More Recovery Readings - October
 

October 1

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Perhaps nature is our best assurance of immortality. --Eleanor Roosevelt
Everything in nature contributes to something else--like the hundred-year-old tree that stood tall until a wind storm. The protection it gave to thousands of birds and squirrels it now gives to insects and fungi. As it slowly decays, it nourishes the ground, and from the enriched soil grow several other trees. We human beings are part of this eternal cycle, our ideas and actions enriching those around us and influencing generations yet to come. Being part of this vast plan gives us comfort, and faith that everything that happens is meant to be. Our hearts fill with joy with the knowledge that we are needed; just as every tree is needed.
How do I fit into nature's plan today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It was football time, apple time, harvest time, hunting time, and school time. Footsteps quickened. It was exciting to be in transition. It seemed more like the beginning of something than like the end of it. --Paul Gruchow
Some days seem filled with the exciting energy of change. They are like walking on a bridge from one time period to the next. In the fall, our senses are filled with messages of change. Trees tell us it is happening. So do football games, and the cool chill in the morning air.
As summer wanes and winter approaches, we may need to grieve for what we leave behind before greeting what comes next. The changes we experience in recovery bring similar responses. We grieve the loss of our old friends, the bottle, the food binge, the romantic thrill, or the excitement of gambling or spending. We are able to grieve our losses because we accept them. We have chosen them. Now we move to the next season of our lives.
As I experience the circle of seasons outside me, I am grateful for the ongoing flow of change within.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Women are often caught between conforming to existing standards or role definitions and exploring the promise of new alternatives. --Stanlee Phelps and Nancy Austin
This is a time of exploring for many of us. Recovery means change in habits, change in behavior, change in attitudes. And change is seldom easy. But change we must, if we want to recover successfully.
We do have support for trying our new alternatives. We have support from our groups and our higher power. Perhaps we want a career or more education. Perhaps we want to develop a hobby or try a sport. Sharing that desire and then looking for support guarantees some guidance. This program has given us a chance to start fresh--to become our inner desire.
We are only caught in an old pattern if we assent to it. The going won't always be easy, but support and guidance are available and free if we but look for them.
Today I will consider my alternatives. Do I want to make a change?


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Be Who You Are
In recovery, we're learning a new behavior. It's called Be Who You Are.
For some of us, this can be frightening. What would happen if we felt what we felt, said what we wanted, became firm about our beliefs, and valued what we needed? What would happen if we let go of our camouflage of adaptation? What would happen if we owned our power to be ourselves?
Would people still like us? Would they go away? Would they become angry?
There comes a time when we become willing and ready to take that risk. To continue growing, and living with ourselves, we realize we must liberate ourselves. It becomes time to stop allowing ourselves to be so controlled by others and their expectations and be true to ourselves - regardless of the reaction of others.
Before long, we begin to understand. Some people may go away, but the relationship would have ended anyway. Some people stay and love and respect us more for taking the risk of being whom we are. We begin to achieve intimacy, and relationships that work.
We discover that who we are has always been good enough. It is who we were intended to be.
Today, I will own my power to be myself.


I am grateful for the power I have over the future of my life. I am being guided at all times to use my power with wisdom and with love. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 1
Are You Ready, Willing, and Able?

Have you cleared the path you want to travel? Are you ready, willing, and able to do whatever it takes to have what you want?

Decide what you want. Be as clear as you can be. Say it. Write it. Share your idea with a friend. Then ask yourself if you are ready, willing, and able to do what it takes to have what you want. Ask yourself the question as often as you need to.

Watch how you feel when you say what you want. Look for objections, blocks from within, obstacles on your path. Look closely at yourself, your fears, your angers, your resistance. Let your feelings come up, acknowledge them, then let them go. One after another remove the blocks until the path you want to travel is clear. Remove the obstacles until you can clearly see your vision and your voice is strong and clear. I’m ready, willing, and able to have what I want and it’s in my highest good.

The way to your dreams, the way to make your visions come alive is by taking a journey inside your soul. Are you ready, willing, and able to have what you want? Do you believe it when you hear yourself say it? When you do, the road will be clear, and you’ll be ready to travel the path you desire.

*****

more language of letting go for October
Say I see

I was out at the drop zone one day soon after I'd begun skydiving, when the idea occurred to me. I know, I thought, I'll get a cabin out here, on a little hill with a hot tub, fireplace, and lined inside with scented cedar wood.

Wouldn't it be nice, I thought, to live high on a hill and look down at night at the twinkling lights, overlooking the city and the lake?

I didn't think much more about it, until the cold, rainy season started. Then, despite all my efforts to repress the dream of the cabin, it just popped up and sprang right out from inside of me.

I called my friend Kyle and asked him if he was busy. He said no. So I asked him if he had some time to go driving around with me.

"I just want to check out the area," I said. "Let's see if the cabin's there. Let's just drive to where my intuition takes me."

We drove down highway fifteen when an exit approached. Taking the exit felt like the thing to do. We turned off and started driving west. I looked to my right and suddenly felt an urge to drive up the hill. So we followed the road, driving by one house after another. Finally, at the end of the road, there was a small cabin at the top of a hill. The outside was covered with rough-sawn cedar. A brick fireplace covered the front of the house. A hot tub sat in the backyard. And a for sale sign was posted in the frontyard.

There are other pieces to this story. Chip got in on the dream. At some point we stopped calling it "the cabin," and it became the Blue Sky Lodge. Pat and Andy came along and helped make the dream real. It was going to be a comfortable place for people who liked to do things in the air. We'd have extra beds available. It wouldn't be a hotel, but it was open to any guest who wanted to spread his or her wings and learn how to fly.

We camped at the Lodge during construction, Everything took longer than we thought, but eventually it turned into the place of our dreams.

There's a pool table, a dartboard, a whimsical guest room called the clown room, a comfy guest bedroom, a living room with a massive stone fireplace and a big-screen TV. Then there's the Blue Room, a master bedroom with blue plaid material on the walls. It houses the biggest, most comfortable bed in the world-- the Cloud Bed-- and my desk.

Red beams line the cedar wood ceiling. Chip has a desk in the foyer, and there's video cameras and regular cameras and computers on top of it. And there's books and CDs and flight bags and parachutes and helmets and climbing ropes lying around all over the house.

The Blue Sky Lodge is really about learning that your dreams can come true.

Whether your dreams for yourself come to you in bits and pieces, over a period of time, or whether you practice visualization to see and focus on your dreams yourself, dreams are just another way of God communicating with us

She's saying, "Look at what you can have."

An important part of the language of letting go is learning to say, "I see what I can have, who I am, where I am, and what I have right now."

God, help me become aware.

*****

Observing Evolution
Allowing Others to Walk Their Paths

by Madisyn Taylor

It is important to allow others to walk their own path because it is just that, their own path.


Watching a loved one or a peer traverse a path littered with stumbling blocks can be immensely painful. We instinctively want to guide them toward a safer track and share with them the wisdom we have acquired through experience. Yet all human beings have the right to carve their own paths without being unduly influenced by outside interference. To deny them that right is to deny them enlightenment, as true insight cannot be conveyed in lectures. Rather, each individual must earn independence and illumination by making decisions and reflecting upon the consequences of each choice. In allowing others to walk their paths freely, you honor their right to express their humanity in whatever way they see fit. Though you may not agree with or identify with their choices, understand that each person must learn in their own way and at their own pace.

The events and circumstances that shape our lives are unique because each of us is unique. What touches one person deeply may do nothing more than irritate or confound another. Therefore, each of us is drawn to different paths—the paths that will have the most profound effects on our personal evolution. If you feel compelled to intervene when watching another human being make their way slowly and painfully down a difficult path, try to empathize with their need to grow autonomous and make their own way in the world. Should this person ask for your aid, give it freely. You can even tell them about your path or offer advice in a conscious loving way. Otherwise, give them the space they need to make their own mistakes, to enjoy the fruits of their labors, to revel in their triumphs, and to discover their own truths.

The temptation to direct the paths of others is a creature of many origins. Overactive egos can convince us that ours is the one true path or awaken a craving for control within us. But each person is entitled to seek out their path leading from the darkness into the light. When we celebrate those paths and encourage the people navigating them, we not only enjoy the privilege of watching others grow—we also reinforce our dedication to diversity, independence, and individuality. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 1

Reflection For The Day

We can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. We can be all by ourselves and still feel happy and content. What makes the difference? We feel lonely if we look to other people for something they really can’t provide. None else can give us peace of mind, an inner sense of acceptance, and serenity. And when we find ourselves alone, we needn’t feel lonely. God is with us; His presence is like a warm shawl enfolding us. The more we’re aware of ourselves as beloved by God, the more we’re able to feel content and secure — whether we’re with others or when alone. Am I experiencing a sense of God and His love at all times and in all places?

Today I Pray

May I understand that we each have our own kind of loneliness — whether we are young and friendless, old and kept waiting by death, bereft, left, running away, or just feeling out of it in a crowd. May my loneliness be eased a bit by the fact that loneliness is, indeed, a universal feeling that everyone knows first hand — even though some lives seem more empty than others. May I — and all the lonely people — take comfort in the companionship of God.

Today I Will Remember

Shared loneliness is less lonely.

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One More Day
October 1

Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows.
– Henry David Thoreau

Solitude is the time we choose to be alone, but it becomes loneliness when we believe we have no choice. When we are lonely, we feel trapped in a web of isolation.

Lonely people are caught in a trap with only themselves for company. There can be a difference between loneliness and aloneness — or solitude.

We are finding ways to create solitude from loneliness. We strive to fill our lives with meaningful experiences such as work, family, hobbies, and relationships with friends. As we enrich our lives with these activities, our alone time becomes solitude — a peaceful time to withdraw from the world and into thoughts, prayers, and meditation.

A moment of solitude today can enrich and replenish me.

October 2

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Stars have always helped me to get things into perspective . . . I tried to let the starlight heal something deep in me that hurt. --Madeleine L'Engle
For a long time, people have used stars to find their way in the dark. Many a lost soul has been guided by the North Star or the Big Dipper.
If we watch the sky at night, we can see thousands of twinkling stars. They are our friends. They remind us how small we are. They remind us of the vastness of the universe, of the power and beauty that surround us.
Starlight in the sky, or reflected on a lake, can comfort us when we hurt. With safe and open arms, nature accepts our sorrow, no matter how we express it. Starlight, like all of nature, reflects a light that comes from way beyond us. It is that light that heals us in a deep and quiet way.
How has nature comforted me when I am troubled?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
One ought, each day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if possible, speak, a few reasonable words. --Goethe
A spiritual man can nourish his growing spirit through enriching and beautiful experiences. Such experiences might be quiet meditation, reading something, which provides ideas to ponder, conversation with a friend, or listening to music. Men have been taught to focus on things more than on people, on goals and achievement, and we neglect to provide ourselves with nourishment for our minds and souls.
Life's experiences include joy and beauty and pain and grief. If we are uplifted every day by beauty in its many forms, we are strengthened and carried along to meet the tougher parts of our day. We may need to push some other things aside to have it. Perhaps some jobs can wait until tomorrow, and we can linger over a meal with our loved ones. Maybe mowing the lawn or fixing the car isn't as important as a half-hour of good music. Do we make space for nourishing moments in each day?
I am grateful for the beauty all around. Help me keep life more balanced so I can receive the spiritual nourishment it provides.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Fortunate are the people whose roots are deep. --Agnes Meyer
Deep roots offer strength and stability to an organism. They nourish it plentifully. They anchor it when the fierce winds blow. We each are offered the gifts of roots when we give ourselves fully to the program.
We are never going to face, alone, any difficult situation after discovering recovery. Never again need we make any decision in isolation. Help is constant. Guidance through companionship with others and our contacts with God will always be as close as our requests. The program anchors us; every prayer we make, every step we take, nourishes the roots we are developing.
Becoming rooted in the program, with daily attention to the nourishment we need, offers us sanity and hope. We discover that all things can be handled; no situation is too much for us. Strength, confidence, freedoms from fear are the benefits of our deepening roots. We will be anchored if we do what needs to be done by us. The program's gifts are ours, only if we work the program.
I won't neglect my roots today. I will nourish them so they in turn can fill me up with confidence when my need is there.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Coping with Families
There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviors. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a different basis.
There is no one or perfect way to deal with members of our family in recovery. It is up to each of us to choose a path that suits us and our needs at each point in time.
The idea that is new to us in recovery is that we can choose. We can set the boundaries we need to set with family members. We can choose a path that works for us, without guilt and obligation or undue influence from any source, including recovery professionals.
Our goal is to detach in love with family members. Our goal is to be able to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and live healthy lives despite what family members do or don't do. We decide what boundaries or decisions are necessary to do this.
It's okay to say no to our families when that is what we want. It's okay to say yes to our families if that feels right. It's okay to call time out and it's okay to go back as a different person.
God, help me choose the path that is right for me with family. Help me understand there is no right or wrong in this process. Help me strive for forgiveness and learn to detach with love, whenever possible. I understand that this never implies that I have to forfeit self-care and health for the good of the system.


As I am learning to see the world through the eyes of love and compassion, I am becoming more and more full of love and compassion for myself and others. I deserve to feel good about myself today and I am learning how. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 2
Trust the Unknown

Look! See how much you’ve changed. See the difference in your perspective.

Remember all those years you were so fearful, trying to peek ahead, trying to see what the future held. Remember how upset you got, how uncertain and abandoned you felt because you didn’t know the plan.

Now life has taken you to a new place, a new place for you but a place that is ancient. All along, you were not supposed to be getting the answers about what the future held. You were supposed to be learning the magical way of trust and inner guidance, learning to feel your way through, trusting and committing to your vision, your energy, your purpose, your place, each day and moment along the way. You were supposed to be learning to allow the universe to magically unfold and trust that it would. You have been learning this lesson. You have been learning it well.

See how you delight in life’s magic now, the surprises, the not knowing, the absolute trust in the universe to bring you your answers, manifest your visions, and help you when you can’t quite see. See how much you cherish your relationship to the universe, a relationship so much broader and more encompassing, so much more vital that you could ever before imagine. See how joyfully you walk your path, enjoying all the sights, opening your heart to loved one and strangers.

See how benevolent it really is when you are not able to see ahead. Not knowing has taught you about life’s magic. It has connected you to yourself and to the universe. It has connected you to God.

Not knowing has taught you to know more than you could ever imagine.

*****

more language of letting go
Manifest your reality

In the skydiving world, at drop zones, there's usually a small office where the sky diver goes. This office or place is called manifest. The potential sky diver must submit the ticket and be assigned to a particular flight. Sometimes things happen. The winds might pick up, canceling that particular flight. The sky might cloud over. Something could happen that would change that sky diver's mind about getting on the plane. But for all purposes, once you've been to manifest, you're going to be at the door of the airplane looking down 12,500 feet with a group of sky divers yelling at you to jump.

If you don't want to be at that door, trying to let go and wondering how you got yourself there, don't make the trip to manifest.

It's easy to see how events get manifested in the skydiving world. Sometimes it's more difficult to see the manifest office in our daily lives.

"How did I get here," we say, looking around at the city we live in, the person we married, or the job we have. Of course, destiny and our Higher Power play a large part in where we are.

But so do we.

Choices we make lead us along. The big decisions we make help shape our destiny. Our thoughts, intentions, and inagination have more to do with shaping our present moment that we could ever imagine.

The problem is that usually there's a gap between our intentions or behavior and seeing them manifest in reality. By the time an event takes place, we've forgotten that B happened because we did A. It's difficult to see the progressive effect of the many choices we make in a day.

I'm not saying that we create everything that happens to us. We don't have that much power. But God alone didn't send a lot of the stuff that comes our way. We created much of it ourselves.

Be aware of the words you use, especially those combined with powerful emotions or will. If we're going to manifest something in reality, let's make it good.

God, show me the creative powers I possess, especially my power to manifest events in my life. Teach me to use these powers to create harmony and beauty in the world.

*****

Hidden Gems
Experiences We Don't Understand

Sometimes we have an experience that we don’t understand, but if we look deeply, or wait long enough, a reason for that experience will usually reveal itself. All the events in our lives lead to other events, and all that we have manifested in this present moment is the result of past events and experiences. We cannot easily tease apart the many threads that have been woven together to create our current reality. Experiences that don’t make sense, as well as any that we regret, are just as responsible for the good things in our lives as the experiences we do understand or label as "good."

This is especially important to remember at times when we feel directionless or unsure of what to do. It is often at times like these that we take a job or move to a place without really knowing if it’s the right thing to do. We may ultimately end up leaving the job or the place, but often during that time we will have met someone who becomes an important friend, or we may have an experience that changes us in a profound way. When all the pieces of our life don’t quite make sense, we can remember that there may be some hidden gem of a reason that we are where we are having the experiences we are having.

It’s fun to look back on past experiences with an eye to uncovering those gems—the dreadful temporary job in a bland office building that introduced you to the love of your life; the roommate you couldn’t tolerate who gave you a book that changed your life; the time spent living in a city you didn’t like that led you into a deeper relationship with yourself. Remembering these past experiences can restore our faith in the present. Life is full of buried treasures. Chances are, you’re sitting on some right now. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 2

Reflection For The Day

An entire philosophy of life is condensed in the slogan Live and Let Live. First we’re urged to live fully, richly and happily — to fulfill our destiny with the joy that comes from doing well whatever we do. Then comes a more difficult challenge: Let live. This means accepting the right of every other person to live as he or she wishes, without criticism or judgement from us. The slogan rules out contempt for those who don’t think as we do. It also warns against resentments, reminding us not to interpret other people’s actions as intentional injuries to us. Am I becoming less tempted to involve my mind with thoughts of how others act or live?

Today I Pray

May I live my life to the fullest, understanding that pure pleasure-seeking is not pleasure-finding, but that God’s goodness is here to be shared. May I partake of it. May I learn not to take over the responsibility for another adult decisions; that is my old controlling self trying , just one more time, to be the executive director of other people’s lives.

Today I Will Remember

Live and Let Live.

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One More Day
October 2

God wrote His loveliest poem on this day
He made the first tall, poplar tree,
And set it high upon a pale-gold hill
For all the now enchanted earth to see.
– Grace Noll

Autumn was such a wonderful time when we were youngsters. Raking meant gleefully jumping into mountains of leaves and later gathering with our families to watch the blazing piles.

We can still enjoy the trees and leaves around us. If we take time to observe even a single leaf, we will again be surprised as its beauty, its perfection. The golden or red or brown leaf is a small part of nature’s balance.

We enjoyed trees before; we can find multiple ways to enjoy them now. Like all of the world around us, the leaves lend color, beauty, and meaning to our lives, if we only look.

All natural beauty deserves a second look before I turn away.

October 3

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
How easy the breath that kills a flame,
How hard to kindle that light again.
Cold words kill and kind words kindle,
By words withheld a dream may dwindle.
--Joan Walsh Anglund
How we treat the people we live with affects the happiness of our family. Just as a breath can blow out a flame, a mean remark can cast a shadow across a brother or sister's heart. People of all ages have left dreams behind because no one encouraged them. They are like candles snuffed out.
On the other hand, if we see a friend or family member feeling good about something they have done, we can learn to be happy for them. If we notice their excitement and encourage them with kind and sincere words, it will help their candle burn brighter. Sharing the happiness of others will make our own candles burn brighter, and it always feels good when we receive kind words ourselves.
In what ways can I bring light and warmth with my words today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
You should not have your own idea when you listen to someone.... To have nothing in your mind is naturalness. Then you will understand what he says. --Shunryu Suzuki
A man who is mistrustful and self-centered has difficulty listening to someone else. Perhaps a woman we are close to wants to be understood by us. But we do not hear her on her own terms because we are so intensely involved with our own shame. So we react to our feelings of guilt rather than really hearing what she wants to say about her experience. Or we may be so worried about who has control that we fail to receive the information we are being given. Then we respond with "Yes, but..."
True learning comes - like true intimacy - when we have an open mind. As we detach ourselves, separate from our own ego, we hear the other person better and grow more intimate.
May I learn to set aside my own self-centeredness. Today, I will grow more if I set my ego aside when others are talking to me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Ambiguity means admitting more than one response to a situation and allowing yourself to be aware of those contradictory responses. You may want something and fear it at the same time. You may find it both beautiful and ugly. --Tristine Rainer
Flexibility is a goal worth the striving. It eases our relations with others, and it stretches our realm of awareness. Letting go of rigid adherence to what our perceptions were yesterday assures us of heightened understanding of life's variables and lessons.
Being torn between two decisions, feeling ambivalent about them, need not create consternation, though it often does. Hopefully, it will encourage us to pray for direction, and then to be responsive to the guidance. And we must keep in mind that no decision is ever wrong. It may lead us astray for a time, but it will also introduce us to uncharted territories, which offer many opportunities for flexibility.
Contradictory responses, our own and also ours in relations with others, keep us on our toes, lend an element of excitement to our lives, and push us to think creatively about our perceptions. Growth and change are guaranteed.
I will be in tune with myself today. I will let my perceptions guide me.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Getting Through the Discomfort
Surrender to the pain. Then learn to surrender to the good. It's there and more is on the way. --Beyond Codependency
Our goal in recovery is to make us feel comfortable, peaceful, and content. Happy. We want to be at peace with our environment and ourselves. Sometimes, to do that, we need to be willing to face, feel, and get through discomfort.
I am not talking here about being addicted to misery and pain. I am not talking about creating unnecessary pain. I'm talking about the legitimate discomfort we sometimes need to feel as we heal.
When we have surgery, the pain hurts most the day after the operation. When we do the kind of work we are facing in recovery, we are doing an emotional, mental, and spiritual surgery on ourselves. We're removing parts of us that are infected and inflamed.
Sometimes the process hurts. We are strong enough to survive discomfort and temporary feelings of emotional pain. Once we are willing to face and feel our discomfort and pain, we are almost to the point of release.
Today, I am willing to face my discomfort, trusting that healing and release are on the other side. Help me, God; be open to feeling whatever I need to feel to be healed and healthy. While I am doing this, I will trust I am cared for and protected by my friends, my Higher Power, the Universe, and myself.


I choose to be in places and situations and with people where I feel good about myself. I deserve to feel good and I trust that my heart will tell me where to go. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 3
Finish Unfinished Business

Finish your business with people. Unfinished business with others is the highest block to an open heart, the biggest block to peace and joy.

The tangled cords that bind us to the past are easy to find. All we need do is become quiet and listen to the voice of our heart. Who do we resent? Who are we angry with? Hurt by? Who are the people we aren’t at peace with? That’s our unfinished business, the unfinished business of the heart.

Look deep inside. Find your secrets. Find your not-quite-finished pieces. Then discover what you need to finish. Often, the answer is only a breath away– a breath of fresh air, a breath of forgiveness, a breath of love. Take that breath. Let the past go. Let it go in peace, thankful for all you’ve learned along the way.

Tie up your loose ends. Heal your connection to others and your heart by finishing unfinished business. Then you’ll be free to move on. And you can go forward in peace.

*****

more language of letting go
Be aware of your intentions

Your inner self is literal and does not understand ambiguity so whenever you direct it to manifest your desires, give it absolutely literal instructions... Your natural self is quite fond of accomplishing the tasks you give it. It loves to display its skills and perform for you and others, and can do nearly anything (within the realm of possibility and probability) that you can conceive.
--Enid Hoffman

Be clear on your intentions.

Intentions are more than mere wishes. An intention is will mixed with emotions and desire. For instance, I can sit here and wish the house were cleaner. When I put all else aside, take my frustration about the mess and channel it into energy and my desire for tidiness, I can say, "I will spend one hour straightening up."

Sometimes we make our intentions known to other people. For instance, we might start dating someone, and it's our intention to eventually marry. Intentions can turn into manipulation when we don't make them clear. They can also involve control, in the worse sense, when they involve changing the free will of someone else.

The best place to start is by making our intentions clear to ourselves. What do you want? In regards to your life situations, like work or finances, what are your intentions?

Sometimes our good intentions can run totally amok. For instance, you might intend to get a person sober, but they may have no desire to sober up. We can avoid a lot of painful manipulations, if we're clear about our intentions.

Watch yourself as you go through life encountering different situations. Do you have an agenda? Do you even know what it is? Sometimes our intentions are less than conscious, hidden right below the surface. For instance, we may have an intention to get married and have someone support us so we don't have to support ourselves. Are someone else's intentions influencing your own?

When you start any project, a new relationship, or just a new day, spend a moment and get quiet. Be clear with yourself and others on what your intentions are. Then surrender those intentions to God.

God, please help me align my intentions and desires with your highest good will for my life.

*****

Fresh and Unfixed
There Is Only Now

It can be easy for us to walk through the world and our lives without really being present. While dwelling on the past and living for the future are common pastimes, it is physically impossible to live anywhere but the present moment. We cannot step out our front door and take a left turn to May of last year, any more than we can take a right turn to December 2015. Nevertheless, we can easily miss the future we are waiting for as it becomes the now we are too busy to pay attention to. We then spend the rest of our time playing “catch up” to the moment that we just let pass by. During moments like these, it is important to remember that there is only Now.

In order to feel more at home in the present moment, it is important to try to stay aware, open, and receptive. Being in the present moment requires our full attention so that we are fully awake to experience it. When we are fully present, our minds do not wander. We are focused on what is going on right now, rather than thinking about what just happened or worrying about what is going to happen next. Being present lets us experience each moment in our lives in a way that cannot be fully lived through memory or fantasy.

When we begin to corral our attention into the present moment, it can be almost overwhelming to be here. There is a state of stillness that has to happen that can take some getting used to, and the mind chatter that so often gets us into our heads and out of the present moment doesn’t have as much to do. We may feel a lack of control because we aren’t busy planning our next move, assessing our current situation, or anticipating the future. Instead, being present requires that we be flexible, creative, attentive, and spontaneous. Each present moment is completely new, and nothing like it has happened or will ever happen again. As you move through your day, remember to stay present in each moment. In doing so, you will live your life without having to wait for the future or yearn for the past. Life happens to us when we happen to life in the Now.

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A Day At A Time
October 3

Reflection For The Day

I’ve learned in The Program that I’m wholly powerless over my addiction. At long last, I’ve conceded my powerlessness; as a result, my life has taken a 180-degree turn for the better. However, I do have a power, derived from God, to change my own life. I’ve learned that acceptance does not mean submission to an unpleasant or degrading situation. It means accepting the reality of the situation and then deciding what, if anything, I can and will do about it. Have I stopped trying to control the uncontrollable? Am I gaining the courage to change the things I can?

Today I Pray

I ask my Higher Power for direction as I learn to sort out the things I can change from the things I can’t, for that sorting process does, indeed, require God-given wisdom. May “the things I cannot change” not give me and excuse for inaction. May “the things I can” not include managing other people’s lives. May I start to understand my own reality.

Today I Will Remember

Acceptance is not inaction. Change is not domination.

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One More Day
October 3

Most of all, we seek to help them rise to what for most is the supreme challenge of their lives, by developing and enjoying their unique personalities to the fullest.
– Bernie S. Siegel

Just living life, not enjoying it, is a tread-water posture some of us adopt in our lives. Afraid to get “too involved” in living, we wait for the sorts to occur. We look for a guide, a leader, to direct our path to physical and spiritual survival.

At first, we may be devastated when we realize that no one else can direct us, guide us, or lead us out of the maze of emotions that accompanies a chronic illness. Others can help, but only if we lead. Gradually we’re finding a unique strength within us, one we’d not known before, that enables us to direct our physical and spiritual programs with greater confidence.

I am on a continuing journey to accept the challenges of my life. Allowing my unique personality to surface is the beginning.

October 4

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
How easy the breath that kills a flame,
How hard to kindle that light again.
Cold words kill and kind words kindle,
By words withheld a dream may dwindle.
--Joan Walsh Anglund
How we treat the people we live with affects the happiness of our family. Just as a breath can blow out a flame, a mean remark can cast a shadow across a brother or sister's heart. People of all ages have left dreams behind because no one encouraged them. They are like candles snuffed out.
On the other hand, if we see a friend or family member feeling good about something they have done, we can learn to be happy for them. If we notice their excitement and encourage them with kind and sincere words, it will help their candle burn brighter. Sharing the happiness of others will make our own candles burn brighter, and it always feels good when we receive kind words ourselves.
In what ways can I bring light and warmth with my words today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
You should not have your own idea when you listen to someone.... To have nothing in your mind is naturalness. Then you will understand what he says. --Shunryu Suzuki
A man who is mistrustful and self-centered has difficulty listening to someone else. Perhaps a woman we are close to wants to be understood by us. But we do not hear her on her own terms because we are so intensely involved with our own shame. So we react to our feelings of guilt rather than really hearing what she wants to say about her experience. Or we may be so worried about who has control that we fail to receive the information we are being given. Then we respond with "Yes, but..."
True learning comes - like true intimacy - when we have an open mind. As we detach ourselves, separate from our own ego, we hear the other person better and grow more intimate.
May I learn to set aside my own self-centeredness. Today, I will grow more if I set my ego aside when others are talking to me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Ambiguity means admitting more than one response to a situation and allowing yourself to be aware of those contradictory responses. You may want something and fear it at the same time. You may find it both beautiful and ugly. --Tristine Rainer
Flexibility is a goal worth the striving. It eases our relations with others, and it stretches our realm of awareness. Letting go of rigid adherence to what our perceptions were yesterday assures us of heightened understanding of life's variables and lessons.
Being torn between two decisions, feeling ambivalent about them, need not create consternation, though it often does. Hopefully, it will encourage us to pray for direction, and then to be responsive to the guidance. And we must keep in mind that no decision is ever wrong. It may lead us astray for a time, but it will also introduce us to uncharted territories, which offer many opportunities for flexibility.
Contradictory responses, our own and also ours in relations with others, keep us on our toes, lend an element of excitement to our lives, and push us to think creatively about our perceptions. Growth and change are guaranteed.
I will be in tune with myself today. I will let my perceptions guide me.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Getting Through the Discomfort
Surrender to the pain. Then learn to surrender to the good. It's there and more is on the way. --Beyond Codependency
Our goal in recovery is to make us feel comfortable, peaceful, and content. Happy. We want to be at peace with our environment and ourselves. Sometimes, to do that, we need to be willing to face, feel, and get through discomfort.
I am not talking here about being addicted to misery and pain. I am not talking about creating unnecessary pain. I'm talking about the legitimate discomfort we sometimes need to feel as we heal.
When we have surgery, the pain hurts most the day after the operation. When we do the kind of work we are facing in recovery, we are doing an emotional, mental, and spiritual surgery on ourselves. We're removing parts of us that are infected and inflamed.
Sometimes the process hurts. We are strong enough to survive discomfort and temporary feelings of emotional pain. Once we are willing to face and feel our discomfort and pain, we are almost to the point of release.
Today, I am willing to face my discomfort, trusting that healing and release are on the other side. Help me, God; be open to feeling whatever I need to feel to be healed and healthy. While I am doing this, I will trust I am cared for and protected by my friends, my Higher Power, the Universe, and myself.


I choose to be in places and situations and with people where I feel good about myself. I deserve to feel good and I trust that my heart will tell me where to go. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 4
Let the Miracle of Acceptance Find You

I found this miracle in a small church in New Mexico. The Sanctuario do Chimayo is famous for its healing powers and miracles. The ground under the church, some say, is particularly holy and powerful. Crutches– evidence of the healing miracles people experienced there– line the walls of the church’s back room.

Four years ago, a friend had sent me to the Sanctuario to find my miracle. It was three months after my son died. I didn’t know what miracle could possibly fix my situation. Now, sitting in the back of the chapel, I knew. I didn’t have any crutches to hang on the wall, but the miracle of acceptance had healed my heart and changed my life.

We may search for miracles that change our situation so we don’t have to deal with the loss or feel the pain. Sometimes we get that miracle. Our circumstances change. But sometimes the miracle we get changes us. If the situation is too difficult, the loss to painful to accept in one leap, take smaller steps. Accept what you’re feeling today. Accept who you are today. Accept what you think today.

Look for your miracles. Hope for the best. But when you can’t change what you’re going through, let the simple, quiet, daily miracle of acceptance find you.

*****

more language of letting go
Value your dreams

I always wanted to be a writer. Long ago I talked to God about it, then asked God to bring it to pass if that dream was from Him. Or Her. Within twenty-four hours, I had my first writing assignment from a community newspaper. I got paid five dollars a story, and I've been writing ever since.

Sometimes, we get a vision of ourselves doing something. We might get an inkling or even have a dream where we see ourselves doing something in the future. We might get a feeling that we're about to become pregnant. Or we might have a dream in which we see ourselves moving into a new home. We might be driving by a neighborhood one day and get a special feeling that it would be right for us to live there.

We might get a hunch about a career-oriented event.

Some people think these little hunches or dreams are our soul's way of remembering what it came here to do.

We see a flash: a dream, vision, or special feeling of what's coming next. Maybe your dreams about what you want and what you'd like are more important than you think.


God, show me what you want me to do and experience in life. Then give me enough consciousness to relax and see what you're pointing out.

Activity: Have an I see page in your journal. As you go about the days ahead, pay special attention to the dreams that pop into your head. Nighttime dreams are important. It's good to write in your journal about those,too. Often they give us clues. But what I'm talking about here are our daytime dreams and feelings-- those things we think we want or can see ourselves doing. Have you buried any dreams from childhood or adulthood, things you really wanted to pursue but forgot along the way? Tell yourself it's time to remember. Then let it go. Pay attention to what pops up into sight. Write it down, even if it's just a sentence or two. Then let the dream go again. Don't try to control the future. It will happen of its own accord.

*****

Culling Out the Weeds
Mind Over Matter

The power of the mind is a curious thing, because it is so powerful yet so difficult to control sometimes.


The power of the mind is a curious thing, because it is so powerful yet so difficult to control sometimes. We find ourselves thinking a certain way, knowing that this thought may be creating trouble for us yet we find it difficult to stop. For example, many people have the experience of getting sick at the same time every year or every time they go on a plane. They may even be aware that their beliefs impact their experiences, so continue to think they will get sick and then they do.

