[bluidkiti]

October 9

Step by Step

” …’If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.'” – Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, “They Lost Nearly All,” Ch 12 (“Freedom from Bondage”), p 552.

Today, if resentment is the deadliest poison to alcoholics alongside alcohol, I will make a sincere effort to free myself of it once and for all. If “Let Go and Let God” has failed because I have taken back my resentment, I’ll try what is suggested here – pray for the person or thing I resent to receive what I want for myself. Even if I can’t say I am sincere and honest in my hopes for whoever or whatever I resent, I will try for two weeks to pray for the best for them. God granting, after two weeks, the monkey on my back will be gone. Like alcohol and all the garbage that comes with it, as for resentment: enough is enough. Time to get rid of it. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

CHANGING

All changes, even the most longed for, have [some sadness]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another!

~ Anatole France ~

Changing negative patterns of behavior has been difficult for most of us. The harder we tried to change ourselves, the less we seemed to succeed. We believed we wanted what was good for us, yet our actions proved otherwise. Our addiction showed us that will power was more of a barrier to change than a help.

Before recovery, we used to read books written on how to become happy, quit bad habits, and improve the quality of our lives. We read the words, believed what they said, and continued to live as we always had.

Now we look to our recovery for an answer. We can let go of our old familiar ways that gave us the illusion of safety. We now see how they were self-defeating.

I have learned in recovery not to be stubborn or afraid of changing. I can live in the present and build a better future.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

You don’t have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.

~ John Ciardi ~

We can think of our life as a poem. We are crafting a meaningful whole out of chaotic experiences. How do we make something worthwhile from what our life has been? We begin by getting honest with ourselves and others. We all have had enough suffering to feel deeply. We all have come face to face with the stone wall of facts we cannot change by our own efforts.

The ultimate creation of a man’s life is in who he becomes. We have lost a lot. We have had sufficient pain, and we are guilty of doing bad things. Now we take that bundle of experiences and ask, what can I learn from them? All that we have done can be turned into something heroic and wonderful. There is nothing more inspiring than a mess of a man who works hard and turns himself into a good person.

Today I will continue my path to creating a life with meaning and quality.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

It doesn’t matter what we have done in the past.

~ Melody Beattie ~

Shame about the past is not unusual, particularly for women like us. It isn’t a productive feeling, however. Shame keeps us stuck, and we have joined this program to grow. Let’s let the past go, accepting simply that it provided us with experiences that have pushed us to new heights of awareness. What we’ve learned from those experiences, if shared, will educate another soul who still suffers.

The twenty-four hours that lie ahead are our only concern now. We can make them productive, fulfilling, and peaceful if we honor each hour. The women and men who come to us today, the events that are triggered by their presence, and the attitude we harbor determine the fruitfulness of any moment. What a thrill to fully realize that our journey has a purpose and an intensity special to the particular lesson each of us needs.

I don’t have to let the past hinder me any longer. I can be free of it, if that’s my desire.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I am coming out of denial

At first I couldn't accept the counselor's concerns: In response, I said I didn't have a problem with drugs or alcohol and didn't need her kind of help (strike 1). I insisted to her that I didn't abuse chemicals—that I used them only to help me when I had symptoms of my psychiatric illness (strike 2). I insisted that I was managing my symptoms (strike 3). The facts, of course, were different. I was afraid, in denial, and I didn't understand myself.

Now that I have some time in dual recovery (I'm stable and abstinent), I wish I had listened sooner to that substance abuse counselor. It has been hard admitting a dual disorder—both psychiatric illness and addiction—but since I did, I've felt better, especially through work in my Twelve Step fellowship. I now feel I am honest and no longer working against myself.

Today I will reread Step One in the Big Book and check in with my sponsor.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

I was a tiger on the outside and a marshmallow inside.
In recovery, I’m both — but I don’t have to be either.

~ Karen O. ~

When we were drinking or using, many of us were two people. Under the influence, we were sure of ourselves and our opinions. But the next morning, we were our old, scared, and maybe shy, selves again. We thought our drug of choice was a magic potion that unlocked the brave and courageous soul within us. We were convinced we could never be strong without it.

What a surprise to find those different sides of our personality blending in a new way in recovery. The serenity, honesty, and spirituality we’ve found help us choose how to act according to our values and the needs of the situation. With what we’ve learned, we can protect ourselves from people, places, and things that are dangerous to us and our recovery program.

And we can learn to be open with people we trust and care for. Recovery has given us the sanity to know the difference and to handle life in a new way. Now, with the help of our Higher Power, we can be whole.

Today grant me the strength to defend myself, and the strength to be gentle.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Faith is not a series of gilt-edged propositions that you sit down to figure out, and if you follow all the logic and accept all the conclusions, then you have it.

~ Mary Jean Irion ~

Years ago administrators at a high school in California told some of their teachers at the beginning of the school term that their students would most likely experience an intellectual growth spurt by the end of the academic year. At the end of the term, students of these teachers had, indeed, dramatically improved their academic performance.

Administrators revealed that the teachers had been selected at random; there was no particular reason why they or their students had been selected. But because the teachers had expected more from their respective classes, they had subtly communicated this expectation to their students. The teachers showed that they believed in their capabilities, and the students responded to this support. Yet, if the teachers had shown doubt in the students’ success, the outcome would most likely have been different. I When you believe you are incapable of achieving great things, then these are the beliefs with which you will meet any challenge that comes your way. The higher the regard that you have for yourself and your capabilities, the greater the level of your success will be in anything you do.

