Sharing and Caring

[MajestyJo]

Mold your life according to your God's plan. Mold yourself into the kind of person you would like to be.

Have a wee story to tell. I was talking to a good friend about an ex-boyfriend, and said, "He tried to fit me into the mold of what he though women should be and how they should act, and I kept breaking them. I said, "I wonder how many molds he made? My friend replied, "He probably ran out of clay."

How can someone else know who we are when we don't know ourselves. People who knew us before recovery, don't always identify with the person you are in today.

Myself

I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.

I want to be able as days go by,
always to look myself straight in the eye;

I don't want to stand with the setting sun
and hate myself for the things I have done.

I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
a lot of secrets about myself

and fool myself as I come and go
into thinking no one else will ever know

the kind of person I really am,
I don't want to dress up myself in sham.

I want to go out with my head erect
I want to deserve all men's respect;

but here in the struggle for fame and wealth
I want to be able to like myself.

I don't want to look at myself and know that
I am bluster and bluff and empty show.

I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;

I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself and so,

whatever happens I want to be
self respecting and conscience free.

- - Edgar A. Guest

[MajestyJo]

We say a day at a time, but often it is moment by moment when we are tempted. Self-justification can lead us back into old ways of thinking, which in turn takes us back to actions, which takes us out of today.

Justification and rationalization doesn`t make it right. I am saying this because I feasted on some brownies last night. I was sad and wanted to sweeten my feelings. I did call my ex-sponsor from AA because my Al-Anon sponsor is out of town. I also did prayer and meditation in the morning and later when my son left, didn`t listen to the voice inside that said `No` before I bought the brownies on the way home from the doctor`s and after I ate them, I had to pray for forgiveness. I knew it was wrong, but it seemed like there was nothing going to stop me from buying them. Told myself that I wasn`t going to eat them all. I ate them in two lots and made it worse by putting chocolate icing on them. I knew I shouldn`t because they were not on the shelf when I came in, and on the way out, there were two at the back of the shelf that I spotted on the way out. I told myself I did good by only buying one package.

That is why it is one day at a time and it is important to pick up the tools of the program. Some may say, how important is a few (8) brownies, it is nothing. Considering that my drug of choice is more, no matter what the substance is, it makes me slip and even if I stop at the end of one bag, the reality is, I should have stopped at 1 brownie. I am diabetic. If I had bought the second bag, it would probably be gone by now too.

I am on Metformin for my diabetes. The thing I told myself was, `I have a Metformin to take.` Again with the self-justification and rationalizing my actions. These were two of my worst defects of character in early recovery, looks like God and I have some work to do.

[MajestyJo]

"Remember if you point at someone, you have 3 fingers coming back at you. If you are looking at someone and see good attributes in them, then you need to own them. I was told it was a program of reflection and I have some of that goodness within me to recognize it.

I always thought of the negative and didn`t recognize that the positive was true as well. My awakening came after hearing a great speaker who came from a similiar place and I could identify with her.

I was told that for every negative in my 4th Step, I had to find a positive to balance it. Like the chip of the day, which side do we lean toward. Somethings are better, some have declined and need nurturing, and the rest, my God and I are working on them.

i.e. faith/fear, patient/impatient, happy/unhappy, tolerant/intolerant, etc.

It is one day at a time. A long-timer use to say that he had 13 trash tins and only 12 lids, and a defect of character popped up every day. He would put a lid on it and another one would pop up. He had 25 years of sobriety when I had 2. I went to all the morning meetings and he was there. He was one of the ones who showed me the way.

For me it has been awareness and praying and asking for clarity and my own truth. Sometimes when I am stumped, I say a prayer, take a meditation book or my angel and animal cards, and I am directed to what I need to hear and see.

The books I hold them a few minutes, pray, and open the book and read the page that is in front of me. I use my Bible, Courage to Change, The Language of Letting Go, As Bill Sees It, and In God`s Care.

There was a time it was when we ignored trouble, hoping it will go away. Or, in fear and in depression, we ran from it, but found it was still there. Often , full of unreason, bitterness, and blame, we fought back. These mistaken attitudes, powered by alcohol, guaranteed our destruction, unless they were altered.

