[bluidkiti]

August 9

Step by Step

"Have I ever wanted a drink during these years? Only once did I suffer from a nearly overpowering compulsion to take a drink. Oddly enough, the circumstances and surroundings were pleasant. I was at a beautifully set dinner table. I was in a perfectly happy frame of mind. I had been in AA a year, and the last thing in my mind was a drink. There was a glass of sherry at my place. I was seized with an almost uncontrollable desire to reach out for it. I shut my eyes and asked for help. In 15 seconds or less, the feeling passed." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, "Alcoholics Anonymous Number Three," Ch 9 ("The Man Who Mastered Fear"), p 285.

Today, a reminder that my life has been relatively good if and when I have been tempted to drink. That the temptation sneaks on me when life is good asks the question if I still harbor self-destructive traits or if my ego is such that I think I "deserve" a "reward" of a drink. And when I see a CC and Coke or whiskey sour or a drink that has a soft inviting golden glow, do I think about the "good" times I had with drinking? Or do I remember that a drink has always led me to waking the next morning to that same golden color - in my vomit - or the headache so overpowering that it is beyond the aspirin cure and a stomach churning so violently that the smell of coffee is enough to trigger the dry heaves? Do I remember that the sight of a drink represents another DUI arrest and maybe another night in the county jail's drunk tank? Whatever! If and when I am tempted, I can and must do what I have to do if I don't want to take that first drink: "shut my eyes and ask for help." Today, I will be strong enough to ask for help, and I will not forget where the first drink will take me. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

GOD'S GIFTS

God will never give you more than you can handle.

~ Anonymous ~

There were times before we began our recovery that a trip to the store was too much for us. As time went on, we could handle less and less. Our addiction had made the simplest tasks unmanageable. The more we relied on ourselves the more we were let down. We became the ultimate of basket cases.

Now, in recovery, we have opened to a Power that takes care of all our concerns. We are asked to take certain Steps and work our Program. Satisfaction comes in knowing that God will never give us more than we can handle. We soon realize that we can handle much more than we thought.

Our temptation is to slip back into our old patterns when things got complicated. We used to think we could hide from our troubles. Now we trust in God and allow our Higher Power to work for us.

In time, simple solutions appear. Calmness returns. I don't need to fear change or problems.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Ritual is the way you carry the presence of the sacred. Ritual is the spark that must not go out.

~ Christina Baldwin ~

We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, births, graduations, and holidays. These events mark important times and turning points. Many of us have not honored these rituals, or we have doubted their meaning in life. Some of us have seen rituals used in false and hollow ways, and as a result deprived ourselves of the honest and deep rewards that flow from true and meaningful observances. Many of us are awakening from a time when all of life lost its meaning, and rituals also seemed empty.

Now we are transforming into men who are not cynical, who don’t diminish the landmarks in our lives. So we send birthday cards, we light a candle for the memory of a departed grandparent, and we give a gift to acknowledge our partner’s special day. The ritual of observing one month of sobriety can be even more meaningful than one decade’s observance. All events deserve some attention to mark those times. They bring us to attention. In our humility we accept the attention and we give attention to others.

Today I will take note of important life events and will plan to mark them with appropriate rituals.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

God loves us so much that whatever fills our minds is what God thinks we want.

~ Dudley Martineau ~

What do we commonly dwell on? For some of us, it’s how we fail to measure up to our expectations. Exaggerating and dwelling on our imperfections keep us stuck.

Sponsors tell us that God gives us what we think we want, but how does that work? Does whatever we hold in our mind become real? Carefully reviewing what has happened may con- vice us of this. Many experiences we dreaded indeed materialized. Just as often, fantasies we seldom dared to dream didn’t come our way.

While it’s true that there is much over which we have no control, the thoughts we dwell on are within our power. Every thought we harbor is a direct communication to God. We will experience what we keep asking for through the thoughts we send to God.

God is listening to every thought I have today. I will get what I want.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I want to stop acting out

I had been sober and stable for a while and it felt great. But then recently I had a lapse. Almost before I was aware of it, almost without thinking, I became very upset and then acted out.

