[bluidkiti]

April 22

Step by Step

Today, stop running from regret, shame, guilt, loss and all other anguish that my drinking days evoked. I must come to terms and reconciliation with all of it. By taking each step with absolute honesty and the will of my higher power, I will look instead to the lessons to be learned from my actions that eventually pooled together to create the pain I may still carry. Regret and shame might be eased by the single strongest amend I can make: by not drinking today. I can release guilt by learning from the mistakes that bred it, and the sense of loss might be less if I can be grateful that I even had what I lost and accept that I might not have been ready to be responsible for what I had – and lost. Today, I work on weakening any pain not by confronting it but finding the comfort in it. But, in the end, if I deny or do not allow myself to feel and deal with the hurt, the good might not feel as good as it might otherwise. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

AVOIDING GOSSIP

Tale-bearers are as bad as the tale-makers.

~ Richard Sheridan ~

What we talk about, not whom we talk about, is one way we place principle above personalities and practice our 12th Tradition. At meetings and over coffee, it’s tempting to pass along things we hear about other people who share our recovery.

Before we gossip or find fault with others, wise members teach us to ask ourselves three questions: “Is it true?” “Is it kind?” and “is telling it important to help someone’s recovery?” If we can say “yes” to each question, we mustn’t repeat it. If a single word from us hurts someone else, our guilt could throw us back into addiction. Our gossip could cause someone else to lose faith in the Program, and throw them back into addiction.

I will not gossip. Let me talk about principles, not personalities.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order.

~ John Burroughs ~

In the Twelve Steps we see the term God several times. But from the program’s beginning, there have been atheists and agnostics using and valuing the Steps as their guide for life. Many men do not relate to a personal God. They do, however, experience the meaning and spirit of their group and the restoring powers of nature. That is why the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous included the phrase “God as we understood Him.”

Whether a personal God is real to us or not, nature is there for us as a healing and refreshing source. We don’t have to go on a major trip to the mountains or fishing in the wilderness to find this source. We find it in the sky, the clouds, and the magical moon; we find it in the intricate structure of a leaf, a massive tree in the park, or a wild bird visiting a feeder. There is no more clear evidence of the generous gifts that come unbidden than in nature. And we can rest in the Power greater than ourselves shown in creation and the forces of nature.

Today I will be soothed and healed by nature all around.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

In celebrating the good in me that was always there, I will continue to flourish.

~ Jill Clark ~

Dreading a Fourth Step is not unusual. We expect to confront nothing but numerous defects. However, we will also discover our assets. Our sponsors suggest that we need to acknowledge the good in ourselves to enhance it. Doing a Fourth Step inventory as part of our recovery will keep our assets fresh in mind.

If we put our mind to it, it’s not difficult to choose one asset each day and focus on it during our encounters with other people. Practice is how we get good at anything. It’s certainly no different when we focus on human behavior.

Maybe it seems phony to work at enhancing the good in ourselves. But let’s accept the wisdom of our sponsors. Their lives have improved. If practice has worked for them, it can work for us too.

Improving a small part of me at a time isn’t too much work. Cultivating my assets in this way promises that today will be good.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I am grateful for the telephone

I don’t know where my recovery would be without the phone. In just a few seconds I can get support from a sponsor, friend, or counsellor. I don’t have to feel isolated when I am near a phone. It is comforting and reassuring, especially when I’m having symptoms.

Although it’s not a face-to-face meeting (or a fellowship meeting), it is a powerful substitute that allows me to have a heart-to-heart talk with a caring person. It works well for me (especially when I’m too sick to get out). I am grateful that is available almost anywhere.

I will meditate today on my network of friends and on how (and when) I connect with them.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

He got the better of himself, and that’s the best kind of victory one can wish for.

~ Miguel de Cervantes ~

During active addiction, we were truly our own worst enemies. No one could have harmed us as much as we harmed ourselves. We were on a collision course with death, self-destructive and sometimes suicidal. It seemed we’d never get the better of ourselves. For most of us, the pain finally proved to be too much, and we began the first steps of change.

At first, we desperately held on to any anchor we could find, one day at a time, praying for the help we needed. Gradually, though, we found we could master our self-destructive urges. We began to choose people, places, and things more carefully. We began to appreciate the world around us in a new way. We learned a new respect for our body, mind, and spirit. We learned we very much wanted to stay here and be a healthy, happy part of the world.

We learned our weaknesses and strengths, and how to be gentle with our fragile selves. Now with the help of our Higher Power and our Twelve Step programs, we grow more confident and self-loving every day.

Today help me continue to grow in confidence and love.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.

~ Audre Lorde ~

There may be times when your emotions overwhelm you. You may wish you simply could not feel. But what would that mean—to live without any feeling? You would not feel sadness or happiness. You would not feel tired, and you would not feel refreshed and energized. You would not feel joy or love, or experience the unique connection between people. And you would not feel pride, confidence, compassion, or a whole range of feelings that add to the experience of living.

Feelings provide you with valuable information. Some of that information can be lifesaving. For example, the ability to feel physical pain helps you to avoid further in-jury. Other feelings are more subtle. Feelings of sadness give you information that there is something you need to grieve. When you feel fear, the message is that something or someone is causing you to feel cautious. When you feel love, you are urged to open your heart to another.

Without your feelings, you would not have any knowledge about yourself. You would have a life free of emotions, but your existence would be robotic. You would not be able to connect with anything or anyone, and your world would be silenced.