Today I will create self-fulfilling prophecies that focus on positive achievement and success.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

The ideal day never comes. Today is ideal for him who makes it so.

~ Horatio W. Dresser ~

What kind of day did we have today? Are we critical of the day's events or circumstances because they didn't meet our expectations? Based on our standards of perfection, will we ever have the perfect day?

There is no such thing as a perfect day. Today happened just the way it was supposed to, with its imperfections as well as its achievements. If it was a lousy day, it was only because we believed it was a lousy day. By the same token, today was a good day because we believed it was, not because the sun was shining or traffic was light or we got paid.

Every day is different. Some days may be enjoyable experiences while others may be difficult to get through. But each day plays an important part in our development. Instead of judging each day like a teacher grading papers, we can see each day as our teacher. What we learn from the day, as well as the attitude we have about it, is our daily lesson.

Tonight, can I see today as my teacher? What did I learn today?

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Slipping

A common rationalization about not making the program goes like this: Harry over there slipped ten times before he made it. So what if I slip a few times?

What is overlooked is that the last time Jack slipped, he slipped into a coffin; the last time Bob slipped, his baby son burned to death in a crib because of Bob’s negligence; the last time Ann slipped, she got strychnine poisoning and became blind; and the last time Jim slipped, he tried to kill his wife and nearly did.

We’re not playing games here. This is a matter of life and death.

Have I stopped slipping?

Higher Power, let me know that it is not only my life but the lives of others that I endanger by playing loaded games.

I will avoid slipping today by

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

One cannot but be perturbed when fire breaks out in a neighbors house.

~ INDIRA GANDHI ~

Newcomer

There's someone I've gotten to know recently who told me she'd tried the program for a few months last year but didn't like it. One day, she announced that she'd had a few beers the night before. She said it in a tone meant to suggest that it wasn't a problem for her. Now it's clear that her use of alcohol has escalated again; she refers to it in some fashion whenever I see her.

I understand now that I can't force recovery on anyone. But when she mentioned "cleaning up," I said to her, as lightly as I could, "I go to lots of meetings, so if you ever feel like trying one again and want some company, let me know." I hope I did the right thing.

Sponsor

You did exactly what I'd have done. Much as you may have wanted to say more, you made your offer kindly and left it at that. You haven't brought up the issue repeatedly. You haven't let her relationship with alcohol affect your social or emotional life. You haven't "covered" for her, lent her money, or focused on her problems instead of on your work and school responsibilities. You haven't let your concern for her become an obsession.

You can be certain that she heard you. If she ever becomes willing to come to a meeting, she knows that you're there.

Today, I admit my powerlessness over other people's addictions.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

So you killed the goose that laid the Golden Egg? That's too bad. You can't bring it back to life but you can do the next best thing—you can eat the goose. You can't unscramble an egg but you can bake a cake.

It is water going over the dam that drives the machinery. You are an alcoholic—you can't help that fact, but you can use your alcoholism for the benefit of other alcoholics and society generally.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Part of the Solution

Dear Lord, remind me that when I was practicing my addiction, I traveled alone.

No relationship was more important. I was a hostage in a prison of chemicals. The Fellowship and Your guidance has broken that grip of isolation. I pray to remain grateful to the men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope. The Fellowship is a circle of spiritual vitality that energizes me when I'm willing to join hands. Alone I am the problem. Together with others, I am part of the solution.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

BULB AND FLOWER

Who has not at some time or other planted a bulb and enjoyed the pleasure of waiting for the plant to appear and develop, and ultimately produce the glorious flower itself? Notice here that you naturally plant the bulb and expect the flower—the hyacinth or the crocus—to follow. No sane person would dream of planting the flower and expecting a bulb to come up; yet in our general life many of us do just that! We expect to begin with the flower. We think that we shall have desirable states of mind or body—happiness, freedom, health—if only we can change outer conditions in some way. Yet this is really trying to plant a flower, because we are trying to put effect before cause.

The law of the universe is thought first, and then expression; and never can this law be reversed.

Let all things be done decently and in order (1 Corinthians 14:40).

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Get Off Your Buts

If you sit in the middle of the road, you will get hit by traffic from both directions.

~ Bryce Courtenay ~

After spending a day with a small group of friends in New York City, we were deciding whether to go to a movie or go home. As we drove along, each person gave their input. "I'll go with the flow," said the first person. "I'm not attached," offered the second. "I'll do whatever the group wants," added a third. I'm just happy," reported a fourth. The driver pulled off the road, turned to face the others, and half irritated, half-humorously, announced, "That's enough! Can't you guys come up with anything but new age platitudes? I need to know what direction to drive this car; this is one of those situations in which everyone is just going to have to be honest. Now, let me ask each of you again. What would you like to do?"

As it turned out, no one wanted to attend the movie, so we all just went home-but not before I learned an important lesson in taking a stand.

When you're honest about where you are, you and others have something to work with. If you're vague or withhold your truth for the sake of pleasing others, it's hard to get anywhere. Even if you're upset or feeling unclear, you serve by reporting where you are. Often simply speaking up moves the energy to the next level.

Sometimes all we have to offer is our current experience, and that is enough. Even if we're not in touch with the ultimate truth of the universe, or if our position changes, we do well to give the driver a direction before he has to pull off the road to ask.

I pray to be clear with myself and others. Give me the confidence to know that where I am is good enough.

I make a stand for who and what I am.