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October 8

Step by Step

“In AA, we can begin again no matter how late it may be. I have begun again. At 54, I have had come true for me the old wish, ‘If only I could live my life over, knowing what I know.’ That’s what I am doing, living again, knowing what I know. I hope I have been able to impart …at least a bit of what I know; the joy of living, the irresistible power of divine love and its healing strength, and the fact that we, as sentient beings, have the knowledge to choose between good and evil, and, choosing good, are made happy.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, “They Lost Nearly All,” Ch 11 (“He Who Loses His Life”), p 543.

Today, it’s not too late until it’s too late – and it’s too late only when I’ve died. Until then, I have the lifeline and the choice of sobriety, and all I need do is grab and hold onto the lifeline, the lifeline being AA. Even if I cannot yet envision the program’s promises of sobriety if I adhere to the Twelve Steps, I know already and all too well the life I have if I don’t begin anew. In the end, the decision is a matter of choice – to continue in the life of active drinking that I already know with agonizing pain, or to choose something better. Today, I choose something better: it’s not too late because I’m here! And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

LIMITATIONS

The four “A"s: Acceptance, Awareness, Action, Attitude.

~ Anonymous ~

It is as important for us to live within our limitations as it is to live up to our capabilities. Step One tells us that we do not have a limit but that we are limited. We admit this when we begin our growth in our Twelve Steps. The action Step, the final one, reminds us that we can only try to practice the principles of our Program in all our affairs.

And, of course, we must accept the truth that we seek spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection. In admitting limitations we are reminding ourselves that we are only human. When we keep ourselves from trying to play God, we admit our imperfections. We seek our Higher Power's help in lessening our limitations when we take inventories and remember the four "A"s: Acceptance, Awareness, Action, and Attitude.

My Program is based on my learning to live with my limitations. I will also remember that I need to live up to my capabilities.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note, tom in two and burned up, so that it can never be shown against the man.

~ Henry Ward Beecher ~

When we have been hurt or offended, we naturally have strong feelings about it. Sometimes we want to leap to forgiveness as a cover for our wounds because we fear the damage to the relationship. In that case forgiveness comes too soon, before we even let ourselves know what we feel. More often, our ego has been bruised and, primitively, it wants revenge. But it is we who carry those angry feelings and nurse our negative inner world. And it is we who must find a way to live in a more positive state of mind.

Some of our angers and resentments may be decades old. No repayment can ever settle the account. Maybe we didn’t get what we needed from our parents, or a former spouse treated us badly, or a co-worker or boss was unnecessarily harsh. We can lighten our burden by simply tearing up the unpaid debt. In a spiritual sense, we can leave the other guy’s conscience to him and his maker. By declaring old debts forgiven, we are free to live in the present as happier, better men.

Today I will strive to let go of old resentments so I can live more fully in the present.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

Healing begins with a state of mind.

~ Carol Sheffield ~

The mind gives birth to all our emotions and attitudes. Our anger, our sadness, our joy, our self-esteem are cultivated in the mind. What we tell ourselves, we become. Unfortunately, self-sabotage is often our habit. But whatever is done can be undone. That’s the good news. And the same tool we used to beat ourselves up can be used to undo the harm. We have always been in charge of what we believe about ourselves. The assignment is to change our beliefs.

We can begin by creating positive affirmations and repeating them to ourselves every morning. We can follow this with a commitment to stop every negative thought once it starts. We will succeed with perseverance.

We are lucky, really. When it comes to negative self-talk, we’re no different than other people. That we have a program to help us change our behavior is the luck. Let’s relish our good fortune.

Healing begins with me today. I’ll only be as well as I tell myself I am.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I can deal with painful memories

All of a sudden I'll have a memory that really hurts, really scares me. It feels like a sock in the gut that knocks the breath out of me. I have to stop what I'm doing to collect myself. If the memories keep coming, sometimes I want to use.

But I cannot drink or take drugs. I must not. My recovery is too important to me. I've learned that if I use, I cannot deal with my memories nor my other recovery issues. I know there is a better way than using. Abstinence is not easy, but it offers long-term relief and the chance to heal.

