Sharing and Caring

[MajestyJo]

Sorry, had plans to do some posting, but things are catching up to me. Horns have been honking, people yelling outside my apartment, car alarms going off, plus many other sounds that has got my head a buzzin'.

I woke up with no pain and now I am hurting from top to toe, so it is time to call it a night.

Not much is happening with me, although I am hurting in the moment, I have been feeling better. I have been take time out to work on some of my issues and my stuff that needs to be addressed.

[MajestyJo]

Just Breathe

In with the new, out with the old, a time honoured way of letting go. So easy said, but often forgotten, especially when we are caught up in the moment.

Just remind yourself to just breathe.



Surrender is such a big part of my recovery. I have to surrender my thoughts, my problems, my joys and my very being over to the God of my understanding.

It is only by surrender that I am empowered to do what I need to do for myself on a daily basis. Of myself I am nothing, but through Him, I can become all things.

[MajestyJo]

Wrote this in April 2005. I am so grateful that ACoA allowed me to look at myself and helped me to get honest and get rid of the blame game and the shame role I played for so many years.

It was great to find that I was no longer alone and not unique in my disease but unique in my journey to get to the doors of recovery. We all get here through different routes and when we get here the goal is the same. It is ironic that according to some people, I did things in reverse. Most people go to ACoA only to find that they have inherited their disease or if you will, which I think is closer to the truth, we were products of our environment. Not everyone chooses the same path as our alcoholic/addict relatives and their drug of choice but often find our outlet through other substances like relationships, work, food, etc.


How grateful I was that I had found AA before I went to Adult Children of Alcoholics. I would have stayed in my blame game.

If I hadn't gone to AA first, I would have remained in my denial a lot longer and may never have entered into the rooms of recovery for myself.

At my first meeting, it was like "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, which of us hurts the most of all!" I identified so much with what people shared, but I know that I would have taken it as an affirmation of my using, rather than the fact that I was a product of my environment.

My father was an alcoholic, my mother died as a result of her overeating, and I became an alcoholic and addict. In today, thanks to recovery, I know that they are not to blame, that I made my own choices, and that when I made the choice to stop, I couldn't, without the rooms of recovery. I could stop, but I couldn't stay stopped.

Justification and rationalization darn near killed me, it kept me sick and in denial for a long, long time. I need to always remember that for every finger I point toward someone, some place, some thing, I have three fingers coming back at me.

I was so grateful that I found out that alcohol wasn't the problem, it was but a symptom of my disease. My problem was an obsessive compulsive mind, a disease of perception, and one of denial that told me I was just "fine" and it was everyone else who had the problem not me, and if everyone just did what I thought they should, or acted the way that I knew the good Lord intended them to act, and if they would just not annoy me, and they would do as I say, then everything would just be just grand! LOL.

Sounds good in the telling, but in reality it is really sick! Thank God for the rooms of recovery and a second chance at life. Thank you for the gift of self-honesty and the gift of forgiveness and grace. One day at a time, I do get better. I will always have the alcoholic thinking I believe. Recovery is about what am I going to do about it. In today, it is called change and freedom of choice.

I found that so much of my thoughts and actions were based in my past. I had to fear at 6 years old. Thoughts and feelings were never discussed and I didn't know how to deal with them.

[MajestyJo]

God is just a whisper away!

"When you've fallen flat on your back, with no where else to go, look up--
God is always just a whisper away!"

---unknown

My son has asked me to recognize the man behind the addiction. He may have not grown up and he certainly does some things I don't like, but that doesn't mean I don't like him or love him.

I don't agree with the quote. For me it is "Look within" because recovery always begins with me. My Higher Power is no longer out there, a distant being, busy making the world go round. My Higher Power is the Spirit of God that I think resides in each of us when we surrender and ask for His help. I thought God was up there too and it was easy to keep Him out of my life when I could so easily detach.

I have lived with alcoholism for 60+ years. I remember seing my father drunk for the first time when I was 8. I am still living with myself and as a woman said many years ago in Al-Anon, "People ask me why I still go to Al-Anon because my husband has been dead for 20 years. She says, "It is easy, I still have to live with me." I haven't lived my alcoholic husband for 29 years. Yet a lot of my actions in today, are a result of healing from the actions and reactions of that marriage.

My poor son never had a chance. Living with an alcoholic grandfather, step-father, genes of a sex addicted father and an alcoholic mother who became an addict. I don't know if it is in the genes or not. We often are products of our environment.

Acceptance, boundaries, detachment, unconditional love, forgiveness and compassion are all tools this program has given me. That is why I come here to share. For me it is the five As of change: awareness, admittance, acceptance, action and attitude. Once I start the process, it keeps unfolding to new awareness, admitance, acceptance, action and attitude.

It isn't about the addict in my life. It is about me and my attitude. An attitude of gratitude for my sobriety (soundness of mind) helps me to stay balanced and centered and when I am connected to the God of my understanding chaos and turmoil is short lived. It may come again, and generally does, but with his help, I can handle it. Serenity doesn't mean that I have no challenges in my life, it just means that peace is there when I choose to go there when I need a harbour from the storm.

I do like the title. I don't have to go far. God is there! A whisper gets His attention. Just the other day I became aware that I wasn't flooding 'heaven' with prayer for my son and other people in my life. I pray and leave him there. Something new will happen, and I will renew the prayer, mainly asking that God talk to His God to see that he gets what he needs. It isn't about what I want and I think he needs. He has his own Higher Power. I would have had him clean and sober a long time ago. My way doesn't work!

That is why it is God as we understand Him, and why the program fits everyone. When I went to my first Al-Anon meeting, I was told I was a double winner. Sure didn't feel like one! Today I feel like I have been blessed for sure. There is no excuse for bad behavior, especially in myself. I can't project my values and disciplines on someone else. Sometimes they are not capable of meeting my expectations, other times they have their own, other times, I can't meet my own, so who am I to say, although I keep trying for some reason. I can't save the world but as you say, I can make my space safe!

I chose not to live with my alcoholic husband. I chose not to live in the insanity. My son is in my life and will probably always be there. It depends on him as to how often he is allowed or chooses to come in the door. He knows what I consider acceptable behavior and what is not. I don't think he would be around if I didn't have the health issues I have. He feels he needs to take care of me. The same way it was a role reversal when I was using and before I came into recovery.

