Sharing and Caring

[MajestyJo]

This could be a repeat

Welcome to our site. There are many tools to sobriety and we invite you to peruse the board to find material that will help you on your journey to recovery.

Some helpful suggestions - basic tools - to help you stay sober:

90 in 90. People who "keep coming back" have a much better chance of recovering. We recommend 90 meetings in 90 days; try out lots of different meetings and fellowships.

"A drug is only an arm's-length away." Slipping is really easy: a moment's inattention; wrong time, wrong place.

"A slip is the end of a process." (Also: "On the road to a slip, the first step is to get rid of your sponsor"; "A slip occurs before you pick up.")

Abstinence. We can't get high if we don't pick up that first drug or drink. We've learned that using other drugs-- alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, poppers--can lead us back to crystal meth ("tina") or into other addictions. We believe in total abstinence: Using alcohol or drugs invariably triggers our addiction.



Acceptance. "...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." We can't fix everything--certainly not our addiction; we just had to calm down and accept that. And remind ourselves with the Serenity Prayer as needed.

Act as if. Also: "Fake it till you make it." Life is totally different when we're first getting sober-full of crazy feelings and fears, excitement and gratitude. When we don't know what to do in a certain situation or state of mind, we ask for a suggestion from our sponsor or another person in the program (see Suggestions). We can't "think" our way to right actions , but we can "act" our way to right thoughts. For example: Most of us had to act as if there was a Higher Power for a long time when we first entered the program.

Action. "...The courage to change the things I can." Life is a program of action; most of us started small with things like going to meetings or making our beds.

Big Book. The Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, is the basic text of recovery. Most of us read it from time to time, some of us are in study groups where we use it to work the steps.

Bookending. If we need to do something or go somewhere that may make us want to use-meet an ex, the office holiday party, a first date-many of us check in with a program friend before we go and after we're done.

Burning desires. If a meeting is ending and we have not been called on, but think we might use if we don't get a chance to share, we take the "burning desire" when it is announced. If we are still not called on, we grab someone right away after the meeting to talk.

Chips. When we were counting days, most of us raised our hands and shared our progress with the groups. Those plastic key chains we receive from various meetings as we reach new sober anniversaries are among our most valued possessions.

Choices. A recovery bookstore, Choices carries basic recovery literature: Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book), The 12 and 12, Living Sober, Came to Believe, Just for Today, plus Step workbooks, a full library of recovery-related literature, and chips (coins), cards and gifts. 220 West 78th Street (between 2nd and 3rd ); 212-794-3858; open Tues-Fri 11-7, Sat 11-6, Sun 12-4. Barnes & Noble (all over town) also carries a lot of program literature in its Recovery section.

Coffee. Between fellowship, meetings with friends and sponsors, and just generally showing up for life on time now that we're sober, a lot of us drink more coffee than we used to. This can make us very anxious; if we have trouble sleeping, researchers suggest avoiding caffeine within five hours of bed.

Compare and despair. We try not to compare our insides to someone else's outsides.

"Easy does it." We tried not to take on too much in early sobriety.

Feelings are not facts. Just because we feel that everyone hates us doesn't mean they do.

Fellowship. The meeting after the meeting. We go for hamburgers and coffee, discuss topics and feelings brought up by the meeting, and chit chat.

"First things first." We learned to prioritize.

"Give time time." Getting sober takes time, and we addicts tend to be impatient people.

"Go to any lengths." We did some sick stuff in our pursuit of drugs; we try to work just as hard to stay sober. If we drank or used every day, we can go meetings every day.

Good Orderly Direction. One popular conception of a Higher Power: doing the next right thing.

Group Of Drunks. Another useful concept of a Higher Power (from AA): people helping each other get and stay sober.

"Half measures availed us nothing." We have to give sobriety our all or we won't succeed.



HALT. Don't get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. An afternoon spent struggling with cravings can be explained with these four words. We check in on our physical and emotional condition throughout the day. Hungry? Eat regular meals at regular mealtimes. Angry? Talk about it a lot with your sponsor and others. Lonely? Go to a meeting, call someone. Tired? Take a nap, go to sleep early, schedule less. (gay version: HALT don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or fabulous.)

