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April 19

Step by Step

Today, feel gratitude that we have been given the gift to feel other than a hangover, the loss of focus and concentration, the fear of what we said and did last night but can’t remember, fear of promises we cannot keep. All else, feel the good and bad, grateful for the good and remorse and regret for the bad. And if we feel the need to cry, cry with the good and the bad, but will hold onto the good and use it as a stepping stone to tomorrow and ask the higher power to take from us the bad because we cannot hold onto it any longer. If we feel angry, feel it – then let go and let God. If we feel a resentment, we must not allow it to infect our today and threaten tomorrow. Instead, be grateful that we now have the choice to ask God to take from us else that we should not hold onto. With all that we feel, the good will outweigh the bad and, because it does, we have no reason to drink, no reason to use. Live and do not wallow in today. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

H.A.L.T.

H.A.L.T. = Don’t get too hungry, or too angry, or too lonely, or too tired.

~ Anonymous ~

The Fellowship has seen many men and women recover from very low and terrible bottoms. When the Steps are carefully worked, miracles can be expected. The lessons aren’t hard to understand. The signposts to a relapse are well marked. We can learn a lot from people who have fallen away from the Program.

Don’t get too hungry. When we are weak physically, it affects our spiritual life. When hungry, eat. We need to stay away from anger altogether. Anger is the breeder of resentments. We have been eaten alive by our grudges. Cool off. Loneliness makes us an easy mark for the many voices that tempt us away from the Program. When we feel loneliness coming on, we go to a meeting or use the phone. When we become tired, it is easy for us to remember the chemical pick-me-ups we relied on. When we’re tired, we need to rest.

Let me remember to eat the right foods, stay calm, use the Fellowship, and rest.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

When one door closes another door opens; hut we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.

~ Alexander Graham Bell ~

Change is a basic fact of life and with every change comes a loss. Even winning the lottery entails the loss of our life before the big win. During some periods of our life, we feel we are stuck and nothing changes, or we feel trapped in a situation we would love to change. Other times a change occurs that we would never choose, and we have to find a way to continue living with the new reality.

Coping with the closing and opening of doors is a fundamental spiritual matter. We are pilgrims on a Journey and much of what happens along our way is beyond our control. Today will bring some things that we did not expect and with the changes will be new possibilities that we did not expect. So we hold the spiritual attitude that while we cannot control what happens, we can choose how we will respond.

Today I pray for the spiritual vision to see the doors that open for me.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

I’m not very different from others. We all have dark days of fear and doubt, but it’s okay.

~ JoAnn Reed ~

The beauty of living a Twelve Step program is that we don’t have to dwell in the darkness ever again. We can be free of doubt over the smallest or gravest situations if we make the decision to turn our lives and will over to the care of a loving Higher Power. To receive this gift, all we need to do is ask for the help our Higher Power has promised.

We begin to feel grateful when we develop trust in the promises of this program. We knew fear and heartache all too well. Feeling, maybe for the first lime, real joy and freedom from incessant worry is no exhilarating, energizing, gratifying.

We are given only the knowledge and information we need for these twenty-four hours. But we can feel certain that the day will unfold according to the plan of our Higher Power. We have nothing to fear. This day will not be dark if we walk with our friends in this program and let God lead the way.

My day will be dark only if I shut out the light of my Higher Power. Through my faith and my friends I can know peace.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I don’t want to hurt myself anymore

I used to have painful episodes in which I would end up physically hurting myself. External events and internal thoughts would generate extreme distress, even rage. The only relief I could think of (surprising as it seems to me now) was to hurt myself. Somehow at the time, it helped.

These days, I am learning other ways to release my pain, to channel my rage. For one, I’m talking about my feelings with helpful people. For another, I’m hitting tennis balls (instead of myself). Now when I feel that intensity rise, I am less afraid and less at risk. I have choices.

If I ever feel self-destructive, I will practice one of the techniques I’ve learned to relieve the pain and soothe myself.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

Shame is the core problem of our time.

