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October 14

Step by Step

“My alcoholic problem began long before I drank. My personality, from the time I can remember anything, was the perfect set-up for an alcoholic career. I was always at odds with the entire world, not to say the universe. I was out of step with life, with my family, with people in general. I tried to compensate with impossible dreams and ambitions, which were simply early forms of escape. Even when I was old enough to know better, I dreamed about being as beautiful as Venus, as pure as the Madonna and as brilliant as the president of the United States is supposed to be. I had writing ambitions, and nothing would do but that I’d write like Shakespeare. …Inside, I went right on being a mass of unlovely self-pity, queasy anxiety and sickening self-debasement. Naturally, I succeeded at nothing.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, “They Stopped in Time,” Ch 13 (“Stars Don’t Fall”), p 400.

Today, understanding that my alcoholism was rooted long before my first drink. My “job” of being perfect in everything, whether I expected it of myself or it was expected by others, left no room for other than “self-pity, queasy anxiety and sickening self-debasement” when I failed to reach perfection. And alcohol became my self-medication. Having come to AA, God grant that I understand now that I can attain something higher in sobriety and that perfection can never be attained and, when it isn’t, I do not have to internalize a sense of failure. To do so will likely ignite that engine of “self-pity, queasy anxiety and sickening self-debasement” – and its fuel is alcohol. Today, I ask only for progress: perfection can wait another day. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

LETTING GO

I can't handle it, God. You take over.

~ Anonymous ~

The life we lived in the dark world of our disease was a terrifying one. It was as if we were perched on a tiny ledge thousands of feet up the side of a mountain. The drop was straight down. We never dared to look up or down because we so desperately feared falling. All we could do was feed our disease and tremble in fear. We were stuck. There was no room on our ledge for anyone else. We were all alone. Every day, little bits and pieces of our perch would fall off. All we could do was wait.

Finally, out of desperation, we looked up and saw thousands of people urging us to climb. They reached down and created a human chain for us to climb. All we had to do was let go of our perch and take the hands extended to us. We stood, looked up, let go, and took the hands. We were safe.

I'm not stuck any more. I've let go of my fear and accept help when I need it.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

If allowed, time and nature will heal you. Remember that you do not have to heal yourself. Nature is ready to do it if you step out of her way and do not present her with those unnecessary obstacles, despair and disappointment.

~ Dr. Claire Weekes ~

The Second Step tells us that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. This is the hope Step. It tells us that we don’t have to do it; in fact, we cannot do it ourselves. We only have to allow ourselves to receive the help that is flowing toward us right now.

Despair was a common feeling while we were caught up in our codependency and addiction. We knew no other path than to rely on ourselves, and we were defeated. The recovery path gave us a new way to go. Now we need to avoid returning to the old ways or to hopelessness. This new path calls upon us to step out of the way, welcome the healing power, and accept the hope that our recovery will proceed.

Today I will make the choice to be hopeful and accept the healing power of nature.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

Love is a powerful thing, but does it always kick in to save the day when you feel things are hopeless?

~ Chris DeMetsenaere ~

When we first get into recovery, it is hard to understand love—how it feels, how to give it, and how to accept it. Most of us have used the pretense of loving someone as our excuse for trying to control that person. It can be painful to realize that genuine love means letting our friend or lover or child go, letting that person make decisions or mistakes independent of us. But each day we are given is time we can use to nurture this realization into acceptance.

As our understanding grows, so does our aware-ness that nothing is ever hopeless. We begin to see that love not only comforts and frees us but also can soften the harsh edges of any brittle reality. Love is a choice we can make in any situation. But best of all, the more we focus on giving love away, the smoother our experiences will be.

I will offer my love freely today without falling into the seductive trap of control. I will remember the paradox: to have genuine love for another person means to let go of that person.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I am learning about a higher power

I was OK with having a leader in my group at the clinic, but I didn't know about this "higher power" they talked about in my new Twelve Step group. I like to think I can take care of myself. I don't much trust people to do things for me. Besides, I haven't believed in God in a long time.