HOW. Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness, the basic tenets behind Steps One, Two and Three. This is HOW it works: we get honest, we open our minds, and we become willing to surrender and work a program.

Just for today. We stay sober one day at a time.

Keep it simple." Also: "Keep it simple, stupid." We tried not to do anything too drastic while we were learning how to live sober, on the proven principle that anything we put in front of our sobriety would take us back out. (See No major changes.)

Keep right size. When we are feeling really lousy--or really super--we try to keep our objectivity. Our low self-esteem and grandiosity led us into addiction in the first place.

"Keep the memory green." We must never forget that we are powerless over crystal and other drugs.

Literature. CMA is still writing its own "Big Book." But many of us found Alcoholics Anonymous, The 12 and 12, Came to Believe, Living Sober, As Bill Sees It and other AA, NA or CA literature valuable in helping us understand the program.

Make your bed. This is just one example of how we take care of ourselves in small ways we couldn't when we used--we deserve a nice clean bed at night.

Meditation. We found this is not as mystical as it sounds: We just sit quietly somewhere for a few minutes and listen to our breath-- in, out, in, out, in, out... Anxiety melts away, and our Higher Power comes in.

Meetings. At meetings we share our successes and struggles, learn about the steps, explore our spirituality, make friends. We have seen how "meeting makers make it."

Naps. Coming off crystal (methylenedioxymethamphetamine) we were very, very sleepy. We weren't too hard on ourselves when we needed to lie down. Everything in moderation of course: Sleeping all the time can be a sign of depression. See Outside issues.

No major changes ... in the first year. This probably sounds impossible and even backwards-why did we get sober, after all, if it wasn't to change our lives? But the reasoning behind it is sound. During the first year, we tried not to plunge into new romances, change jobs or homes, or confront long-standing problems in our families. People said to us: Who you are will change. Who knows what you'll want in a year?

"Nonalcoholic beer is for nonalcoholics." "Near-beer" actually contains a tiny amount of alcohol. We believe we're better off finding beverages that don't remind us of alcohol.

One day at a time. It's too overwhelming to think we'll never use again; we focus on doing whatever it takes to stay clean today. We worry about tomorrow when it comes.

Outside issues. If we are depressed, we get help--therapy, group counseling, antidepressants, economic assistance.

People, places and things. We stay away from anything we identify that reminds us of using. Dealers, party/**** buddies, friends we ran with, or others in our lives who throw off our equilibrium; bars, clubs, baths, certain streets or corners, or other places we associate with copping or using; stems, vials, lighters, thingytail glasses... There's an AA saying: "If you hang out in the barbershop, eventually you'll get a haircut."

Phone numbers. Telephone numbers are our lifeline. Members who have been around for a while are happy to share their experience, strength, hope--and time. If we want to call our dealer, we call someone from the program instead. For this reason, we always carry the numbers of friends in the program. Many of us make a habit of calling someone, our sponsor or a friend, in the program daily. As for our own phone numbers, many of us changed them to avoid getting tempting calls from dealers and using friends. (See People, places and things, Go to any lengths.)

Play the tape through to the end. When a using craving starts to overwhelm us, we remember one of our last runs all the way through to the end: from the first drink to the bumps in the bathroom and crazy sex, to desperation, paranoia, STDs, hospitals, lost jobs, evictions, busted relationships-whatever brought us into the rooms. After a while, by playing the tape the whole way through whenever we get a craving, we associate using less with the thrill of escape and more with the reality of our addiction and its consequences.

Prayer. Reaching out to a higher power--whether we believe in one or not--has an incredibly calming effect on us. Many of us pray in the morning, asking for help to stay sober another day, and at night, saying a simple thank-you when we make it to bed sober.

"Principles not personalities." This means a couple of things. First, people in the fellowship may sometimes let us down; but the principles of the 12 steps never will. We never let someone else who is working our nerves keep us from seeking the recovery we deserve.

"Progress, not perfection." We try not to be so hard on ourselves. Even Bill W., the founder of AA, had problems.

Shelf. As in "just put that on the shelf." We may feel we have other problems (cigarettes, debt, sexual compulsion, job problems, family issues) in addition to our addiction to crystal meth (methamphetamine), but we postpone dealing with those other problems directly for a while, until we've begun to lead a life free from crystal meth addiction. The stress of dealing with these other problems can make our recovery from addiction more difficult. Just staying sober helps most of our problems start resolving themselves; in time, when we have some recovery under our belts, we take problems off the shelf to be addressed.

