It isn't about the substance, it is but a symptom of my disease as they say. The problem for me was the thinking behind the drinking, eating, using, etc. That for me, is why the 12 Steps are applicable to all fellowships.
Told my son that I went to my Al-Anon meeting, because I found my dirty tongue coming back. He said every time he hears the
word, he laughs. It doesn't seem right coming out of his mother's mouth.
On our way down to have dinner at Swiss Chalet one night, I cussed about something, and I looked at him and said, "Guess I need another meeting." He said, "I guess you do!"
Those signs are there for me, and I have been aware of the swearing, but discounted it, but today was the first day I admitted to the need for change.
Some people may disagree, but time means NOTHING! All time has done for me is give my more experiences of how not to do it, and along the way I picked up some tools and Good Orderly Direction, that allows me to be grateful, realize ALL I have is today.
My sobriety started an hour and 18 minutes ago. It doesn't matter that I haven't been to sleep yet. It doesn't matter that I will probably have my breakfast before I go to bed. I have found, that if I ask for help each day and give thanks at night, all will be well for today.
I have just had more practice than some. One day I just might get it right. I have also found that I tend to sabotage the good as well as the ugly. Can't stand success any better than I can failure.
When I do the do things in today to maintain my recovery, then I can live my life with a greater ease and I am given hope. What I did yesterday, last week, month, year, will not keep me sober in today, but it will give me hope for a better tomorrow.
I was given a panda bear in recovery to hold and cuddle. It took me a week to hold it in my arms.