He is walking the line right now. He has talked suicidal for years. I pray he chooses recovery. I have decided to enjoy him while I have him. If he keeps doing what he is doing, he won't be around much longer. He will die or he will move away because he blames the city for the troubles in his life. He is still working, after all that is using money. Although it is surprising how many people are around who I thought would have been dead long ago, still hang on to that life string. Guys who were in the program, who use to live in my building years ago, still manage to make it to the Liquor Store for 10 a.m. every morning.

This disease is mental, emotional, spiritual and physical in nature. I too had that void. I had to learn to fill it up with spiritual things. There was no 'me' left and my drug of choice whether it was a pill, alcohol or a man, left me feeling nothing. I had to build a relationship with my Higher Power. I always knew what and who God was from my religious upbringing. I had to make God personal. My religious God didn't stop me from becoming an addict. I taught Sunday School. I knew who God was! Wrong! I knew who other people said God was. I had to find God for myself. I started a spiritual quest. Everywhere I went I found God. Everywhere I went, I took me with me. Everywhere I went, God was with me and I could find God in all things. There are times God had to use more than a whisper to me. As I have stated before, sometimes I had to be hit over the head with a spiritual cast-iron frying pan. That wasn't God, that was me shutting Him out.

I still do look up! Generally it is with a "God help me! How did I manage to get myself in this spot!" When I look up, I have forgotten to look within and was trying to manage my own life. I have always like the expression, "I am a spiritual being having an earthly experience."

The nice thing is I can see from both sides of the fence. The willingness has to be there before the healing takes place. I had wilfulness and won'ts, but no will power, but that isn't how this program works. ...not my will, but Thine be done. As I have often stated, I have had to pray for the willingness to be willing over the years. He has given me freedom of choice. It is what I do with those choices that matter in today.

That is why I love the title. It is a simple concept but so easy to forget when you are caught up in the moment!

[MajestyJo]

How do you handle the problems in your life? Do you obsess
and blow problems out of proportion? Remember, It’s all in your head!

That was what I was told for years. I tend to take exception to that. When I was finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia it gave a reason for why I thought and acted the way and gave me validation as to who I was. For many years I looked outside of myself for it, today I don't need to affirm my worth through others. Even after the diagnoses, some doctors said that fibro was all in your head and it took a long time to get some validation that it was a rehabilitating disease.

Alcoholism is the same. It was certain my disease talking and directing my path for many years. In today I know I don't have to walk there and with a daily walk with the God of my understanding, I trust Him to give me the awareness, knowingness and perception I need one day at a time. Sometimes, I think I see too much. Then I have a problem with keeping my mouth shut and not blabbing it about. I try to respect others and allow them to find their own way. They don't need my two cents added to their already chaotic mind.

It always amazes me how two people can see the same thing and get different messages. It is even more mind boggling when you introduce a topic at a meeting and you get several viewpoints and experiences about what at first seems to be the same thing, and yet can be so different. It was very humbling to me in early recovery to hear my thought coming out of the mouth of others. So many times I thought I was the only one. It wasn't all in my head. It was in other people's head and heart too.

Several years ago at a meeting a guy said, "Some people talk from their head instead of their heart." I went to my sponsor afterward and said "I think he was talking about me." She said, "That is alright, if you were, then that is where you are at in the moment." I remember being so upset. I was about 2 years sober and was trying so hard to work the program and little did I know at the time, I had so much healing to do and I had only touched the tip of the ice burg.

I can see my obsession in little ways. Not so much about the past, but in little things in today. I will see something I would like to buy or eat and the thought will stay with me until such a time as I can turn it over and ask for help to have it taken away or until I go out and by that sweater, until I go have some Chinese food or have that double mushroom pizza. Sometimes if I can't afford to go to do the Chinese food in a restaurant I will make my own version. I have found that when I have turned things over I have been approached by a friend who donates to the cause. I might not get the sweater I looked at but may end up with three instead. A several times different friends have asked whether I would be offended if they offered me their clothes they can no longer fit into, their mother's who has passed away and they are cleaning out her closet, a bridge partner who was 90 and dying and losing weight and I really appreciate the reminders of her. They may not be new but they were new to me.

I have always been told to look for the postive in things. It is always there if you look for it. I have good and not so good memories of my parents. I have never hated them. There were times that I resented their actions over the years but thanks to the program they are healed. I had abandonment and rejection issues too, and yet for every negative, there are positive attributes. My mother may have been strict in some ways but she instilled so good values in me. My father helped me financially on several occasions and allowed my son and I to stay with him. That has positive and negative repercussion but on the whole I was the one who profited.

The Big Book says, "We will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it." That is true for me, and just because I can go back there and look at it, it doesn't mean I have to bring it into today. I can share the experience with others, share the lesson learned and I feel each time I do, a little more healing occurs. When something happens in today that is a direct result of the past, the program gives me the tools to deal with it. I can't change the past, but I can learn from it and I can change the patterns and behaviors that no longer serve me in today. I can heal the feelings but I can't do that by ignoring them and shutting them down or off. Ignoring something never made things right and doesn't make for reality but an illusion of "Hey, I am just fine!" or a control issue that says "I can handle this." I can't pretend things didn't happen to me but as long as I aware of them, acknowledge them, accept them; I can take the action to change my attitude or change my attitude to take action which will allow me to heal and change.


I have been blessed in so many way, I can not begin to count. I don't try to tally the score but try to pass them on to others. It isn't about he did this, she did that any more. It isn't about what and who I was in the past but who I am in today.

In my head for so many years were the tapes that I wasn't worthy, that I wasn't deserving of recovery, that I was less than, and all those negative tapes that use to play in my head. I learned to change them. I was blessed with good teacher and counsellors who showed me a better way of living, more importantly a better way of thinking. I will never forget the many times they kept saying to me, "You need to accept your humanness." It is alright to make mistakes, it is alright to make an error, it is alright to do a silly thing, etc. This is something that still affects me in today. When I make an error at bridge, I can still beat myself up and carry it into the next day because I pulled a wrong card or didn't stop to rethink things out and made misjudgments. No one beat me up more than I did. I can still do it and I can let it rent space in my head. I know that if I make a mistake I am not one. I don't have the thought of being less than but as my motto for many years says, "I can't stupidity, especially in myself." The nice thing is I can forgive myself and others because I have taken down the walls around my heart.

The longest journey in recovery is the one from the head to the heart. When things stay in my head, I open the channel to my Higher Power and He opens the door to Light to let the darkness shine.