That was my initial reaction. But, as often happens, I'd quickly overreacted. After a while, I learned that a higher power (or by other names, HP, "higher helper," or "source of help") doesn't have to mean "God." HP can mean almost anything—the group itself, an individual member, or simply my program. All I have to do is to believe that the power I've chosen is stronger than I am and that it can help me get better.

Today I'll take five minutes to think about who or what is helping me in my dual recovery.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

Write the wrongs that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.

~ Arabic proverb ~

How often do we have a wonderful vacation, receive praise at school or work or home, or meet a very special person, only to forget those things when something goes wrong? When we are happy about something, like the food at a new restaurant, we will often tell a few people about it; but when we are not happy, we tell everyone around us. This is a way we hang on to the bad and let go of the good things that happen.

It can be the other way around. Memories are like savings accounts. When we dwell only on negative attitudes, we build a negative balance that can sour our outlook on life. If we spill a glass of lemonade at a picnic, we can blow up over it or simply clean up the spill and go on enjoying the picnic.

We don’t have to ignore the negatives and problems in our lives. We need to pay attention to them so we can learn and make appropriate changes. But when we nurture and treasure the positive memories, we build a strong foundation of gratitude and serenity for ourselves.

Today help me to be aware of the good things that happen in my life. Help me to be aware of my happiness, however small it may seem, and share it with those around me.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

I can only wait for the final amnesia, the one that can erase an entire life.

~ Luis Buhuel ~

It is rare that a person in recovery has wonderful child-hood memories. More often than not, your memories oi the past are so painful that you feel it is best to not think about them at all. But until you fully come to terms with these memories, they can influence your behaviors in the present and prevent you from engaging more fully with your life.

One way to release the past from its influence in the present is to create a memory journal. In this journal, record each of your memories from the past. Take one memory at a time, striving to remember everything you can, even if it is difficult. Then write what this memory taught you. This is the lesson you have brought with you into the present. Ask, “Is this memory serving me well now?” If it is not, then write down ways in which you can reframe this lesson in a way that will have a positive influence. Rather than think, “I learned people will hut I me,” you can reframe this to “People in the past hurt me, but that does not mean everyone will.”

I will reframe my memories so I can take positive action.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

There are three things that only God knows: the beginning of things, the cause of things, and the end of things.

~ Welsh proverb ~

We learn when we enter the program that we didn't cause our disease, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. Those are the only answers we're given. It's up to us, in our hearts, to place trust and faith that a Power greater than ourselves will take care of the rest of the answers.

Many times we may feel overwhelmed by the disease. We may want to scream at the unfairness of the changes we have to make and at the patience and detachment required of us. We find it's not enough to confront the root of our problems; now we need to look at more than just the problem. But we don't have to do all the work in one night. Tonight we can find relaxation amidst the effects of the disease. There's hope tonight, if well only open our hearts to believe that.

Tonight I can trust I don't need to feel overwhelmed by my disease. My Higher Power won't ever give me any more than I can handle.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Being cured

It’s easy for friends and associates to see us as people who are super-sober, super-clean. They think we have the problem licked, that we’re cured. This is shown by their uneasiness when we say, “I am an alcoholic; I am an addict.” They would prefer us to say, “I was.” We would like to believe them, but in our hearts we know that it’s not possible for us to drink or use any longer. By saying we are addicted, we remind ourselves of who we are and where we came from.

Am I grateful for being clean and sober, even though I can never be cured?

Higher Power, grant me the acceptance to understand that I am not cured. Relieve my temptation to believe those well-meaning people who are convinced that I am no longer an addict.

Today I will enjoy being clean and sober by

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

The birds' song gets on my nerves.
I feel like trampling every worm.

~ PAUL KLEE ~

Newcomer

I try to refrain from violence, even the violence of making certain kinds of comments to other people. But it's tough. My Higher Power seems to be putting a succession of people in my path who go out of their way to be rude or crude, to charge me extra, or to humiliate me in some way or other. How can I love everybody?