Sometimes we need to get sick in order to process something or move something through our bodies. But often we get sick, or feel exhausted, because we don’t make the effort to galvanize the power of our minds in the service of our physical health, which is one of its most important functions. We really can use it to communicate to our bodies, yet we often regard the two as separate entities that have little to do with one another.

Knowing this, we have the power to create physical health and mental health, simply by paying attention to the tapes running in our minds. Once we hear ourselves, we have the option to let that tape keep running or to make a new recording. We harness the power of the mind in our defense when we choose supportive, healing words that foster good health and high spirits. All we need to do is remember to tend the field of our mind with the attentive and loving hand of a master gardener tending her flower beds, culling out the weeds so that the blossoms may come to fruition.

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A Day At A Time
October 4

Reflection For The Day

We are powerless over our addictions; that admission brought us to The Program, where we learn through unconditional surrender that there is victory in defeat. After a time, we learn in Twelfth Step work that we’re not only powerless over our own addiction, but over the addictions of others. We cannot will another person to sobriety, for example, any more than we can hold back the sunset. We may minister to another person’s physical needs; we may share with him, pray with him, and take him to meetings. But we cannot get inside his head and push some sort of magic button that will make him — or her — take the all-important First Step. Do I still sometimes try to play God?

Today I Pray

may I understand my all-too-human need to be the boss, have the upper hand, be the final authority — even in the humbling business of my own addiction. May I see how easy it would be to become a big-shot Twelfth Stepper. May I also see that, no matter how much I care and want to help, I have no control over another’s addiction — any more than someone else has control over mine.

Today I Will Remember

I cannot engineer another’s sobriety.

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One More Day
October 4

The bitter and the sweet come from the outside, the hard from within, from one’s own efforts.
– Albert Einstein

Too often we expect to have lives in which only happy events occur and no one is ever hurt. Instead of tears and sadness, we expect only happiness. In doing this, we do not face life realistically. By ignoring all the problems around us — our own and others’ as well — we skim the surface of life.

When we face reality, we begin our real journey. A life well lived is not one of constant happiness and joy. More often, it is the life as lived by someone who has known intense pain and extreme disappointment. Our negative experiences give us that opportunity to be strengthened within.

All my experiences give me a chance to grow.

October 5

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I think of the trees and how simply they let go, let fall the riches of a season, how without grief (it seems) they can let go and go deep into their roots for renewal and sleep. --May Sarton
"How can I do what you say," asked the child, "and still be me?"
"Look at me," said the tree. "I bend in the wind, droop in the rain. Yet I always remain myself, a tree."
"Look at me," said the man. "I can't change."
"Look at me," said the tree. "I change every season from green to brown to green again, from bud to flower to fallen leaf. Yet I always remain myself, a tree."
"I can't love anymore," said the woman. "With my love, I have given away all that I am."
"Look at me," said the tree. "There are robins in my branches, owls in my trunk, moss and ladybugs living on my bark. They may take what I have, but not what I am."
Whether we know it or not, we are like the tree. Only our pride hangs on to a false sense of self, wanting to keep everything, refusing to follow advice or orders. What we do doesn't matter; how we do it is what counts.
What changes have I gone through without losing my real self?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Men are doomed to live in an overwhelmingly tragic and demonic world. --Ernest Becker
Life is difficult. We never reach the point where our path is free of obstacles and hardships. And regardless of how much we grow, how faithful we are to our program, nothing changes the fact that death is still there for us. As painful and hard as it is, life also is deeply meaningful and worthwhile when we submit to its reality and live in a spiritual way.
After we stop living in denial and accept the hard facts about life, we see that we need each other. We need relationships to stay sane. We need to pull together and support one another the way people do in difficult times. Rugged individualism isn't always good for real people in the real world. We need relationships so we can celebrate and make music and encourage one another. We need relationships so we can laugh and make jokes and tell our personal stories. And we need to stand together to oppose the destructive forces around us.
God help me learn to have relationships with my brothers and sisters.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Sometimes I think I'm the luckiest person in the world. There's nothing better than having work you really care about. Sometimes I think my greatest problem is lack of confidence. I'm scared, and I think that's healthy. --Jane Fonda
We each vacillate between feeling confident on some days, lucky on others, and yet frequently scared on others. It's very human to vacillate. We need not be anxious because our emotions refuse to stand still.
Changing emotions are part of the process of normal living. And changing emotions reflect an involvement with the moment. Situations do touch us, as they should. They do invite responses, as they should. And our responses will reveal our emotional involvement, as they should. We can cherish the variety of our emotions. They enrich us. But they may also create problems, if they go unchecked.
We need to maintain a balance. Confidence, certainly desirable, can become overconfidence and thus complacency. Confidence needs humility to temper it. Fear makes us cautious, and that's good; but too much can immobilize us. Being in charge of our emotions makes them work for us.
Emotions can energize me and keep me involved with the moment. They can also control me. It's my decision to be in charge.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Knowledge
Learn to let yourself be guided into truth.
We will know what we need to know, when we need to know that. We don't have to feel badly about taking our own time to reach our insights. We don't have to force insight or awareness before it's time.
Yes! Maybe the whole world saw a particular truth in our life, and we denied it - until we were ready to deal with it. That is our business, and our right! Our process is our own, and we will discover our truths at the right time, when we are ready, when the learning experience is complete.
The most growth-producing concept we can develop for others and ourselves is to allow ourselves to have our own process. We can give and receive support and encouragement while we go through this process. We can listen to others and say what we think. We can set boundaries and take care of ourselves, when needed. But we still give others and ourselves the right to grow at our own pace, without judgment, and with much trust that all is well and is on schedule.
When we are ready, when the time is right, and when our Higher Power is ready - we will know what we need to know.
Today, I will let myself and others have our own pace and time schedule for growth and change. I will trust that I will be empowered with insights and the tools for dealing with these insights, at the right time.


Today I will be aware not to judge myself when I feel less than perfect. I am beginning to love myself just as I am and that feels so nice. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 5
Spiritual Growth Can Be Easier Now

For so long, you thought that spiritual growth, healing, life had to be hard. And it was– for many reasons.

That’s no longer the case. Do you see the rose struggling and straining to grow? Do you see a tree pushing and forcing its growth? Your growth can unfold as naturally, as inevitably, as beautifully as the tender shoots of a rose break through first with green, then a bud, then a fully opened flower. You have committed to life, you have committed to growth, you have committed to opening your heart and taking the journey. That is enough.

The rest will be revealed to you in time. The answers will become clear. The visions, the guidance, the leadings you are seeking will come. All you need to guide you through life will come– quiet spiritual awakenings, quiet revelations that profoundly change your life. Each awakening will take you to the next place. Each will lead you home.

Don’t worry about what you have to do to achieve spiritual growth. Let yourself be. The growth will happen, and it will happen naturally and easily.

*****

more language of letting go
Take time to see it first

"Go over your skydive in your mind," my jump master taught me, when I first began learning to jump out of the plane. "Sit down by yourself and see yourself going through every movement from the time you get into the plane until you come back to earth."

Visualization has been a helpful tool to me in skydiving and in most areas of my life.

In the 1980s, Shakti Gawain wrote a best-seller, Creative Visualization. She talked about the powerful impact of using your mind to imagine yourself in some activity before actually doing it in reality.

Visualization has been a self-help tool that's been around even longer than that. Many people in all walks of life, from therapists to sports professionals, agree that seeing yourself doing it beforehand is the best way to do it well.

We can use the tool of visualization to help create matter out of spiritual energy, simply by spending quiet time during our meditation focusing on what we want, seeing ourselves having it, doing it, touching it, and feeling it. One woman told me she used visualization to help see herself letting go of a partner.

"I get quiet and I actually see myself living happily without the person I thought I had to have in my life," she said to me. "I get into the details of myself,too. How unencumbered I feel. How grateful I am for the lessons that person taught me. How I'm free of the burden of obsessing about this person. It really helps me let go."

Visualization is an important tool. It's a gift when we can see ourselves doing something and then having that activity manifested in reality.

Visualization only works if you use it. Make it a regular practice in your life.

Visualize yourself living with one of your dreams. Visualize yourself doing something you're nervous about doing. Take a few moments and run through the entire scenario in your head, until you can see yourself doing that thing calmly, clearly, and successfully with all obstacles cleared from your path.


God, help me use visualization as a regular tool in my life. Help me do my part in creating positive situations by taking the time first to see it, to visualize it.

Activity: Become an expert at visualization. Go to the library or bookstore and get a couple books on visualization. Then, read these books and begin applying the tool of visualization in your life.

*****

Habitual Anger
Unblocking the Ally

by Madisyn Taylor

Anger can easily become our go-to emotion; to remedy, start noticing when and why you get angry.

Sometimes when we feel anger, it is coming from a deep place that demands acknowledgment and expression. At these times, it is important that we find healthy ways to honor our anger, remembering how dangerous it is to repress it. However, anger can also become a habit, our go-to emotion whenever things go wrong. Often this is because, for whatever reason, we feel more comfortable expressing anger than we do other emotions, like sadness. It can also be that getting angry gives us the impression that we’ve done something about our problem. In these cases, our habitual anger is inhibiting both our ability to express our other emotions and to take action in our lives.

If it’s true that anger is functioning this way in your life, the first thing you might want to try is to notice when you get angry. You might begin to see a pattern of some kind. For example, you could notice that it is always your first response or that it comes up a lot in one particular situation. If the pattern doesn’t become clear right away, you could try keeping a journal about when you get angry and see if you can find any underlying meaning. The good thing about keeping a journal is that you can explore your anger more deeply in it—from examining who in your family of origin expressed a lot of anger to how you feel when you encounter anger in others. This kind of awareness can be a formidable agent of transformation.

Anger can be a powerful ally, since it is filled with energy that we can harness and use to create change in the world. It is one of the most cathartic emotions, and it can also be a very effective cleanser of the emotional system. However, when it becomes a habit, it actually loses its power to transform and becomes an obstacle to growth. Identifying the role anger plays in your life and restoring it to its proper function can bring new energy and expansiveness to your emotional life.

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A Day At A Time
October 5

Reflection For The Day

Soon after I came to The Program, I found a Higher Power whom I choose to call God. I’ve come to believe that He has all power; if I stay close to Him and do His work well, He provides me not with what I think I want, but with what I need. Gradually, I’m becoming less interested in myself and my little schemes; at the same time, I’m becoming more interested in seeing what I can contribute to others and to life. As I become more conscious of God’s presence, am I beginning to lose my self-centered fears?

Today I Pray

May I see that the single most evident change in myself — beyond my own inner sense of peace — is that I have come out from behind my phony castle walls, dropped the drawbridge that leads into my real village and crossed it. I am back among people again, interested in them, caring what happens to them. May I find my joy here in this peopled reality, now that I have left behind those old self protective fears and illusions of my own uniqueness.

Today I Will Remember

What is life without people?

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One More Day
October 5

Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself.
– St. Francis de Sales

Life fine cheese, we wait, as we grow older, to ripen properly. We would like to hurry the process along, but haste won’t serve us well in the long run. We have learned to let others take their time to mature and to become responsible adults, but often when it comes to ourselves, we are quick to anger at our own mistakes. We frequently are not as forgiving of ourselves as we are of others.

Maturity arrives when we understand that some of the goals we thought were crucial are really unattainable, and that it really doesn’t matter. Maturity is a frame of mind where we learn to be pleased with what we can accomplish. We can find contentment in just living our days as best we can.

I recognize there is no magic moment when I will become a fully mature adult. Maturity is an attitude that conveys peace with myself.

October 6

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
What we do upon some great occasion will probably depend on what we already are: and what we already are will be the result of previous years of self-discipline. --H. P. Viddon
In the ninth inning of the baseball game with a tie score and the bases loaded, the batter hit a home run. The fans and the team cheered wildly, and the batter was jubilant.
What many fans did not know was that he had been playing on baseball teams for fifteen years. Many times he struggled without being noticed. He wondered if he was any good or not, and there were days he had to make himself go out and practice. He made many mistakes, but his love and dedication for the game had always won out.
It is the years of discipline that prepare us for our big moments in life. Daily practice and love give our lives a direction, even through times of doubt and despair. By doing our best each day and learning from our mistakes, we prepare ourselves for the big moments--the home runs--in our lives.
How are my mistakes and pains today a part of my future success?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Forgiveness is another word for letting go. --Matthew Fox
Learning forgiveness - both granting it to others and accepting it for ourselves - is one of the primary means of a man's spiritual recovery. Many of us, after entering this program, are plagued with strong feelings of guilt. We have finally become accountable, and we see our lives in a new perspective. We long for a chance to undo our mistakes. Many men carry guilt for years as if they deserved to be punished. Our recovery program tells us to let go.
Simply going through the motions of forgiving or accepting forgiveness will not get us very far. We must squarely face our feelings and tell someone so we are no longer alone with our guilt. Then, if there is the possibility for repair without further hurt, we must make repair. In this concrete way we can be genuinely forgiven and fully accept forgiveness. When a man has a spiritual experience like this, he matures and gains the ability to forgive others.
I am grateful for the relief of being forgiven and letting go of past mistakes. I will genuinely let go of my guilt and resentment.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Many people are living in an emotional jail without recognizing it. --Virginia Satir
Each of us is blessed with an internal guide, a source able to direct our actions if we but acknowledge it. Never are we in doubt for long about what path to take. The courage to take it might not be immediately forthcoming; however, it, too, is one of the gifts with which we've been blessed. Courage is ours for the asking. Right direction is ours for the taking.
Trusting our inner selves takes practice, followed by attention to the results of our risks. Before recovery, many of us passively waited for others to orchestrate our behavior, our feelings, and our attitudes. Stepping forward as the leading lady, with our own script in hand is quite a change, but one we are being coached, daily, to make.
The Steps help us to know who we are. More importantly, they help us become the women we long to be. But most important, they offer us the spiritual strength to risk listening to the message within and the strength to go forth as directed.
Right results, again and again, are elicited by right action. And my knowledge of the right action is always, and forever, as close as myself.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Taking Care of Ourselves
It's healthy, wise, and loving to be considerate and responsive to the feelings and needs of others. That's different from caretaking. Caretaking is a self defeating and, certainly, a relationship defeating behavior - a behavior that backfires and can cause us to feel resentful and victimized - because ultimately, what we feel, want, and need will come to the surface.
Some people seem to invite emotional caretaking. We can learn to refuse the invitation. We can be concerned; we can be loving, when possible; but we can place value on our own needs and feelings too. Part of recovery means learning to pay attention to, and place importance on, what we feel, want, and need, because we begin to see that there are clear, predictable, and usually undesirable consequences when we don't.
Be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn to do this. Be understanding with yourself when you slip back into the old behavior of emotional caretaking and self-neglect.
But stop the cycle today. We do not have to feel responsible for others. We do not have to feel guilty about not feeling responsible for others. We can even learn to let ourselves feel good about taking responsibility for our needs and feelings.
Today, I will evaluate whether I've slipped into my old behavior of taking responsibility for another's feelings and needs, while neglecting my own. I will own my power, right, and responsibility to place value on myself.


Today I am doing everything that I can to totally accept me as I am. Today I am doing everything that I can to totally accept you as you are. I am free to have an honest relationship with me and you today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 6
What Are Your Priorities?

I was working away in my cabin, trying to print out the pages I had typed into my computer. It was taking half an hour to print each page. I had one hundred pages to go. For the umpteenth time I checked my computer, checked the program, checked the printer, checked everything I knew to see why it was printing so slowly. It all seemed to be set up properly. Then I accidentally touched a control setting, one I hadn’t noticed before. It was my priority control. It was set on low. I switched it to high priority. The pages now began to print at top speed.

Priorities are important. Learning how to focus our energy according to priorities– even though we’re going with the flow– is an important part of our lives. It’s one of the powers we’re learning.

What are your priorities? Is living from your heart one of them? Are there tasks you’d like to accomplish? Skills you’d like to acquire? Is meditation being centered, and living your life from a place of balance an area you’ve designated as critical?

Is loving yourself a priority? How important is your spiritual growth? What priority have you assigned to other areas like pleasure, having fun, feeling joy? Are your priorities set on high, medium,or low?

Look around and you’ll see your answers. Your life as it is now reflects the priorities you have chosen so far. If something is happening too slowly, try switching your priority setting from low to high.

*****

more language of letting go
See it simple

"It's too much," I said to my instructor. "Jumping out of a plane is too much for my mind to comprehend."

"Then keep it simple," he said. "Break it down into parts. You have the ride up, where you practice relaxing, your exit, your free-fall time; then you deploy your parachute. Then you decide if it's working or if you need to go to plan B. Next set up your landing pattern. When you get near the ground, pull your strings and flare."

I could handle the steps, but the big picture of jumping out of an airplane was too much to envision. But exiting, falling stable, pulling, and flaring were simple parts that felt manageable. My mind could comprehend these simple tasks.

You may never make a skydive. Or maybe you will. But there's a lot of things in life that seem like too much if we try to see them all as one big thing. I never thought I could stay sober and drug-free for twenty-seven years. But with God's help and the help of the program, I believed I could refrain from using drugs and alcohol for twenty-four hours. Then the nexr day, I got up and believed the same thing again.

There have been times I didn't think I could start my life over. But I could get up in the morning and do the things I thought best for that day.

Are you facing something now in your life that feels too overwhelming? Then simplify it. Break it down into manageable parts until you can see how simple it is.

God, I'm complicating a task or making it too big and unmanageable in my mind, help me to simplify what I see.

*****

In All Kinds Of Weather
Being Happy For Friends

When we are close friends with someone, we intuitively know when they need a hug, a helping hand, or a sympathetic ear. Likewise, when we are going through bleak periods in our lives, we count on friends to support us through loss, illness, and other setbacks, both big and small. And while part of being a good friend means being there when the other person needs us, it is just as important to be there for our friends so we can share in their joyous celebrations and triumphs.

After all, who else would our friends want to celebrate their promotions, graduations, marriages, and good news with than their loved ones and good friends. Yet depending on what is happening in our lives, it can sometimes be difficult to be there for our friends during the good times. We can become so busy with our own lives that we forget to make time. Or, we may be so focused on our own problems that we may not feel like celebrating with our friends. We may even take their joyful moments for granted, assuming that as long as we’re there for our friends during the bad times that we are doing our jobs. Yet part of being a true friend means also being there during the good times. Success and happiness can feel empty without someone to share them with, and who better to join in our victory dances than our good friends.

Taking the time from our busy lives to honor our friends’ happy moments is a wonderful way to show them that they matter. And in many ways, by wanting you around during their happy occasions, your friends are also honoring you. After all, it is the people we cherish that we want around us to sing at our birthdays, visit our newborn babies, and pop open that bottle of champagne with when we reach a milestone moment. The next time a friend wants you to be there to celebrate with them, remember to feel honored that they thought of asking you. Together, you can celebrate their happiness and your rich friendship.

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A Day At A Time
October 6

Reflection For The Day

As we “keep coming back” to meetings, we’re able to recognize those people who have an abundance of serenity. We are drawn to such people. to our surprise, we sometimes find that those who seem most grateeful for today’s blessings are the very ones who have the most serious and continuing problems at home or at work. Yet they have the courage to turn away from such problems, actively seeking to learn and hel others in The Program. How hav ethey gotten this serenity? It must be because they depend less on themselves and their own limited resources — and more on a Power greater than themselves in whom they have confidence. Am I acquiring the gift of serenity? Have my actions begun to reflect my inner faith?

Today I Pray

May I never cease to be awed by the serenity I see in oohters in my group — a serenity which manifest their comfortable surrender to a Higher Power. May I learn from them that peace of mind is possible even in the thick of trouble. May I, too, learn that I need to pull back from my problems now and then and draw upon the God-provided pool of serenity within myself.

Today I Will Remember

Serenity is surrender to God’s plan.

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One More Day
October 6

Every human being is a problem in search of a solution.
– Ashely Montagu

Despite the occasional disance or coolness that many of us sense within, we are also aware of wellsprings of emotion, ready to flow with feelings that have been long hidden. It sometimes takes a crisis, such as illness, chemical deendency, or loss of a loved one to literally drive us to seek help.

Trying to uncover deeply hidden painful emotions can feel like a treacherous path to follow, and some of us may be tempted to stop trying. But if we honestly open ourselves to these feelings, we can begin to know ourselves better and to build healthyier and more mature relationships.

Change can be frightening, especially when I’ve been hiding from my own emotions. If there is a problem, dealing with my emotions is part of the solution.

October 7

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
There are two kinds of slaves, the prisoners of addiction, and the prisoners of envy. --Ivan Ilich
No emotion brings us more personal pain or wastes more of our time than envy. When we envy, we are never free from stress, because envy takes no holidays. Shakespeare called envy the green sickness. Envy magnifies molehills into mountains.
Just how foolish envy truly is becomes clear when we think of it as a row of hooks on which to hang grudges. When we envy others, especially our family members, we blind ourselves to the good we could see in all people. We are ignoring life's flowers to gather bouquets of weeds.
When we envy the accomplishments or possessions of another, we will be better off if we look to our own prized possessions, to those things in ourselves that no one else has in exactly the same way.
What riches do I have within and around me?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
If there are two hundred people in a room and one of them doesn't like me, I've got to get out. --Marlon Brando
How much acceptance is enough for us? Do we feel one person's criticism undermines the acceptance of 199 others? Do we get so focused on one person's negative response to us that we cannot hear the positive? If we are unable to accept criticism from others, it becomes a sink without a plug, draining away all the positives we naturally have in our life.
As we become spiritual men, we're able to detach from negative and critical messages. We must still hear them. We must still listen to their messages because we can learn from them. But we can separate ourselves from the negative message. We can make a mistake. Someone can dislike us. But we do not give up our places as equal, worthwhile men for any reason.
God, I pray for your support when my own strength to stand up for myself falters.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
There is a divine plan of good at work in my life. I will let go and let it unfold. --Ruth P. Freedman
We are never certain of the full importance or the eventual impact of any single event in our lives. But of one thing we can be sure: Each experience offers something valuable to our overall development. We must not discount the experiences that are long gone. They contributed to all we've achieved at the present. And wherever today takes us will influence what tomorrow will bring.
Perhaps our greatest difficulty as recovering women is not trusting that life is a process and one that promises goodness. That growth and change are guaranteed. That our lives have design, and we're blessed therein. Trusting isn't easy. But we can learn, and we'll discover freedom.
Letting go of the outcome of every experience, focusing instead on our efforts, making them as good as possible, validates our trust in the ultimate goodness of life. Our frustrations diminish when our efforts, only, are our concern. How much easier our days go when we do our work and leave the outcome where it belongs.
I will know a new freedom when I let go and trust that "my plan" is unfolding as it must. I will do my part, and no more.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Letting Go of Naivete
We can be loving, trusting people and still not allow ourselves to be used or abused. We don't have to let people do whatever they want to us. Not all requests are legitimate! Not all requests require a yes!
Life may test us. People may seek out our weak spots. We may see a common denominator to the limits that are being tested in our life. If we have a weak spot in one area, we may find ourselves tested repeatedly in that area by family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. Life, people, our Higher Power, and the universe may be trying to teach us something specific.
When we learn that lesson, we will find that problems with that area dwindle. The boundary has been set, the power has been owned. For now, the lesson has been learned. We may need to be angry with certain people for a while, people who have pushed our tolerance over the edge. That's okay. Soon, we can let go of the anger and exchange it for gratitude. These people have been here to help us learn about what we don't want, what we won't tolerate, and how to own our power.
We can thank them for what we have learned.
How much are we willing to tolerate? How far shall we let others go with us? How much of our anger and intuition shall we discount? Where are our limits? Do we have any? If we don't, we're in trouble.
There are times to not trust others, but instead trust ourselves and set boundaries with those around us.
Today, I will be open to new awareness about the areas where I need healthier boundaries. I will forego my naive assumption that the other person is always right. I will exchange that view for trusting myself, listening to myself, and having and setting healthy boundaries.


I no longer decide what I should feel. That is very limiting. If I limit my negative feelings, I limit my positive feelings as well. Today I am opening myself to all my feelings. That gives me great joy. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 7
Value the Power of Seeing

I have learned a valuable tool. It is one of the easiest and most powerful tools I’ve been given. I call it the power of seeing.

It is the simple act of observing myself: what I do, how I react, how I respond to others. It is particularly useful in situations that have gotten confused or sticky and I don’t know what to do to become unstuck. When I feel overwhelmed or a situation gets too difficult and I can’t see my way through, I watch myself. It helps.

Learn to observe yourself. Let yourself really see and be present in the moment in the situation you’re in. Watch yourself as a neutral observer would, without judgement. Try to see the other person in the same way. Watch how the two of you interact, respond to each other. Watch yourself think and feel. See the actions you take. You don’t have to talk about what you’re doing; it’s better if you don’t. Just stay with yourself. Do it once. Do it twice. Then do it again.

Soon you’ll begin to see something else: you’ll begin to see the situation change, evolve, take a turn for the better. The power of seeing is one most of us can easily claim. It helps, heals, and sometimes produces miracles. Physicists have deicided that the act of observing can impact the behavior, appearance, or energy of whatever is being observed. How we look at someone, including ourselves, can have an impact, cause a change.

There’s power in seeing. There’s even more power in seeing with the eyes of love.

*****

more language of letting go
Tell yourself how simple it is

Here's another example about the power of simplification.

For years, I heard about hiking. It sounded so elusive, difficult, and mysterious. I didn't do it, but I thought about hiking wistfully. One day, a friend asked me to go hiking with him. "Sure," I said. As the day of our hike approached, I began thinking things through. I was getting a little nervous. What if I couldn't do it well enough? What if I didn't know how to do it at all?

Don't be ridiculous, I scolded myself. You're making this much more complicated than it really is. Hiking is just walking, and you've been doing that since you were ten months old.

The next day, I arose at 6:00 A.M., and my friend and I left for our hike. I followed my friend as he began walking up the steep incline.

Just walk, I told myself after the first ten steps. Put one foot in front of another. Walk like you've done all your life.

I didn't make it to the top of the mountain that day, but I made it almost halfway.

Is there something you've wanted to do but have put off because it sounds too difficult and complicated? Are you saying no to something in your life that you'd like to say yes to, but it seems elusive and out of your reach? Try reducing the task or activity to its simplest form.

I have a friend who hadn't dated for years. One day, a girl he liked asked him to go to the movies. He was anxious and nervous.

"Going to a movie is just sitting down and staring at the screen, then getting up and going home when you've finished," I said. "I think you can do that."

"You're right," he said. He went and had a great time.

Sometimes we can scare ourselves out of doing the easiest thing in life. Yes, hiking involves more than walking. And going on a date with someone involves a little more than sitting and staring at a screen. But not that much more. Simplify things. Bring them down to their most manageable level. Instead of talking yourself out of living, learn to talk yourself into it.

God, give me the courage to fully live my life. Help me deliberately talk myself into doing things, instead of scaring myself away.

*****

Avoiding Negative Vibrations
Taking on the Energy of Others

There are times when you may find that being around certain individuals or groups of people leaves you with feelings of discomfort. It may be that spending time with a particular friend feels draining or that dealing with a specific coworker exhausts you. Being around toxic or angry people is also draining. And you may even find that being surrounded by a crowd of people lowers your energy levels rather than perks you up. This is not that unusual. Each of us radiates energy and is capable of being influenced by the energy of other people. It is important to learn how to shield yourself, so you don’t unknowingly take on someone else’s energy. While some people know how to instinctively protect themselves from being adversely affected by energy, most of us need to discover and practice the technique that works best.

There are a number of ways to avoid being affected by people’s energy. Shielding is one preventative technique you can use. Center yourself and envision being enveloped in a cocoon of loving and protective light. This protective layer should allow you to consciously regulate the energy around you. The intent to shield oneself is all you need for this technique to work. You can even create a trigger word to assist you in quickly creating a shield. Say this word each time you create a new shield, until the word and the shield become automatically associated in your mind. If you run into a person whose energy you find draining, you may want to cleanse your own energy field after your encounter. Sage, cold showers, singing, mineral water baths, spending time in nature, and a simple break to recharge are all ways to accomplish this.

While it is important to know how to shield yourself from energy, there are those energies that you may not want to shut out. The energy of laughter from a newborn baby, the feeling of joy radiating from someone in love, and the frequency of calm emanating from an enlightened teacher are just some of the energies coming from others that you may want to have around you. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 7

Reflection For The Day

When I first read the Serenity Prayer, the word “serenity” itself seemed like an impossibility. At the time, the word conjured up images of lethargy, apathy, resignation, or grim-faced endurance; it hardly seemed a desirable goal. But I’ve since found that serenity means none of those things. Serenity for me today is simply a clear-eyed and realistic way of seeing the world, accompanied by inner peace and strength. My favorite definition is, “Serenity is like a gyroscope that lets us keep our balance no matter what turbulence swirls around us.” Is that a state of mind worth aiming for?

Today I Pray

may I notice that “serenity” comes first, ahead of “courage” and “wisdom,” in the sequence of the Serenity Prayer. May I believe that “serenity” must also come first in my life. I must have the balance, realistic outlook and acceptance that is part of this blessing of serenity before I can go on to the kind of action and decision-making that will bring order to my existence.

Today I Will Remember

Serenity comes first.

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One More Day
October 7

Honor your challenges, for those spaces that you label as dark are actually there to bring you more light.
– Sanaya Roman

Many of us have wondered whether we should begin using adaptive living aids openly. We worry about what people would think if they saw us using equipment that brands us as handicapped. We fear embarrassment. Some folks never solve the problem, and they stay at home, trapped by their fears of being noticed, of being different. It’s difficult to forfeit the anonymity of being the same as everyone else.

One thing is certain — without special gadgets, we have to ask for help. So, with foresight and a fierce sense of independence, many of us grasp any opportunity to “do” for ourselves. We can use aids because they will assist and support our zest for life.

I will risk being different. By using adaptive devices I can remain more independent.

October 8

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Learn what you are and be such. --Pindar
The most precious gift we can give those closest to us is honesty. Yet we often hide our true selves from friends, fearing we won't be accepted or loved if we let them see the real us. Often, we show parts of ourselves that hide who we really are. We have often heard ourselves or others say, "My parents would just die if . . . ," or, "don't argue in front of the children."
If we hide too much behind false images, we run the risk of losing track of what is real and what is false. We become actors instead of real people, trying to please Aunt Jane, our grandparents, our big brother, or our children.
When we conquer our fear of letting others in, we are able to see ourselves honestly. When we discover that others accept us as we are, we can accept and love ourselves. To know oneself is to know a person of value.
What part of me have I been hiding?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
We cannot avoid
Using power,
Cannot escape the compulsion
To afflict the world,
So let us, cautious in diction
And mighty in contradiction,
Love powerfully.
--Martin Buber
The use and misuse of power by men give us much to weep over and much to admire. In our own families we see how our parents fought over power, how they used it both wisely and abusively. Our problems with power and control are a central part of our addictions and codependency. Admitting our powerlessness has started us toward recovery. Admitting our power will help carry us further.
No one is innocent beyond childhood. We affect the people around us, and it matters how we treat them. We cannot come and go unnoticed. Since we will make an impact, we learn to treat ourselves and the people around us with respect and justice. Our only solution is to learn to love and be loved.
Today, I will be more aware of the power I have in others' lives.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
The great creative power is everything. If you leave out one whole chunk of it, by making God only masculine, you have to redress the balance. --Martha Boesing
What a blessing, to be part of God! For many of us, invoking God with a male pronoun put an obstacle in the path of our spiritual growth. We felt left out. Worship of something called "He" or "Him" didn't jibe with our spirituality. When we pray, we pray to a spiritual source that includes everything, that leaves nothing out: sexes, all races, all ages and conditions.
Some of us had no trouble understanding that God is everything, no matter how God is invoked. But whatever our path to spirituality, the Twelve Step program has enriched our understanding. Before we practiced the Twelve Steps, we had allowed ourselves to forget the strength and nurture that are always at hand, and now we are grateful to be reminded that God is with us, within us, and all is well.
One woman says, "When I feel far from God, I ask myself: Who moved?" God is always there. Today I will pray for the wisdom to stay close to my spiritual source, the Creator Spirit.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Learning to Wait
I've started to realize that waiting is an art, that waiting achieves things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve today, however hard you worked, however much money you threw up in the air, however many times you banged your head against the wall. . .
--The Courage to Change by Dennis Wholey
The people who are most successful at living and loving are those who can learn to wait successfully. Not many people enjoy waiting or learning patience. Yet, waiting can be a powerful tool that will help us accomplish much good.
We cannot always have what we want when we want it. For different reasons, what we want to do, have, be, or accomplish is not available to us now. But there are things we could not do or have today, no matter what, that we can have in the future. Today, we would make ourselves crazy trying to accomplish what will come naturally and with ease later.
We can trust that all is on schedule. Waiting time is not wasted time. Something is being worked out - in us, in someone else, in the Universe.
We don't have to put our life on hold while we wait. We can direct our attention elsewhere; we can practice acceptance and gratitude in the interim; we can trust that we do have a life to live while we are waiting - then we go about living it.
Deal with your frustration and impatience, but learn how to wait. The old saying, "You can't always get what you want" isn't entirely true. Often, in life, we can get what we want - especially the desires of our heart - if we can learn to wait.
Today, I am willing to learn the art of patience. If I am feeling powerless because I am waiting for something to happen and I am not in control of timing, I will focus on the power available to me by learning to wait.


Today I'm stretching myself and taking new risks. Today the faith is working to replace the fear that has held me back. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 8
Leave When It’s Time to Go

It’s time to pick up, pack up, and leave.

You knew you wouldn’t be in this situation in this place with these people forever. Trust the rhythms and cycles of life. Take responsibility for yourself within each cycle. Take responsibility for yourself as each cycle ends and a new one begins.

You don’t have to hold onto messengers after they’ve delivered the message in your life, or escorts after they’ve taken you where you were trying to go. You don’t have to stay in a classroom after you’ve learned the lessons and finished that course.

Open your heart. Thank the people, places, and things that have helped create your world, shape you, form your experiences. Then pick up, pack up, and leave. Say good-bye with love and gratitude in your heart.

And go on down the road.

