[bluidkiti]

April 24

Step by Step

Today, the link between consequences and responsibility – and an appreciation that I and I alone am responsible to the consequences of all my behavior and choices, including drinking, and that excuses and justifications will not spare me either consequences or responsibility. The program’s 12th step requirement to “practice these principles in all (my) affairs” implies that to live by AA’s principles I must not try to weasel out of owning my feelings, actions and behavior and the consequences of each. If, for example, I slip or relapse, I cannot blame anything but myself because, in the end, I made the choice to drink. No one tied me down and poured it down my throat, and I and no one else will endure the physical and emotional consequences of my choice to drink. Today, I am mindful that all I say, do and feel will bear consequences and that I alone am responsible to those consequences. And if I want to avoid responsibility for consequences, the “out” is clear: don’t do what I don’t want to be responsible for. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

FAMILY

The family is the association established by nature for the supply of man’s everyday wants.

~ Aristotle ~

The bond between us and our families becomes tighter in recovery. It’s not because they understand or appreciate us more. It’s because we understand and appreciate them more. We come to grips with our personal history in our Fourth and Fifth Steps. We are given a clearer point of view on all our relationships. We take more responsibility for what happens to our families, because we learn that we are more than just guiltless victims.

Our Eighth and Ninth Steps let us admit our part in family relationships and mend fences that have been torn down. Our family bonds become tighter because we know we’re forgiven. We ask to share that forgiveness with our loved ones.

All of us in our families are loved by our Higher Power. I don’t regret the fact that I can’t change the past. I rejoice that the future is open.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

You see the one that I am, not the one that I was. But the one that I was is also still part of myself.

~ Jean Amery ~

Our stories are central to our recovery. We tell them because they remind us where we came from. We live in the present moment, but our history is part of our identity. It isn’t the total of our identity, but it informs our healing. It’s the mine where we dig for the nuggets of wisdom for living today, and it gives us the drive and encouragement to continue our progress. We don’t tell our stories to wallow in the shame and guilt we felt or to gain sympathy for our suffering. And we don’t tell them to revel in the euphoria of the highs we experienced.

In telling our stories, others get to know us better because our history is part of our very selves. In that process, we cannot help but listen to ourselves speak the truth, and thereby we put together the puzzle pieces of our selves. Taking the risk of saying where we came from provides the rewards of feeling accepted by others.

I am grateful for telling my story and knowing that I am more than the man I once was.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

Be spontaneous but not impetuous.

~ Kay Lovatt ~

Responding to the rhythm of the moment often blesses us with unexpected opportunities. Living in the present moment, rather than in yesterday or tomorrow, gives us our only chance for real growth and for knowing God.

Acting too quickly, however, without thinking of potential consequences, can cause extra problems for us. Taking advantage of an opportunity before it disappears doesn’t mean acting thoughtlessly. Every circumstance we experience deserves a thoughtful reaction. When we rush to respond, we fail to hear our inner voice, which reflects our Higher Power’s guidance.

We waste time when we focus on the past or future. Why do we complicate our lives so much? Thoughtfully experiencing each present minute gives us the gifts and the growth we deserve.

I will return my attention to right now every time it slips into yesterday or tomorrow.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I can help myself by taking medication

I did not want to take psychiatric medication for three reasons: I didn’t want to admit the seriousness of my problem; I didn’t want to feel ashamed; I didn’t trust it.

For a long time I fought the idea—and then I hit a bottom. I realized that although counselling was helping, it wasn’t working fast enough. I didn’t have to keep suffering such intense and disabling feelings. I fear that if I didn’t get stable, I might need to be hospitalized. By taking prescribed medication, I saw that I would be taking good care of myself.

I will carefully follow my medication instructions and thank my higher power for this kind of help.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only where it is already disappearing.

~ R.D. Laing ~

Life can be like a fishbowl in which we swim round and round, chasing our own tails. When we become obsessed with a problem, we may get stuck in its pain and lose sight of the solution. The more we worry, the more we seem to fearfully project into the future. Fear has been described as Future Events Appear Real. As soon as we step out of today and into tomorrow, we invite fear to join us.

