The one thing I have learned in my experience that helps newcomers open up is to expose my own failings. If newcomers know none of us are perfect it makes it ok to be at whatever state of mind they are in. Having come into AA around 1997 I used to hear over and over again this phrase "tough love." If you do a search in the "AA Big Book" or the "12 Steps and 12 Traditions" you won't find that phrase there. Another text lists the qualities of "love" being "Kindness, Gentleness and Long Suffering." In the end each individual is responsible for their own recovery. We have a precept of "attraction rather than promotion." I was fortunate to have grown up in a home where love was gentle and kind. I have listened to that speaker tape that is transcribed above. Dr. Bob's voice communicates the words he's using in a calm compassionate tone. The "old timers" in my area impress me in the way they are gentle and kind and compassionate. They don't preach or talk down to newcomers. That was not my experience where I got sober. I prefer gentleness over harshness every day and twice on Sunday..
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