Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2019
 

January 7

Quote of the Week

"Humility is not thinking less about yourself, but rather thinking about yourself less."

I used to look down on people who were humble. They won’t ever get anywhere, I used to think. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and if I wanted to succeed I had to be aggressive and take the things I wanted. When I combined alcohol with this attitude, my ego exploded, and my thirst for both success and drink was insatiable. Soon I was a pariah, shunned even by some of my closest friends.

In the program, while I was recovering from my disease, I heard a lot about humility. Rather than be open to the concept, my ego rebelled at the thought of it. I can still remember arguing about it with my sponsor. “If I’m humble, I’ll be a nothing. People will take advantage of me, and I’ll never get ahead,” I whined. And that’s when he defined it, according to the program. He told me, “Humility isn’t thinking less about yourself, but rather it’s thinking about yourself less.” That was an aha moment for me.​​​​​​​

The truth beneath this explanation has deepened for me over the years. What I have discovered is that I am much happier, have more freedom, and am more peaceful when I am thinking less about myself. In fact, the more focused on others I become, the more serenity I have. Today, whenever I find that I am anxious or upset, chances are I’m thinking too much about myself. The solution is simple: I seek humility by looking for ways to be of service. When I do, serenity returns to my life.

January 14

Quote of the Week

“We’re responsible for the effort, not the outcome.”

When I got sober, I didn’t know how I was ever going to fix everything in my life. All the relationships I had ruined, all the bridges to jobs and opportunities I had burned, there didn’t seem anyway I could control and manipulate everything back into place. How was I going to get all the people I had stolen from to forgive me? How was I going to get healthy after all the abuse I’d inflicted on myself? How was I going to get my family to trust me again? I didn’t think I could pull it off.

Luckily, my sponsor assured me that I didn’t have to. In fact, he told me I could never be responsible for other people’s attitudes and reactions to me. That wasn’t my job. Instead, he told me my job was to stay sober, clean house, and take the next indicated action. In doing my Ninth Step, he told me I was responsible for admitting my faults, and making sincere amends. Whether or not someone forgave me wasn’t up to me. I was responsible for the effort, not the outcome.
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Learning to let go of outcomes wasn’t easy for me. After a lifetime of trying to arrange life – including your reactions and opinions – to suit myself, simply taking the right actions and leaving the results up to God seemed impossible. But the miracle is that every time I follow God’s will and not my own, wondrous and unexpected outcomes flow into my and other people’s lives. Plus, now that I know I’m not responsible for all the outcomes in the world, I’m free to live a life that can be happy, joyous, and even free.

January 21

This guest post was submitted by Terri V.:

Quote of the Week

“If you want what YOU have, keep doing what YOU'RE doing. If you want what WE have, then do what WE do.”

This resonated with me when I first heard it. Truth was, I didn't want what I had. Constant darkness and doom and gloom. My life (in my eyes) was over. I was simply living to only to exist. Each day was just another horrendous day to endure. I had tried every imaginable method to change the way I was living. Doctors, treatment, spiritual books, church, change jobs, change men etc. The list could go on and on. It was only when I finally became willing, through the gift of surrender, to live another way that things began to change for me.

I heard a speaker at my first meeting share that she was celebrating one year of continuous sobriety and she said before closing... If you want you have, keep doing what you're doing. If you want what we have, then do what we do. I thought: I want what she has. In her story she shared about being genuinely happy, and how she had a relationship with her children, how she was employable etc... I had none of those things at the end.

Today, I am genuinely happy; I have a relationship with my daughter and son (an amazing one at that), I am employable, and I have a host of friends both in and out of the rooms. I also sponsor other women, and I have THE most wonderful relationship with a God I never knew could exist for a girl like me.

Thank you for my sobriety and thank you for my life.

January 28

This guest post was submitted by Jeff H.:

Quote of the Week

"Nothing Changes, if Nothing changes"

Like most slogans or other things people repeated so terribly often when I first arrived into the rooms of A.A., I thought this was meaningless. I came in to the rooms in January 1999 and was certain I was not quite as bad as the rest of you. I bought and read the book, "working" the Steps as I went (well, those that seemed applicable). It was a breeze! I didn't need help from someone else reading the book, thank you very much. Sobriety didn't stick the first time and I attributed this to that pesky second half of Step One. I did not consider my life to be unmanageable. After all, I only came in because my wife had a problem with my drinking!

In July 1999, I began again with a renewed conviction that I was alcoholic AND my life was unmanageable. I still did not find it necessary to get a sponsor for quite a while, but I felt pressured by my fellows to get one, so finally I did. I did not, however, call him or inform him that I had not done the Steps with someone else. My life went on like before, with the exception that I was not drinking. I even took a few commitments here and there and was willing to do Twelve Step work. Strangely, no one approached me to be their sponsor!