Living for today is the ability to stand back and be objective about what we can change and what we can’t. It is our acceptance of our own limitations and powerlessness. It is the wisdom not to bite off chunks of life too big for us to swallow in one day.

Living for today, we realize that this 24 hours, well-lived, will grow into happier tomorrows.

Today let me get out of tomorrow’s driver’s seat. Let me live in the present.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

I was thought to be “stuck up.” I wasn’t. I was just sure oj myself.

~ Bette Davis ~

Do you remember the children’s story about the little engine that could? By chanting “I think I can, I think I can,” the little engine succeeded in traversing a difficult line of tracks and was filled with pride.

Confidence is built by beginning any task with a frame of mind based on “I think I can.” Phrases such as “I should,” “I ought,” or “I might” are not confidence-building words because they express doubt in your abilities and leave the door open to the failure you are likely to expect. Know that you may not always succeed on the first try, but what you learn from that attempt is not failure. Rather, you gain knowledge on how you can approach the task again, and come closer to achieving success.

Remember that the greatest challenge in your life has been entering a program of recovery. You are like the little engine that could—and did. Each day you are clean and sober, you have lived by the words “I think I can.” Continue to build your confidence by remembering what it took to get to where you are right now. With this confidence, you can get to where you need to go.

Each day I build confidence in my abilities to face and conquer challenges.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

Being sorry for myself is a luxury I can’t afford.

~ Stephen King and Peter Straub ~

We have surrounded ourselves with many luxuries to enhance our lives; microwave ovens, color televisions, clothes, jewelry, and so on. We may have purchased these items even if we couldn’t really afford them – just as long as we could have them and use them.

Some of the things that are also important to us are our negative emotions: depression, sell-pity, selfish-ness, ungratefulness, or anger. But what if we had to pay for the luxury of feeling each of these feelings? Would we be able to afford a week of self-pity? An hour of anger? Or several minutes of selfishness?

The value we place upon the material things in our lives can also be placed on the emotions we feel each day and night. Our positive emotions can enrich us, but our negative emotions will leave us in debt.

Am I rich enough to waste time feeling sorry for myself? How can I use my resources wisely?

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Dealing with daily problems

For many of us, chemicals were an escape from the trials of the world. We deeply resented them and earnestly sought escape. Simply getting clean and sober did not wipe away all our problems. Now, however, we have an opportunity to deal with them constructively.

If we do not take that first pill, drink, or fix, our problems can be solved, and stumbling blocks can become stepping stones to a better life.

Am I learning how to deal with daily problems?

Higher Power, I pray to accept my daily problems and for your help in dealing with them.

One thing I will do today to deal constructively with my problems is

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

There but for the grace of God go I.

~ OLD SAYING, SOURCE OF A PROGRAM SLOGAN ~

Newcomer

I hear some people talk about the truly terrible depths they sank to when they were active in their addictions. That’s not me, though. I’ve always had a roof over my head. The bills got paid. I always got to work on time and did what I was supposed to do. I feel sorry for anyone who’s gone through such debasing experiences, but I don’t really relate to them.

Sponsor

Those who have lost everything and then entered recovery are blessed with clarity. They don’t have to entertain doubts about where addiction can bring us—any of us. If we persist in addiction, we will lose health, home, friends, reputation, work, purpose, and soul. I learn from listening to their stories what extremes my addiction is capable of taking me to if I go back to using.

Addiction is often called a disease of denial. No addict wants to admit to having an addiction. I clung to my excuses like a life raft. If I met certain minimum requirements of work and civilized behavior, I could rationalize away the thought that I had a problem. I functioned more or less adequately in spite of my addiction. This fact fed my denial and postponed my surrender.

Many of us carry our denial into recovery. Some days denial rears its head more insistently than others. The best medicine for denial is to listen with an open mind, to identify with others’ feelings, and to share our own memories of active addiction.

