When one alcoholic/addict shares with another alcoholic/addict

[MajestyJo]

Need help?

"Asking for help doesn’t mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence."

-- Anne Wilson Schaef

The path of healing begins with awareness that things can be different. We must be willing to open to the potential, the possibility for change.

We also need to acknowledge that we are not in this experience alone, without support. The divine power of love is here for us, if we are willing to open to receive it. Sincerely ask for help and loving support will manifest in both mundane and magical ways.

"The healthy, the strong individual, is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he has an abscess on his knee or in his soul."

-- Rona Barrett

From Higher Awareness - Used with permission

From my site Star Choices

In the beginning, I didn't have a problem with asking for phone numbers, my little black book was my life line. I misplaced it and thought my world had come to a end. My friend who I was sharing a house with had most of my numbers in her own book, and I was able to start up a new telephone book.

I have more problems now picking up the phone in today, my computer has been more of a lifeline in today. I didn't have a computer at the beginning and that was a good thing I think, because I was able to go out to meetings. You just can't beat f2f meetings, the energy can't be duplicated.

It is important to get those phone numbers and use them. They connect your soul and my God speaks through others. When I am talking to myself, I don't get enough food for my soul and it dries up and I can't receive or give.

Reach out and share with another. I know it helped me as well as the other person. Recovery is a two way street.

The holidays are one day at a time. Christmas day is just another 24 hours. Just for today, I choose not to use.

We can do what I can't do alone.

[MajestyJo]

If I was at your house, I'd ask to use the bathroom and I'd go through the medicine cabinet and take whatever there. I don't need to know what it is. Sometimes I'd be up for days, saying the same thing over and over, chewing my tongue. Other times I'd be falling down, bouncing off the walls. Sometimes I'd get real 'regular'. And I probably took enough pills out of those wheels that there's no chance I'm going to get pregnant this century. - Bob D. (Alkie speaks)

Because I was raised to be a good little Christian girl, stealing didn't come easy for me, even when I was using. I would often try to justify it or talk you out of it but generally did it to your face.

I didn't think I was an alcoholic because I didn't have black outs, I could walk a straight line and had people tell me they never saw me drunk. All things that affirmed that I didn't have a problem.

When I got sober, I didn't realize how stoned I really was, especially when I drank and took the pills too. I would say, "Well I only had 5 drinks, that is nothing, I can't be drunk forgetting that I had a belly full of pills prior to drinking.

Even in my 'drinking' days, before I tried ti quit my way (substituting pills), I took two 222s before going to bed to prevent a hang over or so I said, not sure if I believed it.

I had black outs with the pills. Things I didn't remember doing or saying. I was taking medication that had a street name so it couldn't have been good. I heard people tell there drinking stories and I would think I didn't do that. Then when I got honest, I realized I had those same symptoms when taking the pills. As my drinking decreased, my pill intake increased. I had never heard about AA. When I got there, I found the solution. Don't drink and don't drug! Substitution doesn't work.

Posted on another site in 2011

Many people take exception if you talk about drugs, whether it is street drugs or prescription drugs. The thing is, substituion doesn't work, and if you try to fill that void with other things, you end up addicted to another substance.

Alohol was like dried up alcohol. I knew I was an addict, but don't call me an alcoholic. Then there were people in the program who tried to tell me I wasn't an alkie, telling me they spilled more than I drank. Then I would go to that other Fellowship, and they told me that I didn't qualify as an addict because I only tried pot and hash once and didn't use other street drugs. It isn't the substance, the problem was always me, especially me and my attitude.

There are very few 'pure' alcoholics in today. I find that most addicts started with beer and when it quit working for them, they looked for more.

[MajestyJo]

Being humiliated is not the same as having humility.

We have all suffered humiliation. Perhaps a spouse ridiculed us in public or a parent's disorderly conduct shamed us in front of our friends. Perhaps a boss criticized us in front of co-workers.

However, we could have refused to let our egos be injured. Had we then the tools we have now, we could have felt compassion for the perpetrator. No healthy person heaps injury of any kind on another struggling soul. The program taught us this.

We have learned about true humility. To be humble is to surrender, to give up trying to change people or circumstances, to give up trying to force our will upon others. Humility is being quiet, being at rest, and being confident that God is present in every situation. Humility is being at peace, always.

No one can humiliate me today unless I accept that condition.

You are reading from the book: A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

Humility is about saying, "I don't know, I need help and being open to receiving it, to my way of thinking. In the past, I thought it was humiliating to admit that I didn't know, because I thought it made me stupid. In recovery, I learned "How can you know if you haven't been taught."

I was told that humility, meant to become teachable. The longer I am in the program, the more I realized that I knew nothing. This is a one day at a time program and I have to be open to each lesson and experience that comes my way. I don't take the credit, this is a we program. That we can be a lot of people, places, and things. Like a sponsor, a counselor, a minister, a God of our understanding, our parents, going out in nature and getting in touch with the Creator, go to church, going to a meeting, etc. This is a spiritual program that makes room for all religious beliefs.

[MajestyJo]

Bringing this forward again. So glad the link still works.