I was nervous but I brought this up at my group anyway. In the discussion, I learned that urges usually weaken in just a few minutes. (Could I practice waiting them out? Could I learn a relaxation technique?) I also learned that to avoid lapses that can turn into slips, to avoid overreacting, it helps to know what I am feeling at any given time and to know what pushes my buttons.

At some point today I will take a few minutes to get relaxed and find out what I am feeling.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

God setteth the solitary in families.

~ Psalms 68:6 ~

There are so many sides to all of us. It’s not just a matter of “good” or “bad.”

Perhaps this is most true within our own family. Whoever makes up our family — whether it’s our children, parents, spouse, or friends — the feelings we have are often intense and contradictory.

Some of our relationships are strained. Some are improving. Where there is active addiction, everything often seems hopeless. Feelings change from day to day.

Our families can be the source of our greatest joys and our greatest pain. But in recovery, we are ready — body, mind, and spirit — to find balance in our lives. We are healthy again, able to see more clearly the shades of gray — the many sides that most people have. Now, we are learning not to think of people as “good” or “bad,” but to understand, love and accept them, and ourselves, as we are.

Today let me focus on how much I care about my family and how I can tell them I care.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.

~ Harriet Goldhor Lemer ~

How many times do you compare yourself to others and think, “I’ll never be good enough.” When you look at others and recognize their strengths, but then look at yourself and see only your weaknesses, you are creating a form of comparative measurement in which the worth of others rises while your self-confidence drops. By the same token, if you choose to look only at the faults of others as a way of boosting your self-confidence, you are judging your own self-worth through a false comparison.

When you can enjoy your life without comparing it to the life of others, you can develop a greater connection to those around you. You can learn from them and use their experiences to influence yours in positive ways. The greater your ability is to forge connections with others, the more you will be able to see how much you share in common with them.

When you can look at your own strengths and see your I own value, and look at others in the same way, you have i the opportunity to build a shared experience with them.

Today I will not compare myself to others, but connect with them.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

I have accepted fear as a part of life—specifically the fear of change . . . I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back. . . .

~ Erica Jong ~

There comes a time in every horror movie when we know something bad is going to happen. We can feel the tension and the pounding of our hearts, and we may want to scream at the actors to alert them of danger. But that's only a movie.

We will feel fear whenever we see darkness and not light. We will feel fear whenever we imagine someone or something is out to get us. Before the program, our lives were filled with many real dangers, yet we may not have seen them as real. Today our lives can be filled with safety, security, and harmony, if we see and face real dangers and not imaginary ones.

Life isn't a horror movie where danger is always lurking around the corner. There isn't some big monster out to grab us. The only fears we have tonight are those that spring forth from the shadows of the unknown.

Tonight I can remember my fears are based on making changes in myself for the better. It's okay to be afraid, as long as I don' t let this fear rule—and ruin—my life.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Admitting unmanageability

“What do you mean, ‘unmanageable’?” we ask when we first come into the program. (And we are surprised at the smiling faces and suppressed chuckles.) We have been living with our delusions for so long that we really believe everything is okay—or will be okay next week. We simply can’t see how out of control our lives truly are: angry creditors, unemployment, separation or divorce, health problems.

Some of these situations were ridiculous, others tragic—and still we fantasized that we were in control. After a period of time in the program, however, living with them seems hard to imagine. But if we still think we have control, we need to ask for help in facing our delusions and our tomorrow-will-be-better syndrome.

Have I turned the management of my life over to God?

Higher Power, help me to truly accept Step One.

I will look at what is unmanageable in my life today by

God help me to stay clean and sober to day!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains.

~ ANNE FRANK ~

Newcomer

How can I forgive my parents and other people who shaped my childhood? If I'd gotten what I needed when I was young, I wouldn't have to go through all this stuff I'm facing now.

Sponsor

In the process of looking back at our past, we see the circumstances of our childhood in a clear light. We see how we reacted to situations that weren't of our making. We see that we did whatever we could to survive intact; we developed our own particular strategies and strengths. Today, we may feel as if all we can do is to assign blame to others and feel anger and resentment. We may not be ready to forgive people who harmed us. If this is the case, we can acknowledge it by saying, "Today, I'm not able to forgive ¬_____.” Forgiveness can't be forced. However, we needn't assume that we will never feel it.