I will pray the Serenity Prayer and use physical exercise to help deal with my painful memories.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

One, two, three..., one, two, three....

~ The Program Waltz ~

At a meeting one time, we heard a woman simplify the program in a unique way. She was struggling with many issues all at once. She was having trouble working the Steps. She was wrestling with marital and job problems. She said that what has been most helpful to her is “The Program Waltz.”

This, she explained, is her way of simplifying recovery. Whenever she feels overwhelmed she goes back to the first three Steps: “One, Two, Three,... One, Two, Three....” In this way, she said, she concentrates on the principles that help her most in times of need: powerlessness, surrender, and letting go. These first three Steps help her get centered and remind her of the thoughts and spiritual guidance that help her most.

Sometimes we can end up spinning our wheels in the program and we find we must move on and take a Fourth Step in order to stay balanced. It’s nice to know, though, that the Steps are all available to us, that we can go back and start again when we need to.

Although “One, Two, Three” may not be as effective for all of us, it can be a useful tool for focusing on the basics in our own recovery.

Today I am thankful for the wisdom of those who are in recovery with me.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Every time that I think I’m getting old, and gradually going to the grave, something else happens.

~ Lillian Carter ~

How do you view getting older? Do you feel pride and accomplishment when you think of all that you have done or deep regret at all the things you have not been able to do? Do you break out in a cold sweat at the unknown that lies ahead?

Moving into middle age or beyond can sometimes cause you to feel fear and anxiety. You may be overwhelmed with thoughts of retirement and financial security, diseases and infirmities, an increasing dependency upon others, and making end-of-life plans. When you feel this way, try to remember how you felt on your first day in recovery. You were most likely afraid at what was yet to come and full of doubt. Every minute of that first day may have felt as if it were your last.

The same trust and faith you have developed in the program can be applied in ways to help you handle the process of growing older. You can either look forward to the cycles of life you have yet to enjoy and make the most of them, or fear and resist them. It is your choice.

I will resolve not to take the progress of my years too seriously. After all, as it has been said, “You’ll never get out of it alive!"

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

The turbulent billows of the fretful surface leave the deep parts of the ocean undisturbed.

~ William James ~

Picture in your mind a calm lake, is surface like glass reflecting the sky and the full trees along its edge. A short distance from shore a flock of geese float smoothly along the surface. With their long necks extended gracefully, they barely create a ripple on the surface of the lake.

That picture is very serene. But below the surface of the water are a bunch of legs furiously churning. This lake scene teaches us a lesson: things are not always as they appear. A smiling face may not reflect a broken heart. A sleeping child may not reflect nightmares being dreamed. An efficient worker may not reflect the nervous approval-seeker. A responsible adult may not reflect the hurting, angry child within.

Tonight we can think about the appearances we reflect to others. Are we like the smoothly floating geese, not letting anyone see our struggles? Tonight, we can learn that keeping up appearances is really for the birds!

I can let down all appearances and let people see how I really feel. I can be honest and show the emotions that are under my surface.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Liking the program

Because most of us who have been around the program awhile like it here, newcomers sometimes mistakenly think that we wanted to be here. They imagine us eagerly waiting to dash into the promised land.

Ha! None of us wanted to come here at first, but how can we help it if we love it in the program now that we’ve found it to be a true way to solve our problems?

Do I like it here?

Higher Power, let me be grateful always for having found this new way of life, but help me remember how the newcomer feels.

Today I will enjoy the program by

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

All passions exaggerate: it is because they exaggerate that they are passions.

~ SEBASTIEN-ROCHE NICOLAS DE CHAMFORT ~

Newcomer

Things are terrible; I feel as if I'm in my first day of recovery all over again. Thank God for this program: the one thing I'm completely sure about is that I don't want to go back to using my drug of choice.

Sponsor

It's clear that whatever else happens today, your commitment to recovery is solid. Perhaps you need a day to fall apart, to feel the chaotic swirl of your feelings, to see that much you've thought of as permanent and well-functioning is separated only by the thinnest of lines from sheer nothingness. It might be a great relief.

