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October 5

Step by Step

“My story has a happy ending, but not of the conventional kind. I had a lot more hell to go through. But what a difference there is between going through hell without a power greater than one’s self, and with it! …(M)y teetering tower of worldly success collapsed. My alcoholic associates fired me, took control and ran the enterprise into bankruptcy. My alcoholic wife took up someone else, divorced me and took with her all my remaining property. The most terrible blow of my life befell me after I’d found sobriety through AA. …One night my son, when he was only 16, was suddenly and tragically killed. The Higher Power was on deck to see me through, sober. I think He’s on hand to see my son through, too. I think He’s on hand to see all of us through whatever may come to us.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, “They Stopped in Time,” Ch 16 (“Me an Alcoholic?”), p 437.

Today, foresight to know and be prepared for the day when my AA program is called upon to get me sober through the bad. I must accept that bad things are going to happen in my life and that AA is not a promise the bad will not happen. But AA is a promise that I can get through the bad sober if I not only adhere to the 12 Steps but also trust a higher power stronger than me. I absolutely must be willing to be open to the idea of a higher power, even if that power is the program itself. On good days, it’s easy to talk the talk; on bad ones, it’s another to walk the walk. Disappointments and tragedy can be expected to hit me, just as they do the non-alcoholic. Let me begin today to invest in a program strong enough that I can draw upon when the good days aren’t so good. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

OWN WORST ENEMY

We have met the enemy and he is us.

~ Pogo ~

We can quit being our own worst enemy by developing the willingness to be good to ourselves. When we feel uptight, we all tend to treat ourselves unkindly. We can begin to like ourselves if we keep thinking about how far we've come in our recovery. We have figuratively gone all the way to hell and made a U-turn.

We can't forgive others their mistakes and not forgive ourselves as well. If we consider ourselves our own worst enemy, we aren't listening to our friends in the Program or our Higher Power. They tell us to be kind, to ourselves and others.

Acceptance is knowing we are good and whole despite our limitations and defects. As long as we strive to improve, we are free to take joy in who we are now.

When I feel like my own worst enemy, I'm in danger of hating myself. Perfection isn't possible, but progress is.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Despite all the obvious distinctions between men and women, our hearts share the same fears and yearnings. Learning how to hold each other’s hearts tenderly is the art of love making.

~ David Treadway ~

Intimacy is showing our inner self to another person. When we live in an intimate partnership, our task is to learn to be worthy of the trust and vulnerability our partner opens to us. At the same time, we need to learn to show our fears and yearnings to our beloved. When we make disrespectful, sarcastic, or hurtful comments, we show ourselves as unworthy of the intimate vulnerability our partner granted to us. When we are open and intimate with our partner, we deserve to be treated with tenderness and respect.

This kind of intimacy is not easy to achieve or maintain. It is a very grown-up kind of relationship that we learn to achieve as adults.

Today I will be vulnerable with my partner and honor my partner’s trust in me.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

We are all diamonds in the rough.

~ Roseann Lloyd ~

We tend to exaggerate our own imperfections and glorify other women’s strengths. In reality, we are all imperfect yet quite good enough. Since getting clean and sober and joining this sisterhood of recovery, we have been given the tools for smoothing the rough edges of our character. Becoming a real gem is within our reach.

How do we begin? It’s important to keep our efforts simple. Because we have so much we want to change, many of us try to change everything about ourselves overnight. The result is overwhelming frustration. We became who we are now over many years of reckless living. We must be realistic. Committing to one tiny change a day is enough to focus on. And it’s more than enough to eventually bring about the overall changes we seek.

When we accept that who we are right now is okay with God, we’ll also accept the pace of our progress in becoming who we want to be.

Watching my facets begin to sparkle can make each day a thrill to live. I’ll appreciate the opportunities to polish my rough edges today.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I need relief from my guilt

I feel bad about some things I've done in my life. Sometimes I feel I should be punished. This guilt is a weight I've lived with for many years. I used to try to forget it by drinking.