*****

more language of letting go
Go at your own pace

This part of the path was steep. And the altitude change was severe. I was gasping for breath and trying not to grimace at the ache in my legs as my hiking partner strode up the path in front of me.

He stopped and looked back. I was definitely trailing behind. If his legs were aching the way mine were, his stride didn't show it. I knew how it felt to hold yourself back to someone else's pace. I didn't want to do that to him just because I was out of shape.

"You go on ahead," I yelled.

He looked reluctant.

"Go. Hike at your own pace. I'll hike at mine."

I convinced him to leave me behind. Just because we came together didn't mean that we had to hike, or walk as I preferred to call it, in the same stride. My friend went on ahead of me and disappeared from sight. I hiked, then rested, then hiked, then rested. Once, I stopped, took off my backpack, and took a nap.

My friend and I joined up toward the end of the day. We made the trek down the mountain together, side by side.

Even though we simplify things, most things are harder than we think. It's important to let each person go at their own pace. Whether it's working through an issue or tackling a project in your life, find the pace that works for you. Let others do the same.

Don't compare yourself to those around you. Let yourself be energized by their pace, but respect the rhythm that works for you.

God, help me know that each of us has our own rhythm for getting through life. Help me honor and enjoy the rhythms that work for me.

*****

Centered Silliness
Laughing Meditation

by Madisyn Taylor

When we laugh, we give ourselves over to the immediacy of the present moment and transcend stress.


Many people might be surprised to think of laughter as a form of meditation. Yet not only is laughing meditation one of the simplest forms of meditation, but also it is a very powerful one. The physical act of laughing is one of the few actions involving the body, emotions, and the soul. When we laugh, we give ourselves over to the immediacy of the present moment. We also are able to momentarily transcend minor physical and mental stresses. Practiced in the morning, laughing meditation can lend a joyful quality to the entire day. Practiced in the evening, laughing meditation is a potent relaxant that has been known to inspire pleasant dreams. Laughter also can help open our eyes to previously unnoticed absurdities that can make life seem less serious.

There are three stages to mindful laughter. Each stage can last anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. The first stage involves stretching your body like a cat and breathing deeply. Your stretch should start at the hands and feet before you move through the rest of your body. Stretch out the muscles in your face by yawning and making silly faces. The second stage of the meditation is pure laughter. Imagine a humorous situation, remember funny jokes, or think about how odd it is to be laughing by yourself. When the giggles start to rise, let them. Let the laughter ripple through your belly and down into the soles of your feet. Let the laughter lead to physical movement. Roll on the floor, if you have to, and keep on laughing until you stop. The final stage of the meditation is one of silence. Sit with your eyes closed and focus on your breath.

Laughter brings with it a host of positive effects that operate on both the physical and mental levels. It is also fun, expressive, and a way to release tension. Learn to laugh in the present moment, and you’ll find that joy is always there. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 8

Reflection For The Day

Determination — our clenched-jaw resolve that we can do something about everything — is perhaps the greatest hindrance to achieving serenity. Our old tapes tell us, “The difficult can be done immediately; the impossible will take a little longer.” So we tighten up and prepare ourselves for battle, even though we know from long experience that our own will dooms us in advance to failure. Over and over we are told in The Program that we must “Let Go and Let God.” And we eventually do find serenity when we put aside our own will while accepting His will for us. Am I learning to relax my stubborn grip? Do I allow the solutions to unfold by themselves?

Today I Pray

May I loosen my tight-jaw, my tight-fists, my general up-tightness — outward indications of the “do it myself” syndrome which has gotten me into trouble before. May I know from experience that this attitude — of “keep a grip on yourself” and on everybody else, too — is accompanied by impatience and followed by frustration. May I merge my own will with the greater will of God.

Today I Will Remember

Let up on the strangle-hold.

*****

One More Day
October 8

Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other. – Euripides

We may tend to love our family members only with qualifications. Only if they don’t complain about their problems. Only if they are more successful. Perhaps we don’t say this directly, but we might be communicating these qualifications to our loved ones by holding back or by making indirect suggestions as to how they should live their lives.

We may be able to give our love more fully if we remember how much we need acceptance. We don’t want to receive love that is prefaced by “only if . . .” Only if we don’t complain. Only if we stop talking about our illness. We all need the comfort and support of love based on what we are, not on what others think we can or should be. Our loved ones need the same thing.

Knowing I am loved and can love others is an unqualified manner strengthens me.

October 9

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
...but time and chance happeneth to them all. --Ecclesiastes
Life, director of the comedy, always lets things get a little out of hand. We all know what would be normal and right, but the right horse sometimes finishes last in the race, and the jerk has all the money. The wise people, like us, are ignored by all, and the good woman gets in trouble with the law. The saint cheats on his income tax, but he never gets caught the way the needy ones like us do, and the worst sinners get saved in the nick of time, while the fittest sometimes just drop dead.
If all the best-laid plans go wrong, maybe we are meant to learn that such important things aren't so important, after all.
If the skies are custard pies waiting to plop down on our hopeful faces, maybe it is best to accept the gift, count it a blessing, and lick our chops.
How have my failures been successes in disguise?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Nothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understood. --Carl Jung
We so often long to be understood. We imagine it would cure our loneliness and empty feelings. We think of it as a kind of intimacy. Yet, we may be longing for a false goal. We are each a unique man on an incomplete journey. We don't yet fully understand ourselves. There is still much mystery beneath the surface of our being. If our partners or friends completely understood us, where would we go from there? We would no longer belong to ourselves.
Perhaps we are completely understood by our Higher Power but not by another person. It is a fact of life that we continue to grow and to reveal deeper layers of ourselves. We have relationships in which we can share the mysteries as they unfold. We can talk and be understood. In communication we find our closeness and intimacy.
Today, I will remember that at the deepest level no one can fully understand me. I will communicate with others to deal with my loneliness.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
When all of the remedies and all of the rhetorical armor have been dropped, the absence of love in our lives is what makes them seem raw and unfinished. --Ingrid Bengis
Love soothes, encourages, inspires. It enhances our wholeness, both when we give it and when we receive it. Without the expression of love we are severed from our family and friends. It's the bond that strengthens each of us, giving us the courage to tackle what's lying ahead.
We need not wait for someone else's expression of love before giving it. Loving must be unconditional. And when it is, it will be returned tenfold. Loving attracts itself, and it will heal us, soften the hard edges of our lives, and open us up to receive the blessings that others' gratitude will foster.
It's such a simple thing asked of us--to love one another. Unconditional love of our sisters, our lovers, and our children breaks down the barriers to our achievements and theirs. Loving frees us to enjoy life. It energizes us and makes all goals attainable. We carry God's message through our love of one another.
I am charged with only one responsibility today: to love someone, dearly and wholly.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Self-Disclosure
Learning to gently reveal who we are is how we open ourselves up to love and intimacy in our relationships.
Many of us have hidden under a protective shell, a casing that prevents others from seeing or hurting us. We do not want to be that vulnerable. We do not want to expose our thoughts, feelings, fears, weaknesses, and sometimes our strengths, to others.
We do not want others to see who we really are.
We may be afraid they might judge us, go away, or not like us. We may be uncertain that who we are is okay or exactly how we should reveal ourselves to others.
Being vulnerable can be frightening, especially if we have lived with people who abused, mistreated, manipulated, or did not appreciate us.
Little by little, we learn to take the risk of revealing ourselves. We disclose the real person within to others. We pick safe people, and we begin to disclose bits and pieces about ourselves.
Sometimes, out of fear, we may withhold, thinking that will help the relationship or will help others like us more. That is an illusion. Withholding who we are does not help the other person, the relationship, or us. Withholding is behavior that backfires. For true intimacy and closeness to exist, for us to love ourselves and be content in a relationship, we need to disclose who we are.
That does not mean we tell all to everyone at once. That can be a self-defeating behavior too. We can learn to trust ourselves, about who to tell, when to tell, where to tell, and how much to tell.
To trust that people will love and like us if we are exactly who we are is frightening. But it is the only way we can achieve what we want in relationships. To let go of our need to control others - their opinions, their feelings about us, or the course of the relationship - is the key.
Gently, like a flower, we can learn to open up. Like a flower, we will do that when the sun shines and there is warmth.
Today, I will begin to take the risk of disclosing who I am to someone with whom I feel safe. I will let go of some of my protective devices and risk being vulnerable - even though I may have been taught differently, even though I may have taught myself differently. I will disclose who I am in a way that reflects self-responsibility, self-love, directness, and honesty. God, help me let go of my fears about disclosing who I am to people. Help me accept who I am, and help me let go of my need to be who people want me to be.


Today I'm willing to trust that no matter what is going on in my life, I am in the process of growth. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 9
The Scattered Pieces Will Come Together

Scattered pieces. Sometimes we look around, and that’s what we see. Scattered pieces of ourselves, our lives, a project, a season of our lives. Where is the connecting thread, we wonder? How can we ever pull this together into something that makes sense, something with purpose, something with meaning?

There are pieces to every whole, yet each piece is complete. Don’t worry about how they will come together. Work joyfully on the piece that’s before you, the piece that’s in your life today.

There are many pieces of you, many beautiful parts. The universe will help you bring all those parts alive. It will bring mirrors to you, people who will reflect those beautiful pieces back to you. Look in the mirror of your life. What pieces do you see reflected? Know it’s you you’re seeing. Then let that part of you come alive.

Pull in the parts of yourself, the many beautiful parts that have come alive. Beckon your warrior, your healer, your playful child. Bring together your professional self, your adult, the passionate part of you, the nurturing part. Let all the parts come together. Don’t send any of them away. You need them all. Each is a beautiful piece of the soul, the life, the person you are.

Trust. Trust the process. Joy is yours, available for the asking and the desiring– even in the developmental stages. Even before the puzzle has been put together. The scattered pieces will come together– the scattered pieces of yourself, your project, your life. The connecting thread is love.

The picture will be beautiful. Wait and see.

*****

more language of letting go
Lower your expectations

When you're starting a first creative project or beginning the study of an art or craft, what I want you to do is lower your standards until they disappear. That's right. You're not supposed to be any good at the beginning. So you might as well give yourself the liberating gift of joyously expecting yourself to be bad.
--Barbara Sheer and Annie Gotlieb, Wishcraft

When I first began writing newspaper and magazine articles, it took me anywhere from one to three months to complete a short article. After writing a few years, I brought a timer into my office one day. I told myself I knew how to do what I was doing, now I was going to learn to do it more quickly. Before long, I was able to write in two hours what had previously taken me months to accomplish. The key words here are in time.

When I first began recovering from chemical dependency, it took me eight months of treatment to understand what other people were comprehending in six weeks. In time, I became a chemical dependency counselor. In time, I wrote books on the subject. The key words here are in time.

When I first began recovering from codependency, I couldn't tell a control gesture from setting a boundary. I didn't know when I was taking care of myself or what that even meant. I didn't know manipulation from an honest attempt at expressing my emotions. In time, I wrote a best-seller on the subject. Again, the key words are in time.

Start where you are. Start poorly. Just begin. Let yourself fumble, be awkward and confused. If you already knew how to do it, it wouldn't be a lesson in your life. And you wouldn't get the thrill of victory two, five, or ten years from now when you look back and say, "Wow. I've gotten good at that over time."

All things are possible to him or her that believeth, the Bible says. Enjoy those awkward beginnings. Revel in them. They're the key to your success.

God, help me stop putting off living out of fear of dong it poorly. Help me lower my expectations to allow room for awkward beginnings.

Activity: What have you been putting off or avoiding out of fear of beginning badly? Make a list of each accomplishment you have, whether it's graduating from elementary school or college, learning a new skill at a job, or being a parent. Then, write in your journal about how it felt in the beginning. Now, make a list of the things you want to do. Next to your goal, write these words to yourself: I give you permission to do this poorly in the beginning. Document your performance each time you attempt that goal. Keep coming back to this section of your journal until you find yourself logging how well you did.

*****

Answering The Call
Taking Responsibility For Your Destiny

There are those of us who believe that our lives are predestined and that we should resign ourselves to our lots in life. Yet the truth is that it is up to each one of us to decide what that destiny will be. While each of us is born with a life purpose, it is up to us whether or not we will say yes to fulfilling it. And just like when we choose what to eat, who to keep company with, and whether to turn right or left when we leave our home everyday, choosing to say yes to your destiny is a decision that can only be realized when you take action to make that choice a reality.

Whether you believe it is your destiny to be a parent, an adventurer, an artist, a pioneer, or a spiritual guru, saying yes to your destiny is only the first step. While manifesting your destiny starts with knowing what you want and believing you can attain your goals, there are then the actions that must be taken and the decisions to be made before your destiny can truly happen. When you take responsibility for fulfilling your destiny and begin acting with the intention of doing so, you not only take fate into your own hands, but also you become the hands of your own fate. Doorways inevitably open for you to step through, and every choice you make can be a creative act toward realizing your goals and dreams. You begin to follow your instincts and intuition, recognize opportunities when they are presented to you, and seize those golden moments. You also begin to recognize the decisions that may not serve this greater picture and can more easily push them aside.

Remembering that the decision to fulfill your destiny is always a choice can be empowering. Knowing you are fulfilling your destiny because you want to, rather than because you have to, can make a huge difference. When you are freed from obligation, obstacles in your way become challenges to be overcome, and the journey becomes an adventure rather than the obligatory steps you are being forced to take. Your destiny may be waiting for you, but whether or not you meet your destiny is up to you. Your fate is in your hands.

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A Day At A Time
October 9

Reflection For The Day

I remember once hearing someone in The Program say, “Life is a series of agreeing or disagreeing with the universe.” There is much truth in that statement, for I’m only a small cog in the machinery of the universe. When I try to run things my way, I’ll experience only frustration and a sense of failure. If, instead, I learn to let go, success will assuredly be mine. Then I’ll have time to count my blessings, work on my shortcomings, and live fully and richly in The Now. Do I believe that what I am meant to know will come to my knowledge if I practice the Eleventh Step — praying only for the knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry that out?

Today I Pray

May I take my direction from the Eleventh Step — and not fall into my usual habit of making itemized list for god of all my pleas and entreaties and complaints. May I no longer second-guess God with my specific solutions, but pray only that His will be done. May I count my blessings instead of my beseeching.

Today I Will Remember

Stop list-making for God.

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One More Day
October 9

Bitterness and anger seem to be very closely related and are interchangeable words for the same emotion.
– Robert Lovering

Bitterness and anger don’t arrive out of the blue when there is a health change. Chronic illness doesn’t cause these reactions, but it may bring these and other feelings to light.

If negative emotions and attitudes cause us pain or embarrassment, if we are unhappy with ourselves, it may be time to take a personal inventory. How do we act toward other people? What do we expect? Do we create our own problems?

We can change negative into positives, but it requires time and great emotional effort. Our attitudes do improve when we want to change, when we’re willing to grow, and when we’re patient with ourselves.

I can begin today to change my negative emotions by admitting them and asking for the help I need.

October 10

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Look, the wind vane fluttering in the autumn breeze
Takes hold of certain things that cannot be held. --Feng Chih
When we think we are losing our grip, we have good reason to look up. Consider the moon suspended in the sky, how it continues to come and go, follows its natural law, and never really loses face. Consider the sun, the stars, the seasons, how they refuse to abandon us, to let go of their hold on our lives. And come closer to home. We can marvel at the magic of small efficient things--the toaster and stove, the light in the room, the words in a good book that are permanent, faithful, and clear. We can consider how music, without saying a word, still speaks to us, and how a few friends, maybe miles away, continue to hang on to the strength of our small and faithful words.
We can keep in mind that we are part of a complex and loving system, and our grip can never be lost.
How do I see my unity with my surroundings today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes. --Victor Frankl
When we stand and look at a mountain, it looks awesome, majestic, and perhaps intimidating. To climb the mountain we will need to select a route. Which approach will give us success? Which will provide a beautiful view? Which is safest? What are the rewards and trade offs among the paths available?
In our lives, we usually cannot choose the mountains that face us, but we can choose the best paths to approach them. One path may be a very negative attitude. It may feel safe like a narrow, protected passageway. It is predictable, but it keeps us cut off from others. Another path may be filled with too many self-indulgent pleasures and never progress in any direction. Another path may be hard and include some risks, but it allows us to be in contact with others and to appreciate the beauty along the way. When we make positive choices about our attitudes, although the mountain is challenging, we are liberated to become the kind of men we're meant to be.
Today, I will choose friendly attitudes toward myself that will help me on my journey.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Sometimes it's worse to win a fight than to lose. --Billie Holiday
Our struggles with other people always take their toll on us. They often push us to behavior we're not proud of. They may result in irreparable rifts. They frequently trigger an emotional relapse. No battle is worth the damage to the psyche that nearly any battle can cause. Nonresistance is the safer way to chart our daily course.
Bowing with the wind, flowing with the tide, eases the steps we need to take, the steps that will carry us to our personal fulfillment. Part of the process of our growth is learning to slide past the negative situations that confront us, coming to understand that we are in this life to fulfill a unique purpose. The many barriers that get in our way can strengthen our reliance on God if we'll let them. People or situations need never thwart us. We will profit from taking all experiences in our stride. The course we travel is the one we chart. The progress we make toward our life goals is proportionate to the smoothness of our steps.
I will flow with the tide. It will assuredly move me closer to my destination.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Payoffs from Destructive Relationships
Sometimes it helps to understand that we may be receiving a payoff from relationships that cause us distress.
The relationship may be feeding into our helplessness or our martyr role.
Maybe the relationships feeds our need to be needed, enhancing our self-esteem by allowing us to feel in control or morally superior to the other person.
Some of us feel alleviated from financial or other kinds of responsibility by staying in a particular relationship.
"My father sexually abused me when I was a child," said one woman. "I went on to spend the next twenty years blackmailing him emotionally and financially on this. I could get money from him whenever I wanted, and I never had to take financial responsibility for myself."
Realizing that we may have gotten a codependent payoff from a relationship is not a cause for shame. It means we are searching out the blocks in ourselves that may be stopping our growth.
We can take responsibility for the part we may have played in keeping ourselves victimized. When we are willing to look honestly and fearlessly at the payoff and let it go, we will find the healing we've been seeking. We'll also be ready to receive the positive, healthy payoffs available in relationships, the payoffs we really want and need.
Today, I will be open to looking at the payoffs I may have received from staying in unhealthy relationships, or from keeping destructive systems operating. I will become ready to let go of my need to stay in unhealthy systems; I am ready to face myself.


Today I will do something very special just for me. I will treat myself to something I want to have or do and feel good about myself while I do it. My life is very important to me and I have the right to be happy. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 10
We Are Transmitters and Receivers

We are a finely tuned instrument– body, mind, and soul. We receive messages, we receive guidance. And we transmit energy– the energy of love.

When we become off center, we become like two-way radios whose tuners aren’t on the right frequency. We aren’t receiving or transmitting clearly. We hear and feel the static. Often, instinctively, that’s when we start broadcasting more loudly, sometimes screaming to be heard. Now is not the time to crank up the volume.

Take the time you need to get centered, to get peaceful. What do you need to do? What do you need to feel? What healing resources do you need to utilize? What’s your voice, your quiet, trustworthy inner voice, the one that speaks through your heart, urging you to do?

Taking time to get centered and peaceful isn’t selfish. It’s not a waste of time. When we’re receiving clearly, we transmit clearly.

And the frequency we use is love.

*****

more language of letting go
See how it feels to do it right

In skydiving, there's an activity called dirt diving. At the drop zone, you'll see people lying on their bellies on contraptions that look like skateboards. They make all the moves on the ground as if they were free-falling through the air. They're training their bodies and themselves to do it right. They're experiencing how it feels to do it right.

Do you have something you're trying to learn how to do? Are you struggling to let go of someone? Are you trying to do something for the first time-- conquer your fear of flying or write a book? Do you have a meeting scheduled that's causing you some strain? Maybe you need to approach your boss and ask for a raise.

See yourself doing it. Quiet yourself first by deliberately relaxing each part of your body and mind. Then imagine yourself doing it, whatever it is. See how it feels to do it right. Go into each detail of how you would feel if you were doing it right.

If you encounter a block that keeps you from moving forward smoothly in your visualization time, ask your Higher Power or yourself how to remedy or release that block. Do you have a fear that's blocking you? Is it new or an old fear? Maybe it's concern over what somebody told you long ago about your inadequacy. Release that energy, then start all over again, seeing what it feels like to do it right. Keep at your visualization until you can go through the entire process smoothly, from beginning to end.

If you try but can't imagine yourself doing something, much less see how it feels to do it right, maybe you're trying to do something that's not right for you. Ask your Higher Power for guidance about that,too.

Visualization can give us time to safely dirt-dive and work through awkwardness, fears, and potential blocks and problems. Sometimes spending quiet time trying to visualize how it feels to do it right can give us a message that either this is or isn't the right time or thing for us.

God, help me use my mental powers to create the most positive scenes I can imagine taking place in my life.

*****

Best Friends
A Warm Refuge

by Madisyn Taylor

Our best friends are a warm refuge in which we feel free to be fully ourselves.


By the time we reach adulthood, many of us have had the good fortune to have at least one best friend. If we have moved around or changed our life situation repeatedly, we may be lucky enough to have had several. The best friend relationship is often our earliest intimate peer relationship, and it can be a source of great warmth and connection throughout our lives. The details of best friendship change as we grow up and grow older, but the heart of it remains the same. Our best friends are a warm refuge in which we feel free to be fully ourselves, to share our deepest secrets, to rest when we are tired, to celebrate when we are happy—a place in which we feel utterly welcome to give and receive that most precious of all gifts, love.

Most intimate relationships hit bumps from time to time, and one of the hallmarks of an enduring best friendship is its ability to ride out the turbulence and remain intact even as it faces changes. Our best friends are those who manage to love us through all of our transitions, as we do the same for them. We find ways to embrace and appreciate the differences that set us apart and offer love and support no matter what. We allow each other to be exactly as we are at a given moment, even as we allow each other to change over time. In this way, best friends sometimes feel like family. We know we will stick together regardless of where our individual paths lead.

We may be on the phone with our best friends every day, or we may not have spoken for a year, yet we know that our bond will be strong and immediate when we do connect. This bond ties us together even when we are apart and draws us blissfully back into the warm refuge of each other’s company when our paths bring us together again.

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A Day At A Time
October 10

Reflection For The Day

When we allow our Higher Power to take charge, without reservations on our part, we stop being “anxious.” When we’re not anxious about some person or situation, that doesn’t mean we’re disinterested or have stopped caring. Just the opposite is true. We can be interested and caring without being anxious or fearful. The poised, calm and faith-filled person brings something positive to every situation. He or she is able to do the things that are necessary and helpful. Do I realize how much better prepared I am to do wise and loving things if I banish anxious thoughts and know that God is in charge?

Today I Pray

I pray that I may be rid of the anxiety which I have equated in my mind with really caring about people. May I know that anxiety is not an item of outerwear that can be doffed like a cap. May I know that I must have serenity within myself and confidence that God can do a better job that I can — and then my anxiety will lessen.

Today I Will Remember

Anxiety never solved anything.

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One More Day
October 10

But if a man happens to find himself … he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life.
– James Michener

If only, we think, I could regain that joy, that feeling of being so pleased with myself that I had as a child. if we think about it, we might decide that the child didn’t disappear; it may still be waiting to be freed once again.

We can pause and look at what we have become as adults. If we see self-worth by pleasing or impressing others, we may have stopped listening to that childlike voice that tells us to trust ourselves. Dignity, self-worth, contentment — these things grow out of a sense of self, not from the opinions of others.

The choices I make today will be based on my own values.

October 11

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
A musician must make music; an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. --Abraham Maslow
The same is true of a seamstress, carpenter, homemaker, lawyer, or mechanic. The question is, Who and what am I? What must I do to be at peace with myself? What can I be, for that is what I must be?
A lucky few of us find the answers to these questions fairly early in life, and we work to develop into the people we can be and must be. We do that by looking at our deepest desires, and ask what would bring fulfillment for us. We ask what we would enjoy doing most, what we believe we have the ability to be really good at. What is it that sometimes burns within us to be expressed or done? The answers to what we can be, what we must be, come from within, through asking ourselves these questions.
What kind of a person am I capable of being?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine. --Susan Sontag
In recovery, we grow in many ways and become more comfortable with the many subtle colors in our personalities. We have a greater range of all human qualities available to us now. We are more light and playful at times and more serious at others. We can cuddle up like a dependent child, or we can be the one who is responsible under pressure. We can be tough and virile, and we can be soft and gentle. One musical tone playing in harmony with another makes a song more beautiful. Because we have made peace within ourselves, our masculinity is not threatened.
As we discover many new feelings and reactions, it is natural to wonder if they are normal. When we talk with others about the ways we have changed, we learn they have similar feelings. As we become more at peace with ourselves, the various sides of our personalities complement each other, and we appreciate the harmony within us and in our friends.
Today, I am grateful for the richness and variety within myself.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Be still and listen to the stillness within. --Darlene Larson Jenks
No answer eludes us if we turn to the source of all answers--the stillness within. Prayer accompanied by meditation will always provide the answers we need for the situations facing us. The answers we want are not guaranteed, however. We must trust that we will be directed to take the right steps. Our well being is assured if we let go of the control and turn our wills over to the care of God, our messenger within.
How comforting to know that all answers are as close as our quiet moments. God never chooses to keep them from us. We simply fail to quiet our thoughts long enough to heed them. Our minds race, obsessively, all too often. We jump from one scenario to another, one fear to another, and one emotion to another. And each time our thoughts capture a new focus; we push the answer we seek further into the background.
The process is simple, if I want to follow it. The answers await me if I truly want them. I need only sit quietly and ask God to offer the guidance I need. And then I will sit quietly some more.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Recovery
How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . .
Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people's hands. We call this codependency.
The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace - within ourselves. We know our happiness isn't controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.
Then we decide that although we'd like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.
Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That's called recovery.
It's easy to point our finger at another, but it's more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.
Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.


Today I know it's okay to place myself first sometimes. Today I'm doing something very special for myself. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 11
Honor Your Connection to Your Body

Our bodies are matter, the physical form we have assumed. They are infused with our energy, our soul.

My awareness of the body-mind-soul connection came slowly, over many years. I had spent many years denying I had a body, denying its importance. I felt disconnected from it, as though it were something apart from me, a burden I had to carry around and live with. Then I began to see the connection between my emotions and the aches and pains– and sometimes illnesses– my body was experiencing. If I didn’t feel the feeling, listen to myself, my body would pound out the pain until it was heard that way. Energy needs to be discharged somewhere. If it isn’t discharged, the body will absorb and feel it as pain. I began to see the connection between changes in my life and changes in my body, the way the earth marks changing seasons and cycles.

I began to get massages, exercise, and slowly trust the wisdom of my body. I became connected to my body. Yes, I was a soul. Yes, I had a heart. Emotions. Thought. But to live on the physical plane of earth, we need a body. Our body is part of us. It is us. It holds the scars of our life to date, the stories of our life so far, it contains the wisdom and energy of what we need today and tomorrow.

Honor your connection to your body. Honor and value your body’s wisdom. It can tell you many things about your life, your growth, your past, and your path. Learn to listen to your body , and it will speak openly and lovingly to you.

*****

Make use of your imaginative powers

It was a small ad in a catalog for an electric flossing machine. "I don't have the time or energy to floss," the man in the ad declared. "That's why I need this machine to do it for me."

Too busy and too tired?

Some of us complain about all the things we have to do to maintain spiritual health. Prayer. Meditation. Attending support groups. All these things take time and energy, even though we get a good return on the time we invest. Now, we're considering adding another activity to our already full self-care activities list: spending time and energy visualizing to help create positive events in our lives.

When someone first suggested I use visualization as a tool, my reaction was similar to one of the man in the ad. I don't have the time. I'm too busy and tired.

But we're always thinking about something and creating pictures in our minds. Usually what we see are worst case scenarios. So why not take the time, effort, and energy we're already using to see things not working out and instead visualize things working out? If we've got enough time and energy to see the negative what if's, we've got the time and energy to visualize positive events,too.

Visualizing isn't a form of control. Just because we see things working out well doesn't guarantee that they will. But if we can see it, it's more likely to happen than if we can't see it at all.

God, help me use the powers of thought and imagination in the most creative way I can.

*****

Setting a Limit to Sit with Emotions
How Long

When an emotion haunts us, it is often because we are afraid of really feeling it.


Our emotions color our lives with varying palettes. Sometimes we feel a strong emotion in reaction to something that has happened, but emotions also visit us seemingly out of the blue, flooding us unexpectedly with joy or grief or melancholy. Like the weather, they come and go, influencing our mental state with their particular vibration. Sometimes a difficult emotion hangs around longer than we would like, and we begin to wonder when it will release its hold on us. This is often true of grief stemming from loss, for example, or lingering anger over a past event.

Usually, if we allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully when they come up, they recede naturally, giving way to another and another. When an emotion haunts us, it is often because we are afraid of really feeling it. Emotions like despair and rage are powerful, and it is natural to want to hold them at bay. Certainly, we don’t want to let them take us over so that we say or do things we later regret. When we are facing this kind of situation, it can be helpful to ask the spirit, “How long do I need to sit with these emotions, how long do I need to feel these emotions before they can pass?” If you ask sincerely and wait, an answer will come. Setting a time limit on your engagement with that difficult emotion may be just the technique you need to face it fully.

When you have a sense of how much time you need to spend, set a timer. Sit down and make yourself available to the emotion that has been nagging you. All you have to do is feel it. Avoid getting attached to it or rejecting it. Simply let it ebb and flow within you. Emotions are by their nature cyclical, so you can trust that just as one reaches its apex it will pass. Each time you sit with its presence without either repressing or acting out, you will find that that difficult emotion was the catalyst for much needed emotional healing. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 11

Reflection For The Day

When I say the Serenity Prayer, sometimes over and over, I occasionally lose sight of the prayer’s meaning even as I repeat its words. So I try to think of the meaning of each phrase as I say it, whether aloud or silently. As I concentrate on the meaning, my understanding grows, along with my capability to realize the difference between what I can change, and what I cannot. Do I see that most improvements in my life will come from changing my own attitudes and actions?

Today I Pray

May my Higher Power show me new and deeper meanings in the Serenity Prayer each time I say it. As I apply it to my life’s situations and relationships, may its truth be underlined for me again and again. May I realize that serenity, courage and wisdom are all that I need to cope with living, but that none of these three have value unless they grow out of my trust in a Higher Power.

Today I Will Remember

God’s formula for living; Serenity, courage and wisdom.

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One More Day
October 11

Power said to the world, “You are mine,” The world kept it prisoner on her throne. Love said to the world, “I am thine.” The world gave it the freedom of her house.
– Rabindranath Tagore

We all need to test our spiritual muscles. At first those muscles may seem weak. It’s natural after a lengthy bout with illness to wonder why we were chosen for pain, misery, or illness.

After a time, we become ready to learn more about our own spirituality. We open our minds and our hearts. As we explore this wonderful side of ourselves, we discover our worth, our strengths, our wholeness. And we discover that we are not alone, that a Higher Power is sharing His strength and peace with us.

Today, I will learn more about my spirituality than I knew yesterday. I will feel the peace and strength given to me by my Higher Power.

October 12

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard; but our own is worth a hundred of it. . . . --Mark Twain
There was once a young girl who thought that if only she tried a little harder, she could please her parents; if only she were prettier, her friends would like her better. She tried constantly to gain their approval. Sometimes they said they liked her, and sometimes they didn't.
Then one night a fairy came to her in a dream and told her, "You are fine just the way you are. You don't have to change. I want you to start noticing your own beauty and loving yourself exactly the way you are."
Doing what the fairy suggested--giving love and approval to herself--wasn't easy, but she found that when she did it she felt a peace that was not dependent on what others thought. She thanked her fairy for caring enough to come and give her such wise advice.
What are some things I like about myself?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
I resolve to meet evil courageously, but when even a small temptation cometh, I am in sore straits. That which seemeth trifling sometimes giveth rise to a grievous temptation. --Thomas a' Kempis
Even in recovery, we know we are vulnerable men, always subject to a return to old patterns. Sometimes we can understand the triggering event; other times there is no apparent reason for temptation to reappear. Perhaps it comes when we least expect it, when our guard is lowest. We may be tempted simply because we are addicts or codependents. Our powerlessness reminds us of our need for faithfulness to the program.
When we think we have moved beyond the draw of old behaviors, we veer away from our path of recovery. In saying we have grown out of our powerlessness, or that our resolve can now protect us, we are heading back into old troubles. Admitting the truth is unsettling. It also makes us more honest, more accessible, more spiritual, and more ready to deal with threats to our recovery.
I live with my powerlessness every day. Help me admit it to myself.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
...there are two entirely opposite attitudes possible in facing the problems of one's life. One, to try and change the external world, the other, to try and change oneself. --Joanna Field
God grant us the courage to change what we can--ourselves. How difficult it is to let go of our struggles to control and change someone else. How frequently we assume that everything would be fine if only someone else would change. All that needs to change is an attitude, our own.
Taking responsibility for improving one's own life is an important step toward emotional health. Blaming another for our circumstances keeps us stuck and offers no hope for improved conditions. Personal power is as available as our decision to use it. And it is bolstered by all the strength we'll ever need. The decision to take our lives in hand will exhilarate us. The decision each day to be thoughtful, prayerful, and wholly responsible for all that we do will nourish our developing selves. Each responsible choice moves us toward our wholeness, strengthening our sense of self, our well-being.
I will change only who I can today: myself.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Being Gentle with Ourselves
During Times of Grief
The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief.
We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced, temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.
Grief is heavy. It can wear us down.
It's okay to be gentle with ourselves when we're gong through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain the disciplines of recovery. But we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.
We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is okay to accept ourselves, and our changed needs, during times of grief, stress, and change.
It is okay to allow ourselves to cocoon during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process, and trust that a new, exciting energy is being created within us.
Before long, we will take wings and fly.
God, help me accept my changed needs during times of grief, change, and loss.