[MajestyJo]

There is so much I want to share tonight but in too much pain. I have pushed myself and am paying for it, the pain is just getting worse.

The mind is willing but the flesh is weak.

[MajestyJo]

Welcome to our site. There are many tools to sobriety and we invite you to peruse the board to find material that will help you on your journey to recovery.

Some helpful suggestions - basic tools - to help you stay sober:

90 in 90. People who "keep coming back" have a much better chance of recovering. We recommend 90 meetings in 90 days; try out lots of different meetings and fellowships.

"A drug is only an arm's-length away." Slipping is really easy: a moment's inattention; wrong time, wrong place.

"A slip is the end of a process." (Also: "On the road to a slip, the first step is to get rid of your sponsor"; "A slip occurs before you pick up.")

Abstinence. We can't get high if we don't pick up that first drug or drink. We've learned that using other drugs-- alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, poppers--can lead us back to crystal meth ("tina") or into other addictions. We believe in total abstinence: Using alcohol or drugs invariably triggers our addiction.

Acceptance. "...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." We can't fix everything--certainly not our addiction; we just had to calm down and accept that. And remind ourselves with the Serenity Prayer as needed.

Act as if. Also: "Fake it till you make it." Life is totally different when we're first getting sober-full of crazy feelings and fears, excitement and gratitude. When we don't know what to do in a certain situation or state of mind, we ask for a suggestion from our sponsor or another person in the program (see Suggestions). We can't "think" our way to right actions , but we can "act" our way to right thoughts. For example: Most of us had to act as if there was a Higher Power for a long time when we first entered the program.

Action. "...The courage to change the things I can." Life is a program of action; most of us started small with things like going to meetings or making our beds.

Big Book. The Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, is the basic text of recovery. Most of us read it from time to time, some of us are in study groups where we use it to work the steps.

Bookending. If we need to do something or go somewhere that may make us want to use-meet an ex, the office holiday party, a first date-many of us check in with a program friend before we go and after we're done.

Burning desires. If a meeting is ending and we have not been called on, but think we might use if we don't get a chance to share, we take the "burning desire" when it is announced. If we are still not called on, we grab someone right away after the meeting to talk.

Chips. When we were counting days, most of us raised our hands and shared our progress with the groups. Those plastic key chains we receive from various meetings as we reach new sober anniversaries are among our most valued possessions.

Choices. A recovery bookstore, Choices carries basic recovery literature: Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book), The 12 and 12, Living Sober, Came to Believe, Just for Today, plus Step workbooks, a full library of recovery-related literature, and chips (coins), cards and gifts. 220 West 78th Street (between 2nd and 3rd ); 212-794-3858; open Tues-Fri 11-7, Sat 11-6, Sun 12-4. Barnes & Noble (all over town) also carries a lot of program literature in its Recovery section.

Coffee. Between fellowship, meetings with friends and sponsors, and just generally showing up for life on time now that we're sober, a lot of us drink more coffee than we used to. This can make us very anxious; if we have trouble sleeping, researchers suggest avoiding caffeine within five hours of bed.

Compare and despair. We try not to compare our insides to someone else's outsides.

"Easy does it." We tried not to take on too much in early sobriety.

Feelings are not facts. Just because we feel that everyone hates us doesn't mean they do.

Fellowship. The meeting after the meeting. We go for hamburgers and coffee, discuss topics and feelings brought up by the meeting, and chit chat.

"First things first." We learned to prioritize.

"Give time time." Getting sober takes time, and we addicts tend to be impatient people.

"Go to any lengths." We did some sick stuff in our pursuit of drugs; we try to work just as hard to stay sober. If we drank or used every day, we can go meetings every day.

Good Orderly Direction. One popular conception of a Higher Power: doing the next right thing.

Group Of Drunks. Another useful concept of a Higher Power (from AA): people helping each other get and stay sober.

"Half measures availed us nothing." We have to give sobriety our all or we won't succeed.



HALT. Don't get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. An afternoon spent struggling with cravings can be explained with these four words. We check in on our physical and emotional condition throughout the day. Hungry? Eat regular meals at regular mealtimes. Angry? Talk about it a lot with your sponsor and others. Lonely? Go to a meeting, call someone. Tired? Take a nap, go to sleep early, schedule less. (gay version: HALT don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or fabulous.)

HOW. Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness, the basic tenets behind Steps One, Two and Three. This is HOW it works: we get honest, we open our minds, and we become willing to surrender and work a program.

Just for today. We stay sober one day at a time.

Keep it simple." Also: "Keep it simple, stupid." We tried not to do anything too drastic while we were learning how to live sober, on the proven principle that anything we put in front of our sobriety would take us back out. (See No major changes.)

Keep right size. When we are feeling really lousy--or really super--we try to keep our objectivity. Our low self-esteem and grandiosity led us into addiction in the first place.

"Keep the memory green." We must never forget that we are powerless over crystal and other drugs.

Literature. CMA is still writing its own "Big Book." But many of us found Alcoholics Anonymous, The 12 and 12, Came to Believe, Living Sober, As Bill Sees It and other AA, NA or CA literature valuable in helping us understand the program.

Make your bed. This is just one example of how we take care of ourselves in small ways we couldn't when we used--we deserve a nice clean bed at night.

Meditation. We found this is not as mystical as it sounds: We just sit quietly somewhere for a few minutes and listen to our breath-- in, out, in, out, in, out... Anxiety melts away, and our Higher Power comes in.

Meetings. At meetings we share our successes and struggles, learn about the steps, explore our spirituality, make friends. We have seen how "meeting makers make it."

Naps. Coming off crystal (methylenedioxymethamphetamine) we were very, very sleepy. We weren't too hard on ourselves when we needed to lie down. Everything in moderation of course: Sleeping all the time can be a sign of depression. See Outside issues.

No major changes ... in the first year. This probably sounds impossible and even backwards-why did we get sober, after all, if it wasn't to change our lives? But the reasoning behind it is sound. During the first year, we tried not to plunge into new romances, change jobs or homes, or confront long-standing problems in our families. People said to us: Who you are will change. Who knows what you'll want in a year?

"Nonalcoholic beer is for nonalcoholics." "Near-beer" actually contains a tiny amount of alcohol. We believe we're better off finding beverages that don't remind us of alcohol.

One day at a time. It's too overwhelming to think we'll never use again; we focus on doing whatever it takes to stay clean today. We worry about tomorrow when it comes.