~ John Bradshaw ~

Guilt can help us. Shame can destroy us. If we feel guilty for stealing, the guilt is speaking to us about our behavior — stealing. But if we feel ashamed of ourselves, the shame speaks to us about me, the whole person. The more shame we feel, the more we feel we don’t deserve quality relationships, jobs, or sobriety. And we’ll probably undermine them all, usually without knowing it. Then we feel even more ashamed, and repeat the cycle.

Recognizing shame when we feel it can help us halt its destructive course. Sharing our feelings with a sponsor or friend can help us feel better. Thinking about when we felt ashamed in the past will help us identify patterns that we repeat because of shame. Shame thrives on secrets. Now we learn to talk about our feelings openly, and we learn we’re worth loving.

Today I will know in my heart that I’m not a shameful person. I am worthy of recovery.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

In his book Stairway to Success, Nido R. Qubein reports that a naval aviator once told him that many pilots die because they choose to stay with a disabled aircraft. He writes, “They preferred the familiarity of the cockpit to the unfamiliarity of the parachute, even though the cockpit was a deathtrap.”

Whenever you choose to remain with what is familiar, what you have previously tried, or what you already know does not work, you will continue to experience the same outcomes. After all, when you keep doing the things that have never worked with the expectation that things will turn out differently, you are setting yourself up for certain defeat.

Like the pilots, you may feel much safer staying in a familiar environment than by taking the leap and venturing out into the unfamiliar. But if you have not tried something before, how do you know it will fail? It is only when you leave what is familiar and try something you have never tried before that you have the greatest possibility for success. There will be times in your recovery when you simply must face your fears and take the leap.

Today I can feel fearful before I try something new, but I will try it anyway.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days

~ Ecclesiastes 11:1 ~

There are many conveniences in our lives today. Central heating, instamatic cameras, twenty-four-hour bank tellers, microwave ovens, and shop-by-mail catalogs are just a few of the creations that allow us more time to relax or do what we need to do.

But there are inconveniences, too, that require attention at awkward times. Inconveniences like bank machines that don’t work, or hair dryers that break, or airline flights that are delayed. Do we also see people as inconveniences? Perhaps our children need us at inopportune moments or fiamily get-togethers fall during stressful times. If we view such times as impositions, then no time will ever be convenient.

Yet the door we slam may well be the door that is slammed in our face when we are in need. Are we so important that we can’t devote a few minutes, a couple of hours, or an evening to someone who needs our attention, comfort, guidance, or companionship? The more we give, the more we shall receive.

Have I viewed people in my life as intruders? Can I learn to give a little to others?

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Using today’s tools

Are we becoming stuck in the “if onlys”? “If only I had more money.” “If only I were more attractive.” “If only my parents had listened to Dr. Spock.” The “if onlys” will get us nowhere. We would do better to think about what we have to work with today.

Do we remember that we are fortunate just to be alive? Are we grateful that, one day at a time, we are clean and sober? Do we keep in mind that we have at our disposal the Twelve Step program and all its tools? When we dwell in the “if onlys,” we get stuck in yesterday. But what we have to work with today are “today’s tools,” and if we use them well, we’ll have no need for the “if onlys.”

Am I using the tools I have today?

God, help me to recognize today’s tools and to become willing to use them.

The tools I will use today are

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

You can look at the past—but don’t stare.

~ FRANCIS BRADY ~

Newcomer

From what I hear, many people don’t write a Fourth Step inventory until a year or two after entering recovery. Some wait three, even four years. I’ve heard the expression “A Step a year.” Should I wait?

Sponsor

In the early days of AA, newcomers were guided through the Steps within a few days or weeks of getting sober. Many people were helped to a new, sober life that way. Over time, n more gradual approach has proved just as effective for newcomers in AA and other Twelve Step programs.

