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September 13

Step by Step

"Above all, I was suffering inner pain because my performance and my accomplishments in life failed to live up to my own expectations of myself. I had to anesthetize that pain with alcohol. Of course, the more I drank, the more unrealistic my expectations became and the poorer my performance, and the gap widened. So the need to drink grew still greater." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, "They Lost Nearly All," Ch 13 ("AA Taught Him to Handle Sobriety"), p 557.

Today, understand the reasons I concocted to drink were and are little more than excuses and, more, that maybe I should work a program that keeps me sober instead of keeping me from drinking. It's a fine line between struggling to keep from drinking and working to stay sober: by working only for the purpose not to drink, I probably am not applying the program's principles to get me sober. If so, I am not coming to terms with the "reasons" that I "had" to drink. And, by neglecting the psychological and spiritual sickness, I run the risk of losing or simply giving up the battle to keep from drinking. In the end, AA is intended to help us handle our living problems and not our drinking problem. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

PUSHING BUTTONS

Our family, parents, and loved ones can "push our buttons." That's because they installed them.

~ Anonymous ~

Many of us grew up shame-based, and it has continued into our later lives. Addiction and shame go together. We were told, we could do better in school. We were told we weren't living up to our potential. We learned there was something wrong with us. We should do better. Guilt is when we make a mistake; shame is when we are a mistake.

Our recovery allows us to identify and work out of our shame-based past. We can't force the people in our lives who push our buttons to change. We can change our attitudes and the way we react to button-pushers and the old unmanageable tapes in our heads. Not being perfect no longer means not being worthwhile.

Today, I am learning not to let the button-pushers affect my outlook. My sponsor and fiends are always there to make sure my button-pushers have much less power over me.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

You can learn little from victory. You can learn everything from defeat.

~ Christy Mathewson ~

We all know the face of painful defeat. We tried to win, but some of our ways led to disgrace and shame. We used unwise and self-indulgent methods to cope with life’s problems. Those defeats were devastating. But it’s not only bad choices and mistakes that create loss and heartache. Inevitably, adult life forces everyone to face powerlessness. That is a spiritual lesson that some of us accept more readily than others. Many guys don’t easily give up the heady feeling of power and the pride of doing things their own way, even when their own way brings repeated defeat.

With only victories, we might remain as superficial boys for the rest of our lives. What would push us to learn? From the broken pieces of painful events we are forced to learn something new. We can no longer hold on to our voracious appetites and our stubborn willfulness. We have to finally open our minds to the wisdom of others. Through our failures we are strengthened In facing powerlessness, we truly grow from boyishness into genuine manhood

Today I am grateful for all that I have learned from my defeats.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

There comes a time in everyone’s recovery when we must begin to focus on wellness.

~ Julie B. ~

We have admitted we have a disease. We have also agreed to get help. We address our disease by doing the maintenance necessary to stay clean and sober—going to meetings, calling our sponsor, reading recovery literature, and staying away from slippery places.

Cultivating wellness is the next step in our process. Being free of hangovers isn’t really well-ness, even though we feel much better. Being well means being fit, physically. That comes from eating healthy food, exercising regularly, getting enough rest, and seeking the advice of professionals if mental or physical problems arise.

Before we stopped using chemicals, we couldn’t comprehend what wellness meant. Each sober day that we eat right and exercise moves us toward a more rewarding life. That’s wellness.

I can stay clean and sober with a little effort. And I can be well in mind, body, and spirit with a little extra effort today.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I am facing my powerlessness

I'm following my dual recovery plan, but for some reason, it doesn't seem to be working these days. I feel better for a while and then feel worse again (which makes me feel worse still). At times I wonder if I'll ever recover-and then I lapse into thoughts about giving up completely.

On the other hand, I wonder if I am expecting too much too soon. Or maybe I am trying too hard. Perhaps I simply can't see that I am, in fact, getting better because I'm so close to it. When I think about it this way, I leave myself some room for faith. Perhaps I just need to keep working my program and in time (my higher power's time), I will settle down and find a measure of peace.

I will pray for strength and call a friend or sponsor for reassurance and support.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.

~ William Shakespeare ~

When something or someone makes us angry and we deny or ignore it, it will become a resentment one day. Resentments hurt us because we suffer, but the person we’re angry with does not.

Resentments eat away at us, they make us into angry, negative, short-tempered, or depressed people. The key to preventing resentment is to start expressing our feelings, either directly or in writing. We can also talk to a third party, someone else we feel safe with. But we must somehow express our anger so we can move past it.

We do this not to change the other person, but to unload the poison of resentment from ourselves. Once we’ve acknowledged it, we often are able to forgive or forget. We no longer carry that burden. Anger does not have to bum in our hearts today. We can let go of anger, and that feels wonderful.

Today help me accept my feelings, express them in a safe way, and then turn them over to my Higher Power.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

It is easier to gaze into the sun, than into the face of the mystery of God. Such is its beauty and its radiance.

~ Hildegard of Bingen ~

When you were a child, you may have thought less about yourself and more about the wonder of the world around you, asking questions such as, “Do fish sleep at night?” As you grew older, your questioning may have been based less on the world around you and more on all of the things you were anxious to have or do: “Why can’t I have a puppy?” When you became an adult, you may have thought little about your place in the world or the value of others and asked questions such as, “Why do you always have be on my case?” When you entered the program, you may have asked, “Why do I have to go to meetings?” But as the program gradually became a new way of life for you, your questions changed: “How did I manage to stay olive using when others I know died?”