I do not let pain or discomfort stop me from looking at myself in a true and honest light. I do not run away from myself today or block or disguise my reality. I face my life fully today to learn from its lessons. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 12
Trust Yourself to Know What’s Right

Sometimes we find ourselves with people or in places we can’t adapt to. No matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want it to, it just doesn’t feel right. Doesn’t fit. We are trying to jam the proverbial square peg into the round hole. Only what we’re trying to jam isn’t a block of wood– it’s us.

Sometimes in situations like these we revert to old ways of thinking, believing, and feeling. There must be something wrong with me if I don’t like this, if this isn’t working. If I try harder, control my emotions, jam a little harder, this square peg– me– will fit.

Those are the times we may begin to feel confused, weak, scattered, uncertain. We abandon ourselves. Our emotions disappear. Our passion wanes. We may begin sleeping, escaping, drifting further and further away. Our soul begins squirming in reaction to what we’re trying to force ourselves to do. We may become physically ill. It’s as though we’re allergic to our surroundings. Sometimes, we may spend years in this process– depending on what we’re afraid to face or what we’re afraid to lose. Other times, this process may only last hours or days,.

We can take as much time as we need to listen to and take care of ourselves. But if we love ourselves, we won’t torture ourselves for long, because we know we don’t have to. If a place or person or situation doesn’t work for us, that’s okay. We don’t have to punish ourselves. We don’t have to go away from ourselves. We can leave the situation.

Trust yourself– your body and your soul– to know what’s right for you. Learn to feel the energy of a situation, place, or person. If something feels right, you feel in harmony mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t abandon yourself. Leave the situation. Try something else until you do feel right.

You may not always know at first when a thing, place, or person is wrong for you. But if you listen to your body and trust your heart, you can learn to tell when it’s right.

*****

more language of letting go
See it and let it go

This is a reminder. While you're using your imagination, embracing your dreams, and spending your time visualizing positive performance, don't forget to let go.

Don't worry about how things will come to pass. Your part is seeing the best for yourself. Then return to the details of your daily life.

It's safe to let go and let God. Just because we have the creative powers to imagine doesn't mean we have to control the rest. Say, I see, then let it go.

Let God work the manifest.

God, after I've seen my dreams and visualizations, help me give them back to you.

*****

Expressions of the Heart
Creating Meaningful Homemade Gifts

The gifts we craft with our own hands are often the most significant because the love that drove us to create is infused in the products of our creation. And the recipients of these homemade offerings receive a token of our willingness to invest ourselves in their joy. Allow these ideas to inspire you:

1. When you craft a beautifully decorated prayer box (or jar) for loved ones, you give them the gift of spiritual awareness. As you share this gift, explain that it should serve as a receptacle for their hopes, dreams, and loves—as well as worries—and thus a reminder of who they were, are, and will someday be.

2. If you love journaling, share your writing joy with family and friends by giving each a unique, handmade personal journal. A simple spiral notebook dressed up with paper, fabric, photographs, or other embellishments will give your loved ones a special place to record their private thoughts.

3. Erase the distance between yourself and your far away loved ones by presenting each with a photo journal documenting how your life has changed in the past year. Or introduce them to your locale with a homemade guidebook that highlights everything you love about your town or city.

4. When you sew medicine bags for the people you care about, you can rest assured your gift will always be close to their hearts. A small pouch can be filled with many meditative or symbolic items, such as quartz crystals, sage, or magical objects.

5. A progressive photo album, wherein pictures tell the story of your relationships from the past up to the present, can be a simple yet poignant reminder of the many wonderful experiences you and your loved ones have shared over the years.

6. Give the gift of serenity with a guided meditation you create and record to CD or tape. Your loved ones will take pleasure in being led through tranquil landscapes by the soothing sound of your voice.

7. Hand-crafted ornaments that can be hung on trees, in windows, and on walls afford you an opportunity to surround the important people in your life with beauty. Whether you prefer to work with clay, crystals, fabric, baked dough, or natural objects, your gift can serve as a calming focal point in your loved ones’ homes.

Whether you choose to give a gift or simply share your friendship and love, remember that it is the intention behind the thought that is most important. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 12

Reflection For The Day

Many people we meet in The Program radiate a kind of special glow — a joy for living that shows in their faces and very bearing. They’ve put aside alcohol and other mood-altering chemicals and have progressed to the point where they’re “high” on life itself. Their confidence and enthusiasm are contagious — especially to those who are new in The Program. The astonishing thing to newcomers is that those same joyous people also were once heavily burdened. The miracle of their before-and-after stories and new outlook is living proof that The Program works. Does my progress in The Program serve to carry the message to others?

Today I Pray

I pray that my own transformation through The Program — from burdened to unburdened, beaten down to unbeat, careless to caring, tyrannized by chemicals to chemically free -0- will be as much inspiration for newcomers as the dramatic changes to other’ lives have been for me. May I — like those other joyous ones in the fellowship — learn how to be “high on life.”

Today I Will Remember

Life is the greatest “high” of them all.

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One More Day
October 12

Joy . . . is found only in the good things of the soul.
– Philo

Every day has its ups and downs — its good and bad moments. The joys that today offers must be personally claimed, by each of us, or they will pass by unnoticed.

The events that cause a joyful experience are different for all individuals. We sometimes share joyful experiences with other people. Watching an infant walk for the first time can be a shared joy and a lasting memory. Recognizing that our friends, or perhaps even ourselves, have found help in dealing with personal problems or harmful behaviors can also be joyful experiences.

Joy can also be a private time — fishing on a lovely morning, watching the petals of a flow unfold, or being part of a growing relationship. All contribute to our sense of well-being.

In this day, I will be aware of the people and activities that give me joy.

October 13

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
...(the king) can deprive them of the benefit of sun and rain, . . . and they are at the same time pelted from above with great stones, . . . while the roofs of their houses are beaten to pieces. --Jonathan Swift
How do we punish those momentarily gone wrong? Do we try hurting with words--jab them in the heart with some spear-shaped phrases, slap them in the face with an insult or two? Maybe we like to poison them with a strong dose of silence. Have we tried to make them feel bad by making them feel sorry for us? Do we remind them daily that what went wrong with our lives is really all their fault?
We must remember that we are the rulers of our own lives only, and this knowledge gives us the power to punish only ourselves. It also gives us control over our lives, so that others' actions need not wrong us, and we need not punish.
Have I been punishing someone?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
I can sing a prayer as well as say it. --Baal Shem Tov
Lightness of spirit, song, and liberation are the products of a hearty spirituality. There is never a moment we don't have reason to fret or mourn. If we need to grieve, our recovery helps and supports us. But more than that, we are freed in this new life to be men of song and humor. We can sing although life is painful, because we are part of a group of recovering people. We're part of an unfolding mystery. We have love and it is beautiful.
Each time we let go of a secret or an old guilt or a worry about the future, our spirit is lightened. Maybe we experience this at its fullest while spending time with friends who take us just as we are. Perhaps we find it by seeing a funny movie or singing with a group. In the wisdom of the Steps, we are asked to do difficult and painful tasks, which lead to our spiritual awakening. A light spirit celebrates the outcome of our hard work.
I will remember that my laughter and song are also ways of praying.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Never turn down a job because you think it's too small; you don't know where it can lead. --Julia Morgan
How short is our vision of where an invitation might take us! Any invitation. Of one thing we can be certain, it offers an opportunity for making a choice, which means taking responsibility for who we're becoming. Choice making is growth enhancing because it strengthens our awareness of personal power.
Our lives unfold in small measures, just as small as they need to be for our personal comfort. It's doubtful that we could handle everything the future has in store, today; however, we will be prepared for it, measure by measure, choice by choice, day by day. We need not fear; what is meted out to us in the invitations offered is for our benefit. We are on a pathway to goodness.
The thrill of making choices is new to many of us when we enter this program. We'd opted for the passive life, all too often, and we became increasingly aware of, and often depressed by, our self-imposed powerlessness. Free at last! We are free at last to fully participate in our lives.
I will be grateful for the many options to act tugging at me today. Every choice I make strengthens my womanhood.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Substance over Form
I'm learning that for a variety of reasons, I've spent much of my life focusing on form rather than substance. My focus has been on having my hair done perfectly, wearing the right clothes, having my makeup applied perfectly, living in the right place, furnishing it with the right furniture, working at the right job, and having the right man. Form, rather than substance, has controlled my behavior in many areas of my life. Now, I'm finally getting to the truth. It's substance that counts. --Anonymous
There is nothing wrong in wanting to look our best. Whether we are striving to create a self, a relationship, or a life, we need to have some solid ideas about what we want that to look like.
Form gives us a place to begin. But for many of us, form has been a substitute for substance. We may have focused on form to compensate for feeling afraid or feeling inferior. We may have focused on form because we didn't know how to focus on substance.
Form is the outline; substance is what fills it in. We fill in the outline of ourselves by being authentic; we fill in the outline of our life by showing up for life and participating to the best of our ability.
Now, in recovery, we're learning to pay attention to how things work and feel, not just to what they look like.
Today, I will focus on substance in my life. I will fill in the lines of myself with a real person - me. I will concentrate on the substance of my relationships, rather than what they look like. I will focus on the real working of my life, instead of the trappings.


I am at peace today knowing that God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 13
You Are on Time

Quit wondering, worrying, and blaming yourself for being late. Or worse yet, missing the boat.

“Nothing else in the universe frets about being late. Does the moon ask itself if it’s where it should be? Does the sun say, “I must hurry, else I’ll be late?” a friend asked one evening when I was worrying about not being on time.

Stare up into the sky on a beautiful moonlit night. Feel the quiet, timeless rhythm of the planets, the moon, the stars, the universe. Know that you’re connected, tuned into a rhythm deeper and more secure than all your wondering could imagine. Breathe deeply. Relax. Let your pace spring from knowing that inside your heart.

Trust the rhythm of the universe. You are right where you need to be. You’ll get where you need to go. You have all the time you need.

*****

more language of letting go
Let go of what you can't see,too

Let life unfold, even if you can't see the good that you want coming your way. Are you worried about what's going to happen next? Has there been a shift in your job or relationship that makes you tense?

Let life unfold. Don't limit it by the past or even by what you can see and visualze. Don't deny that you feel discouraged or anxious. Let today unfold. Then tomorrow, do the same. If you've been worrying about something and you can't see how it could possibly work out and there's nothing to do now, then relax and let things unfold.

Sometimes the unexpected things that manifest are better than what we can imagine or see. Even if we can't see the good coming our way, God can.

God, help me know that what is unseen today will be made clear when the time is right.

*****

The Start of Change
Breaking Family Cycles

by Madisyn Taylor

Breaking the chains of family cycles can be done, and it only takes one person to step and take action.

It is easy to believe that in leaving our childhood homes and embarking upon the journey of adulthood, we have effectively removed ourselves from harmful and self-perpetuating familial patterns. In looking closely at ourselves, however, we may discover that our behaviors and beliefs are still those that were impressed upon us during our youth by our parents, grandparents, and the generations that preceded them. We may find ourselves unconsciously perpetuating cycles of the previous generations, such as fear of having enough, not showing affection, and secrecy patterns. Yet the transmission of negative patterns from one generation to the next is not inevitable. It is possible to become the endpoint at which negative family cycles that have thrived for generations are exhausted and can exert their influence no longer. Breaking the pattern is a matter of overcoming those values imprinted upon us long ago in order to replace them with pure love, tolerance, and conscious awarenes! s.

Even if you have struggled with the cumulative effects of family cycles that were an expression of established modes of living and a reflection of the strife your ancestors were forced to endure, you can still liberate yourself from the effects of your family history. The will to divest yourself of old, dark forms of familial energy and carry forth a new loving energy may come in the form of an epiphany. You may one day simply realize that certain aspects of your early life have negatively affected your health, happiness, and ability to evolve as an individual. Or you may find that in order to transcend long-standing patterns of limiting beliefs, irrational behavior, and emotional stiltedness, you have to question your values and earnestly examine how your family has impacted your personality. Only when you understand how family cycles have influenced you can you gain freedom from those cycles.

In order to truly change, you must give yourself permission to change. Breaking family patterns is in no way an act of defiance or betrayal. It is important that you trust yourself implicitly when determining the behaviors and beliefs that will help you overwrite the generation-based cyclical value system that limited your individual potential. Many people are on the earth at this time to break family cycles, for all of you are true pioneers. In breaking negative family cycles, you will discover that your ability to express your feelings and needs grows exponentially and that you will embark upon a journey toward greater well-being that can positively impact generations to come. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 13

Reflection For The Day

My progress in recovery depends in large measure of my attitude, and my attitude is up to me. It’s the way I decide to look at things. Nobody can force an attitude on me. For me, a good attitude is a point of view unclouded by self-pity and resentments. There will be stumbling blocks in my path, without a doubt. But The Program has taught me that stumbling blocks can be turned into stepping stones for growth. Do I believe, as Tennyson put it, “that men may rise on stepping stones of their dead selves to hide things…”?

Today I Pray

May God help me cultivate a healthy attitude toward myself. The Program and other people. God, keep me from losing my spiritual stabilizers, which keep me level in purpose and outlook. Let me ignore self-pity, discouragement and my tendency to over-dramatize. Let no dead-weight burden throw me out of balance.

Today I Will Remember

I can’t be discouraged with God on my side.

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One More Day
October 13

You learn to build your roads on today, because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
– Veronica Shoffstal

We may have lived a significant portion of our adult lives planning for the future. Although we must make some provision for tomorrow — savings accounts, wills, pension plans — our attempts to live a full, rewarding life must be made each day.

Growth occurs in the present; it’s never accomplished if it’s postponed until tomorrow. Each day we choose the direction of our lives, whether we know it or not. Either we take positive steps toward better goals and stronger values, or we move not at all by “planning” our lives in some uncertain future.

I will make good choices for myself in the reality of today.

October 14

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances. --Julia Soul
Do we avoid making new friends because we're scared they won't like us? Do we get embarrassed when we make a mistake and avoid trying again? When we get our feelings hurt, do we think we're bad, or that something is wrong with us?
Being scared or shy or hurt are all part of being alive. When we try to stay away from painful feelings, we keep ourselves from having many wonderful adventures. If we're afraid to meet new people, we may never have any close friends. If we stop trying when we're embarrassed, we may never learn a better way of doing things. And if we don't share our hurt feelings, we may never find out that everyone else has the same feelings we have.
What can I try again today that I failed at yesterday?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
No man is more cheated than the selfish man. --Henry Ward Beecher
When we're selfish, we close off the channels of exchange with others. Not only are we grabbing and holding all the goods or attention we can get, but we are denying others the possibility of sharing with us in the benefits. We may be selfish in material goods, but there are many other ways too. Some of us expect our spouses to meet our needs while we make little effort to meet theirs. Some of us discover our selfishness as we drive, refusing to yield a position to another car or getting furious if we lose a place in heavy traffic.
By contrast, our generosity and welcoming responses nourish the spirit within us and create a good environment for our growth. Sometimes giving does not come easily. We have a more generous spirit when we are in touch with our ultimate vulnerability. All of life is fragile, and we need each other to have a good life. We can truly hold onto nothing but ourselves. Giving what we can of our time, our energy, and our goods, helps create the kind of world we want to live in.
Today, I will look for ways to be generous with those I share this world with.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
The balance between mind and spirit comes hard for me. The eternal split. Two entities, perfectly aware and yet perfectly unwilling to cooperate. --Mary Casey
The program directs our spiritual growth, a human aspect that had atrophied, if ever it had existed, for most of us before abstinence. And the process of developing our spiritual nature is painstaking. Living by our wits, or the fervent application of "situational analysis" had been our survival tools for months or years.
To return repeatedly to the old tools for quick solutions to serious situations is second nature. Learning to rely on spiritual guidance for solutions and to use it to sharpen our analytical focus takes patience and continual effort.
Within our spiritual realm we find our connection to God. We have been given the wisdom; all the knowledge we need is at our fingertips. The confidence to move ahead and offer our special talent to others comes from our Spirit. We are all that we need to be. Our mind and our Spirits, in concert, can tackle any challenge and succeed.
My mind and my Spirit can become compatible entities with the development of my trust in each. Knowledge plus courage can move mountains. I have been given both.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Controlling Versus Trust
There was a time in my life when I felt so afraid of and overwhelmed by the very act of living that I actually wanted to make out a schedule for each day of my life for the next five years. I wanted to include all the chores I had to do, when I would do them, even when I would schedule relaxation. I wanted to get some order into what felt overwhelming. I wanted to feel like I was in control. --Anonymous
Controlling is a direct response to our fear, panic, and sense of helplessness. It is a direct response to feeling overwhelmed, and to distrust.
We may not trust ourselves, our Higher Power, the Plan, the Universe, or the process of life. Instead of trusting, we revert to control.
We can approach this need to control by dealing with our fear. We deal with fear by trusting - ourselves, our Higher Power, the love and support of the Universe, the Plan, and this process we call life and recovery.
We can trust that when things don't work out the way we want, God has something better planned.
We can trust ourselves to get where we need to go, say what we need to say, do what we need to do, know what we need to know, be who we need to be, and become all we can become, when we are intended to do that, when we are ready, and when the time is right.
We can trust our Higher Power and the Universe to give us all the direction we need.
We can trust ourselves to listen, and respond, accordingly.
We can trust that all we need on this journey shall come to us. We will not get all we need for the entire journey today. We shall receive today's supplies today, and tomorrow's supplies tomorrow. We were never intended to carry supplies for the entire journey. The burden would be too heavy, and the way was intended to be light.
Trust in yourself. We do not have to plan, control, and schedule all things. The schedule and plan have been written. All we need to do is show up.
The way will become clear and the supplies will be amply and clearly provided, one day at a time.
Trust, my friend, in today.
Today, I will trust that I will receive all I need to get me through today. I will trust that the same shall happen tomorrow.


I can accept whatever I am feeling today. Without resistance my feelings pass and I am then open to experience whatever is next. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey To The Heart
October 14
Clear Out the Clutter

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to accumulate possessions and clutter in your home, things you pick up along the way? Have you ever noticed how easy it is to begin accommodating this clutter, getting used to it, thinking of it as just part of your environment?

It can be that way with our emotions,too. No matter how hard we strive to stay clear, we pick up bits of clutter along the way.

It’s so easy to ignore deeply embedded emotions and their impact on our lives. Many of us have undercurrents of old emotional energy that have been with us for so long we don’t see them. We don’t see the anger, the fear, the sadness. We’ve lived with these feelings for so long they have become embedded in us, part of us. When one of these nudges us, we tuck it back in, pack it away, and go on about our lives. But the feelings stays with us until we consciously acknowledge and address it. It affects us and our lives until we heal it.

Find a way to heal those old feelings, perhaps journaling or writing your memoirs. Whatever technique you choose to begin this journey of deep healing, deep cleansing, take the time to become conscious of what you really feel. Observe yourself; listen closely to yourself. Is there an edge to your voice? Do you talk about a particular person or place with a high degree of emotional energy? Learn to become comfortable with the rhythm of allowing these emotions to surface. They aren’t that hard to find. When it’s time to heal them, they’ll present themselves.

Release your fear of facing what’s there. Tap into that deeper part of you. Acknowledge your emotional energy, and heal.

Start cleaning house. Each piece of emotional clutter you clear out will bring you closer to your soul.

*****

more language of letting go
See Naturally

I was talking to a friend one day about using visualization as a tool to help create the present and the future we desire. Visualization, or using the spiritual energy of thought as a tool, can create physical reality.

"I don't really do that much," he said. "I'm not one for visualization."

Later, we were talking about a project we were working on together. He began to describe the next stage of the process. "I see us working together on it like this," he said. He described in great detail how he saw things coming to pass.

I listened. When he finished, I told him, "You said you don't use visualization as a tool. But you just used it naturally, without thinking, to describe how we are going to work on the next stage of this project."

He thought for a moment, then said he guessed I was right.

Don't talk yourself out of using visualization as a tool. Most of us often use our imagination to consider things that are taking place now or in the future. Be aware of what you say and see, so that you can use this powerful tool, your imagination, to help create whatever it is that you really want to see.

Pay attention to the ways you use your imagination in your daily life, the number of times you naturally say how you see things working out. If you find yourself using your imaginative powers to create negative events, stop! Erase that scene and create something else.

God, help me become aware of how I see naturally. Help me use and respect my imagination as the powerful creative tool it is.

*****

Blue Skies
The Sky Is Blue Even on a Cloudy Day

When we refer to a “beautiful day,” we are often describing a day that is sunny, clear, and without a cloud in sight to mar a sky that is a brilliantly perfect blue. We find ourselves bouncing along, light in spirit, free from worries, and enjoying the moment. That is, until the clouds begin to form. The sky may turn grey, and a fog may roll in. Puffs of white take on whimsical, darker shades, and our beautiful day disappears along with the sunshine… or so it seems.

A clear blue sky often inspires in us good cheer, bringing on a lighter, more carefree day. We may find ourselves spending time outdoors, breathing in the fresh air, and basking in the warmth of the sun. Yet should clouds appear to wash the sky with shadows, we may let this change of weather decrease our energy and enthusiasm, pulling us into our own cloudy funk. Darker days are just as much a part of life as are the days graced with sunshine. They show us a different perspective of our world, while helping us appreciate the moments of illumination that inevitably follow. A rainy day with clouds helps to clear the air, washing away stagnation. Still, it’s hard not to feel gloomy or think that the day has been ruined when there are clouds hanging over us. Yet if you can remember that these shades of grey won’t last forever, and that hidden behind the clouds is the blue sky, you will find that the beauty of your day is merely playing a game of peek-a-boo with you. Like the mis! haps and interruptions that occasionally block the brilliance that is our own lives from shining through, clouds eventually clear away so we can open up to a brighter horizon.

The next time you wake up to a cloudy day, remember that these shades of grey in life are there just for the moment. And that no matter how hard the rain falls or how chilly the fog is, the clouds will go away, the sun will break through, and you will be able to see the sky that has always and forever been a beautiful and brilliant blue. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day At A Time
October 14

Reflection For The Day

“Fundamental progress has to do with the reinterpretation of basic ideas,” wrote Alfred North Whitehead. When we review the ups and downs of our recovery in The Program, we can see the truth of that statement. We make progress each time we get rid of an old idea, each time we uncover a character defect, each time we become ready to have that defect removed and then humbly ask God to remove it. We make progress, one day at a time, as we shun the first drink, the first pill, the first addictive act that will so quickly swerve us from the path of growth to the road back to torment and despair. Have I considered the progress I’ve made since I’ve come to The Program?

Today I Pray

May I remember that there are few new ideas in this world, only old ones reinterpreted and restated. May I be always conscious that even the big things in life — like love, brotherhood, God, sobriety — become more finely defined in each human life. so may the Twelve steps of the Program be rescinded in each of our lives, as we keep in mind that, basically, these are time-tried principles — which work.

Today I Will Remember

The Twelve step work.

*****

One More Day
October 14

Nothing sharpens sight like envy.
– Thomas Fuller

It’s natural to want to own things — a house, a car, nice clothes, a boat. Once in a while we are able to save and buy some things we like, but more often we have to set priorities and choose which items really matter to us most.

Almost all of us know someone who does seem to have it all — materially — and we may be envious. Perhaps, at those times we can better serve our needs if we reexamine our values and cast our eyes toward other people who have the things we really want — peace of mind, a loving nature, spiritual depth, and unjealous nature. Those “things” may be what we should strive for to own. These qualities can be purchased only with time, and enrich our lives more than mere material objects ever could.

I will take inventory of my qualities, not my possessions.

October 15

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
. ..ere it vanishes
Over the margin
After it, follow it,
Follow The Gleam.
--Alfred, Lord Tennyson
It is difficult to find words for the "Gleam" we pursue. What it is, we are never too sure. We see it best in our daily dreams, while we're staring out a window at nothing at all. Sometimes it appears between the words in a book; it is always sure to be there when we sit alone to write down our own thoughts. We see it in the autumn woods; feel its heavy breathing in ocean waves. It is suddenly a skylark in flight, a falling leaf, a flower we have reluctantly picked. It makes us feel sad but good. It is always luring us on, always beautiful.
Is it love? Success? Peace? It may be any or all of these things, and we may find it through another person, or some talent we have, or a thing of beauty we stumble upon. And it is there within us, always, waiting to be found.
In what ways can I follow the Gleam I see in my life today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
We know about remorse and death. But do we know about hope and life? I believe in life after birth! --Maxie Dunham
We do not need to create difficulties and pain in our lives. They come with the package of human existence. Some of us even feel bewildered when we aren't pressed by trouble. As we grew in recovery and our lives became better ordered, many of us thought, "Life seems to be going so well; I wonder what's wrong?" We were more accustomed to remorse and crisis than to joy and serenity.
What lies before us today is an unpainted picture. There are many possibilities for events to take a good turn. This, too, is part of the package, but we must believe and affirm the good things in order to accept them. When our only expectations are pain and trouble, they probably will be our only experiences. However, when we have faith that a better life is possible, we open ourselves to receive it.
Today, I will live with hope for the possibilities and accept the good things that come my way.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. --Jacqueline Bisset
How common it is for us to be overly concerned with our looks. The culture encourages it through our families, our friends, and the media. Many of us anguished over our looks in years past, and the pain of fading youth haunts some even now.
Perhaps it's time for us to take special note of the women we admire for their achievements. We should emulate them, honor them, and celebrate their particular beauty--a beauty generally enhanced by dignity, perseverance, and courage.
We can cultivate our special interests. They'll contribute to our achievements, which will add depth to our soul--the home of true beauty. Mature persons who acknowledge this true beauty are those we wish to attract into our lives. How fickle is the beautiful face! And even more fickle is the one who can see no deeper.
Youth and its beauty are fleeting. Not so the beauty of the developing character; time strengthens it. The program makes character development not only possible but also simple. Every Step, any Step, offers us an opportunity to take charge of our lives, right now.
I will remember, it's who I am inside that truly counts in the lives of others.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Letting Go of Chaos
No good work comes from unrest.
Unrest, fear, anger, or sadness may motivate us. These feelings are sometimes intended to compel action. But our best work emerges after these feelings have been replaced by peace.
We will not accomplish our task any sooner, or any better, by performing it out of a sense of urgency, fear, anger, or sadness.
Let go of unrest. Let peace fill the void. We do not have to forfeit our power, our God given personal power - or our peace - to do the work as we are called upon to do today. We will be given all the power we need to do what we are meant to do, when it is time.
Let peace come first. Then proceed. The task will get done, naturally and on time.
Today, I will get peaceful first, and let my work and life emerge from that base.


I have a quiet place within me where I can rest today, I have a quiet place where I can go that offers peace, comfort and healing. It is as close as this moment.... as close as a breath. This place is mine whenever I want it. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 15
Discover the Power of Vulnerability

A new kind of power will emerge from vulnerability. The more honest we are with ourselves about how we feel and what we really think, the more power we will have.

We may have once thought that being powerful meant not giving in to what we felt, what we thought, or who we really were. But that attitude didn’t garner power for us. It caused life, the universe, us to continue creating situations that would help open our hearts, help us to feel, help us learn the lesson of vulnerability.

The sooner we become honest with ourselves, the sooner we can be honest with others. The sooner we become honest with ourselves, the more quickly we’ll grow and move on to a new place. Become vulnerable, at least with yourself. Be honest about what you think and how you feel. Write it. Speak it. Feel it. Release it. Then you will know where to go, when to go. What you are to do next will emerge naturally, quietly, and clearly.

Try being absolutely honest. Reveal your most private feelings to yourself. It’s a new kind of power, a different kind of power. It is spiritual power, the power of opening the heart.

*****

more language of letting go
Look where you're going

"I have the controls!" Rob, my flight instructor said. He grabbed the yoke and turned the little Cessna away from an approaching plane. "Did you see him or hear him on the radio?" Rob asked.

"No," I said. "I was concentrating too much on the flight panel instruments inside to scan outside for other planes."

"The airplane wants to fly," Rob said. "Learn to feel what coordinated flight feels like so you won't need to be glued to the instruments. You need to be looking outside for other aircraft."

Sometimes we get so engrossed in the world inside our heads that we forget to look outside. We can become so involved with the minor details of a project, something we're trying to do, that we don't see the big problem coming at us until it crashes into us. We can get so absorbed in our emotions that we neglect the rest of our lives. We can become so engrossed with our agenda-- trying to get someone to like us, to get that job, to buy that house, or to control an outcome-- that we don't see the warning signs and realize that person, thing, or place might not be good for us.

Learn to feel your life and understand intuitively when you're on the right path. Be aware. Sometimes we can spot potential problems when they're still small and far away. If you can do this, then only minor corrections to your course may be necessary to avoid conflicts down the road.

Remember, the airplane wants to fly, but you've got to keep from hitting anything if you want a safe flight. Relax and look where you're going. That's how you stay on course.

God, help me become aware of danger signals before it's too late.

*****

Finding Answers Within
You Have All the Answers Within You

by Madisyn Taylor

When you realize that you always have the answers within yourself, you can stop searching outside of yourself.


Many of us seek the answers to life’s questions by looking outside of ourselves and trying to glean advice from the people around us. But as each of us is unique, with our own personal histories, our own sense of right and wrong, and our own way of experiencing the world that defines our realities, looking to others for our answers is only partially helpful. The answers to our personal questions can be most often found by looking within. When you realize that you always have access to the part of you that always knows what you need and is meant to act as your inner compass, you can stop searching outside of yourself. If you can learn to hear, trust, and embrace the wisdom that lives within you, you will be able to confidently navigate your life.

Trusting your inner wisdom may be awkward at first, particularly if you grew up around people who taught you to look to others for answers. We each have exclusive access to our inner knowing. All we have to do is remember how to listen. Remember to be patient as you relearn how to hear, receive, and follow your own guidance. If you are unsure about whether following your inner wisdom will prove reliable, you may want to think of a time when you did trust your own knowing and everything worked out. Recall how the answers came to you, how they felt in your body as you considered them, and what happened when you acted upon this guidance. Now, recall a time when you didn’t trust yourself and the results didn’t work out as you had hoped. Trusting your own guidance can help you avoid going against what you instinctively know is right for you.

When you second guess yourself and go against what you know to be your truth, you can easily go off course because you are no longer following your inner compass. By looking inside yourself for the answers to your life’s questions, you are consulting your best guide. Only you can know the how’s and why’s of your life. The answers that you seek can be found when you start answering your own questions. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 15

Reflection For The Day

All too often I unwittingly — and even unconsciously — set standards for others in The Program. Worse yet, I expect those standards to be met. I go so far, on occasion, to decide what progress other people should make in their recoveries, and how their attitudes and actions should change. Not surprisingly, when things don’t work out the way I expect, I become frustrated and even angry. I have to leave others to God. I have to learn neither to demand nor expect changes in others, concentrating solely on my own shortcomings. Finally, I mustn’t look for perfection in another human being until I’ve achieved perfection myself. Can I even be perfect?

Today I Pray

May God ask me to step down immediately if I start to climb up on any of these high places: on my podium, as the know-it-all scholar,; on my soapbox, as the leader who’s out to change the world; into my pulpit, as the holier-than-thou-could-possibly-be messenger of God; into the seat of judgement, as the gavel-banging upholder of the law. May God please keep me from vesting myself with all this unwarranted authority and keep me humble.

Today I Will Remember

A heavy hand is not a helping hand.

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One More Day
October 15

We cannot tear out a single page from our life, but we can throw the whole book into the fire.
– George Sand

During those darkest times, we may not be able to think beyond this moment, this pain, this loss. All we’re aware of is this tiny piece of time, and it casts its darkness on all we remember and all we see in the future.

This moment is a fraction of a lifetime; this feeling is just one perception amoung thousands we’ve experienced. We ow it to ourselves to be sure of what we are experiencing before discarding the entire book in order to rid ourselves of one hated page. If needed, we can explore our emotions with a professional. We can work within a group of people who understand. We can wait a while to see what our lives will hold. We can look for change outside and inside ourselves.

My feelings are real, but so is the chance that better things lie ahead. I pray for patience.

October 16

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. --Matthew 6:34
To worry about something ahead of time is a waste of time and energy that could be better spent on living a full life today.
For instance, if we spend hours today worrying about an important test at school tomorrow, we can't very well concentrate on studying. And if we lie awake tonight agonizing over what we don't know or haven't studied, we're going to be exhausted tomorrow when we take the test.
Wouldn't it be much better to focus on doing all we can today to prepare for the test, and then, knowing we've done our best, let go of it tonight and get a good night's sleep? In fact, if we do that every day of the year, when a big test comes along, we'll know we're as ready as we can be, and won't have a thing to worry about. What a relief it is to know we've done our best today and every day.
What can I do well today so I won't worry about it tomorrow?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
One of the main reasons wealth makes people unhappy is that it gives them too much control over what they experience. They try to translate their own fantasies into reality instead of tasting what reality itself has to offer. --Philip Slater
We are constantly told that the way to happiness is through material possessions. "Men who drive this sports car have all the women after them!" "If I could only own this special tool it would make me happy!" What does a man really want? He wants a feeling that his life makes sense. He wants the give and take of loving relationships. He wants to feel he has a place in the world and can make a contribution. And he wants the feeling that he is not standing still, but growing in those ways.
Being poor certainly limits our options, but material wealth is an empty seduction. Putting all our energies into capturing wealth may make us rich, but it also can become an addiction that causes unhappiness. We become much richer in our souls and in our experiences when we take the risks that help us improve our relationships and teach us how to live balanced lives.
I will live each moment in ways that fit my true values.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
History provides abundant examples of . . . women whose greatest gift was in redeeming, inspiring, liberating, and nurturing the gifts of others. --Sonya Rudikoff
Part of our calling as members of the human community is to unconditionally love and support the people emotionally close to us. We have been drawn together for purposes wonderful but seldom readily apparent. We need one another's gifts, compassion, and inspiration in order to contribute our individual parts to the whole.
Not only do we need to nurture and to inspire others, but also our personal development, emotionally and spiritually, demands that we honor ourselves in like fashion. Self-love, full self-acceptance is necessary before we can give anything of lasting value to someone else. Selflessly must we give to others if, indeed, our love and support are meant to serve, and giving anything selflessly is evidence of healthy self-love.
Selfless love liberates the giver and the recipient. Giving selflessly reveals our personal contentment, and it means we are free to nurture our own gifts.
It's good and right that I should encourage someone else today. I will pay the same respect to myself, too.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Being Honest with Ourselves
Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain. The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships.
When we can tell ourselves how we feel, and accept our feelings, we can tell others.
When we can accept what we want and need, we will be ready to have our wants and needs met.
When we can accept what we think and believe, and accept what's important to us, we can relay this to others.
When we learn to take ourselves seriously, others will too.
When we learn to chuckle at ourselves, we will be ready to laugh with others.
When we have learned to trust ourselves, we will be trustworthy and ready to trust.
When we can be grateful for who we are, we will have achieved self-love.
When we have achieved self-love and accepting our wants and needs, we will be ready to give and receive love.
When we've learned to stand on our own two feet, we're ready to stand next to someone.
Today, I will focus on having a good relationship with myself.