Seven years passed and my life spiraled further down to new and more humiliating lows. Finally, I crashed without ever picking up a drink! I was brought to my knees and humbled like never before. It was right then that I became willing to go to any length to change. I got a sponsor, worked the Steps, got into service work, and joined the Fellowship. I soon learned there were only three things I must be; honest, open-minded, and willing. There are also only three things I must do; Unity (fellowship), Service (even beyond the fellowship), and Recovery (living the Steps on a daily basis). I had found the true meaning behind this valuable saying!

February 4

This guest post was submitted by Samantha S.:

Quote of the Week

"This Too Shall Pass."

(This quote is my most favorite and least favorite quote that I have come to appreciate in A.A.)

When I came into the halls, I never realized how appropriate that quote would come to be. I thought that I would just come to A.A. and all would be well. Unfortunately, that is not how it has worked. I am pretty sure we all learn this lesson the hard way...

Before I walked into the halls, my life was disaster and chaos. Most, if not all, of the chaos was of my own making. I wasn't living, I was simply surviving through my existence. Anytime anything good came along or made me happy I would ruin it waiting for the other shoe to drop. Once I made it to A.A., this phrase was repeated with a knowing smile many times during the first few months of my chaos. Goodness, how I wanted to punch anyone and everyone who let this phrase slip from their lips.

A year into my sobriety I was with someone who passed away from an overdose. The pain that caused was immense but as my friends who had become family took care of me, they all kept repeating, "This too shall pass," like it was some magical thing that would make everything better. Little did I realize how true that saying was at the time. The pain did pass, and I threw myself into the program and went through the Steps on more than one occasion. I delved into parts of my past and present that I didn't want to look at. This helped me to recover and, more importantly, helped me to forgive. I forgave my partner, myself, and my Higher Power.

Now, after a few years of ups and downs, chaos and calm, and life being life, I have come to appreciate this phrase. I have come to understand that the bad things will pass in time as long as I continue to do the next right thing. The bad things are needed for this path that I am on and are an important part of my story. I have also come to accept that the good things shall pass too. This makes me hang on to those tender moments like my life depended on it. I no longer fear being happy all the time, I simply try to live in the day and appreciate the moments for all they are.

February 11

Quote of the Week

“Keep Coming Back—To The Same Places”

In the beginning of sobriety and even before finishing the Twelve Steps with my sponsor, I knew I had to pass on what had been so freely given. It took 25 years of drinking and plenty of wreckage, pain and misery to finally come to A.A. and surrender to the solutions offered. So early on, I sponsored a woman from a wonderful recovery home and when she left the recovery home she gradually backed away and eventually disappeared, not returning phone calls. As I was traveling to work one morning, I saw her wandering at the corner of a busy intersection where I could not safely stop or turn around. My heart broke.

It was suggested to me by my sponsor to go to a minimum of so many committed meetings each week and to keep coming back to the same general meetings. In doing so, I found friends and a fellowship grew up around me just as promised. One morning I was at one of my regular meetings and the woman I had tried to help long ago walked in. She tearfully looked at me and said, “I knew you’d be here.” From that day, she and I have continued to work together and she is now sober 15 years.

“Keep coming back” is no joke to recovering alcoholics and miracles can happen if you are committed to the same general meetings. I am undisciplined and desperately need A.A. to continue to show me how to live and to be available to newcomers. Someone was there for me when I needed them, and I need to be there for that “someone” as well. And today, I am.

February 18

This guest post was submitted by Jeannie H.:

Quote of the Week

“Drinking doesn’t enhance the quality of my life.”

I was 23 and newly sober. I was working the program and also seeing an alcohol counselor to whom I’d been referred by probation.

One day I was explaining to him how awkward I feel when I’m out in a social situation where drinking is central to the activity. Everyone my age is drinking and I’m not. I’m offered drinks and I respond that I’d love a soda. Often I got push-back, such as “you want a REAL drink, don’t you?”

I didn’t want to say I was an alcoholic. My counselor said, “try this: just say ‘alcohol doesn’t enhance the quality of my life.” I laughed and said, “ok! I’ll try it!” So I did. People looked at me quizzically, but definitely backed off, letting me off the hook. It was a brilliant response that I still occasionally use today, 40 years later!

February 25

This guest post was submitted by Brian P.:

Quote of the Week

“You Have To Be In It To Win It.”

I came to my first A.A. meeting hoping to learn a few tips on how to
moderate my drinking. After about 20 minutes I realized we were talking
complete abstinence— nothing else. I had tried abstinence many times,
and failed, and yet after that first meeting the compulsive desire to drink
all day and every day just vanished. So I started attending meetings regularly, and amazingly found I had stopped drinking alcohol, just like that.

