Relapse

[MajestyJo]

Sounds like you need to find a way to balance your time. Perhaps your g/f can get someone else to baby sit. You can't operate and function well without sleep. I know. We are not able to live up to our capabilities.

For me, my priority was my sobriety. Your g/f and her child and the one on the way, won't have you, if you don't stay clean and sober. I know that I did 2 meetings a day for 2 years. I was afraid if I missed a meeting, I would relapse. We can do what I can't do alone. Can you take the child with you to a meeting. Turn it all over to your Higher Power and ask for the Good Orderly Direction you need.

I knew I was an addict. My drug of choice was more. I went to AA for my denial. I couldn't identify with them at first, I didn't think of emotions, didn't have many left. I was very fragmented, and the program made me whole. I went to NA for identification, and I went to Al-Anon to heal. They showed me how to live my own life, set boundaries and detach from what is not my stuff to take on. Perhaps you could look up some of the Al-Anon and Nar-Anon posts. My dad was an alcoholic, my mom died at the age of 40 because of her food addiction, I married and alcoholic (my label, not his admission), and my son is a self-admitted alcoholic/addict. So I qualified for Adult Children of Alcoholics too. Love their literature, could really identify with it.

Sounds like you are either in the past or projecting into the future. Just for today, I choose not to use. It is a one day at a time program. It isn't a quick fix program, it takes time and work. I had to learn to take the words off the paper and the computer screen and apply them to my life. With me, I have nothing. Without you, there is no me.