More Recovery Readings - April

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April 27

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Crying only a little bit is no use. You must cry until your pillow is soaked. Then you can get up and laugh. . . . --Galway Kinnell
Many of us were raised to deny our feelings; that is, we might have been allowed to describe them politely, but we were not allowed to express feelings on the spot by wailing, jumping for joy, or dancing. This is often considered rude. In a proper home, we often hear, if people have feelings, they have them quietly. But many of us have suffered living this way.
We need a full and thorough expression of a feeling in order to know it, experience it, and move beyond it. This is the way we let go of sadness, for instance.
Feelings come and go. If we are not afraid to let them have their moment, we will not be afraid to express them.
What am I feeling right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Fine friendship requires duration rather than fitful intensity. --Aristotle
Once we have embarked upon this program, we find spiritual recovery through relationships more than any other single factor. We find it through relationships with other people, with ourselves, and with our Higher Power. But most men in recovery need to learn how to be in a relationship. We have to give up ideas that a friendship is an intense connection or a conflict-free blending of like minds.
A meaningful friendship is a long-term dialogue. If there is conflict or if we make a mistake or fail to do what our friend wants of us, we don't end the friendship. We simply have the next exchange to resolve the differences. Our dialogue continues over time, and time - along with many amends - builds the bond. With it develops a deepening sense of reliability and trusting one another. When we have lived with our friend through many experiences - or with our Higher Power - we gain a feeling that we really know him or her in a way we could never have in a brief intense connection.
Today, I will do what I need to do to be reliable in my friendships.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
So much to say. And so much not to say! Some things are better left unsaid. But so many unsaid things can become a burden. --Virginia Mae Axline
The occasions are many when we'd like to share a feeling, an observation, perhaps even a criticism with someone. The risk is great, however. She might be hurt, or he might walk away, leaving us alone.
Many times, we need not share our words directly. Weighing and measuring the probable outcome and asking for some inner guidance will help us decide when to speak up and when to leave things unsaid. But if our thoughts are seriously interfering with our relationships, we can't ignore them for long.
Clearing the air is necessary sometimes, and it freshens all relationships. When to take the risk creates consternation. But within our quiet spaces, we always know when we must speak up. And the direction will come. The right moment will present itself. And within those quiet spaces the right words can be found.
If I am uncomfortable with certain people, and the feelings don't leave, I will consider what might need to be said. I will open myself to the way and ask to be shown the steps to take. Then, I will be patient.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Letting Go of the Need to Control
The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self enhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems. --Codependent No More
Letting go of our need to control can set others and us free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us.
If we weren't trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently?
What would we do that were not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say?
What decisions would we make?
What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes?
If we weren't trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control another persons behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?
What haven't we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we've been doing that wed stop?
How would we treat ourselves differently?
Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better?
If we weren't trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, and then do it.
Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren't trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set others and myself free.


Today I choose to accept live on life's terms...all of it. I am open to all I see, hear, think and feeling the moment, without resistance. I am opening to be fully alive and enjoying the adventure. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Love Sets Others Free

One of love’s most challenging lessons is freedom.

Much of my life I thought love meant restraint. I couldn’t do this if I loved you. You wouldn’t do that if you loved me. Certainly there are times when love asks us to make choices. But love doesn’t limit, it doesn’t confine, as I once believed.

Love brings with it the gift of freedom. Love teaches us to allow the person we love to do as he or she chooses. It teaches us to encourage the people we love to freely make their own choices, to seek their own path, to learn their lessons their way in their own time.

Love that restrains isn’t love. It’s insecurity. We may tell others how we feel about something they do or don’t do. We may make decisions as a reaction to others choices. That is our right and our responsibility. But to restrain another in the name of love doesn’t create love, it creates restraint.

Love means each person is free to follow his or her own heart, seek his or her own path. If we truly love, our choices will naturally and freely serve that love well. When we give freedom to another, we really give freedom to ourselves.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Stop reading between the lines

Chelsea dated Tom for five years. During the course of those years, Tom told Chelsea that he didn’t want a serious relationship, and she shouldn’t get serious about him. Chelsea didn’t like what she heard. She thought Tom must care about her, because their times together were so good and because he kept coming back to see her.

Whether Tom was being manipulative isn’t the issue. Whether he was keeping a door open for himself isn’t the issue. The issue is, Chelsea wasn’t believing what Tom said– until he left her for someone else.

