Quote:
"There's a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use," said one recovering woman. "The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing."
It's imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.
Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.
Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people's best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.
We don't have to let others count on the fact that we'll always feel guilty. We don't have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt - earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another's issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.
Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.
- Source unknown to me
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This was like looking into a mirror and had to make sure I didn't write it. It was posted by a friend on another site. Not sure if she wrote it or copied and pasted it from some unknown source.
A long-timer told me that next to resentments, guilt is right up there at the top of the list as to why some people relapse. In my case, it sure can be a mental relapse and thankfully, hasn't been a physical one although last night I had a drinking dream which is a good indicator for me. I have had thoughts of going to a meeting but don't feel safe going at night with my walker. I am going to have to find a solution.
I often feel guilty about not getting out to more meetings.
When it comes to my son and his addiction, I use to feel guilty. It isn't something that was easy to let go of, knowing that he is a product of his environment and he was raised in a dysfunctional family with a grandfather, a mother and a step-father who were all alcoholics. Like me, he didn't learn the best coping skills. I know I did the best I could and in a lot of ways, he was just as much of a focus in my life as my disease. Wanting for him what I never had for myself. Some of it was false guilt, but for the most part it wasn't. Guilt is a feeling like everything else and had to ask for the healing of it.