Today, those who are committed to staying in recovery have a great deal of fellowship support available. We have a proliferation of programs, many models of long-term experience in recovery, and large numbers of meetings to choose from. With all this support, some may choose to postpone Steps Four through Twelve, yet still manage to stay sober— though “a Step a year,” if taken literally, could be a prescription for endlessly postponing the joy of recovery. Honest self-examination is a necessary part of the process that leads to the waking up of our spirits. Why delay it?

For us, gentleness is essential in doing the Fourth Step. Our purpose is not self-punishment or humiliation. It’s letting go of the guilt and shame that led us to numb ourselves with addictive substances and behaviors. We can begin by keeping a Fourth Step file or index cards on which we list fears and resentments one or two at a time, as we remember them. Or we can use a gentle Step Four workbook. Because we trust that a Higher Power is part of our process, we don’t have to put off Step Four or hurry through it.

Today, I look at my past with honesty and compassion.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

All things in life are relative. Without night there would be no day; without evil there would be no good; without sorrow there would be no joy.

Drunk or sober, clouds will occasionally appear on the horizon but most of them will blow away. Storm will sometimes break upon us but if we are prepared we can ride it out and the rainbow will follow giving promise of better things ahead.

Yesterday’s rain enhances our pleasure in today’s sunshine.

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~ WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG BOOK ~ (Official & Unofficial Sloganeering From the 12 Step Programs) ~

1) Not asking for support is a sign of weakness.

2) HOW: Hang Onto Winners

3) Being an alcoholic does not give you the excuse to act alcoholically.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

There are two days I every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.

All of the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. YESTERDAY is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW with its possible adversaries, its burdens, its large and poor performance. TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.

TOMORROW’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds—but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW, for it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day . . . TODAY. Any person can fight the battle of just one day It is only when you and I add the YESTERDAY and TOMORROW that we break down.

It is not the experience of TODAY that drives people mad—it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY and the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.

LET US, THEREFORE, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME!

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven (Matthew 5:16)

The state of your soul is always expressed in your outer conditions and in the intangible influence that you radiate at large. There is a cosmic law that nothing can permanently deny its own nature. Emerson said: “What you are shouts so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” The soul that is built upon prayer cannot be hidden, it shines out brightly through the life that it lives. It speaks for itself, but in utter silence, and does much of its best work unconsciously. Its mere presence heals and blesses all around it.

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Guilt and Responsibility

Love and guilt cannot co-exist, and to accept one is to deny the other.

~ A Course in Miracles ~

While addressing a support group for cancer patients, I explained that we shape our lives by the thoughts and attitudes we hold. Illness is the universe’s way of getting our attention so we can realign our life with the perfect pattern we deserve. Because our thoughts and energies have a role in manifesting disease, we can facilitate healing by shifting our vision toward wholeness.

After the lecture, the sponsor angrily told me, “I didn’t like you making my people feel guilty for their cancers; they feel guilty enough as it is!” I was stunned. I had not said anything about guilt. To the contrary, my intention was to empower the patients to know that they were worthy of being healed and to open up to the possibility that they could take an active role in their healing.

The ego, which thrives on guilt, does not understand responsibility, for the separated mind cannot conceive of being at cause. Its very existence is built on the illusion of being an effect. The notion of creatorship threatens the ego’s platform of victimhood. Someone who feels guilty will fight the notion of responsibility, as the ego cannot see beyond the blame game. In the game of creative living, however, each of us has the power to manifest the world we choose, regardless of the worlds that others are choosing for themselves or would choose for us.

Guilt is debilitating, while responsibility is liberating. Guilt focuses on what you did in the past, while responsibility looks at how the choices you make now will affect your future. Guilt is shrouded with blame; responsibility empowers us toward greater possibilities. Guilt is emotional and implies sin; responsibility is reasonable and points toward laws of success. Guilt calls for punishment; responsibility calls only for correction.

We are all responsible. Let us reclaim our power to be healthy and live the lives we choose.

Help me release guilt forever and walk in the power with which You created me.

The power of life is in my hands. I choose to love and be whole.