In dual recovery, I've quit drinking, but I'm left with some unresolved guilt. It keeps me blue at times, keeps me angry at myself and others. It even increases my risk of relapse. But I'm learning a way to help. First I do a Fourth Step to learn exactly what I feel guilty about. Then I promptly do a Fifth Step to help release it. The good news from my fellow group members is that by doing these Steps I can look forward to some relief.

Today I'll make notes on the two things I feel most guilty about and on how I can release this guilt.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.

~ Garrison Keillor ~

Some of us live with terrible guilt. We believe we are the source of all problems, that everything wrong is our fault. This is a bit extreme. We all feel guilt at times, some of it productive, but no one is that guilty.

Guilt shows we care. We feel bad when we do or say something that goes against our value system. But to feel guilty about every problem, every mistake, every accident, is a sign we expect too much of ourselves. We become paralyzed and unable to change and make amends.

And in recovery we are learning we are not responsible for everyone — our first responsibility is to ourselves. We are learning to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy guilt. Excessive guilt need not be our legacy. God created us as humans, not gods. It is our nature to be imperfect. When we begin to accept ourselves and our mistakes as normal, our freedom is within our grasp, and we put a halt to the cycle of guilt.

Today help me know when guilt is warranted. Help me believe that I am not always guilty.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

When I first open my eyes upon the morning meadows and look out upon the beautiful world, I thank God I am alive.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

Even on those mornings in which you feel you cannot face another day, you can. Even when you feel you can-not get out of bed, you can. Even when you feel you cannot face another challenge in your life, you can. Even when you feel depressed, overwhelmed, unfocused, or crazed, you can overcome those feelings.

How do you do this? By shifting your focus away from yourself and placing it on the natural wonders around you. When was the last time you got up early to watch the sun rise or listen to the songs of some of the morning’s early birds? When was the last time you watched a squirrel leaping from branch to branch or scurrying across a telephone wire?

Appreciate what is outside you, and it can be easier to look at what is inside of you with greater understanding, patience, and compassion. Connect with the world at large, and you might be able to see that your problems are really not so big after all. Notice all of the things your Higher Power created, and you will be able to feel gratitude that you are alive.

Today I choose to live with my eyes wide open to the world around me.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

Know what you want to do, hold the thought firmly, and do every day what should be done, and every sunset will see you that much nearer the goal.

~ Elbert Hubbard ~

Every good story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning is like our morning, full of newness and promise and hope. This morning was our introduction to a new day, to new people, and to new experiences.

The middle of the story is how our day progressed. It's the actions and events, the dialogue and the locales, and the conflicts of the day. The middle may have been dull and boring, or it could have raced along.

The ending of the story is our evening. Tonight we may have found resolutions to the conflicts of the day or logical endings to some of the promises and hopes of the morning. The story's conclusion is decided by how we want to end our day. Why not end today's story with hope, gratitude, and peace—a happy ending!

How will I end today's story? I can write a happy ending with gratitude for the peace my Higher Power has given me.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Becoming detached

In our need to become a whole person, we sometimes find it necessary to project an environment we believe will be more satisfactory than our present one: a different town, a new position, or a profitable goal. But if we don’t remember that we have no power over our own life, these dreams can become pitfalls.

If we forget our powerlessness and start desperately seeking a goal or a place, we open ourselves to discouragement and disillusionment. But if we truly detach—by turning our will and our lives over to our Higher Power’s care—we will achieve real happiness through our Higher Power.

Do I give the future to my Higher Power?

Higher Power, I pray that when I look farther ahead than today, you will help me to be where it is best for me to be.

The goals and aspirations I will hand over to my High Power today are

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.

~ VAI PROVERB ~

Newcomer

You'd think that after everything I've been through, I'd never want to repeat any of the mistakes I've made before, but I do keep repeating them. I don't pick up, but I don't always behave the way I want to.