- As Bill Sees It pg. 110

This is what I got when I followed my suggestion. I also know that I need to ask for my perception to be healed and that I am seeing things as they are, rather than what I would have them be.

For many years, I was caught up in tunnel vision, selective hearing, and as Jimmy Durante (before your time) use to say, "Only the nose knows."

It is about getting in touch with my Inner Self and aligning myself with my God's will for me today, rather than acting out in the isms of my disease.

When I became more aware, I went to a Horoscope book and looked up the characteristics of an Aries. I found they looked at me and wrote the book. I could identify so much with the things posted there.

I don't live by it. I had a friend who wouldn't get out of bed in the morning, until she read her horoscope for the day. Not much faith in that, saying a prayer and asking my God into my life each mornings seems like a much better solution.

It was nice to know that there were others who thought like me. When I went into recovery, I found that there were people of all signs of the Zodiac who had been where I had been.

[MajestyJo]

Pocket Sponsor - Book - Quote

God didn't do it!

God doesn't do anything to me, but always through me.

That is something I ask for daily, to be a channel that God may work through me instead of having to work around me or others.

For so many years, it was look what you did! It got to a stage in my life, I always replied, "The Devil made me do it!" Hogwash!

For one thing, as much as people said it was wrong, it was there opinion and I had to stop taking I personal. I don't think I will ever forget my mother saying, "Look at what you made me do, it is all your fault." I don't even remember the incident, just remember the words. Don't know what she did or I did, but apparently I did it and I was responsible for the whole mess.

I firmly believe that God DOES NOT TEST US! We test God. Yes life happens, and things are put in front of us, I don't see it as a test, so much as Him allowing me freedom of choice.

It can be a test of faith, yet every day is that. He doesn't do something that will hurt me and His Goal to 'Get' me and only me and I am so hard done by and why is this happening to me. I made choices that brought me to where I am in today.

So many times we are victim of other people's choices. So we have to learn to accept it, or we can choose to become a victim and play the martyr, which I have done far too many times.

My God doesn't grab me by the scuff of the neck and say "Don't!" Yet if I go to the quiet, and sit in the stillness, the good orderly direction is there. It is up to me as to whether I listen to it or turn away.

So many people blame God for the state of the world. The people of the world made choices, in most cases, to ignore God and disclaim His existence. What a wonderful world this would be if everyone just made their space, the best space it can be, just for today.



This may be a rerun, originally posted on another site in 2011.

This spoke to me this morning. My son is in a lot of pain because of his tooth ache, nausea, migraines, infection, etc. I try to help, but you can't help someone who isn't willing to do for himself, he wants someone to make it better, take away all the pain. No recognition of the fact that his addiction brought him to where he is at in today.

[MajestyJo]

It works when you work it.

Earlier today, I told myself that I was in too much pain to post. When I started, I got an anti-virus notice to update, and I thought it was a sure sign that I was not meant to post in the moment.

All said and done, when things were finished, I tried to read and I could concentrate for the pain, so came on the computer.

When the posting were half done, the pain eased, and now I have little pain, and I think I will be able to do a little task I have been procrastinating about, sorting through some clothes.

My God does, if I do.

[MajestyJo]

There are moments in our life that are priceless and endearing. This morning my son gave me hope. He said, "I am going to sleep here tonight mom and then I am going to try to get into detox tomorrow. He wants to go into treatment.

He doesn't want to go because it is no smoking. He has a few cigarettes left, so plans to smoke them before he goes. A real remember for me, trying to make the day and the nights align with the number of cigarettes I had when I quit.

He said, "I watch you mom, your recovery was stronger when you quit smoking, the cigarettes lead to using. Coffee tasted bad, so hardly ever drink it. I no longer had to eat to make things taste better.

That is why I went to NA when I quit cigarettes 16 years ago, I got key tags and applied the steps, because nicotine is a drug. They were mind altering. Took away feelings of hungry .

Just got a call from Windows and my computer isn't working properly and they have to do some work on it.

Lost my train of thought and having problems working through the pain.

Thanks for letting me share.

[MajestyJo]

Have faith in my God. Have faith in the program. Trying to have faith and stay in the moment and know that this too shall pass.

