Approval Seeking:
This seemed to be my whole reason for being and what tore me apart. I was so fragmented when I got into recovery. I tried to please everyone, and there wasn't enough 'me' to go around. Every time I picked up, whether it was alcohol, pills, or got into a relationship looking for that approval, I lost a piece of me.
I was always going outside of myself for the validation and approval because I could never seem to find it within myself. There was always something lacking and left wanting and a lot of it stemmed from old tapes, not just listening and remembering them, but playing them over and over again.
It was good to find recovery and learn that I could make new ones. It was even better to find that I could press erase instead of rewind and play over the old tapes, ever mindful, that it was me that had the freedom of choice as to whether I pushed the fast forward or replay buttons.
I don't want to look like this any more. I want to be whole and complete within myself.
Again, I was using people, places and things to make me feel better instead of looking to the God of my understanding, and making things right with my God and through my God, finding the goodness within myself.
