NA JUST FOR TODAY - JULY 2014

[MajestyJo]

July 15

Relations With Others

"We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all."

Step Eight

All human beings struggle with self-centeredness. The chronic self-centeredness that lies at the very core of addiction makes that struggle doubly difficult for people like us. Many of us have lived as if we believed we were the last people on earth, utterly blind to the effect our behavior has had on those around us.

The Eighth Step is the process our program has given us to honestly examine our past relationships. We take a look at the writing we did on our Fourth Step to identify the effects our actions had on the people in our lives. When we recognize harm done to some of those people, we become willing to take responsibility for our actions by making amends to them.

The variety of people we encounter in our day and the quality of our relations with them determines, to a great extent, the quality of our very lives. Love, humor, excitement, caring - the things that make life worth living derive much of their meaning from being shared with others. Understanding this, we want to discover the true nature of our relationships with other people and mend whatever breaks we may find in those relations. We want to work the Eighth Step.

Just for today: I want to fully enjoy the companionship of my fellows. I will examine my relationships with the people in my life. Where I find I've harmed others, I will seek the willingness to make amends to them.

Recovery is about taking our program out of the rooms, and apply the Steps to our day to day living, in our homes, in the community, on the job,etc.

[MajestyJo]

July 16, 2014

Self-esteem

Page 206

"Deep inside, I had feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.""

Basic Text, p. 112

Somewhere along the way, many of us developed strong feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Deep inside was a voice that continually cried out, "You're worthless"! Many of us learn to recognize this characteristic of low self-esteem very early in our recovery. Some of us may feel that our feelings of inferiority were where all our problems began.

Whether we learn this low self-esteem in our families or through our interactions with others, in NA we learn the tools for reclaiming ourselves. Building up our fractured self-esteem sometimes begins by simply accepting a service position. Or perhaps our phone begins to ring, and for the first time people are calling just to see how we are. They don't want anything from us but to reach out and help.

Next we get a sponsor, someone who teaches us that we are worthwhile and believes in us until we can believe in ourselves. Our sponsor guides us through the Twelve Steps where we learn who we really are, not who we have built ourselves up or down to be.

Low self-esteem doesn't go away overnight. Sometimes it takes years for us to really get in touch with ourselves. But with the help of other members of NA who share our same feelings, and by working the Twelve Steps, we blossom into individuals that others and, most importantly, we ourselves respect.

Just for Today: I will remember that I am deserving of my Higher Power's love. I know that I am a worthy human being.

It is sad but true, so many people relapse because they can't get pst the feelings of not being worthy. They forget that they are not their disease.

[MajestyJo]

July 17, 2014

Using our "using dreams"

Page 207

"Do we fully accept the fact that our every attempt to stop using or to control our using failed?"

Basic Text, p. 18

The room is dark. Your forehead is bathed in cold sweat. Your heart is racing. You open your eyes, sure that you've just blown your clean time. You've had a "using dream", and it was just like being there-the people, the places, the routine, the sick feeling in your stomach, everything. It takes a few moments to realize it was just a nightmare, that it didn't actually happen. Slowly, you settle down and return to sleep.

The next morning is the time to examine what really happened the night before. You didn't use last night-but how close are you to using today? Do you have any illusions about your ability to control your using? Do you know, without a doubt, what would happen once you took the first drug? What stands between you and a real, live relapse? How strong is your program? Your relationships with your sponsor, your home group, and your Higher Power?

Using dreams don't necessarily indicate a hole in our program; for a drug addict, there's nothing more natural than to dream of using drugs. Some of us think of using dreams as gifts from our Higher Power, vividly reminding us of the insanity of active addiction and encouraging us to strengthen our recovery. Seen in that light, we can be grateful for using dreams. Frightening as they are, they can prove to be great blessings-if we use them to reinforce our recovery.

Just for Today: I will examine my personal program. I will talk with my sponsor about what I find, and seek ways to strengthen my recovery.

They were always a good indicator that I needed to get back to basics. Go back to what got me clean and sober in early recovery.

[MajestyJo]

July 18

The Gift Of Desperation

"Our disease always resurfaced or continued to progress until, in desperation, we sought help from each other in Narcotics Anonymous."

Basic Text, p. 13

When we think of being desperate, we envision an undesirable state: a poor, bedraggled soul frantically clawing at something sorely needed, a desperate look in the eyes. We think of hunted animals, hungry children, and of ourselves before we found NA.

Yet it was the desperation we felt before coming to NA that compelled us to accept the First Step. We were fresh out of ideas, and so became open to new ones. Our insanity had finally risen higher than our wall of denial, forcing us to get honest about our disease. Our best efforts at control had only worn us out; hence, we became willing to surrender. We had received the gift of desperation and, as a result, were able to accept the spiritual principles that make it possible for us to recover.