Today I am following my own inner guide, know that I am coming from the best of who I am. That makes me feel good about me. That gives me great pleasure. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 16
Go for the Ride of Your Life

The roller coaster crawled slowly upward, inching toward the first and biggest hill. And suddenly we were screaming downhill at ninety-seven miles an hour. It is, they claim, the fastest roller coaster in the world. I laughed and yelled and clutched the handlebar. When the ride ended, the attendant turned to us as we were about to leave. “Would you like to go again?” he asked. “It’s the last ride of the night. “We all shouted yes and rode the course again, the wind whipping through our hair. When the ride ended, as all rides do, we sat in our seats and cheered.

Sometimes things happen. Things we didn’t expect. Things we didn’t plan on. An event occurs that changes our life dramatically. The event may be good or bad, desirable or undesirable, fortunate or unfortunate. No matter how we describe it, its impact is the same. We step off our usual path and go for a roller coaster ride.

You may have begun a time of deep transformation, a journey chosen by your soul. Feel all you need to feel. Allow your thoughts to flow. Let your body shift as you go through the curves. Let yourself be transformed. Enjoy the ride, the entire experience, with all its twists and curves. Scream in fear. Cry out in joy. Laugh aloud with glee.

If you find yourself on a roller coaster, turn it into the ride of your life.

*****

more language of letting go
You'll go where you look

There was only one tree in the landing area. Most of its leaves had been stripped away by the winter winds. I didn't want to hit it, but that's exactly what I did.

My parachute opened up right over the student landing area, a blessing for someone as new and unsure as I. I flew along the side of the field, turned onto the base leg, and then carefully turned into my final approach just as I'd been taught. There it was, the tree, its scrawny branches reaching up for me. It was all I could see from that point on. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. For a moment I thought I might clear it. "NO LOW TURNS, NO LOW TURNS," kept screaming in my ear as I drifted lower and lower, straight toward that tree.

I watched myself sink right into it.

Laughter and applause drifted out from the packing area.

Later another jumper pulled me aside to talk. "Do you know why you hit the tree?" she asked.

"Yes," I said. "It was in my way."

"There's more to it than that," she said. "You had plenty of time to turn out of the way of the tree. Instead, you watched yourself land right in it. You'll always go where you look. Look at something long enough to be aware of the potential for trouble, but don't fixate on the object. If you don't want to land on top of something, quit staring at it so hard."

Sometimes we get so focused on what we don't want and what we're afraid of, that's all we can see. We obsess about it, worry, and mull it around in our heads. It's all we can talk about, think, or feel. Then when we come crashing right into it, we wonder where we went wrong. After all, it was the very thing we had been trying to avoid.

The moral of this story is simple and sweet. Look at where you're going, but remember you'll go where you look.

Know what you don't want. Release your fears. Stay aware and alert to the dangers looming in your peripheral view. Your mind is more powerful than you might believe. If you put all your concentration and energy on something, that's exactly where you'll go.

God, help me stay aware and focus my energy on where you want me to go.

*****

Parts of the One
Ants and Bees, a Metaphor

by Madisyn Taylor

We can learn a lot from watching ants and bees living in community and working for the greater good.


When we see ants and bees out in the world, we often see just one, but this belies the reality of their situation. More than any other species, ants and bees function as parts of a whole. They cannot and do not survive as individuals; they survive as members of a group, and the group’s survival is the implicit goal of each individual’s life. There is no concept of life outside the group, so even to use the word individual is somewhat misleading. Often, humans, on the other hand, strongly value individuality and often negatively associate ants and bees with a lack of independence. And yet, if we look closer at these amazing creatures, we can learn valuable lessons about how much we can achieve when we band together with others to work for a higher purpose.

Most ants and bees have highly specified roles within their communities, some of which are biologically dictated, and they work within the confines of their roles without complaint, never wishing to be something other than what they are. In this way, they symbolize self-knowledge and humility. They also display selfless service as they work for the common good. In many ways, they are like the individual cells of one body, living and dying as necessary to preserve the integrity of the whole body, not to protect themselves as individuals. In this way, ants personify the ability to see beyond one’s small self to one’s place within the greater whole, and the ability to serve this whole selflessly.

Ants and bees can inspire us to fully own what we have to offer and to put it to use in the pursuit of a goal that will benefit all of humanity, whether it be raising consciousness about the environment, feeding the hungry, or raising a happy child. Each one of us has certain talents we were born with, as well as skills we have acquired. When we apply these gifts, knowing that we are one part of a greater organism working to better the whole world, we honor and implement the wisdom of ants and bees. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 16

Reflection For The Day

Someone once said that the mind’s direction is more important than its progress. If my direction is correct, then progress is sure to follow. We first come to The Program to receive something for ourselves, but soon learn that we receive most bountifully when we give to others. If the direction of my mind is to give rather than to receive, then I’ll benefit beyond my greatest expectations. The more I give of myself and the more generously I open my heart and mind to others, the more growth and progress I’ll achieve. Am I learning not to measure my giving against my getting, accepting that the act of giving is its own reward?

Today I Pray

May I not lose sight of that pillar of The Program — helping myself through helping others in our purpose of achieving comfortable sobriety. May I feel that marvel of giving and taking and giving back again from the moment I take the First Step. May I care deeply about others’ maintaining their freedom from chemicals, and may I know that they care about me. It is a simple — and beautiful — exchange.

Today I Will Remember

Give and take and give back again

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One More Day
October 16

Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was
– Richard L. Eveans

There’s an old adage that good teachers still use: Start the child from where he is. In fact, we all have to begin from where we are. We may, at first, have a tendency to measure all our successes with our healthy life before our medical condition changed. Changed circumstances can play havoc with our lives.

Now we may have to set more realistic goals in order to reach them. We can still begin new jobs or new relationships. We begin over and over again throughout a lifetime — with or without a long-term medical situation. What matters most is how successfully we can handle the change. We’ll do fine as long as we remember we have started anew many times — successfully.

I will not discouraged by changes in my life. I have coped before, and I will again.

October 17

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Fear makes strangers of people who should be friends. --Shirley MacLaine
No one is brave every moment; each of us feels awkward, shy, perhaps even ugly or dumb part of the time. If we could understand that about each other, it would make it easier for us to be friendly and willing to talk to someone new. Instead, we often sit back, waiting to be noticed; waiting for someone to invite us to join in an activity.
We are all so much alike, yet we are so certain we're different. Being self-conscious is normal. Even those who are the most popular suffer the same fears as the rest of us. The better we understand the ways we are the same, the easier it will be to make friends with someone new. And it's through friends that we grow and are strengthened for whatever lies ahead.
What new person can I offer friendship to today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
I never suspected that I would have to learn how to live - that there were specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world I had to master before I could awaken to a simple happy, uncomplicated life. --Dan Millman
Wisdom begins in seeing how much we do not know. Sometimes it's a painful blow to our egos to face what we still have to learn. Many of us have believed we know how to live. Yet, when we look at our lives, we see something has been missing. When we continue to have great stress, when we haven't made progress in simplifying our lives, when our lives seem full of crises - perhaps then it is time to open ourselves to some new learning.
We can talk to sponsors and get ideas from group members. Perhaps they have noticed our blind spots and will tell us if asked. Expressing our problems in specific ways may point us to new learning. Our program teaches us twelve specific disciplines for our growth. We need to return to them again and again. We can always ask ourselves, "What Step am I working on at this time?" We may need to learn new ways to work on a specific Step.
I will turn to my fellow group members and focus on one Step for my growth today.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Pride, we are told, my children, "goeth before a fall" and oh, the pride was there, and so the fall was not far away.
--Wilhelmina Kemp Johnstone
Requesting help. Admitting we are wrong. Owning our mistake in either a big or small matter. Asking for another chance or someone's love. All very difficult to do, and yet necessary if we are to grow. The difficulty is our pride, the big ego. We think, "We need to always be right. If we're wrong, then others may think less of us, look down on us, and question our worth." Perfectionism versus worthlessness.
If we are not perfect (and of course we never are), then we must be worthless. In between these two points on the scale is "being human." Our emotional growth, as women, is equal to how readily we accept our humanness, how able we are to be wrong. With humility comes a softness that smoothes our every experience, our every relationship. Pride makes us hard, keeps us hard, keeps others away, and sets us up for the fall.
I will let myself be human today. It will soften my vision of life.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Feelings and Surrender
Surrendering is a highly personal and spiritual experience.
Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we can force or control by willpower. It is something we experience.
Acceptance, or surrender, is not a tidy package. Often, it is a package full of hard feelings - anger, rage, and sadness, followed by release and relief. As we surrender, we experience our frustration and anger at God, at other people, at ourselves, and at life. Then we come to the core of the pain and sadness, the heavy emotional burden inside that must come out before we can feel good. Often, these emotions are connected to healing and release at a deep level.
Surrender sets the wheels in motion. Our fear and anxiety about the future are released when we surrender.
We are protected. We are guided. Good things have been planned. The next step is now being taken. Surrender is the process that allows us to move forward. It is how our Higher Power moves us forward. Trust in the rightness of timing, and the freedom at the other end, as you struggle humanly through this spiritual experience.
I will be open to the process of surrender in my life. I will allow myself all the awkward and potent emotions that must be released.


Today I look to my Higher Power for strength, courage and direction. I gather my own strength and confidence from all possible resources and follow my own inner voice. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 17
Feeling Overwhelmed Is a Trap

Feeling overwhelmed is a trap, a tricky one at that. When we’re overwhelmed, we see all that needs to be done and say, That’s too much. I can’t do it. So instead, I shall do nothing. Feeling overwhelmed occurs when we say, I am already too busy so I can’t do that and now all is pressing in on me and I can’t do anything. And the acts that are ours to do keep piling up and pulling on us. And we keep resisting. And stress and pressure build up.

Feeling overwhelmed leads to feeling stuck, and both are an illusion. How simple those things that overwhelm us actually become when we release the feeling and return to the rhythm of our lives. When we say, Yes, I need to make that phone call, do that task. How simple the task becomes, how simple life becomes.

What’s bothering you that needs to be done? What’s pulling on you? What’s causing you to feel overwhelmed and maybe stuck, too? Make a list. Put your list aside, and begin by taking one simple action. Then watch as life unfolds. One act at a time, one thing at a time, all that needs to be done will get done. The stress will disappear, and you’ll feel back on track.

You’ll be given the ability, power, and guidance to do all that is on your path to do. Begin simply, quietly, by acknowledging feeling overwhelmed. Denying the pull of life and its tasks doesn’t remove stress, it compounds it.

Surrendering to the simple truths, even the simple truth of what we’re really feeling, will always set us free.

*****

more language of letting go
The beauty is easy to see

It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.
--Ursula K. Le Guin

One lesson road trips have taught me is that while it's good to have a destination, it's good to see what the trip has to offer rather than waiting for it to bring us what we expected.

Recently, a friend and I made a trip to Santuario de Chimayo to visit the church and bring home some of the healing dust from the sacred place. Along the way, we planned to pass through other beautiful places in the Southwest, a spiritual pilgrimage we thought. We left the house ready to be enlightened. But something happened. In the hot Arizona air, we stopped letting the trip happen and started looking for a specific experience. The Indian ruins were overrun with tourist groups, and the beautiful red rock vortex center had been reduced to strip malls and time-share condos. Or spiritual quest had yielded nothing but disappointment so far. We felt antsy, irritable, and let down.

Then we saw the sign Meteor Crater road next right. We turned down that road, giving in to the cheesy kitsch of the trip. A mile wide and over five hundred feet deep the crater was left over fifty thousand years ago in the middle of what is now the Arizona desert. A man bought the land and he and his family became meteor experts-- marketing experts as well since they now charge ten dollars to see a big hole in the ground. Nice enough folks though, and we smiled for the first time on the trip.

I'd always wanted to see the Petrified Forest, Though I feared that once again the hype would overpower the reality of what it was. It didn't. The giant log-turned-to-stone were scarce but the place had a powerful timelessness to it. The sky was pastel blue. I lay on a giant wave of sand while Chip ran around taking pictures that would end up overexposed.

Later that evening we crossed the border into New Mexico. Chelle's-- a nice place to eat read the sign on the side of a building in Gallup. And it was nice, just like the sign said.

We can search for joy and enlightenment so frantically that we don't see the brilliance at our own feet. Sometimes in the search for enlightenment, it helps to remember to lighten up. To paraphrase Winnie the Pooh, if you're looking for enlightenment and only find the ordinary, then try looking at the ordinary and let it be what it is. You might then find something you weren't looking for, which might be just what you were looking for when you began.

Don't let your hopes and expectations be so high that you miss the beauty in what is. Joy and enlightenment, after all, aren't that hard to see.

God, help me let go of my expectations and delight in what is.

*****

Apologies
Empowered Forgiveness

by Madisyn Taylor

If we can remember that our response to others is important, we can realize that trust and forgiveness go hand in hand.


In life there will always be times when we are affected by the actions of another person. When this happens, we often receive an apology. More often than not we say, “It’s alright,” or “ It’s okay,” and by saying this we are allowing, accepting, and giving permission for the behavior to happen again. When we say “thank you,” or “I accept your apology,” we are forced to sit in our feelings rather than ignore them.

There are many of us who feel that it is easier to brush off how we really feel than to express our discomfort with something that has happened to us. While this may initially seem like the best thing to do, what it really does is put us into an unending pattern of behavior; since we are not honest with another person, we continue the cycle of letting them overstep our emotional limits time and time again. By doing this we place ourselves in the position of victim. We can put an end to this karmic chain by first acknowledging to the other person that we accept their request for forgiveness; often a simple “thank you” is enough. To truly create a greater sense of harmony in our relationship, however, we need to gently, and with compassion, express our innermost concerns about what has transpired. By taking a deep breath and calling upon the deepest parts of our spirit, we can usually find the right words to say and verbalize them in a way that lets the other person recognize the consequences of what they have done.

If we can remember that our response to others is important, we can begin to realize that trust and forgiveness go hand in hand. And when we react in a way that engenders a greater amount of honesty and candor, we will establish a more positive and empowering way of being and interacting others. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 17

Reflection For The Day

Now that we’re sober and living in reality, it’s sometimes difficult to see ourselves as others see us and, in the process, determine how much progress we’ve made in recovery. In the old days, the back-of-the-bar mirror presented us with a distorted and illusory view of ourselves; the way we imagined ourselves to be and the way we imagined ourselves to appear in the eyes of others. A good way for me to measure my progress today is imply to look about me at my friends in The Program. As I witness the miracle of their recoveries, I realize that I’m part of the same miracle — and will remain so as long as I’m willing. Am I grateful for reality and the Divine miracle of my recovery?

Today I Pray

May god keep my eyes open for miracles — those marvelous changes that have taken place in my own life and in the lives of my friends in the group. May I ask no other measurement of progress than a smile I can honestly mean and a clear eye and a mind that can, at last, touch reality. May my own joy be my answer to my question. “How am I doing?”

today I Will Remember

Miracles measure our progress: Who needs more?

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One More Day
October 17

Maturity: among other things — not to hide one’s strength out of fear and consequently live below one’s best.
– Dag Hammarskjold

The fear of being different is a powerful force in our lives, especially in the early times after a chronic illness is diagnosed. We fear being recognized as a victim of an illness, and we become afraid of any recognition at all.

We don’t want to live with this unreasonable fear, and we begin to understand that healthy thinking requires us to develop and use our many strengths. We stop denying and start accepting. The voice of our individuality begins to speak, loudly and clearly, and we answer with definitive action. We start to face our problems, to accept the ways in which we differ from others, and to rejoice in our strengths.

I won’t hid my strengths, for they are the means to life at its best.

October 18

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
One will rarely err if extreme actions be ascribed to vanity, ordinary actions to habit, and mean actions to fear. --Friedrich Nietzsche
Sometimes we begin to believe someone close to us is being mean deliberately. This may happen when a good friend suddenly stops inviting us to her house. She may be scared to have others over because her parents are having problems, or for some other reason that has nothing to do with us.
But we often fear that it is because of something we said or did. We find ourselves becoming scared and pulling away. If we ask for God's help in turning our fear around, we can overcome it and ask our friend why she stopped inviting us over. Most times we will find that our friend had no idea her actions affected us the way they did. We can then laugh at ourselves for our fears and applaud ourselves for overcoming them.
What treasure might I find beneath my fear today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Thou art everywhere, but I worship you here;
Thou art without form, but I worship you in these forms;
Thou neediest no praise, yet I offer you these prayers and salutations.
--Hindu prayer
The history of the Twelve Steps tells us that in the first small A.A. group there was controversy about the word God. For some of the men, God was known in traditional religious ways; other members were agnostic. This first group followed their group conscience. The resolution they achieved has inspired many new Twelve Step members ever since. They were guided through their disagreement to a new expression of their spiritual relationship. They began to speak of a "Power greater than ourselves" and of "God, as we understood Him."
Today we turn to God as we understand God, because our definitions are restricted by human limitations. We know from our own experiences and from the stories of thousands of men and women who have preceded us, that this spiritual program is very practical and simple. It works. It restores our lives.
To a Power greater than myself, I am filled with gratitude.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
When people bother you in any way, it is because their souls are trying to get your divine attention and your blessing.
--Catherine Ponder
We are in constant communication with one another and with God in the spiritual realm. No matter how singular our particular course may appear, our path is running parallel to many paths. And all paths will intersect when the need is present. The point of intersection is the moment when another soul seeks our attention. We can be attentive and loving to the people seeking our attention. Their growth and ours is at stake,
We can be grateful for our involvement with other lives. We can be mindful that our particular blessing is like no one else's and that we all need input from the many significant persons in our lives. There is no insignificant encounter in our passage through life. Each juncture with someone else is part of the destiny of both participants.
I will look carefully and lovingly at the people around me today and bless them, one and all. They are in my life because they need to be. I, likewise, need them.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Throwing Out the Rule Book
Many of us feel like we need a rulebook, a microscope, and a warranty to get through life. We feel uncertain, frightened. We want the security of knowing what's going to happen, and how we shall act.
We don't trust life or ourselves.
We don't trust the Plan.
We want to be in control.
"I've made terrible mistakes about my choices, mistakes that nearly destroyed me. Life has really shocked me. How can I trust myself? How can I trust life, and my instincts, after where I've been?" asked one woman.
It is understandable that we fear being crushed again, considering the way many of us were when we bottomed out on our codependency. We don't have to be fearful. We can trust our self, our path, and our instincts.
Yes, we want to avoid making the same mistakes again. We are not the same people we were yesterday or last year. We've learned, grown, changed. We did what we needed to do then. If we made a mistake, we cannot let that stop us from living and fully experiencing today.
We have arrived at the understanding that we needed our experiences - even our mistakes - to get to where we are today. Do we know that we needed our life to unfold exactly as it did to find ourselves, our Higher Power, and this new way of life? Or is part of us still calling our past a mistake?
We can let go of our past and trust ourselves now. We do not have to punish ourselves with our past. We don't need a rulebook, a microscope, a warranty. All we really need is a mirror. We can look into the mirror and say, "I trust you. No matter what happens, you can take care of yourself. And what happens will continue to be good, better than you think."
Today, I will stop clinging to the painful lessons of the past. I will open myself to the positive lessons today and tomorrow hold for me. I trust that I can and will take care of myself now. I trust that the Plan is good, even when I don't know what it is.


Today I will be aware not to judge myself when I feel less than perfect. I am beginning to love myself just as I am and that feels so nice. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 18
Trust the Morning

I arrived in Sedona late at night, after ten o’clock. Motel offices were closed everywhere I went. The signs flashed “No Vacancy.” I hung around the convenience store for a while, trying to figure out what to do, having second thoughts about spontaneity and trusting the universe. I regretted not having an itinerary. I was too tired to drive much longer. I no longer cared if my journey was magical; it was back to basics. I wanted to sleep in a bed that night.

I bought the local paper and spotted an ad for a lodge. I called the number, but no luck. I got in my car, wondering what to do.

On the edge of town, I saw a motel with lights in the office and a person behind the desk. I went inside and pestered the girl behind the desk for help. She finally relented, telling me of a little known hotel about an hour away. She lived close by, she said. I could follow her there. An hour later, I gratefully checked into a room. I couldn’t find the heat, but I did have a bed, pillow, and blanket.

The next morning, I discovered I was staying on the edge of a dry, dusty golf course. The area was surrounded by low, barren hills barely covered with shrubs. I headed the car to Sedona, still tired, still wondering why I was there.

My car rounded a curve. Suddenly I was surrounded by spiraling red mesas shaped by nature into forms of bells, cathedrals, and carved towers reaching to the sky. The sunlight danced on the rusty red sculptures, lighting them with an orange-yellow glow. I smiled at the breathtaking view, grateful the experience had unfolded as it had.

Sometimes, the darkness and loneliness of night make the color and beauty of the sunrise and the new day all that much more beautiful. Contrast is an important part of creativity. Our Creator knows that. So does our heart.

Things look different in the morning. Trust that the morning will come.

*****

more language of letting go
Take another look

It's amazing the difference
A bit of sky can make.
--Shel Silverstein

We spend morning at the Blue Sky Lodge drinking coffee on the back porch watching the world wake up. One morning, after grabbing my cup, I walked out back to find Frank, a skydiving friend staying at the Lodge while visiting from the United Kingdom, busliy snapping pictures of the surrounding terrain.

"Frank, why are you taking pictures of this?" I asked. "If you want, we can take you to some of the more scenic areas around here."

"No way," he replied. "No one back home will believe that I got to spend my time in a place with a view like this."

I looked around and tried to see the view through his eyes. The rolling hills of southern California were bathed in golden early morning sunlight, while a light marine layer curled over the ridgeline of the Ortega Mountains just three miles to the west. San Jacinto rose high in the eastern sky, a pale silhouette in the morning sun.

I smiled and for the first time in a while took in the sheer beauty of the view. Lately all I had been seeing were the piles of leaves and construction materials scattered around the yard or the cars driving along the road in the valley below us. I had been surrounded with beauty and yet had grown so accustomed to it that I didn't even notice it anymore.

Many times what we need isn't a change of scenery, but a renewed vision of what's already there. Take another look at your life-- where you live, your friends, your work-- all your gifts. Maybe the view in your life is better than you think.

God, renew my spirit. Help me look at my life with a fresh vision. If I don't like what I see, help me look again.

*****

Complementary Energies
Balancing Self with Family Life

by Madisyn Taylor

It is vital to the energy of your spirit and the energy of your family unit that you take time for yourself each day to balance and center.


Many of us have a hard time balancing taking care of ourselves with taking care of our family responsibilities. For people with young children, this can be especially challenging, but even people without children have obligations to care for extended family, partners, pets, and the home in which they live. It’s easy to lose track of our own needs as we give ourselves to the people, pets, and places we love. However, it is essential to their well-being that we take care of ourselves, filling our own wells with water so that we have something to offer when we return home each day.

It is easy to get caught up in the demands of home life because they never stop. There is always one more thing you can do, another dish in the sink, a counter that needs wiping, or a person who needs a ride somewhere. If you don’t set some boundaries, you will find yourself on an endless journey of housework and doing for others. Eventually, you will probably feel drained and out of touch with your inner life force. Instead of waiting for this to happen, integrate self-care into your daily schedule. Even Buddha insisted that he have one hour completely to himself every day. There are times when even that will not be possible—for example, with a new baby or a sick relative. At times like this, retreating inward energetically can be a lifesaver. You can always find five minutes to close your eyes and breathe consciously. You may even be able to meditate.

Most of the time, though, it is possible to set aside a full hour for yourself each day. In addition, scheduling a longer interval of time, perhaps on a weekly basis, can really help to restore your energy. Get a massage or go to a movie or out with a friend. Taking time to experience the world outside of your home makes returning home all the more wonderful. In the same way, taking care of yourself is a natural complement to taking care of your home and family. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 18

Reflection For The Day

Not in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the rewards that would be mine when I first contemplated turning my life and will over to the care of God as I understand Him. Now I can rejoice in the blessing of my own recovery, as well as the recoveries of countless others who have found hope and a new way of life in The Program. After all the years of waste and terror, I realize today that God has always been on my side and at my side. Isn’t my clearer understanding of God’s will one of the best things that has happened to me?

Today I Pray

May I be thankful for the blessed contrast between the way my life used to be (Part 1) and the way it is now (Part II). In Part I, I was the practicing addict, adrift among my fears and delusions. In Part II, I am the recovering addict, rediscovering my emotions, accepting my responsibilities, learning what the real world has to offer, growing close to my Higher Power. Without the contrast, I could never feel the joy I know today or sense the peaceful nearness of my Higher Power.

Today I Will Remember

I am grateful for such contrast.

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One More Day
October 18

Quote:He that can’t endure the bad, will not live to see the good.
– Yiddish Proverb

Maturity means taking thee bitter with the sweet. Wisdom is the realization that sometimes the two are interrelated. An we might have been bitter because quality of our lives was changed.

Now, with a clearer perspective and greater maturity, we realize that many of the sweeter aspects of our lives today have grown out of our learning to cope with chronic illness. We live more in the moment, rather than always pursuing some distant goal. Our values reflect a stronger sense of self; they emphasize people over things. For many of us, the growth, the joy, and the self-esteem that now sweeten our lives come from the bitter experiences of chronic illness.

I accept that my life experiences will be both good and bad. Although my illness is unwanted. I have been strengthen by it.

October 19

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
All power is a trust. We are accountable for its exercise. From people and for people all power springs, and all must exist. --Benjamin Disraeli
The sun is power. It warms, it burns, it feeds the plants without which we could not live. Yet, for all its power, the sun cannot make so much as a rainbow by itself. For that, it needs the rain, at just the right time and angle.
No matter how strong we are--or smart or talented or attractive--we realize our full power only by filtering it through others. Our most meaningful achievements are born of combined efforts. Even when we do something that feels like ours alone--paint a painting, win an award, hit a home run--there is always a constellation of friends and family and teachers, even enemies, who've been a part of our success.
Like the rain's part in the rainbow, the contributions of others do not detract from our achievements, but enhance them and bring them to their fullest light.
How are others enhancing my growth today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
If only I could throw away the urge to trace my patterns in your heart I could really see you. --David Brandon
Trying to control and change the people around us creates great problems in our relationships. When people we love are expressing themselves, we're thinking about what we wish they would say, and it blocks us from hearing clearly. A need for safety and for a guarantee that we won't be abandoned urges us to manipulate the people we love. We know we have innocent motives. We say we only want what is best and that we are only trying to protect ourselves or be helpful. But we hide from the effects our actions have on our relationships.
We seem to be more trapped in these self-centered behaviors with the ones we are closest to. We can change ourselves by slowly releasing our security grip on others. We can focus more on understanding what others are saying to us than on changing how they think and feel. Intimacy is clearly seeing each other and knowing the differences as well as the similarities. It requires that both people be allowed to walk on separate paths.
I will release my grip on my loved ones and turn to my Higher Power for security and serenity.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
One of the conclusions I have come to in my old age is the importance of living in the ever-present now. In the past, too often I indulged in the belief that somehow or other tomorrow would be brighter or happier or richer. --Ruth Casey
How easily our minds jump from the present to the foibles of the past or our fears about the future. How seldom are our minds on this moment, and only this moment.
Before we picked up this book, where were our thoughts? We need to practice, with diligence, returning our minds to whatever the experience at hand. A truly creative response to any situation can only be made when we are giving it our undivided attention. And each creative response initiates an even more exciting follow-up experience.
All we have of life, all that it can offer us is here, now. If we close our mind to the present, this present, we'll only continue to do so when the tomorrow we dream of now becomes the present. There are no tomorrows.
I will let go of the past and the future. My only reality is here, now. God's gifts are here, today, right now.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Our Good Points
What's a codependent? The answer's easy. They're some of the most loving, caring people I know. --Beyond Codependency
We don't need to limit an inventory of ourselves to the negatives. Focusing only on what's wrong is a core issue in our codependency.
Honestly, fearlessly, ask: "What's right with me? What are my good points?"
"Am I a loving, caring, nurturing person?" We may have neglected to love ourselves in the process of caring for others, but nurturing is an asset.
"Is there something I do particularly well?" "Do I have a strong faith?" "Am I good at being there for others?" "Am I good as part of a team, or as a leader?" "Do I have a way with words or with emotions?"
"Do I have a sense of humor?" "Do I brighten people up?" "Am I good at comforting others?" "Do I have an ability to make something good out of barely nothing at all?" "Do I see the best in people?"
These are character assets. We may have gone to an extreme with these, but that's okay. We are now on our way to finding balance.
Recovery is not about eliminating our personality. Recovery aims at changing, accepting, working around, or transforming our negatives, and building on our positives. We all have assets; we only need to focus on them, empower them, and draw them out in ourselves.
Codependents are some of the most loving, caring people around. Now, we're learning to give some of that concern and nurturing to ourselves.
Today, I will focus on what's right about me. I will give myself some of the caring I've extended to the world.


I am so grateful I have a power greater than myself to turn to when I do not have the answers. I am so grateful for the program of recovery that has brought me joy and purpose and love. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 19
Honor This Time of Change

I left Point Reyes, a seashore town close to San Francisco, heading for Sequoia National Park. I wanted to cross the Golden Gate Bridge, but I wasn’t certain I could find it. City traffic was jarring after being in the woods, the mountains, and by the sea. Before long, however, I found myself at the foot of the Golden Gate. As I drove the span of the bridge, I felt the same electric charge surge through me as I had felt in Chimayo, in Ojo Caliente, and on the Flathead Reservation. It was the first time I realized that bridges are holy, sacred ground.

Times of change are holy. We may not know where we’re going. It may not feel like our feet are on solid ground. They aren’t. We’re crossing a bridge to another part of our lives.

Sometimes we may find ourselves at this bridge unwittingly, not certain how we got there, not certain we want to cross. Other times, we may have sought, prayed for, hoped for, longed for this time of change.

Drive across the bridge. You don’t have to understand it all right now. Information and understanding will come later. You’ll get to the other side. For now, trust and experience what you’re going through. Know that this time of change is sacred,too.

*****

more language of letting go
See for yourself

I have a friend who likes to hike and backpack. He always takes beautiful pictures of the places that he visits. After one trip he was telling me about a camp high in the California Sierras while showing me a photo of a stunning sunset. He told me about the night that he returned to camp after walking to the top of the mountain.

"When I got down, I found that everyone else had packed up and left camp. I was alone at twelve thousand feet. The silence was so thick I could almost touch it. You should have seen the sunset that night. It was even better than this picture."

"Why didn't you take a picture if the sunset was even more beautiful?" I asked.

"I figured that no one else cared to see the world from that viewpoint that night but me, so I just kept the sunset all to myself," he explained. "If you weren't there, you just missed out."

This summer I watched the sun set over a lake in a corner of New Mexico, then I spent the night under the stars in a sleeping bag. The stars were so clear, so close, so brilliant I felt like I could touch them. And no, I didn't take a picture. If you weren't there, you just missed out.

You can read a meditation book, make a list, and even talk to people who live their lives fully, but unless you make the trip yourself, you won't see all this life has to offer.

Is there a picture that you've been to busy to see lately? Break out of the ordinary. See something new or see the ordinary in a new way. Don't just glance. Really look. Then bring back the picture in your heart. Unless you're there, you're just missing out. Some things you just need to see for yourself.

God, help me live my life to the fullest. Help me see and treasure all the beauty in the world.

*****

Appreciating Suggestions
Other People's Agendas

As children, our parents had dreams for us. They wanted us to do well in school, and to do whatever was necessary to reach our highest potential. Later in life, friends may try to set us up with their idea of the perfect partner or the perfect job. Spouses may have agendas for us, too. People close to us may have ideas about how we should live our lives, ideas that usually come from love and the desire for us to be happy. Other times, they come from a place of need within them—whether it is the parent who wants us to live out his or her dreams or the friend or spouse who wants us to play an already-defined role. Whatever the case, we can appreciate and consider those people’s input, but ultimately we must follow our own inner guidance.

There may come a time when all the suggestions can become overbearing. We may feel that the people we love don’t approve of our judgment, which can hurt our feelings. It can interfere with the choices we make for our lives by making us doubt ourselves, or filling a void with their wishes before we’ve had a chance to decide what we want. It can affect us energetically as well. We may have to deal with feelings of resistance or the need to shut ourselves off from them. But we can take some time to rid ourselves of any unnecessary doubts and go within to become clear on what we desire for ourselves.

We can tell our loved ones how much we appreciate their thoughts and ideas, but that we need to live our own lives and make our own decisions. We can explain that they need to let us learn from our own experiences rather than rob us of wonderful life lessons and the opportunity to fine-tune our own judgment. When they see that we are happy with our lives and the path we are taking to reach our goals, they can rest assured that all we need them to do is to share in our joy. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 19

Reflection For The Day

There are countless ways by which my progress and growth in The Program can be measured. One of the most important is my awareness that I’m no longer compelled, almost obsessively, to go around judging everything and everybody. My only business today is to work on changing myself, rather than other people, places and things. In its own way, the obsession of being forever judgmental was as burdensome to me as the obsession of my addiction; I’m grateful that both weights have been lifted from my shoulders. When I become judgmental, will I remind myself that I’m trespassing on God’s territory?