Outside issues. If we are depressed, we get help--therapy, group counseling, antidepressants, economic assistance.

People, places and things. We stay away from anything we identify that reminds us of using. Dealers, party/**** buddies, friends we ran with, or others in our lives who throw off our equilibrium; bars, clubs, baths, certain streets or corners, or other places we associate with copping or using; stems, vials, lighters, thingytail glasses... There's an AA saying: "If you hang out in the barbershop, eventually you'll get a haircut."

Phone numbers. Telephone numbers are our lifeline. Members who have been around for a while are happy to share their experience, strength, hope--and time. If we want to call our dealer, we call someone from the program instead. For this reason, we always carry the numbers of friends in the program. Many of us make a habit of calling someone, our sponsor or a friend, in the program daily. As for our own phone numbers, many of us changed them to avoid getting tempting calls from dealers and using friends. (See People, places and things, Go to any lengths.)

Play the tape through to the end. When a using craving starts to overwhelm us, we remember one of our last runs all the way through to the end: from the first drink to the bumps in the bathroom and crazy sex, to desperation, paranoia, STDs, hospitals, lost jobs, evictions, busted relationships-whatever brought us into the rooms. After a while, by playing the tape the whole way through whenever we get a craving, we associate using less with the thrill of escape and more with the reality of our addiction and its consequences.

Prayer. Reaching out to a higher power--whether we believe in one or not--has an incredibly calming effect on us. Many of us pray in the morning, asking for help to stay sober another day, and at night, saying a simple thank-you when we make it to bed sober.

"Principles not personalities." This means a couple of things. First, people in the fellowship may sometimes let us down; but the principles of the 12 steps never will. We never let someone else who is working our nerves keep us from seeking the recovery we deserve.

"Progress, not perfection." We try not to be so hard on ourselves. Even Bill W., the founder of AA, had problems.

Shelf. As in "just put that on the shelf." We may feel we have other problems (cigarettes, debt, sexual compulsion, job problems, family issues) in addition to our addiction to crystal meth (methamphetamine), but we postpone dealing with those other problems directly for a while, until we've begun to lead a life free from crystal meth addiction. The stress of dealing with these other problems can make our recovery from addiction more difficult. Just staying sober helps most of our problems start resolving themselves; in time, when we have some recovery under our belts, we take problems off the shelf to be addressed.

Smart feet. Knowing when and where meetings are; having a usual routine; attending meetings even though we are busy, bored or don't want to be bothered, because we know its good for us. "Smart feet" is the impulse to get to a meeting whenever something happens that makes us want to use.

Spirituality. Not to be confused with religion. CMA is a spiritual program of recovery, but the spiritual path in CMA is very personal and individual. In CMA, everyone finds his own higher power and his own way of communicating with it. A lot of us find literature on this topic--from program literature to the Bible or Koran to the writings of Carl Jung or William James--helpful. (See Meditation, Prayer.)

Sponsors. A sponsor is another recovering addict, with a year or more of clean time, who helps mentor us in our recovery.

Steps. There are 12 of them, and they work. The process of self-discovery they describe unfolds organically the longer you stay sober, but it's best to really work on them--with a sponsor. Everyone works the steps in his own way, at his own pace. The only step we have to work perfectly is Step One.

"Stick with the winners." We try to hang out with people who have good attitudes and some clean and sober time in the program.

Suggestions. Most of us needed a lot of humility to come to our first CMA meeting. Admitting that we don't have the answers to our difficulties, as hard as it is, is the source of our serenity. (See Surrender.) People in CMA and other fellowships often offer us feedback. Whatever we may think of them and their "advice," however much we might not want feedback, we have to remember that they wouldn't be telling us something that didn't work for them.



Surrender. Also, "Surrender to win." This is the core of the program; it's really explored in Step Three. Surrender is not defeat, it's joining the winning side. Basically, we are willing to try some other way-ours wasn't getting us anywhere.

"Take what you can use and leave the rest." If a suggestion or concept is confusing or seems contradictory, we set it aside until we are ready. We try not to complicate our programs unnecessarily. (See Shelf.

Traditions. There are 12 of these, too. The code of conduct for the organization, they are the principles that guide CMA meetings and the group as a whole. (See Principles not personalities.)

Triggers. People, places and things that remind us of using, and anything else--a fight, depression, being hungry, angry, lonely and/or tired--that upsets our equilibrium enough to make us want to use.

We are not professionals. We are not doctors. Therefore, we seek professional help for physical or mental problems such as depression or mania; financial counseling; or job training. (See Outside issues.)



"We are only as sick as our secrets." Openness takes the toxic strength out of shame. If something is eating away at us, we share about it at meetings and with our sponsor.

Yets. These are things we have yet to do but that, knowing the way our minds work, we might encounter on our next relapse-smoking, shooting up, heroin, crack, prostitution, jail, homelessness. Addiction is a progressive disease; if we go out, it will most likely be worse next time.

[MajestyJo]

What ever the substance, for me it doesn't matter, when I am acting out in my disease, I can get addicted to more of anything.

I went about four years ago to a Casino for the first time in Niagara. I can still remember the rush, and the knowing that, if I made a habit of going to such places, I would be in trouble. I already had a problem with Nevada Tickets before coming into the fellowship of AA.

I also have a book called "Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much" and it is for workaholics, rushaholics and busyaholics. Now I don't know about you, but I can get caught up in busy and rushing here and rushing there, and one of my favorite things is the opportunity to run away from home, especially if it means dishes and housework and responsibility.

Do you remember where you came from? Have you got caught up in busy and life because it is so good, God has been very good to you? Have you asked yourself how come you have all this good stuff? Where did it come from and how come you got it? Have you paid it forward? Is your a/c paid in full?

I don't know about you, but what I got was priceless. I don't think I will ever live long enough to level my account, and get to a place where I think that I am debt free. One of the reasons is because I keep getting gifts. I still find myself saying thank you.

I thank those who carry the message of recovery to me. Each day is a new beginning, so have a great one. May it be the best day it can be. For this 24 hours. may you be clean and sober.

Sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences with other people shows us who we are and helps us to accept ourselves. Those with whom we share also benefit.

Grant me courage and trust so that I may share.

Went to a meeting one morning and someone asked me how I was. I said, "I am good, having a great day." He said, "What are you doing here then?" I smiled and said, "Passing it on."