Yes, sometimes people are coy. Yes, sometimes people are reluctant to get involved. But if people tell you they feel a certain way, don’t read between the lines. Take them at face value. Correct your behavior to match the reality of the situation, not the fantasies in your mind.

Take people at face value. Say what you mean in your dealings with others, so they can take you at face value,too.

God, help me make a practice out of facing, dealing with, and accepting the truth.

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In God’s Care

The presence of faith is no gaurantee of deliverance from times of distress and vicissitude but there can be a certainty that nothing will be encountered that is overwhelming.
~~William Barr Oglesby Jr.

We’ve all experienced times so seriously troubling that we feared for our sanity: the loss of a job, divorce, or the death of a loved one. And in each instance we learned that the more we relied on our Higher Power’s support, the less we stumbled and the more we could allow ourselves our grief and get on with our life, perhaps even stronger and wiser than before.

Facing our addictions and working our program won’t guarantee that our future will be free of struggles. Everyone has to live through difficult times, some of us more than others it seems. But we needn’t sacrifice our serenity and security through these times as long as we let God share them with us. It’s such a relief knowing that nothing has to overwhelm us as long as we remember to let God shoulder the burden we’re carrying.

Whatever happens today will trouble me less if I let God handle it.

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You Are Who You Are, Not What You Do
Becoming Your Wrong Decisions

Our perception of the traits and characteristics that make us who we are is often tightly intertwined with how we live our life. We define ourselves in terms of the roles we adopt, our actions and inactions, our triumphs, and what we think are failures. As a result it is easy to identify so strongly with a decision that has resulted in unexpected negative consequences that we actually become that "wrong" decision. The disappointment and shame we feel when we make what we perceive as a mistake grows until it becomes a dominant part of our identities. We rationalize our "poor" decisions by labeling ourselves incompetent decision-makers. However, your true identity cannot be defined by your choices. Your essence—what makes you a unique entity—exists independently of your decision-making process.

There are no true right or wrong decisions. All decisions contribute to your development and are an integral part of your evolving existence yet they are still separate from the self. A decision that does not result in its intended outcome is in no way an illustration of character. Still, it can have dire effects on our ability to trust ourselves and our self-esteem. You can avoid becoming your decisions by affirming that a "bad decision" was just an experience, and next time you can choose differently. Try to avoid lingering in the past and mulling over the circumstances that led to your perceived error in judgment. Instead, adapt to the new circumstances you must face by considering how you can use your intelligence, inner strength, and intuition to aid you in moving forward more mindfully. Try not to entirely avoid thinking about the choices you have made, but reflect on the consequences of your decision from a rational rather than an emotional standpoint. Strive to under! stand why you made the choice you did, forgive yourself, and then move forward.

A perceived mistake becomes a valuable learning experience and is, in essence, a gift to learn and grow from. You are not a bad person and you are not your decisions; you are simply human. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

Am I so sure I’m doing everything possible to make my new life a success? Am I using my capabilities well? Do I recognize and appreciate all I have to be grateful for? The Program and its Twelve Steps teach me that I am not the possessor of unlimited resources. The more I do with them, the more they will grow — to overshadow and cancel out the difficult and painful feelings that now get so much of my attention. Am I less sensitive today than when I first came to The Program?

Today I Pray

May I make the most of myself in all ways. May I begin to look outward to people and opportunities and wonderful resources around me. As I become less ingrown and understand myself better in relation to others, may I be less touchy and thin-skinned.l May I shrug off my old “the world-is-out-to-get-me” feeling and see that same world as my treasure-house, God-given and boundless.

Today I Will Remember

My resources are unlimited.

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One More Day

Solitude: A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.
– Joan Billings

We probably recognize our need for solitude in our lives — private time when we can sit and think, or listen to music, or simply enjoy the quiet. When solitude becomes a way of life, however, it can lead to loneliness, and loneliness can lead to self-pity. This is a dangerous position.

We tread a real tightrope with our need for solitude. We need to be alone, but not isolated. In our solitude, we can find serenity through meditation and prayer. Once we are re energized, it will be easier for us to balance our lives by inviting a friend into our home or reaching out to another who is in pain. Solitude encourages us to turn our backs on loneliness and to reach out to others once again.

I will not impose a sentence of solitary confinement upon myself. I am still a valuable member of society.