After 6 months, I decided that A.A. really worked, I was now cured, and I could stop with the meetings. They took up so much time! And I drank again. It was the meetings and the fellowship and the program that were keeping me sober, and yet I gave them up. So I came back, but did the same thing four more times. I acquired five 6-month medallions. After those three years, I understood that addiction is a permanent condition, and needs permanent therapy to be kept at bay. And yet—after another ten years I was cured again, this time for real, I said. Finally, no more need to go to meetings or work the Steps. And I drank again...

Fifteen years after my first meeting I took what I hope was my last drink,
25 years ago. I must have needed 15 years to understand Step One. I now
understand that the meetings and fellowship and the program are not an option, not a quick fix, but a permanent and necessary answer to a permanent disability. I have tried to avoid working the program for the rest of my life but have learned that I have no choice.

March 4

This guest post was submitted by DBH.:

Quote of the Week

“Gratitude: The Happiness Medicine.”

Gratitude is a feeling of grateful contentment that overrides need. Ever notice that when we concentrate on getting something we think we want, we spend a lot of time and energy pursuing that goal to the exclusion of other things? One can believe deeply in God, but lose connection because we don’t listen, instead we willfully strive.

That’s a pretty extreme example of allowing need to supersede what is really important. I struggle to explain gratitude because it is so easy to overlook. It’s more than politely thanking people (although more of that helps everyone) it’s more like a deep-seated balance to realize the good things in every life. It isn’t Pollyanna optimism or blind positivism; it’s a sincere realization that life is rarely as bad as our worry, or as good as our dreams.

Instead, gratitude is realizing all the inexplicably wonderful things we never thought would happen to us as well as those things we didn’t much care for. It is in this balance that we realize how very lucky we really are for all life offers us each and every day.

March 11

This guest post was submitted by Amy:

Quote of the Week

“Don’t leave before the Miracle Happens.”

I hardly knew what this meant when I first came into the rooms in 1987 in Pacific Palisades, CA. What miracles and why would they happen to me? When I saw people leave A.A. and I got to stay, I started to realize that those of us in the rooms were all miracles.

After sticking around for a while, I saw and heard amazing stories that sounded like miracles to me. That’s when I knew they could happen to me too. I started feeling comfortable for the first time in a long time. And I began to live without guilt. That was huge.

Thirty-one years later, I still rely on that quote. I’ve been struggling with moving and where to move and I don’t have clarity yet. After all these years, I feel like I should always know what to do and I really don’t. I’m feeling impatient but I also know that if I can be still, one day I will wake up and know exactly what to do and where to go. That will seem like a miracle to me…

March 18

This guest post was submitted by Joann B:

Quote of the Week

“My Sponsor, My Steps and Me.”

At my first meeting, I thought, what am I doing here? I really don’t belong....everyone seemed so happy, and I sat there filled with fear, anxiety and not a clue who I was. And I wasn’t even sure I really was an alcoholic. But I continued to go to meetings, surrendered my drinking to Higher Power each day, and the desire to drink was lifted. It was not easy, but I tried to do what was suggested... Then a marvelous thing happened—I did not think so at the time—the woman who brought me to the meetings told me, if I wanted, she would help me learn the program and always be available to me (and she was)..of course I said YES...because I did not want to be rude or ungrateful!!!

A few meetings later, she suggested that I look for a sponsor—women with the women—so I told her she would be my sponsor...and for that I am ever grateful. She was always there for me, and I learned trust her and share with her.my fears my anxieties—everything. She gave me suggestions how not to drink a day at a time, apply slogans to my life, make meetings, join a home group, and give service to my home group. What super suggestions and I stayed sober...and then we begin to meet regularly to study, work the Steps, all Twelve—no pick and choosing—they were in order are in order for a reason. I had to learn to apply them to me. What a great gift ... I had a sponsor and began to put the Twelve Steps in my life.

Two things for which I am forever grateful: my sponsor and how to look at myself through the Twelve Steps and apply them to my life. It was not easy but so worth it..

Many years later, I am so grateful to my Higher Power for that sponsor and for helping me learn how to work the program as best I can each day. Through practicing the Twelve Steps, I have changed and grown and thus try to share with others what was so freely given to me. I heard a long time ago a Sponsor is a gift you give to yourself—today I truly believe that, and the Steps are principles by which I live today. Great to be happy, joyous and free... I thank God each day for my sobriety. and that A.A. is my way of living today.

March 25

This guest post was submitted by Jeff H:

Quote of the Week

"Nothing Changes, if Nothing changes"

Like most slogans or other things people repeated so terribly often when I first arrived into the rooms of A.A., I thought this was meaningless. I came in to the rooms in January 1999 and was certain I was not quite as bad as the rest of you. I bought and read the book, "working" the Steps as I went (well, those that seemed applicable). It was a breeze! I didn't need help from someone else reading the book, thank you very much. Sobriety didn't stick the first time and I attributed this to that pesky second half of Step One. I did not consider my life to be unmanageable. After all, I only came in because my wife had a problem with my drinking!