Today, I honor my urge for healing. As I listen to others in recovery, I identify with the feelings they share.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

The reasoning of the practicing alcoholic is in such foul shape that he is apt that he is apt to take any attitude on the drinking question and usually does.

It is unreasonable to expect them to view their own or anyone else’s sobriety in a rational way. Naturally plain common sense is not possible in the midst of an alcoholic fog, but why – oh, why do so many practicing alcoholics, including slipees, invariably persist in looking for the most insecure member of AA in their quest for a drinking partner?

If you are homesick for the gutter, go on back to it, but don’t take anyone with you.

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~ WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG BOOK ~ (Official & Unofficial Sloganeering From the 12 Step Programs) ~

1) HOW: Honest, Open-minded and Willing

2) Courage is fear in action.

3) Our lives become so different once we learn to magnify our blessings the way we do our troubles.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

The Letter

Dear Friend,

How are you? I just had to send a note to tell you how much I care about you.

I saw you yesterday as you were talking with your friends. I waited all day hoping you would want to talk to me too. I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you—and I waited. You never came. It hurt me, but I still love you because I am your friend.

I saw you sleeping last night and longed to touch your brow, so I spilled moonlight upon your face. Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you! You awoke and rushed off to work. My tears were in the rain.

If you would only listen to me! I love you! I try to tell you in blue skies and in the quiet green grass. I whisper it in leaves on the trees and breathe it in colors of flowers, shout it to you in mountain streams, give the birds love songs to sing. My love for you is deeper than the ocean, and bigger than the biggest need in your heart!

Ask me! Talk to me! Please don’t forget me. I have so much to share with you!

I won’t hassle you any further. It is your decision. I have chosen you and I will wait.

I love you. Your friend,

God

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

STRIVING FOR PERFECTION

What of the man who is conscious of considerable moral imperfection, perhaps of the habit of grave sin, and is at the same time sincerely desirous of spiritual growth? Is he to relinquish the quest for spiritual knowledge until he has first reformed his conduct? By no means. As a matter of fact any attempt to improve himself morally without spiritual aid is foredoomed to failure. The thing to do is to pray regularly and to throw the responsibility for success upon God. The man must carry on, no matter how many times he may fail. Let him keep affirming that God is helping him, and that his own real nature is spiritual and perfect. In this way moral regeneration and spiritual unfoldment will go hand in hand. The Christian life does not require that we possess perfection of character, or else, which of us would be able to live it? What it does require is honest, genuine striving for that perfection.

. . . he that is perfect in knowledge is with thee (Job 36:4).

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Nothing to Protect

Tour days are short here; this is the last of your springs. And now in the serenity and quiet of this lovely lace, touch the depths of truth, feel the hem of heaven.

~ Adlai Stevenson ~

When my mother was undergoing chemotherapy, she lost her hair. At first she joked about it, but then she became self- conscious and bought a wig, which she wore at all times. During the final weeks of her life, she was too ill to care about how she looked, and she renounced the wig. I felt jarred to see her without hair, and yet in my heart I applauded her for going beyond her concern for appearances. She was finally free.

Children and older people are the most honest because they have no investment in the games other people believe they have to maintain. The elderly and the very young do not have a vested interest in power, money, sex, prestige, status, and appearances. They are trying not to change the world or get a lot from it. They can tell the truth without fear of losing. Their delight in being what they are far outweighs any glitter the world may offer.

Some of the greatest wisdom is uttered by the young and the elderly. While we usually notice children’s jewels, often we overlook the wisdom of the aged. One of the great tragedies of our culture is that we do not respect our ancestors. By not doing so, we dishonor the elderly who live among us, and we hurt ourselves by missing out on the wisdom and blessings they have to offer. My Japanese friend told me that every Oriental home has a place of honor for the family’s ancestors. The family prays and makes offerings daily to the memory of their forebears.

Let us learn from the young and the old, that we may be as free as they are and rise above the distractions of the years in between. Is anything really worth compromising the truth? Let us bless our young and elders for the wisdom and legacy they impart.

I pray to keep the flame of truth burning above all other desires.

In the truth I am free.