There were days that were far from that, I went to meetings and it was there that I found myself, reflected in the faces of the people in the rooms. The words that were spoken were the words that I couldn't voice for myself. I got a little from this person, a lot from another, another I might not identify with, and another one would give me something to think about, and another would give me something that I would need later. They all contributed to my recovery, and for that, I will always be grateful.

This is a we program. Without them, there would be no me!

Really like this, and it made me think, it doesn't matter what we use in our life, food, alcohol, drugs, men, work, friends, etc. it is all rooted from the same source, ME!

My God is above all things and when I reach out to Him, I can overcome anything that is put in my path.

Have found myself saying many times over the years, "Been there, done it, wore the t-shirt." Yet when you think of what Jesus went through, my stuff doesn't amount to a whole lot. In my mind it was big, seeing my brother killed when I was three, our house struck by lightning, two abusive marriages, and four rapes on my journey to the doors of recovery. Those were just the highlights, when I look at the feelings and the little things like the car accidents, a dysfunctional boss, loss of parents due to their disease, a son in addictive addiction, etc. they still don't add up to something that I do not have to use as an excuse to pick up a drink and a drug today.

Thou hast given so much to me,
Give one thing more, — a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days,
But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise.

~George Herbert

This disease is 4-fold and my God heals on all four levels. Thanks to the program, I became aware, and could see things and realized that a lot of it was of my own making and looking at what I did to put myself in those abusive situations, more importantly, why did I stay in them. In my own addiction, I thought that it was what I deserved and my judgment for being me who walked in fear for most of her life. The summit was entering the doors of recovery and reconnecting with my God instead of going to Him part-time.

[MajestyJo]

Fear imprisons, faith liberates; fear paralyzes, faith empowers; fear disheartens, faith encourage; fear sickens, faith heals; fear makes useless, faith makes serviceable.
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick

It has been said that the opposite of fear is faith. But how do we change our fears into faith if we have little or no faith? How do we start having faith? One of the easiest ways to develop an alternative to fear is to ask ourselves during a moment of fear: What is the worst that could happen? Once we know the answer to that question, we have dealt with the source of our fears - the unknown.

What do we fear now? First we need to identify all the unknowns that we fear. Once we recognize all the things that can happen, we will be able to prepare ourselves for possible failure, loss, or sadness. By recognizing the fears, we take away some of their power over us. We can then believe we will be all right.

What do I fear and why do I fear it? I know I am okay because I have identified my fear.

Like this because it affirms my own personal belief. You have to identify your feelings, allow yourself to feel them, in order to let them go. As the saying goes, "Just because you have a feeling, doesn't mean you have to act on it." Just because I am fearful, doesn't mean I can't do it. I can go to my God and ask for His Courage, Strength, Love, Wisdom, or anything else I need to get through it. As they say, "If He leads you to it, He will see you through it."

[MajestyJo]

Generally I post on the topic that I choose for the day, but in the moment, it wasn't there, the patience or the thought.

Today, I had to put it into practice. My sister arrived after her doctor's appointment. I made us toasted tomato sandwiches. I didn't know what to talk to her about. We seldom see each other and we come from two different worlds. She has no interest in my sites, and after she tells me about her kids, and I tell her I am getting a kitten, and share that I hope to go to Port Dover on Friday, there was nothing more to say.

It is so difficult to make conversation. I was comfortable in the silence, but she ended up getting up and going down and waiting outside for her husband. She said, "I will go and be a dutiful wife." Well you can imagine what that did to my system? I had to have patience with her and with myself. We come from two different ends of the spectrum and that is okay in today.

Found this post I made on another site in 2004. I am referring to the sister who just had heart bi-pass surgery. It makes me aware of how much this program is one day at a time.

I don't even remember thinking about a kitten. I generally have allergic reaction to them. Duh!

I still have the same problem about communicating today. I asked her yesterday if they would keep her an extra day because of her high blood pressure. She said, "Oh no, they said I could go home." They kept her.

She called me twice, I called her back and I don't think we talked for 2 minutes and she said, "I have to go." It was good to know she was home, on the couch, and was going to go to bed.

That quote is 11 years old and I still have to pray and ask for patience and tolerance, not with others so much as with myself.

[MajestyJo]

Posted this on another site yesterday:

R is for Rest. It doesn't mean rest on your laurels. That means: to be ​satisfied with ​your ​achievements and not to make an ​effort to do anything ​else:
Just because you've got ​your ​degree doesn't ​mean you can rest on ​your ​laurels.

I need to rest and listen to for the Good Orderly Direction my God would have me take in my life.

A hymn I grew up with and sang many times: Leaning on the everlasting arms.

library.timelesstruths.org/music/Leaning_on_the_Everlasting_Arms/


Last night when I turned on 'The Gaither Gospel Hour' I was surprised because it was a new show with Guy Penrod's new music as a soloist. In his first set of music, he sang, "Leaning on the everlasting arms." It is go ensuring and comforting to have a thought followed up by affirmation that you are on tract and connected to your Higher Power.

The same thing happened with "Food for Thought" posting for today. A thought I had earlier was affirmed by the reading for today.

God does work in mysterious ways, His Wonders to preform.

[MajestyJo]

This could be a repeat

Welcome to our site. There are many tools to sobriety and we invite you to peruse the board to find material that will help you on your journey to recovery.

Some helpful suggestions - basic tools - to help you stay sober:

90 in 90. People who "keep coming back" have a much better chance of recovering. We recommend 90 meetings in 90 days; try out lots of different meetings and fellowships.

"A drug is only an arm's-length away." Slipping is really easy: a moment's inattention; wrong time, wrong place.

"A slip is the end of a process." (Also: "On the road to a slip, the first step is to get rid of your sponsor"; "A slip occurs before you pick up.")

Abstinence. We can't get high if we don't pick up that first drug or drink. We've learned that using other drugs-- alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, poppers--can lead us back to crystal meth ("tina") or into other addictions. We believe in total abstinence: Using alcohol or drugs invariably triggers our addiction.



Acceptance. "...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." We can't fix everything--certainly not our addiction; we just had to calm down and accept that. And remind ourselves with the Serenity Prayer as needed.

Act as if. Also: "Fake it till you make it." Life is totally different when we're first getting sober-full of crazy feelings and fears, excitement and gratitude. When we don't know what to do in a certain situation or state of mind, we ask for a suggestion from our sponsor or another person in the program (see Suggestions). We can't "think" our way to right actions , but we can "act" our way to right thoughts. For example: Most of us had to act as if there was a Higher Power for a long time when we first entered the program.