Today I Pray

Forgive me my trespasses, when I have become the self-proclaimed judge-and-jury of my peers. By being judgmental, I have trespassed on the rights of others to judge themselves– and on the rights of God in the Highest Court of all. May I throw away all my judgmental tools — my own yardstick and measuring tapes, my own comparisons, my unreachable standards — and accept each person as an individual beyond compare.

Today I Will Remember

Throw away old tapes – especially measuring tapes.

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One More Day
October 19

There must be something strangely sacred in salt. It is in our tears and in the sea.
– Kahlil Gibran

Emotion plays around a person’s face, making it strained or relaxed. We say we can “read” someone else’s face. Few of us burst into spontaneous tears or laughter, but instead first show slight emotion on our faces or in the way we speak.

Laughter is instrumental to our well-being, but tears are also essential to our emotional survival. When we finally release the emotions we feel and the dams break loose, the tears are healing. They allow us to cleanse ourselves of pent-up angers, fears, and frustrations.

I know crying is a human characteristic. I will not be ashamed of my need to cry, for tears are part of my human experience.

October 20

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The bough, which has been downward thrust by force of strength to bend its top to earth, so soon as the pressing hand is gone, looks up again straight to the sky above. --Boethius
When we are down, low, depressed, why can't we ignore the desire to rise up again? Because we're like plants that need pure air, water, and sun. Because no matter how bent and old, we just keep wanting to grow up. Because there is a natural spring in us like that which makes flowers leap from the earth in May. Because we have hidden wings. And if we listen, we can feel the difference between wrong and right: we know the difference even with our eyes closed. Therefore we should not try putting ourselves down, for we will spring up again, sure as Spring.
What is the main way I try to put myself down?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament. --George Santayana
We could probably feel more tranquil if the world were a simpler place and always gave us simple answers. But we are faced with many ambiguous and uncertain situations. The changing roles of men and women can often leave us bewildered. We are engaged in the development of relationships that have lives of their own, and it's not always clear where they are headed. Even within ourselves we have contradictory feelings, and it's difficult to come up with clear answers.
Since we cannot force simplicity upon the world, we must turn to ourselves for a new response. We can become more tolerant of our unsettled predicaments. We can learn to have faith that good comes from change. Things have a way of settling out and clarifying with time. As we develop patience with the questions and the unclear issues in our lives, we gain a deeper serenity.
Today, I will recall the predicaments in my past life that, in time, became clearer, and I will have patience with what seems unsettled.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
...You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now. --Joan Baez
How thrilling to contemplate that we can choose every attitude we have and every action we take. We have been gifted with full responsibility for our development. What will we try today? It's our personal choice. How will we decide on a particular issue? Our options are only limited by our vision.
Every situation in life offers us a significant opportunity for making a decision that will, of necessity, influence the remaining situations we encounter. Just as we are interdependent, needing and influencing one another in all instances that bring us together, likewise our decisions are never inviolate. Each is singly important; however, its impact is multiplied by the variety of other decisions triggered.
The choice is ours for livings fully today, for taking advantage of all the opportunities that present themselves. Our personal growths, our emotional and spiritual development, are in our hands. God will provide us with the guidance, and the program offers us the tools. The decision to act is ours, alone.
I will exercise my personal power. My choices determine my development.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Detaching with Love
Sometimes people we love do things we don't like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we're all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates.
When do we detach? When we're hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power play - an attempt to control or force others to do something they don't want to do. When the way we're reacting isn't helping the other person or solving the problem. When the way we're reacting is hurting us.
Often, it's time to detach when detachment appears to be the least likely, or possible, thing to do.
The first step toward detachment is understanding that reacting and controlling don't help. The next step is getting peaceful - getting centered and restoring our balance.
Take a walk. Leave the room. Go to a meeting. Take a long, hot bath. Call a friend. Call on God. Breathe deeply. Find peace. From that place of peace and centering will emerge an answer, a solution.
Today, I will surrender and trust that the answer is near.


It feels so good to know that I am healing from my old wounds. As I bring love and acceptance to myself today I can watch the pain disappear and I feel so much better about myself. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 20
Fall into the Arms of Universal Love

Often in our lives we stand on a precipice. Something happens, a situation occurs, and in one moment our life changes dramatically in a way we hoped and prayed it wouldn’t. We topple off. In that moment, we may feel as if we’ve been pushed off a cliff.

Other times when we stand poised and our life changes radically in one moment, it’s a welcome change. We feel delightfully spontaneous, guided, powerful, centered. Ready to take risks. Ready to leap into the adventure.

Sometimes we’re pushed, sometimes we decide to make the leap on our own. Either way, we’re safe, we’re protected. Either way we can trust that we’ll land in the arms of universal love.

*****

more language of letting go
Be present now

Take time, but not too much, to see where you want to go. Learn the lessons from your past. Then let go of yesterday. Let tomorrow take care of itself. Even our best prediction about what may come in the future is only an educated guess, no matter how diligently we try to see ahead. If all you look at is where you're going, you'll miss all the wonder and beauty along the way. And once you get there-- your future-- you may not even remember where you've been. Rushing may be such a habit that you won't enjoy your future once it arrives.

Be where you are right now. See what's in front of you, not what you wish were there. Take time to see, enjoy, and appreciate what's present. Take action if you need to. Or just enjoy the view. You've worked hard to get here. Enjoy it.

The past is important. It's where we've been. The future is important,too. But there's no time-- and no time as real-- as the present.

Learn to be here,now.

God heighten my awareness and appreciation of each moment in my life.

*****

Argument
Stepping Back from Anger

by Madisyn Taylor

The emotional trigger than begins an argument may have little to do with your present situation, but has dug up a wound.


When we find ourselves in an argument, we may feel like we are losing control of emotions that have taken on lives of their own. When we can become aware that this is happening, taking a deep breath can help us step back from the situation. Once we can separate ourselves from the heat of the moment, we may find that the emotional trigger that began the argument has little to do with the present situation, but may have brought up feelings related to something else entirely. Looking honestly at what caused our reaction allows us to consciously respond more appropriately to the situation and make the best choices.

We can make an agreement with our partners and those closest to us that asking questions can help all of us discover the source of the argument. The shared awareness can result in finding simple solutions to something physical, like low blood sugar or even a hormonal surge. Maybe we are taking ourselves too seriously, and we can just laugh and watch the tension dissolve. We could also discover that perhaps we are addicted to the excitement that drama brings and the chemicals that our body creates when we are angry. But there may be a deeper issue that requires discussion, understanding, and patience. The more we allow ourselves to step back and examine our reasons for arguing, the easier it becomes to allow real feelings to surface and guide us toward solutions that improve our lives.

When we can be clear about our feelings and intentions and communicate them clearly, we have a far better chance of getting what we want than if we lose control or allow our subconscious minds to manipulate the situation. We might take our frustrations out on the people closest to us because we feel safe and comfortable with them, but misplaced anger can cause more harm than good. Arguing for what we truly believe can empower us and help us to direct our passions toward greater life experiences. Truly knowing our reasons for arguing enables us to grow emotionally in ways that will affect our whole being. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 20

Reflection For The Day

Before I admitted my powerlessness over alcohol and other chemicals, I had as much self-worth as a “peeled zero.” I came into The Program as a nobody who desperately wanted to be a somebody. In retrospect, my self-esteem was shredded, seemingly beyond repair. Gradually, The Program has enabled me to achieve an even-stronger sense of self-worth. I’ve come to accept myself, realizing that I’m not so bad as I had always supposed myself to be. Am I learning that my self-worth is not dependent on the approval of others, but instead is truly an “inside job”?

Today I Pray

When I am feeling down and worthless, may my Higher Power and my friends in the group help me see that, although I was “fallen,” I was not “cast down.” However sick I might have been in my worst days, with all the self-esteem of an earth worm, may I know that I still had the power of choice. And I chose to do something about myself. May that good choice be the basis for my reactivated self-worth.

Today I Will Remember

I will not kick myself when I’m down.

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One More Day
October 20

By a tranquil mind I mean nothing else than a mind well ordered.
– Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

When we are diagnosed as having a permanent medical condition, we may think we’ll never know tranquility again. Before too long, though, we realize that whether we are entirely healthy or not, we bring to our new challenge the same value system we always had. We can still find peace and serenity in our lives, for we continue to live our lives as well as we are able.

We owe it to ourselves to search out tranquility — a state in which we feel extremely peaceful, at eas3e with our inner strength, with nature, and with our sense of higher purpose. Walking hand in hand with tranquility creates harmony, a time when our thoughts are orderly and we feel little distress.

I will work on keeping a peaceful mind in order to smooth out my rougher days.

October 21

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Great events make me quiet and calm; it is only trifles that irritate my nerves. --Queen Victoria
Isn't that always the way? We cope with major events, like births and weddings, fairly well. It is the little things--so inconsequential in the long run--that upset us. If the kids don't pick up their rooms, or dinner is late, or we can't go to the movies because we haven't done our homework, we become irritated and annoyed. Minor things like these upset us much more than they should.
Are they really so important? A messy room is not a terminal illness. A late dinner won't affect our health unless we get so upset about it we make ourselves sick. We'll survive.
If we think back to the last time we were angry or upset, does it seem important now? We probably can't even remember why we reacted that way. How much better life is when we let go of the little irritations.
What irritation can I let go of today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
No man can produce great things who is not thoroughly sincere in dealing with himself. --James Russell Lowell
We are in the business of producing miracles. The renewal of life in us and others in this program is a great event and happens only after we establish an honest relationship with ourselves. No longer can we excuse our minimizing and little white lies that push aside the truth. No longer can we deny our private fears and self doubts. In our growing sincerity with ourselves, we can admit our weaknesses. Some of us feel inadequate at our work, many of us have feelings that we aren't masculine enough, and many of us feel tempted to return to old destructive behaviors.
In this program we have a renewal based on truth. We build upon solid reality rather than upon fiction. Denying the truth to ourselves always made us weaker and sicker than the facts themselves ever could. Viewing the facts from a new position of acceptance shows they aren't nearly as bad as we thought. Our sincerity with ourselves becomes a solid footing for growth.
My strength today is based upon a sincere relationship with myself.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
The strength of the drive determines the force required to suppress it. --Mary Jane Sherfey
We are all struggling to succeed. And each day of our lives we'll be confronted with major or minor adversities that might well interfere with our success. Adversities don't have to hinder us, however. They can strengthen us, if we incorporate them as opportunities for growth.
For many of us, the ability to handle adversity is a fairly recent phenomenon. And not always can we do it securely and with ease. But we are coming to believe that a power greater than ourselves is at hand and will guarantee us all the strength we'll ever need. Knowing that action is always possible, that passive acceptance of any condition need never be necessary are unconditional gifts of living the Twelve Step program.
Our path forward is as certain as our commitment to it, our belief in the strength of the program, and our faith that all is well even when times are troubled. No one ever promised that our new way of life would be always easy. But we have been promised that we'll arrive at our proper destination if we do the footwork and let God do the navigating.
Success is at hand. I will apply what I'm learning, and I'll meet it.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Financial Responsibility
"When I began recovery from chemical dependency, I had to face my money mess stone cold sober, and I really had a mess," said one woman.
"I wasn't able to earn much at first, and it was important to me to make amends. I had past due bills from years before. I needed to try to stay current with my new bills. I had a lot more money before I sobered up. But in time, slowly, gradually, my financial situation cleared up. I restored my credit. I had a checking account. I had a little money in the bank.
"Then I married an alcoholic and began to learn about my codependency - the hard way. I lost myself, my feelings, my sanity, and all the progress I had made with my financial affairs. My husband and I opened a checking account together, and he over drafted checks until I lost the right to have a checking account. I let him charge and charge on my credit card, and he drove that into the ground.
"We borrowed and borrowed to keep our sinking ship afloat - and we borrowed a lot from my parents," she said. "By the time I began my recovery from codependency, I was again facing a real financial mess. I was furious, but it didn't matter who did what. I had some serious financial matters to face if that part of my life was ever going to become manageable again.
"Slowly - very slowly - I began to work out of my mess. It seemed impossible! I didn't even want to face it, it felt so overwhelming and hopeless. But I did. And each day I did the best I could to be responsible for myself.
"One decision I made was to separate and protect myself financially from my husband, the best I could, before and after we divorced. The other decision I made was to face and begin reconstructing the financial affairs in my life.
"It was difficult. We owed over fifty thousand dollars, and my ability to produce income had dramatically decreased. I was grieving; my self-esteem was at an all time low; my energy was low. I did not know how I would ever untangle this nightmare. But it did happen. Slowly, gradually, with the help of a Higher Power, manageability crept in and replaces chaos.
"I began by not spending more than I earned. I paid back some creditors, a little at a time. I let go of what I couldn't do, and focused on what I could do.
"Now, eight years have passed. I am debt free, which I never imagined possible. I am living comfortably, with money in the bank. My credit has been restored, again. And I intend to keep it that way.
"I am not willing to lose my financial sanity and security again, ever, for love or for alcoholism. With the help of God and the Twelve Steps, I won't have to."
One day at a time, we can be restored in recovery - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. It may get worse before it gets better - because we are finally facing reality instead of dodging it. But once we make the decision to take financial responsibility for ourselves, we are on our way.
God, help me remember that what seems hopeless today can often be solved tomorrow, even if I can't see the solution. If I have allowed the problems of others to hurt me financially, help me repair and restore my boundaries around money - and what I am willing to lose. Help me understand that I do not have to allow anyone else's financial irresponsibility, addiction, disease, or problem to hurt me financially. Help me go on with my life in spite of my present financial circumstances, trusting that if I am willing to make amends and be responsible, things will work out.


Today I know that I am not alone. Today I know that God guides me in all situations and all I have to do to get help is to ask for it. --Ruth Fishel God help me to stay sober and clean today!

*****

Journey to the Heart
Learn to Nurture and Be Nurtured

It was a quiet morning. I was holed up in a hotel room at the mouth of Bryce Canyon, working on this book. Working on my life. I stayed in bed for a while-- thinking, pondering, wondering. Finally I got up, went to the restaurant for coffee and a roll, then went for a drive. Soak up nature, I told myself. This journey is a living meditation.

I drove into Bryce Canyon Park, letting the massive stones, the colors and spirals, the eternity of the canyon touch me, heal me, soothe my soul. An hour later, when I felt calmer and more energized, I got back in the car and headed for the park exit. Several cars were jammed up. I wondered if there had been an accident. Then I saw why the others had stopped. A mother deer was standing on the side of the road, gently nuzzling her fawn. She stood by her off-spring's side, protecting and nurturing.

Many of us barely remember a mother's nurturing love; some of us do, with fondness and joy. Many of us have experienced the great gift of nurturing and loving our children, a joy that opens the heart in a way little else can. Some of us have learned to give and receive nurturing in other ways, to people outside our immediate families. But most of us, along the way, have learned the gift, the wonder, the awe, and the healing blessings of nurturing. Giving and reveiving is a continuous cycle, a necessary part of the road to the heart.

Learn to nurture others. Nurture and love yourself. The whole universe will rally round and help. Others will applaud your efforts and learn from them, the way the passersby stopped to gaze on the deer and her fawn.

Celebrate the power of nurturing. Release its gentle love. It rests inside each of us, waiting to be seen, appreciated, and brought to life.

*****

more language of letting go
Cultivate awareness

Often the words "consciousness" and "awareness" are used interchangebly. ... Consciousness is the pulsing vibration that is the essence of all things. Awareness is the individuating "I AM" in each of us. Wherever I am, my awareness is also. When I move, my awareness goes with me. When I focus my awareness on something, I perceive that thing. Through my physical sensory organs I am aware of sights, sounds, tastes, smells and touch. Through higher sensory perception I am aware of much more.
--Enid Hoffman

Use all your senses, whether you are visualizing the future or sinking into a joyful awareness of where you are right now. Don't just look at the flower-- touch it. Smell it. Feel it.

Don't just gaze at the people in your life. Hear them. Feel their power and presence.

Slow down. Don't move so fast. You'll miss important things. Cultivate awareness. Bring your senses, all of them, into the heart of your life.

Awareness isn't about looking. It's about seeing with more than our eyes. Often when we look for a thing, whether it's a home or a girlfriend, all we can see is our projections-- our hopes, fears, past, and desires.

Relax. Stop projecting yourself onto the world. Let go of judgements. Let things and people be what and who they are.

Cultivate awareness by using all your senses.

Learn to see what is.

God, help me slow down and become aware.

*****

The Joyful Flow
Good Vibrations

Feelings vibrate, just as all things in the universe do, at a particular frequency. Negative feelings like anger, guilt, and depression vibrate at low frequencies, while positive feelings like joy, appreciation, and passion vibrate at high frequencies. These high frequency vibrations make us feel good. This is why people and places that inspire and cultivate positive feelings have what we call good vibrations.

Good vibrations inspire health, happiness, and optimism. When we are tuned in to good vibrations, our bodies heal, our hearts open, and our minds shift toward the light. We see new possibilities and feel powerfully energized to follow our inner visions. At the same time, we feel relaxed and capable of manifesting these visions without giving in to stress or struggle. Good vibrations put us in a state of perfect receptivity so that we feel it is the energy flowing through us that accomplishes what needs to be done. We feel guided, supported, protected, and nourished within this joyful flow. We sometimes forget that we are allowed to feel this way all the time.

Lower frequency vibrations are not bad in a moral sense, but they are bad in the sense that they simply don’t feel good. Still, they have a purpose, which is to alert us to the fact that we are blocking out the higher frequency vibrations that we need to function well. They are a call for healing ourselves from within. The key to our healing lies in remembering that it is our birthright to feel good and that feeling good is the essence of our true nature. When we are receiving and sending out good vibrations, we are in the flow. When we are not, we can begin to raise our vibration by seeking out people, places, and situations that vibrate at a higher frequency. Whether we need to go on retreat or just call a friend who makes us laugh, seeking out those good vibrations and basking in them is a sacred and loving practice that returns us, time and again, to the joyful flow of the universe. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time
October 21

Reflection for the Day
There's a world of difference between the idea of self-love and love of self. Self-love is a reflection of an inflated ego, around which - in our distorted view of our own self-importance - everything must revolve. Self-love is the breeding ground for hostility, arrogance and a host of other character defects which blind us to any point of view but our own. Love of self, in contrast, is an appreciation of our dignity and value as human beings. Love of self is an expression of self-realization, from which springs humility.

Do I believe that I can love others best when I have gained love of self?

Today I Pray
May God, who loves me, teach me to love myself. May I notice that the most arrogant and officious humans are not so completely sure of themselves, after all. Instead, they are apt to have a painfully low self-image, an insecurity which they cloak in pomp and princely trappings. May God show me that when I can like myself, I am duly crediting Him, since every living thing is a work of God.

Today I Will Remember
I will try to like myself.

*****

One More Day

Business runs after nobody; people cling to it of their own free will and think that to be busy is proof of happiness. --Lucius Annacus Seneca

Sometimes we need to keep busy just to fill time. After a loss or health change, we may have great amounts of time to fill. We may turn to busy work --- work having no significance but marking time as we move toward yet another adjustment. Tool-shop organizing, closet cleaning, and other tasks might be ploys we need, emotionally, to perform in rote fashion.
When we are adjusting, we may need to be busy ---- to think, to decide on new plans of action, and to move forward. We won't need busy work, and we'll be able to make gains again. As we make our adjustments, very, very, slowly, the purpose of our lives will return.

I will put effort into my days to find meaning. It may be difficult to stay busy, but I can do it.

October 22

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Sometimes it takes a rainy day just to let you know, everything's gonna be alright. --Cris Williamson
Rainy days let us slow down. We are busy people, driving ourselves to go places and get things done. But rain seems to slow life down, even in our hearts. And slowing down can show us the peace in our lives, the peace of knowing we have all we need right inside us. The pressures of the world can drop away for a time while we reflect.
As the rain soaks into the ground, its serenity enters our hearts. Leaves on trees begin to look more green. Plants and flowers are no longer thirsty. When we slow down, we can be comforted by what we have in our hearts, knowing everything is going to be all right.
What comfort can I find within myself right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Self-righteousness is a loud din raised to drown the voice of guilt within us. --Eric Hoffer
A holier-than-thou attitude within us is often a sign of unconscious dishonesty. Who hasn't had the feeling of being superior to the angry outburst or the near slip of another man - and then found himself in the very same spot the next day? What we least want to admit about ourselves is what we are most likely to feel self-righteous about.
Since our blind spots and self-deception leave us vulnerable to returning to old behaviors, we must attack them vigorously. The man we feel most self-righteous toward may be the man we could learn the most from. When we stop focusing on him, we may notice he touches our most sensitive area. We're all creatures of God and equals in God's sight. The ways we create inequality are the ways we fall short of God's wisdom.
I will use my self-righteous feelings to point me to my own blind spots.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Children awaken you own sense of self when you see them hurting, struggling, testing; when you watch their eyes and listen to their hearts. Children are gifts, if we accept them. --Kathleen Tierney Crilly
Children look to us and their world with fresh eyes, uncynical attitudes, open hearts. They react spontaneously to the events in their lives; what they feel is who they are.
Close observation of children can help us. See how complex we have made our lives! Their simple honesty can serve us well. To look at the world, once again, with wonder, is a byproduct offered us when we live the principles of this program.
So many gifts await us when we accept the program and its principles. We dispense with the baggage of the past. We learn to live this day only. And we come to believe that there is a power greater than ourselves that has everything and us in our lives under control. Children instinctively trust those who take care of them. We can learn to trust, once again, when we apply the Steps of this program to our lives.
I will look to this day with wonder and trust. Everything is okay. I am in the care of a power greater.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Holding Your Own
Trust yourself. Trust what you know.
Sometimes, it is hard to stand in our own truth and trust what we know, especially when others would try to convince us otherwise.
In these cases, others may be dealing with issues of guilt and shame. They may have their own agenda. They may be immersed in denial. They would like us to believe that we do not know what we know; they would like us not to trust ourselves; they would prefer to engage us in their nonsense.
We don't have to forfeit our truth or our power to others. That is codependency.
Believing lies is dangerous. When we stop trusting our truth, when we repress our instincts, when we tell ourselves there must be something wrong with us for feeling what we feel or believing what we believe, we deal a deadly blow to our self and our health.
When we discount that important part of ourselves that knows what is the truth, we cut ourselves off from our center. We feel crazy. We get into shame, fear, and confusion. We can't get our bearings when we allow someone to pull the rug from under us.
This does not mean that we are never wrong. But we are not always wrong.
Be open. Stand in our truth. Trust what you know. And refuse to buy into denial, nonsense, bullying, or coercion that would like to take you off course.
Ask to be shown the truth, clearly - not by the person trying to manipulate or convince you, but by yourself, your Higher Power, and the Universe.
Today, I will trust my truth, my instincts, and my ability to ground myself in reality. I will not allow myself to be swayed by bullying, manipulating, games, dishonesty, or people with peculiar agendas.


Today I pray for the knowledge of God's Will for me and the power to carry it through. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey to the Heart
Heal Your Past


Open your heart to the universe. Let it bring you love and comfort. Let it bring you healing. Let it take you back to your past long enough to heal, so you can move forward into joy.

Universal love can bring something other than straightforward movement. Sometimes it takes us backward into our past and leaves us there long enough to heal. An incident occurs, and we react strongly; our emotions are more intense than necessary for the present moment. We may not notice. We may think, This is now; this is how I'm feeling about what's happening today. But as we become more aware, some part of us says, I'm feeling something from yesterday,too, something I wasn't safe rnough to see and feel then.

Let yourself feel your past. Then let yourself heal. Take responsibility for your behaviors. Let the emotions clear. Then you will see what the universe has done. It has just created a healing scenario for you-- a gentle trigger to the past, a gentle step forward for your heart.

*****

more language of letting go
Be aware of your heroes

Heroes and mentors can inspire and teach us to do great things in our lives. They can help point us in the right direction whenr we're unsure. They can bring us just the right message, at just the right time. Usually we can find someone who has walked the path before us, and can lead us with his or her example. The problem comes when he or she stops being a mentor to us and becomes an idol instead. If we spend too much time revering an individual, we can easily lose sight of the message.

Take a look at the people in your life that you have chosen as mentors, heroes, sponsors, or teachers. Appreciate all the help they give you. But be aware that they don't and can't have all the answers. They're human,too. They to have blind spots, prejudices, and their own lessons to go through. And yes, they'll make mistakes. But if their hearts are true, they'll come back to the path. And if your heart is true, maybe you'll be a light helping guide them there.

Listen to your mentors. Respect then for who they are. Be grateful for the inspiration and messages that come through them to you. But don;t worship your heroes.

Learn to think for yourself as well.

God, help me remember that it's the message, not the messenger, that counts. Thank you for my heroes, teachers, and mentors, but help me remember not to lift them up too high.

*****

Spiritualizing the Planet
Ascension

by Madisyn Taylor

As we ascend, we gain consciousness of the more subtle aspects of our being and begin to connect with all that is.


We are one with the cosmos whether we realize it or not. Realizing it, though, quickens our spiritual energy and allows us access to higher realms. In those higher realms lies the awareness that we are more than just finite physical beings living one life in one place at one point in time. Connecting with this awareness is to awaken to the truth and take a step forward, and upward, on our soul’s journey. This upward movement is known as ascension because the more we remember who we are and embody that truth, the higher our energy vibrates; we ascend up the scale from the gross physical plane to the subtle spiritual plane. As we ascend, we gain consciousness of the more subtle aspects of our being, with the ultimate outcome being a complete identification with the light body, an experience of unification with the cosmos.

As you look around you, you will see that many people are not even interested in these ideas. Others are open and paying attention. Still others have devoted their lives to deepening their understanding of the truth. All these people are on the path of ascension, but they will ascend at different rates. Each soul chooses its own path. The more devoted a person is to remembering and being guided by spirit, the more quickly the soul will ascend. These people are at the forefront of an important process of raising the energetic vibration of the whole planet. The earth, made of the same energy we are, is undergoing this shift along with us. This evolutionary process, while seemingly chaotic at times, is as natural as the process that unfolds a flower from a seed and we are all part of it.

It shouldn’t be forgotten that the earth too is on her own ascension path as she is sentient. The best way to support this process in yourself and in the world is simply to relax and be open to its unfolding. Listen to your inner guidance, and let it guide you to the path that brings your heart the most joy. Published with permission Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time
Oct. 22

Reflection for the Day
"Not all those who know their minds know their hearts as well," wrote LaRochefoucauld. The Program is of inestimable value for those of us, formerly addicted, who want to know ourselves and who are courageous enough to seek growth through self-examination and self-improvement. If I remain honest, open-minded and willing, The Program will enable me to rid myself of my self-deceptive attitudes and character flaws that for so long prevented me from growing into the kind of person I want to be.

Do I try to help others understand The Program and Twelve Steps? Do I carry the message by example?

Today I Pray
I ask God's blessing for the group, which has shown me so much about myself that I was not willing to face on my own. May I have the courage to be confronted and to confront, not only to be honest for honesty's sake - which may be reason enough - but to allow myself and the others in the group to grow in self-knowledge.

Today I Will Remember
We are mirrors of each other.

************************************

One More Day
October 22

This is the bitterest knowledge among men, to have much knowledge but no power.
–Herodotus

We have the power to influence others’ lives only when we share what we have learned. If we fail to or refuse to recognize the value of our knowledge, we force ourselves into a sort of isolation and — worse still — deprive others of our insights.

We know how to handle intricate personal relationships and delicate problems. We have gained the emotional stability to allow ourselves to depend on others and on our Higher Power. We can share this knowledge with others, not to serve our own needs, but to help our fellow human beings.

A loving power is mine when I gently share the knowledge I have with others.

October 23

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. --D. H. Lawrence
Sometimes when we feel sorry for ourselves we will sit alone in our bedroom. We may even feel so down in the dumps that we decide to stay there, indulging in self-pity, thinking about how the world is against us.
However, if we use our imagination to step outside our own point of view for a moment, we might think differently. If we were deer in the forest, we would be thinking about keeping safe from the wolves, and where our next meal would be coming from.
The animals have no time to feel sorry for themselves, they are too busy doing what has to be done to survive, and each thing that happens presents a new survival problem to be solved.
When we feel blue, it helps to keep this in mind. If we have the time to feel down, and can get physically comfortable while doing it, how bad can the problem really be?
In what ways is my life comfortable, easy, and full of love?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Self-knowledge and self-improvement are very difficult for most people. It usually needs great courage and long struggle. --Abraham Maslow
This is a simple program but it isn't easy. We cannot take the principles we learn and thereby possess them as if we were taking a class or reading a book. We need to live them. We can only get this program by participating with others who are also on the journey. Gradually we absorb it into every fiber of our being. This takes time and dedication.
The honesty required is sometimes frightening and painful. Any man who remains faithful to this program has great courage and deserves deep respect. But we do not have to wait long to begin receiving the rewards. New freedoms, good feelings, and friendships quickly develop, and we are promised in this program to continue growing and to receive more benefits throughout our lives. What rewards have come from our courage and struggle?
I will give much to my spiritual growth because it gives much to me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
...words are more powerful than perhaps anyone suspects, and once deeply engraved in a child's mind, they are not easily eradicated. --May Sarton
How burdened we became, as little girls, with the labels applied by parents, teachers, even school chums. We believe about ourselves what others teach us to believe. The messages aren't always overt. But even the very subtle ones are etched in our minds, and they remind us of our "shortcomings" long into adulthood.
Try as we might to forget the criticisms, the names, they linger in our memories and influence our self-perceptions as adults. The intervening years have done little to erase whatever emotional scars we acquired as children.
Our partnership with God will help us understand that we are spiritual beings with a wonderful purpose in this life. And we are as lovely, as capable, as successful as we perceive ourselves to be. Our own thoughts and words, our own labels can become as powerful as those of our youth. It takes practice to believe in ourselves. But we can break the past's hold on us.
My higher power will help me know the real me. I am all that I ever needed to be; I am special, and I will come to believe that.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Morning Cues
There is an important message for us first thing every day.
Often, once we get started with the day, we may not listen as closely to life and ourselves as we do in those still moments when we first awaken.
An ideal time to listen to ourselves is when we are laying quietly, our defenses are down, and we're open and most vulnerable.
What is the first feeling that floods through us, the feeling that perhaps we are trying to avoid during the business of the day? Are we angry, frustrated, hurt, or confused? That is what we need to focus on and work through. That's the issue we need to address.
When you awaken, what is the first idea or thought that enters your mind? Do you need to finish a timely project? Are you in need of a fun day? A restful day?
Do you feel sick and need to nurture yourself? Are you in a negative frame of mind? Do you have an issue to resolve with someone?
Do you need to tell someone something? Is something bothering you? Is something feeling particularly good?
Does an idea occur to you, something you could get or do that would feel good?
When you awaken, what is the first issue that presents itself? You don't have to be fearful. You don't have to rush. You can lay still and listen and then accept the message.
We can define some of our recovery goals for the day by listening to the morning message.
God, help me let go of my need to be in resistance to the harmonic flow of life. Help me learn to go with the flow and accept the help and support that You have to offer me.


God is guiding me with every step and every breath I take today. All I have to do is wake up, ask for help guidance and knowledge to a power greater than myself, and trust that I will know what to do. --Ruth Fishel

************************************

Journey To The Heart
October 23
Cherish Joy

Choose joy. Then cherish and savor it.

Joy is not a fleeting emotion based on outward sircumstances, a transitory feeling of the moment, a reaction to the scenery around you. It comes from within your heart like a waterfall that rushes out the side of a mountain. Joy is a runoff from the wellspring within you. And sometimes it is a delightful, surprising contrast to the scenery around you.

Embrace joy. Relish it. Even if those around you don’t have it right now, you can feel your joy. You don’t have to be disrespectful of their feelings, nor do you have to let their lack of joy diminish yours.

You have done your work. You have chosen to open your heart. Now you have your reward

Cherish joy. It’s your treasure. You’ve found it. You’ve earned it. It’s yours.

*****

more language of letting go
Find and respect your own stride

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old: seek what they sought.
--Basho

One of the dangers of following a hero is the temptation to emulate them too much instead of walking our own path. John quit his job and started his own company when he was twenty-four years old. Five years later he sold out for millions of dollars. We want to be like John so we try the same thing and go broke. What happened? Is the universe against us? No. We just got confused about the difference between learning from a hero and trying to walk his path. John's path may have led him to start a company; your path may also lead you on that course, just not at the same time in your life.

We can still learn much from our heroes and the people we admire. Just be aware that their path and time frame may be different from ours.

When the time comes for you to start that business, learn a new skill, enter into a relationship, or whatever you're hoping to do, the experience will be there. The experience will be ready for you when you're ready for it. Your timing may be different from everyone else's.

I know people who got married after knowing each other only two weeks and then stayed mostly happily married for more than thirty years. I know people who date each other for years and still can't decide if they're ready to commit. My friend made the transition from living in the Midwest to living in California in months. That transition took me several years.

We each have our own stride and path. And while many of our lessons are similar, each of us is unique. If we spend our time trying to emulate a person rather than an idea, we'll at best be an inferior version of our teacher and at worst will never discover our own path. Their stride will be too long or too short for us, and we won't learn the true lesson, which is to trust our inner guide.

Gautama Buddha found enlightenment while sitting under a banyan tree; Milarepa found it while living as a hermit in a Himalayan cave. Gaining enlightenment isn't an exercise in following a person; it's an exercise in following your heart.

God, help me let go of any expectations of perfection I may have of myself or others. Help me be aware of the messages you send me, then help me discern my own truth.

*****

Opening to Understanding
Willingness to Feel

We must be willing to dive deep and feel, really feel what is underneath. This is where you will be set free.


There are times when we may find ourselves struggling or even fighting with our thoughts and emotions. We may feel that something must be done in a certain way or not at all, or there may be some other situation that feels absolutely black and white. But life is not this way—it's the way we are looking at our experiences that is causing the turmoil within us. When we become aware that the struggle we are having is with ourselves, we can turn our attention to the source in order to solve the problem, but we must be being willing to look where we need to and feel emotions that may make us uncomfortable at first. Then we can choose to really open ourselves to understanding all the options we can imagine. We are likely to discover that we are resisting something based on a limited understanding, and we must then open ourselves to willingness.