In recovery, many of us arrive at a place where we just want to run or quit—not quit recovery itself but other aspects of our lives. We may feel as if we've been holding things together, showing up and taking on a lot of responsibility, for some time now. Perhaps we think that if we let go, our part in the world will come to an end.

Many things have a tendency to hold together, whether we attend to them or not. Venting our feelings can give us energy for a fresh start.

Today, I drop my shoulders, I loosen my grip, I vent my feelings.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

A shipwrecked sailor on a desert island may eventually find another in a like predicament, but the poor alcoholic is all alone with himself, even in a world full of alcoholics.

That is one of the most brutal characteristics of the malady that separates us from the world about us and makes us men without a country, without a hope and without a friend.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

The Four “A's”

Dear God, I have learned to live within my limitations and to live up to my capabilities as I grow in recovery. As I try to practice the principles of our Program, I will accept the truth that I seek progress and not spiritual perfection. I pray to admit my limitations and remind myself I am only human. I have quit trying to play God. When I take my inventory and remember the Four "A’s"—Acceptance, Awareness, Action, and Attitude—I continue learning to live within my limitations and to live up to my capabilities.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

BE SPECIFIC!

Man has dominion over all things when he knows the Law of Being and obeys it. Do not put off your study of the law any longer. Take stock of your life this very day. Write down the things you really wish for. Be specific, not vague. Then write down underneath the conditions that you wish to remove from your life. If you do this candidly, you now have an extremely valuable analysis of your own mentality. In course of time this will tell you a great many things about yourself that you do not at present suspect, and as your knowledge of spiritual Truth increases, you will be able to handle the new knowledge about yourself in a surprising way.

Having gotten your main points in front of you, work on each one separately with all the spiritual knowledge you possess. Remember, it is not really very important how much of this knowledge you have so long as you make use of all that you do have. Repeat this treatment every day for a month, and by the end of that time it will be very unusual if a change for the better has not manifested itself in your conditions.

For those unfamiliar with spiritual treatment, an effective method of working is this: Claim gently but definitely that the great creative Life Force of the universe is bringing each of the needed changes into your life in its own way, in its own time, and in its own form. Do not try to dictate the exact form in which the new conditions shall come about. Do not be tense or vehement. Do not let anyone else know that you are doing this. Do not look impatiently every day for results.

Keep therefore the words of this covenant, and do them, that ye may prosper in all that ye do (Deuteronomy 29:9).

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Just Changed Addresses

There is no death.

~ A Course in Miracles ~

For a long time, my mother asked me to put up a mezuzah on her doorpost. In the Jewish religion, a mezuzah is a small box that contains a parchment from the Bible. It is placed by the door as a reminder that God is present in the house, and serves as a blessing to those who enter and leave. I put up the mezuzah, but it kept falling off, and because I was not motivated, it ended up in my mother's kitchen drawer until she passed away. Six months after my mom's passing, I received a call from my clairvoyant friend, Carla. "Have you received the present from your mom yet?" Carla asked in a matter-of-fact way. Her question threw me for a loop. "No, I don't recall anything with the postmark, 'Heaven.'"

"You will receive a gift from her soon; I sent it to you. I was in a gift shop in St. Louis, and as I was looking at a certain item, your mom whispered in my ear and told me to get it for you. I don't know what it is, but you will." Several days later, I received Carla's package. When I opened it, I was stunned to find a mezuzah. I put it up quickly and made sure it stayed!

I believe that my mom spoke to Carla from the other side of life to give me a sign that she is still very much alive and present. Although she had passed from my visible sight, she was still my mom, she still loved me, and she was still with me.

When a friend of mine told me that he had just come back from his father's funeral, I told him I was sorry to hear that. "It's okay," he answered. "He just changed addresses."

Life never dies; it just changes forms.

Help me to know that life is eternal. Banish thoughts of death, that I may know the truth of life.

God is alive everywhere. My loved ones are always with me.