A Manual for
Alcoholics Anonymous

From AA Group No. 1, Akron, Ohio, 1940
Dr. Bob's Home Group

http://www.barefootsworld.net/aamanual.html

[MajestyJo]

...A borrowed understanding of God may do on a short haul. But in the long run, we must come to our own understanding of a Higher Power, for it is that Power which will carry us through our recovery.

Just for today: I seek a Power greater than myself that can help me grow spiritually. Today, I will examine my beliefs honestly and come to my own understanding of God.

pg. 46

The great thing for me was learning that my belief could be ever changing. My God is as He/She/It is revealed in today.

My God is Love. I need to come from a place of love for myself and others.

Written on another site in 2010

Remember people saying, "You can borrow my God until such a time as you find your own." It is okay to borrow, but you need to get back.

I also had to tell people that they could relapse if they depended on my God, because my God was personal to me.

I had a sponsee who said he wanted what I had. I co-sponsored him for three months until he found a sponsor. His sponsor relapsed, but I haven't heard from the young man from Montreal. He was a professional trained chef. I hope he is still cooking and still clean and sober. I know that he became a very firm believer in Buddhism and other oriental beliefs. He said he found them more spiritual than the teaching of the Roman Catholic religion he was raised in.

I was raised in the Gospel Halls, and found great comfort from Osho as well as Native teachings.

This is a spiritual program that makes room for all religious beliefs.

[MajestyJo]

"Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations. The higher my expectations of other people are, the lower is my serenity. I can watch my serenity level rise when I discard my expectations.

I have to discard my 'rights', as well as my expectations, by asking myself, "How important is it, really? How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety?"

~~"Big Book" Page 449 Third Edition~~
~~"Big Book" Page 417 Fourth Edition~~

A big awakening for me was realizing that I was projecting something onto someone they were not capable of giving or willing to acknowledge. It was about not putting such high expectations on myself that was important. I use to make them so high that I seldom reached them and as a result, I always felt less than and beat myself up.

When I lower the bar, it is easier to reach. When I reach it, I can always raise it again.

"The higher the expectation, the deeper the resentment. Both are an illusion created by you." - - unknown

Had problems with fibromyalgia, I had to realize that I just couldn't do what I use to do and had to learn to accept it. As it says in Big Book, the lower my expectations and the higher my acceptance, the greater my serenity. My expectations were to do it perfect, do it right, and anything less than my expectation wasn't acceptable. That lead to a lot of self abuse, which I try not to do in today.

[MajestyJo]

Practice makes progress.

- "Walk Softly and Carry a Big Book" - Book

That makes more sense than what I heard all my life, "Practice makes perfect." I was always looking for that perfection. Always in competition, with myself and others, trying to out think and out do what I always did. Then when I failed, even though I tried to do the work of three people, it gave me reason, to my way of thinking to use. I used alcohol and dried-up alcohol (pills) which ever was available, often using both.

If you had my boss, if you had to work for the people I do, if you had a husband like I have, you would drink too. Perfection is part of my disease, not a healthy part of recovery.

My sponsor has told me from day one, "This is a program of practice, practice, practice...."

For me, it is one day at a time. All I can do is the best I can do in today. I practice the principles each day. I apply the steps as needed. Some days I fall short of my expectations, yet I know my Higher Power loves me unconditionally. I really don't think He has too many expectations of me, although He has kept me around this long, He must have plans for me, or I just haven't figured things out yet, so I have to keep practicing until I get it right.

We are works in progress. I practice the program to the best of my ability each day. It is a 24 hour program, not a 2-4 hours a day program.

[MajestyJo]

When I was posting today, I thought "Where did the time go?"

For most of my life, I used to make time disappear. The day was too long. I never seemed to be able to get through a day, an event or an experience, without picking up something to take me out of myself.

I used to make time disappear.

In recovery, there are not enough hours in a day. I think some days I don't sleep because I want to do and don't want the day to go by without accomplishing what I have started.

Prior to recovery, IF I did manage to start something, I seldom finished it. I lost focus and concentration and was often off to the next thing. I was a good instigator but didn't make a good finisher, unless it was a fight and I wanted the last word.

Recovery has given me back a life. It has allowed me to stay in today, and when I slide back into yesterday and project into tomorrow, I am given the tools to ground myself, and bring me back into the moment.

I live one day at a time. Imagine, not enough hours in a day. Who would every have thought it would come to this? In the past I would get caught up in busy, trying to make time go away because I couldn't be by myself. Whether I picked up a person, place or thing, it all helped me to escape me and my reality. I couldn't be be alone with me.

So grateful for the freedom of recovery! It is nice to be able to me alone with me, although sometimes me alone with my thoughts is not good. It use to be bad company. In today, I am aware that I have a disease of perception. Some times, that perception is off and I need to check it out with a sponsor, a friend or a counselor.

Originally posted by me in 2011 on another site.

Have had two busy days. I had a couple of signs today to put some gratitude into my attitude. This is one day at a time, no more, no less.

This is just because I love it. When I was about 14, I took piano lessons, but they didn't stick.

[MajestyJo]

"All I had to do was ask myself a simple question: 'Am I or am I not powerless over alcohol?' I didn't have to compare myself or my experience with anyone, just answer a simple question."