Have been feeling like there is something missing in my life. I have a sense of what it is, too much isolation and I need to get out more. Was disappointed today because I got out, it was much warmer, the sun was shining, got my errands run and the pain has been at an all time high the whole day. What I need is acceptance, turn it over, and don't go into anger, frustration, hurt and the poor mes. I am closing up shop, going to do a meditation and then hopefully I will find the inclination to cook dinner and the desire to eat it.

I can't, my God can, just for today I will get out of my way, and allow my God to work through me and for me, being open to what is best for my Higher Good.

[MajestyJo]

They say, "What you are." Not sure that those are the right words, but it affirms that, what we put out, we get back. What we take, we need to pass on.

I can't maintain my sobriety if I don't give it away. Yet I can't give it away, if I don't have it.

Changing my life and making healthy choices, is what has allowed me to change. I am not a bleeding deacon or a self-righteous soul, who thinks their way is the only way. I just know that I have been truly blessed.

Healthy choices applies to all area of my life, especially when it comes to food. What I put in my body, can dictate my pain levels, my health and well being, and I have to ask myself, "Why did I get clean and sober, if I choose to still abuse my body, mind and soul?"

Lately I have had to pray and turn over my love of chocolate. I love it, it gives me energy (short-term), and it makes me feel good. Yet in reality, it affects my diabetes, especially the circulation in my body. I know, but couldn't seem to stop eating it. I kept justifying and telling myself that chocolate is good for me. Yet it is suppose to be 70%, and the quantity I choose to eat. In reality, chocolate brownie cup cakes are bad enough, but when I added chocolate icing to them, they are deadly. I found myself in a don't care mode of thinking.. Not to mention the weight that I put on after losing it. I know I am not fat, but I can let my mind go there, and the rebel comes out that says, "Don't tell me what to do."

I have to care about me. I can't, my God can, just for today, I choose to let Him. I went into two stores today and said "No!" That is a beginning, and to keep doing, I need to go to my God and apply my program to the situation.

We can do what I can't do alone.

[MajestyJo]

KEEPERS

I grew up in the fifties with practical parents -- a Mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it...

Father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, dishtowel in the other.

It was the time for fixing things -- a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy.

All that re-fixing, reheating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But then my Mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any 'more.'

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return.

So...while we have it...it's best we love it.....and care for it.....and fix it when it's broken.....and heal it when it's sick.

This is true.....for marriage.....and old cars.....and children with bad report cards.....and dogs with bad hips.....and aging parents.....and grandparents.

We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we keep.

Like a best friend that moved away -- or -- a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special.....and so, we keep them close!

I received this from someone who thought I was a 'keeper'! Then I sent it to the people I think of in the same way. Now it's your turn to send this to those people that are "keepers" in your life.

[MajestyJo]

A post I made on another site. Oh how I remember!!!! Scary!

OLDER THAN DIRT

LightningBugs / Older 'n Dirt!!

"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"

"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow."

"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"

"It was a place called 'at home,'"I explained. "Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it."

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend:

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about! Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (OLive-6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16 Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19 Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my life.

=====

"Senility Prayer"...God grant me...
The senility to forget the people I never liked
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do
And the eyesight to tell the difference."
Have a great week!!!!!!

[MajestyJo]

Some additional suggestions by other members:

There are a few more I can remember:-

Poodle skirts & fuzzy sweaters
Saddle shoes
Ice cream Parlours - a whole store just for ice cream
Fresh baked bread from the kitchen or bakery.
Unlocked doors to your home
Watching the the Friday night fight with my grandpa on his tiny TV
Going to the butcher with my grandma and picking out the chicken that was running around in the yard. Seeing it killed and cleaned. The sawdust on the floor in the butcher.
Deserts that came from the kitchen not a bag or box.
Iceboxes that needed ice to stay cold. And lugging out the big drip container.
Clotheslines - nobody had a dryer.
Big bonnet hair dryers.
Going to the beach late at night because it was too hot to stay inside.
Neighbors who knew you and you them.
Double features at the movies.
Doo Wop music (that you could understand the words to).
The first man on the moon.
A vacation was a trip to the mountains to get away from the city. ( Not Paris, Mexico, or Cancun)
Bel-Aire cars (not SUV's or Hummers)



Thank you for adding to the list. I hadn't added a few of my own because I had an appointment.