When we are willing to look at all the possibilities, we also become willing to accept that there is room for more than we can imagine. We can release ourselves from the grip we had on our emotions and stop limiting ourselves. We may have been unwilling to experience feeling loss, confusion, fear, or even joy for some reason or another, but when we realize that our understanding was limited we allow space for the universe to move in our lives.

Opening ourselves to willingness may feel like we are surrendering or abandoning all that we believed. But at the same time it is an act of power and courage because it is a conscious choice we make about how to apply our personal will. Being willing is to be in a state of willing something into creation. It is at once allowing ourselves to be while also choosing to direct our energy in a focused way. It is being and doing from a place of openness, where we can work with the universe rather than resist it. It is an open hand rather than one that is clenched into a fist. When we make a step toward willingness, we open ourselves to truth, possibility, and the movement of the wise universe in and through our lives. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 23

Reflection For The Day

“One’s own self is well hidden from one’s own self,” a renowned philosopher once wrote. “of all mines of treasure, one’s own is the last to be dug up.” The Twelve Steps have enabled me to unearth my “own self,” the one that for so long was buried beneath my desperate need for approval from others. Thanks to The Program and my Higher Power, I’ve begun acquiring a true sense of self and a comfortable sense of confidence. No longer do I have to react chameleon like, changing my coloration from one moment to the next, fruitlessly trying to bee all things to all people. Do I strive, at all time, to be true to myself?

Today I Pray

I pray that I may be honest with myself, and that I will continue — with the help of God and my friends — to try to get to know the real me. May I know that I cannot suddenly be a pulled-together, totally defined, completely consistent personality; it may take a while to develop into that personality, to work out my values and my priorities. May I know now that I have a good start on being who I want to be.

Today I Will Remember

I’m getting to be who I want to be.

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One More Day
October 23

The more passionately we love life, the more intensely we experience the joy of life.
– Jurgen Moltman

While we would occasionally like to hide from the real-life drama around us, we know it’s not a healthy way to live. Instead we live the drama, love it, cry with it, and at times even hate it.

Choosing to live life on its terms brings enthusiasm and passion into our experiences. Our decisions to love life – despite the highs and lows — allows us to delight in the highs and to accept the lows as unavoidable, but momentary, setbacks. Although hiding from reality can sometimes insulate us from pain, it also blinds us to the joys of wonderment and living fully.

I choose to be enthusiastic about my life.

October 24

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Before he closed his eyes, he let them wander around his old room. . .familiar and friendly things. . .which were so glad to see him again and could always be counted on for the same simple welcome. --Kenneth Grahame
When they moved into the house, the room at the top of the stairs was just a junk room. As the years passed, they slowly transformed the room into a guest room.
When they decided they needed another voice in the house, they transformed the room again; out went the fold-out couch, in came a crib and rocking chair; off went the art gallery prints from the walls, up went Winnie the Pooh. t was no longer a guest room, but a place for the baby, a new --- and permanent --- member of the family.
We always have room for more in our lives. When we are ready for it, what we need for growth will emerge.
What do the rooms inside our homes and ourselves have to tell us about the way we live our lives?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Becoming nothing before God, learn to keep silent; in this silence is the beginning, which is first to seek God's kingdom.
--Soren Kierkegaard
So many devastating things can bring us to our knees. With experience we learn that pain and trouble are part of life. Most of us have fought against everyday realities as if they were our personal enemies. We accepted every challenge, thinking we had to be winners every time. Today we may feel broken by the loss of a love, by a disappointing job experience, or by our powerlessness over a loved one.
In our brokenness we find our true humanity. It is the beginning of our spiritual awakening. As men we thought surrender was a word for losers and weaklings. Living this program teaches us that accepting our brokenness opens us to a new kind of wholeness. After we acknowledge we are not in control of every event in our lives, and after admitting our addiction and codependency have controlled us, we come alive inside with the rich new experience of being a person.
God help me today to learn the spiritual lesson contained in my frustrations and grief.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
The universal human yearning [is] for something permanent, enduring, without shadow of change. --Willa Cather
The specter of change builds dread in most of us. We fear the effects on our personal lives. We lack faith that the impending change will benefit us. Only time can assure us of that. And it will, just as every change we've survived up to now has done.
Changes are gifts, really. They come as hallmarks to our present attainments. They signify successful growth. How we struggle to understand this, and how quickly we forget it once we have adapted to the change. The struggle is then repeated the next time change visits us.
We long for permanence, believing it guarantees security, not realizing the only real security available to us comes with our trust in God, from whom all change comes as a blessing on the growth we've attained. If we were to experience total lack of change, we'd find death. Life is challenge, continued change, always endurable and growth-enhancing. We can reflect on what's gone before, and trust that which faces us now.
Change means I am progressing, on course.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Opening ourselves to love.
Open ourselves to the love that is available to us.
We do not have to limit our sources of love. God and the Universe have an unlimited supply of what we need, including love.
When we are open to receiving love, we will begin to receive it. It may come from the most surprising places, including from within ourselves.
We will be open to and aware of the love that is and has been there for us all along. We will feel and appreciate the love from friends. We will notice and enjoy the love that comes to us from family.
We will be ready to receive love in our special love relationships too. We do not have to accept love from unsafe people -- people who will exploit us or with whom we don't want to have relationships.
But there is plenty of good love available -- love that heals our heart, meets our needs, and makes our spirit sing.
We have denied ourselves too long. We have been martyrs too long. We have given so much and allowed ourselves to receive too little. We have paid our dues. It is time to continue the chain of giving and receiving by allowing ourselves to receive.
Today' I will open myself to the love that is coming to me from the Universe. I will accept it and enjoy it when it comes.


Today I find healthy ways to express my anger and resentments so that I can be free of them. Today I empty myself of all anger and resentments so that I can let love come into my heart. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 24
Share Your Heart with the World

Share your heart with the world. Share willingly, openly, joyfully what you have seen, what you have learned.

Don’t tell people how you think you should have handled things. That’s shame. It teaches others to feel ashamed,too. Don’t tell people how you wish you had handled things. That’s needless regret that we pass on to others.

Share honestly and openly about yourself, the way you felt, the things you thought. Share how going through your experience changed you. Talk about your resistance, your pain, the imperfect way you did things, the way you handle things now.

Sharing honestly and openly teaches people aroud us the most helpful truth– that the imperfect way we live our lives is right for us at the time. When we love and accept ourselves enough to honestly share who we are, it helps those we touch to believe that they’re good anough,too.

Share your heart with the world and you will bring healing to those you touch.

*****

more language of letting go
What you see isn't always what you get

I was walking through the mall when I saw a photo booth at one of the kiosks. A large green screen hung as a backdrop and the photographer had her subjects stand in front of it in various poses. After taking the photo, she used a computer to paste it into a scene. You might then look like an alligator wrestler, a snowboarder, a hapless adventurer getting run over by his jeep.

What you see is not always what you get. People are not always what they seem. It's easy for others to paint an inaccurate picture either to impress or manipulate us into doing what they want us to do. Understand that while many, even most, of the people in your life will be honest, there will be those who will paint a false picture. They will claim to have experiemce that you don't; they will claim to know the secret of how to live your life; they will claim to be something they're not. They will try to use their self-exalted position to control and manipulate you.

Be aware of people who would manipulate you by pasting themselves into a false background or scene. Don't just take things at face value. Take your time, as much time as you need, to see what the real background is.

Most of us get misled from time to time. Sometimes people con us. Other times we trick ourselves. Let go of naivete.

God, if I start getting conned or manipulated, please show me and help me see the truth.

*****

Avoiding the Center
Hovering Around the Sun

by Madisyn Taylor

Quiet time each day is so important, but many are so out of practice that it’s almost unnerving to be in stillness.


It’s funny to imagine our lives as something we spend a lot of time avoiding, because it seems like that would be impossible to do. Our lives consist of everything we engage in, from showering to sleeping, but also a lot of busy work that distracts us and keeps us from looking at our lives. Experiencing our life from the inside means taking time each day to simply be alone and quiet in the presence of our soul. Many of us are so out of practice that it’s almost unnerving to have a moment to ourselves. As a result, we may have stopped trying to carve out that time to take a seat at the center of our lives.

One of the reasons it can be uncomfortable to sit with ourselves is because when we do, we tend to open ourselves to an inner voice, which might question the way we’re living or some of the choices we’re making. Sometimes the voice reminds us of our secret, inner yearnings, dreams we thought we had forgotten. When we already feel overwhelmed by our busy schedules, the idea of hearing this voice can be exhausting. However, its reflections are the chords that connect us to our authentic selves, and they are the very things that make our lives worth living. When we continually avoid connecting with our life, we risk losing out on the very purpose of our existence.

To begin the process of being more present and less absent in your life, you might want to set aside just a few minutes each day to simply sit with yourself. This doesn't mean watching a movie or reading a book, but taking time each day for self-examination to avoid the avoidance, to be with yourself in an open way. After a while, you may start to enjoy this part of the day so much that you make less busy work for yourself, so that you can spend more time at the center of your own life, rather than hovering like a planet around the sun.

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A Day At A Time
October 24

Reflection For The Day

So many of us in The Program went through childhood — as well as part of our adult lives — emotionally shackled with the terrible burden called shyness. We found it difficult to walk into crowded rooms, to converse with even our friends, to make eye contact with anyone. The agonies we suffered! We learn in The Program that shyness is just another manifestation of self-centered fear, which is the root of all our character defects. Shyness, specifically, is fear of what others think or might think about us. To our enormous relief, our shyness gradually leaves us as we work The Program and interact with others. Am I aware that I’m okay as long as I don’t concentrate on me?

Today I Pray

God, may I be grateful that I am getting over my shyness, after years of pulling back from people, squirming, blushing, blurting out all the “wrong things” or blurting out all the sayings nothing at all — then reliving the agonies and imagining what I should have said and done. May I know that it has taken a full-blown addiction and a lot of caring people to convince me that I’m Okay — and you’re Okay, he’s Okay, and so is she.

Today I Will Remember

A cure for shyness is caring about someone else.



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One More Day
October 24

We conceal it from oursleves in vain — we must always hav esomething.
–Blaise Pascal

Not knowing how to love may imperil our very existence. Although love doesn’t literally nourish our bodies, not being able to love strips us of our humanness.

Romantic love is only one part of our capacity to love, for there is also the ability to love our friends, family, and our fellow human beings. The ripple effect of our well-being will spread, both within us and from us, and we will begin to nourish our souls as well.

We also learn to love ourselves — all that we are. Self-love enhances our self-image. A strong sense of esteem enhances our entire lives.

I need to love and be loved. It is essential to my psychic well-being that I understand the importance of loving.

October 25

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I love him and I cannot seem to find him. --Ovid
Where can we find the ones we love? Do they always live in our world, or do we have to go out of our way? They often are not at home; we can find them at their work. Their play is different from ours; we could try having their kind of fun.
Too often, we look only for friends who are much like ourselves, and we tend to avoid those who are not. This kind of narrow-mindedness isn't fair to others or ourselves. We are each unique, like the pieces of a puzzle. We are each necessary to the whole picture.
When we go out of our way to know someone else better, we stretch our own boundaries; we give ourselves new space in which to grow.
What part of my life can I discover in someone new today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
The wild geese do not intend to cast their reflection; the water has no mind to receive their image. --Zenrin poem
There are moments which simply happen through no conscious intention or will on anyone's part. The image of an old woman with a peaceful face, the smell of smoke rising from a chimney on a chilly night, the knowing look of recognition from a friend as we make a comment, the special feeling of a touch. These are spiritual moments because they reach a deeper part of our being. They are like a sliver in time set aside which nourishes our souls and adds serenity to our lives.
We grow when we learn to notice these kinds of moments. In our willfulness, we have often missed them before because we simply were not open to anything we weren't already looking for. This world is so much larger than the human mind. In recovery, we can take time to admire the beauty reflected around us.
Today, I will let the rest of life intrude upon my mind. I will let myself be nourished by what comes along.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Love has the quality of informing almost everything--even one's work. --Sylvia Ashton-Warner
We are changed through loving and being loved. Our attitudes are profoundly and positively affected by the presence of love in our lives. Each time we offer a loving response to a friend, co-worker, even a stranger, we powerfully influence the dynamics of the interaction between us.
Every response we make to someone changes us while it informs him or her. When we treat others with disdain, we invite the same. When we express only criticism of others, our self-assessment is equally negative. The beauty of a loving posture is that it calls forth love in response. The more love we give away, the more we receive.
Any task before us is lessened when we carry love in our hearts. Love is more powerful than fear. Love helps to open the channel to God, assuring us of the strength, the understanding, and the patience needed to complete any assignment confronting us.
God loves me, unconditionally. And I will experience the reality of that love the more I give it away. Love wants to change me--and it can.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Letting Go of the Past
... in thy book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me when as yet there was none of them. --Ps. 139:16
Some people believe that each of our days were planned, Divinely Ordered, before we were born. God knew, they say, and planned exactly what was to transpire.
Others suggest we chose, we participated in planning our life - the events, the people, the circumstances that were to take place, in order to work through our issues and learn the lessons we needed to master.
Whatever our philosophy, our interpretation can be similar: Our past is neither an accident nor a mistake. We have been where we needed to be, with the necessary people. We can embrace our history, with its pain, its imperfections, and its mistakes, even its tragedies. It is uniquely ours; it was intended just for us.
Today, we are right where we need to be. Our present circumstances are exactly as they need to be - for now.
Today, I will let go of my guilt and fear about my past and present circumstances. I will trust that where I have been and where I am now are right for me.


No matter how busy I think I am, I will share a part of me with someone else today. I am discovering the joy of giving and I will take the time to stop and share a part of me. I am learning to trust the positive and loving people. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 25
Replenish Yourself

Some of us don’t know how tired we are until we try to relax. Then we realize we’re exhausted.

We may have lived with exhaustion and stress so long it’s become habitual. That doesn’t mean we’re bad or wrong, or even off track. Many of us are deeply involved in activities, work, projects, and relationships we enjoy. We like our lives and the things we’re doing. But sometimes we’ve pushed too hard or too long. Sometimes we haven’t given our bodies adequate time to relax, to rest, to really let go.

It’s all right to take time out. Relax. Refresh. Regroup. It’s all right to rest even if we’re busy, rest often enough to keep ourselves replenished. Get in touch with your body, then stay in touch with yourself.

Find out how tired you are. Then let your body tell you what it needs to come back to life and love.

*****

more language of letting go
Stop tricking yourself

Even the best of us get tricked from time to time. Someone comes along and impresses us with magic. Later we discover it wasn't magic, just illusions.

Sometimes the issue isn't that people were trying to trick us. We tricked ourselves. We saw what we wanted to see, regardless of what reality was. Then, when reality started to creep in, we told ourselves if we held our breath and didn't feel our feelings and hoped long and hard enough, reality would change.

We don't have to get mad at ourselves when we get tricked, even if we've fooled ourselves. We need to see and acknowledge the truth and become aware of what reality is.

Don't let our embarrassment over finding yourself in a bad situation cloud your view of yourself. Sometimes all we need to do is acknowledge the truth, including the truth about how we feel. In a few days or a few months, the solution will become clear.

When all the illusions drop away, that's when real magic begins. You'll be guided along your path.

God, help me remember that when I admit and accept the truth, I'll be given the power and guidance to change.

*****

Big Steps On Life's Path
Being Aware is the First Step

by Madisyn Taylor

There is freedom that comes with awareness, because with it comes the opportunity to make a choice.


Life is a journey comprised of many steps on our personal path that takes us down a winding road of constant evolution. And each day, we are provided with a myriad of opportunities that can allow us to transform into our next best selves. One moment we are presented with an opportunity to react differently when yet another someone in our life rubs us the wrong way; on another day we may find ourselves wanting to walk away from a particular circumstance but are not sure if we can. Eventually, we may find ourselves stuck in a rut that we can never seem to get out of. We may even make the same choices over and over again because we don’t know how to choose otherwise. Rather than moving us forward, our personal paths may take us in a seemingly never-ending circle where our actions and choices lead us nowhere but to where we’ve already been. It is during these moments that awareness can be the first step to change.

Awareness is when we are able to realize what we are doing. We observe ourselves, noticing our reactions, actions, and choices as if we were a detached viewer. Awareness is the first step to change because we can’t make a change unless we are aware that one needs to be made in the first place. We can then begin understanding why we are doing what we are doing. Afterward, it becomes difficult not to change because we are no longer asleep to the truth behind our behaviors. We also begin to realize that, just as much as we are the root source behind the causes for our behaviors, we are also the originator for any changes that we want to happen.

There is a freedom that comes with awareness. Rather than thinking that we are stuck in a repetitive cycle where there is no escape, we begin to see that we very much play a hand in creating our lives. Whether we are aware of them or not, our behaviors and choices are always ours to make. Our past and our present no longer have to dictate our future when we choose to be aware. We are then free to move beyond our old limits, make new choices, and take new actions. With awareness, our paths can’t help but wind us forward in our lives while paving the way for new experiences and new ways of being. It is through awareness that we can continue to consciously evolve. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 25

Reflection For The Day

My addictions were like thieves in more ways than I can count. They robbed me not only of money, property and other material things, but of dignity and self-respect, while my family and friends suffered right along with me. My addictions also robbed me of the ability to treat myself properly, as God would treat me. Today, in total contrast, I’m capable of true love of self — to the extent that I’m able to provide myself with more love than even I need. So I give that love away to other people in The Program, just as they have given their love to me. Do I thank God for their love to me. Do I thank God for bringing me to a Program in which sick people are loved back to health?

Today I Pray

Thanks be to God for a way of life which generates such love and caring that we in The Program can’t help but learn to love ourselves. When I see that someone cares about me, I am more apt to be convinced that perhaps I am, after all, worth caring about. May I be conscious always of the love I am now able to give — and give it.

Today I Will Remember

Someone caring about me makes me feel worth caring about.

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One More Day
October 25

The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you have left when anything happens.
–Ethel Barrymore

Now is a good time for us to pursue our interest and to nurture both new and old relationships. We understands so well how easily and quickly our circumstances can change. This understanding nudges us to expand our experience.

No one of us is immune from the troubles of life. Whether the problem is loss of a job or loss of a home, good health, or a dear friend, we all suffer at one time or another. Keeping our lives as full as possible with the love of good people and the challenge of activities provides support even when times get tough.

Tragedies and hard times will affect me, but I know I have the ability to move on.

October 26

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Whoever is happy will make others happy, too. --Anne Frank
Anne Frank had good reason to be unhappy, full of fear, and deeply discouraged. Years of her life were spent in a small apartment hiding from the Nazis who wanted to destroy her and her family. Yet even in this little hiding place she had happiness. It was something she had inside which did not depend on what happened around her. She had riches of the heart. She had faith that kept her going. She had love and concern for her family and others, which made even a restricted life very rich with feelings. It is tempting to believe that we will be happy when we have something outside ourselves, which will make us happy. But happiness is not something we have to find outside; the seeds are in our hearts already.
What happiness can I find in my latest setback?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit. --D. Elton Trueblood
Our lives are enriched by the contributions of those who lived before us. Many men and women gave more than they ever took from society, and now we enjoy the rewards. Some people were fired with a spirit to beautify the world and planted trees that will live for 200 years. Others wrote music that speaks to us from another generation, and others established a government that guides our principles of justice. They gave so much because they knew they were a part of their community and the world.
Most of us cannot make the great contributions that will make us famous, but we enrich our lives when we contribute freely to improving our community and the world. We do that when we simply say hello to our neighbor, when we serve on a volunteer cleanup committee for a local park, and when we do Twelfth Step work in the program. We too have beautified and contributed to the world, and that gives us a feeling of peace and self-respect.
Today, I will appreciate all that comes freely to me from others, and I will give what I can to make the world a better place.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue, an everlasting vision of the ever-changing view. --Carole King
Every event of our lives is contributing a rich thread to our personal tapestry. Each of us is weaving one unique to ourselves, but all of our tapestries are complementary. We need others' rich designs in order to create our own.
We seldom have the foresight to understand the worth, the ultimate value of a particular circumstance at its beginning. But hindsight offers us clarity. It's good to reflect on the many circumstances that failed to thrill us; in all cases we can now see why we needed them. As our trust in God and the goodness of all experiences grows, we'll more quickly respond with gladness when situations are fresh. No experience is meant for harm. We are coming to understand that, even though on occasion we forget.
Practicing gratitude will help us more fully appreciate what has been offered us. Being grateful influences our attitude; it softens our harsh exterior and takes the threat out of most new situations.
If I greet the day, glad to be alive, I will be gladdened by all the experiences in store for me. Each is making a necessary contribution to my wholeness.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Clarity
I know better than to not trust God., But sometimes, I forget that.
When we are in the midst of an experience, it is easy to forget that there is a Plan. Sometimes, all we can see is today.
If we were to watch only two minutes of the middle of a television program, it would make little sense. It would be a disconnected event.
If we were to watch a weaver sewing a tapestry for only a few moments, and focused on only a small piece of the work, it would not look beautiful. It would look like a few peculiar threads randomly placed.
How often we use that same, limited perspective to look at our life - especially when we are going through a difficult time.
We can learn to have perspective when we are going through those confusing, difficult learning times. When we are being pelted by events that make us feel, think, and question, we are in the midst of learning something important.
We can trust that something valuable is being worked out in us - even when things are difficult, even when we cannot get our bearings. Insight and clarity do not come until we have mastered our lesson.
Faith is like a muscle. It must be exercised to grow strong. Repeated experiences of having to trust what we can't see and repeated experiences of learning to trust that things will work out are what makes our faith muscles grow strong.
Today, I will trust that the events in my life are not random. My experiences are not a mistake. The Universe, my Higher Power, and life are not picking on me. I am going through what I need to go through to learn something valuable, something that will prepare me for the joy and love I am seeking.


I am learning to trust the positive and loving people in my life today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 26
Let the World Help You Open Up

The universe is gentle, loving, benevolent, full of gifts, full of life, full of love. Don’t worry if you feel scared, or if you feel yourself closing down to life’s magic. That feeling won’t last long. It won’t last forever.

Take a walk. Touch a tree, hug it until your fear subsides. Feel the earth under your feet. Watch a sunrise. Ask the universe and God to help you open up. Say it aloud. Then watch what happens. Go where your heart leads, where your inner voice directs you to go. You will find yourself in circumstances that bring you back to your heart.

The universe will help you open up. It will do all it can, lovingly, gently, and with care. It will teach you all you need to know, help you learn all you came here to learn. It will guide you and lead you, open doors and shut windows, until you reach your destination– an open heart and a soul aligned with love.

*****

more language of letting go
Be aware of how you feel

What happened today? How did you feel about it?

Just like all those stuffed feelings from childhood that we could nor deal with then, any feelings that we repress or deny today don't go away. They linger in our energy field until we give them their due. Sometimes these repressed feelings block our view of the truth.

For many of us, resisting our feelings is an ancient pattern and a habitual way of life. Take your time to debrief from your day, but don't just say what you did and what you liked. Say how you felt about each thing that occurred.

You might make a discovery that surprises even you. You don't necessarily have to tell the other person how you feel, but you might. For certain, you at least need to tell yourself.

Today is just a simple reminder of something you already know. Be aware each day of what happens. And be aware of how you feel.

God, help me remember that it's okay to be who I am and feel what I feel, No matter what those feelings are. Remind me when I believe my feelings are a nuisance that they're the key to my power.

*****

Hard Learned Lessons
Bad Days

by Madisyn Taylor

We all have bad days and within these days is usually a gem of a gift waiting to be opened.


We all have days from time to time when it feels like the world is against us or that the chaos we are experiencing will never end. One negative circumstance seems to lead to another. You may wonder, on a bad day, whether anything in your life will ever go right again. But a bad day, like any other day, can be a gift. Having a bad day can show you that it is time to slow down, change course, or lighten up. A bad day can help you glean wisdom you might otherwise have overlooked or discounted. Bad days can certainly cause you to experience uncomfortable feelings you would prefer to avoid, yet a bad day may also give you a potent means to learn about yourself.

You may consider a bad day to be one where you’ve missing an important meeting because your car stalled, the dryer broke, and you received a piece of very bad news earlier in the morning. Multiple misfortunes that take place one after the other can leave us feeling vulnerable and intensely cognizant of our fragility. But bad days can only have a long-term negative effect on us if we let them. It is better to ask yourself what you can learn from these kinds of days. The state of your bad day may be an indicator that you need to stay in and hibernate or let go of your growing negativity.

Bad days contribute to the people we become. Though we may feel discouraged and distressed on our bad days, a bad day can teach us patience and perseverance. It is important to remember that your attitude drives your destiny and that one negative experience does not have to be the beginning of an ongoing stroke of bad luck. A bad day is memorable because it is one day among many good days – otherwise, we wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge it as a bad day. Know too, that everybody has bad days, you are not alone, the world is not against you. Tomorrow is guaranteed to be a brighter day. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 26

Reflection For The Day

From time to time when I see the slogan, But for The Grace of God, I remember how I used to mouth those words when I saw others whose addictions had brought them to what I considered a “hopeless and helpless” state. The slogan had long been a cop-out for me, reinforcing my denial of my own addiction by enabling me to point to others seemingly worse off than I. “9if I ever get like that, I’ll quit,” was my on-repeated refrain. Today, instead, But for the Grace of God has become my prayer of thankfulness, reminding me to be grateful to my Higher Power for my recovery, my life, and the way of life I’ve found in The Program. Was anyone ever more “hopeless and helpless: than I?

Today I Pray

May I know that “but for The grace of God.” I could be dead or insane by now, because there have been others who wanted on addictive paths when I did who are no longer here. May that same grace of God help those who are still caught in the downward spin, who are heading for disaster as sure as gravity.

Today I Will Remember

I have seen God’s amazing Grace.

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One More Day
October 26

Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
– Mark Twain

Even as we approached young adulthood, we clung to our dreams about the future. In those days it may have seemed to us that anything was possible.

It’s not immature to hold on to a dream, even when we know the dream is unlikely to come true. Bald men wish for a full head of hair. Some of us wish we still had young skin. Even through a long-term medical condition has become part of our lives, many of us still hold on to the illusions of our own health being restored.

Now we have a few more years — or decades — behind us. We accept that some things are possible and some are not. Most of us are comfortable with the knowledge. And still we hope.

I hold dearly to many of my illusions. The possibilities of what might occur keep my days full of excitement.

October 27

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Walk. Don't walk. --Traffic Light
Signs direct us on our way in life. Traffic lights tell us to walk (or not), Golden Arches point us to dinner, geese flying south herald the coming winter, flashing neon tells us what to buy. We know how to read these signs of worlds and weather; they help to guide us on our journey.
We can learn to read the signs of human beings, too, to be detectives of the human spirit. Laugh lines around eyes and mouth, the texture of hands, tension in jaws and shoulders can tell much about a person, if we stop to look. All around us are signs that tell us others feel the pain and joy we feel, others need us as we need them, we are understood, and we are not alone.
The marvelous bonus in learning to read these signs in others is that we can begin to let ourselves be read, also.
Will I make good reading for others today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
I feel the more I know God, that He would sooner we did wrong in loving than never love for fear we should do wrong.
--Father Andrew
Love has often been called the first rule of a spiritual life. As we awaken to our new life in this program, we learn that all of God's creation is full of objects for us to love. A sunset repeats the creative energy at work in our world today. It appears briefly, invites our love, and slowly fades away, only to be repeated in a new form the next day. The color and markings on a little bug may inspire our love, as may the smell of moist earth, the excitement of a Broadway musical, the craftsmanship of a well-made tool, or the look of warmth on a friend's face. These are all opportunities for us to let go and feel our love.
We men often feel awkward in expressing love. Perhaps we're so self-conscious and guarded that we brace ourselves against saying or doing anything that wouldn't look good. We're learning through our spiritual development to be more fervent lovers and less perfectionistic in love.
I will be renewed today each time I appreciate something near me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Problems have only the size and the power that you give them. --S. H.
We will not be free from all difficulties today, or during any period of our lives. But we have the personal power to eliminate the threat, the sting of any challenge. But it's our vision of circumstances that gives them their interpretation.
At this moment, we are defining our experience. We are labeling events good or bad, valuable or meaningless. And our growth, particularly this day, is greatly influenced by the value judgments we attach to our experiences.
As we grow stronger emotionally and spiritually, we learn that all difficulties are truly opportunities for exceptional growth and increased awareness of the truth of existence. All experiences can be taken in stride if we are trustful of their intended blessing.
We are sharing this life, every moment of it, with a power greater than ourselves. We need not worry about any circumstance. Always we are watched over. We never need struggle alone.
We can let go of our problems. It's ourselves and that attitude we have cultivated that makes any situation a problem. We can turn it loose and therein discover the solution.
I will not make mountains out of the molehills of my life.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Step Eleven
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. --Step Eleven of Al Anon
"... praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out" means that we ask on a daily basis to be shown the plan for that day. We also ask our Source for the power we need to carry that through. We will get a yes to both requests.
We do not ask other people to show their will for us. We ask God. Then we trust that we'll be empowered to carry God's will through.
God never, never asks us to do anything that He would not equip us to do. He never asks us to do anything we can't do. If we are to do it, we will be empowered. That's the easy part of this program. We never have to do more than we can, or anything we can't. If we want to worry and fuss we can, but we don't need to. That is our choice.
I have learned, through difficult and good times that this Step will carry me through. When I don't know what to do next, God does. Working this Step, one day at a time, will take us to places we could never have traveled on our own. Simple acts, done daily in accordance to God's will for us, lead to a Grand Plan for our life.
Today, I will focus on asking God to show me what He wants me to do. I will ask God for the power to do that; then I will go ahead and get the job done. God, help me let go of my fears about living life one day at a time. Help me trust that when life is lived simply and in trust, a beautiful mosaic called "my life" will be woven. I am being divinely led, guided, and cared for.


Today I practice restraint of tongue and pen and I do not hurt anyone intentionally. Today I give myself time to express myself appropriately. Today I go beyond negative feelings. I act as if I am coming from a place of love. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 27
Have You Been Working Too Hard?

Have you been working too hard at your job, at life, at your spiritual progress? Have you been working too hard on your relationships with people, or trying to gain insights, or on trying to figure out where to go or what to do next?

Many of us have had to work hard. To get from where we were to where we are, we had to push, force, put one foot in front of the other. At least we thought we did. But life doesn’t have to be that hard. Not anymore. The biggest task, the smallest task, the task of living our lives doesn’t have to be that difficult.

There’s a natural rhythm for everything that happens along the way. There’s a natural rhythm and order for all we’re to do. Yes, there are times to begin. Yes, there are times to put one foot in front of the other and go forward. But the joy, the service, the way of life we’re seeking doesn’t come from force. It comes naturally, easily, much more easily than you think. Stop pushing so hard, and see how quickly that rhythm finds you.

You don’t have to make life happen. In fact, you can’t. Relax. Let go. And let it happen.

*****

more language of letting go
Be aware of the illusion of control

Remember how it feels when we try to control someone else.

"I was driving down the road one day behind a car that I decided was driving too slowly," a friend said to me. "I was yelling, raging, and carrying on about the driver in front of me, trying to mentally will him out of my way. I wanted him to move over and let me by.

"While I was driving I observed myself. Then I started to laugh. I wasn't angry about this driver in front of me. I was angry because I was trying to control something that I couldn't change."

Be aware of all your feelings. But also remember to be aware that sometimes it's not the other person that's making us crazy. We're doing it to ourselves.

God, help me be aware of the self-created drama in my life. Help me let go of my need to control. Give me the courage of my feelings. And help me be aware of when my self-will is running riot.

*****

Reviving a Community Tradition
Storytelling by Madisyn Taylor

Most cultures use storytelling to pass down family history using the power and energy of the human voice.

Ever since our ancestors could first communicate, we have gathered to share our stories. We have passed along creation tales and tragic stories of love lost. We have repeated accounts of real heroism and simple stories of family history. When our forebears lived closer to the land and to each other, the practice of storytelling was imbued with ritual and occasion. Members of the tribe would often gather around the fire to hear their genealogy recited aloud by an elder or master storyteller. Listeners could track how their own lives, and the lives of their parents, interwove with the lives of the other tribe members, as everyone’s ancient relatives once played out similar life dramas together.

As a custom, some cultures’ storytellers repeat the same tale over and over because they believe that each time you hear it, you come to the story as a different person and view the plot and characters in a new light. Hearing the story over and over is a way to gauge where you have been and where you are now on your path of personal evolution. It also helps the younger generation learn the stories so that they can pass them to forthcoming generations.

When we hear others tell stories, we can laugh at their humorous adventures, feel the thrill of exciting encounters, see parts of ourselves in them, and learn from the challenges they face. Though most of our formal traditions of storytelling are lost, it does not mean we have to be without. We can begin new practices in our own families of listening to one another, of honoring our own journey, and witnessing the journeys of those around us. We can revive the fireside communal by gathering around the campfire or hearth with family and friends, sharing in stories. By building new practices of storytelling, we give ourselves and the ones we love an opportunity to draw ever closer in our shared human experience. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 27

Reflection For The Day

The Program’s Fourth Step suggests that we make a fearless moral inventory of ourselves. For so many of us, especially newcomers, the task seems impossible. Each time we take pencil in hand and try to look inward, Pride says confidingly, “You don’t have to bother to look.” And Fear cautions, “You’d better not look.” We find eventually that this sort of pride and fear are mere wisps of smoke, the cloudy strands from which we woven the mythology of our old ideas. When we push pride and fear aside and finally make a fearless inventory, we experience relief and a new sense of confidence beyond description. Have I made an inventory? Have I shared its rewards so as to encourage others?

Today I Pray

May I not be stalled by my inhibitions when it comes to making a moral inventory of myself. May I not get to the Fourth Step and then screech to a stop because the task seems overwhelming. May I know that my inventory today, even though I try to make it “thorough” and honest, may not be as complete as it will be if I repeat it again, for the process of self-discovery goes on and on.

Today I will Remember

Praise God for Progress.

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One More Day
October 27

Better be alone than in bad company.
–Thomas Fuller

Most of us have had the experience of being befriended by someone who seems to want to spend every waking moment in our company. At first, we may be delighted with the attention and enjoy the excitement of the developing relationship. Then, suddenly we feel smothered. The other person gives us no time along; he or she is such a constant presence that we feel out of touch with ourselves.