Action. "...The courage to change the things I can." Life is a program of action; most of us started small with things like going to meetings or making our beds.

Big Book. The Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, is the basic text of recovery. Most of us read it from time to time, some of us are in study groups where we use it to work the steps.

Bookending. If we need to do something or go somewhere that may make us want to use-meet an ex, the office holiday party, a first date-many of us check in with a program friend before we go and after we're done.

Burning desires. If a meeting is ending and we have not been called on, but think we might use if we don't get a chance to share, we take the "burning desire" when it is announced. If we are still not called on, we grab someone right away after the meeting to talk.

Chips. When we were counting days, most of us raised our hands and shared our progress with the groups. Those plastic key chains we receive from various meetings as we reach new sober anniversaries are among our most valued possessions.

Choices. A recovery bookstore, Choices carries basic recovery literature: Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book), The 12 and 12, Living Sober, Came to Believe, Just for Today, plus Step workbooks, a full library of recovery-related literature, and chips (coins), cards and gifts. 220 West 78th Street (between 2nd and 3rd ); 212-794-3858; open Tues-Fri 11-7, Sat 11-6, Sun 12-4. Barnes & Noble (all over town) also carries a lot of program literature in its Recovery section.

Coffee. Between fellowship, meetings with friends and sponsors, and just generally showing up for life on time now that we're sober, a lot of us drink more coffee than we used to. This can make us very anxious; if we have trouble sleeping, researchers suggest avoiding caffeine within five hours of bed.

Compare and despair. We try not to compare our insides to someone else's outsides.

"Easy does it." We tried not to take on too much in early sobriety.

Feelings are not facts. Just because we feel that everyone hates us doesn't mean they do.

Fellowship. The meeting after the meeting. We go for hamburgers and coffee, discuss topics and feelings brought up by the meeting, and chit chat.

"First things first." We learned to prioritize.

"Give time time." Getting sober takes time, and we addicts tend to be impatient people.

"Go to any lengths." We did some sick stuff in our pursuit of drugs; we try to work just as hard to stay sober. If we drank or used every day, we can go meetings every day.

Good Orderly Direction. One popular conception of a Higher Power: doing the next right thing.

Group Of Drunks. Another useful concept of a Higher Power (from AA): people helping each other get and stay sober.

"Half measures availed us nothing." We have to give sobriety our all or we won't succeed.



HALT. Don't get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. An afternoon spent struggling with cravings can be explained with these four words. We check in on our physical and emotional condition throughout the day. Hungry? Eat regular meals at regular mealtimes. Angry? Talk about it a lot with your sponsor and others. Lonely? Go to a meeting, call someone. Tired? Take a nap, go to sleep early, schedule less. (gay version: HALT don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or fabulous.)

HOW. Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness, the basic tenets behind Steps One, Two and Three. This is HOW it works: we get honest, we open our minds, and we become willing to surrender and work a program.

Just for today. We stay sober one day at a time.

Keep it simple." Also: "Keep it simple, stupid." We tried not to do anything too drastic while we were learning how to live sober, on the proven principle that anything we put in front of our sobriety would take us back out. (See No major changes.)

Keep right size. When we are feeling really lousy--or really super--we try to keep our objectivity. Our low self-esteem and grandiosity led us into addiction in the first place.

"Keep the memory green." We must never forget that we are powerless over crystal and other drugs.

Literature. CMA is still writing its own "Big Book." But many of us found Alcoholics Anonymous, The 12 and 12, Came to Believe, Living Sober, As Bill Sees It and other AA, NA or CA literature valuable in helping us understand the program.

Make your bed. This is just one example of how we take care of ourselves in small ways we couldn't when we used--we deserve a nice clean bed at night.

Meditation. We found this is not as mystical as it sounds: We just sit quietly somewhere for a few minutes and listen to our breath-- in, out, in, out, in, out... Anxiety melts away, and our Higher Power comes in.

Meetings. At meetings we share our successes and struggles, learn about the steps, explore our spirituality, make friends. We have seen how "meeting makers make it."

Naps. Coming off crystal (methylenedioxymethamphetamine) we were very, very sleepy. We weren't too hard on ourselves when we needed to lie down. Everything in moderation of course: Sleeping all the time can be a sign of depression. See Outside issues.

No major changes ... in the first year. This probably sounds impossible and even backwards-why did we get sober, after all, if it wasn't to change our lives? But the reasoning behind it is sound. During the first year, we tried not to plunge into new romances, change jobs or homes, or confront long-standing problems in our families. People said to us: Who you are will change. Who knows what you'll want in a year?

"Nonalcoholic beer is for nonalcoholics." "Near-beer" actually contains a tiny amount of alcohol. We believe we're better off finding beverages that don't remind us of alcohol.

One day at a time. It's too overwhelming to think we'll never use again; we focus on doing whatever it takes to stay clean today. We worry about tomorrow when it comes.

Outside issues. If we are depressed, we get help--therapy, group counseling, antidepressants, economic assistance.

People, places and things. We stay away from anything we identify that reminds us of using. Dealers, party/**** buddies, friends we ran with, or others in our lives who throw off our equilibrium; bars, clubs, baths, certain streets or corners, or other places we associate with copping or using; stems, vials, lighters, thingytail glasses... There's an AA saying: "If you hang out in the barbershop, eventually you'll get a haircut."

Phone numbers. Telephone numbers are our lifeline. Members who have been around for a while are happy to share their experience, strength, hope--and time. If we want to call our dealer, we call someone from the program instead. For this reason, we always carry the numbers of friends in the program. Many of us make a habit of calling someone, our sponsor or a friend, in the program daily. As for our own phone numbers, many of us changed them to avoid getting tempting calls from dealers and using friends. (See People, places and things, Go to any lengths.)

Play the tape through to the end. When a using craving starts to overwhelm us, we remember one of our last runs all the way through to the end: from the first drink to the bumps in the bathroom and crazy sex, to desperation, paranoia, STDs, hospitals, lost jobs, evictions, busted relationships-whatever brought us into the rooms. After a while, by playing the tape the whole way through whenever we get a craving, we associate using less with the thrill of escape and more with the reality of our addiction and its consequences.

Prayer. Reaching out to a higher power--whether we believe in one or not--has an incredibly calming effect on us. Many of us pray in the morning, asking for help to stay sober another day, and at night, saying a simple thank-you when we make it to bed sober.

