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MajestyJo · 12-15-2013, 07:38 AM

uppose that financial insecurity constantly arouses these same feelings. I can ask myself to what extent have my own mistakes fed my gnawing anxieties. And if the actions of others are part of the cause, what can I do about that?

AA 12 Steps & 12 Traditions

The first paragraph belong in part to the paragraph before it. Most of my using was done because of my insecurities and looking for someone else to validate and give me self-worth. I couldn't respect myself so how could I expect it in return. I firmly believe we are products of our environment. When I feel less than, then I hang around people who I thought were less than me and gave my ego strokes.

I tried to change things that I did not have the power to change. I tried to control things that were not mine to control and did not realize that I was powerless. I stayed in bad situations not knowing that that was something I could change. Fear of being on my own, fear of not being able to cope on my own, feelings of being incompetent and stupid, and yet would ask myself, "If you did all that, how can you be as stupid as they say you are?" To prove my worth I would only take on more things only to do things with less competance because I was spreading myself too thin. Trying to change the things around me instead of changing me to fit into life was an unknown concept. Detachment and boundaries were not there and a complete foreign concept to me.

Anxiety and paranoia were such a big part of my life. I was continually asking myself "What if...?" "Should I...?" "Could I...?" It was all about me and they took over my life. They won't like me. What if they don't accept me? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I do this and it isn't right? I was full of self-doubt.

That is generally when the attitude would set in and I would get the f&*# its! The bravado and the I don't care attitude would go up in defense of my fear and insecurity and often I would hit out and retaliate or bring someone down to make myself feel better. Not a pretty picture. Who died and made me God? I couldn't control my own life, so what made me think I could control others.

To be continued...

12-15-2013, 07:38 AM	#25
MajestyJo Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Hamilton, ON Posts: 25,085	uppose that financial insecurity constantly arouses these same feelings. I can ask myself to what extent have my own mistakes fed my gnawing anxieties. And if the actions of others are part of the cause, what can I do about that? AA 12 Steps & 12 Traditions The first paragraph belong in part to the paragraph before it. Most of my using was done because of my insecurities and looking for someone else to validate and give me self-worth. I couldn't respect myself so how could I expect it in return. I firmly believe we are products of our environment. When I feel less than, then I hang around people who I thought were less than me and gave my ego strokes. I tried to change things that I did not have the power to change. I tried to control things that were not mine to control and did not realize that I was powerless. I stayed in bad situations not knowing that that was something I could change. Fear of being on my own, fear of not being able to cope on my own, feelings of being incompetent and stupid, and yet would ask myself, "If you did all that, how can you be as stupid as they say you are?" To prove my worth I would only take on more things only to do things with less competance because I was spreading myself too thin. Trying to change the things around me instead of changing me to fit into life was an unknown concept. Detachment and boundaries were not there and a complete foreign concept to me. Anxiety and paranoia were such a big part of my life. I was continually asking myself "What if...?" "Should I...?" "Could I...?" It was all about me and they took over my life. They won't like me. What if they don't accept me? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I do this and it isn't right? I was full of self-doubt. That is generally when the attitude would set in and I would get the f&*# its! The bravado and the I don't care attitude would go up in defense of my fear and insecurity and often I would hit out and retaliate or bring someone down to make myself feel better. Not a pretty picture. Who died and made me God? I couldn't control my own life, so what made me think I could control others. To be continued... __________________ Love always, Jo I share because I care.