[bluidkiti]

July 8

Step by Step

"Long since I had come to believe I was insane because I did so many things I didn't want to do. I didn't want to neglect my children. I loved them, I think, as much as any parent. But I did neglect them. I didn't want to get into fights, but I did get into fights. I didn't want to get arrested, but I did get arrested. I didn't want to jeopardize the lives of innocent people by driving an automobile while intoxicated, but I did. I quite naturally came to the conclusion that I must be insane." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, Ch 2 ("He Had to be Shown"), p 199.

Today, reach into yesterday to remember and keep always that I did all I thought I could not to drink but that my intentions were little more than the best laid plans of mice and men. In remembering yesterday so I don't repeat today what I did then, may I also recognize and admit that I am powerless over alcohol. And with that admission, I have taken the First Step toward recovery. With that step comes power and control to say I do not have to submit to what I cannot control - alcohol - and that my intention not to do what I don't want to do is in my control. Today, I seize control of what overpowers me by declaring no more. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

DREAMING

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.

~ William Dement ~

The mind is wildly active during sleep. We have found in recovery that it takes a long time for our minds to heal. We often wake up in the morning and wonder where we have spent the night.

We must remember that before we came into the Program we did not let ourselves rest. There is a lot of processing our minds must do to catch up on all the time we numbed it closed. We may dream of returning to our active addiction. We may relive scenes so real we will swear they happened.

Not to worry. This too shall pass. We remember to keep our telephone numbers near. A late night call to a sponsor is a great way to slay the dragons of our "drunk dreams." The key to recovery is in Letting Go and Letting God.

As I ask God to take my dreams of the past and replace them with the gifts of today, my reliving of past history will go away.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Victory is in the quality of competition, not the final score.

~ Mike Marshall ~

Competition is neither good nor bad. It is like any other force that can be used in good ways or bad. For us, winning means being the kind of man we most admire. When we are in a competitive game, whether it is in athletics, business, or a friendly discussion, we strive first to compete in ways that we respect. We don’t give up our moral or human values in order to come out with the top score at the end. We don’t indulge in hate or anger at the other guy simply because he is our competition at the moment. We play fair, we respect others, and we enjoy a good and worthy competitor.

Keeping our eye on the ball means we stay focused on what we are truly trying to win. That is a kind of wisdom that we weren’t born with; we develop it through conscious effort and attention. Today we certainly face some competitive situations, whether it is engaging with a particular co-worker or someone with an opposing viewpoint in a group we are part of. At the end of the day, if we have our values intact, we will have won our best prize.

Today I will be a strong and honorable competitor.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

No one can become a winner without losing many, many times.

~ Marie Lindquist ~

The emphasis our society places on winning— whether it’s a golf tournament, a relationship, or a promotion at work—heightens our shame of losing. And unfortunately, we define ourselves as losers all too easily.

It isn’t possible to excel in every pursuit. Because we compare ourselves with others—this woman who plays tennis like a pro or that woman who just received a promotion—we give ourselves a failing grade. But do we ever look at another woman as a whole? She is just like us, really. Her successes are sprinkled among her many tries that miss their mark.

It takes perseverance to succeed at anything. Perhaps it’s time to redefine success for ourselves and consider just making an attempt to do something well as success. It is, after all.

As long as I try my best at relationships, work, or play today, I will feel good about my efforts.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I am coming to accept my recovery process

Sometimes I experience strong emotional symptoms, like suddenly becoming angry or afraid. Sometimes I have the urge to use chemicals to feel better (or at least to feel different). Even when I stay clean and sober, I can still feel uneasy at times.

These experiences upset me. Afterward I may feel worn out. But I'm learning that this is what it's like to have a dual disorder, even in the process of dual recovery. Still I am grateful to know something about my illnesses, and grateful to be learning about the many ways I can deal with them-through counseling, support groups or Twelve Step meetings, sponsors or friends, and acceptance.

I will write down this sentence in my journal: "I accept the way I am and my process of recovery." I could even say it out loud to someone who understands me.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

We can move the entire mountain one piece at a time.

~ Chinese Proverb ~

Few important matters are handled well in one massive sweep. After active addiction, we believed we could somehow get several months or years worth of recovery in just a few days. We quickly learned that recovery is a lifelong process, not an event. Yet, what we gain in recovery is well worth the wait. Our journey restores quality at a pace which allows us to appreciate it. Our difficulties become less overwhelming, and we learn to maintain balance by taking small steps. Belonging to a fellowship that helps and celebrates these changes in us enriches each level of our growth. As we strengthen our bodies, clear our minds, and find a conscious contact with our Higher Power, we feel we can start a new life.

Our course will always be determined by the small steps we take each day. Then, one day, we will look back and marvel at all that’s happened and is happening in our growth. And we’ll celebrate the patience we’ve gained in the process.

Today let me see and enjoy the small steps I’m taking.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to “jump at de sun.” We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground.

~ Zora Neale Hurston ~

Starting from when you were a child, you may have been pushed into goal-setting. You may have been asked to think about what you wanted to be when you grew up. As you grew older, the questions may have become more persistent: “Are you going to college? What are you going to major in? What do you want to be doing with your life?” Even in your first job interviews, you may have been asked, “Where do you see yourself five years from now?” But the program is not based on goal-setting. While it is important to have a single commitment—not a goal—of achieving abstinence each day, if you create definite goals for your recovery you may set yourself up for failure. You will not be open to testing your strength, to trying new things, to meeting new people, and to giving yourself the freedom to recover at your own pace.