Today I will let my emotions teach me something about myself.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

The ladder of life is full of splinters, but they always pinch the hardest when we’re sliding down.

~ William L. Brownell ~

Climbing is usually difficult – shimmying up a tree, climbing stairs, moving up the corporate ladder, or moving ahead in school. All these actions involve effort and hard work and sometimes may not seem worth it for all the energy expended.

Yet if we failed a semester, lost a job, or fell down the stairs, we’d soon feel the effort was harder. The only payoffs we’d gain from such backward movement would be pain, loss, and abandonment. To pick ourselves up and start climbing again would require almost double the effort to regain the lost ground.

We need to keep moving upwards, keep reaching for the top. Keep on working toward higher goals, dreams, and ideals. It won’t be easy to constantly struggle to reach higher. But as long as we don’t look back or fall back, our lives will be filled with rewards. By moving ever upwards, we cannot fail.

There’s no going back to the pain and hurt. I need to keep moving up, up, up.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Repairing the damage

It really does not matter how much we used or drank. The important thing is what it was doing to us, how it was affecting our lives. The biggest cop-out for people with addiction has always been, “I’m not using as much as other people, so maybe I’m not chemically dependent.”

We couldn’t admit what using was doing to our lives, our families, and friends. It nearly destroyed us, but now we have a chance to repair the damage. If we are willing to accept ourselves and to turn our will and our lives over to our Higher Power, we can restore our lives.

Do I clearly see the destruction that my using caused?

Higher Power, help me today to accept my addiction and to stop using excuses to avoid the task of recovery.

One thing I will do today to begin repairing the damage caused by my using is

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

~ BENAZIR BHUTTO ~

Newcomer

I’ve been meaning to get started on the Fourth Step, but I just haven’t had enough time to myself.

Sponsor

Problems having to do with time are often about something else. If we’re procrastinating, usually it’s because we fear something.

For me, this fear is almost always the mistaken belief that I’m not worthy. I think that I won’t be able to do an adequate job or that others will devalue my efforts. And what if I’m a success? I may want success, but fear that I won’t be able to live up to the new, higher standards I’ll have set for myself.

If there’s something we want to do, we can find the time to begin it. Length of time is far less critical than consistency. For example, ten or fifteen minutes of writing every morning can add up to hundreds of pages in the course of a year. Whatever the project, we’ll probably find that we get more practiced and efficient as we go. As a result, the clarity of our vision and quality of our work will improve. Continuing our journey through the Steps will enhance the quality of our sober lives with greater freedom and self-esteem. We are worth it.

Today, I begin something I’ve been putting off.
I commit to continuing, a little bit at a time.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

When we take the first drink we invite the dead certainty of physical illness, untold sorrows, shame and degradation. That first drink has built more hospitals, jails, poorhouses and insane asylums than any other cause. All the drinks that follow are simply compounding the felony.

There are some people that can drink intelligently, but these people avoid difficulties. We are not in that class and experience has proven it. Years of sobriety will not enable us to join that class, and again, experience has proven it. Why do you persist in trying, what are you trying to prove? That you are the exception to the rule? If you are the exception you automatically become a freak.

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~ WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG BOOK ~ (Official & Unofficial Sloganeering From the 12 Step Programs) ~

1) Change your action; change your attitude.

2) No matter what predicament you find yourself in today, tomorrow can be different.

3) One Group, One Vote, One family

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they, too, have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at piece with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is stil a beautiful world. Strive to be happy.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

AS A MAN THINKETH

Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill.

For verily I say unto you, “Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled (Matthew 5:17-18)

A “jot” or yod was the smallest letter in the Hebrew alphabet, like the Greek “iota.” A “tittle” (really “little horn”) is one of those tiny spurs or projections that distinguish certain Hebrew letters.

The scribes and the Pharisees were for the most part worthy men leading strictly moral lives according to appearances. Their faults were the weaknesses of the religious formalist everywhere—spiritual pride and self-righteousness. Of these faults they were unconscious—that is the deadly malice of these diseases of the soul—but they did strive to fulfill the law as they understood it. Jesus knew this, and he gave them credit for it. Here he warns his followers that unless their practical conduct is better than that of these people, they need not suppose that they are engaged on the spiritual path.

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

A Better View of the Sky

Now that my house has burned, down, I have a better view of the sky.

~ Zen saying ~

I was startled to receive this letter from a successful Los Angeles artist: “During the recent fires, my house was leveled, along with my entire collection of paintings.” To my surprise, the next line read, “Now I am free! I am packing to go to the island of Kauai, where I will fulfill my lifelong dream of leading wilderness adventures.”

When an apparent disaster strikes and our life as we knew it is undone, it may be a blessing in disguise. The event could be clearing out an old pattern to make way for a new and more fulfilling life. See the situation not as a curse, but as an opportunity. The Chinese language character for crisis is a combination of two other symbols: danger and opportunity.

A Hawaiian gardener told me that gardeners in colder climates have an advantage over those in the tropics. The winter frost kills all microorganisms in the soil so that next spring’s crops are not subject to contamination from the previous year’s pests. Even when life seems frozen and desolate, growth and good are occurring behind the outer appearances.

In the Hindu religion, the god Shiva, ruler of destruction, is revered as much as Vishnu, the creator. The old must be cleared away to make way for the new.

Help me trust that changes beyond my control are working on my behalf.

I surrender to change and call it good. I release the old to make way for the new and better.