Desperation is what finally drives many of us to ask for help. Once we've reached this state, we can turn around and start anew. Just as the desperate, hunted animal seeks a safe haven, so do we: in Narcotics Anonymous.

Just for today: The gift of desperation has helped me become honest, open-minded, and willing. I am grateful for this gift because it has made my recovery possible.

Desperation: Willing to go to any length to stay clean and sober. Using is no longer an option, I have to find a solution.

[MajestyJo]

July 19, 2014

Fulfilling our dreams

Page 209

"Dreams that we gave up long ago can now become realities."

Basic Text, p. 68

All things begin with a dream. But how many of us fulfilled our dreams while using? Even if we managed to complete something we had started, our addiction usually robbed us of any pride in our accomplishment. Perhaps when we used, we dreamed of the day when we would be clean. That day has come. We can use this day to make our dreams come true. To fulfill our dreams we must take action, but our lack of self confidence may keep us from trying. We can begin by setting realistic goals. The success we experience when we attain our initial goals allows us to dream bigger dreams the next time around.

Some of our members share that when they compare the ambitions they had when they first got clean with what they have actually achieved in recovery, they are astounded. In recovery, we often find more dreams come true than we could ever have imagined.

Just for Today: I will remember that all things begin with a dream. Today, I will allow myself to make my dreams come true.

When you dream, it isn't what you see in the dream, but how you feei about the dream and how you feel in the dream.

[MajestyJo]

July 20, 2014

Step One

Page 210

"We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable."

Step One

The First Step begins with "we," and there's a reason for that. There is great strength in making a verbal admission of our powerlessness. And when we go to meetings and make this admission, we gain more than personal strength. We become members, part of a collective "we" that allows us, together, to recover from our addiction. With membership in NA comes a wealth of experience: the experience of other addicts who have found a way to recover from their disease.

No longer must we try to solve the puzzle of our addiction on our own. When we honestly admit our powerlessness over our addiction, we can begin the search for a better way to live. We won't be searching alone-we're in good company.

Just for Today: I will stary the day with an admission of my powerlessness over my addiction. I will remind myself that the First Step starts with "we," and know that I never had to be alone with my disease again.

I was told that I had to take the first half of Step One 100%, the second half was a one day at a time thing. My life is unmanageable when managed by me.

We can do what I can't do alone.

[MajestyJo]

July 21, 2014

Surrender is for everyone

Page 211

"If, after a period of time, we find ourselves in trouble with our recovery, we have probably stopped doing one or more of the things that helped us in the earlier stages of our recovery."

Basic Text, p. 92

Surrender is just for newcomers, right? Wrong!

After we've been around awhile, some of us succumb to a condition particular to oldtimers. We think we know something about recovery, about God, about NA, about ourselves-and we do. The problem is, we think we know enough, and we think that merely knowing is enough. But it's what we learn and what we do after we think we know it all that really makes the difference.

Conceit and complacency can land us in deep trouble. When we find that "applying the principles" on our own power just isn't working, we can practice what worked for us in the beginning: surrender. When we find we are still powerless, our lives again unmanageable, we need to seek the care of a Power greater than ourselves. And when we discover that self-therapy isn't so therapeutic after all, we need to take advantage of "the therapeutic value of one addict helping

another."

Just for Today: I need guidance, support, and a Power beyond my own. I will go to a meeting, reach out to a newcomer, call my sponsor, pray to my Higher Power - I will do something that says, "I surrender."

,Surrender doesn't mean give up, it means give over. I can't and my God can, and just for today, I will put my life in His Care and through Him, I am empowered to do what I need too do to live clean and sober, just for today.

[MajestyJo]

July 22, 2014

Spiritual death

Page 212

"For us, to use is to die, often in more ways than one."

Basic Text, p. 78

As newcomers, many of us came to our first meeting with only a small spark of life remaining. That spark, our spirit, wants to survive. Narcotics Anonymous nurtures that spirit. The love of the fellowship quickly fans that spark into a flame. With the Twelve Steps and the love of other recovering addicts, we begin to blossom into that whole, vital human being our Higher Power intended us to be. We begin to enjoy life, finding purpose in our existence. Each day we choose to stay clean, our spirit is revitalized and our relationship with our God grows. Our spirit becomes stronger each day we choose life by staying clean.

Despite the fact that our new life in recovery is rewarding, the urge to use can sometimes be overwhelming. When everything in our lives seems to go wrong, a return to using can seem like the only way out. But we know what the consequence will be if we use-the loss of our carefully nurtured spirituality. We have traveled too far along the spiritual path to dishonor our spirit by using. Snuffing the spiritual flame we have worked so hard to restore in our recovery is too dear a price to pay for getting high.

