[MajestyJo]

Love this. It took a long time to recognize the full extent of my self-abuse. If anyone else had talked to me the way I talked to myself, there would have been war or I would have just internalized it and carried around a load of hurt and resentment.

I could give to others, because it took me out of myself. I didn`t have to look at me. I couldn`t give to myself because I didn`t like or love myself, and didn`t know that the care I gave others was also meant for me too. How can you love someone who you call stupid, dumb, idiot, and a lot of other nasty names.

When I came into recovery, I heard old-timers referring to sponsees as pigeons. I found it an abusive word. Pigeons are takers, dirty, intrusive, and a lot more, just the way I acted when I was in active addiction, but in recovery I had abused myself long enough and didn`t take kindly to being called something that I found to be demoralizing.