[MajestyJo]

The following is something I posted on another site when I quit at 7 years sober.

Seem to remember being there, doing that! I couldn't quit until I found a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical reason for quitting. I had to pray for the willingness to be willing and that didn't come very quickly because I fought it. I liked smoking. I enjoyed smoking. I too resented when I couldn't have a cup of coffee without a cigarette. I had to give up the coffee, the two went together. A good reason to have a resentment and not quit. I use to tell my family, "If you are going to pray for me to quit smoking, do it more quietly, the more I hear you the more I want to keep smoking."

Fear of putting on weight kept me smoking for a long time. People would say, "We will love you even if you put on 20-30 lbs." I would say, "Yes, but I wouldn't love myself." I ended up using the program and substituted it instead of food and lost 3 lbs. My friend said, "Don't tell anyone that, they will resent you for life!" I sent to NA for Nicotine Anonymous. I picked up my key tags. It was important to acknowled e to cravings and desires just like it was when I gave up my other addictions. I want a F&*KING cigarette, but just for today I choose not to have one.

It was really hard. It was harder than pills and alcohol. I still want to smoke in today. Not sure if that is because I never asked for the craving to be taken away.

Cigarettes stuffed my feelings and emotions. It helped me to control them and as the saying goes, if you have to control them, they are already out of control. I had to quit for my emotional sobriety. I wanted to be a clean and clear channel to carry the message of recovery. I needed to quit if I wanted to live. When I did quit, I found that I was allergic to smoke of any kind and I think they were a big part of my migraine problem for years. After I quit smoking, I never had a migraine that put me to bed let alone in the hospital. They changed my blood pressure medication and the same time, so it is hard to tell. Except for the fact that when I am around smoke (after meetings is the worst), I end up with a headache, nausea and have problems breathing. Yet there is still that feeling, I would just LOVE a cigarette yet I know it would kill me faster than any alcohol or pill. The insanity of the disease!

I too resented having to quit. As my sponsor said, "There was no reason to continue smoking but there were a lot of excuses. I hung onto them for dear life. I didn't even try until I was seven years sober. I tried and picked up again. December 21, 1998 was the day of my last cigarette. Over ten years ago, and they can still do a number on my head.

I tried the pill to quit. It triggered my other addictions, especially the stinking thnking. I took a pill, why am I still craving. This is suppose to go away, why hasn't the feeling gone away yet. I was looking for the quick fix. The whole mental attitude came back. I gave my Zyban to someone else who wanted to quit. It did it's job and made the cigarettes taste terrible and I didn't like the taste. The Nicorettes did too! I had a friend who used accupressure. It worked for him but not for me.

I had the Serenity Prayer for quitting smoking. It actually helped. Haven't come across it in my editing but will post a copy if I find it. It may even be here in an old archieve file.

My prayers are with you.