"Principles not personalities." This means a couple of things. First, people in the fellowship may sometimes let us down; but the principles of the 12 steps never will. We never let someone else who is working our nerves keep us from seeking the recovery we deserve.

"Progress, not perfection." We try not to be so hard on ourselves. Even Bill W., the founder of AA, had problems.

Shelf. As in "just put that on the shelf." We may feel we have other problems (cigarettes, debt, sexual compulsion, job problems, family issues) in addition to our addiction to crystal meth (methamphetamine), but we postpone dealing with those other problems directly for a while, until we've begun to lead a life free from crystal meth addiction. The stress of dealing with these other problems can make our recovery from addiction more difficult. Just staying sober helps most of our problems start resolving themselves; in time, when we have some recovery under our belts, we take problems off the shelf to be addressed.

Smart feet. Knowing when and where meetings are; having a usual routine; attending meetings even though we are busy, bored or don't want to be bothered, because we know its good for us. "Smart feet" is the impulse to get to a meeting whenever something happens that makes us want to use.

Spirituality. Not to be confused with religion. CMA is a spiritual program of recovery, but the spiritual path in CMA is very personal and individual. In CMA, everyone finds his own higher power and his own way of communicating with it. A lot of us find literature on this topic--from program literature to the Bible or Koran to the writings of Carl Jung or William James--helpful. (See Meditation, Prayer.)

Sponsors. A sponsor is another recovering addict, with a year or more of clean time, who helps mentor us in our recovery.

Steps. There are 12 of them, and they work. The process of self-discovery they describe unfolds organically the longer you stay sober, but it's best to really work on them--with a sponsor. Everyone works the steps in his own way, at his own pace. The only step we have to work perfectly is Step One.

"Stick with the winners." We try to hang out with people who have good attitudes and some clean and sober time in the program.

Suggestions. Most of us needed a lot of humility to come to our first CMA meeting. Admitting that we don't have the answers to our difficulties, as hard as it is, is the source of our serenity. (See Surrender.) People in CMA and other fellowships often offer us feedback. Whatever we may think of them and their "advice," however much we might not want feedback, we have to remember that they wouldn't be telling us something that didn't work for them.



Surrender. Also, "Surrender to win." This is the core of the program; it's really explored in Step Three. Surrender is not defeat, it's joining the winning side. Basically, we are willing to try some other way-ours wasn't getting us anywhere.

"Take what you can use and leave the rest." If a suggestion or concept is confusing or seems contradictory, we set it aside until we are ready. We try not to complicate our programs unnecessarily. (See Shelf.

Traditions. There are 12 of these, too. The code of conduct for the organization, they are the principles that guide CMA meetings and the group as a whole. (See Principles not personalities.)

Triggers. People, places and things that remind us of using, and anything else--a fight, depression, being hungry, angry, lonely and/or tired--that upsets our equilibrium enough to make us want to use.

We are not professionals. We are not doctors. Therefore, we seek professional help for physical or mental problems such as depression or mania; financial counseling; or job training. (See Outside issues.)



"We are only as sick as our secrets." Openness takes the toxic strength out of shame. If something is eating away at us, we share about it at meetings and with our sponsor.

Yets. These are things we have yet to do but that, knowing the way our minds work, we might encounter on our next relapse-smoking, shooting up, heroin, crack, prostitution, jail, homelessness. Addiction is a progressive disease; if we go out, it will most likely be worse next time.

Many people say that recovery didn't work for them. So seldom they are not willing to work for it. We may recover, but our disease is always there waiting for us get complacent, to forget and give it a crack into which to slip through.

This was done for AA but I feel it works for any 12 Step Program.

90 TOOLS FOR SOBRIETY

1 ) Stay away from that first drink, taking the 1st step daily.
2 ) Attend AA regularly and get involved.
3 ) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME.
4 ) Use the 24 Hour plan.
5 ) Turn your "dis-ease" to a sense of ease. Picture yourself as "recovered."
6 ) Do first things first.
7 ) Don't become too tired.
8 ) Eat at regular hours.
9 ) Use the telephone. (not just after the fact but during too.).
10) Be active - don't just sit around. Idle time will kill you.
11) Use the Serenity Prayer.
12) Change old routines and patterns.
13) Don't become too hungry.
14) Avoid loneliness.
15) Practice control of your anger.
16) Air your resentments.
17) Be willing to help whenever needed.
18) Be good to yourself, you deserve it.
19) Easy does it.
20) Get out of the "IF ONLY" trap.
21) Remind yourself HOW IT WAS. Your last drunk, the feelings etc. Picture better alternatives.
22) Be aware of your emotions. Reason about them.
23) Help another in his/her recovery, extend your hand, listen.
24) Try to turn your life and your will over to your Higher Power.
25) Avoid all mood-altering drugs, read labels on all medicines.
26) Turn loose of old ideas.
27) Avoid drinking situations/occasions.
28) Replace old drinking buddies with new AA buddies.
29) Read the Big Book.
30) Try not to be dependent on another (sick relationships). Be independent or inter-dependent.
31) Be grateful, and when you're not, make a GRATITUDE list.
32) Get off the "Pity Pot"...the only thing you'll get is a ring
around your bottom if you don't.
33) Seek knowledgeable help when troubled and or otherwise.
34) Face it! You are in control of your destiny.
35) Try the 12 and 12, not just 1 and 12 or 1, 12 and 13!
36) Let go and Let God.
37) Use the "God box." (Write down your worries and problems. Put them in the God box. Once you've done so, you can no longer think about them for that day. Use God's answers: yes, no, or wait, I have something better in store for you. Don't forget to say thanks.
38) Find courage to change through the example of others who have.
39) Don't try to test your will power. When in doubt, DON'T. (Or don't, yet.)
40) Live TODAY, not YESTERDAY, not TOMORROW - projection is planning
the results before anything even happens.
41) Avoid emotional involvements the first year - you end up putting
the other person first and lose sight of "your" program.
42) Remember, YOU ARE NOT YOUR DIS-EASE. So, take it easy on yourself.
43) Rejoice in the manageability of your new life.
44) Be humble--Humility is not in thinking of yourself more, but in
thinking more of yourself less often. Watch the ego.
45) Share your experience, strength and hope as much as possible and as creatively as possible.
46) Cherish your recovery.
47) Dump your garbage regularly - GIGO = Garbage In Garbage Out.
48) Get plenty of "restful" sleep.
49) Stay sober for you - not someone else - otherwise it won't work.
50) Practice rigorous honesty with yourself and others.
51) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME, not 10 years in one day!
55) Make no major decisions the first year.
56) Get a sponsor and use him/her.
57) Know that no matter what your problems, someone's had them before.
Don't be afraid to share, as a problem shared is one 1/2 solved.
58) Strive for progress not perfection.
59) When in doubt ask questions. The only stupid question is the one
not asked.
60) Use prayer and meditation.
61) Maintain a balance: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental.
62) Don't use other substances as a maintenance program.
63) Learn to take spot check inventories.
64) Watch out for the RED FLAGS ... things that give excuses for poor
behavior and inevitable relapse.
65) Know that its okay to be human ... just don't drink over it.
66) Be kind to yourself; it's about time, don't you think?
67) Don't take yourself so seriously - take the dis-ease seriously!
68) Know that whatever it is that's causing pain - it shall pass.
69) Stay as far away from the DRY DRUNK SYNDROME as humanly possible.
70) Don't give away more than you can afford oo, your sobriety comes
first and must be the number 1 priority. Protect it at all costs.
71) Take down those bricks from the wall around you; you'll be able to
see the daylight better. Let people know who you are.
72) Get a home group and attend it regularly.
73) Know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming
train, but actually a ray of hope. Drop the negativity.
74) Know that you are not alone, that's why the "We" is in the steps.
75) Be willing to go to any lengths to stay and be sober.
76) Know that no matter how bleak and dark your past may be, your
future is clean, bright and clear if you don't drink today.
77) Stay out of your own way.
78) Don't be in a hurry--remember "TIME = Things I Must Earn".
79) Watch the EGO. "EGO = Ease God Out".
80) Protect your sobriety at all costs. Keep the light on you.
81) Learn to listen, not just hear. Be open-minded and nonjudgmental.
82) Know that if your insides match your outsides, everyone looks good.
83) If the rest of the world looks bad, check yourself out first.
84) Gratitude is in the attitude.
85) When all else fails ... punt! Up the number of meetings!!!
86) Remember FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL!
87) If they knew better, they'd do better. Think about letting things go.
88) Handle what you can and leave the rest, don't overtax yourself.
You can only accomplish so much in a given 24 hours.
89) Honesty and consistency are key factors in recovery.
90) Let the little kid in you out - learn how to laugh from the gut.
-adapted from ideas by Bob