Once we've looked honestly at our past, we can accept that we have survived it, and that we can take the actions necessary to be restored to wholeness. One such action is to become willing to forgive ourselves, whether or not we're ready to forgive others. We can forgive ourselves for everything we wish we had done differently and for whatever qualities in ourselves we've ignored or rejected. Forgiving ourselves is a necessity.

Today, I am grateful for my life and for my capacity to heal.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

In their first efforts to grasp the Program, the new men are very frequently at a loss as to how to begin. They feel they have been so wrong in their attitude toward God and man that it appears that they have a multitude of things to do, when actually it can to a large degree be combined into one short sentence—act toward your fellow man as though God were watching and toward God as though man were watching.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Celtic Morning Prayer

This morning, as I kindle the fire upon my hearth, I pray that the flame of God's love may burn in my heart, and the hearts of all I meet today.

I pray that no envy or anger, no hatred or fear, may smother the flame.

I pray that indifference and apathy, contempt and pride, may not pour like cold water on the fire.

Instead, may the spark of God's love light the love in my heart, that it may burn brightly throughout the day.

And may I warm those who are lonely, whose hearts are cold and lifeless, so that all may know the comfort of Gods love.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

THE TRUE WITNESS

THE NINTH COMMANDMENT

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour (Exodus 20:16).

First, the obvious meaning is very important although it is only the beginning—do not tell lies about people.

We have to apply this principle of not bearing false witness right throughout our lives. It is very important to practice because whatever you say about another person will happen to you, yourself. If you lie about another person—that is an unpleasant word but I am using it because it is the right word—someone will lie about you. Jesus says so in the seventh chapter of Matthew, verses one and two:

Judge not, that ye be not judged.

For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

However, the fundamental meaning of this commandment, "Thou shalt not bear false witness," is that you always express what you are. You cannot be one thing and express another. Emerson says, "What you are shouts so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." We are always witnessing to what we are. So again, "Thou shalt not" really means "You cannot"—you cannot permanently bear false witness.

The true witness is the full expression of God's man. You will be bearing true witness to your neighbor when you are regenerated in soul. What does regeneration mean? It means the building of a new soul, not correcting the old one. When you change the soul, automatically the flesh changes, the skin changes, the blood vessels and the nerves and the bones change. But regeneration must begin with a change in the soul, not with anything in the outer world.

When we really know these things, we shall be bearing true witness.

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Be the First

I walked up to an old monk and asked him, "What is the audacity of humility?" Do you know what his answer was? "To be the first to say 'I love you."'

~ Father Theophane, Tales of a Magic Monastery ~

One of my favorite little-known movies is Secret Admirer, in which a teenage girl sends an unsigned love letter to a male friend she has a crush on. He guesses the letter is from another girl and sends a romantic reply to her. When the letter falls into his father's night-school accounting book, Dad surmises it was put there by his teacher, to whom he makes overtures. To retaliate, the boy's mom sets out to date the teacher's husband. You can imagine the web of convoluted relationships that unfurl in the wake of one unsigned note!

Finally, the girl who originally sent the letter despairs of ever receiving the boy's affection and sets off on an ocean voyage. Just as she's about to leave, the boy figures out the letter was from her and realizes he loves her, too. He speeds to the dock to try to stop her, only to find her ship making its way out of the harbor. At the top of his lungs, he shouts, "I love you!"

The girl shouts back, "I love you, too!" and each dives into the water to meet for a long-overdue kiss.

If we are unwilling to make a stand for our love, we create all kinds of aberrations and convolutions, until the universe forces us to tell the truth about who we are and what we feel. While it may seem safer to wait for someone else to say "I love you," we empower ourselves and bestow a great gift when we're willing to be the first one to say it. I tell many people, "I love you"—not just romantic interests, but friends, teachers, co-workers, and people I have a sense of kinship with. If I feel it, I say it. "I love you" does not have to mean romance or sex. It may just mean, "I love you," the three words that everyone wants to hear but not everyone is willing to say first. Be true to your heart, and you will not want for love.

Give me the courage to be a great lover.

I am powerful in my love, and I express it fearlessly.