Just for Today: I am grateful that my spirit is strong and vital. Today, I will honor that spirit by staying clean.

The Eleventh Step Prayer is what helped me to stay clean and not go back out, I wanted to be a clear, clean channel.

http://www.angelfire.com/sc/anonymouscox/pray11.html

[MajestyJo]

July 23, 2014

Surrendering self-will

Page 213

"We want and demand that things always go our way. We should know from our past expeience that our way of doing things did not work."

Basic Text, p. 90

All of us have ideas, plans, goals for our lives. There's nothing in the NA program that says we shouldn't think for ourselves, take initiative, and put responsible plans into action. It's when our lives are driven by self-will that we run into problems.

When we are living willfully, we go beyond thinking for ourselves-we think only of ourselves. We forget that we are but a part of the world and that whatever personal strength we have is drawn from a Higher Power. We might even go so far as to imagine that other people exist solely to do our bidding. Quickly, we find ourselves at odds with everyone and everything around us.

At this point, we have two choices. We can continue in our slavery to self-will, making unreasonable demands and becoming frustrated because the planet doesn't spin our way. Or we can surrender, relax, seek knowledge of God's will and the power to carry that out, and find our way back to a condition of peace with the world. Thinking, taking initiative, making responsible plans-there's nothing wrong with these things, so long as they serve God's will, not merely our own.

Just for Today: I will plan to do God's will, not mine. If I find myself at odds with everything around me, I will surrender self-will.

A good read! One of those things that I need to take the words of the screen or page, and apply it to my life. Another one day at a time, that needs to be practiced daily, get out of my own way so my God can work through me.

[MajestyJo]

July 24, 2014

The masks have to go

Page 214

"...we covered low self-esteem by hiding behind phony images that we hoped would fool people. The masks have to go."

Basic Text, p. 32

Over-sensitivity, insecurity, and lack of identity are often associated with active addiction. Many of us carry these with us into recovery; our fears of inadequacy, rejection, and lack of direction do not disappear overnight. Many of us have images, false personalities we have constructed either to protect ourselves or please others. Some of us use masks because we're not sure who we really are. Sometimes we think that these images, built to protect us while using, might also protect us in recovery.

We use false fronts to hide our true personality, to disguise our lack of self-esteem. These masks hide us from others and also from our own true selves. By living a lie, we are saying that we cannot live with the truth about ourselves. The more we hide our real selves, the more we damage our self-esteem.

One of the miracles of recovery is the recognition of ourselves, complete with assets and liabilities. Self esteem begins with this recognition. Despite our fear of becoming vulnerable, we need to be willing to let go of our disguises. We need to be free of our masks and free to trust ourselves.

Just for Today: I will let go of my masks and allow my self esteem to grow.

One of my favourite topics. "Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive." When I was in treatment, we were asked to do a collage, with pictures of how we feel others see us, how we portray ourselves to others, the way we feel we project to others, and a picture of how we see ourselves. Mine was a jungle, the picture was black with yellow lines outlining the vines, leaves, monkey, etc. The monkey was pretty much in your face, and did not portray a very nice picture. I was told by the counsellors, that it was one of the best ever seen in the house.

[MajestyJo]

July 25, 2014

Twelfth Step "failure"?

Page 215

"Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

Step Twelve

There is no such thing as a "failed" Twelfth Step call. Even if our prospect doesn't get clean, we have accomplished two purposes. We have planted the seed of recovery in the mind of the addict with whom we have shared our experience, strength, and hope. And we ourselves have stayed clean another day. Rarely does a recovering addict leave a Twelve Step call with anything but a deep dose of gratitude.

Sometimes we are practicing the Twelfth Step without realizing it. When our co-workers or other acquaintances know some of our history and see what kind of person we are today, they know where to go when they have a friend or loved one in need of our help. We are often the best attraction that NA has to offer.

For many addicts, the Twelfth Step is the cornerstone of recovery. We truly believe that "we can only keep what we have by giving it away" The paradox of the Twelfth Step is evident, for in giving, we receive.

Just for Today: I will remember that I am a living example of the Twelfth Step. I cannot "fail" when I try to carry the message to another addict.

[MajestyJo]

July 26, 2014

Unconditional surrender

Page 216

"Help for addicts begins only when we are able to admit complete defeat. This can be frightening, but it is the foundation on which we have built our lives."

Basic Text, p. 22

Most of us have tried everything we can think of, exerted every ounce of force possible, to fill the spiritual hole inside us. Nothing-not drugs, not control and management, not sex, money, property, power, or prestige-has filled it. We are powerless; our lives are unmanageable, at least by ourselves alone. Our denial will not change that fact.

