Welcome Ryan, thank you for sharing. Don't know of a way to get clean without going through withdrawal. Do you have a detox near you, it is best to get help rather than go through it yourself. They have professionals there that can help you. I went through 5 days of hell, because I didn't know about detoxes.
You have to become willing to quit. I found that substitution doesn't work, it always takes you back to your drug of choice.
There are treatment centers, but I would recommend just going to NA meetings. They say 90 meetings in 90 days. Get to know the people, get a home group and a sponsor for support, they have been where you are at.
As they say, a drug is a drug. The problem is me. I found that I couldn't be there for my son without me getting clean first. My son is in active addiction, he has been in 5 treatment centers, yet he still chooses to use. I can't do anything for him but to pray.
I am powerless over the drug, and it was only through a God of my understanding, that I was able to quit and do what I needed to do, one day at a time. It is a disease. I often refer to it as a dis-ease, looking for something outside of myself to make me feel and cope better with my life. I thought I was in control, but it was the drugs. Control is an illusion. When you want to stop, you can't and it took more than I could do to stop and stay stopped. For me it was the fellowship of AA because I was in denial. I went to NA too, because I always knew I was an addict. Some is good, more is better.
There is a lot of help here on the board, in all section. The daily readings, the NA sections, Alcohol is a drug too. When you see the word alcohol, just substitute the name of your drug of choice.
I wish you well on your journey and will pray for you and yours.
