Quote:
Just For Today
November 20
Finding Fulfillment
“We weren’t oriented toward fulfillment; we focused on the emptiness and worthlessness of it all.”
Basic Text p. 86
There were probably hundreds of times in our active addiction when we wished we could become someone else. We may have wished we could trade places with someone who owned a nice car or had a larger home, a better job, a more attractive mate – anything but what we had. So severe was our despair that we could hardly imagine anyone being in worse shape than ourselves.
In recovery, we may find we are experiencing a different sort of envy. We may continue to compare our insides with others’ outsides and feel as though we still don’t have enough of anything. We may think everyone, from the newest member to the oldest old-timer, sounds better at meetings than we do. We may think that everyone else must be working a better program because they have a better car, a larger home, more money, and so on.
The recovery process experienced through our Twelve Steps will take us from an attitude of envy and low self-esteem to a place of spiritual fulfillment and deep appreciation for what we do have. We find that we would never willingly trade places with another, for what we have discovered within ourselves is priceless.
Just for today: There is much to be grateful for in my life. I will cherish the spiritual fulfillment I have found in recovery.
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I remember a woman in early recovery, I would had less than two years clean and sober and she said, "How can you be so happy on so little." Since my marriage ended I had been Mother's Allowance, and after I wasn't able to work because of my addiction, I was on Welfare. My social worker got me on Ontario Disability, which made living a little easier.
I had that envy and low self-esteem. As it says, you have fill the void with spiritual things, and then the ache and pain goes away. Gratitude goes a long way. As my sponsor said to me, "If you got one hand in the hand of a newcomer and the other hand in the Hand of your Higher Power, you don't have any hands left to pick up." It worked for me. That is how I lost three pounds when I quit smoking, instead of gaining. I didn't look to other substances, I went to NA and collected my key tags and worked the program. I not only had to clean myself, but my surroundings and certain friends and my family from my life, until such a time, as I could bring them back in my life, when I could stand firm and learned how to deal with those outside issues.
I went to a self-esteem program, which was suggested by my social worker that got me into the recovery house. I went about 4 times, not sure now, a long time ago, and I kept thinking, "People, get a 12 Step Program." I had been where they were and didn't want to get pulled down by all the negativity.
The same thing happened when I went for anger management. The teacher said, "We value your input and help." I said, "I am not here to do your job." I am not getting what I need here, I will go back to working the 12 Steps.
