Welcome Erics, so glad you signed in and made the decision to share. Hope you will continue to come to the site, there is a lot of recovery material here. Food for the body, mind, and spirit that might help take away those white knuckles.
I was told to look for someone who had what I didn't have and what I wanted to aim toward. Perhaps you will find a quiet person who you can relate to and together you can journey through the Steps, one day at a time.
White knuckles often slip, you need a support group that will help you from falling. So sorry I missed your post yesterday, it just goes to show that you need to click on headings to see ALL the posts, not just the last one post.
Hope you keep coming back. There is step work on the site, no matter what fellowship you belong to. Personally, I qualify for most of them.
