Acceptance/Defiance
Acceptance is the key to my recovery today. When I am not accepting, I am hurting - physically, mentally and emotionally.
As long as I defy looking at or owning something I am putting up a barrier to healing and change, and blocking me from the Spirit of my God.
When I accept each day at it comes, it generally unfolds in a timely manner. I don't always end up where I expect to be, and I don't often end up where I want to be, and I may not even like where I am at, but it is where I am suppose to be.
Accepting my disease came hard, because I kept pointing my finger at my dad, my ex-husband, and friends. They had the problem, I was a functional drunk although I didn't like to accept that word. I didn't get drunk! I walked a straight line. I drove my car on the right side of the road and the police didn't pull me over, although many times, if they had, they would have locked me up and thrown away the key.
For most of my life, it was don't tell me, watch me! One line, I still find myself saying is, "Since when did I do what was good for me since you knew me." It was like the defiance was instilled in me, because I found myself not accepting rules, regulations, and authority.
Things are better in today, but there are days that God and I still need to work on this issue.
