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April 17

Step by Step

Today, if I have avoided honesty in a relationship that began while drinking but now is broken because I have become sober and the other person hasn’t, I must confront the possibility that I have out-grown the relationship if the other person chooses to keep drinking. Just like the drinking alcoholic who lost his family and gained sobriety but didn’t get his family back, so it goes with other relationships. As difficult and painful the decision, the choice may be that my own recovery and sobriety are at the risk if I stay with a partner who is not ready or willing to get sober. And an unfortunate and unintended product of sobering up may be the reality that I don’t like the spouse or partner with whom alcohol was the tie that binds. A tough choice may boil down to the fact that I can’t sacrifice my sobriety to salvage a relationship that, in recovery, may not be healthy. Today, if I have to end a relationship because I am becoming healthier and the other person isn’t, I need only to look to my sobriety for validation. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

SENSES

How good is man’s life, the mere living! How fit to employ all the heart and the soul and the senses forever in joy!

~ Robert Browning ~

Our senses are opened up and deepened in our recovery. We see, hear, smell, taste, and touch more strongly. We understand better. There is a beauty to life we could not see before.

We see order where once there was only confusion. We hear music where once there was only noise. We taste sweetness where once there was only bitterness. We smell freshness where once all was stale. We feel softness where once all was rough.

We seem to have changed into a higher form as a result of our Step work. We no longer feel like a wild animal caught in a hunter’s trap. We act more and more like human beings. We have an awareness of life that makes us capable of being creative.

I have come to see that the Twelve Steps are about the recovery of my whole person.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Discipline is remembering what you want.

~ David Campbell ~

Not everyone chooses recovery easily. We were attached to our addictions and codependency, even if we didn’t want their consequences. They were not only our masters; we were also loyal to them. They gave us comfort, pleasure, and a high that nothing else could match. So where did we find motivation to change?

Somewhere within our souls we longed for some-thing of greater quality. We didn’t want to sacrifice our future for the fleeting pleasures or false escapes. We saw that our actions were ruining our own lives and the lives of our loved ones. We always thought we would change someday, and even while our lives were careening out of control, we promised ourselves to change tomorrow or sometime in the future. It was our greater vision, our longing for a better life, that led us to try the Twelve Step recovery program. Out of wanting something better we found the motivation to enter recovery.

Today I know that deep in my soul lies a desire to be a good man.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

What thoughts are you willing to give up your happiness for?

~ Jane Nelson ~

Far too quickly we put the responsibility for our happiness on others. We pout and blame and cry, but our lives never change. This doesn’t have to be true, however. We can decide to follow the example of the happier women we are discovering in this Twelve Step program. The difference between them and us is their willingness to be responsible for every thought they have, every feeling they harbor. It’s a simple change in mind-set, but it affects every aspect of their lives.

We are just as capable of finding happiness as any of the women we have grown to admire here. They have taken back their power from the others In their lives. They let no one decide how they are going to feel or think about a situation. They take charge of themselves. It’s not all that difficult or there would be far fewer successes. Let’s try it today.

I can purposefully decide how I’ll think and feel today. No one else’s behavior will control my own.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I can’t help it, I’m changing

When I finally relapsed, I was despondent. I had done all I could do to stay abstinent and stable. I believed that since nothing had worked for me, nothing would work for me. I was tired of trying and tired of holding on. I gave up.

However, in giving up I learned an important concept: I cannot control change. As hard as I might try, I cannot stop change from happening. This makes me more willing to be patient, more willing to let time help the healing. Life is change. And though I may struggle and feel like a failure, I am in fact, changing. Being patient, holding on, is an important part of change.

Today I will do what I can for my recovery—and then let go.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

If I only see my mistakes,
I can’t stay sober very long.

~ Ben N. ~

Many of us review our days each evening just before sleep. This review can be a trial or a delight, depending on the focus. One way is to tote up only mistakes and errors, groaning about what we did wrong and how awful we are. What a self-defeating, depressing thing to do! Although we cannot live by bread alone, we cannot live by vinegar alone either. Looking at only the negatives can discourage us right into relapse. If we’re doing so badly, we reason, why continue with recoveiy?

Instead, we try concentrating on the good things we did, no matter how small. Did we make someone smile? Did we lighten someone’s burden with a kind word? Did we give a word of hope to a friend? Did we avoid a problem? Did we squelch an angry response? Did we forgive an enemy, eat a well- balanced meal, make amends to someone we had harmed in the past, go to a meeting, get a sponsor, tell the truth instead of making an excuse?

As small as they are, these are the real indicators of our progress in recovery. They are valid “good deeds” we can be proud of. When we review our day tonight, we can give ourselves the pat on the back we deserve. We’ve earned it.

Today help me be gentle with myself. Help me recognize the good things in my life.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

I don’t understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.

~ Sophia Loren ~

Two monks were walking when they came upon a woman waiting to cross a stream. One of the monks picked up the woman in his arms and carried her across the stream. The monks then resumed their walking. About a mile down the road, the other monk scolded the first. “We are celibate,” he said. “We are not supposed to even look at a woman, let alone pick one up and carry her across a stream. How could you possibly do that?” The first monk replied, “I put that woman down a mile back. Are you still carrying her around with you?”

Even though the past is gone, it brought you to where you are today. Without it, you would not be able to envision and work toward a better future. The Steps of the program teach that your past is an integral part of your recovery. You need to remember those you have harmed and make amends to them. You need to admit that your life was unmanageable. And you need to use the past as a platform from which you can seek forgiveness from your Higher Power.

