Recognizing Defects of Character
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When situations arise which destroy my serenity, pain often motivates me to ask God for clarity in seeing my part in the situation. Admitting my powerlessness, I humbly pray for acceptance. I try to see how my character defects contribute to the situation.
Don't have a lot of clarity at the moment. Having slept my day away, it didn't leave much time for my character defects to make themselves known.
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When I did the chip this morning, I had very little acceptance of what was going on with me. I know my doctor is trying to help me. He took me off of one medication and put me on another. This one isn't covered by my drug plan and I had to pay for it.
There is a part of me that says, "This has to work because I paid for it." It worked. I slept, but sleeping the day away is not good. Staying awake last night after taking it wasn't good either. Part of that was my fault, because I wasn't yawning, or feeling tired, I didn't go to bed. Perhaps what I need is a change in attitude and instead of waiting for it to tell me to go to bed I should surrender and go to bed and then perhaps I would go to sleep easier.
When I become aware of a defect of character, I immediately take it to my Higher Power. There is no way I want to continue to act out in my disease. I often pray for the willingness for the willingness to know what I need to do for my health and well being. I ask for my own knowingness and my own truth so that I can be honest about what is going on in my life.
My sponsor told me that if I was ever in doubt about my character defects, look at who I was pointing a finger at because it was a reflection of myself. A sure fired way of keeping me honest even if I don't like it.
Today, I am reminded of what a long-timer (25 years sober when I had a year) said, "He had 13 barrels containing each defect of character but only had 12 lids. One defect kept popping up and when he got a lid on it, a new one popped up.
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Posted in 2010
Chips referred here are character defects with a positive/negative defect on a poker chip, you put them in a bag, and you pull one out, and that is what you work on in today.
The list to follow!