*** Note this list is not necessarily in order. They are but suggestions and items to put in your little TOOL BAG.

[MajestyJo]

This looks more like a donkey than a cow.



Guess I just need to look at what lesson I need to learn in today. I started out having a cow day, but before the day ends, I am sure I will end up making an a$$ of myself.

Donkey/Ass:
Ass or Donkey can teach much about patience and humility. They have wisdom and teaches when to use it with timing. Ass' aids in realizing outer recognition of inner potentials and the strength that comes from internal fortitude. He can aid in showing one how to move with the flow and allow Spirit to work and/or trusting your strengths. It is a time to not be content and complacent while you enjoy the road to the goal. Are you working too hard and not being productive? Are you following your intuition in what you "should do". Is stubbornness hindering you mentally, emotionally and spiritually? Ass will teach you how to listen to your head and heart.

Cow:
Cows can teach us about the home and community and the joy, contentment therein. Cows aid us in realizing to be easy going and live in the moment. They show us about love and connections at work and home. Cow also may demonstrate how to eat properly. Are eating enough fruits and vegetables? Are you happy at home? Cow can teach how to make those changes that are needed to balance to the joy in your surroundings.

[MajestyJo]

OPEN TO THE NEW

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." -- Alvin Toffler

How willing are you to learn something new? How open are you to new perspectives?

Only when we're open can we really hear what's being said or really see what's happening or really experience the moment.

Openness demands that we be willing to move to places we've never been before. It asks us to continually challenge the foundations of our belief systems so we can test out new ideas. And to do that, we need to accept insecurity.

Be open to seeing things:
- from another's point of view,
- from a higher and more inclusive perspective
- with a beginner's attitude of wonder.

"The struggle of the mind to keep itself free from every sort of bondage -- to remain curious, open, unsatiated in all its relations with nature -- is tenfold more difficult than the cultivation of a stable, satisfying point of view, but a thousandfold more precious."

-- Gardner Murphy

"Remain open. There is something bigger than you know going on here."
-- Iyanla VanZant

From Higher Awareness - something I posted on another site in 2004

Being open to other concepts than my own was not an easy task for Ms. Perfection. To let go of the old tapes that had been playing in my head for years, to learn not to give them creadence, but recognize them for what they were and put them aside for an alternative solution wasn't easy.

When you have been told for years about 'life' from people you thought were "in the know" only to find that their truth didn't work for you, was a difficult concept to grasp.

I had become very introverted and to open myself up meant to become vulnerable, and fear of being hurt again made me want to build the wall higher instead of removing the bricks so I could see beyond what was in front of me.

The Fellowship is a great construction crew. They helped me to tear down those wall, and help me build a new foundation of principles on which to build my life on.

Seems to be the lesson for today, posted on this topic in another section under open mind/unmade mind.

Like this picture that looks a little cluttered, I need to do some housecleaning and get rid of what I don't need.

[MajestyJo]

For so many years, I had no discipline or routine in my life. I flew by the seat of my pants or everything was in its place, and I didn't want to change anything.

There never seemed to be any balance. I could get caught up in the same old, and not initiate anything new. I would feel bored, depressed, and aggrevated and didn't know what the cause was. Complacency can be a dangerous thing. Yet the opposite is true as well. I can be so caught up in busy, fill my day up with 'things' and run away from myself and not see where I am at in my journey.

I can get caught up in the people in my life and find myself again focusing outward instead of inward.

My focus has been on health issues and I haven't had much time for socializing or just going and having fun. With doctor's appointments and physiotherapy, I don't have much energy left to do much more than be a home body.

posted on another site in 2009

Reading this makes me realize that I am there again. I have tried to make an effort to get out to more meetings, but it doesn't happen. As they say, the road is paved with good intentions, yet I need to follow thought with action.

Today it is too windy and rainy, but yesterday wasn't. I had planned to go and didn't get out the door. I was in pain and hurting, as my leg kept giving out. Other times, I just have to find acceptance. I don't find the lack as long as I can make it to the site. It is good, but you can't beat f2f meetings and getting a hug.