In July 1999, I began again with a renewed conviction that I was alcoholic AND my life was unmanageable. I still did not find it necessary to get a sponsor for quite a while, but I felt pressured by my fellows to get one, so finally I did. I did not, however, call him or inform him that I had not done the Steps with someone else. My life went on like before, with the exception that I was not drinking. I even took a few commitments here and there and was willing to do Twelve Step work. Strangely, no one approached me to be their sponsor!

Seven years passed and my life spiraled further down to new and more humiliating lows. Finally, I crashed without ever picking up a drink! I was brought to my knees and humbled like never before. It was right then that I became willing to go to any length to change. I got a sponsor, worked the Steps, got into service work, and joined the Fellowship. I soon learned there were only three things I must be; honest, open-minded, and willing. There are also only three things I must do; Unity (fellowship), Service (even beyond the fellowship), and Recovery (living the Steps on a daily basis). I had found the true meaning behind this valuable saying!

April 1

This guest post was submitted by Kit G:

Quote of the Week

“When a man or woman has had a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel and believe that which he could not do so before on his unaided strength and resources alone. He has been granted a gift…he has been transformed…” --Twelve and Twelve, page 107.

How different my day started today in comparison to yesterday. My husband called me shortly after leaving for work this morning. While walking to the school where he teaches, he looked up and was awed by the setting moon. This from a man who never stops to smell the roses!! “Walk outside,” he says to me, “look toward the pond, the moon is the most beautiful I have ever seen. I just wanted to share that with you.”

My life became lonely and miserable when I lived in a bottle of vodka, no room for the beautiful, the unexpected. Now sober, I take time to pause and open myself to the wonders all around me, I am in awe. My husband gave me that opportunity today.

How, then, can I harbor any doubt that there exists a Power Greater than me? This universe is full of marvelous happenings. By observing the miracles is nature, the imponderable, I get a sense, just barely, of the mystery and majesty of creation and the Force behind it. So, I think this morning my eyes watched the beauty of a harvest moon lighting the western sky just as the sun was beginning to make its appearance in the east. I smelled the scent of pine trees behind my apartment—musty, yet sweet. I could hear the traffic in the distance as the city began to stir to life for another day. I could feel the softness of my dog’s fur as I petted her, watching and listening to all this unfold before me, and tasted that first cup of coffee for the day…savoring it all the more. I am profoundly grateful this day that, with God’s grace, I am sober.

April 8

This guest post was submitted by Yolanda R:

Quote of the Week

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.”

I had tried time and time again to get sober. Even getting five years clean time only to relapse again. The Big book states, "rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path..." I took that to mean I could be an exception. So if I do everything they tell me to do and I still get high, I will be that rare exception.

I finally prayed before I got a sponsor. I looked at a woman that was my total opposite. I was afraid she would say no because she had seen me struggle in and out of the rooms for years. I began following her path. I got my books, pen and paper. I bought and used the dictionary to improve my understanding. I did the reading assignments my sponsor gave me. I went to meetings as she suggested, and I made sure I attended meetings with my sponsor. I followed her suggestions thoroughly. I relapsed once, early on, and I called her immediately. She said don't beat up on myself. That was September 3, 2010.

Today, I'm still following her path, still going to meetings with my sponsor. She taught me to work the program like she was taught to work the program. Practice, practice, practice. She's taken me to meetings, area and world conventions. I've gotten input on my recovery from people which influenced her recovery. She is still my sponsor today, and I still call her at least once a week because this program works. I'm grateful the book challenged me. I'm grateful that sponsor that is my total opposite was up to the challenge. Grateful!

April 15

This guest post was submitted by Lillian K:

Quote of the Week

“Just ‘til Bedtime!”

It took me many years to realize that once I took my first drink, I started losing control of my actions. My alcoholic behavior was outlandish from the start. As time went on it became shameful. I was never able to stop drinking after my first drink. It eventually became clear that I had to quit drinking altogether.

A friend who was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous offered to take me to an A.A. meeting. I was warmed by the welcome and friendliness of the members. I became determined to follow the Twelve Step program. I found it difficult, however, to relate to some of the slogans. One Day at a Time still felt like forever and was meaningless to me.

I didn’t believe that it was possible for me to stay sober forever. I shared this with an old-timer and was told to stop worrying because I only had to stay sober till bedtime! So simple and so real! I am now 80 years old and just celebrated my 37th AA birthday. At my age these three words have taken on a richer meaning. I now plan and live my life Just ‘til Bedtime. I keep a positive attitude and I keep God, my Higher Power, in my heart and in my spirit. I can handle life Just ‘til Bedtime!