Sponsor

At times, I revert to old ways of handling things. It's almost as if my personality sets little traps for me, and I fall into them. I find myself being selfish or dishonest in spite of myself, Or I fall into gossip or criticism, self-importance or self-hatred. The good news is that when I act in these ways in recovery I'm uncomfortable; I know that something isn't quite right. I remember the painful lessons of the past.

As children, we depended on others for our survival, and we made whatever accommodations we had to in order to be taken care of, Some of the habits we developed came with us into adulthood, even though they no longer had a useful function in our lives. Similarly, in active addiction, we depended on certain behaviors to care for ourselves as best we could. These behaviors aren't necessary for survival or self-nurturing any longer; and, in fact, they threaten our recovery. Step Ten is a tool for staying away from addictive drugs and behavio4 no matter what happens to us in recovery-including success.

Today, I thrive on actions that further my self-esteem. If I've made a mistake, I say so without punishing myself.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

The opportunities around us for doing good are so numerous that to do all the good things we would like to do is almost impossible. Nor is it necessary to read the papers for opportunities to help. They are near at hand and far more numerous than we suspect. Our eyes see what they are trained to see and a little practice will enable them to see many opportunities that you once failed to observe.

If your prayers include a request to never let a day go by without some opportunity of serving, you'll have your prayer answered and you will rejoice in the fact that you have so much to do, and your lone regret will be that you cannot do more.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Surround Me With Your Light

Surround me with Your light;
Penetrate the very depths of my being with that
light,
Let there remain no areas of darkness within me,
Clear away the shadows of my ego,
the clouds of my defects;
Transform my whole being with the healing light
of Your love;
Open me completely to receive your love,
and help me to let go of all that blocks Your
healing.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

THE GOODNESS OF GOD

Read Psalm 18.

In verse 29 the Psalmist, thinking of some of the times in the past when he has been given power to overcome difficulties and to advance on the path, says, For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God I leaped over a wall. Everyone has found himself at some time confronted with a difficulty that seemed like a high and insurmountable wall, but faith in God enables one to clear the obstacle notwithstanding.

Next the Psalmist reminds us that the way of God is perfect. God will put you upon your high place. In other words, he will raise your consciousness so that you will automatically demonstrate. Then the author praises God and thanks Him for His goodness. Thanksgiving, as you know, is one of the most powerful forms of prayer.

Finally he says that God gives great deliverance to his king; and that He sheweth mercy to His anointed, to David and to his seed forevermore. God intends us all to be kings through the exercise of spiritual power, and our power to go on increasing—like the seed of David—through all eternity.

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Embrace Yourself

I dreamed I had a child, and even in the dream I saw that it was my life, and it was an idiot, and I ran away. But it always crept into my lap again, clutched at my clothes. Until I thought, if I could kiss it, whatever in it was my own, perhaps I could sleep. And I bent over the broken face, and it was horrible...but I kissed it. I think that one must finally take one's life into one's arms.

~ from After the Fall, by Arthur Miller ~

At a conference, I met a psychotherapist named Leonard who told me, "I try to get my patients to accept and appreciate all of their feelings. I teach them that there is no such thing as a bad feeling. Anger, fear, and sadness all bring us valuable opportunities to awaken and grow. We must embrace all that we are and experience." Later, I overheard another man telling someone about Leonard's work: "I heard a therapist this morning who says we should tolerate ourselves." But Leonard hadn't said anything about tolerating ourselves. He suggested that we celebrate ourselves. In that distinction lies the entire key to our healing. To tolerate is to put up with something that is obnoxious or abhorrent, and hope that it goes away soon. To celebrate is to find the beauty, honor it, expand it, and live in the glory of a precious treasure.

True healing begins with self-acceptance. We must embrace ourselves, rejoice in what we are, and magnify it to the highest degree.

Help me see myself through Your eyes. Bestow upon me the vision of my own perfection, that I may honor it.

I am a miracle of love. I am perfect as God created me.