I remember those clothes lines with a line divider and wooden clothes pegs. Also those circular ones which stuck up from your back yard like a giant umbrella.

I was raised with outhouses.
I remember seeing my grandfather's Clydsdales pulling the plough when I was six.
I remember plucking the chicken and hating the smell, especialy when my mother burned newspaper on top of the wood stove to singe the pin feathers.
Chopping kindling to start the fire in the wood stove. (I once started a chimney fire that could be seen over a mile away because I forgot to shut off the draft)
Bathtubs on legs
I was 17 when I had my first taste of pizza, it was cold and I never touched it for years. It was a plain slab one and when I tasted one years later I resented all the time I had wasted because of my first impression.
We didn't get a TV until I was 14.
My dad had a Model T and I let the seat fall on my sisters finger and she never lets me forget.
Maybe a Desota car can be added to the list.
I use to own a Rambler thanks to my dear #2.
Root cellars
Unpasteurized milk, skimming off the cream from the top of the pail fresh from the barn.
Carrying water from the well.
Stacking loose hay
The smell of fresh clover when you laid in the field and made angels and looked at the clouds.

Let me see if I can remember a few here. :

How about black and white tv's before color t.v.'s came out.
Razor blades that you actually had to put into the razor itself.
Our versions of pedal pushers. (cropped pants)
Page boys or beehive hairdos
Cat eye glasses..
No seat belts in cars
black and white pictures from our brownie camera. The negatives were huge too.

The one I also remember at one of my grandmothers was...no indoor plumbing....make a trip out to the outhouse before it gets dark...and taking a bath in the kitchen with a washtub and water she brought in and boiled on the stove.

Gee forgot about that one. Heating the water in the reservoir of the wood stove and bathed in a tin tub, one was square and when I got older a round one.

Homemade bread, pies and cakes.
Fresh churned butter and straight from the hen eggs.
Lye soap and washboards to clean your clothes.
Remember getting my hand stuck in the wringer, and stead of releasing it, I rolled it back out! Duh!!!

Can you identify and add a few of your own.

[MajestyJo]

Say Yes to the program, and no to addiction. Say Yes, to God and ask for His care and guidance through each day.

Yield not to temptation, let go of the thoughts and turn to your God. If you don't have a working relationship with your God, say "Yes!" to a spiritual quest and search for what God means to you. As I was told, "It does't matter what you believe as long as you don't believe YOU are it!"



http://www.hymnary.org/text/yield_no...r_yielding_is_

[MajestyJo]

Was two years sober before I took the 1st step 100%, I couldn't get rid of the denial. I kept comparing instead of identifying. I didn't have black out. I wasn't a falling down drunk. I could walk and drive a straight line. I had total contempt for my woman friends who couldn't stand up and had to be practically carried out of the Legion. My biggest fear was making an ass of myself and doing something stupid. I would go into the washroom, stick my finger down my throat, upchuck so I could drink more rather than cross the line, between being in control and out of control. "If you have to control it, it is already out of control." Now how lady like is it to do something like that, so you won't stagger and miss a step walking across the floor. You wonder why they say this is a disease of perception. My husband has 20 beers, can't stand without staggering out of the bar. I have 20 rye and coke, I help him or let him fall out of the place, get behind the wheel, say, "I'm not drunk, and drive him home. A police car is sitting in the corner lot, I say, "Slouch a little bit more, the left signal light isn't working." I stop at the stop sign. I pull out to the edge of the pavement to see past parked cars and pull out into the street, with my window down and using hand signals. I am hoping they think, "The wife taking the drunken husband home," that is what it looks like, the reality is, she is as hammered as he is, even though she doesn't want to admit to it. 20 drinks is 20 drinks, be they beer or rye, if anything, I should have been drunker than he was.

If I got angry, I tended to sober up, then I would be already to start again. With my husband, he was the opposite, you would swear he had drank about 3 times the amount he had already drank. So this might be why I drove home alright because he generally made me royally ticked off by the end of the night.