The pace to recovery has been likened to peeling an onion—a layer at a time, not all at once, and not with a pre-set idea of which layer will be removed at a particular time.

I will set goals in my life, but I will let my recovery unfold.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.

~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche ~

Many times our late night thinking is like a late night movie. It can be scary, it's usually of poor quality, and it makes little sense. Trying to understand ourselves or to make decisions during such times only leads to crazy thoughts.

When we can't apply the Steps and the principles of the program because our minds are running like a late night movie, we have only one alternative to insanity. That's to go to bed. Shut off the movie reel and go to sleep. When our bodies are tired, our muscles can't perform and we're left with little energy. This kind of thinking is our mind's only way of telling us that it needs rest. We need to respect this.

The program works for us when we're alert, focused, and able to process healthy thinking. Tired minds breed tired thoughts—thoughts we've been over many times. The cure for a tired mind is an alert one, and the medicine is a good night’s sleep!

Tonight I can shut off the late night movie reels of my mind and go to sleep. Sleep is my Higher Power's gift to help my mind get the rest it needs.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Letting go of anger

As long as anger dominates us, it is difficult to make progress in the program. Some of the ways anger shows up include gossip, slander, backstabbing, profanity, fault-finding, resentment, quarrelsomeness, impatience, mockery, and irritability. We are all guilty of these behaviors to some degree, probably every day.

Anger is a pattern that we need to change to make progress. It has probably caused more grief than any other character defect. To let go of anger, we inventory it; we pray to release it and to practice not getting angry.

Am I working on my anger?

Higher Power, help me to practice the virtues of patience and love. When I am loving, I cannot be angry.

I will inventory my anger today, and then I will

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

Change in all things is sweet.

~ ARISTOTLE ~

Newcomer

I don’t know why I’m still going through such emotional ups and downs at this point. I’m not in withdrawal, my body chemistry is no longer in chaos, and I know how to take better care of myself. I’m open to many new things, and I’m growing and changing faster than I ever expected. Why should I feel bad?

Sponsor

Each time I reach a new awareness, I have to go through a grieving process for the old me. Suddenly it feels as if I’m someone else, somewhere else. I’m not the person I was yesterday. Even if that person was less conscious and closer to active addiction, still, that person was the me I knew. Sometimes I miss that old familiar self. We’d spent a lot of time together.

Recovery awakens us to new possibilities. We have to change, experiment, take risks—even though we may think we detest change! Being alive and having joy sustains us. We may not have all the answers, but we want to ask the questions. Taking time for daily meditation helps us to find the peace and calm at our center. As recovery continues, the sense that everything is moving too quickly will slow down.

Today, though things may not be different, I am different.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

The spoke that is on top of the wheel will be, in half a revolution, on the bottom and in the mud. Another half turn and it will be on the top again.

The same applies to us alcoholics. We, too, have our cycles, but in the AA Program we have acquired a faith in ourselves, a reliance on our fellowship and a belief in a Power Greater than Ourselves that enable us to take our bad along with the good in full knowledge that if we "stay right" everything will turn out right eventually.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Prayer for Natural Disasters

O God of Goodness,
In the mystery of natural disasters, we look to You,
Trusting that there is an explanation that will
Satisfy our minds and hearts.
Accept our compassion for our fellow men,
Our desire for their relief,
And hope and wisdom to accept
The forces of nature.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

A THRILLING EXPERIMENT

Why not make the following experiment, which will not only be thrillingly interesting, but will certainly teach you more in one day than you could learn from books or lectures in many weeks.

Here is what you have to do. For one whole day think, speak, and act exactly as you would if you were absolutely convinced of the truth of the statements that God has all power and infinite intelligence, and that His nature is infinite goodness and love.

To think in this manner all day will be the most difficult thing, because thought is so subtle. To speak in accordance with these truths will be easier, if you are vigilant. To act in accordance with them will be the easiest part, although it may require much in the way of moral courage.

And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform (Romans 4:21).

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Beyond Appearances

The light of the spirit is invisible, concealed in all beings. It is seen by the seers of the subtle, when their vision is keen and clear.

~ The Upanishads ~

A man in search of enlightenment found his way to a remote village in India, where a saint was known to live and teach. After a long and grueling quest, he was told by a local merchant that he could find the guru on the steps of a certain house near a particular intersection. The man rushed to the site, where he found a tipsy man drinking. Disappointed, he returned to the shop and complained that he had found only a drunkard. The shopkeeper laughed and told him, "That was the saint!"

Astonished, the man argued, "But no saint would be sitting there drinking!"

"This one does," answered the merchant. "You see, he is a very advanced soul who has mastered nearly all the lessons of life. The only experience he needs to complete is passion for those with addictions. Once he has mastered that, he will have finished his incarnations on earth. If you would have talked to him, you would have discovered that behind his worldly guise, he is a great and illumined master."

We must not let our judgments and expectations stand in the way of receiving blessings when they are offered. We may have preconceived notions about what a holy person would look like or how one would act. But wise and holy people come in many different packages, sometimes very unlike the ones we expect. The truth is knowable not by its form, but by its essence.

I pray to keep my mind open to find You in all places.
Let me be bigger than my judgments and expectations.

My mind and heart are open to receive the gifts of Spirit.