Smart feet. Knowing when and where meetings are; having a usual routine; attending meetings even though we are busy, bored or don't want to be bothered, because we know its good for us. "Smart feet" is the impulse to get to a meeting whenever something happens that makes us want to use.

Spirituality. Not to be confused with religion. CMA is a spiritual program of recovery, but the spiritual path in CMA is very personal and individual. In CMA, everyone finds his own higher power and his own way of communicating with it. A lot of us find literature on this topic--from program literature to the Bible or Koran to the writings of Carl Jung or William James--helpful. (See Meditation, Prayer.)

Sponsors. A sponsor is another recovering addict, with a year or more of clean time, who helps mentor us in our recovery.

Steps. There are 12 of them, and they work. The process of self-discovery they describe unfolds organically the longer you stay sober, but it's best to really work on them--with a sponsor. Everyone works the steps in his own way, at his own pace. The only step we have to work perfectly is Step One.

"Stick with the winners." We try to hang out with people who have good attitudes and some clean and sober time in the program.

Suggestions. Most of us needed a lot of humility to come to our first CMA meeting. Admitting that we don't have the answers to our difficulties, as hard as it is, is the source of our serenity. (See Surrender.) People in CMA and other fellowships often offer us feedback. Whatever we may think of them and their "advice," however much we might not want feedback, we have to remember that they wouldn't be telling us something that didn't work for them.



Surrender. Also, "Surrender to win." This is the core of the program; it's really explored in Step Three. Surrender is not defeat, it's joining the winning side. Basically, we are willing to try some other way-ours wasn't getting us anywhere.

"Take what you can use and leave the rest." If a suggestion or concept is confusing or seems contradictory, we set it aside until we are ready. We try not to complicate our programs unnecessarily. (See Shelf.

Traditions. There are 12 of these, too. The code of conduct for the organization, they are the principles that guide CMA meetings and the group as a whole. (See Principles not personalities.)

Triggers. People, places and things that remind us of using, and anything else--a fight, depression, being hungry, angry, lonely and/or tired--that upsets our equilibrium enough to make us want to use.

We are not professionals. We are not doctors. Therefore, we seek professional help for physical or mental problems such as depression or mania; financial counseling; or job training. (See Outside issues.)



"We are only as sick as our secrets." Openness takes the toxic strength out of shame. If something is eating away at us, we share about it at meetings and with our sponsor.

Yets. These are things we have yet to do but that, knowing the way our minds work, we might encounter on our next relapse-smoking, shooting up, heroin, crack, prostitution, jail, homelessness. Addiction is a progressive disease; if we go out, it will most likely be worse next time.

Many people say that recovery didn't work for them. So seldom they are not willing to work for it. We may recover, but our disease is always there waiting for us get complacent, to forget and give it a crack into which to slip through.

This was done for AA but I feel it works for any 12 Step Program.