So we surrender; we ask a Higher Power to care for our will and our lives. Sometimes in surrendering, we don't know that a Power greater than ourselves exists which can restore us to wholeness. Sometimes we're not sure that the God of our understanding will care for our unmanageable lives. Our lack of certainty, though, does not affect the essential truth: We are powerless. Our lives are unmanageable. We must surrender. Only by doing so can we open ourselves wide-wide enough for our old ideas and past wreckage to be cleared, wide enough for a Higher Power to enter.

Just for Today: I will surrender unconditionally. I can make it as easy or as hard as I choose. Either way, I will do it.

Love the title, recovery is about surrendering my all to my God. Through Him/Her, I am empowered to do what I need to do in today.

It is about my thinking, not about the substance. It all leads to the same soul sickness.

[MajestyJo]

uly 27, 2014

We do recover

Page 217

"After coming to NA, we found ourselves among a very special group of people who have suffered like us and found recovery. In their expeiences, freely shared, we found hope for ourselves. If the program worked for them, it would work for us."

Basic Text, p. 10

A newcomer walks into his or her first meeting, shaking and confused. People are milling about. Refreshments and literature are set out. The meeting starts after everyone has drifted over to their chairs and settled themselves in. After taking a bewildered glance at the odd assortment of folks in the room, the newcomer asks, "Why should I bet my life on this group? After all, they're just a bunch of addicts like me"

Though it may be true that not many of our members had much going for us when we got here, the newcomer soon learns that the way we are living today is what counts. Our meetings are filled with addicts whose lives have turned completely around. Against all odds, we are recovering. The newcomer can relate to where we've been and draw hope from where we are now. Today, every one of us has the opportunity to recover.

Yes, we can safely entrust our lives to our Higher Power and to Narcotics Anonymous. So long as we work the program, the payoff is certain: freedom from active addiction and a better way of life.

Just for Today: The recovery I've found in Narcotics Anonymous is a sure thing. By basing my life on it, I know I will grow.

One of the greatest promises of recovery. I still have my disease, but I will recover from that hopeless state of body, mind and spirit, through working the 12 Steps and living the Traditions, not only in the rooms of recovery, but in our homes, our work place, and our community. It is a living program. Just for today, I choose not to use.

[MajestyJo]

July 28, 2014

Secrets and intimacy

Page 218

"We feared that if we ever revealed ourselves as we were, we would surely be rejected."

Basic Text, p. 31

Having relationships without barriers, ones in which we can be entirely open with our feelings, is something many of us desire. At the same time, the possibility of such intimacy causes us more fear than almost any other situation in life.

If we examine what frightens us, we'll usually find that we are attempting to hide an aspect of our personalities that we are ashamed of, an aspect we sometimes haven't even admitted to ourselves. We don't want others to know of our insecurities, our pain, or our neediness, so we simply refuse to expose them. We may imagine that if no one knows about our imperfections, those imperfections will cease to exist.

This is the point where our relationships stop. Anyone who enters our lives will not get past the point at which our secrets begin. To maintain intimacy in a relationship, it is essential that we acknowledge our defects and accept them. When we do, the fortress of denial, erected to keep these things hidden, will come crashing down, enabling us to build up our relationships with others.

Just for Today: I have opportunities to share my inner self. I will take advantage of those opportunities and draw closer to those I love.

Some words just speak for themselves. Had a big fear of intimacy, feared allowing others close, and even a bigger fear of letting them know who I was. It was a great healing experience to learn I was not my disease and it was okay to be me.

Intimacy: In to me see!

[MajestyJo]

July 29, 2014

Expectations

Page 219

"As we realize our need to be forgiven, we tend to be more forgiving."

Basic Text, p. 38

Our behavior toward other people in our life is a mirror of our behavior toward ourselves. When we demand perfection of ourselves, we come to demand it from others around us, too. As we strive to repair and heal our lives in recovery, we may also expect others to work just as hard and to recover at the same pace as we do. And just as we are often unforgiving of our own mistakes, we may shut out friends and family members when they don't meet our expectations.

Working the steps helps us understand our own limitations and our humanity. We come to see our failures as human mistakes. We realize that we will never be perfect, that we will, at times, disappoint ourselves and others. We hope for forgiveness.

As we learn to gently accept ourselves, we can start to view others with the same accepting and tolerant heart. These people, too, are only human, trying to do their best and sometimes falling short.

Just for Today: I will treat others with the tolerance and forgiveness I seek for myself.

Expectations are not condusive to recovery, especially when put on someone who is incapable of meeting them, including yourself.

I was told to lower them to a place that was attainable.