[bluidkiti]

February 5

Quote of the Week

"You’re not who you think you are."

I was in a meeting the other day when a woman shared that early in recovery she told her sponsor she was going to commit suicide. “If you did that you wouldn’t be committing suicide, you’d be committing homicide,” her sponsor said. “What do you mean?” the woman asked. “You have no idea who you are yet, so you’d be killing someone else. That’s why it would be homicide.” Boy, did I relate.

I remember early in recovery struggling to discover my real self as well. At first, I identified with my past actions, and the self-loathing and shame I felt convinced me I was a bad person. As I worked through that and began feeling better about myself, my ego was unleashed, and I suddenly thought I was better than everyone else. My new mantras became, “Don’t you know who I am?” and “Where’s mine?”

It took me a long time to realize I wasn’t as good or as bad as I thought I was. With over a decade in recovery now, and with a multitude of personality shifts, I’ve come to realize that identifying with who I think I am is a waste of time. I now know that at my core I am simply a channel of God, and the more I focus on being of service the more I come to know my real self and true purpose. I am not who I think I am today—good or bad. Instead, I am just a child of God.