90 TOOLS FOR SOBRIETY

1 ) Stay away from that first drink, taking the 1st step daily.
2 ) Attend AA regularly and get involved.
3 ) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME.
4 ) Use the 24 Hour plan.
5 ) Turn your "dis-ease" to a sense of ease. Picture yourself as "recovered."
6 ) Do first things first.
7 ) Don't become too tired.
8 ) Eat at regular hours.
9 ) Use the telephone. (not just after the fact but during too.).
10) Be active - don't just sit around. Idle time will kill you.
11) Use the Serenity Prayer.
12) Change old routines and patterns.
13) Don't become too hungry.
14) Avoid loneliness.
15) Practice control of your anger.
16) Air your resentments.
17) Be willing to help whenever needed.
18) Be good to yourself, you deserve it.
19) Easy does it.
20) Get out of the "IF ONLY" trap.
21) Remind yourself HOW IT WAS. Your last drunk, the feelings etc. Picture better alternatives.
22) Be aware of your emotions. Reason about them.
23) Help another in his/her recovery, extend your hand, listen.
24) Try to turn your life and your will over to your Higher Power.
25) Avoid all mood-altering drugs, read labels on all medicines.
26) Turn loose of old ideas.
27) Avoid drinking situations/occasions.
28) Replace old drinking buddies with new AA buddies.
29) Read the Big Book.
30) Try not to be dependent on another (sick relationships). Be independent or inter-dependent.
31) Be grateful, and when you're not, make a GRATITUDE list.
32) Get off the "Pity Pot"...the only thing you'll get is a ring
around your bottom if you don't.
33) Seek knowledgeable help when troubled and or otherwise.
34) Face it! You are in control of your destiny.
35) Try the 12 and 12, not just 1 and 12 or 1, 12 and 13!
36) Let go and Let God.
37) Use the "God box." (Write down your worries and problems. Put them in the God box. Once you've done so, you can no longer think about them for that day. Use God's answers: yes, no, or wait, I have something better in store for you. Don't forget to say thanks.
38) Find courage to change through the example of others who have.
39) Don't try to test your will power. When in doubt, DON'T. (Or don't, yet.)
40) Live TODAY, not YESTERDAY, not TOMORROW - projection is planning
the results before anything even happens.
41) Avoid emotional involvements the first year - you end up putting
the other person first and lose sight of "your" program.
42) Remember, YOU ARE NOT YOUR DIS-EASE. So, take it easy on yourself.
43) Rejoice in the manageability of your new life.
44) Be humble--Humility is not in thinking of yourself more, but in
thinking more of yourself less often. Watch the ego.
45) Share your experience, strength and hope as much as possible and as creatively as possible.
46) Cherish your recovery.
47) Dump your garbage regularly - GIGO = Garbage In Garbage Out.
48) Get plenty of "restful" sleep.
49) Stay sober for you - not someone else - otherwise it won't work.
50) Practice rigorous honesty with yourself and others.
51) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME, not 10 years in one day!
55) Make no major decisions the first year.
56) Get a sponsor and use him/her.
57) Know that no matter what your problems, someone's had them before.
Don't be afraid to share, as a problem shared is one 1/2 solved.
58) Strive for progress not perfection.
59) When in doubt ask questions. The only stupid question is the one
not asked.
60) Use prayer and meditation.
61) Maintain a balance: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental.
62) Don't use other substances as a maintenance program.
63) Learn to take spot check inventories.
64) Watch out for the RED FLAGS ... things that give excuses for poor
behavior and inevitable relapse.
65) Know that its okay to be human ... just don't drink over it.
66) Be kind to yourself; it's about time, don't you think?
67) Don't take yourself so seriously - take the dis-ease seriously!
68) Know that whatever it is that's causing pain - it shall pass.
69) Stay as far away from the DRY DRUNK SYNDROME as humanly possible.
70) Don't give away more than you can afford oo, your sobriety comes
first and must be the number 1 priority. Protect it at all costs.
71) Take down those bricks from the wall around you; you'll be able to
see the daylight better. Let people know who you are.
72) Get a home group and attend it regularly.
73) Know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming
train, but actually a ray of hope. Drop the negativity.
74) Know that you are not alone, that's why the "We" is in the steps.
75) Be willing to go to any lengths to stay and be sober.
76) Know that no matter how bleak and dark your past may be, your
future is clean, bright and clear if you don't drink today.
77) Stay out of your own way.
78) Don't be in a hurry--remember "TIME = Things I Must Earn".
79) Watch the EGO. "EGO = Ease God Out".
80) Protect your sobriety at all costs. Keep the light on you.
81) Learn to listen, not just hear. Be open-minded and nonjudgmental.
82) Know that if your insides match your outsides, everyone looks good.
83) If the rest of the world looks bad, check yourself out first.
84) Gratitude is in the attitude.
85) When all else fails ... punt! Up the number of meetings!!!
86) Remember FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL!
87) If they knew better, they'd do better. Think about letting things go.
88) Handle what you can and leave the rest, don't overtax yourself.
You can only accomplish so much in a given 24 hours.
89) Honesty and consistency are key factors in recovery.
90) Let the little kid in you out - learn how to laugh from the gut.
-adapted from ideas by Bob

*** Note this list is not necessarily in order. They are but suggestions and items to put in your little TOOL BAG.