Today I embrace and accept the past as a valuable teacher.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

Are we living in the present, or are we still reliving the past day? If we’re still looking backward, there are no surprises, no new wonders. It’s like viewing a television rerun – we already know the plot, the characters, and the dialogue.

Today is done. Whatever mistakes, confusions, disappointments or problems that occurred are also done. Nothing we do right now can alter the happenings of the day. We can best use our time now by paying attention to the present.

Tonight we can look around us at the here and now. We can turn off the reruns in our minds and get set for the new shows to come. We can start fresh and new – right now.

Can I let go of the events of the day?

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Struggling alone

Each of us is a struggling soul. We had to struggle with our addictions for some time before we found this program, and eventually each struggling soul must face the realities of life. If we face the trials of life alone, we will fall.

But if we make our will one with our Higher Power in the Third Step, nothing will be too much to bear. After taking this Step, we will realize that we are one with God and that we don’t have to struggle alone any longer.

Am I still struggling alone?

May I turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power.

The struggles I will ask God for help with today are

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

Happy for us if the grace of God enables us to live so that we retain innocency and freshness of character down to old age.

~ MARY ANN WENDELL ~

Newcomer

I’ve always been down on myself—that’s my problem. When I look at the Steps and see “searching and fearless moral inventory/’ “the exact nature of our wrongs,” and “defects of character,” the language seems so judgmental. It depresses me to think of myself in such negative terms.

Sponsor

Like you, I found certain phrases in the Steps off-putting at first. I changed them in my mind: for “wrongs,” I substituted “things I would like to have done differently”; for “defects,” I substituted “old habits and ways of reacting that I’d like to be free of.” I needed the gentlest possible approach; I’d been beating myself up for as long as I could remember.

The Steps aren’t asking us to blame or to punish ourselves. Many of us accept the idea that we inherited a predisposition for our addictions and that things that happened in our lives provided opportunities for addiction to take hold. Fortunately, recovery offers us the opportunity to see ourselves with clarity and compassion, to free ourselves to become the people we’ve always wanted to be. We can work the Twelve Steps with infinite gentleness and caring, for ourselves and for the truth.

Today, my compassion for myself opens me to the gentleness of the program.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

Loneliness drives more people to the Gin Mill than almost any other single factor – perhaps even the compulsion to drink.

In the old days when our society was objectionable to all our old friends, we would from sheer boredom go to the bar just to talk to someone. Anyone’s conversation was preferable to our thoughts. The drink was frequently only incidental.

Boredom is still one of our worst enemies. If you have an AA club, there is always some guy you can try to help. Regardless of your effect on him, the experience is bound to help you and will relieve you of your blues.

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~ WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG BOOK ~ (Official & Unofficial Sloganeering From the 12 Step Programs) ~

1) HOPE: Helping Open People’s Eyes

2) An action beats a feeling.

3) Doing one thing different, can make the difference.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

High Flight

Oh I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings,
Sunward I’ve climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds—and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of—wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there
I’ve chased the shouting wind along and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark nor even eagle flew.
And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

SEEING CHRIST IN OTHERS

We often hear the expression “saluting the Christ in him,” or “seeing the Christ in him,” and we may well ask ourselves what that phrase really means. It is simply the practical application of the rule of Jesus Christ.

Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgement (John 7:24)

Each of us has a divine Self that is spiritual and perfect but that is never seen on this plane. That is the true man, God’s man, and is what we sometimes call “the Christ within.” Now whenever you dwell upon or realize the presence of the Christ within yourself or within anyone else, outer appearances begin at once to improve. If somebody displeases you, silently salute the Christ within him. If someone says against John Smith’s character, salute the Christ in him, refuse to discuss the manner, and of course do not repeat it.

The more often you salute the Christ in others, the sooner you will find Him in yourself.

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Don’t Think

A man needs a little madness, or else he never dares cut the rope and be free.

~ Zorba the Greek ~

Are you really going to jump from there?” I asked Frank as he stood poised on a rock at the top of the waterfall. “Sure, it’s fun—you’re going to join me, aren’t you?”

I looked over the edge of the precipice. “I don’t know.”

“You’ll love it!” Frank exclaimed, and took a flying swan dive into the pool below.

I stood atop the ridge looking down, adrenaline shooting through my system. “Can I do this?” I asked myself. An inner voice replied, “Don’t think about it—just do it.” I gazed for a few more seconds and felt as if a big hand was nudging me from behind. So without further delay, I leaped—and loved it.

Somewhere inside me I knew that if I jumped, I would enjoy it, and I also knew that if I thought about it, I would not do it. Sometimes we have to override our reasoning mind and just go with the energy at hand. As I climbed back up to the top of the ridge, I wondered how many times I have used my mind to talk me out of doing things that would make me happy.

I am not suggesting that you do anything foolish or do something that would be injurious to you. The place of knowingness inside you is always giving you good advice. When your head is in a quandary and your heart says yes, follow your heart. Use your mind to empower you, not limit you. The heart without the head is chaotic, and the head without the heart is a tyrant. Break free of the tyranny of overthinking, and become as a little child. That is how you get back into heaven.

Raise the volume of my inner voice of truth, that I may walk the way appointed by wisdom.

I have a passionate delight for doing what is right.