From: "Slow Learner"
Step By Step

From the GV book

In early recovery, I was told that I had to take the first half of Step One 100%, I often wondered why they didn't say the whole of Step One.

Then I had a big awakening, my life is unmanageable when managed by me. There are still times that my life can be unmanageable, but thanks to the program, I can pick up the tools, get honest, surrender, accept, open my mind and let my thought out and another's in, and be willing to do what it takes to recover.

I AM NOT THE POWER. My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery. My way doesn't work. I am powerless over my disease, and that of others, whatever their disease might be. Some times we don't see them as such, and we think because we have our own disease, they might be right and we are wrong. They just might have their own disease, even if their dis-ease, is to fix me.

[MajestyJo]

When I am forgiving myself and others, I realize that the only person I can change is me. I don't have the power to change another. I can forgive them, set a boundary, make suggestions according to my own experience, strength and hope, but I can't make them do anything. All I can do is pray for them, and ask for what is good for them, according to THEIR God's Will, not mine. I am not the power. I can't be their HP.

[MajestyJo]

12 Steps and the 12 Principles

1. We admitted we were powerless over the effects of addiction — that our lives had become unmanageable.

1. Honesty, acceptance and surrender.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

2. Hope, Trust

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

3. Faith, willingness

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

4. Courage.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.

5. Integrity.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

6. Willingness, self-honesty

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

7. Humility.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

8. Justice and brotherly love.

9. Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

9. Self-discipline and good judgment.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

10. Perseverance and open mindedness.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

11. Awareness.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other codependents, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

12. Love and service.

These very depending on who you are talking to. Many say the only principle for Step One is Honesty, but I am a firm believer in all three as listed here. It says we are to do Step One 100% and in order to do that, we need to find surrender and acceptance to go with the self-honesty.

This could be a duplicate, but at the end, I have further thoughts.

[MajestyJo]

They say it is principles before personalities and to practice these principles in all our affairs. NA quotes this at the end of their meetings here. A newcomer asked me why it was repeated so often. I said it was probably because it was something people needed to be reminded about. It isn't about not using. It is about using without abusing ourselves and others.

It isn't about drugs and alcohol, it is about living with our fellow man and becoming a better person. A person who is no longer acting out in their disease. A person who has become healthy and learning a new way of living. A person who walks their talk.

I can't go wrong when I practice these principles and apply the Steps to my life on a daily basis. It is about living the program. Not just putting the plug in the jug, not just acting out in my old patterns and behaviors; it is about getting along in the community and being useful and helpful members of society. No more putting others down to make me feel good, no more self-centeredness and disregard for others, no more thinking I am the great I am.

It is about taking an honest look at myself. Hopefully, giving hope to others and sharing my experience and strength too. Letting others be themselves, there is no right way or wrong way to work the program. It is what is good for each individual. It is the God of my understanding and yet I try to keep an open mind and accept you and your God too.

We hear all the time about the Steps. We hear too little about the principles behind them.

Something I posted on another site.

[MajestyJo]

There is very little talk about the principles of the program. This is a spiritual program. Everyone knows how to drink and have there individual horror stories, but how are you stay clean and sober in today. How are you applying the principles of the program to your life in today?

Do you walk your talk?

I try to the best of my ability. The closer I am to my God, the better I do.

Practice these principles in all our affairs. I need to take my program out of the rooms of recovery and apply them to my life at home, at work, and in the community.

As my sponsor said to me many years ago, "Do people look at you and see recovery."

[MajestyJo]

From: "Foreword to Second Edition"

The spark that was to flare into the first AA group was struck
at Akron, Ohio in June 1935, during a talk between a New
York stockbroker and an Akron physician. Six months earlier,
the broker had been relieved of his drink obsession by a
sudden spiritual experience, following a meeting with an
alcoholic friend who had been in contact with the Oxford
Groups of that day. He had also been greatly helped by the
late Dr. William D. Silkworth, a New York specialist in
alcoholism who is now accounted no less than a medical
saint by AA members, and whose story of the early days
of our Society appears in the next pages. From this doctor,
the broker had learned the grave nature of alcoholism.
Though he could not accept all the tenets of the Oxford
Groups, he was convinced of the need for moral inventory,
confession of personality defects, restitution to those harmed,
helpfulness to others, and the necessity of belief in and
dependence upon God.

Alcoholics Anonymous, pages xv-xvi

Love things about the early days of recovery. So glad they followed thought with action.

[MajestyJo]

Complete the Housecleaning, p. 213

Time after time, newcomers have tried to keep to themselves
shoddy facts about their lives. Trying to avoid the humbling
experience of the Fifth Step, they have turned to easier methods.
Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest
of the program, they wondered why they fell.

We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning.
They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst
items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and
fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had
not learned enough of humility, fearlessness, and honesty, in the
sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else their
entire life story.

Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 72-73

We are only as sick as our secrets. If we don't deal with what brought us to the doors of recover, it will take us back. We NEED to clean house and make things right with the God of our understanding. He is loving, caring, and forgiving.

F.R.O.G. FULLY RELYING ON GOD!