[bluidkiti]

December 26

Wisdom for Today
"Admitted to God, ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." These words in Step Five made my very insides groan. To honestly say out loud the words so carefully written in Step Four and admit to God, myself and someone else who and what I was and what I had done and not done was a task I thought too great. Yet I knew that this step had been written for a reason. So many that had gone before me had stated that they had found a new freedom in this step. So why was I so petrified by this task? The reality was that shame had me in its grasp. I stood broken and damaged and had no desire to complete this step.
I pondered for many days what the wisdom was behind this step and continued to be paralyzed. I could not even call the person that my sponsor suggested to me to arrange a meeting to discuss doing my Fifth Step. I didn't even want to talk to my sponsor about this. I went to a meeting I normally didn't attend hoping to find a way out. The chair of the meeting went through all of the opening rituals and then introduced the topic for the evening. He said, "Tonight I think we should talk about forgiveness." He went on to talk about his Fifth Step and how it had not only opened his eyes to the work he needed to do about his defects of character, but also how it opened the door to forgiving himself for all the wrongs he had committed. I was astounded. How was it that in this meeting I so rarely attended that this was the topic of the evening? God works in mysterious ways. The longer I stay clean and sober, the more I am convinced that there is no such thing as coincidence. Do I see how God works in and through the program?
Meditations for the Heart
Forgiveness was something I had heard about a lot in church growing up, but it was something that I really didn't understand. It was clear to me that this was a spiritual concept I needed to learn more about. Perhaps this is why my sponsor had suggested I talk with a recovering pastor to do my Fifth Step. At any rate the next day after this meeting, I made a phone call to schedule a meeting; and indeed in the following weeks I did learn much about this spiritual concept. I also learned why it was not only important but necessary to keep my Higher Power in the center of my life. It was about balance. I had gotten so out of balance spiritually because of my addiction. Now I had to learn about balance. Do I understand the necessity of keeping my Higher Power in the center of my life?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Standing before You has not always been easy. Too often I have wanted to run and hide because of my shame. I understand why it is so important to keep You in the center of my life. If I do not trust You, whom can I trust? Walk with me this day and give me the willingness I need to live as You want me to live. Guide me each step of the way.
Amen.