How truly honest am I with myself? Is my drug of choice more? When I need to put it down, can I do so comfortably, or does it still call to me and do I listen? Do I say, just one more? Do I say, just one more won't hurt me? Do I say, "This isn't a street drug. I am not like one of those people!"
Do I tell myself, "I am not that bad yet! I am not like her. Heaven, forbid!"
What do you mean it all leads to the same soul sickness. So I buy a few scratch tickets, so I am just a little co-dependent, so I have a little eating disorder, so I work a few extra hours and I have an issue with being alone with me and fill my space up with other people. So I like video game, doesn't everyone. It is the in thing, everyone does it. So what if I get angry when the phone rings and interrupts my game. So what if I didn't return my friend's call, I can do it later.
So what I didn't make it to the meeting, it isn't the end of the world. There is always another one. I went to three meetings last week so it won't hurt for me to do only two this week. (That makes me cringe, I couldn't get by on less than 3 a week, generally it was no less than 5 after 10 years of recovery).
The list can go on an on, and I could probably come up with a whole lot more, but the whole idea is about my brain thinking more and my recovery starting to become less.
When I talked to people who relapsed, I asked them the cause of that relapse and they said, "I stopped going to meetings." I stopped calling my sponsor. I stopped working the steps. I did them once, I thought it was enough. When we work the steps, we heal and grow. Why not continue to heal and grow?
Sobriety! Soundness of mind! I have to work on my emotional sobriety daily. Picking up a drink or a drug is not an option, but working on my thinking, which was behind my drinking and drugging in the first place, is a daily exercise in sobriety.
