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January 2

Step by Step

“I looked around me at people who seemed happy and tried to analyze their happiness, and it seemed to me that without exception these people had something or somebody they loved very much. I didn’t have the courage to love; I was not even sure I had the capacity. Fear of rejection and its ensuing pain were not to be risked, and I turned away from myself once more for the answer, this time to the drinks I had always refused before, and in alcohol I found a false courage.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, “They Lost Nearly All,” Ch 12 (“Freedom From Bondage”), pp 546-47.

Today, …”in alcohol I found a false courage.” Whether I am far into recovery or just beginning, the time has come to be done with all that is not true. If I am hinging my sobriety on my spouse or partner not leaving me, keeping my job or convincing a judge I deserve a break from my latest DUI, my motivation to get sober is linked to something that may never happen and, if it doesn’t, my sobriety likely will not last. Whatever the untruths in my life and even in sobriety, the Fourth Step is my road map to honesty – the truth of my own life, my drinking, my recovery. May I not rely on some bottled courage as I set out to find my own truth. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

JEALOUSY

Beware of jealousy. It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock meat it feeds on.

~ Shakespeare ~

As we aim toward a lasting and comfortable recovery, we may find that jealousy and envy get in our way. Sometimes they are combined with other enemies of good living like pride, self-will, dishonesty, hatred, selfishness and resentment.

Jealousy is a danger in recovery. The kind of thinking that causes jealousy makes us believe that the world owes us much more than we are able to earn by our own best efforts.

When we envy others for what they own, for I heir standing in the community, or for the people who care about them, we are on our way to self-pity. This state of mind produces not only jealousy, depression, and an attitude that “life’s not fair,” but also anger against the world. Soon, that jealousy turn against those people most dear to us.

I am reminded that the “Big Book” calls jealousy “that most terrible of human emotions.”

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Nothing is predestined: the obstacles of your past can become gateways that lead to new beginnings.

~ Ralph Blum ~

At this doorway to a new year, we look ahead to new beginnings. In some ways, this is like any other day in the cycle of our lives. Some things we know for sure, and other things are yet to be revealed. We can know that again on this day we will stay sober and true to our path of healing and recovery. Still, we look to the year ahead with a sense of adventure. This year will be a continuing flow of experiences, and on this path we deal with each experience with the calm certainty that we are not alone. We know that we cannot control what happens to us, but we can stay true to ourselves.

“Keep coming back” is a well-known motto for our life in recovery. We are not perfect, and we don’t expect perfection of ourselves. What we expect is to keep returning to our path. Like any driver or any pilot who continuously reorients his craft as he travels along his route, we look forward to this year, knowing that we will keep returning to the true course we have chosen. It will be an adventure and we will take whatever happens and use it for our growth.

Living one day at a time, my pledge is to keep coming back to this path of renewal.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

Watching a child acquire language, I realize, again, that naming things demystifies them.

~ Mary Casey ~

Sharing with another woman our fears of starting a new job, ending a relationship, getting into therapy, or even joining a social club will help us keep the fear in perspective. Fears that go undiscussed have a way of growing and overtaking our lives. In time we find that because of our shame about being afraid, we have isolated ourselves from the very people who can help us.

All of us are afraid some of the time. Our fears, however, can be managed if we use the tools found in this fellowship. Sponsors, friends, and meetings are the channels for our release from fear. Naming the fear loosens its hold on us. And equally important, we discover that others understand our fear, for they have experienced something very similar. We are not unique. That knowledge makes it easier to reveal another fear, another time.

Perhaps the best gift I can give another woman is talking with her about something I fear. Naming the fear will help me. Sharing it will help her because of the bond we will feel.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I see how writing can help

Typically I don’t like to write—I’m slow and self-conscious. I tend to worry too much about spelling and grammar and punctuation. I don’t think I write well.

But I am learning now to write for myself as part of dual recovery. When I have an upsetting thought—or a helpful one—I write it down. This helps keep my mind clear and gives my fear and pain a place to go. By jotting notes, I make a record of what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling. It helps me get to know myself better and helps me see my progress.

I will keep pen and paper handy, at home, in the car, and at work.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

Every exit is an entry somewhere.

~ Tom Stoppard ~

When life asks us to give up something we value, we are always given a replacement. Our new treasure may be disguised and hard to comprehend at first, but it will come shining through if we have faith.

Life offers us choices: Do we choose to believe that the world is basically friendly — or unfriendly? Do we choose to believe that joy may grow from the depths of pain? Do we believe that life has meaning, that there are lessons to be learned from our darkest days, that growth is possible?

Choosing to develop a positive attitude about the changes and losses of life is like opening a window in April after a long winter. Moving through and out of our grief, we begin to feel a sense of hope and direction. We begin to believe that one day, we will come to live without pain as a constant companion.

Sometimes an ounce of guts and courage is all we can cling to in the midst of personal storms. Our willingness to keep going is the quiet act of faith that takes us to a place where we feel safe to open up and trust again.

Today let me trust that God’s will is for me to ha happy.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.

~ George Carlin ~

A new year holds promise and provides a “second chance.” A new year also can be a time when you see all that you have yet to accomplish and question your ability to face those challenges. You may think it was hard enough to admit you needed to stop your addictive behaviors and even harder to stay focused on recovery. To know that a new year heralds the continued need to stay on the same path can seem daunting.

