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Old 01-12-2018, 06:41 AM   #12
bluidkiti
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January 12

Feels Like War

In the contours of his man-face, I still see my own son. The jaw, the nose, the spacing of his eyes. But I know not to be fooled by the familiar façade: I already know there's somebody else who's living inside. I've been doing battle with this invisible stranger, trying to fight the beast that has wriggled itself underneath my son's skin, but I am so very weary because it often feels like I'm battling against him. And sometimes when looking into the face of my child, I'm swayed into feeling like I'm on the wrong side.

I want my son to know whom I'm fighting for.

I want my son to know whom I'm fighting against.

And I want my son to know why.

I want my son to know that I want him to win. I want him to live. I want him to come on home. I want my son to know that even though I'm so very weary from this fight, I won't give up. For him.

My child has no idea how hard it is for me to constantly wage war against an invisible enemy-a disease-in what feels like a war against him. He has no idea the toll it takes, hating the addict and loving the son.

You are reading from the book:

Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson
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"No matter what you have done up to this moment, you get 24 brand-new hours to spend every single day." --Brian Tracy
AA gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves, with God's help, one day at a time. --Rufus K.
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. --Franklin D. Roosevelt
We stay sober and clean together - one day at a time!
God says that each of us is worth loving.
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