but in the final analysis, to want what someone else has must be an intense and irrational emotion if it causes us to be envious of a handicapped person. Emotions that can be as bizarre as that are best gotten rid of.

December 25

Sober Celebration

A doctor in his fifth year of sobriety said, When I found out I couldn't drink anymore, it was a sense of relief. I don't have to fight that battle anymore. It's how you look at it. You can resent it, or you can breathe a sigh of relief. Think how much energy you can save, how your mind can be free of worry. There's no need to try to control the uncontrollable, or to cover up, or manufacture excuses. What good is a holiday celebration if you can't remember it? Don't consider yourself deprived if you are unable to drink the way others do. You can have a happy holiday and remember it.

December 26

God Finds Us In Many Ways

A gentleman in treatment refused to attend required in-house AA meetings, insisting that coercing him to participate in a religious program was a violation of his constitutional rights. During his third week, he decided to join an ongoing meeting because he realized, Whoever it is looking after the beautiful trees outside is certainly doing a helluva better job than I am. Turning our life over to the will of the God that maintains the universe is far safer than following the dictates of human volition, which are often closer to brute passion than to human will.

December 27

Prayer Cannot Be Self-Centered

Many with years of recovery describe how their prayers evolved as sobriety increased in quality. Initially, prayer was bargaining: I'll be good, God, if You will do thus and so for me. When these requests were not satisfied, God had not kept His side of the bargain, and they were released from obligations. It was not until later that their prayer turned into Help me to do what is right. Mature prayer occurs when we yield our desires and turn our will over to God. A loyal soldier who goes out on a mission does so in obedience to his commander, whose wishes may be different than his own.

December 28

Give Yourself a Break

If we desire success, we must provide a conducive environment. It has been said, If you have found that opportunity hasn't knocked, perhaps you had better build a door. A recovering alcoholic related that after he lost his job as chief executive officer owing to his drinking, he would sit in the bar drinking, expecting that at any moment a headhunter would walk through the door to recruit him. There is at least the possibility that if he were sober and productive, opportunity might knock. Using chemicals deters opportunity, but even in abstinence, we must behave in ways that provide that door.

December 29

Silent Approval

As precious as silence is, failure to speak up is often taken as approval. Families and friends of people who abuse chemicals often keep their silence, sometimes for fear that saying something will aggravate the situation, provoke the person, or rupture the relationship. They are not aware that failure to speak up is interpreted by the addict as tacit approval. The addict may be provoked and may not change, but voicing your disapproval is one of the ingredients necessary to tip the scale in favor of sobriety. We do not have to be an outspoken advocate. But silence in the face of injustice is wrongful behavior.

December 30

Improvement Is Always in Order

The Twelve Steps of recovery are similar to an escalator in that the highest step soon becomes the lowest step, as the conveyor follows a cyclical movement. When we reach the Twelfth Step of recovery, we should go back to the First Step. We are now approaching December 31 -- 365 days of improvement on our character defects. We can go back to character traits that had been improved upon and see how they now need refinement to bring them into line with our new level of spirituality. How wonderful that spiritual growth does not have an endpoint. As long as we live, we have a goal toward which to strive.