We seem to have to choose between crushing our new friend or submitting to the constant intrusion, but first we may need to remind ourselves that we have the right to create the framework of our company is not our choice, we are free to say, “I need more time alone.” This isn’t a rejection of others; it’s an affirmation of ourselves and our need for solitude.

I can find a healthy balance between my time with others and my time alone.

October 28

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I feel no need for any other faith than my faith in human beings. --Pearl S. Buck
We owe each other respect. We cannot expect to be respected if we don't respect others around us. When we respect others, we respect their property and personal belongings as well as their self-esteem and their right to voice an opinion. Respect is a way of cooperating with each other.
We can imagine a submarine where crewmembers did not respect each other's personal belongings or their ability to do the job. The ship would soon stop functioning because of the chaos. In a family we live in close quarters, like a submarine crew. Respect for each other is one of the things, which keeps chaos from breaking out. When we grow in respect for each other's property, abilities, and self-esteem, we soon see how valuable each member of our crew really is.
How can I show respect to those around me today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Often our trust is not full. We are not certain that God hears us because we consider ourselves worthless and as nothing. This is ridiculous and the very cause of our weakness. I have felt this way myself. --Julian of Norwich
Many men do not think they are worthy of recovery. Some of us even fight against our own progress. We can't seem to reconcile our low self-image with all the benefits recovery brings. This is not surprising when we see how many years we lived in self-abusive addictions. We had lifestyles in which we were treated badly by others, we abused ourselves, and we used and abused others. In our insanity, this sometimes felt masculine. Such a life does not prepare us to feel worthy of the good things in recovery. It is ridiculous to continue such pain simply because it's what we have known.
To turn this pattern around, we have to accept our Higher Power's view of us. Our Higher Power accepts us and sees us as deserving the benefits of recovery. We can get out of the way of our recovery by letting go of our unworthy feelings.
Today, I will be open to the benefits of recovery.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
The most elusive knowledge of all is self-knowledge. --Mirra Komarovsky
Discovering who we are is an adventure, one that will thrill and sometimes trouble us and will frequently occupy our thoughtful reflections. We are growing and changing as a result of our commitment to the program. And it's that process of commitment that heightens our self-awareness.
We learn who we are by listening to others, by sensing their perceptions of us, by taking an honest, careful inventory of our own behavior. The inner conversations that haunt us while we're interacting with others are poignant guidelines to self-knowledge, self-definition. Just when we think we've figured out who we are and how to handle our flaws, a new challenge will enter our realm of experiences, shaking up all the understandings that have given us guidance heretofore.
It is not an easy task to discover who we really are. It's an even harder job to love and accept the woman we discover. But too many years went by while we avoided or denied or, worse yet, denounced the only person we knew how to be. The program offers us the way to learn about and love fully the person within. Nor will we find the way easy every day. But there's time enough to let the process ease our investigation.
I will be soft and deliberate today as I listen to others and myself.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Meditation and Prayer
The Eleventh Step asks us to meditate as a route to improving our conscious contact with God.
Meditation is different than obsessing or worrying. Obsession and worrying are fear connections. Meditation means opening our mind and our spiritual energy to the God connection.
To connect with God, we need to relax as best we can and open our conscious and subconscious mind to a Higher Consciousness - one that is available to each of us.
In the busyness of our day and life, it may seem like a waste of time to slow down, to stop what we're doing, and take this kind of break. It is no more a waste of time than stopping to put gas in our car when the tank is almost empty. It is necessary, it is beneficial, and it saves time. In fact, meditation can create more time and energy than the moments we take to do it.
Meditation and prayer are powerful recovery behaviors that work. We need to be patient. It is not reasonable to expect immediate answers, insight, or inspiration.
But solutions are coming. They are already on the way, if we have done our part - meditate and pray - and then let the rest go.
Whether we pray and meditate first thing in the morning, during a coffee break, or in the evening is our choice.
When our conscious contact with God improves, our subconscious contact will too. We will find ourselves increasingly tuned in to God's harmony and will for us. We will find and maintain that soul connection, the God connection.
Today, I will take a moment for meditation and prayer. I will decide when and how long to do it. I am a child and creation of God - a Higher Power who loves to listen and talk to me. God, help me let go of my fears about whether or not You hear and care. Help me know that You are there and that I am able to tap into the spiritual consciousness.


It feels so good to like all of me today. I feel warm and comforted in knowing that I am just fine... just the way I am. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey to the Heart
Let Yourself Take Side Trips

"You're on a journey," the Native American shaman from Sedona said, "bit it's not what you think. Don't be like the deer, who looks straight ahead and sees only the destination. Let yourself take all the side trips you can. Travel the back roads, take your time. Talk to people and touch the trees. See all you've come here to see."

Sometimes we need to make side trips-- side trips into experiences, emotions, situations that take us off center and somewhere new. Sometimes that's where our greatest learning and growth occur.

If a safe trip is beckoning, perhaps there's a lesson there: an old feeling to be felt, healed, and cleared; a new attitude or belief to be acquired; a revelation, a surprise. Remember this: a side trip, with all it's emotions, isn't about another person. It's about you and your journey to healing, freedom, and joy. Ignoring a situation that can take you off center won't take you to the next place. Going more deeply into your own growth process, going more deeply into your soul is what will further your journey.

Everything that happens to you can be used, felt, shaped and transformed to further your journey. This process of growth, of side trips and healing, is your destiny, the magical journey of your soul.

To get to the next place, we need to leave the comfortable main road we've been traveling. Sometimes a side trip is exactly what we need to make.

*****

more language of letting go
Let enlightenment come

Sometimes, the harder we try to see a lesson, the more lost and confused we become. "What does it mean?" we ask, squinting at the problem.

Relax. Let go of your expectations and you interpretations. Quit trying so hard to see.

Sometimes the lesson may be a simple reminder to see the sacred in your ordinary life or to practice compassion for yourself as well as for others. Sometimes what we're going through is part of a larger lesson, one that may take us years to complete and comprehend. It's easy to fall into the false belief that there's some lesson that we have to push and struggle to learn. There isn't.

We only have to see what we see and know what we know right now.

Experience your life.

More shall be revealed when it's time.

Practice seeing without squinting.

God, help me be present to the situations in my life without trying to read too deeply into them. Help me trust that my lessons will become clear when it's time.

*****

Energy to Spare
Knowing Your Limits

Every human life is defined, to some extent, by limits. No one person is capable of fulfilling every possibility. We are all born with unique aptitudes and sensitivities, and it is these qualities that largely determine the paths we will travel in life. What invigorates, excites, and inspires one individual may exhaust or overwhelm another. When we understand what we as individuals are capable of reasonably handling, we gradually learn to accept that we have control over our wellbeing. Yet determining where our limits lie can be difficult, as it is likely we have been told time and again that the discomfort, fatigue, and stress we felt while engaging in activities outside the range of our comfort zones was all in our heads. If you have never before given thought to the notion of personal limits, creating a list of those tasks and situations that leave you feeling drained can give you insight into your own.

You will know definitively that you are operating within your limits when you have the necessary energy and drive to address your personal and professional commitments. This is not to say you should not push yourself or work to extend the range of your capabilities. The wisdom you gain through dynamic self-examination will give you the tools you need to create an individual life strategy that allows you to achieve your goals without compromising yourself or your needs. The limits you honor by focusing your energy on what you can do rather than what you cannot do will not interfere with your ambitions unless you allow them to interfere. You can thrive within your limits, actively shape your circumstances, and avoid anguish by simply recognizing that certain aspects of life nourish you while others drain you, and doing your best to perceive the fine line between applying yourself diligently and overworking yourself.

You may be surprised to discover that your limits change over time. Your willingness to accept these limits as they reveal themselves to you can smooth your passage through life and give you the means to flourish. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time
Sunday, Oct. 28

Reflection for the Day
"Pride, like a magnet, constantly points to one object, self; unlike the magnet, it has no attractive pole, but at all points repels." - Colton

When the earliest members of The Program discovered just how spiritually prideful they could be, they admonished one another to avoid "instant sainthood." That old-time warning could be taken as an alibi to excuse us from doing our best, but it's really The Program's way of warning against "prideful blindness" and the imaginary perfections we don't possess.

Am I beginning to understand the difference between pride and humility?

Today I Pray
May God, who in His mercy has saved our lives, keep us from setting ourselves up as the saints and prophets of The Program. May we recognize the value of our experiences for others without getting smug about it. May we remember with humility and love the thousands of other "old hands" who are equally well-versed in its principles.

Today I Will Remember
I will avoid "instant sainthood."

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One More Day
October 28

Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.
– Lyndon B. Johnson

We can cherish our yesterdays or even regret them, but we can never live them again. The past is behind us; the future lies ahead. We may sometimes be saddened by the thought that the furture might be shorter than our past, but we find comfort in remembering that the future is real and promising; the past is neither.

To find only positives in the past and negatives in the future robs us of one of our greatest gifts — time — and time is what the past can’t give us. Yesterday’s gifts to us are memories, and an occasional backward glance to what once was is natural. But we grow mentally and spiritually by living in this day and planning for tomorrow.

I accept the gifts of yesterday’s memories, today’s reality, and tomorrow’s dreams.

October 29

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
There is nothing so moving--not even acts of love or hate--as the discovery that one is not alone. --Robert Ardrey
Our fears are normal. Some of us fear going to a new school and making new friends. Taking an important test causes jitters in the bravest looking person. Maybe staying alone in the house for the first time has you looking under beds and in closets every time you hear a strange noise. Our fears are merely reminders that we've forgotten to let God help us out.
So often we think we're alone, but we never are. We each have a Higher Power just waiting to be relied on. Nothing is too difficult or fearful for us to handle with the help of our Higher Power. When we develop the habit of letting God ease our way, our fears are gone.
Today, which fear can I replace with trust in my Higher Power?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It is senseless to speak of optimism or pessimism. The only important thing to remember is that if one works well in a potato field, the potatoes will grow. If one works well among men, they will grow. That's reality. The rest is smoke. --Danilo Dolci
We can get so mired in our pessimism and negativity! What is the point in it? We even get committed to our pessimism, and we challenge the world - or God - to give us reason for hope. In our pessimism, we don't notice we have chosen a negative place to stand. Recovery means loosening our grip on negativism. We are then free to do the work we need to do. We can slowly take the risk of believing that positive things will happen too.
Any man can see the results in his own life. When we work well at this program, when we are faithful to it, we do grow. We see this truth in one another's lives. The work is not always easy. We sometimes wish to avoid it or find a reason to not even try. But there is no doubt, when we look around us, that the effort is rewarded with fulfilling lives.
God, please remove pessimism from me so I may continue my work.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Let your tears come. Let them water your soul. --Eileen Mayhew
Letting down our guard, releasing the tension that keeps us taut, often invites our tears, tears that soften us, melt our resistance, reveal our vulnerability, which reminds us that we are only human. So often we need reminding that we are only human.
Perfectionism may be our bane, as it is for so many of us in this program. We've learned to push, push harder, and even harder yet, not only ourselves but also those around us. We must be better, we think, and we tighten our hold on life. The program can teach us to loosen our grip, if we'll let it. The magic is that when we loosen our grip on this day, this activity, this person, we get carried gently along and find that which we struggled to control happening smoothly and naturally. Life is a series of ironies.
We should not hide from our tears. We can trust their need to be present. Perhaps they need to be present for someone else, as well as ourselves. Tears encourage compassion; maybe our assignment in life, today, is to help someone else experience compassion.
My tears will heal. And the wounded are everywhere.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Acceptance
A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance.
We are asked to accept many things: ourselves, as we are; our feelings, needs, desires, choices, and current status of being. Other people, as they are. The status of our relationships with them. Problems. Blessings. Financial status. Where we live. Our work, our tasks, our level of performance at these tasks.
Resistance will not move us forward, nor will it eliminate the undesirable. But even our resistance may need to be accepted. Even resistance yields to and is changed by acceptance.
Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. It is not forever; it is for the present moment.
Acceptance is the magic that makes our present circumstances good. It brings peace and contentment and opens the door to growth, change, and moving forward.
It shines the light of positive energy on all that we have and are. Within the framework of acceptance, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Acceptance empowers the positive and tells God we have surrendered to the Plan. We have mastered today's lesson, and are ready to move on.
Today, I will accept. I will relinquish my need to be in resistance to my environment and myself. I will surrender. I will cultivate contentment and gratitude. I will move forward in joy by accepting where I am today.


I am becoming open to loving others and letting myself FEEL the love other people have for me. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 29
The Best Is Yet to Come

Set yourself free from limitations, limitations you have placed on yourself. Sometimes in life we may begin thinking the best part is over. I’ve done my best work, had my best times. We don’t have to limit ourselves, life or the universe.

You’ve had many great times, visited many interesting places, done excellent work, and had truly memorable experiences. You’ve experienced a lifetime of love– with friends, family members, loved ones. But the best isn’t over. Whether you’re at the end of a particular relationship, task, or part of your journey, the best is not over. It is still to come.

Memories of excellent times are to be cherished. Clinging to them in a way that limits our lives is a different issue. Often, it keeps us from cherishing the present moment and creatively participating in our future.

All endings are inexorably tied to new beginnings. That’s the nature of the journey. It continues to unfold. It builds on itself. It can’t help itself from doing that. Cherish the moments, all of them. You have seen and felt much in life so far. But still, the best is yet to come.

Open to all the journey holds. The universe is abundant. You are ready to be healed, calmed, empowered. You are ready to partake of the banquet of life, again and again. You are ready to take your place in new, creative experiences. There are many places still to see, soul mates yet to meet, lessons to be learned, joys to be experienced.

Transcend your limitations. Open your mind and heart to all that lies ahead. Call it to you often in the quietness of your heart by believing what is true.

The best is yet to come.

*****

more language of letting go
Ask to see what you're being shown

I was in a small shopping center dropping off film to be developed. When I returned to me car, I realized I had locked my keys inside it. Disbelief shortly turned to acceptance. I walked down to the police station, a few doors down. I had locked my purse in the car,too. I didn't have a quarter on me to use the phone.

The police called the automobile club for me. They told me help was on the way. I went outside and sat on the curb. Then I began staring at a small kitchen furnishings store across the street. I stared and stared. Then I decided to go browse for a while, even though I didn't have my purse.

For months I'd been searching all over Southern California looking for a particular brand of pots and pans. I'd almost given up. Although this was a small store, I decided to inquire if they carried that brand.

"Oh, yes," the clerk said. "We sure do."

Sometimes an inconvenient incident is just that-- inconvenient. Sometimes we just need to slow down, come back to earth, and be aware. Sometimes there's something our Higher Power would like us to see. And once in a while that unexpected problem is really a blessing in disguise.

Take interruptions and inconveniences in stride. Instead of being angry, try to be quietly present in your life. Be aware. See if something's being pointed out to you.

God, help me open my eyes to see what you want me to see.

*****

Life’s Scales
Balance

by Madisyn Taylor

A balanced lifestyle is simply a state of being in which one has time and energy for obligations and pleasures.


Like pieces of a puzzle, the many different aspects of your being come together to form the person that you are. You work and play, rest and expend energy, commune with your body and soul, exalt in joy, and feel sorrow. Balance is the state that you achieve when all of the aspects of your life and self are in harmony. Your life force flows in a state of equilibrium because nothing feels out of sync. While balance is necessary to have a satisfying, energetic, and joyful life, only you can determine what balance means to you.

Achieving balance requires that you assess what is important to you. The many demands of modern life can push us to make choices that can put us off balance and have a detrimental effect on our habits, relationships, health, and career. In creating a balanced lifestyle, you must ascertain how much time and energy you are willing to devote to the different areas of your life. To do so, imagine that your life is a house made up of many rooms. Draw this house, give each part of your life its own room, and size each room according to the amount of importance you assign to that aspect of your life. You can include family, solitude, activities that benefit others, healthy eating, indulgences, exercise and working on self. You may discover that certain elements of your life take up an inordinate amount of time, energy, or effort and leave you with few resources to nurture the other aspects of your life. You may want to spend less time on these activities and more on the ones that! fulfill you.

A balanced lifestyle is simply a state of being in which one has time and energy for obligations and pleasures, as well as time to live well and in a gratifying way. With its many nuances, balance can be a difficult concept to integrate into your life. Living a balanced existence, however, can help you attain a greater sense of happiness, health, and fulfillment. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
October 29

Reflection For The Day

Virtually all of us suffered the defect of pride when we sought help through The Program, the Twelve Steps, and the fellowship of those who truly understood what we felt and where we had been. We learned about our shortcomings — and of pride in particular — and began to replace self-satisfaction with gratitude for the miracle of our recovery, gratitude for the privilege of working with others, and gratitude for God’s gift — which enabled us to turn catastrophe into good fortune. Have I begun to realize that “pride is to character like the attic to the house — the highest part, and generally the most empty…”?

Today I Pray

God, please tell me if I am hanging my shins on my own pride. Luckily for me, The Program has its own built-in check for flaws like this — the clear-eyed vision of the group, which sees in me what I sometimes cannot see myself. May I know that any kind of success has always gone straight to my head, and be watching for it as I begin to reconstruct my confidence.

Today I Will Remember

“Success” can be a setback.

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One More Day
October 29

You may talk on all subjects save one, namely, your maladies.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Casual conversations have an unspoken rule: never, never tell about our pain, our misery, our difficulties. Ironically, the stars of social gatherings are often the ones who have just suffered an accident or injury. We show interest and concern for new and obvious problems; we often ignore ongoing ones. A leg cast has glamor; a wheelchair has none.

We can understand this. Human nature finds adventure in broken bones or neck braces. It also finds reassurance because these injuries are temporary and the victim will be as good as new in a matter of weeks. Many people can’t identify with the permanence of chronic illness, but we can educate them about our social concerns without provoking pity.

My life becomes more balanced when I enjoy social activities as social — not medical — events.

October 30

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
You have three choices: keep on fighting, ignore each other, or make up and be friends. --John Knoblauch
Once there were four sixth-graders--two boys and two girls--who started to fight even though they'd been friends for years. One morning at the bus stop, the boys started playing keep-away with the girls' shoes and wouldn't give them back. One of the mothers called the school.
Later that day, the counselor called them in and asked them what the fight was all about. They said they didn't really know.
"Well," said the counselor, "it doesn't really matter why you started fighting. Right now, you've got three choices: keep on fighting, ignore each other, or make up."
The group chose to ignore each other, after discussing it among themselves. They were happy to be able to stop fighting. About the time of winter vacation, they decided to be friends again.
What conflicts can I resolve by letting them be?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
That which is lacking in the present world is a profound knowledge of the nature of things. --Frithjof Schuon
Most of us have very narrow, limited ways of understanding what happens to us. We are generally practical men, and if something goes wrong we immediately begin to think of how to fix it. We take a cause-and-effect approach to understand the events around us rather than a circular or symbolic approach. Perhaps we turn quickly to blaming instead of asking what is the meaning or the message in what is happening. We see our own experience as the center of events. We forget that our lives are only today's expression in a line of generations before us.
We become too self-satisfied with our ways of understanding the world. It may be comforting to think we understand what is going on. When we let go of that comfort and open ourselves to a more profound awareness, we enter the spiritual realm. Here we learn that facts are not enough to achieve truth. We begin to understand that love - in the form of connections with all of creation - is where we find the most profound meaning.
I am a part of the whole universe, and my relationship with my Higher Power will open me to profound knowledge.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Intuition is a spiritual faculty and does not explain, but simply points the way. --Florence Scovel Shinn
Should we make this move? Should we change jobs? Should we talk to others about our feelings? We are seldom short on prayers when we're filled with fear and indecision. We are, however, short on answers. Our worries block them out.
No prayer ever goes unanswered. Of this we can be certain. On the other hand, the answer may not be what we'd hoped for. In fact, we may not recognize it as the answer because we are expecting something quite different. It takes willingness on our part to be free of our preconceptions--free to accept whatever answers are offered.
Our answers come unexpectedly, a chance meeting on the street, a passage in a book or newspaper, a nagging feeling within. God speaks to each of us throughout the day. Our prayers are answered, our problems find solutions, and our worries are eased, if we but attune ourselves to the messages. They are all around.
I will be attentive to all the signs from God today. Whatever answer I seek is finding its way to me.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Self Value
We have a real life of our own. Yes, we do.
That empty feeling, that senses that everyone except us has a life - an important life, a valuable life, a better life - is a remnant from the past. It is also a self-defeating belief that is inaccurate.
We are real. So is our life. Jump into it, and we'll see.
Today, I will live my life and treasure it as mine.

Today my happiness radiates from within me. Gary Seidler --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart
Honor the Seasons of Your Soul

There are seasons and cycles in our lives, just as there are seasons and cycles to nature, to all of life. We move imperceptibly from one to the other--learning, growing, laughing, and crying along the way.

We accept with joy the seasons of nature. We honor them. We wouldn't think of pulling at the tiny blades of grass in early spring to force their growth. Neither would we chastise them for growing too slowly or wilting with the first frost of autumn.

We can learn to recognize and honor the seasons and cycles in ourselves. The answers will come-- small glimpses ar first, like the first tender shoots of grass. We get an idea, a clue, a hint, of what we're about to learn. Then come a series of experiences. Sometimes we immediately see the connection. Sometimes we don't. We go about the business of living our lives.

Then one day, we see. That tiny shoot has become a full-grown blade of grass, a rolling lawn covering the landscape. We see the connections, the lessons-- and we'll honor all the feelings that we had along the way. We're different. We're changed. We're new. A new season has arrived.

And just when we think that the way it is now is the way it will be forever, another season begins. As naturally, as imperceptibly as the last. It, too. will build on what has already happened and create something new.

There are seasons and cycles in us, just as there are in nature. Learn to recognize and honor the seasons and cycles of the soul.

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more language of letting go
God's aware of you

Dear God,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
Children's Letters to God

Sometimes we cannot see more than a few feet in front of us along the path. The path is still there. All we have to do is keep walking it until we're out of the darkness and into the Light. Just take one small step at a time.

Surrender to the circumstances in your life. Feel your feelings. Be aware of your pain and your suffering, if that's what you're going through. But remember that even when you can't see God, God can see you.

And God cares.

God, help me feel your active presence in my life today.

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A Living Dwelling
Creating a Beautiful Home

by Madisyn Taylor

Our conscious, loving intentions can literally transform the spaces in which we live, dispelling any lingering unharmonious energy.


The homes we occupy are seldom ideal. A space that satisfies our basic needs may nonetheless leave us wanting where location, décor, or style are concerned. Yet every home has the potential to be beautiful. When we fill our homes with love, we transcend worldly factors such as market value and design. Our conscious, loving intentions can literally transform the spaces in which we live, dispelling any lingering unharmonious energy and replacing it with an ethereal beauty that is felt rather than seen. Our homes become spiritual dwellings that feel soulful and alive. Regardless of their outward appearances, they radiate love, making all who enter, including ourselves, feel instantly welcome.

Turning a space into the beautiful outward expression of your inner warmth is as easy as projecting love into it. When your intentions are sincere, you can infuse the walls of your home with your energy, your emotional sensitivity, and your generosity of spirit, turning it into a haven of affection, joy, laughter, and togetherness. It is up to you, whether you want your personal spaces to be peaceful and quiet or lively and inspiring. Begin by cultivating awareness within yourself. This will allow you to see your home as an integral part of your existence rather than somewhere you simply return to at the end of each day. Consider how you relate to each element of your space, and remind yourself that every room in your home can serve a purpose in your life and the lives of your loved ones. Finally, lovingly thank each room for providing for your needs. As you become more mindful of the manner in which your home contributes to your well-being, you will discover that, more and ! more, you want to love and be loved by it.

Appearance and other superficial qualities can be deceiving. An aesthetically beautiful home can prove unwelcoming. And a home that seems mundane in every characteristic can be as comforting and cozy as a beloved relative or friend. When you nurture and care for your home as if it were a loved one, it will absorb your tender intentions and project a love so touching you will soon come to feel a great affection for it.

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A Day at a Time
Oct. 30

Reflection for the Day
When I'm motivated by pride - by bondage of self - I become partly or even wholly blind to my liabilities and shortcomings. At that point, the last thing I need is comfort. Instead, I need an understanding friend in The Program - one who knows "where I'm at" - a friend who'll unhesitatingly chop a hole through the wall my ego has built so that the light of reason can once again shine through.

Do I take time to review my progress, to spot-check myself on a daily basis, and to promptly try to remedy my wrongs?

Today I Pray
God, I pray that the group - or just one friend - will be honest enough to see my slippery manifestations of pride and brave enough to tell me about them. My self-esteem was starved for so long, that with my first successes in The Program, it may swell to the gross proportions of self-satisfaction. May a view from outside myself give me a true picture of how I am handling the triumph of my sobriety - with humility or with pride.

Today I Will Remember
Self-esteem or self-satisfaction?

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One More Day
October 30

We can have a hand in our own daily miracle of health.
– Lewis F. Presnall

Some things we cannot change or control, and one of those most certainly is the limiting nature of illnesses. But we’re not alone. We have surely learned by now that all people have to deal with handicaps or limitations — physical, psychological, or emotional. Like all other people, we are challenged to live a fulfilling life within the limitations placed upon us.

What matters most is that even through we may have a long-term health problem, we can learn to dwell on wellness, not on illness. Limitations certainly afect how we live our lives, but they need not alter the quality of who we are. It’s up to us to choose whether we will be all we are intended to be.

There are large areas which I can still control in my life, and that gives me hope.

October 31

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The only sense that is common in the long run is the sense of change--and we all instinctively avoid it. --E. B. White
Nature reveals to us a world that is always changing. No two sunsets are alike. Winter brings invigorating days while spring brings new buds and blossoms every day. Summer brings lazy warmth and star-filled evenings while fall brings crisp afternoons and a sense of nostalgia.
Even though nature shows us a constantly changing world, we often resist the changes in our own lives. Changes can be both hard and sad, yet they are a part of life. Perhaps we are moving on to a new school or a new neighborhood, or perhaps we are feeling the changes that come with a divorce in the family.
With every change we say a sad goodbye to something old, something familiar--in the same way we feel sadness for summer's end when the first leaves begin to fall. Yet every change also offers us the excitement and potential of a new season--with its own opportunity for new smells, special gifts, and invigorating days.
How have I changed today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. --Richard J. Foster
As we have reached for instant cures, one-minute answers, and quick highs, we have developed lifestyles that foreclosed deeper possibilities. For instance, when we fail to stay and resolve conflicts in a relationship, we miss the joys of a renewed understanding. Our spiritual development comes in steps, small but meaningful increments that build over a period of time. Many of us have not been patient men and our newfound spiritual life is teaching us that the quickest, most efficient answer isn't always best.
Today, our greatest temptation may be to grab for the fast solutions rather than allowing time for small but important steps to occur. When we are frustrated, it will help to remember the difficulty may lie in our insistence on a quick answer. Sometimes simply being true to ourselves and standing as a witness while the answer develops are all that is asked of us.
I will have faith that time is on my side and it will teach me valuable things.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
It's a simple formula; do your best and somebody might like it. --Dorothy Baker
We're never guaranteed success by others' standards. However, if we do our best according to the standards we think God has in mind, we'll be successful. And from God we'll always receive unconditional love and acceptance.
In the past many of us were haunted by fears that our best wasn't good enough. And not infrequently those fears hindered our performance, thus validating our fears. We can slip back into those immobilizing fears if we don't attend, with vigilance, to the program and its suggestions.
Our higher power will help us do whatever task lies before us. And no task will be ours except those for which we've been readied. Our job is simply to go forth, taking God as our partner, and set about completing the task. We will not falter if we remember where our strength rests, where the guidance lies.
Self-esteem is one of the byproducts of a job done with God's help. An additional byproduct is that we learn more quickly to rely on God's direction and strength the next time, thus reducing the time we give to fear.
I can be successful today, in every endeavor, if I let God manage my moves.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
All Our Needs
And my God shall supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory... --Phil. 4:19
This verse has helped me many times. It has helped me when I have wondered where my next friend bit of wisdom, insight, or meal was coming from.
Everything I need today shall be supplied to me.
People, jobs, what we have to our immediate disposal, are not our source.
We have tapped into a Greater Source, a source of infinite and immediate supply: God and His Universe.
Our task is to allow ourselves to come into harmony with our Source. Our task is to believe in, and look to, our true Source. Our task is to release fear; negative thinking, limitations, and short supply thinking.
Everything we need shall be provided to us. Let it become a natural response to all situations, and all situations of need.
Reject fear. Reject short supply and limited thinking notions. Be open to abundance.
Cherish need because it is part of our relationship to God and His Universe. God has planned to meet our every need, has created the need within us, so God can supply.
No need is too small or too great. If we care and value our need, God will too.
Our part is taking responsibility for owning the need. Our part is giving the need to the Universe. Our part is letting go, in faith. Our part is giving God permission to meet our needs by believing we deserve to have our needs - and wants - met.
Our part is healthy giving, not out of caretaking, guilt, obligation, and codependency, but out of a healthy relationship with ourselves, God, and all of God's creations.
Our part is simply to be who we are, and love being that.
Today, I will practice the belief that all my needs today shall be met. I will step into harmony with God and His Universe, knowing that I count.


Today I reach out and touch. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 31
Something Important Is Happening Now

There’s never a time when nothing is happening.

Something is always taking place. Growth is occurring. We’re evolving, transforming, working things out, incorporating our last lesson, preparing for our next. Something is happening. We just don’t always see it. And that’s how it’s meant to be.

When we see, when we know too much too soon, it’s easy to let our heads get in the way. We think we have to control, have to force, have to make it happen, have to do something.

In a gentle but wise way, the universe takes into account our fears and our natures. It doesn’t let us know too much too soon. It doesn’t spoil the surprise. It doesn’t want us to spoil it either.

Open your heart to the universe. Trust that something is always happening. And often, it’s much different and better than you think.

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more language of letting go
Practice awareness of God

I can remember the moment when I was willing to be truly vulnerable with life again. I was walking around in a beach town,talking to my friend. I was talking about my safe little life back in Stillwater, Minnesota, where I though I had everything under control. I had avoided living in big cities and thought small town living would be safe. In that small town, working for its daily newspaper, I had found all the potential held in life. I got that big break that put me, an unknown author, on the New York Times best-seller list. And my son had died. Small town life wasn't as limiting as I feared or as safe as I had hoped.

I told my friend about the time, many years later, I was wandering around the Middle East. I was talking to my daughter on a cell phone. She was on her cell,too, driving through the heart of Los Angeles.

"Aren't you scared over there?" she asked. "Isn't your life in danger?"

Just then a man honked at her. I heard him scream through her window, "If you don't get that car out of the way, I'm going to have you killed."

"Complete safety is an illusion," I said to my friend. "Maybe the only time we're really safe is when we're willing to acknowledge how vulnerable we really are, no matter what we're doing, and be okay with that."

"Ask God to be with me," I said to an older woman who was my mentor at the time.

"Foolish child," she said. "You don't have to ask God to be with you. He's already there, wherever you are."

God, help me feel safe, comfortable, and in your presence wherever I am today.

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Five Things
A Self-Esteem Exercise

by Madisyn Taylor

Having low self-esteem is a common issue and with some introspection you can start to loosen the grip of this negative thought pattern.


Our primary relationship in life is with our selves. No one else goes through every experience in life with us. We are our one permanent companion, yet we are often our worst critic. To remind ourselves of our magnificence, we can do this exercise: “Five Things I Like About Myself.”

Begin by writing down at least five things that you like about yourself. This is not the time to be modest. If you are having trouble coming up with a total of five items, you know that this exercise can really benefit you. Be sure to include more than your physical attributes on your list, since our bodies are only part of who we are. If you are still struggling with what to include on your list, think of what you like about your favorite people, because these traits are probably qualities that you possess too. Another way to complete your list is to think of five things you don’t like about yourself and find something about these traits that you can like.

Continue this process for a week, thinking of five new things you like about yourself everyday. At the end of the week, read the list aloud to yourself while standing in front of a mirror. Instead of looking for flaws to fix, allow the mirror to reflect your magnificence. You may feel silly about standing in front of a mirror and reading aloud a list of your admirable attributes, but it might just bring a smile to your face and change the way you see yourself. Remember, it is when you feel the most resistant that this exercise can benefit you the most. Because we are constantly looking at the world, instead of looking at ourselves, we don’t often see what’s magnificent about ourselves that others do. When we take the time to experience ourselves the way we would experience someone we love and admire, we become our best companion and supporter on life’s journey.

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A Day At A Time
October 31
Reflection For The Day

If I’m to continue growing in The Program, I must literally “get wise to myself.” I must remember that for most of my life I’ve been terribly self-deceived. The sin of pride has been at the root of most of my self-deception, usually masquerading under the guise of some virtue. I must work continually to uncover pride in all its subtle forms, lest it stop me in my tracks and push me backward once again to the brink of disaster. When it comes to pride, do I believe, in Emerson’s words, that “it is impossible for a man to be cheated by anyone but himself…?”

Today I Pray

May I know that button-popping pride is inappropriate for me as a recovering addict. It hides my faults for me. It turns people off and gets in the way of my helping others. It halts my progress because it makes me think I’ve done enough self-searching and I’m “cured.” I pray to my Higher Power that I may be realistic enough to accept my success in The Program without giving in to pride.

Today I Will Remember

Pride halts progress.

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One More Day
October 31

The human body is the best picture of the human soul.
– Ludwig Wittgenstein

As people walk down the street, we can usually spot those with a sense of pride in themselves. How people look is often an indicator of their self-esteem. The changes in our lives challenge us to continue feeling good about ourselves despite stress or diminished health. Any change can be frightening. Unfortunately, sometimes we let problems overtake us, and we begin to look and act like people who feel unwell.

We can take stock of our lives at this time and remember how much we can still do well. We are capable individuals; we can make our own decisions about how we want to conduct our lives. This renewed awareness strengthens our self esteem, and the image we convey to others is one of pride.

There are some things I just cannot change. Today, I will dwell on what I can do for myself.