Make this year different. Resolve to look within you, at what you can and need to do for yourself, and to look outside you, at what you can do for others. While self- awareness is key to your recovery, remember that recovery is both a hand reaching out and a hand being grasped.

Recovery does not happen in isolation. One of the strengths of the program is interdependence and fellow-ship. Attending to your needs as well as to the needs of others can provide you with renewed energy to recover from your past, commitment to stay focused on the present, and the ability to foresee a future that holds hope and promise.

I will awaken each day to a new beginning—not just for myself, but also for others.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

But where was I to start? The world is so vast, I shall start with the country I knew best, my own. But my country is so very large. I had better start with my town. But my town, too, is large. I had best start with my street. No, my home. No, my family. Never mind, I shall start with myself.

~ Elie Wiesel ~

How many times have we tried to change things outside of ourselves, like a parent, a loved one, a drinking or drug-using pattern, or a boss? Perhaps we felt if we changed someone or something, we would be better off. But we soon discovered we were powerless to change people, places, or things.

All we can change is ourselves. Yet we can’t do that by five-minute overhauls. Nor can we go to bed at night and expect to wake up the next day as the person we always wanted to be.

We need to keep it simple as we change ourselves. We need to start slowly. If we imagine ourselves as a big puzzle with many pieces, we may understand we can only see our whole selves by joining together one piece at a time.

Did I try to change others today? How can I keep it simple as I try to change myself—just a little bit at a time?

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Letting go of results

Some of us are familiar with the saying “Plan plans, not results.” For those of us with addictive or compulsive personalities this is a very important message. Our heads can spin so much with the results we plan for tomorrow that we forget what we need to do for a good life today.

If we “plan” to have a partner, $5,000 in the bank, and a new home by this time next year, chances are we will blow it. We know from experience that if we take that first fix, pill, or drink we will have nothing at this time next year.

Do I know how to plan well?

I pray to do the necessary footwork today and leave the results with my Higher Power.

The results I will leave to God today are

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

We know the truth, not only by the reason, but by the heart.

~ BLAISE PASCAL ~

Newcomer

I’m not sure I qualify to be in this program. I wasn’t that bad—I hear stories that are so much worse than mine.

Sponsor

There’s a joke about a group of friends standing at their drinking buddy’s graveside with his widow, all of them shaking their heads and saying, “I don’t understand it—he wasn’t that bad.”

Who qualifies for a Twelve Step program? The answer doesn’t he simply in the quantities of a substance consumed or in the frequency of an unwanted behavior. More telling is whether or not we have a choice. It’s useful to make a list of times we remember using in spite of intentions not to and a list of times when using took us places we never meant to go, made us do things we never meant to do. Perhaps we’ll recall many such situations, perhaps only a few. The number is less important than our willingness to look back at our memories, and the feelings accompanying them, without censoring ourselves. Something inside us brought us here; it’s up to each of us to take an honest look at what that was.

Today, I look honestly at times when I have been powerless over this addiction. I acknowledge the ways it has made my life unmanageable.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

Probably in the history of the world no tyrant can be found who welded chains so strong upon his victims as did that “01′ Debil Rum.”

Even our most secret desires were controlled by his influence, and our families, our health and our very lives themselves were disregarded when opposed to the demands for a drink.

Fortunately for us in AA we still had a freedom of choice of master and when we decided to “turn our will and our lives over to the care of God”, we accepted a new Master, one even more demanding than the first, but with this one vast difference — our chains were now bonds of love.

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~ WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG BOOK ~ (Official & Unofficial Sloganeering From the 12 Step Programs) ~

1) If you want to get maximum attention make a big mistake.

2) Self-will can get you what you want right now, God’s will can provide what you need for eternity.

3) If the newcomer could see no joy in our existence they would not want it.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

The Lord’s Prayer

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory, forever and ever.
Amen.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

THE POWER WITHIN

But where is this wonderful Power to be contacted? The answer is simple—this Power is to be found within your own consciousness, the last place that most people would look for it. Within your own mentality there lies a source of energy stronger than electricity, more potent than high explosive; unlimited and inexhaustible. You only need to make conscious contact with it to set it working in your affairs. This Indwelling Power, the Inner Light, is spoken of in the Bible as a child. The conscious discovery by you that you have this Power within you, and your determination to make use of it, is the birth of the child.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6)

This is a marvelous description of what happens when the spiritual idea, the Child,
is born to the soul. Walking in darkness, moral or physical, dwelling in the land of the shadow of death–the death of joy, or hope, or even self-respect—describes well the condition of many people before this light shines into their weary, heartbroken lives; and the Prophet rises into a paean of exultant joy as he contemplates the deliverance.

The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light; they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined (Isaiah 9:2)

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Act Now

There are two fatal errors that keep great projects from coming to life:

1. Not finishing
2. Not starting

~ Buddha ~

While living at a farming community, our group planned to erect a new house. For many months, we discussed the plans, and because we did not fully agree, nothing was done. Then one day, one man went out to the building site with a plumb line and began to hammer stakes into the ground. It wasn’t long before the house was built.

You can think and talk about a project for a long time, but only action will manifest it. If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll never get anything done. Don’t wait until all the conditions are perfect for you to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect.

Work through my hands to bring about the things that will serve You.

I step forward with the trust that Spirit is moving through me to create good.