Asking questions—even those that have no clear answers—helps you to look outside of yourself and to recognize that the world is vast and filled with many mysteries.

Even if I do not know all of the answers, I will continue to ask questions. The more I learn about life, the more I want to learn.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

The cure for grief is motion.

~ Elbert Hubbard ~

Anniversaries of death, separation, and loss are difficult times. We can be feeling fine one month and then suddenly feel tremendous sadness, pain, and anger during the next. A quick look at our calendars may reveal a reason for our feelings, for we may have experienced something particularly trying at that time.

It's okay to relive an event and our feelings about it, as long as we don't wallow in the past or try to use the event as a reason for all our present difficulties. Grieving is a process that can proceed only when we are in motion.

How do we get in motion? We can imagine we're sitting in a small room of horrible-smelling cigar smoke. We can sit there and feel uncomfortable or even nauseous, or we can leave the room. That’s how we get in motion—by simply getting up and moving.

Tonight I can move out of my chair of painful memories. I can think of ways to get in motion and cure these sad feelings. Then I can relax and have a peaceful night's sleep.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Developing a sense of humor

We may not believe this, but it helps to think that life isn’t strictly serious. There’s much humor in it and a sense of humor often eases pain. If we can laugh, chances are we can forgive both ourselves and others.

It may not feel like it, but recovery isn’t strictly serious either. Getting clean and sober (and helping others do the same) is often a process full of joy.

Can I find something to laugh at today?

Higher Power, help me see the humor in all my seriousness, help me laugh.

Today I will work on my sense of humor by

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

I wonder if this new reality is going to destroy me.

~ BARBARA GUEST ~

Newcomer
I got the promotion I've been praying for. Now I'm afraid I'm not up to doing the job well enough. What if I'm a failure at it?

Sponsor

First of all, congratulations! But remember, you'll never fully experience how positive this moment is if you move right into the next available negative emotion.

Like you, I'm used to maintaining my daily quotient of doubt and fear. Success, however I've defined that word for myself throws me off balance. I can belittle the accomplishment itself brush it off pretend it doesn't mean much. Or I can belittle myself: "I was just lucky," or "They must have made a mistake." I can even put my recovery at risk, finding substitute addictions in an effort to numb my discomfort at having a success.

Successes, like disappointments, are opportunities for surrender. I've watched you work hard for this success; you deserve it. You deserve, too, to take it in fully, to share about it, to celebrate it. It's time to take a few deep breaths and really feel this moment.

Today, I celebrate a success, large or small.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

In spite of evidence to the contrary, we still persist in wondering what would happen, after our several months of sobriety, if we again took a drink.

We definitely know that we don't want "a" drink. We never did in our drinkingest days. We know that we have graduated from the ranks of happy drinkers. We know of no one in all our experience who has made the experiment to his or anyone else's satisfaction—yet we might be the exception.

It is this type of curiosity that has killed many a cat. Don't try it. Even if you are right—you're wrong.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

My Family

Help me accept the potent emotions I may feel toward family members. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on me and my family. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package.

~ From The language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie, page 117 ~

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

KEY WORDS IN THE BIBLE

REPENTANCE

To repent means, really, to change one's mind concerning something. When a person realizes that a particular action, or a certain line of conduct, or perhaps the whole direction of his life, has been wrong, and honestly resolves to change his conduct, he has repented. The Bible makes true repentance an essential condition for any spiritual progress, and for the forgiveness of sin, Jesus said, Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish (Luke 13:3).

Repentance does not mean grieving for past mistakes, because this is dwelling in the past, and our duty is to dwell in the present and make this moment right. Worrying over past mistakes is remorse, and remorse is a sin, for it is a refusal to accept God’s forgiveness.

John the Baptist said, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand (Matthew 3:2). This means that you should change your thought and know that the Presence of God is where you are.

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Destiny by Choice

Chance plays no part in God's plan.

~ A Course in Miracles ~

In the film Mr. Destiny, James Belushi plays a man who wishes that his life were otherwise. For many years, Larry agonizes over striking out in a crucial situation while playing high school baseball under observation by major league scouts. He knows that if he had gotten a hit, he would have landed a professional baseball contract, generated a huge income, and married a woman as enticing as his boss's wife. Then Larry meets a shaman who shows him what his life would have been like if he had taken the glamour road. While Larry is initially in bliss, the demands placed upon a rich and famous person soon catch up with him, and he realizes that he created a hell, not a heaven. Finally, he prays to return to his regular life, which, although mediocre, is joyful for him. The caption on the movie poster asks, "Would you trade everything you have for everything you want?"

While it may be tempting to fantasize about how it all might have been different if a key decision from your past had turned out another way, trust that it actually turned out in your best interests. On a deep level, our soul knows what will best serve our destiny, and the situations we manifest are in harmony with where we need to be for a particular purpose. Where else could you be but where you are, and who else could you be but who you are?

Don't waste a moment regretting past mistakes or wishing it were otherwise. Ask yourself how you would like it to be now, and invest your energy in building the life you believe in. Then your life will reflect your choices, not your fears.

Help me trust that the decisions You make through and around me are perfect.

I am in my right place on my right path. I cannot lose because God is with me.