It isn't how much you drank but what it did to you and how you metabolized it. As you can see, some of those words were quotes from certain incidents that happened, I was not a very nice person when I was drinking. I don't think I was too normal on most things in life.

Posted this on another site on 8/18, 2012, three days before my 21st anniversary.

The person that came into recovery is no more. But the person in today, can slip into that other persona if I don't maintain my sobriety, one day at a time.

Some of the material that was on my sites, was posted on other sites, so even though my sites are gone, I still get to go back and re-read them. They spoke to me then, and they still speak to me in today, even if it is to recognize that, "that was then, this is now."

[MajestyJo]

DAILY OM

Letting Nature Work
Silent Change

We all see things about ourselves, our relationships, and our world that we want to change. Often, this desire leads us to take action toward inner work that we need to do or toward some external goal. Sometimes, without any big announcement or momentous shift, we wake up to find that change has happened, seemingly without us. This can feel like a miracle as we suddenly see that our self-esteem really does seem to be intact, or our partner actually is helping out around the house more. We may even wonder whether all of our hard work had anything to do with it, or if it just happened by way of grace.

As humans, sometimes we have relatively short attention spans, and we can easily lose track of time. We may worry about a seedling in a pot with our constant attention and watering for several weeks only to find ourselves enjoying the blooms it offers and wondering when that happened, and how we didn’t notice it. Nature, on the other hand, has infinite patience and stays with a thing all the way through its life. This doesn’t mean that our efforts play no part in the miracle of change—they do. It’s just that they are one small part of the picture that finally results in the flowering of a plant, the shifting of a relationship, the softening of our hearts.

The same laws that govern the growth of plants oversee our own internal and external changes. We observe, consider, work, and wonder, tilling the soil of our lives, planting seeds, and tending them. Sometimes the hard part is knowing when to stop and let go, handing it over to the universe. Usually this happens by way of distraction or disruption, our attention being called away to other more pressing concerns. And it is often at these times, when we are not looking, in the silence of nature’s embrace, that the miracle of change happens.

In early recovery, I didn't notice the changes within myself. Others did, and would comment and that was the only way I knew. Over the years as I worked the Steps, I saw change but more importantly, I worked to change because I wanted to change the old patterns and behaviors. They can still creep back in today, and I have work with my HP to make more changes. This is a living program. I have found that when I go out and be a part of nature, I have more appreciation for what is. It helps me to stay grounded and awareness of the greatness of my God. He has given me many gifts and has worked many miracles in my life.

[MajestyJo]

Have heard the words from my son, "You wouldn't understand mom." He is an adult child of an alcoholic mother. He was brought up in the home with a step-father who had a drinking problem and a grandfather who died from his disease.

How many times I thought I was different. I didn't fit in. It was like I had two heads, two left feet, and figured everyone was looking at me, and I felt like it was a confrontation and wondered if I had a 'zit' or something else wrong with me. Do I have a button undone, is my hair messy, does this blouse match this skirt, always with the self doubt.

Insecurities, feeling less than, not measuring up, figured everyone was talking about me, and not realizing that I didn't stick out except in my own mind or by my actions in which I shut down and put up barriers that wouldn't let people in.

If you really knew me, you wouldn't love me. I don't think like otherr people do. Often not realizing that it is a disease of perception, and why should my thinking align with someone who is an alcoholic/addict. Why am I trying? How can I know if my thinking is normal (cycle on a washing machine) or not if I don't communicate with others. Shutting down with fear of appearing stupid, silly idiot that my parents and my husband(s) told me I was. Why am I believing them? No matter how many times people told me I was attractive, I didn't believe. My husband ran around on me. That had to mean I was not a good wife, person, lover, mother, etc. and I was ugly and unattractive. How could you know how I felt? I am different don't you know?

Posted in 2011 on another site.

What helped me realize that it was me, not my drug of choice that was the issue, was realizing that my prescription drugs were like dried up alcohol. I had the same symptoms with them, as I did with my alcohol disease. I didn't always identify with some alcoholics, but when I thought of it, I had those feelings when I was trying to deal with my feelings with pills. I didn't have black outs with alcohol, but I did with pills.

Don't compare, identify.