Sponsor

It's fascinating to me to watch how the outer world always seems to mirror my own mood. For me, it's the best way to explain the fact that there are times when everyone I meet in the course of my day seems pleasant, kind, and generous, and other times when i find enemies everywhere.

Al-Anon's "Three C's" remind us that there are circumstances and behaviors that we didn't cause can't control, and can't cure. We're powerless over an active alcoholic's rage, for example. We can't make traffic go at the speed we think best or force others to conduct themselves as we'd like.

But other things being equal, our state of mind has some power to affect people around us. Our facial expression, body language, tone, and words make our feelings apparent. Our moods are contagious. If we meet the world with anger, resentment, fear, or negativity, the world will usually respond in kind. A smile, a buoyant heart, and an optimistic outlook will usually evoke positive responses. And whatever is out there, we have a choice about where to direct our attention, whether to focus on what's sunny or dark in our environment.

Today, I'm mindful of how my words and attitudes affect others.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

The bootleggers in Prohibition days devised the very worst tasting concoction ever devised by man, added alcohol to it and sold it to us and we drank it.

Remember the routine? First we would shudder from stem to stern; then hold our breath and throw it down; then we would cough and choke nearly to death and after wiping our chins we'd say "****, that's good."

If you could sell yourself that kind of a story, selling yourself on the idea that you don't have to drink should be a cinch.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

A Triumphant Heart

Give us, O Lord, a tireless heart,
So no false accusation may drag us down.
Give us a triumphant heart,
So no hardship can wear us out;
Give us an honest heart,
So no unworthy thought may tempt us.
Grant upon us also, Our Creator,
Understanding to know You,
Persistence to seek You,
Wisdom to find You,
And faithfulness that we may embrace You.

~ Adapted from writings by St. Thomas Aquinas ~

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

DON'T HURRY TFIE CHICKEN

A city child was spending his vacation on a farm. They showed him a hen sitting on a nest of eggs, and told him that some day a little chicken would come out of each egg. The child was delighted at this dramatic idea, and every morning he went around expecting to see the miracle.

Days passed, and nothing happened. The eggs still looked exactly the same. Not the slightest change occurred in the appearance of things, and gradually his faith waned. At last one day he told himself bitterly that he had been deceived.

Next day, however, from habit he went around to the nest as usual, but without any hope; and behold, what was his joy to see a flock of little chickens running about.

Of course wonderful changes had been taking place all the time, behind the shells, but there was nothing to show for it until the very last moment. Some of our greatest demonstrations come to us like this. In this story it was the spectator who lost faith, and so it did not matter. If the mother hen had lost her faith—well, there would have been no chickens, Give your demonstrations time to hatch.

And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not (Galatians 6:9).

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Connect with Source

Anyone who is too busy to pray is too busy.

~ Anonymous ~

Imagine a deep-sea diver in a diving suit with a long lifeline connected to his boat at the surface of the ocean. As the diver walks the ocean floor exploring the marvels of the deep, his life-support tube delivers a steady flow of vital oxygen to him. If his air tube becomes clogged or cut off, the diver will be unable to function; he will probably panic, flail, try to return to the surface, or expire.

We are like divers in earth suits, exploring the wonders of life on this planet. The earth is not our home; we are visitors here. Our true nature is not physical, but spiritual. We, too, have a life-support tube, and that is prayer, meditation, or any other form of communion with our Source. If our supply of spirit is cut off, we will not live well or long. Our connection to God is as important to our soul as the diver's supply of air to his body.

Each day, take time to feed your soul. Make your first priority any activity that nourishes your inner being. Pray or meditate, practice tai chi or yoga, walk in nature, play music, dance, read uplifting words, or share meaningful talks with friends. Any activity that renews your spirit is a form of prayer.

Commit to your spiritual practice first. Devote the beginning of your day to self-renewal. Your day will go better, and the time that you invest will pay for itself a thousand fold. Again, before you close your eyes to go to sleep, be with God. Feed your soul; it is your most important meal of the day.

You are my first priority. Knowing You makes all the difference in my life and my world. Knowing You is knowing myself. Be with me today, that I may be with You always.

Nourished by the spirit of love, my heart is whole.